A Search for Belonging

by Michael Fuller

Michael Fuller had an idyllic childhood growing up in care in Surrey, looked after by Margaret who gave him the love and comfort his biological mother never did. He loved to ride his bike and collect coins and stamps and grew up celebrating the freedom of 1960s Britain. But when he was nine, a local paper described him as the 'coloured boy' in his school production. It was the first time Michael felt judged based on the colour of his skin. Thirty-six years later, Michael became Britain's first ever black Chief Constable. That moment taught Michael he would always be searching for a place to belong. Hoping to tackle injustice and create change from within, he joined the police force, but experienced racism and inequality. From colleagues shouting racist insults into his office, to the Brixton Riots where 'Kill the black one first!' was yelled from the crowds. Determined, despite everything, not to turn and walk away, he rose through the ranks and made his way to the very top. A Search For Belonging is a story of resilience, persistence and optimism; of how one man set out, against the odds, to try and belong. Published originally as "Kill The Black One First".

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Race, Crime, Autobiography, Audiobook

320 pages, Paperback

First published February 7, 2019

About the author

Born to Windrush-generation, West Indian parents and subsequently brought up in a children’s home, Fairmile Hatch, a former stately home. Michael’s early education and moral values emanated from the love and humanity of his housemother ‘Auntie Margaret’, who looked after him throughout his childhood. Unbeknown to him at the time, his time as a child in the care system and the self-reliance that it taught him, would prove to be important grounding for life.

Despite this unconventional and rather insecure upbringing Michael knew early on that he wanted to be a police officer. He tells a powerful, thought provoking story of overcoming adversity where in London during the 1980s racism was a constant threat . In joining the police service he faced many difficult situations, from prejudice from members of the public; as well as insults from other black British citizens (who saw him as a traitor); and, bigotry from certain white colleagues within the force. Despite this, he remained positive and resilient working on the frontline in London’s most volatile estates and had a pivotal role in Operation Trident, tackling gun crime and gang warfare. He rose through the ranks of the Met to go onto become Britain’s first ever black Chief Constable in Kent in 2007.

“Kill The Black One First” A memoir of hope and justice is an inspirational story about hope, resilience and persistence and one mans quest to belong.

Reviews

[Eric Anderson · Rating 5 out of 5]

The title of Michael Fuller’s memoir “Kill the Black One First” is a startling statement - as it’s meant to be. This was something which was shouted by the public while he was the sole black police officer in a group of white officers trying to keep the peace during the Brixton riots in 1981 (an infamous confrontation amidst racial tension between police and protesters in South London that led to many injuries and widespread destruction.) The phrase epitomises the dire dilemma Fuller found himself in for much of his life working for the Metropolitan Police where he was often subjected to racism from within the predominantly white police force on one side and suspicious anger from sections of the black community who labelled him “coconut” on the other. Fuller recounts his life from his beginning growing up in a care home in the 1960s to eventually being appointed the first black chief constable in the UK in 2004. This is the story of a diligent, bright and sensitive individual who cares passionately about justice. Being a good conscientious police officer was his primary motivation in life. But, because of the colour of his skin, he faced innumerable obstacles which would have deterred many from pursuing this profession or abandoning it (Fuller highlights how few black police officers made a career at the Met due to feeling so isolated.) His journey is utterly inspiring and it powerfully illuminates the dynamics of racial conflict in England over the past fifty years from someone who was in a very unique position.

Read my full review of Kill the Black One First by Michael Fuller on LonesomeReader

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

4****

But judging someone by their colour is injustice and, instead of dealing with it, some of my fellow officers perpetuated it.

This is an account of Michael Fuller, who also wrote the book, documenting his childhood and his time being a policeman for over 35 years. He explores his childhood at a children's home and how the woman who worked there, Auntie Margaret, was a strong force in developing the man he is today. He also notes how he had solved a few crimes in childhood and how this inspired his dream to become a police officer.

At 16 Michael joined the police cadets and worked his way up to the Chief Constable of Kent and was appointed as Her Majesty's Chief Investigator at the CPS and Serious Fraud Office. His determination to achieve is seen though out the entire book.

