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False Icons #2
Wannabe Wizard: From the Tome of Bill Universe
Some family trees should be burned to the ground.
My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started.
My father’s been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won’t stop shadowing me, and my best friend’s family is actively trying to kill him.
Fixing all of that won’t be easy, though, since I’ve been cursed to complete thirteen divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I’ll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.
I might not have enough power in me to save my loved ones and satisfy the whims of the gods. But you know what? I’m willing to die trying. Because that’s what a real hero would do.
My name is Jessie Flores and I thought I was done being jerked around by witches, dryads, and gods in my quest to become a real-life superhero. Turns out they were just getting started.
My father’s been kidnapped, a handsome vampire with a shady past won’t stop shadowing me, and my best friend’s family is actively trying to kill him.
Fixing all of that won’t be easy, though, since I’ve been cursed to complete thirteen divine trials, while a newb fury haunts my every step. If I fail, I’ll die. If I hesitate, my friends will suffer instead.
I might not have enough power in me to save my loved ones and satisfy the whims of the gods. But you know what? I’m willing to die trying. Because that’s what a real hero would do.
420 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 20, 2020
79 people are currently reading
63 people want to read
About the author
Rick Gualtieri
85 books764 followersRick Gualtieri loves to write adventure, mayhem, and snarky dialogue. His bestselling Tome of Bill series combines all of this into a world of supernatural danger with hard-hitting action and plenty of sharp-tongued geeky humor.
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
Rick lives alone in a dark, evil place called New Jersey with only his wife, three kids, and countless pets to both keep him company and constantly plot against him. When he's not busy monkey-clicking out words, he can typically be found jealously guarding his collection of vintage Transformers from all who would seek to defile them.
Defilers beware!
Email: rickg.author@gmail.com
Facebook: facebook.com/RickGualtieriAuthor
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Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews
July 14, 2020
Love it!
The expanded world of Bill is great fun and I’m already wishing the next book was here. Jessie Flores and her friends are in trouble from every direction. We get to meet new friends and old ones (James!!!). The ending is a punch to the gut in a way and left me wanting more.
The expanded world of Bill is great fun and I’m already wishing the next book was here. Jessie Flores and her friends are in trouble from every direction. We get to meet new friends and old ones (James!!!). The ending is a punch to the gut in a way and left me wanting more.
October 6, 2020
Seamless
Loved this book. For being "in the world" of Tome of Bill, Rachel Carr integrated this story seamlessly. I can't wait to see where this goes
Loved this book. For being "in the world" of Tome of Bill, Rachel Carr integrated this story seamlessly. I can't wait to see where this goes
May 25, 2023
I was a high school student, or at least I had been before being infected by the divine dick blood of a god.
At the risk of getting kicked out of the fan club for blasphemous blithering, I am going to admit that I had a little trouble making my way through the second False Icons book, namely, "Wannabe Wizard". Writing: fantastic! Plotting: mind-boggling! However, I found the pacing uneven - and this despite the gang meeting up in my home state of North Carolina (albeit at the very tip of the part that rapidly deteriorates into Lesser Carolina to the south!). See, this extremely mixed and eclectic cast is just not, well, mixing all that well in my eyes. Dryads, a vampire and Jessie, ok. Some cameos with the 'Squatches, yeah, if we have to. But when you start adding in dark or light versions and quest characters straight off someone's D'n'D set-up and and and… well, decidedly less so.
Once the weird started, it just kept getting stranger.
The problem isn't that I didn't like or don't like or whatever tense I'm supposed to use here this book, because it's still really awesome urban fantasy. The issue for me I think is that I wanted to LOVE this book, to absolutely ADORE this series. Even above and beyond the Bill collection (I think there are 237 entries so far), the Bent… sorry, "Hybrid of High Moon" books and the unquestionably awesome Crypto-Hunter series, all of which have left me in puddles of melted fandom, waiting to recover any semblance of spinal fortitude or willingness to carry on with my own mundane life. But again, I'm just liking these. It's not you, I guess, it's me. Or something all teenagery like that…
So far this day I’d been threatened by a bird man with a leather fetish and told to look for a giant wiener.
