Ayudar a la gente a cambiar: Coaching compasivo para aprender y crecer a lo largo de la vida (Monografías REM nº 11)

by Richard E. Boyatzis

En este libro, poderoso y práctico, el experto en inteligencia emocional Richard Boyatzis nos explica que si lo que realmente pretendemos es provocar en los demás un cambio significativo, debemos conectar con la visión positiva que cada persona tiene de sí misma, con el sueño u objetivo inspirador que conserva en su interior.

Ayudar a la gente a cambiar describe cómo a través del "coaching compasivo" se consigue que las personas piensen de manera creativa, fomentando así su aprendizaje y desarrollo personal de manera significativa y sostenible. La lectura de esta obra transformará definitivamente el modo en que debemos actuar cuando intentamos ayudar a los demás.

Basado en un exhaustivo trabajo de investigación, ofrece una profunda orientación práctica, consejos, historias e ideas del mundo real sobre cómo y por qué las personas cambian (o no)

Expone las herramientas y técnicas que los coaches pueden usar para ayudar a las personas a alcanzar su máximo potencial y encontrar sus vidas más gratificantes.La obra incluye una serie de ejercicios de autorreflexión.Reseñ

"Por fin, una respuesta con fundamentos científicos a esa pregunta tan importante de ¿cómo puedo ayudar a los demás? Tanto si eres profesor, director, padre, responsable sanitario o coach, como si tienes una empresa grande o pequeña, Ayudar a la gente a cambiar te ofrece una excelente orientación". Daniel Goleman autor de Inteligencia emocional y coautor de Rasgos alterados.

"No es otro libro de coaching. Basado en más de tres décadas de investigación, Ayudar a la gente a cambiar cuenta historias inspiradoras de coaching compasivo para ilustrar cómo el poder de nuestros sueños es la clave para conseguir un cambio positivo. Un libro práctico que ayudará a los profesionales de empresas de todos los niveles".Claudy Jules, directora y responsable del Center of Expertise on Organizational Health and Change, Google.

"Para que el cambio que se persigue no sea pasajero, las personas deben entender ese cambio como una extensión positiva de su yo ideal. En Ayudar a la gente a cambiar, Boyatzis, Smith y Van Oosten demuestran el poder que tiene el coaching compasivo, ilustrándolo con ejemplos convincentes de personas que aprovechan sus sueños para crecer y cambiar su vida. Una guía poderosa y práctica para cualquier padre, amigo o líder de cualquier tipo de empresa".Juan Segovia, vicepresidente de operaciones de Sterigenics.

"¿Cuál es el secreto para conseguir cambios genuinos y duraderos en la vida de las personas? Gracias a un exhaustivo trabajo de investigación, profunda comprensión y orientación práctica, Boyatzis, Smith y Van Oosten demuestran que el verdadero coaching no consiste en resolver los problemas de los demás, sino en sacar el máximo partido a la inspiradora visión personal de cada uno. Un libro de referencia". Marshall Goldsmith, autor de Disparadores, Mojo, y What Got You Here Won't Get You There.

Genres: Leadership, Nonfiction, Business, Management, Psychology, Self Help, Professional Development

415 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 20, 2019

About the author

Richard E. Boyatzis is a professor in the organizational behavior, psychology, and cognitive science departments of Case Western Reserve University and in the human resources department of ESADE. Using his Intentional Change Theory (ICT) and complexity theory, he continues to research sustained, desired change at all levels of human endeavor: individuals, teams, organizations, communities, countries, and global change.

Boyatzis has authored or coauthored more than 125 articles on leadership, competencies, emotional intelligence, competency development, coaching, and management education. His books include Becoming a Resonant Leader (Harvard Business Review Press, 2008), coauthored with Annie McKee and Fran Johnston; Resonant Leadership (Harvard Business Review Press, 2005), with Annie McKee; Primal Leadership (Harvard Business Review Press 2002), with Daniel Goleman and Annie McKee; and The Competent Manager (Wiley, 1982).

Boyatzis has a BS in aeronautics and astronautics from MIT and an MS and a doctorate in social psychology from Harvard University.

Source: Harvard Business School Publishing

Reviews

[Sarah · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had very high hopes for this book and I was quite disappointed. As a passionate executive coach I'm always looking for ways to expand my skillset and my thinking. I was initially attracted to this book because it seemed like it would provide new insights into engaging people through positive emotion, moving away from compliance-based coaching into coaching that is really focused on the whole person.