A big determining factor of this book was the exploration of race relations in the UK. Michael Fuller is black and as he found out through childhood and working for the police, the racism perpetuated by those in the police force and tensions between police officers and black members of the community, lead to feelings of isolation and feeling minor. An example is the casual dropping of "coons" in conversations among white officers, and targeting black boys and men with stop and search procedures. One of the things Michael did to overcome this was to be a founding chairman of the Black and Asian Police Association, where people of colour from the police force could come together and discuss conflicts they had faced due to their colour.

While Michael was on the police force the Macpherson report was released investigating the murder and police procedure into the Stephen Lawrence murder. This confirmed to Michael and other officers who were POC that there is institutional racism in the police force, they were witnesses to it and experienced racism many times but were told they were being "too sensitive" if they decided to report it. The inquiry not only caused outrage by the British public when it was released but also confirmed to Michael and others what they already knew: institutional racism exists and was a huge problem within the police force.

Overall, this book explored the tumultuous period of race relations in the UK and how it continually is shifting. It gives a glimpse into the racism experienced as a black police officer. Throughout this book it shows Michael's determination and human spirit to carry on and not break in the face of prejudice, race hate and cultural barriers.

[Nick Brett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, this is quite some book. At a headline level it is the autobiography of Mike Fuller, Britain’s first Black Chief Constable. So potentially a story of “black lad does good” but it is so much more than that trite view. Yes Mike Fuller is black and yes he does do very well indeed. This is the story of his journey, those that influenced him and in turn those that he himself influenced in a long and distinguished career.
The book is dedicated to Margaret Hurst, in charge of the children’s home that he grew up in and she does come over as an astonishing young lady, sadly dying in her 30’s but not before changing the lives of those in her care. Wisdom beyond her years set Mike Fuller on a path of wanting to be the best and with an intelligent and inquisitive nature. He joined the Metropolitan Police Cadets and then became a full PC working the streets of London. This started a career that ended up with him in the top job. Along the way he had to deal with the racism of his colleagues and the challenges of the job itself. This is not a boastful book, it pegs the attitudes of a time and a place but also shows that improvement has been made with regard to race and attitude.
As an aside, my Dad and his partner lived next door to the Fullers in South West London for many years, although I never met him during my visits, I assume he was very busy keeping the people of Kent safe.
So this is an interesting (and moving) book on many levels, in my opinion this was written less as an autobiography and more as a tribute and in memory of Margaret Hurst. She would have been beyond proud.

[Jemima Pett · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant and thought-provoking memoir of a black police officer in London during the blackest part of the racial intolerance scandals.

'Kill the Black One First' was a phrase shouted by rioters at Brixton as the police officers formed a barrier to control them.  Michael Fuller selected it as the title for his memoir of life in isolation. Brought up in care, the only black kid; the bright boy in school—'can't be right', say the teachers; a black policeman on the beat—what's he doing? from both sides.

Michael Fuller was lucky enough to be given sound principles from a remarkable housemother in the 60s/70s.  When he first started to realise he was 'different', she helped him understand why, and gave him his guiding principle. Stop, think - is it you or a generic slur? Only then decide whether you have something to say on the subject or to let it ride.  Many of us could usefully use this technique without half the provocation heaped on this boy.  Yet it helped him become one of the most senior police officers in London's notoriously racist  Metropolitan Police.

The young boy is threatened with homelessness at 16 - just one of the penalties of being a child in care in the 1970s.  Having admired the police from the start, with tv shows, and then a burglary at the home, he spots an opportunity. He becomes a police cadet at 16, with live-in accommodation. This will also give him the chance to become a police officer and be sponsored through university.  Self-reliance started before even this, as he tell us about a school project.

People who have lived in the London area from the 80s onwards will find themselves pushed back down memory lane. It will be from an unexpected angle.  On the front line at the Brixton riots.  Dealing with stabbings on Shepherds Bush Green. Separating the lonely from the wealthy down Vine Street and Soho. Experiencing the breakdown in policing in Streatham, and the almost cosy welcome in the outwardly similar area of Lambeth, right next door.

And every now and then you get an insight into Jamaican immigrant culture. The difficulties of second generation Windrush immigrants; the white world turning on their generosity and hurling it back in their face.

Sensitively and powerfully written, and thought-provoking from start to finish.  This is a brilliant book.

