All Right So Far: Finding Our Way in the Not-So-Deep Woods

by Sheila Balls

This is the true story of an ordinary couple at a not so ordinary time in their life. It is a story which ultimately offers a sense of hope and humor, a story which proves that despite health crises and marriage challenges, you can still see yourself as All Right So Far.

237 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 11, 2019

About the author

Sheila (Smith) spent her first twenty years in North Bay Ontario and went on to a teaching career which took her to the Sudbury area, Whitby, and finally Owen Sound. Here she met and married Carl Balls in 1971 and they raised two children, Michael born in 1974 and Catherine in 1976.
Sheila wrote through all those years but began publishing material only when she retired from teaching.
Her first book of personal essays, Somebody Move the Cat, was accepted by The Brucedale Press, the first publisher she sent it to, and came out in 2003. In 2005 she self-published Our Side of the Fence while living on beautiful Bass Lake south of Wiarton.
Carl and Sheila moved late in 2007 to Grey Highlands and then, with Carl needing care for his declining health, to Meaford.
Her third book, 'All Right So Far' is available now.

Reviews

[Clif Hostetler · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a reflection on a couple's early retirement years. The author, Sheila Balls, and her husband were veterans of life-long teaching careers, and they unexpectedly had been rewarded with rule changes that permitted retirement in their 50s instead of their 60s. After a life of multiple moves to new houses including an earlier period of financial stress caused by a ten year delay selling one of their old houses, they moved into a house overlooking a lake and near some "not-so-deep woods" that they anticipated to be the ideal location for a happy and contented retirement.

The book is written in the form of short vignettes that emote a reflective mood suggestive of personal journal entries. These short essays are grouped into three segments, titled (1) Headed Downhill, (2) Getting Back on Track, and (3) New Directions, which provide clues to the overall arc of the book's narrative. The first parts of the book focuses primarily on husband Carl's slowly deteriorating health and stresses within the marital relationship. The later parts of the book makes note of additional stresses caused by being the "panini generation" (a toasted version of sandwich generation).

Sheila had anticipated that retirement would be a time during which she and her husband would enjoy spending more time together. Carl in contrast found retirement an opportunity to do construction work with a contractor friend—an activity that kept him away from home for long hours. Other personal issues also existed as hinted in the following excerpt (which I think gives an example of the author's reflective style):

I think marriage lets us practice ways to connect more deeply in the world. On the plus side, Carl and I have learned about balancing our own, and one another's needs and talk about that honesty. We have learned what motivates us and what sacrifices we are willing to make. Less happily we've seen that in our unfortunate urge to show we are right we too often give up possibilities for contented times together to prove a point. We have allowed anxiety to get in control when our minds cautioned reason. (p128)

Carl's health showed an ominous trend toward decreased mobility and tendency for problems to appear in other parts of his body. There were repeated battles with inefficiencies in the health care system (Canadian in this case). At one point in the struggle with the medical services Sheila made the following threat.

Every ounce of assertiveness in me rose to the surface. "You'll be reading about this in my next book."

The nurse laughed.

"I have two published already." The nurse wheeled around and left the room. Michael followed and returned a few minutes later "They're calling for a helicopter," he said. (p176)

The problem of no ambulance had been corrected by utilization of a helicopter to fly Carl to a large medical center for emergency surgery.

As I approached the end of the book I couldn't help but wonder if the narrative was leading to a concluding event. There are significant events near the end of the book including the birth of a second grandchild, moving to a new house, changes to their son's health and employment, and death of the author's mother-in-law. But what about her husband? Carl's health complications portended an unpromising future, so I as a reader couldn't help but wonder where his health was headed. Apparently Sheila's friends had been anticipating the completion of this book for some time and were wondering why it was taking so long. The Epilogue recounts a friend's comment that insinuates that Sheila must be waiting for the death of her husband in order to complete the book. That inspired her to go ahead and bring the book to an end and publish. It is left to the reader to interpret these oblique epilogue comments.

