In Her Room: How Music Helped Me Connect With My Autistic Daughter

by James Cook

When James Cook's daughter was nearly one, he began to suspect that she wasn't simply a 'late bloomer', as he and his wife were telling friends and family. Emily was strongly taken by images and patterns around the house, had a marked response to music, but never pointed at anything, and hadn't crawled yet. At the age of two-and-a-half, after months of invasive tests, Emily was finally diagnosed with severe autism, and everything changed.Forced to embark on a fraught journey from denial to acceptance, James discovered the multi-faceted link between music and autism, and how singing and playing guitar for Emily could provide a unique form of communication. In Her Room is an extraordinary and heartbreaking story of a father's attempts to connect with his daughter, and how music can help bridge the divide.

312 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 2, 2020

About the author

James Cook was originally a musician and songwriter for the band Flamingoes. His first book, Memory Songs, an exploration of the music that shaped the 90s, was published in 2018. His second book, In Her Room: How Music Helped Me Connect With My Autistic Daughter was published in 2020. His short fiction has appeared in the anthology Vagabond Holes, and his journalism and essays have appeared in the Guardian and Boundless magazine, among others. He lives in London.

Reviews

[Flo · Rating 5 out of 5]

Working with Autistic children or even getting to know autistic children is such a privilege.

Since I read this book I feel like I am so much more empathic to the parents of autistic children. I feel like I had a peek into their world, their struggle and their experience.!

I definitely recommend this for any teacher/friend of someone autistic :)

[Anna · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a beautiful love-song written from a father to his daughter, Emily, who is “profoundly autistic and profoundly amazing”. The book manages to be at once moving, heart-rending and full of light, love and hope. The author, James Cook, is a musician. He instinctively uses music to communicate with his baby daughter as many new parents do – singing nursery rhymes to her, making up silly songs with her name in and so on. However, as Emily grows, it quickly becomes apparent that she is not reaching the expected developmental milestones and her lack of speech in particular is a huge worry. While James and his wife embark on the painstaking quest to get a diagnosis for Emily, James continues to sing to her and play the guitar, as well as playing her his favourite tracks from recordings. She always seems happy and calm when he does this for her, and so this becomes their way of connecting. “Music creates a ‘safe space’,” James writes, “restores order to chaos” – and this is what people with autism appreciate the most. This book is a must-read for everyone – not just people with autism in the family. For we must all, as James says, learn to “adopt the autistic lack of malice and guile. Be tolerant; celebrate differences. Be kind.”

[Ian Tuton · Rating 5 out of 5]

How Music Improved Two Lives

The author has written a wonderful book.

It describes the relationship between him ,his young autistic daughter ,and music.

As a former musician himself,he now plays to an audience of one.-his non -verbal child Emily.Done with much skill,humour,and hard work the lives of both have been enriched by this.

And so will yours if you read this terrific book and learn how he accomplished this.

[Jackie Butler · Rating 3 out of 5]

After a slow start I found this book quite an interesting read. Following the progress and development of their daughter, these parents find themselves delving deeper for answers on Emily’s late development. Throughout we see the effect music has on Emily, how she can hear and connect to her dad through this platform whilst being completely nonverbal.
A good read!