[Michael Bacon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really good. The prose is unadorned, even simple, but that's no bad thing because this would be a great book for young people to read. I don't read much autobiography, but I was impressed at how well Fuller takes something as sprawling and disjointed as a life and manages to fashion it into a story that feels cohesive. He does that by focusing on three things: his personal growth, his career, and his experiences with race and racism. The end result is an honest, fair story, and one that explains quite simply some of the thorny problems the UK still has with race, not least the ease with which white people dismiss black voices when they don't want to hear them. As Fuller's story makes clear, not intending to be racist is not the same thing as not doing things which are racist, and not standing quietly by while others do them.

Fuller's description of his psychology in dealing with incidents of racism in the force was incredibly relatable, even as someone who has rarely experienced anything quite like it. The tendency to second guess and make excuses, to want to smooth things over, felt very familiar to me. A big part of the story is about how Fuller found a way to balance the conflicting desire to challenge injustice and to be accepted. That's a good lesson for anyone.

[Gayle (OutsmartYourShelf) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michael Fuller grew up in care, and from an early age knew he wanted to join the police. Though he faced discouragement and outright opposition in some cases, Fuller went on to rise through the ranks and become the first ever black Chief Constable of Kent.

This is a powerful and fascinating read. Giving a personal view of the Brixton riots, the Stephen Lawrence murder case, and Operation Trident, Fuller doesn't hold back in describing both the personal and institutional racism that he had to endure from some of his white colleagues, and the hatred from some sections of the black community for joining the police. As the author says, he felt as if he didn't belong anywhere. Some parts of it were shocking, with the brazen displays of racism shown, and the failure of others to speak out about it. Other parts were truly uplifting. Definitely a recommended read.

Thank you to NetGalley and publishers, Kings Road Publishing, for the opportunity to review an ARC.

[Teresa · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the extraordinary account by Michael Fuller of his epic rise, against all the odds, from a child in care, to become Britain's first black Chief Constable.

The racial abuse he suffered from white police officers and the black community was truly shocking.

I listened to the audio of this book, read by the author, and was riveted by his story and his achievements.

We can all learn something from reading the memoir of this remarkable man, I know I have.

[James Hocking · Rating 5 out of 5]

Would recommend listening to the audiobook read by the author. Incredibly eloquent and inspiring account of a life beginning in care and progressing to be the the first black chief constable in the police.

[Leanne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book and admire Michael Fuller for all that he went through and came out at the other end. A biography about the first black man to rise up the ranks to become Police Commissioner, it reasonated with me for many reasons.

The start of the book goes back to the 50s and when it goes on to reference things that happened in 70s London it brought back memories for me as well. I remember growing up as a kid where a National Front march was a fairly normal sight to see and even though I was small I remember feeling frightened.

When Fuller started in the police force he faced a lot of racism, some of which he had to put up with otherwise he just wouldn't have made it through. He details in his book how a number of other black police officers left the force. I loved how he wrote about how he processed the racism and bullying , making a choice as to how he would respond rather than react.

He also wrote about his childhood growing up in care and how the house mother was a lovely woman. I won't write much more here for not wanted to include any spoilers.

Massive thanks to Netgalley for providing me with a ARC version of the book as I'm not sure whether I would have come across it otherwise. I'd highly recommend reading.

[Sarah Faichney · Rating 4 out of 5]

An honest and enlightening memoir which highlights the changing attitudes within the Metropolitan police and the wider community. The book also challenges assumptions often made about children who are looked after and accommodated within the care system. Michael Fuller has certainly forged a interesting career and I'm glad that he chose to document and share his experiences with the world. A recommended read, particularly for any young person who feels isolated and excluded.

[Laura · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really interesting.

[amy · Rating 4 out of 5]

more audiobooks need an interview with the author at the end!! i really enjoyed listening to it omg

[Sian · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book blew me away. I found myself so invested and wowed by the treatment Michael endured, how he dealt with it so rationally, and how he continued to strive to be the best version of himself. The writing is impeccable as is the timeline and the story it tells, and I urge anyone who has ever underestimated the underlying racism of our society to read this. An important and necessary read for 2019.

[Ife · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Kill The Black One First" is the memoir of Michael Fuller who was Britain's first Black Chief Constable. He chronicles his rise from the lower ranks of the police to the upper ranks and the racism he faced while making this ascent ranging from the apathy of his co-workers when racist abuse had taken place to people flat out acknowledging that certain policies were to arrest Black people in particular.

Nowwwwww, I think as always when it comes to memoirs people write about traumatic life events it is important to start by holding space for that trauma and their life experiences. That being said, as someone who believes in transformative justice, Fuller's politics are very different from mine - and most of my qualms with the book are with its politics.

He is resolutely someone who believes in working within the racist structure. He repeatedly brings up instances that illustrate how he has been pushed out of the Black community for being a cop, but I think fails to reach the crux of why Black communities feel such antipathy to the police. He brings up instances in his life where people have informed him of a transformative politic like a conversation with his mother where she says that the only thing that can be done about crime is education as a long term solution, however these knots are never really tied up. In this day and age where it is generally accepted that racism is bad, the title (something which was shouted by the public while he was the only black police at the Brixton riots) is the only provocative thing about the book as it seems to me to be pretty down the centre in talking about explicitly racist things that were said to him, explicitly racist policies and outcomes of policing and offering a palatable solution. Diversify the police Fuller argues while acknowledging that since he has retired police have become more diverse and the same statistical inequalities from his time prevail. I will say that I agreed with his politics a lot more than I thought I would as he acknowledges police as a branch of institutionalised racism.

Politics aside, the writing style is very unadorned; some might like that. I tend to like more decorative sentences. However, I gave it three stars because I think it is a good starting place for people who may be in denial about racism within policing as an institution and Fuller writes compellingly to that end. I would recommend it to people who are at the beginning of trying to understand racial tensions between the police and racial minorities.

[Elisabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

An incredible story of a black kid being brought up in a care home, who had a very clear idea of what he wants to do when he's grown up. That ambition that carried him towards his dreams, which he did not even know he possessed is truly inspirational. The strong upbringing he received with a great role-model in his life shaped his reaction to the constant racist environment he existed in, at work, on the streets, everywhere. To think before reacting ensured that he did not lose his head when in a confrontational situation, and eventually was able to address these issues with more success than plain arguing and estranging himself from others.
To achieve so much, and still be the only black person to have climbed the ladder of the police as high as he did is slightly sad, as you'd expect there to be more people following his footsteps. I can but hope a change in the scene is coming. He achieved so many amazing things during his career, as set an example of how leaders should behave. That he did not relent and insisted on fighting the crime many thought were beyond their reach or not worth the bother shows the core values which every person working in the force should possess.
Also sad about the amount of racism that was and is embedded in so many of us without realising it. The lack of respect to a higher officer just because of their skin colour was ridiculous by some young recruits. I do hope such attitudes are fully changed by now.

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this from start to finish in one day. I cried at the end. It is immensely readable, understated and full of story.

Michael Fuller was born in 1959, brought up in care although still seeing his father regularly, and joined the police cadet force at the age of 16. He joined the police at a time when there were scarcely any black police officers, got abuse from white officers and young black men, and rose to become the Chief Constable of Kent Police. The book is dedicated to Margaret Hurst, the young Quaker woman who looked after him in his children’s home until she died tragically young when he was fifteen.

If you want to know what it means to be an outsider and to make that a strength….
If you want to know how much of a difference a foster carer can make and how far a child in care can go….
If you want to know what ‘institutional racism’ and ‘canteen culture’ truly mean on the front line and how much fortitude it takes to succeed despite it, and with what personal cost….
If you want to hear one man’s account of trying to make London a safer place, and putting into practice the mantra ‘black lives matter’……
If you are angry and want to succeed and change the way the world works and break down barriers…..

You should read this.

[Emeyeay · Rating 2 out of 5]

A well written biography but a disappointing story if you are still serving and BAME in the Police.

If direct links between conversations/experiences happening in the book in the 80s and conversations/experiences happening now in the workplace to BAME officers can still be made then there is still very much an ugly problem. I think BAME officers may choose to read this book (like I did) for a beacon of hope, potentially advice to deal with it but what it highlighted is that there isn’t much change at all.

I personally still feel upset/let down after a week of reading it as I don’t think Michael addresses the in-house racism when he had the chance to - which makes working as a BAME officer difficult today. With such a powerful title he should have as it shows a problem and no solution.