Plus, I've got to get this off my chest: there's still more than a little "ick" factor in this one and definitely too much for this badge-wearing curmudgeon (definition: I am covered in cur [careful now!!]… and maybe mud, too). False idol or not, Jessie is a 16-year-old girl … and with that, I'd be remiss for not noting that the vampire who is insisting she is to be his is, by his own admission, world-wise and every day of one hundred and sixty-eight years old! Plus, and with sincere apologies to Tom Hanks: "There's no crying in urban fantasy!" So yeah, trying to say here that there's way too much weepitude going on! And that isn't coming from all the bad guys who keep getting their nards kicked in!
Chosen of Burp! Hair of fire and teats of mouse!
And I think it's a mix of the stuffses we're seeing with all this. A lot of crying, a lot of teenage angst about falling in love and making love, and so much more. Plus, I think we're just starting to try TOO HARD to be culturally relevant and I can't figure out why! Are we trying to be all hep and cool to relate to these kids? I mean, there are 7!! examples of "Holy (insert accordingly), Batman!" included in this tale… and an equal number of "Holy Hannah"s as well, whoever Hannah may be. It's just not adding up, particularly when every time I open my Kindle I see an illustration of someone who is most assuredly NOT only 16 years old. Sure, you can argue she's earned a little respect by appearing in a book with at least 3 c-words used but these days, isn't that just what you get when you log onto Instagram?
Realize the world would be a much better place with emotional support tacos…
I get that we're trying to line up with what happened in the immortal first Bill series. I get that some of this stuff is in the periphery of all that went down in that faithful cave with Bill and Sheila and Tom and all the happy-go-lucky rock people, not to mention a bunch of really anal retentive Magi, too! But how this one ended took all of that and just kind of "I Dream of Jessie" (sic) blinked things into some other multiverse pattern, one that I'm just not yet (???) in the groove with. Did I enjoy my reading experience? Yes. Is this all I expected and more? Welllllll….
My mother’s curses were the inspiration behind student loans.
Look kids, ignore me as I, too, shall ignoreth myself. For I shall keep reading and hope at some point I can hop back on this crazy train … because if there was ever a great example of wounds not healing, methinks we're about to see plenty of that and/or the opposite in the next couple of books. See you on the flip side true believers! P.S. Holy Rambling Reviews, Batman, I think we're going to start #3 now!
At the risk of getting kicked out of the fan club for blasphemous blithering, I am going to admit that I had a little trouble making my way through the second False Icons book, namely, "Wannabe Wizard". Writing: fantastic! Plotting: mind-boggling! However, I found the pacing uneven - and this despite the gang meeting up in my home state of North Carolina (albeit at the very tip of the part that rapidly deteriorates into Lesser Carolina to the south!). See, this extremely mixed and eclectic cast is just not, well, mixing all that well in my eyes. Dryads, a vampire and Jessie, ok. Some cameos with the 'Squatches, yeah, if we have to. But when you start adding in dark or light versions and quest characters straight off someone's D'n'D set-up and and and… well, decidedly less so.
Once the weird started, it just kept getting stranger.
The problem isn't that I didn't like or don't like or whatever tense I'm supposed to use here this book, because it's still really awesome urban fantasy. The issue for me I think is that I wanted to LOVE this book, to absolutely ADORE this series. Even above and beyond the Bill collection (I think there are 237 entries so far), the Bent… sorry, "Hybrid of High Moon" books and the unquestionably awesome Crypto-Hunter series, all of which have left me in puddles of melted fandom, waiting to recover any semblance of spinal fortitude or willingness to carry on with my own mundane life. But again, I'm just liking these. It's not you, I guess, it's me. Or something all teenagery like that…
So far this day I’d been threatened by a bird man with a leather fetish and told to look for a giant wiener.
Plus, I've got to get this off my chest: there's still more than a little "ick" factor in this one and definitely too much for this badge-wearing curmudgeon (definition: I am covered in cur [careful now!!]… and maybe mud, too). False idol or not, Jessie is a 16-year-old girl … and with that, I'd be remiss for not noting that the vampire who is insisting she is to be his is, by his own admission, world-wise and every day of one hundred and sixty-eight years old! Plus, and with sincere apologies to Tom Hanks: "There's no crying in urban fantasy!" So yeah, trying to say here that there's way too much weepitude going on! And that isn't coming from all the bad guys who keep getting their nards kicked in!
