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7 Lessons for Living from the Dying
There is no life without death.
Dr Karen Wyatt has spent much of her 25-year career as a hospice medical director caring for dying patients in their homes. Collected here are uplifting stories and lessons of transformation and healing gathered from the hospice patients in her care. She offers the seven key lessons the dying taught her, from suffering (“embrace your difficulties”) and love (“let your heart be broken”) to forgiveness (“hold no resentments”) and impermanence (“face your fear”).
The sometimes challenging, always inspiring real-life stories are combined with guidance on absorbing the 7 lessons into our lives through meditation and other spiritual practices. Teaching us what really matters in life, the dying show us how to live our best lives now with meaning, purpose and love.
Dr Karen Wyatt has spent much of her 25-year career as a hospice medical director caring for dying patients in their homes. Collected here are uplifting stories and lessons of transformation and healing gathered from the hospice patients in her care. She offers the seven key lessons the dying taught her, from suffering (“embrace your difficulties”) and love (“let your heart be broken”) to forgiveness (“hold no resentments”) and impermanence (“face your fear”).
The sometimes challenging, always inspiring real-life stories are combined with guidance on absorbing the 7 lessons into our lives through meditation and other spiritual practices. Teaching us what really matters in life, the dying show us how to live our best lives now with meaning, purpose and love.
- GenresNonfictionSpirituality
273 pages, Kindle Edition
Published May 12, 2020
117 people are currently reading
209 people want to read
About the author
Karen M. Wyatt
6 books19 followersThis author is also published as Karen Wyatt.
KAREN WYATT MD SPENT YEARS AS A DOCTOR caring for patients in challenging settings, such as hospices, nursing homes and indigent clinics before she left medicine to pursue a new career as an author, speaker, and podcaster. She draws on her years of medical experience in the stories she includes in her narrative non-fiction books, which focus on the everyday spiritual lessons we all need to learn in order to live our best lives. She is the host of the popular End-of-Life University Podcast and has inspired thousands of people to find love and joy in the midst of difficult times. Check out her website at http://www.eoluniversity.com and her online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously.
KAREN WYATT MD SPENT YEARS AS A DOCTOR caring for patients in challenging settings, such as hospices, nursing homes and indigent clinics before she left medicine to pursue a new career as an author, speaker, and podcaster. She draws on her years of medical experience in the stories she includes in her narrative non-fiction books, which focus on the everyday spiritual lessons we all need to learn in order to live our best lives. She is the host of the popular End-of-Life University Podcast and has inspired thousands of people to find love and joy in the midst of difficult times. Check out her website at http://www.eoluniversity.com and her online reading group A Year of Reading Dangerously.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 16 reviews
December 10, 2022
The premise of the book is that we can only create change in the world by transforming ourselves — by becoming the best people we can possibly be and living from higher consciousness.
Find the gift in every moment. Use the acronym AWE: Awake, Willing, and Engaged
Death is unavoidable.
Traumatic events can bring us to all. It is why being in the presence of dying and death is so transformative the author writes.
And when we lose our sense of all we find substitutes such as drugs, unhealthy habits, excessive materialism, or dogmatic beliefs.
She compares the process of spiritual growth to a garden: planting seeds, harvesting the crops.
The essence of spirituality: taking responsibility to utilize the factors that can be altered. Such as your effort and intentions to create the best possible life from the materials presented to you at your birth.
“Don’t run away from grief, oh soul,
look for the remedy inside the pain,
because the rose came from the sword
and the Ruby came from a stone.”
Rumi
As a hospice physician the author writes:
Life looks entirely different to those near the end because the dying process provides a rare backward glimpse of the true meaning of our puzzling existence here on planet Earth.
This book 7 lessons for living from the dying: how to nurture what really matters is an excellent book. Its focus is from the perspective of the dying.
On how to learn to live with the intention and utilize our highest wisdom to navigate difficulties.
Buddha taught: “the trouble is, you think you have time.”
The way to progress in the world outside of us the author states is to first evolve our own inner world and become our best selves.
The focus is on spirituality rather than religion.