If you are looking for a great story then read it. If you are looking for a secret source of advice and branch of strength on how to survive in the ongoing turmoil - then this is not the book for you.

[Abbie Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really admire Fuller in becoming the first black Chief Constable and Chief Inspector for CPS, and to hear is story from being stuck in care due to troubled parents, and constantly fighting racism and politics within the Police force. Just shows when you want something, you must stop at nothing to get it.

[Elisheva Eve · Rating 5 out of 5]

An amazing, important and inspiring book. I really recommend this :)

[Kim Hobbs · Rating 4 out of 5]

A story of race, persistence and resilience. Michael Fuller is a true pioneer and a very brave man. A truly inspirational story.

[MReads · Rating 4 out of 5]

For anyone to rise to the rank of Chief Constable must take talent and dedication. To do so against the backdrop of racism and hatred from all parts of society that this author endured during his career is truly astonishing. This is an uncomfortable read, shining a light on attitudes that were truly hurtful, but his spirit and determination shine through. Some lovely vignettes too, as he comes across people later in his career that he encountered at the start. Recommended.

[Kristian · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am happy I stumbled upon this book. Michael comes across as such a nice person, I felt great warmth towards Michael thought-out the book. In this book he recounts an amazing life that was very interesting, this was an example of a book I didn't want to put down, I found myself once again reading at every available interval.

I also share similar personality traits to Michael, for example; the thinking before reacting when confronted with events that can cause offence. This book demonstrates the super power this skill of reflection is, in order to achieve success.

Michael's Jamaican parents arrived into the UK the same time as my Grandparents. As a child I also wanted to be a policeman, and also like Michael experienced disapproval from first generation Jamaican migrants, but Michael life demonstrates great resilience and dedication.

[Natalie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can't believe that I have never heard of Michael Fuller before. This is a very well written memoir that does not shy away from difficult subjects. I listened to the audio book and at times it was hard to listen to some of his experiences during his childhood and his career in the police force. Inspiring and thought provoking

[rs.T.Charlton · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful

A fascinating insight into racial prejudice and the resilience of a young black boy who had the most difficult start in life. As a foster carer myself I am motivated to keep trying when the going is particularly tough.

[Peter Tind · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very strong and raw. The epilogue was a great way to wrap it up.

[Mark · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chose to read this book after it was mentioned in 'The Louder I Will Sing'.

Really interesting book

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

It is a pity there's an alternate TLDR title for this. I would say "What is wrong with Kill the Black One First?" but the book probably explains that.

This is a tightly written (as befits an author with police training), fairly straightforward in many ways memoir of a boy taken into care at 2 and Chief Constable at 45. And he's black, the first and to date I think still only ever Black Chief Constable (he retired from the police in 2010).

Crucially it depicts the strategy he used to cope with everything life threw out him, the positive and the negative. He says at one point that he prides himself on being unemotional, so do not expect a tale of 'positive thinking' or other hackneyed messages here, it's something subtly different, something given to him largely by the woman to whom he dedicates the book... and it is clear that he really has written the book to her.

The epilogue is sobering... in a different way from the prologue (from which the book's title is taken) Although he was in institutional care from an early age, his biological parents have kept contact with him, in their individual ways. It's a fascinating picture - he grew up in what he describes as the countryside and initially without much exposure to racism, nor even being the only black child in his primary school (because there were other black children in the Home at the school) The number of adults who did a whole variety of extra-curricular activities with him is frankly astounding. He is athletic (in a way that he can use for all sorts of purposes) he has no special educational needs and he's bright. No one seems threatened by the latter. He describes realising the low expectations only when the school seem surprised at his O level results and only then start talking to him about staying on at Sixth Form (which, intent on becoming a police cadet, he has never considered either)... although perhaps he could usefully reflect that he might not even have been entered for O levels at some schools. The National Front was thriving at the time and he makes a particularly unpleasant discovery about their leafleting so it is not that he has led a sheltered life until the Metropolitan Police - but perhaps sheltered just enough that the barriers were not insurmountable. At one point he says he has no compassion for criminals - I suspect he's overstating his case and in the same paragraph I feel he overstates his poor start in life: if he thinks as he says it couldn't have been worse, it very much could. (And in practice he knows this - when he talks to others brought up in institutions)

