Our Darkest Scar

Our Darkest #3

by Sarah Bailey

His Deceit. My Penance. Our Affliction.

I didn’t mean to fall in love with my sister’s friend.
You’d think I’d have known better when it came to Raphael Nelson. A boy so confused by his own thoughts and feelings, he no longer knew who he was.

It started innocently enough. A chance encounter leading to a real connection.
I was the boy who felt too much. He was suffering with demons from the past.
I only meant to help him.
To set him free.
Pity all of that was thrown back in my face.

Raphael tore me apart piece by piece, destroying everything between us. Stupid me went back for more each and every time. Now, when all is said and done, I can’t find it in me to forgive him. The scars he left me with run too deep. And I will spend forever in purgatory for loving a boy who I used me until I was naught but ashes in the wind.

A coming of age, second chance MM romance set in Sarah Bailey's Dark Universe.

Our Darkest books are a series of interconnected standalones. There are a mixture of MM and MF couples and they all have HEAs.

Author Note: I recommend reading The Devil’s Syndicate series if you want to see Raphi’s parents’ journey to their happy ever after. 

Genres: M M Romance, Dark Romance, Second Chance

547 pages, Kindle Edition

Published January 21, 2021

About the author

Sarah writes dark, contemporary, erotic and paranormal romances. They adore all forms of steamy romance and can always be found with a book or ten on their Kindle. They love anti-heroes, alpha males and flawed characters with a little bit of darkness lurking within. Their writing buddies nicknamed Sarah: 'The Queen of Steam' for their pulse racing sex scenes which will leave you a little hot under the collar.

Born and raised in Sussex, UK near the Ashdown Forest, they grew up climbing trees and building Lego towns with their younger brother. Sarah fell in love with novels as a teenager reading their aunt's historical regency romances. They have always loved the supernatural and exploring the darker side of romance and fantasy novels.

Sarah currently resides in the Scottish Highlands with their husband. Music is one of their biggest inspirations and they always have something on in the background whilst writing. They are an avid gamer and are often found hogging their husband's Xbox.

Reviews

[Krys (spicy.spine.breaker) · Rating 5 out of 5]

1st 5 STAR READ OF 2022

🤌🏽Raphi & Jonah's love story has imprinted iteself on my heart. 😫 They're amazing.

They destroyed & rebuilt my heart as they did the same to themselves, too many times while reading. I lived every word I read along with these broken boys & I just love them so much 😭 Now that I've had a solid 36hrs to stew in all the feels this book gave me, I'm ready (i think) to start this review.

Our Darkest Scar is book #3 in the Our Darkest series, following the next generation stemming from The Syndicate series. For that reason I recommend you start there before this series. It's not 100% neccessary, & each of the books in the Our Darkest can be standalones, but it will def increase the impact the stories & characters have on you if you understand the back story & do read in order.

SUPER Shortened Plot Summary
This book is a coming of age MM romace between Raphael & Jonah, who fall in love as teenagers.
Raphi lives in a state of constant self loathing, guilt, confusion & can't accept himself.
Jonah is a caring person, and he loves Raphi as he is. They're journey together is full of passion, love, pain, forgiveness, and friendship.


The MC's

Jonah

I couldn’t pretend I hadn’t heard someone crying. Human suffering always got to me. Perhaps I was overly sensitive, but I had a need to soothe those I cared about. To make their pain go away. It was a burden.

Sweet, loving, Jonah. He is two years older than Raphi, doesn't like big crowds, & has the biggest heart ever. The year before the start of the book, his father passed away of a heart attack, causing his mother to go essentially catatonic & when she came to she was checked out motherhood all together. Jonah takes care of his sister Meredith (Raphi's friend), makes dinner, checks in on her - he takes on that role. He is all feelings, patience, and giving.
He's a little bit of an empath, actually, which is why when he hears Raphi crying he cannot walk away no matter much he wants to - he can't ignore someone elses pain. It's his plan to be a psychologist & help people who need it for a living. When Raphi can't come to terms with his sexuality, Jonah tells him there is no rush. That it doesn't matter how much time it takes, that he will wait. He is an angel on earth.

