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学校へ行けなかった私が「あの花」「ここさけ」を書くまで (文春e-book)
「あの花」「ここさけ」を生んだ脚本家・岡田麿里が明かす“不登校の日々"
『あの日見た花の名前を僕達はまだ知らない。』『心が叫びたがってるんだ。』
普段アニメを観ない方も、このタイトルに聞き覚えがある方は多いのではないだろうか。
映画の興行収入がともに十億を超え“聖地巡礼アニメ"として大きな話題になった両作。本書はそれらを手がけたアニメ界のカリスマ脚本家、岡田麿里さんの初の自伝となっている。
書かれているのは成功者のサクセスストーリーとはほど遠い、闘病手記とでも言うべき小学校時代からの困難な自意識との闘い。
なんと豊かで苦しい心か。
私が鼻水垂らしていたような頃に周囲との不調和に直面し、友達を冷静に観察評価し、自覚的に自らの「キャラ設定」にあえぎ、結果挫折し、不登校になる。
すでに作品を知っている私としては「そういうことだったのか」と腑に落ちた。本書は自伝であると同時に両作の裏設定が書かれた濃密な設定資料である。
重苦しいのに引き込まれる。ついページをめくってしまう。これは岡田さんのアニメの印象そのものだ。舐めるとピリッと苦くて、えぐみがある。でも「苦い苦い」と舐めているうち気づけば瓶が空いている。そんな薄い毒の魅力。
面白いのは、本文のあちこちから著者の“天然っぽい"部分がぽろぽろこぼれているところ。不登校の二年半を「たった二年半」とさらりと書いたり、教習所で耳栓を付けた理由も大したことがないかのように流されている(ように見える)。上京する列車で隣になったおじさんが居心地悪そうにしてコーヒーを飲まない理由を、「甘いのが苦手なのかもしれない」と考えたときは「鈍いよ! 」とツッコミを入れてしまった。
上京した彼女はシナリオライターという職業に出会い「アニメのライターになりたい」と道を定める。そして「登校拒否児は果たして、魅力的なキャラクターとして成立するのだろうか?」と、自分自身に基づくテーマに挑み、ヒット作『あの花』が生まれた。
このあたりでは内容も軽快になり、前半の重苦しさとともに彼女の半生のトレンドを追体験した感覚になれる。特に『あの花』スタッフが秩父にある岡田さんの実家を訪問したくだりはコメディでありつつ感動的なシーン。なのにスタッフを招いた理由を「母親に見せつけたかったのだ」。ここでその言い方を選ぶのかと苦笑した。さすがだ。
本書で彼女が美しいと感じた瞬間には、車窓や扉といった「額縁」の存在が記されている。次に飾られるのはどんな風景だろうかと読了し思いを馳せた。
『あの日見た花の名前を僕達はまだ知らない。』『心が叫びたがってるんだ。』
普段アニメを観ない方も、このタイトルに聞き覚えがある方は多いのではないだろうか。
映画の興行収入がともに十億を超え“聖地巡礼アニメ"として大きな話題になった両作。本書はそれらを手がけたアニメ界のカリスマ脚本家、岡田麿里さんの初の自伝となっている。
書かれているのは成功者のサクセスストーリーとはほど遠い、闘病手記とでも言うべき小学校時代からの困難な自意識との闘い。
なんと豊かで苦しい心か。
私が鼻水垂らしていたような頃に周囲との不調和に直面し、友達を冷静に観察評価し、自覚的に自らの「キャラ設定」にあえぎ、結果挫折し、不登校になる。
すでに作品を知っている私としては「そういうことだったのか」と腑に落ちた。本書は自伝であると同時に両作の裏設定が書かれた濃密な設定資料である。
重苦しいのに引き込まれる。ついページをめくってしまう。これは岡田さんのアニメの印象そのものだ。舐めるとピリッと苦くて、えぐみがある。でも「苦い苦い」と舐めているうち気づけば瓶が空いている。そんな薄い毒の魅力。
面白いのは、本文のあちこちから著者の“天然っぽい"部分がぽろぽろこぼれているところ。不登校の二年半を「たった二年半」とさらりと書いたり、教習所で耳栓を付けた理由も大したことがないかのように流されている(ように見える)。上京する列車で隣になったおじさんが居心地悪そうにしてコーヒーを飲まない理由を、「甘いのが苦手なのかもしれない」と考えたときは「鈍いよ! 」とツッコミを入れてしまった。
上京した彼女はシナリオライターという職業に出会い「アニメのライターになりたい」と道を定める。そして「登校拒否児は果たして、魅力的なキャラクターとして成立するのだろうか?」と、自分自身に基づくテーマに挑み、ヒット作『あの花』が生まれた。
このあたりでは内容も軽快になり、前半の重苦しさとともに彼女の半生のトレンドを追体験した感覚になれる。特に『あの花』スタッフが秩父にある岡田さんの実家を訪問したくだりはコメディでありつつ感動的なシーン。なのにスタッフを招いた理由を「母親に見せつけたかったのだ」。ここでその言い方を選ぶのかと苦笑した。さすがだ。
本書で彼女が美しいと感じた瞬間には、車窓や扉といった「額縁」の存在が記されている。次に飾られるのはどんな風景だろうかと読了し思いを馳せた。
200 pages, Kindle Edition
First published April 12, 2017
14 people are currently reading
126 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
April 27, 2019
From Truant to Anime Screenwriter is an intensely personal book from author Okada Mari. It somewhat resembles an autobiography, but I would personally consider it to be more of a message in a bottle. I also believe that the primary recipient of this message is not the reader, but the author herself. In the book Okada lays out and confronts the events and non-events of her formative years. She wrangles with her feelings of depression, anxiety, and guilt, and in so doing she gives them form and substance, allowing her to trap the blood on the page. The readership may simply be along for the ride.