This memoir is an account of ordinary life that contains enough in common with the lives of most retired couples to provide plenty of issues with which to identify. Sheila's skilled writing invites the reader to enter her world, identify with her experiences, and then to leave with a sense of expanded life experience.

Full disclosure:
Sheila Balls is a Goodreads.com friend of mine. Years ago she sent one of her earlier books to me, which regrettably I never got around to reviewing. Thus, when I learned about the publishing of this new book I was motivated to purchase, read, and review it.

[Liza Grantham · Rating 5 out of 5]

This intimate and thought-provoking memoir traces the journey of Sheila and Carl, a couple whose happy and predictable lives are thrown suddenly and alarmingly into a state of uncertainty when Carl is diagnosed with a degenerative neurological disease.
Sheila writes with emotion and elegance, unravelling the complex strands of her struggle with both determination and vulnerability. More than the story of a relationship threatened by the stress of ill-health, this is the raw and honest account of her personal quest to save not only her marriage but also herself.
As Sheila struggles to adjust and locate herself amidst the confusion, she takes time out for reflection; finding solace in her idyllic natural surroundings. Through well-crafted poetry, visualisations and shifting metaphors, she weighs her feelings of guilt and duty with her sense of identity and survival, in order to redefine her place in her rapidly changing world.
This memoir will leave the reader feeling like a self-conscious yet privileged intruder in a story tinged with sadness, yet peppered with humour, hope and love.

[Sheila · Rating 5 out of 5]

More sadness, more challenges, than in the earlier books, but when you write memoir you need to tell it the way it happened... especially if your goal is to help others who might identify. There were the fun times too. How could there not be, with a character like Carl? And ultimately, the book had to offer a sense of hope.

[Angie Vancise · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a raw emotional memoir. It was so vulnerable that I felt I should almost not be reading it, like I was reading someones diary but that's what made it so good, so real and so enduring. Well done Sheila, I can't wait for the sequel.

Angie Vancise, author of Cry of an Osprey

[Lynn Wyvill · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this book slowly. Each chapter was an essay of the emotional and physical journey the author found herself travelling. I was brought into her story. And it was an immersion. Poems, journal notes and emails are beautifully positioned throughout, each ringing with love and honesty. In my opinion the author has created a resource as well as a memoir. It is beautiful.

[Sheila · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is definitely the best of my three published books. The sequel which is written but not yet released, is called Walk This Way. Where [I am told] All Right So Far has made many readers cry at times, the sequel makes ME cry. Not sure if that encourages you to read the book, but there’s just as much fun in it as tears. Kind of a reflection on the way life is!

[Katharine · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir is a moving and intimate account of a couple coming to terms with ongoing diagnoses of debilitating conditions. Theirs is a journey of pain, hope, and beautiful moments of kindness and wisdom.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

How do I even begin to express how deeply moved I was by this memoir! Sheila has gone far beyond chronicling the journey of her husband, Carl’s sudden, devastating illness, she has shared with us, through her stunningly beautiful letters and poems, the story of her love for this unique, gifted, tender-hearted man. And his love for her. Through every chapter that love shines through, despite hospital visits, surgeries, and the inevitable pressure these heartbreaking challenges put on their previously rock-solid partnership. To be able to describe all these things with such eloquent, thought-provoking words is a wonderful gift. Sheila has this gift and I’m so glad she’s chosen to share it with me…and the world.

[Judy Middleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you’ve ever wondered how you would navigate a serious family illness or if you’ve experienced one and considered whether it should have been a smoother ride, let Sheila’s story give you insight and relief as you get a bare-bones peek into the difficulties and struggles, joys and victories of an honest and caring couple. I felt like a privileged friend meeting for tea and cake as I heard her heart, chuckled over the ironic, bristled over the unfair and cheered their relationship. Keep writing, Sheila, we’re waiting for the sequel!