Raphi

The whirlwind of emotion inside me wasn’t something anyone should have to deal with.

Poor sweet, lost & broken Raphi. Broken is really the perfect word to describe his mental state most of this book. Raphi is Ash & Eric's son. His fam has 1 mom & 4 dads (to get that story, read The Syndicate) & because of their unusual family structure the kids tend to get picked on a lot.

Raphi is the sweetest, more emotional of the group, just like his father. But, he isn't confident with himself & everything the bully's say to him, every mean & hateful word, seems to engrain themselves into his psyche.



DEATAILED PLOT
This story takes place over the course of 10 years, and it broken up into 4 parts (I think?) For my review I'm breaking it into 3.

PART ONE - Teenagers
One day Jonah is using the restroom at school when he hears someone crying in one of the stalls. He calls out & asks if the person is ok & tells him he will listen if they need to talk. The person (Raphi) crying doesn't answer, so Jonah is about to leave, when Raphi asks him to stay.

Raphi comes out of the bathroom stall to find his Jonah standing there. They know each other but aren't friends - Jonah is actually Raphi's friend Merediths older brother. Jonah, aka the sweetest person to ever 'exist', comforts Raphi, & right off the bat they both seem drawn to eachother.

Jonah is openly gay, Raphi has always thought himself to be straight - that being said the latter can't ignore the way he feels in Jonah's presence. It's undeniable, but he can't bring himself to accept it. Not b/c anyone at home would judge him but b/c he's terrified of giving his bullies more ammo.

My rather fleeting crushes on girls had made me sure I was straight. Jonah made that surety fly right out the window. And it terrified me. Not because there was anything wrong with me finding another boy attractive. That wasn’t even a thing since I’d grown up with two parents who weren’t straight. No, it was the impact it would have on my life.

I hadn’t told Jonah the true extent of the bullying I received at school. Aurora, Duke and even Cole were able to defend themselves against the taunting. I wasn’t. At all. It upset me far more than I ever let on. Even to Duke. To be honest, it made me hate myself

Jonah loves Raphi as he is, wants to help him see himself the way he does. Even when Raphi tells him he wants them to keep their friendship on the DL, Jonah doesn't judge or get defensive.

"It’s made me hate myself because I’m not normal. And now there’s this… confusion I have over who I am. What if they find out? What will I do then? They would give me so much more shit if they knew I was dating a…”
The words hung in the air. I knew he didn’t have a problem with anyone’s sexuality. It wasn’t about that. Raphael wanted to be normal so badly he wasn’t willing to entertain the idea of me and him. Despite all of that, I couldn’t help reaching out and cupping his face in both my hands. He didn’t stop me. His eyes were full of caution and sadness.

“I don’t care,” I whispered. “I don’t care if it has to be a secret. I still want you anyway. Whatever way I can have you.”

But, shit hits the fan. Raphi tells Jonah their done. They walk away from each other.

I backed away, staring into the eyes of the boy I’d fallen in love with.

The one who was kind, caring and deserved someone who could give him everything.
Who wouldn’t make him hide in the shadows.
Who would be there no matter what.

He didn’t need someone like me. A messed up boy who didn’t know who the fuck he was. I should never have allowed this to happen in the first place. Him comforting me. Him making me feel okay. Him being there for me. It was wrong of me.

So. Fucking. Wrong.

I couldn’t have Jonah Ethan Pope. I didn’t deserve him.

I deserved nothing.

PART 2 - COLLEGE
Years down the road, Raphi & Jonah see eachother again & the reunion is hot, heavy, & passionate AF. Raphi still is hesitant to accept himself, but they give it a real try, the relationship. Things seem to be progresssing, Jonah is as understanding & patient as ever, Raphi is just as broken, but now they're fully in love.

“It’s okay, Raphi, you don’t have to explain. I’m here and I’m not going to push you. I want you to decide on your own terms and in your own time.”
“Why are you so nice to me? Like you’re the kindest, most understanding person I’ve ever met. I don’t know how you can forgive me for being such a dick to you.”
The words fell out of my mouth without me thinking about them.
They made his eyes soften further. “It’s simple. To me, you’re worth the pain.”
I swallowed hard. Cuore mio, I don’t deserve you.

