What do you think?
Rate this book
A Song Inside: A heartbreaking and uplifting memoir about love and loss
This is a story about love
'You are a song inside me now, a melody that stirs and bursts into life when I think of you.'
In this heart-breaking, thought-provoking and ultimately uplifting memoir, she remembers her life with the boy and young man who enchanted and infuriated in equal measure. Sam saw colours where others saw grey. He made people feel alive. His unvanquishable spirit sings out as Gill reflects on the joys he brought, the difficulties of his struggles with schizophrenia, and the impact of his death.
Part journal, part journey into the past, and part conversation with Sam, in this beautifully written memoir Gill thoughtfully and tenderly reveals her relationship with her son, both before and after his death. A Song Inside explores universal issues of love and loss to reveal how we can move forward and find happiness again, without leaving behind the people we have lost .
'You are a song inside me now, a melody that stirs and bursts into life when I think of you.'
In this heart-breaking, thought-provoking and ultimately uplifting memoir, she remembers her life with the boy and young man who enchanted and infuriated in equal measure. Sam saw colours where others saw grey. He made people feel alive. His unvanquishable spirit sings out as Gill reflects on the joys he brought, the difficulties of his struggles with schizophrenia, and the impact of his death.
Part journal, part journey into the past, and part conversation with Sam, in this beautifully written memoir Gill thoughtfully and tenderly reveals her relationship with her son, both before and after his death. A Song Inside explores universal issues of love and loss to reveal how we can move forward and find happiness again, without leaving behind the people we have lost .
382 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 22, 2020
1 person is currently reading
13 people want to read
About the author
Gill Mann
2 booksGill Mann has always loved writing but has only recently considered publishing her work. She has had a long and varied career, starting her working life as a solicitor and becoming a partner in a law firm.
In her early forties she re-trained as a professional photographer, becoming an Associate of the Royal Photographic Society, before deciding to return to university when she was in her late forties to study for a Post-graduate Diploma and Masters degree in Psychodynamic Counselling. She now works as a therapist.
It is her interest in and understanding of people that informs her writing. She writes mainly from life but has more recently turned to fiction, starting work on a collection of short stories based on the theme of therapy.
In her early forties she re-trained as a professional photographer, becoming an Associate of the Royal Photographic Society, before deciding to return to university when she was in her late forties to study for a Post-graduate Diploma and Masters degree in Psychodynamic Counselling. She now works as a therapist.
It is her interest in and understanding of people that informs her writing. She writes mainly from life but has more recently turned to fiction, starting work on a collection of short stories based on the theme of therapy.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews
October 31, 2020
Death is not a topic that we can hide from. No one will escape suffering a profound grief at some point but this awful experience transforms some lives much earlier, or more often, than others. If someone you know and care about faces the tragedy of losing a child when you have not done yourself, it can be incredibly difficult to comprehend what they are going through or know how to begin to express your concern. So Gill's book is an essential and deeply thought-provoking read for those of us in that situation - not just for those who have experienced this horror themselves. Yes, it is sobering. Tears will flow. The power of her story lies in the combination of laying bare the raw emotions, the horrible reality, the reactions of herself and those in Sam's family to his loss, with the insights lent by her training and experience as a psychotherapist and her own profound common sense and empathy.
The mental health challenges that Sam faced and how that impacted each of his loved ones are also described with painstaking detail, again humanising and educating those of us with little direct experience ourselves.
Ultimately though it is the poetry of Gill's exquisite writing that truly does release the song inside.
The mental health challenges that Sam faced and how that impacted each of his loved ones are also described with painstaking detail, again humanising and educating those of us with little direct experience ourselves.
Ultimately though it is the poetry of Gill's exquisite writing that truly does release the song inside.
September 19, 2020
I’ve heard of some readers shying away from this book, because just as in life, the thought and theme of death creates a flurry of overwhelming emotions; fear, sadness and in many cases, a feeling of awkwardness. As a society we just don’t know how to deal with death, despite its eventual inevitability. Couple this with mental health – a subject which affects so many, and yet is still far too taboo for my liking – and this can easily perceived to be a difficult read.
And in places, it is. But it is also so much more.
It is an expression of internal thought, the processes the author went through as she worked through the initial grief of losing her son moving through to anger, guilt, acceptance and finally being able to look forward, all whilst embracing the past and of course, never forgetting the impact Sam had on all of their lives.
The most successful element of this book for me, are the beautiful conversations Gill Mann imagines with her son, Sam. Honest and loving in equal measure, they explore events that have gone before, emotions arising then and feelings in the present. I was completely mesmerised by these sections. They gave the most wonderful insight into the mother/son relationship and their family unit as a whole. Special moments are immortalised within these passages and I could feel the cathartic release within her writing.
Whilst the theme of grief is a constant, so to is the theme of motherhood. It burrows to its very core, because this is, when all is stripped away, a love letter from a mother to her son. It speaks of an unconditional love, and the highs and lows all that entails. It’s uncomfortable reading at times, but it’s real and there’s a beauty in that. The pride she takes in her son is evident throughout and in this there is a joy which perfectly balances the otherwise heartbreaking nature of the book.
Mann’s writing style is easy to read and felt to cradle me as the reader close to her; a confidant receiving the most precious of memories. Far from feeling sombre when I closed the back page, I instead felt the most lovely urge to hold my family tight to me. To revel in everything we have and the love we have for each other and live our lives for today. Reading this book, being allowed to glimpse these most personal and private moments, has been a true honour. Thank you, Gill for sharing Sam’s story.
And in places, it is. But it is also so much more.
It is an expression of internal thought, the processes the author went through as she worked through the initial grief of losing her son moving through to anger, guilt, acceptance and finally being able to look forward, all whilst embracing the past and of course, never forgetting the impact Sam had on all of their lives.
The most successful element of this book for me, are the beautiful conversations Gill Mann imagines with her son, Sam. Honest and loving in equal measure, they explore events that have gone before, emotions arising then and feelings in the present. I was completely mesmerised by these sections. They gave the most wonderful insight into the mother/son relationship and their family unit as a whole. Special moments are immortalised within these passages and I could feel the cathartic release within her writing.
Whilst the theme of grief is a constant, so to is the theme of motherhood. It burrows to its very core, because this is, when all is stripped away, a love letter from a mother to her son. It speaks of an unconditional love, and the highs and lows all that entails. It’s uncomfortable reading at times, but it’s real and there’s a beauty in that. The pride she takes in her son is evident throughout and in this there is a joy which perfectly balances the otherwise heartbreaking nature of the book.
Mann’s writing style is easy to read and felt to cradle me as the reader close to her; a confidant receiving the most precious of memories. Far from feeling sombre when I closed the back page, I instead felt the most lovely urge to hold my family tight to me. To revel in everything we have and the love we have for each other and live our lives for today. Reading this book, being allowed to glimpse these most personal and private moments, has been a true honour. Thank you, Gill for sharing Sam’s story.
September 7, 2020
A Song Inside is the heart-breaking memoir of Sam Roberts, by his grieving mother Gill Mann.
As a trained psychotherapist, Gill's ability to identify and articulate her experience of grief with such devastating honesty is so incredibly insightful for her readers. She does not shy away from the uncomfortable emotions felt from grief and loss. As someone who has personally experienced a family bereavement at a young age, the book became a salvage to help me introspectively process my own grief, and a comforting hand to hold to make me feel less alone in that experience.
Gill celebrates Sam's life and takes a deep dive into illness that took over him; the book eloquently discusses mental health and ways in which our current healthcare system is/isn't working to provide support for sufferers. She debunks many of the myths attached to schizophrenia and paints a more realistic, detailed picture of what this illness is like to live with.
Most importantly, Gill is a gifted writer, her diary entries are inter-spliced with intimate letters written directly to Sam, that are beautiful and poetic. Her maternal love oozes out of every word and sentence crafted. It truly does manifest itself as a song; with emotion so raw that it punches you in the gut and leaves you breathless. It's a book that has consumed my thoughts entirely even after putting it down. I recommend everyone give it read. An arresting and heartfelt debut.