The majority of the book focuses on the outsized importance of the relatively few years she spent as a young truant recluse, and while it is not an eventful story, it is an intensely personal one. While Okada tells us of the incidents and people that made the strongest impression on her, the focus is less on the narrative and more on examining her related thoughts and feelings. It must have taken an immense amount of courage for Okada to release this to the world, because it does not appear she held much back. This raw exploration connected me to the author, and I found the resulting empathy as motivating as any cliffhanger. I did not easily put this book down.
To be sure, the purpose of this book is limited, and may not be what the potential reader is expecting. Specifically, the book has little to do with anime screenwriting. There are a few tales from the productions Okada worked on, but those are included for their importance to the author, not for the edification of the reader. However, I feel that this allows the book to speak to a greater audience. Nearly any one can find value in being told a simple, but very human, story, and I personally feel privileged and enriched to have read it.
For someone like me, the value was in sharing many similar pains. Reading the book was was like stroking old scar tissue. Like the author, I was also a truant for over five years. The times I was at school would most often be spent holed up in a bathroom stall, sleeping, hoping to fade from the world, and fearing for my future. My mother was also a single mother who had no idea what to do with me, and so often abused me verbally, and sometimes physically. I also felt immense guilt towards her, and everyone around me. Okada's pains resembled mine, and so listening to her honest retelling was quite emotional for me. I cried while reading this, and in so doing found a gentle catharsis.
That is where the value of From Truant to Anime Screenwriter lies. In its account of a person who is brave, generous, and secure enough to frankly tell the world, "This is my story. This is me. My doubts and fears will always be a part of me. But by pushing past them, I have found a place where I am successful and accepted exactly for who I am." I leave it to the reader to decide whether they may derive value from such a book.
The majority of the book focuses on the outsized importance of the relatively few years she spent as a young truant recluse, and while it is not an eventful story, it is an intensely personal one. While Okada tells us of the incidents and people that made the strongest impression on her, the focus is less on the narrative and more on examining her related thoughts and feelings. It must have taken an immense amount of courage for Okada to release this to the world, because it does not appear she held much back. This raw exploration connected me to the author, and I found the resulting empathy as motivating as any cliffhanger. I did not easily put this book down.