So much cuteness. So much chesmistry & passion. So much spice.
They are BEAUTIFUL TOGETHER

They seperate for college, which is supposed to be only one year. Raphi moves into his dorm and finds that he is completely lost without his family & Jonah nearby. Jonah knows this & leaves school to see Raphi earlier then they'd planned - which he's happy to do. However Raphi's self loathing & guilt for making Jonah drop everything & deal with what he sees as a broken, unworthy person, is constantly growing in his mind.

All of my pent up fucking anger with myself seeped out of me. It drowned the both of us in this fucked up hell I’d consigned me and him to. He paid the price of my inability to be who I was.

This beautiful, kind and caring man who deserved the entire world gave up pieces of his soul to be with me. And I couldn’t forgive myself for it.

Drama happens. You think everything will be fine, fut once again, Raphi's own mind breaks them up, & this time Jonah breaks when he walks away as well. Now they're both broken. I was broken. The world isn't right without these two together!

I would have done anything for Raphael Nelson if only he’d have let me. If only he’d have stayed. If only he hadn’t walked out the door and destroyed everything we shared with each other. If only he hadn’t taken everything from me when he left me.
You have my heart and my soul, Raphi. You have everything of mine.
I’m nothing without you.
Nothing at all.

PART 3
Honestly, I could easily go into detail about the close of this book, but how rude would that be!? No spoilers aloud.. although I guess it wouldn't be a spoiler but STILL!

Themes include:
- Mental Illness: depression & suicidal thoughts
- The importance of family
- Forgiveness and healing
- Self Love and Acceptance
My biggest take away from this book involved Raphi's struggle to accept & love himself, & to get the help needed to acheive that.
Raphi has the support of his four siblings, as well as his parents - not only one, not two parents, but *5* - his mom and 4 dads. His bio dad is pan & another of his fathers is bi, & it is said so many times both Raphi to himself & reinforced by his parents & brother, that he can love/have feelings for who ever he wants, & if he's not ready to give himself a label *that's okay too*. There is literally no pressure being placed on him to make any decision from his family, nor from Jonah. It's all an internal struggle for him. That's because accepting / loving himself is something that only he can grant themselves.

No matter how many people are supporting you, if you don't love yourself, you won't be able to see beyond your own negative self image. You could have all the external love in the world, but it won't make you love yourself, accept yourself, if you don't already. This is Raphi's struggle.


CONCLUSION
You need to read this book. Raphi & Jonah's story is as beautiful & passionate as it is tragic & broken.
Go now, run don't walk.
AND don't forget to read The Syndicate Series first!!!!

[♡ cal ♡]

Dnf @ 30%

Time to let go. It’s too dramatic for me, I guess.

[Tammy · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raphael is friend with Jonah’s sister but soon sparks are flying between both Raphael and Jonah. Raphael doesn’t really know who is or what is wants in life and the pain from his past continually gets in the way of their relationship. Jonah can’t let go but is constantly in pain by what Raphael does to hurt their relationship. Fast-paced read with loads of drama, steam and emotion. Both characters have lots of depth and it really draws you into their story. I really liked it.

[Matthew Burroughs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our Darkest Scar by Sarah Bailey is the next selection in the “Our Darkest” series that continues the generational saga of the previously written “Syndicate Boys” series. Raphael (or “Raphi”) is a son from the unique family of the Syndicate, a child born after the struggles of the family’s journey to find peace. While he is Eric’s biological son, his household is essentially four father figures and a mother, all of which was fully explored in the previous series. Jonah comes from a more traditional household, as tragic as it may be. After the death of his father, and his mother all but rejecting him entirely, Jonah had to grow up fast despite still being high school aged. What follows is a journey spanning over a decade as both boys becoming men are learning to embrace their background and find their true selves.