As a trained psychotherapist, Gill's ability to identify and articulate her experience of grief with such devastating honesty is so incredibly insightful for her readers. She does not shy away from the uncomfortable emotions felt from grief and loss. As someone who has personally experienced a family bereavement at a young age, the book became a salvage to help me introspectively process my own grief, and a comforting hand to hold to make me feel less alone in that experience.
Gill celebrates Sam's life and takes a deep dive into illness that took over him; the book eloquently discusses mental health and ways in which our current healthcare system is/isn't working to provide support for sufferers. She debunks many of the myths attached to schizophrenia and paints a more realistic, detailed picture of what this illness is like to live with.
Most importantly, Gill is a gifted writer, her diary entries are inter-spliced with intimate letters written directly to Sam, that are beautiful and poetic. Her maternal love oozes out of every word and sentence crafted. It truly does manifest itself as a song; with emotion so raw that it punches you in the gut and leaves you breathless. It's a book that has consumed my thoughts entirely even after putting it down. I recommend everyone give it read. An arresting and heartfelt debut.
September 7, 2020
Sometimes, a book comes along that takes your heart, your emotions, your preconceived ideas, your empathy and tumbles them all in front of your eyes in a mass of understandable appreciation.
A Song Inside by Gill Mann is such a book. This memoir is ultimately about love, and the incredible loss that comes with losing a child, a young man who occupied such a brief but brimful place in his family's world.
As a mother, I am in awe of Gill Mann's ability to write with such raw honesty about her son, his place in her heart, his mental illness, her doubts, his denial, her guilt, his love that permeated the story, her love that made Sam's journey so heart-breaking.
As parents, all we want is for our children to be happy. To see them suffer inside, to watch them battle an unseen enemy, never knowing how huge the war is, is the ultimate test of our love. Sam's story is a heart-rending, frustrating, love and angst-filled expedition through a short life of constant craters, chasms of danger. Yet, sparks of happiness, individuality, quirkiness, determination become the bright spots along this young man's difficult path, and it's these moments that shine in the darkness.
Gill Mann will remain in my heart for a long time, for writing Sam's story. And, to be honest, I will carry a sliver of this beautiful individual Sam with me for the rest of my life, because he deserves it.
A Song Inside by Gill Mann is such a book. This memoir is ultimately about love, and the incredible loss that comes with losing a child, a young man who occupied such a brief but brimful place in his family's world.
As a mother, I am in awe of Gill Mann's ability to write with such raw honesty about her son, his place in her heart, his mental illness, her doubts, his denial, her guilt, his love that permeated the story, her love that made Sam's journey so heart-breaking.
As parents, all we want is for our children to be happy. To see them suffer inside, to watch them battle an unseen enemy, never knowing how huge the war is, is the ultimate test of our love. Sam's story is a heart-rending, frustrating, love and angst-filled expedition through a short life of constant craters, chasms of danger. Yet, sparks of happiness, individuality, quirkiness, determination become the bright spots along this young man's difficult path, and it's these moments that shine in the darkness.
Gill Mann will remain in my heart for a long time, for writing Sam's story. And, to be honest, I will carry a sliver of this beautiful individual Sam with me for the rest of my life, because he deserves it.
June 23, 2020
Not sure where to start reviewing this wonderful, emotional book that's so brim-full everything I needed a couple of days to process the emotions it evoked in me before trying to write a review. Now I've reflected and taken a breath, this is what I think.
This book tells so many stories: the story of a beloved young man, a sometimes difficult, exuberant, highly intelligent young man who was a contradiction of everything infuriating and wonderful - who lived a turbulent, very brief life, latterly with an awful disease that he had no idea he was suffering from. It is also the story of his mother and her life bringing him up before and after his diagnosis, and the thankless task of supporting her son when he thought there was nothing wrong with him. It is the story of the close family unit and how all their lives were affected by their brother's illness then death, and the story of their grief, denial, anger and how they coped. It is the story of their collective grief which morphs over time, not fades but becomes more keenly understood, and it is the story of how grief is a symptom of the main emotion that runs deep and thick through every word of this book - love. That word looks so little on the screen when I write it. I tried writing it in capitals but that made it seem too shouty and this book doesn't shout its love, it evokes it exquisitely, pinpoints it in every description, thought, idea and motivation so it becomes palpable and leaks off the page right into the reader.