Perhaps that should have been a red flag to me as anyone who *is* a coach and who has been trained through a certified coaching body *probably* has tapped into this mindset. So in some ways it felt dedicated to people who might be new to coaching.

That being said, even if it was, the book was filled with high-level themes and disconnected pieces of advice. Sure, there were exercises or applications at the end of each chapter, but *nothing* holds the book together. There's no grounding model or framework that would be directive for a new coach (or an "old" coach who wants new techniques) to hang onto.

There were also some negative generalizations about coaching and generational comments. At what point can we stop generalize Boomers and Millennials? I'm really tired of the stereotypes.

Anyway, it is possible that if you are curious about coaching that you might glean some value from this book. But given the number of options on this topic I cannot recommend this book -- at all.

[Ell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a solid, practical book for coaches, practitioners and supportive friends. I learned some time ago that people are more empowered when coached or counseled in a compassionate-led manner. This may seem utterly logical but most approaches are problem-led. This can be a stressful or unpleasant experience for many people. Focusing on positive affects increases feelings of self-efficacy, opens the doors to growth and increases levels of commitment. I plan to refer back to this book time and again for important reminders and helpful tips.

[James · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good read for people who are interested in coaching others and those who may feel curiosity or uneasiness about being coached themselves.

The coaching philosophy (coaching with compassion) seems like a nice idea compared to coaching for compliance, which is more traditional. I can see how this method would be helpful for people who are basically successful and pretty far along in their careers. I'm not sold on its application for early career or non-professional-type work.

Some of it is a bit woo-woo for my taste (PEA and NEA, especially), but not everyone will feel that way.

Also, the book does well with marginalization having to do with gender, but presents a working world that is super hetero-normative and cisgender, bringing unnecessary assumptions about family and religion to the table. I'm kind of curious if the authors have ever coached a queer person.

The idea of creating a personal vision is compelling, but I was unable to delve too deeply into the concept. I'm not in a place where I can do that. The authors speak to this in the last chapter of the book. That said, some of the exercises are great. I believe most readers would benefit from exploring their values and influences. If I'm likely to reread any of the book, it would be the summaries and exercises at the end of the chapters.

Sigh...

I do have one issue with the book. The view the authors have of millennial workers is largely myopic, one-dimensional, and unfair. Millennials don't taking selfies because we're selfish. We take them because throughout most of our lives, we haven't anyone to take pictures of/with us. We've been alone. We often don't have siblings provided for us. We moved often as children/teens and had few neighborhood friends. As adults we often don't have partners, because of the demands of school, then work. If anyone will EVER create a visual record of our existence as human beings, that's on us, on ourselves, to do that. So, fuck you guys.

Overall, good book on a topic (coaching) that really isn't written about in depth for the casual reader. Maybe a bit rose-colored. Maybe assumes some privilege. But worth checking out for those interested in the topic. LOL...it's probably even better for a group than a solo reader.

Also, most of my values weren't included in the gigantic values list exercise and that sucked for me, but other readers' mileage may vary!

[Tom Cross · Rating 1 out of 5]

“Where’s the beef”. Just a bunch of generalizations and obsession with praising their own academic research. Found no concrete steps to achieve compassionate coaching.

[Wes Martin · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone in a helping profession, and I don’t say must-read lightly. Richard Boyatzis is the least appreciated voice in the world of leadership development and coaching. He is brilliant, generous, and unbelievably humble. Additionally, the voices of co-authors Melvin Smith and Ellen Van Oosten shine through, adding a great depth to the understanding of Intentional Change Theory in practice.

[Tyson Brown · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were a few practical nuggets for me as a coach, but I wanted more. More details, more process, and more examples. I needed to see directly the connection between compassion for a client and the process. What does it look like to coach without compassion? I know what compassion is, but tell me how to leverage it as a coach specifically.

[Emanuel Steininger · Rating 4 out of 5]

The principle of coaching with compassion was new and very interesting to me.

My main takeaway were the
- difference between PEAs (positive emotional attractors) and NEA (negative emotional attractors)
- that the ration between them should be 5:1
- that coaching should start with a vision statement
- that you should start with PEAs

I would have given a 5 star rating if the book would have been more actionable. It has lots of questions to self-reflect, but little to use in coaching sessions.