As with the other books in this series, the storytelling is slow and deliberate. There’s a lot to say, but the story is best enjoyed at as slow a pace as you can reasonably read it. Time moves too slowly for these characters throughout, and if you can read at that same structure, you can feel their pain alongside them. Another important theme is the past, and more directly, the sort of family someone can be born into. As you could imagine for having such a unique family, Raphi is often bullied at school and exhibits signs of a deep depression. Whether we like it or not, children often inherit the baggage of their parents. The sexual dynamic of his family not withstanding, Raphi’s family committed some brutal acts in order to find their peace, and all of it seems to press on Raphael with each passing day. Jonah tends to rise above the fray, but can’t seem to help wanting to care and see after Raphi. This care and compassion makes Raphi still more vulnerable, and his sexuality and self identification also become harder and harder to understand.

Verdict: Our Darkest Scar by Sarah Bailey is a brilliant look at the dynamic of two male lovers that grow from boys to men, requiring them to confront their baggage in a painfully beautiful journey. It’s hard enough to find your true place as a child when you have a “normal” upbringing, but nothing involving these two could ever yield such a label. The powerful themes of a young man learning his sexual identity alongside the darkness within himself are explored respectfully and have a realistic, enjoyable payoff. The love scenes themselves are to the same high caliber we’ve come to know from this author, and take extra care to the details of this particular brand of love and romance. I’d love to spill my guts and say something crude about how “The Queen of Steam” excels at writing intense male sex scenes…but for this novel, there’s so much more to say. Read this story for its journey, the saga of true love that took a lot of pain to make happen. Savor and enjoy the entree of this novel, it’ll make the dessert taste that much more sweet.

Special thanks to Sarah Bailey for providing an advance review copy of Our Darkest Scar to TehBen.com for review. All thoughts and opinions are our own.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Darkest Scar is book 3 in Sarah Bailey Darkest series. The book is a male and male romance. It's heart wrenching, sad, emotionally charged, intense, an unrequited love, chalk loads of angst, drama, turmoil and humorous. It was well written, a standalone, easy to read, great characters and story line. In book 2 the author talked a little bit about Ralphie and Jonah. She mentioned how Jonah was in love with Ralphie who was his sisters Meredith best friend. Meredith was dating Ralphie's younger brother Cole. But Jonah was against the relationship because of what happened years ago between him and Ralphie but he wouldn't tell her what it was. Ralphie and his brothers and sister would get bullied at school because of their parents.
They had five fathers and one mother and they all live together, so the kids would pick on them and say mean things about their family. Something happened one day to Ralphie at school when they were younger and all Jonah wanted to do was to comfort him. But something changed that day in the dynamics of the relationship and Jonah fell in love but it was not reciprocated because Ralphie didn't know if he wanted to be with guys or girls. Ralphie home life although loved has made him emotionally and mentally unavailable. Jonah already knows that he only wants to date guys. No one could ever measure up for Jonah because he yearns for Ralphie. Ralphie had to figure out his out way. It was a slow journey with lots of emotions. I am glad that they finally got their HEA.

I received a free advanced early copy of this book from the author via Bookfunnel and I am voluntarily leaving a review of my thoughts.

[Suze Prescot · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our Darkest Scar is a brilliant story. I confess I was worried about reading it as I am not a fan of same-sex romances (I like to insinuate myself into the story and it doesn't quite work for me) but this was such a beautiful and tortured romance that it wasn't an issue. MM sex scenes but handled beautifully.
The story revolves around Raphi and Jonah, both of whom have personal issues, but it is Raphi's problems that trip them up. The author delivers a fine examination of clinical depression and anxiety (which she reveals at the end is based on her own experience). Well-developed characters, adorable protagonists and a fascinating storyline.
Part of Sarah Bailey's 'Our Darkest' trilogy, and sequels to The Devil’s Syndicate series .

[Rhonda Hicks · Rating 5 out of 5]