Simply as an account of a life in policing and what a career progression involves, the book is interesting (to me, perhaps not to everyone, since not all details are exciting) But Michael Fuller passionately wanted to be a police officer when this was disapproved of by his father's social circle (and much of the wider black community), and putting himself into an institutionally racist organisation (as per the MacPherson report) The experiences are appalling but surprise me not at all. He negotiates the situation in a particular way, acknowledging that others deal with it differently. By his own account he is simply good at policing and opportunities (often dangerous ones) fall into his lap, as well as his relentless appetite for studying (he makes relatively little mention of the problem of anti-intellectualism). I was particularly interested in one brief situation when he joins Special Branch and a comment which includes clear racism ("Your lot") is made. Not only does he apply the 'Margaret' approach, but he looks beyond the racist othering and finds a legitimate and more general piece of useful caution.

There's another experience which eventually leads to his involvement in the setting up of the Black and Asian Police Association, where his thought processes are described with humility. He is isolated in so many ways - by his upbringing in care, by being Black in a racist society, by being a Black police officer... and then by becoming an increasingly senior police officer. Without being la-la-la silver lining, he argues that his other outsider statuses prepared him to cope with the 'lonely at the top' condition.

[Shannen · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Racism is a painful, humiliating thing to experience but the key to that pain is isolation. When others protest, offer support, turn that isolation back on the racists, the pain is greatly eased.

I read Kill the Black One First - titled A Search For Belonging on Prime reading - as a buddy read with my friend, Jordan.

Michael Fuller's achievements as the Britain's first and only black Chief Constable cannot be understated. He faces adversity from all angles as someone who is both black and raised in care. His being black and in the police are two facts that are mutually exclusive. As a result, he's ostracised by all of the groups that he attempts to be a part of; he's considered a traitor by the black community or a "coconut" (black on the outside and white on the inside) and discriminated against by the white officers he's surrounded by on a daily basis. Fuller's ambition, intelligence, dedication and determination were inspirational to read about. Despite facing hardships, he never strayed from the path he wanted for himself. Whenenver somebody made him feel inadequate or unworthy, he proved them wrong and that was really what he thrived on.

I've read multiple memoirs from black authors over the years and Fuller's approach to the marginialisation, discrimination and prejudice he faces is very different than what I've read from other black authors. He's not militant or radical in his thinking, he believes in the system and conforming to an extent to be accepted and validated within society. He doesn't fight against racism in the same way other black activists do, he chooses to progress through the ranks by getting a quality education, working hard and earning his place in the Met. In doing this, he felt that his achievements and reputation would be enough to precede and overcome the inequalities he faced because of his skin colour.

"For the future, my dearest policing wish is not just the thorough integration of black officers, but for them to be respected and welcomed by black and white communities alike."

His ideology isn't one of separationism but of integration; of absolute equality between all regardless of colour. Fuller's strong sense of justice and doing the right thing is key to this. He thinks and speaks like a true officer of the law and wants to fight discrimination and injustice from the inside with reform, positivity and collaboration. His thinking is very utopian in the way that he seems to really believe that change is possible given enough time and effort.

Whilst Fuller's career was inspiring and his insights into racism in the police were illuminating, the structure and writing wasn't the best. Writing a memoir is a challenge because it needs to be an authentic reflection of the author's life but also have an element of embellishment to make it compelling to read. Unfortunately, this just read like story after story of random snapshots from Fuller's life with little cohesion or flow. He jumped from one memory to another paragraph by paragraph and it felt disjointed and abrupt. Sometimes he wrote of moments in his life that were just there but didn't particularly serve a greater purpose within the wider story he was trying to tell. He also shared many tales of racist and troubling encounters he had throughout his career in the police but never really did anything with those stories. How did they make him feel? What did he think? Why was he so tolerant? I wanted to see this expanded on more. I loved reading about the community projects like Trident that he launched working with black communities to tackle black-on-black crime, but I wanted to see more of this. I wanted to read more about the specific steps Fuller took to tackle the racism that plagued the Met.