To be sure, the purpose of this book is limited, and may not be what the potential reader is expecting. Specifically, the book has little to do with anime screenwriting. There are a few tales from the productions Okada worked on, but those are included for their importance to the author, not for the edification of the reader. However, I feel that this allows the book to speak to a greater audience. Nearly any one can find value in being told a simple, but very human, story, and I personally feel privileged and enriched to have read it.
For someone like me, the value was in sharing many similar pains. Reading the book was was like stroking old scar tissue. Like the author, I was also a truant for over five years. The times I was at school would most often be spent holed up in a bathroom stall, sleeping, hoping to fade from the world, and fearing for my future. My mother was also a single mother who had no idea what to do with me, and so often abused me verbally, and sometimes physically. I also felt immense guilt towards her, and everyone around me. Okada's pains resembled mine, and so listening to her honest retelling was quite emotional for me. I cried while reading this, and in so doing found a gentle catharsis.
That is where the value of From Truant to Anime Screenwriter lies. In its account of a person who is brave, generous, and secure enough to frankly tell the world, "This is my story. This is me. My doubts and fears will always be a part of me. But by pushing past them, I have found a place where I am successful and accepted exactly for who I am." I leave it to the reader to decide whether they may derive value from such a book.
September 1, 2019
I gave this high praise as I find it hard to find the words to say why. This book is more a therapeutic session with Mari Okada as she details her life as a Truant and shift into an anime screenwriter.
I found the story touching and so real. It gave me profound inspiration and got me looking deeper into the anime I watch. For those looking for a great biography and a good uplifting, yet real, story from a great voice in anime look no further.
Also if you are curious check out Anohana, the show is a guaranteed cry and an eye opener that will go down as one of the best anime’s out there.
I found the story touching and so real. It gave me profound inspiration and got me looking deeper into the anime I watch. For those looking for a great biography and a good uplifting, yet real, story from a great voice in anime look no further.
Also if you are curious check out Anohana, the show is a guaranteed cry and an eye opener that will go down as one of the best anime’s out there.
July 11, 2019
Okada Mari is a name that any serious anime fans will take notice of. Her works, while not all winners, exude a sense of maturity and intensity that reaches from the screen and inevitably drags one in to the story. Making her mark with true tears before landing hits like AnoHana and Anthem of the Heart, this is her own autobiography originally published in 2017 and translated to English thanks to the awesome people of J-Novel Club.
This book is...unquestionably a mess, and you can feel that it's intentional on Okada's part as candid admission of her "sins". Her life, as the title spoils, did not start out well due to her personality and family background. The first few chapters narrate her life intensely, even more so than her works, and I honestly found them hard to read though due to how much I empathized with her feelings. As someone who has been bullied before, the scars inflicted at the early stages of life stick with you through life and this really shows through in Okada's own recalling of her life.
It is intensely personal, chaotic and self indulgent at the same time. There is the feeling that Okada has never forgiven herself entirely, even if she expresses approaching some closure towards the end of the book. As someone who is a fan of her works, I do appreciate this new-found angle of how her life's experiences has influenced her writing style and approach.
Reading this, the saying "never meet your heroes" came up in my mind and I really wouldn't recommend most people to read this autobiography, given that it does not take away from appreciating her works on their own merit. Okada's words are at her most unfiltered in this autobiography and I'd advise to be mentally prepared before diving in to this book.
Finally, as a fan, I hope that Okada has managed to accept herself, as the ending of the book still hints heavily that she holds many regrets. This is a very hard read and not one to be taken casually.
This book is...unquestionably a mess, and you can feel that it's intentional on Okada's part as candid admission of her "sins". Her life, as the title spoils, did not start out well due to her personality and family background. The first few chapters narrate her life intensely, even more so than her works, and I honestly found them hard to read though due to how much I empathized with her feelings. As someone who has been bullied before, the scars inflicted at the early stages of life stick with you through life and this really shows through in Okada's own recalling of her life.
It is intensely personal, chaotic and self indulgent at the same time. There is the feeling that Okada has never forgiven herself entirely, even if she expresses approaching some closure towards the end of the book. As someone who is a fan of her works, I do appreciate this new-found angle of how her life's experiences has influenced her writing style and approach.