This book tells so many stories: the story of a beloved young man, a sometimes difficult, exuberant, highly intelligent young man who was a contradiction of everything infuriating and wonderful - who lived a turbulent, very brief life, latterly with an awful disease that he had no idea he was suffering from. It is also the story of his mother and her life bringing him up before and after his diagnosis, and the thankless task of supporting her son when he thought there was nothing wrong with him. It is the story of the close family unit and how all their lives were affected by their brother's illness then death, and the story of their grief, denial, anger and how they coped. It is the story of their collective grief which morphs over time, not fades but becomes more keenly understood, and it is the story of how grief is a symptom of the main emotion that runs deep and thick through every word of this book - love. That word looks so little on the screen when I write it. I tried writing it in capitals but that made it seem too shouty and this book doesn't shout its love, it evokes it exquisitely, pinpoints it in every description, thought, idea and motivation so it becomes palpable and leaks off the page right into the reader.
July 21, 2020
In her beautiful memoir, 'A Song Inside' (Retreat West, July 2020), Gill Mann writes about the loss of her son, Sam, who died in 2014 while travelling in Thailand, something which fulfilled him, gave him purpose and brought him great joy. He was only 22.
Through journal entrees, flashbacks and letters to Sam, Mann delves into the deeply complicated relationship she had with her middle child, trying desperately to find answers to the question that constantly plagues her: Did I, as a mother, do enough, love him enough?
As Mann takes steps towards a deeper understanding of herself, her son, and the reasons for his death, there is hope. “It surprises me,” she writes, “this capacity within me still to see and feel the beauty in life.” (p. 111)
Despite reading about Sam’s death and all the tragedy that surrounds it, I feel extremely grateful to have read this book and been granted an insight into this family’s life and loss. I would highly recommend it.
Through journal entrees, flashbacks and letters to Sam, Mann delves into the deeply complicated relationship she had with her middle child, trying desperately to find answers to the question that constantly plagues her: Did I, as a mother, do enough, love him enough?
As Mann takes steps towards a deeper understanding of herself, her son, and the reasons for his death, there is hope. “It surprises me,” she writes, “this capacity within me still to see and feel the beauty in life.” (p. 111)
Despite reading about Sam’s death and all the tragedy that surrounds it, I feel extremely grateful to have read this book and been granted an insight into this family’s life and loss. I would highly recommend it.
February 9, 2023
Gill's amazing book has, quite literally, been a lifeline to me. Gill lost her beautiful son Sam to schizophrenia and I lost my beautiful son Christian to depression in 2021 aged 29. In the main I have felt utterly alone since my loss. When I pick up 'A Song Inside' I feel a huge connection to Gill and Sam's story. It is told with raw honesty and demonstrates the enormity of a mother's love for her child, and her suffering alongside his, both through his journey and then his death and beyond. I have dog eared so many pages, well almost every other (!) such is the meaning and connection for me in Gill's words. To feel less alone, to feel more understood and connected has made such a difference to me in my grief. I would also highly recommend Gill's book to family and friends of those who have lost a child. I will be revisiting every page (I've read it twice already) and I know it will continue to comfort me for years to come. Thank you Gill. Your Sam will always be with you. x
July 18, 2020
A Song Inside spills over with love, so that although Gill Mann’s memoir about her son is filled with heartbreak, denial, grief and anger, it is nevertheless imbued with inspiration and hope. The story of Sam’s brief and turbulent life is told partly through diary entries, partly as a journey into the family’s past and partly as a conversation with Sam, a young man tragically unaware of his own devastating and destructive illness. Sam burns brightly throughout, full of contradiction and colour, exasperating and captivating in equal parts.
Gill Mann’s poignant and beautifully written memoir is as much about the impact of Sam’s life as it is about the impact of his death, as much about family as it is about one young man. It overflows with enduring love and will resonate with anyone who has ever grieved.