Overall, Fuller's story itself is inspirational but this book is severely lacking. If more consideration had been given to thinking about the story and message that Fuller wanted to convey, it could've easily been a 4 or 5 star read for me. Unfortunately, there were too many boring moments, irrelevant memories and flailing for me to ever truly sink my teeth into the story that was being told. Nonetheless, I learned a lot about the justice system, racism in the police and found Fuller's methods of tackling this illuminating and interesting. I would recommend anybody that's interested in these topics to pick this book up. American police officers are not the only ones who have a troubled past and present when it comes to racial profiling and racism.

[Jennifer McKillop · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received this book as an ARC via NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. All thoughts and opinions expressed here are my own.

Let's get one thing straight: this is a fascinating book and you should read it! My motivations behind requesting the book were rooted in trying to learn about the experiences of others that might be different from my own and wanting to read more books written by black authors. Incidentally, there was an extra layer of intrigue as one of my previous partners is also a black male who was in the police force but has now left the force based on his experience, although it is difficult to know whether that experience related to him being black and I cannot speak for him on that.

The book starts with a vivid scene from the Brixton riots and made for uncomfortable but necessary reading: it gave me an idea of what I was in for. It then moves on to Fuller's young life and I was thoroughly engrossed, reading half of it in one sitting! It moves through his experience from a constable right up to the echelons of the Metropolitan. Throughout these pages, I was rooting for Michael and willing him not to give up (I knew he didn't of course), as well as wanting to jump in and speak out with/for him during those scenarios of abuse in place of those silent bystanders!

There were a few of points that I bookmarked, either because I felt they were worthy of mention or I enjoyed them. The first one, I was a little saddened by: Fuller declaring he felt no compassion for criminals. It is something the partner I mentioned used to say but I think I expected police officers to have some level of compassion in order to deal with them in the way they do -- particularly those that may have had an equally disadvantaged start, e.g. abused children, or those that have fallen on severe hard times, e.g. drug addicts that are truly at the mercy of drug dealers -- but perhaps compassion is the wrong emotion I was expecting. I was just surprised to read this from Fuller. Secondly, when talking about Yardies, Fuller poses the question "What about the people who used the drugs?" and this something that the mainly white middle class (and above) members of a society don't seem to realise or want to admit to themselves: they are contributing to those problems. I was doing lots of nodding along at this point! Lastly, Fuller talks about a 2007 BPA solidarity march through St Pauls in Bristol, the city I live in, and it made me feel pride. Had I moved to Bristol by that time, I would've wanted to stand there and show my support and solidarity.

Another important point that Fuller returns to is him getting through the racial abuse and not being deterred by it relied upon having to almost ignore or deny its existence, never bringing his own colour into anything and thus, wanting to avoid being a mouthpiece for those experiences, e.g. at the Bristol seminars. This is crucial for others to try and understand as something they simply won't ever have to face because they're male, white, able-bodied etc., or some combination of the above. Fuller's experience was fascinating and I ended the book mostly just wanting to pick his brain about more, e.g., about the current black-on-black knife crime predominantly in London and what his ideas to tackle it might be. Thank you for sharing your experience!

[Jilly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read the paperback version of this book which was retitled to "A search for belonging". The original title was Kill the black one first. I'm not entirely sure what I expected or wanted from this book. Someone recently described me as being, white, middle class and privileged. As a description it is probably a reasonable assessment, it fits. Used as an insult it could be construed as racism.

This book is about racism and it is quite an eye opener. In particular it is about black racism. I still belive that racism is about more than that. I think we all still have much to learn. What I do know is that to start throwing insults around like the recent one aimed at me is equally as racist and will do nothing to solve our problems and bring us together. Education is the answer.

This book is definetly worth reading as Michael is truly inspirational. The way he has conducted his life is a lesson to us all.

A story about race, identity, belonging and displacement, Kill the Black One First is the memoir from Michael Fuller - Britain's first ever black Chief Constable, whose life and career is not only a stark representation of race relations in the UK, but also a unique morality tale of how humanity deals with life's injustices.

Michael Fuller was born to Windrush-generation Jamaican immigrants in 1959, and experienced a meteoric career in policing, from the beat to the Brixton inferno, through cutting edge detective work to the frontline of drug-related crime and violence on London's most volatile estates. He took a pivotal role in the formation of Operation Trident, which tackled gun crime and gang warfare in the London community, and was later appointed as chief constable of Kent.

Kill the Black One First is a raw and unflinching account of a life in policing during a tumultuous period of race relations throughout the UK.