Reading this, the saying "never meet your heroes" came up in my mind and I really wouldn't recommend most people to read this autobiography, given that it does not take away from appreciating her works on their own merit. Okada's words are at her most unfiltered in this autobiography and I'd advise to be mentally prepared before diving in to this book.
Finally, as a fan, I hope that Okada has managed to accept herself, as the ending of the book still hints heavily that she holds many regrets. This is a very hard read and not one to be taken casually.
July 15, 2021
It was eye-opening to read about Mari Okada's path to get to where she is today. The book sometimes felt like a work in progress if I'm looking from this in a character/emotional progression stand point, but that is because, in a way, it is since Mari Okada is still alive and living her life. I applaud her for putting herself on the page so transparently.
I wish there was more between the last chapter and the epilogue. I felt the transition was a bit abrupt with the myriad of feelings in that last chapter. I wanted a bit more resolution, but maybe that is how it is with biographies since real life doesn't fit into a nice, easy narrative. I do understand why it was like that in terms of content (the prologue, last chapter, and epilogue) all deal with Mari Okada's experience with the same movie.
All in all, this was an insightful glimpse into the life of an amazing storyteller that I admire. I wouldn't call this a must read unless you are really curious because it doesn't deal as much with Mari Okada's writing process but about her life and how she views the world.
I wish there was more between the last chapter and the epilogue. I felt the transition was a bit abrupt with the myriad of feelings in that last chapter. I wanted a bit more resolution, but maybe that is how it is with biographies since real life doesn't fit into a nice, easy narrative. I do understand why it was like that in terms of content (the prologue, last chapter, and epilogue) all deal with Mari Okada's experience with the same movie.
All in all, this was an insightful glimpse into the life of an amazing storyteller that I admire. I wouldn't call this a must read unless you are really curious because it doesn't deal as much with Mari Okada's writing process but about her life and how she views the world.
June 7, 2022
I'm not very familiar with Okada's work. I picked this book up on a whim as I'm always looking to learn a little more about the anime industry. I'm surprised how raw and personal it is. I didn't wind up learning much about the anime industry, but I think I'll be adding Okada's anime to my watch list. Particularly Anthem of the Heart.
Okada and I grew up in very different cultures and in different times (something for which I am selfishly grateful), but I relate to her experience more than I care to admit. Okada did not have a pleasant childhood, made all the more gut wrenching by how close to home it hit for me. I'm glad I read it, though.
I'm not sure what the demographics of the English speaking light novel import market are, or what people expect going into something like this. I would caution that this book contains some very real depictions of untreated mental health issues that are not managed in the best way. If that isn't something you're interested in reading then pass on this one.
Okada and I grew up in very different cultures and in different times (something for which I am selfishly grateful), but I relate to her experience more than I care to admit. Okada did not have a pleasant childhood, made all the more gut wrenching by how close to home it hit for me. I'm glad I read it, though.
I'm not sure what the demographics of the English speaking light novel import market are, or what people expect going into something like this. I would caution that this book contains some very real depictions of untreated mental health issues that are not managed in the best way. If that isn't something you're interested in reading then pass on this one.
September 19, 2023
Mari Okada's greatest strength as a screenwriter is capturing raw human emotion, untainted by conventions and expectations. Her writing almost always makes me cry, and even when her subject matter is her own life my response is apparently the same. This book doesn't have the narrative resonance that her stories do, because it isn't made up to fit together perfectly and end up at a satisfying conclusion. But it is just as, if not more, emotionally meaningful as the best of her fiction. I highly recommend giving it a read, especially if you have watched any of the many amazing shows she has written for.
December 22, 2024
The bestest autobiography of all time if i am being honest...*IN MY HUMBLELY HUMANLY OPINION* that is of course. I was never able to feel touched on such personal level with any other book, fiction or nonfiction. The book follows one that's ostracized, maladjusted and unfit for society and its intricate soul-sucking rituals. I will always hold this book dearly close to my heart for that it showed me there is hope despite the never e ending despair for that someone before me has lived a life as pathetic and as lowly and yet theyve made it through however left-behind from socializing and being in the even palest touch with the world outside or fellow humans.
