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Ghost Bear #1
On The Savage Trail
Late night drinking leads to an old ghost story told among four friends, whose lives are in a rut. It's time for a change.
To spice things up, they decide to go ghost hunting out in the deep nowhere of Colorado. Even the locals don’t want them going on that trail. Not tonight, at least. The friends go out, hunting for the impossible, mostly just to get out of the city and recharge their lives.
But when the night falls, imaginary horror proves to be all too real. And under a full moon, their innocent camping trip turns into a night of terror.
To spice things up, they decide to go ghost hunting out in the deep nowhere of Colorado. Even the locals don’t want them going on that trail. Not tonight, at least. The friends go out, hunting for the impossible, mostly just to get out of the city and recharge their lives.
But when the night falls, imaginary horror proves to be all too real. And under a full moon, their innocent camping trip turns into a night of terror.
107 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 5, 2020
42 people are currently reading
82 people want to read
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Displaying 1 of 1 review
November 11, 2025
Let me preface this by saying I’m not trying to be mean. But I am being honest, and that can hurt just as much.
Here’s the thing. This book reads like it was written by a middle schooler who either hasn’t read much fiction or doesn’t have English as their first language. If that’s the case, great, keep practicing, and stop reading here, because the rest isn’t for you.
However, if this was written by anyone with a high school diploma or higher, I have to ask why anyone would put this online so unfinished as it is.
It has long run-on sentences going for ever, repeated phrasing, flat tone, and sudden jumps between characters. “She” becomes “Matt,” then “Nick,” all within a few lines. Sometimes even the same sentence. There’s no tension or rhythm because everything’s stated so literally. It reads like an unedited first draft typed straight from a daydream.
As one reader to a writer, here’s what would help:
1 Find an editor or beta reader. Someone who can help you shape your sentences into grammatical and contextual coherence.
2 Read a lot. Study how good fiction builds tone, character, and plot at the same time.
3 Work on character voices. Everyone sounds identical right now.
4 Keep your perspective consistent. Switching between third and first person mid-sentence is confusing.
5 Decide what your story is really about. Friendship? Fear? Nature? Found family? Because it’s not about a spooky bear. And if it is, then just start with the bear.
Right now, this reads like a rough first draft that went public too soon. With time, editing, and more reading, it could improve. But as it stands, it’s not ready for readers.
Here’s the thing. This book reads like it was written by a middle schooler who either hasn’t read much fiction or doesn’t have English as their first language. If that’s the case, great, keep practicing, and stop reading here, because the rest isn’t for you.
However, if this was written by anyone with a high school diploma or higher, I have to ask why anyone would put this online so unfinished as it is.
It has long run-on sentences going for ever, repeated phrasing, flat tone, and sudden jumps between characters. “She” becomes “Matt,” then “Nick,” all within a few lines. Sometimes even the same sentence. There’s no tension or rhythm because everything’s stated so literally. It reads like an unedited first draft typed straight from a daydream.
As one reader to a writer, here’s what would help:
1 Find an editor or beta reader. Someone who can help you shape your sentences into grammatical and contextual coherence.
2 Read a lot. Study how good fiction builds tone, character, and plot at the same time.
3 Work on character voices. Everyone sounds identical right now.
4 Keep your perspective consistent. Switching between third and first person mid-sentence is confusing.
5 Decide what your story is really about. Friendship? Fear? Nature? Found family? Because it’s not about a spooky bear. And if it is, then just start with the bear.
Right now, this reads like a rough first draft that went public too soon. With time, editing, and more reading, it could improve. But as it stands, it’s not ready for readers.
Displaying 1 of 1 review