Why Marriage Matters: America, Equality, and Gay People's Right to Marry

by Evan Wolfson

"At its core, the freedom-to-marry movement is about the same thing every civil rights struggle has been taking seriously our country's promise to be a nation its citizens can make better, its promise to be a place where people don't have to give up their differences or hide them in order to be treated equally."

Why Marriage Matters offers a compelling, intelligently reasoned discussion of a question that still remains in the national consciousness. It is the work of one of the most influential attorneys in America, who has dedicated his life to the protection of individuals' rights and our Constitution's commitment to equal justice under the law. Above all, it is a clear, straightforward book that brings into sharp focus the very human significance of the right to marry in America—not just for some couples, but for all.

Why is the word marriage so important? Will marriage for same-sex couples hurt the "sanctity" of the institution? How can people of different faiths reconcile their beliefs with the idea of marriage for same-sex couples? How will allowing gay couples to marry affect children?

In this quietly powerful volume, the most authoritative and fairly articulated book on the subject, Wolfson demonstrates why the right to marry is important—indeed necessary—for all couples and for America's promise of equality.

Genres: Nonfiction, Politics, LGBT, Sociology, Equality, Queer, Gay

256 pages, Paperback

First published July 27, 2004

Reviews

[Stephen · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is wrong and bad. We should not support such disgusting filth.

[Jess · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent, clearly written argument for marriage equality. It's a few years old, so it doesn't reflect recent advances, such as the legalization of same-sex marriages in NY State (and hopefully MD and WA) and the repeal of DADT, but the core arguments remain the same. It's an ideal book for someone who is on the fence, but wants to understand why marriage equality is so important to so many people.

[elizabeth sawyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Written in 2004 so there are elements of this book out of date (2015 the US Supreme Court ruled in favor of the freedom to marry nationwide for gays and lesbians). However, this book is a strong argument and discourse on the history and particular threads of thought in the movement for equality in marriage. The author is a lawyer and he is making his case from the perspective of being at the front of the charge for this movement for marriage equality, but overall the writing is extremely readable to the average person. While reading this in 2021, I am left with numerous insights into history of not just this movement but civil rights, the separation of church and state, and former movements for other equality aspects in the United States. I have numerous really key takeaways around race equality and the role of government that seem extremely relevant in the current climate of our country. A bit embarrassing to realize just how much I didn't know despite being an adult at the time of this book's writing.

The author writes in his conclusion about Strom Thurmond: "An obituary likes this invites each of us to ask ourselves how we will be remembered for our personal acts or silence during this, America’s latest fight for equal rights." I remember debates around this back in the late 90s/early 2000s and am saddened to realize my own ignorance. I wish I had dug deeper into facts and thought leaders to consider all elements of this movement before holding to an opinion I held then that was inherited from a limited world view without really much depth to why. It is my opinion (and the author references this some too) that we cannot change the past as a country or as individuals. We can learn from our history, and those of us who have made mistakes in the past can acknowledge and use that as we go forward. And I think in order to move forward as a nation such as the author described here: "The pattern of American history is that after a period of time, debate and patchwork, the nation moves towards resolution and equality." Then those injured by the history must make the choice to forgive and invite those who have changed to walk with them in the continued pursuit of equality. Further in my opinion, this book is another example of how poorly we are doing in reporting and educating the public on facts, thorough examination and training/practicing the art of discourse and disagreement. We must do a better job of being educated and thoughtful as individuals and not relying on the few to tell us or decide for us. If you are looking to be better educated on civil rights movements, this book is one you might include in your stack to glean insight from.

[Ivy]

I skimmed this book in a few hours. Agree with every word, but it clearly wasn't written for me. If I had the money, I would helicopter-drop this book into the Central Valley, or, even better, march into the public schools in all Californian cities outside San Francisco and push this as the homosexual agenda du jour. If I was teaching in the public schools outside SF, I think I'd risk a reprise of the Briggs Initiative and make this mandatory reading. It lays it all out pretty well. However, I don't know if it would change the mind of the God-hates-fags contingent (what would?), or even someone on the fence. if all they needed were well-reasoned arguments laid out by articulate pro-gay lawyers, there wouldn't be a fence to speak of, we'd all be in the marriage equality camp. Obvs there is more needed than a book. At the same time, this one's nice.

[Karen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Overall, I found this book to be compelling. His tone and use of language are effecting in making his case; I would imagine that this book could easily turn someone who is for marriage equality, though not at all invested in the issue, into an activist. Mr. Wolfson manages to take a hot topic, normally dripping with thickly-piled-on cliches, value judgments, false morals, and doom-saying, and distill out a cohesive legal and civil rights argument in favor of marriage equality. Neither his writing nor his arguments are strident or preachy, and his style is not pompous or lawyerly; it is accessible and eloquent. Even involved, critically-thinking people who are supporters will find themselves both nodding along in agreement and shaking their heads in disbelief as they read this book.

Favorite quote: "Gay rights, after all, are nothing more than non-gay rights made available to all."

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is extraordinary! The author's stance is that the movement towards marriage for gays and lesbians is no different than the civil rights movement of the 50's and 60's. He illustrates his point with timeless quotes, personal stories from real people, historical court cases and simple answers to the complex questions our nation is asking about marriage and homosexuality. It is a very helpful book for anyone who needs to talk to others about gay civil rights. I feel ready to debate this subject with heart and soul!

[Marvin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent book to use as a resource when countering common arguments used by gay rights opponents. Arguments that are predominantly based on selective biblical interpretations. Evan Wolfson demonstrates himself to be an expert on these issues by addressing them head-on and leaving numerous references to back up his points. If one could get these bigots to pick up this book and read, which no doubt would be a daunting task, they would quickly find their opposition bereft of commonsense logic.

[Kim Stallwood · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book. Recommend it to students of social movements. Interesting to read as it was published in 2004 before the US legalised same-sex marriage in 2015 with a ruling from the Supreme Court. So, in that sense, it's reading an account of a social movement in the middle of its struggle written with the prospect of knowing how it may play out.

[Valerie Sherman · Rating 4 out of 5]

Anyone who is against gay marriage should read this book. Keeping yourself misinformed about marriage rights for same-sex couples is not going to stop it from happening.

Anyone who is for same-sex marriage rights should read this book to arm yourself against those who are against.

[Paradasia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Made me cry by the end, great summary of the debate and facts surrounding the issue of freedom to marry. The intro bothered me a bit, definitely has a bias but seems well cited and has a ton of great quotes.

[José · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wolfson draws from social, psychological, political, legal, and civil rights perspectives to argue a potent and convincing case for marriage equality. Highly recommended for those interested in one of the most important civil rights issues of our time.

[Jacqueline · Rating 4 out of 5]

Wolfson's book is an educational experience for anyone that wants to know why equal marraige rights are so important.

[Cate · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book promoting an end to marriage discrimination in America.

[Cam White · Rating 5 out of 5]

Concise, simple, but elegant arguments for the need for marriage equality in this country. Awesome read.

[Matthew Matheson]

The future of marriage (christian) debate