August 9, 2018
The biography of Mari Okada, a famous Anime writer. Much of it is the story of her youth, when she was a shut it, rarely attending school or even leaving the house. The later parts are about her time in the Anime industry, but don't expect a lot of details about the industry. An interesting book but also a bit depressing.
February 19, 2021
Enjoyed reading this so much, Okada has such a way with words even when it's translated into another language. Her childhood largely consisted of skipping school to stay home and read/play games, but so much of her internal struggles makes you feel so empathetic. I think it gives so much insight to enjoy the series she's contributed to even more.
August 1, 2018
Fascinating autobiography and well translated to boot!
I very much enjoyed this and related to the many of the feelings experienced. I know the feeling of overthinking everything one says and being way too self-conscious.
I very much enjoyed this and related to the many of the feelings experienced. I know the feeling of overthinking everything one says and being way too self-conscious.
December 6, 2019
I started reading this thinking I can forward this to certain lady friends who will be able to relate more with it as it is a Woman's autobiography. As I went through the initial page i realised with a shock that this book is holding a mirror against me. This book touched me in so many ways.
May 15, 2020
A great read
It was funnier then I expected and it got into the
bad parts of her life and her struggles
My favorite part was finding out she use to write porn but everyone has to start some where.
It was funnier then I expected and it got into the
bad parts of her life and her struggles
My favorite part was finding out she use to write porn but everyone has to start some where.
July 21, 2024
This autobiography is more than just the life story of one of anime’s most prolific writers, it’s a commentary on the artistic process and how anyone can change given enough time.
October 30, 2021
I started this and seriously couldn't put it down. It's a "light novel" translated by the group J-Novel Club, and this is the first light novel I've completed. Light novels seem to be a brief telling of a story, with details and emotions, but much shorter paragraphs and scenes. I think that I was expecting much more from this book, like an autobiography of Okada and her work. But I really liked the way that she wrote this and the way that the translator translated it all.
This book is so meaningful to me. Okada writes of her social anxiety and how it stems from her childhood and her verbally abusive mother. Her own mother who tried to attack her teenage daughter with a knife. Okada wrote of her traumatic childhood, and that really resonated with me. While my childhood was slightly different, mostly consisting of toxic parents who were constantly at each other's throats, with mental illness, drugs, and alcohol in the mix. Okada refused to go to school. I felt like for me, as a kid, that was a responsibility that I couldn't escape, though I skipped middle school and high school classes more than often. In my last year of high school, I skipped about 60 days of school. I was also a truant, through and through.
As someone who also suffers from social anxiety, I found that this story was enlightening. Anxiety is painful, because you worry about how everyone percieves you and your work, and the words you say, you can never truly explain yourself. Okada made something of herself and found a community that really welcomed her and appreciated her. That is absolutely amazing to me.
This book is so meaningful to me. Okada writes of her social anxiety and how it stems from her childhood and her verbally abusive mother. Her own mother who tried to attack her teenage daughter with a knife. Okada wrote of her traumatic childhood, and that really resonated with me. While my childhood was slightly different, mostly consisting of toxic parents who were constantly at each other's throats, with mental illness, drugs, and alcohol in the mix. Okada refused to go to school. I felt like for me, as a kid, that was a responsibility that I couldn't escape, though I skipped middle school and high school classes more than often. In my last year of high school, I skipped about 60 days of school. I was also a truant, through and through.
As someone who also suffers from social anxiety, I found that this story was enlightening. Anxiety is painful, because you worry about how everyone percieves you and your work, and the words you say, you can never truly explain yourself. Okada made something of herself and found a community that really welcomed her and appreciated her. That is absolutely amazing to me.
July 5, 2025
The true highlight of this autobiography is that it doesn't talk about the hustle and struggle to become a screenwriter. It talks about truancy. It talks about the weird paths life gives you. It talks about screenwriting.
This book is intimate. A first person perspective in to the life of truancy. The falls, the guilt, the sense of helplessness, while bringing hopeful moments in between that life of truancy. It tells the full story in truth. Uncensored.
This is a goodread. Even for non-anime fans.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews