"It's been so long since your vital signs went / And you don't look the same in that oxygen tent" —"Pull the Plug" by Starz, an unintentionally hilarious attempt at a serious song about Karen Ann Quinlan that I sincerely believe may have been the inspiration for Spinal Tap
This is a quest by a rock critic to explain the impact of four bands that released albums in the 1970s: KISS, Cheap Trick, Aerosmith, and Starz. "Who are or were Starz?" you might ask. They were never very successful, but the author believes they had significant influence on younger rock musicians. I don't know about that, but including a never-was band in this book makes it a lot more interesting and poignant. To my untrained ear, Starz sound great, even though some of their lyrics are awful. And their record company put a ton of money into promoting them. They just never caught on.
Including Cheap Trick is also poignant because they have spent most of their careers struggling. And KISS and Aerosmith are interesting because of their success, their rivalry, and their tantrums. All four of these bands included tantrum-having members, but KISS and Aerosmith are richer, so they have more opportunities for bigger shenanigans.
Some interesting (and sometimes tragic) gossip from the book:
* Gene Simmons, famous for being extraordinarily mean and petty, mentions his nickname for the eternally crabby Peter Criss, based on Criss's original name: Ayatollah Criscuola.
* Cheap Trick's Rick Nielsen flatly states that Aerosmith's Steven Tyler is a heroin addict.
* Aerosmith love Cheap Trick and invited CT to open for them. But Aerosmith canceled so many concerts (one allegedly because Tyler screamed at Aerosmith's employees for so long that he damaged a blood vessel in his neck) that CT lost money. The next time CT opened for Aerosmith, they insured Aerosmith. That entire tour got canceled, but CT made money anyway because of the insurance payout.
* Steven Tyler's heel got torn off in a motorcycle accident.
* Joe Perry and Steven Tyler hate each other but own a restaurant together?! Even though restaurants are known to lose money frequently and therefore are usually considered risky investments, and Perry and Tyler are already in a risky investment together, namely a rock band?
* Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley hate each other but put on massive tours together because money?! I guess it worked for Simon and Garfunkel.
* Peter Criss bitches all the time about everything, but if my bandmates paid me $10K a night while they made millions, I might bitch all the time too.
* Tom Peterssen's marrying a model and then having her manage his career right into the ground also has some strong Spinal Tap vibes.
While reading this book, I couldn't help thinking of a Robert Plant interview I read years ago. The interviewer asked how Plant felt about Aerosmith and other rock bands trying to imitate his work in Led Zeppelin. Plant laughed and said something along the lines of, "They should try harder. Aerosmith are a pop band." So I'm guessing that everybody quoted in this book loves Robert Plant, yet he probably disdains them all. That's rock & roll.