'Our Darkest Scar' is Sarah Bailey's third book in her "Our Darkest" series. I have to admit typing and backspacing an extraordinary number of times trying to convey to you what I've walked away with by the time I finished this story. Ok, let me try this again. There is a pile of tissue on my desk, the tears have dried, my heartbeat has slowed down, and my hands have stopped shaking. If you've read "The Devil's Syndicate" series, then you'll recognize some of the characters in this book and Raphael's background. You see this story all started when they were teenagers. Raphael, aka Raphi, is Jonah's sister's friend and Jonah just wanted to make Raphi feel better. That's all. Really. Then the friendship takes a slow turn. Jonah just can't help falling in love with Raphael but Raphael is not emotionally or mentally capable of having a relationship because of his past. Add the fact they both come from completely different backgrounds. Jonah knows from the beginning he prefers men while Raphi is having a difficult time figuring out what it is he wants out of life in general, much less what he wants in a relationship. Sarah Bailey always finds a way to pull me into whatever world she creates, but this one pulled me in so completely it shattered my heart not just from one POV but from both. I could understand and empathize with both of them. Hang in there though, the end and the epilogue made me want to hug not only the characters but the author as well. This is so worth the read.

[Lynn Stifle · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is book three in Our Darkest series and I absolutely loved this M/M romance.
Raphael is best friends with Jonah’s sister and Jonah can’t help falling for Raphael. My heart went out to Raphael and Jonah and everything they go through. This book is filled with angst, turmoil, drama, and humor. A wonderful story and one I highly enjoyed and recommend.

[Sarah]

Content Warning:
Undiagnosed depression and anxiety, character who struggles with their sexuality, graphic sexual content.

[Anne Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

So much heartache so much pain but an undeniable love
Please make sure to read the series called devils syndicate by Sarah to get the full extent of this amazing family. You will not be disappointed it’s an outstanding series. This is book 3 in our Darkest series.
This book ripped my heart out there, is so much pain in this book that just completely leaves you heartbroken. A young boy so confused with his upbringing with the things that are going through his mind after learning a family secret and with being bullied at school. Raphael was hiding in the bathroom at school after being bullied once again by a group of boys because of his parents and he just couldn’t take it anymore. At least he got to the bathroom before he started crying but he hears a voice asking if he’s okay? And there is something about his voice that makes him answer. He surprised to see that it’s his best friend Meredith’s older brother.
Jonah knew he should’ve just carried on but when he heard somebody crying he knew he would ask if he could help. And he was surprised when he saw Rafi coming out of the bathroom. He was Meredith‘s best friend and he knew he would offer him help to listen and be a friend.
But that one event was to change both their life forever. Jonah knew he was gay whereas Raphi was very confused about his sexuality he knew he was attracted to women but he was Having strange feelings about Jonah. Could they ever be together?? This story is spaced out over many years and it does contain issues about depression. I keep thinking there’s so much I want to say but I don’t want to give anything away. I will tell you, you will go through every single motion and you will question every think about who your support goes to. it’s like a tug-of-war where you know their feelings and my heart went out to both of them. These are two amazingly strong guys in their own way and I have thoroughly enjoyed reading the story it is honestly left me breathless at times but also wanting to bang their heads together a few times, but in the end my heart is just singing for these two and it was fantastic to see Ash, Quinn, Eric, Xavier and RoryIt’s amazing to see how their life turned out and what amazing children they had together. How they interact with one another and the family dynamic it’s just amazing it’s a brilliant read it’s so intriguing, inviting and addictive I cannot wait for Book number four.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is book three in the Our Darkest series. This is Raphael's story. My goodness where to start.....I started this review multiple times and still not certain this will do the book justice. Raphael is a character so unique, troubled, challenged, vulnerable, sweet and so freaking strong. Jonah may be two years older, may be wiser, openly gay and has a clear career path in mind but that does not mean he is perfect and happy. These two characters will break your heart, frustrate you and leave you with a huge smile at times. Their journey from teens to adults is no where near easy to begin with but add in five parents, bullying, depression and uncertain sexuality well you have just amped up everything. This family is constantly giving me a run for my money mentally and emotionally. I find that just when I start to get comfortable, I find myself slack jawed and knocked on my butt. I cannot recommend this author more, she never disappoints and writes with absolute precision. I cannot wait for more, enjoy!

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Véronique Laplante Grenier · Rating 5 out of 5]

Our Darkest scar is the third book in Our Darkest series by Sarah Bailey. Even if it can be read as a standalone, i recommend reading The Devil's Syndicate first if you want to know about Raphael parents, book 1 and 2 in Our Darkest series.

Jonah never meant to fall in love with his sister's best friend, Raphael. That boy is already confused about who he is and have problems at school with some bullies. Jonah only means to help him but unfortunately he will have his heart broken.