Chosen of Burp! Hair of fire and teats of mouse!
And I think it's a mix of the stuffses we're seeing with all this. A lot of crying, a lot of teenage angst about falling in love and making love, and so much more. Plus, I think we're just starting to try TOO HARD to be culturally relevant and I can't figure out why! Are we trying to be all hep and cool to relate to these kids? I mean, there are 7!! examples of "Holy (insert accordingly), Batman!" included in this tale… and an equal number of "Holy Hannah"s as well, whoever Hannah may be. It's just not adding up, particularly when every time I open my Kindle I see an illustration of someone who is most assuredly NOT only 16 years old. Sure, you can argue she's earned a little respect by appearing in a book with at least 3 c-words used but these days, isn't that just what you get when you log onto Instagram?
Realize the world would be a much better place with emotional support tacos…
I get that we're trying to line up with what happened in the immortal first Bill series. I get that some of this stuff is in the periphery of all that went down in that faithful cave with Bill and Sheila and Tom and all the happy-go-lucky rock people, not to mention a bunch of really anal retentive Magi, too! But how this one ended took all of that and just kind of "I Dream of Jessie" (sic) blinked things into some other multiverse pattern, one that I'm just not yet (???) in the groove with. Did I enjoy my reading experience? Yes. Is this all I expected and more? Welllllll….
My mother’s curses were the inspiration behind student loans.
Look kids, ignore me as I, too, shall ignoreth myself. For I shall keep reading and hope at some point I can hop back on this crazy train … because if there was ever a great example of wounds not healing, methinks we're about to see plenty of that and/or the opposite in the next couple of books. See you on the flip side true believers! P.S. Holy Rambling Reviews, Batman, I think we're going to start #3 now!
July 31, 2020
Keep them coming
Please keep them coming. The stories and the characters are awesome. Hurry and get us the next installment of Bill or Jesse or Bent. Any one of them will do as it is impossible to have a favorite. I have been reading Ricks work since I read Bill the Vampire and love every one. We also need more Crypto Hunters. Wouldn't mind seeing a sequel to Lycan Moon either. I guess what I'm saying is I like everything you write. Thank you.
Please keep them coming. The stories and the characters are awesome. Hurry and get us the next installment of Bill or Jesse or Bent. Any one of them will do as it is impossible to have a favorite. I have been reading Ricks work since I read Bill the Vampire and love every one. We also need more Crypto Hunters. Wouldn't mind seeing a sequel to Lycan Moon either. I guess what I'm saying is I like everything you write. Thank you.
July 5, 2020
Wow
There's a lot going on in this book! Tons of character development and the perspective from this side brings the storyline into very interesting and fun points. This one is a wild ride and I really can't wait for the next book!
There's a lot going on in this book! Tons of character development and the perspective from this side brings the storyline into very interesting and fun points. This one is a wild ride and I really can't wait for the next book!
December 12, 2020
Holy S&*T! R.E. Carr and Rick Gualtieri have crafted an amazing continuation of the False Icon's series. This book is full twist and turns along the way and what an amazing ending. This is one of those books that leaves you salivating for the next one.
July 9, 2020
Sick and delightful
Another great book in the series. This was one of the most disturbing and most interesting books. I can't wait for the next installment.
Another great book in the series. This was one of the most disturbing and most interesting books. I can't wait for the next installment.
July 18, 2020
Good job you two
This was a great story told by two great authors! My only disappointment is no why is does...lol thanks for another fun ride!
This was a great story told by two great authors! My only disappointment is no why is does...lol thanks for another fun ride!
January 31, 2023
Without spoilers, I didn't love the ending, but I loved the ride. But I also trust Gualtieri and Carr to have a grand plan.
December 4, 2024
Another hit from Gualtieri. Sure, it's Buffy-esque but it also takes an Enders Shadow look at the world of Bill the Vampire. The audiobook was a lot of fun too.
Displaying 1 - 10 of 10 reviews