But I would still recommend the book to everyone who tries to help others reach their potential.

[Nathan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good. Ordering the physical copy so I can read in more depth.

[Khangai D · Rating 4 out of 5]

heart-warming бүтээл байнаа. Жоохон сунжруулаад бнуудаа гэж яг бодогдож эхэлсэн чинь азаар дуусчихла <3

[Roberto Yanguas · Rating 4 out of 5]

I do love Boyatzis and his faculty members’ work. With the exception of the chapter on peer coaching (which I found less interesting / a bit boring), I really enjoyed the book as a complement / reminder to the Coursera’s MOOC that he teaches, and that I did years ago.

This book explains all the foundational elements of Intentional Change Theory and it’s a great way to get introduced to Boyatzis’ work for the first time.

[Anna Beck · Rating 3 out of 5]

DNF’d-because it wasn’t what I was looking for. I wanted a book on mentoring, not coaching. I thought I’d maybe glean something from this though. It wasn’t what I was looking for.

[Zoran K · Rating 2 out of 5]

I got more out of a HBR podcast with R Boyatzis as I did out of this book.

Great concepts on coaching. Coaching compassion is a sensible body of thinking.

A lot of the examples and case studies are pretty pedestrian - often involving authors themselves eg. random exchange with a spouse / daughter. Doesnt feel like these authors tried very hard to do research for the book. They also re-used a lot of their existing work and repackage here.

I’ve lost count how many times Case Western university and Weatherhead school were mentioned, a bit over the top.

Overall a pretty poor delivery of a book around some very sound coaching concepts. A missed opportunity.

[Maurynne Maxwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you want to be a more inspiring person or a better leader, if you want to attract—and keep—the millennial generation in your workplace, this science-backed book is the replacement for the ultimately ineffective One Minute Manager of the last century. But organizations, therapists, coaches, pastors, and helpers who counsel others will also find a valuable resource in these 200 pages. It also works as a self help book. In fact the authors point out that in order to help someone else to enable lasting change, you need to do the same self care and homework that you encourage your clients, family, or staff to do. 
The research (including functional MRI brain scans) shows that in order to make behavioral change lasting, you have to accentuate the positive over the negative; people shut down when they feel blame and judgement from the rational mind, and it’s the emotions that rule behavior. Instead of triggering the stress hormones that come from the rational mind and the sympathetic nervous system, you need to engage the parasympathetic nervous system—the creative mind—and engage the hormones of creativity more often. It's not a balance of equals: the carrots must outnumber the sticks, the praise must come more often than the threats, or change won't last. 
It’s still a version of threats and rewards, fear and love, carrots and sticks, but now we know they work better if they’re inner driven, not imposed. You can’t motivate from the top down, or force people to change from the outside in, as sages have been saying for millennia—and now there’s research to prove it. 
For a university press book, there’s surprisingly little jargon, though the aforementioned carrots and sticks are called Positive Emotional Attractors and Negative Emotional Attractors. (Obligatory acronyms of PEA and NEA.) There are helpful sidebars and anecdotal stories, with plenty of science cites in the notes. Anyone willing to do the work of reading and inner investigation will come away knowing how to engage with people on a core level in order to truly help—though you’ll have to do the action steps in order to be effective. Highly recommended. 

[Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

The most important learnings for me were:

- Importance of crafting a personal vision statement and talking about it with others
- mindset of supporting the person instead of trying to fix the problem
- coaching with compassion vs. coaching for compliance
- the idea of resonant leadership
- the importance of coaches/managers/helpers engaging in renewal and taking care of their own emotional well-being in order to effectively serve others

[Christian Oltra · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
Interesante libro para coaches y personas interesadas en el crecimiento personal basado en años de investigación y práctica sobre la importancia de la compasión en los procesos de coaching personal y terapéuticos así como sobre la necesidad de ayudar a desarrollar en las personas una visión personal positiva, del yo ideal, que ejerza de atractor emocional positivo de la motivación.

[Ana Fernanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Un libro que científicamente nos habla de cómo ayudar a los demás, la compasión, la empatía hace cambios en nuestra vida y en la de los otros. Si te interesa ser coach o ya lo eres, recomendado 100% (también si tienes personas a tu cargo).

[Patrick Tay · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a great book and I totally agree with the compassionate stance that the authors have taken. I have the blessings to have seen the differences between the outcome and reaction of people who have been coached with compassion, and those who have been coached with compliance. The former often felt understood, cared for and loved, while the latter often turned defensive and hardened over time, to the point of retorting the suggested advice because they do not feel aligned, understood or respected by their mentors.

It would be great if all of us have the experiences of being coached with compassion first to experience firsthand the impact of such positive support and encouragement from another before applying this approach to our clients. This is because it is often when we experience the benefits firsthand that we truly believe in the approach, and it greatly enhances our effectiveness as coaches with compassion due to our personal conviction in the viability and feasibility of this approach.

I'd strongly encourage this book for all coaches, mentors, as well as medical and healthcare professionals.

[Karma · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars

The book makes a case for coaching people with compassion. The authors try to emphasize that there should be a great working relationship between the coach and the person being coached. The coach should take an active interest in how the person is behaving, what are his passions, his ideal self, his vision for himself and how he wants to live life.

Coaches need to listen to the person being coached but also read between the lines and see if there is any societal obligation standing mid-way. Coaches need to ask questions and actively listen. Coaches need to able to make sure that the people who see them thrive but that often involves asking deeper questions and willingness to push the client.

The information collected by the authors is commendable and the book flows well. It's a 3.5 stars book instead of a 4 stars book because the book is like 'prescribed reading' for an MBA class at many places. Maybe it's because it is intended for that audience but I feel it will be very helpful to a lot of other people also and this may be a little problematic.

[Jeno · Rating 1 out of 5]

garbage full of self-importance and some bs 'studies' as they call them based on newspaper articles and interviews;
the entire science is blunt and has next to no proof (none provided at the very least);

and again, it is full of pieces of weird information - collections of quotes by Frankl and some random sportsmen of the US.

none of it is actionable and even more - if you really try to use even half of it you will be the worst coach one had seen.

'books' these days are product demos of people who write them.
it is not about the condensed volume of knowledge, work of years of experience, pain and suffering to bring it all out there - it is a self-promo manifesto disguised as a book;
you can always post about it - what else could you do with a brochure like this?..

Bad quality writing, full of water and nonsense examples, borderline rude when it steals your precious time.

Richard, go get a job!

[A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

Más allá del afamado concepto de coaching, este libro se refiere específicamente al "coaching compasivo" que emerge como una herramienta que se basa en el apoyo emocional, la empatía y la relación resonante entre individuos. Los autores exploran algunos otros conceptos útiles: La relevancia de fomentar la motivación interna, ayudar a experimentar nuevas conductas, lograr la conexión con los anhelos personales para lograr el cambio, etc. Un punto interesante es el del intercambio: quien supuestamente presta ayuda, también la recibe. Coach y "coachee" intercambian emociones y sensaciones y se enriquecen mutuamente. Esa reciprocidad es clave en el vínculo.
Cada tanto leo este tipo de libros, aunque no siempre los reseño. Creo que éste, en particular, puede resultar interesante para quienes lideran grupos de trabajo, asisten de una u otra forma a personas con enfermedades crónicas o atravesando crisis personales o son educadores en general.

[Greg Hawod · Rating 5 out of 5]

The reason why we coach is to bring out the best out of people. Most of the coaching conversations we have today aim to correct what is wrong with the person being coached. The problem with this type of coaching is the way this method makes the coachee feel during the session. Most of the time it feels bad.

If the only coaching that you know is when one person points out the bad about the other, then most likely you may not be looking forward to be inspired every time there is one.

This book is a treasure throve of ideas on how to coach with compassion. It teaches us to bring more positivity in the experience rather than the negative.

Backed by solid research studies, these ideas are already tested and yield positive results.

If I am going to be a coach, I wanted to be seen as someone who inspires, provides useful insights, and compell people to take actions based on the positivity they feel. This book teaches me how.

[Emily Bassett · Rating 4 out of 5]

I might have given this book a "5 star" if I had been in a different place when I read it. This is more of a "workbook" and not as much a "read to change your mind" book. I picked up this book because I myself need help figuring out what to change (and what NOT to change) in my life. And, I am heavily involved in both coaching and being coached relationships, both personally and professionally.