Raphael doesn't want his pity and think Jonah deserve better than a broken boy. Years later with the scar still fresh for both boys, they will meet again. Can their broken hearts be mended or it is to late for them?

I have really love Raph and Johan's story and can't wait to read Our darkest book 4. I have received an arc of this book from the author.

[C.B. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Intense, does a 360 with the feels! Jonah knows who he is and is out. Raphael, from the beginning questions everything in his life including his sexuality. It's like he can't trust himself or others. Raphael is Jonah's sister, Meredith's friend. Jonah tries to offer Raphael comfort and a friendship starts. Raphael's emotional immaturity creates a roadblock fed by his confustion. It was not his time yet. Lots of conflicts in this story. Lots of back and forth. You get occasional blasts of sunlight through the clouds. Do Jonah and Raphi get on the same page at the same time? Does their support group stay strong? This is a good story, just heavy. Nicely done. I received an ARC from Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[Nikki Rome · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully Heartwarming

This story is one of the most heartwarming journeys you will ever experience. Jonah and Raphi are made for each other but it takes them years to realize it. Even though you know they will end up together in the end there is nothing keeping you from wanting to follow the path to their happily ever after.

[Marcie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have hit backspace while writing this review quite a few times because I just can’t find the words to describe the beauty of this tale. I knew that when I started reading this, I would love it because of Sarah’s talent with pulling me into her character’s world - but this one? I am floored to the point I don’t know when I will be coming back from the book hangover this one has left me with. This is one of the most heartbreakingly beautiful M/M romances I have ever had the pleasure of reading. Sarah took me on journey with Jonah and Raphael’s story - she ripped my heart to shreds and put it back together only to repeat the cycle a couple of times and I would do it all again in a heartbeat.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[BooksBooksandmoreBooks69 · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love reading this series.
And it was a pleasure, even though the book is full of heartache and sadness.
It’s beautifully written, the words just flow from the pages and into your heart.
I lost track of time as I immersed myself into the world of Raphael and Jonah.

Raphael has five parents!! No he’s not a product of divorced parents, adopted or fostered. His parents all live together, he has one mum and four fathers!! That makes for a hectic home, his brothers Duke and Cole along with their sister Aurora are loved and protected, but kids can be cruel and Raphael is targeted by the bullies (and since his parents told him, it’s gotten worse) hiding in the school toilets, he hears a voice that will change his life!!!

Jonah is a caring young man, studious too, in fact he’s been called a geek many a time! But since he’s come out and admitted he’s gay, Jonah has felt a little out of sorts! He’s not looking for love or a relationship, he’s got enough going on in his world at the moment. Caring for his grieving mother (his father died recently and she’s not handling it very well) and being a shoulder for his sister Meredith to cry on, he just wants a friend!

Raphi and Jonas are drawn to one another, but both have so many issues and baggage between them, that it’s hard to see this couple make it!
And this book is full of ups and downs. Young love, betrayal and hurt. It’s way past angst, you actually feel sorry for both these characters.
Raphi has mental issues that he won’t deal with, he thinks it’s just a phase he’s going through. And he certainly isn’t gay! He likes girls, and so pushes the only person who will love him for him away....
Jonas can’t understand why Raphi won’t let him in, he’s good enough to sleep with, but not to be with!

And this happens a lot in this book, until one walks away from the other! But they can’t stay away for long. But with so many issues that Raphi won’t face and deal with, Jonas has to walk away.....

The parents to Raphael have a set of books themselves (the devil’s syndicate) and we get to see those characters from those books. I haven’t read them, but I’ll be adding it to my reading list.

Have tissues on hand (your going to need them!)

So would I recommend this book? In a heartbeat.
Yes it’s traumatic, yes it’s sad, yes I did have to wonder at my level of sanity at one point. (Who would put themselves through this level of reading pain?!) but my god was it worth those moments. It was worth losing sleep over, I haven’t read a book from start to finish in a while. I just couldn’t put it down.

This author and her dark series is being put at the top of a very long list of reading material and authors.
She’s my nugget of gold that will be added to my treasure chest of 2021.


🦋

[Denise · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Our Darkest Scar” is the story of Raphael and Jonah, 2 young man who fall in love as teenagers. Jonah is 2 years older than Raphi, who is a friend of Jonas sister. They are drawn together as teenagers, but Raphi has a lot of emotional and psychological issues to deal with, and at first he simply lacks the ability to really have a relationship. They each come from very different family structures, and although Jonah knows for sure at the very beginning that he romantically prefers men, it is a difficult process for Raphi to figure out his own sexuality. Raphi also have to deal with an incredibly complicated family background.

It was very helpful that the story is told from a dual POV because it provides valuable insight into what each character is thinking at each point in the story. The book covers about a decade in their lives, and there is a lot of character development. A lot of this story is angsty and sad, but hang in there because the ending and the epilogue make it all worthwhile.

[Bookaddict100 · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raphi at the age of 15 and Jonah age 17 start talking and sharing when Jonah finds an upset Raphi in the bathroom at school. Raphi has been getting bullied by classmates because his family life is different growing up with 4 dads and a mother. They both begin talking creating a trust and connection so strong that soon turns into so much more. But, Ralphi is struggling on the inside with his identity, seeing himself positively, and being bisexual. He will not ask for help even though he has an incredibly loving and understanding family at home, plus Jonah wants to be there for him and help those he loves the most. So, Ralphi pulls away thinking love is not enough and breaking Jonah’s heart.
This was very well written showing how mental illness can touch anyone at any age. An emotionally touching story between 2 young men and their journey to find happiness and their forever love. I love Sarah Bailey’s books and will always grab when available!
I received a free copy via booksprout and this is my review.

[readingromancehea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Raphael doesn't understand himself. He's at war over not only his feelings about himself but his sexuallity. Jonah is his friend Meredith's brother. He makes Raphael question so many things. Jonah feels like he shouldn't want his sisters best friend but he can't help how he feels. He knows there a connection there and wants to see where it goes. Will Raphael let him in or will he ruin he chance with Jonah completely?

This is the most emotional book I've ever read. I cried through this entire book. Raphael struggling was so painful. Jonah knowing he had feelings for Raphael and couldn't help him was heartbreaking. Their love for each other was deep and beautiful. The way Jonah looked at Raphael was astounding. Raphael's feeling about himself was hurtful. I wished I could help Raphael myself. Raphael's family is the best. I love them so much. The nickname Raphael gives Jonah is incredible. What a crazy ride this was.

[Jeanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story actually has characters from multiple series, none of which I have read, and covers about ten years. These two young men, Raphael and Jonah, fall in love as teens, but Raphael’s emotional/mental issues hinder a relationship over and over. Much of the story is very sad. The story of from both points of view so you really get to feel their emotions. It was a slow-paced book, but very good.

I received a free copy of this book.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

A beautifully written story with so much emotion, it drew me in and I couldn’t stop reading this book. The author crafted amazing characters who were likable, intelligent and loving. Their journey was difficult and the tension ran high. It was a emotionally captivating story which was a joy to read.

I requested a copy of this book so I could provide an honest review.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg. So good. Detailed storyline with lots of drama and suspense. Took my emotions on a roller coaster ride. Characters were multi layered and relatable. Highly recommend this book.

I received a free copy of this book via Booksprout and am voluntarily leaving a review.

[E. · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a great continue of the Darkest series. This is the 3rd book in this series, It even better then the last two ones.

[Kathy Mccalmon · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the 3rd book in the standalone series. It is A M/M romance. The storyline has drama conflict pain and suffering. Will there be a light at the end? I voluntarily reviewed this ARC

[Tory · Rating 1 out of 5]

Are you freaking kidding me?

[Nicola Hirst · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!

[Erica · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good m/m book..... A lot of obsicules were thrown at Jonah and Raphael.... From accepting who you are inside to real life problems like depression... Loved the ending!

[Nate · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an emotional & intriguing read. Good characters. I received a free copy of the book. And am voluntarily leaving my honest opinion.

[Ladun Ogidan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved it!

[Steffie Janssen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a beautiful story!😩 I loved every second of it.