Gill Mann’s poignant and beautifully written memoir is as much about the impact of Sam’s life as it is about the impact of his death, as much about family as it is about one young man. It overflows with enduring love and will resonate with anyone who has ever grieved.
August 1, 2020
This book is a beautiful love story written by a Mother who at times struggled to make sense of her beloved son’s journey through adolescence into young adulthood with a backdrop of mental health issues, later to be diagnosed as schizophrenia. She writes with breathtaking honesty of the trials of their relationship. Her feelings of desperation and loss are portrayed in their rawness, and her worries of the effects on her two daughters are heart wrenching, yet the overwhelming theme is of a Mother’s unconditional love for her son. This book moved me to tears and gave me insight into an incredibly misunderstood illness. Can not recommend this book highly enough
March 6, 2022
This is a heartbreakingly beautiful memoir by Gill Mann exploring illness, trauma, grief, loss and love. I have cried and laughed in equal measures learning all about her beautiful boy Sam who died when he was travelling in Thailand in May 2014. It explores Sam's diagnosis of schizophrenia and the impact that had on all of their family. It's part diary, part memoir and part letter to Sam and I was deeply moved by it.
"He is everywhere in the room and yet he is nowhere"
"And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance"
"He is everywhere in the room and yet he is nowhere"
"And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance"
July 29, 2020
I read this beautiful book in three days. I cried, smiled, laughed, and cried and cried again. The emotions and events Gill describes are utterly sincere, raw, often heartbreaking; I could feel every one of them. Somehow she manages to articulate the journey of Sam's illness and subsequent death, and the impact it has had on her and her family in such a way that the reader travels it with her, and feels uplifted by the end. Thank you for sharing your story, Gill.
August 7, 2020
When this arrived early afternoon, I immediately sat down and started to read....I didn't move for hours..I simply couldn't put it down. I cried, I smiled and my heart ached. A powerful account of a beautiful young man's journey with mental health, surrounded by the love of his family. Such an important issue that needs far greater awareness, investment and support. A must buy and a must read.
August 2, 2020
Heartbreaking and raw ... enjoyed this book 💖
March 17, 2021
This is a fine and very well written book, full of lessons about relationships, honesty and love.
August 16, 2020
What a brave, beautiful and heartbreaking true story. Not many people can be so open and honest about difficulties within family life, with their son, while at the same time always portraying the deep and unconditional love a parent has for their child regardless of the chaos and trauma caused by schizophrenia. To share the true side of what it's like for a family and a their young son with gradually deteriorating mental health will no doubt be very helpful to others, who might be worrying or experiencing the same thing, or for anybody to become more aware, show more understanding for people behaving what they might consider odd or different. It describes how a person with this illness might be experiencing the world, what it might be like having no insight in to yourself, your thoughts or behaviours, or the effect on others. It also questions when is the right time to intervene. It is beautifully written, it's captivating. And knowing the sad ending, you want to read and re-read, and hold on to the serene and happy moments and fun times with Sam that were also such a large part. And while it's hard to put down, at least I, needed breaks, to close my eyes and say a little prayer for Sam every now and then.
August 18, 2020
It is hard to find words to describe this incredible book. Gill writes beautifully and gives us a searingly honest account of her journey through love, loss and grief. Gill has been generous in sharing this deeply personal story in order that we may gain a greater understanding of what it means to live with mental illness and the loss of a dearly beloved child.
It is a tribute to Sam, such an amazing young man who brought such vibrancy and fun to his family. I was left with a feeling of great sorrow that society cannot find space for and be more accepting of those who are different.
Gill shows us that the greatest, most devastating loss of all can be met with acceptance and understanding.
This book gives Sam’s life meaning and it is the most moving book I have ever read. It will stay with me always.
It is a tribute to Sam, such an amazing young man who brought such vibrancy and fun to his family. I was left with a feeling of great sorrow that society cannot find space for and be more accepting of those who are different.
Gill shows us that the greatest, most devastating loss of all can be met with acceptance and understanding.
This book gives Sam’s life meaning and it is the most moving book I have ever read. It will stay with me always.
Displaying 1 - 16 of 16 reviews