I love everything that these authors teach, and it all absolutely resonates with what I believe to be deeply true--that appreciative inquiry is the path toward lasting change.

There are great practical exercises and open ended questions in this book, and now I just need to spend more time actually DOING them and ASKING them. Looking forward to meeting one of the authors (virtually) later this week!

[Mukesh Gupta · Rating 4 out of 5]

I got a digital review copy of the book via NetGalley. I am training to become a facilitator and coach. I think this was a great book for my coaching practice. One thing that i learnt really well from this book is that we cant change anybody by what we do., WE can only create an environment where people are willing to take the risk and change themselves. The entire book is then about how do we go about creating such an environment.

This book would be a #mustread if you are a coach or want to become one, if you are a manager in the process of transforming how your team functions or leading a team through rough weather. This is a great book if you are a parent of a teenager and would like to influence them in a positive way!

[Shrinivas Susarla · Rating 5 out of 5]

Coaching with Compassion is the key and not coaching for compliance. Authors have driven the point very well.

PEA - Positive Emotional Attractor
NEA - Negative Emotional Attractor are concepts which I found very pivotal in having Coaching conversations as a Coach.

I learnt from this book - what to be as coach and how I will make a positive difference to clients through having talks to take to PEA zone with resonant relationship.

I am learnt as a human being, coach - serve as a source of inspiration; show a genuine sense of caring and concern; provide support and encouragement and facilitate the discovery of dreams and passions.

Resonant Relationship with clients from my side for them to get experience of mindfulness, arousal of hope and demonstration of compassion.

[Shirin A. · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've been reading about coaching for a while, but this was my first book on the topic. I listened to the audiobook and the experience was quite enjoyable; the book provides a good enough overview of the subject and as such it doesn't get into boring (for me, someone's who's not a couch, but just interested in ways to better myself and improve my deep listening skills) technicalities.
I found the concept of coaching with compassion vs. coaching to compliance particularly interesting as the idea of coming up with a life vision that merges the professional and personal dimensions really resonated with me.
Read this if you're keen to know more about coaching, but also if you want to become a better listener and friend.

[Laura Skladzinski · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although there was a lot of content that was interesting and compelling (including some great visioning exercises), I found that it so seemed to target those who are professional business coaches that it was a turnoff to the other intended audiences. (My book club agreed with me on this.) Although the PEA / NEA acronyms were quite simple, for whatever reason, I had a lot of trouble remembering what they stood for / what they actually meant, and I had to keep flipping back - and again, the rest of my book club said the same! Something about the style in which this was written made it seem rather dry and repetitive rather than insightful.

[Victoria McLean · Rating 2 out of 5]

Received this book at the AVMA VLC as Boyatzis was the keynote speaker. This book could be edited down to 50-75 pages if you were to take out the redundancies and fluff. While there are a few take away points that I will hold on to as I one day transition to practice owner, a lot of what this book discusses was not the most relevant for the veterinary field - to clarify, the book is not marketed at all for veterinarians, but it was presented to veterinarians specifically at the conference, so it’s the only point of view I have in which to review this book. While the book provides references, it does not dive deep into psychological research and is very surface level.

[Alysson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Typically when we coach people, we usually look for a gap to immediately close. The author states that this is more of a problem centered approach. He argues that in order to motivate sustained learning change or adaption that this is NOT the correct way even though it leads to quick correct action. Instead, when you coach someone you need to be focusing on the learner and THEIR vision. You can do this through active listening and asking deeper questions. While I think the message is important, the book itself was more behavioral psych than I was anticipating.

[Diane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some really useful information in this for coaches that takes them away from the rigid structures normally taught. However, the final chapter drifts into 'if people are able to think positively, they will succeed.' Which isn't really true and can be quite dangerous. Their main premise is, if people are given the freedom and support to envision what they truly want then they can start to figure out ways to make it possible or discover if it is what they actually want. That's not the same as the positive mindset garbage.

[Lori Staples · Rating 4 out of 5]

This a great book to have in your coaching library. Practical knowledge and solid examples on how to successfully engage someone’s positive emotional attractor (PEA) vice their negative emotional attractor (NEA). I learned a great deal on focusing on compassion led coaching to help a person make lasting behavioral changes. I also picked up some tips on dealing with my executives at work and their problem- solution ways and found success in reframing our problem to actively engage their PEA. This is a great resource!