The author states that whether we believe in God or not, or follow a religion or not. We all long to find love and meaning in our lives. And she says m writes that this search for what really matters is the essence of our spirituality.
“Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything,
your pain can become your greatest ally
in your life search for love and wisdom.”
Rumi
Why wait until you’re dying to think about or learn these lessons? When you can change your perspective on life now and be better prepared for your end.
Throughout the book she weaves stories, spiritual discourse, and practical tools for a motional and spiritual development. The seven lessons are divided into individual chapters that include: suffering, love, forgiveness, presence, purpose, surrender and impermanence.
She includes spiritual wisdom from a variety of traditions, including the Last Words of Jesus. She shares stories of hospice patients illustrating the lesson. Challenges and benefits of navigating each lesson on the path of transformation. Also questions for deeper reflection. The final chapter of the book has practical methods for incorporating the seven lessons into your daily life and offers guidance for beginning or continuing the process of spiritual development.
The appendix also has a spiritual self-assessment activity with guided meditations and other daily practices to assist on your personal spiritual journey.
You cannot change her outer world until you change her in her life.
This book provides for such needed change.
Journaling
deep breathing
The authors motivation for writing this book she said was twofold. After working in hospice for most of her medical career, sitting at the bedside of hundreds of patients. She developed within herself a calm and assured acceptance of death in the process of dying. She believed in the importance of sharing this experience to encourage meaningful conversations about the reality of dying to allay some of the terror that accompanies this subject.
She helps that those who read this book will experience new found peace and comfort when they contemplate and make decisions for the end of their own lives.
Find the gift in every moment. Use the acronym AWE: Awake, Willing, and Engaged
Death is unavoidable.
Traumatic events can bring us to all. It is why being in the presence of dying and death is so transformative the author writes.
And when we lose our sense of all we find substitutes such as drugs, unhealthy habits, excessive materialism, or dogmatic beliefs.
She compares the process of spiritual growth to a garden: planting seeds, harvesting the crops.
The essence of spirituality: taking responsibility to utilize the factors that can be altered. Such as your effort and intentions to create the best possible life from the materials presented to you at your birth.
“Don’t run away from grief, oh soul,
look for the remedy inside the pain,
because the rose came from the sword
and the Ruby came from a stone.”
Rumi
As a hospice physician the author writes:
Life looks entirely different to those near the end because the dying process provides a rare backward glimpse of the true meaning of our puzzling existence here on planet Earth.
This book 7 lessons for living from the dying: how to nurture what really matters is an excellent book. Its focus is from the perspective of the dying.
On how to learn to live with the intention and utilize our highest wisdom to navigate difficulties.
Buddha taught: “the trouble is, you think you have time.”
The way to progress in the world outside of us the author states is to first evolve our own inner world and become our best selves.
The focus is on spirituality rather than religion.
The author states that whether we believe in God or not, or follow a religion or not. We all long to find love and meaning in our lives. And she says m writes that this search for what really matters is the essence of our spirituality.
“Grief can be the garden of compassion.
If you keep your heart open through everything,
your pain can become your greatest ally
in your life search for love and wisdom.”
Rumi
Why wait until you’re dying to think about or learn these lessons? When you can change your perspective on life now and be better prepared for your end.
Throughout the book she weaves stories, spiritual discourse, and practical tools for a motional and spiritual development. The seven lessons are divided into individual chapters that include: suffering, love, forgiveness, presence, purpose, surrender and impermanence.
She includes spiritual wisdom from a variety of traditions, including the Last Words of Jesus. She shares stories of hospice patients illustrating the lesson. Challenges and benefits of navigating each lesson on the path of transformation. Also questions for deeper reflection. The final chapter of the book has practical methods for incorporating the seven lessons into your daily life and offers guidance for beginning or continuing the process of spiritual development.
The appendix also has a spiritual self-assessment activity with guided meditations and other daily practices to assist on your personal spiritual journey.
You cannot change her outer world until you change her in her life.
This book provides for such needed change.
Journaling
deep breathing
The authors motivation for writing this book she said was twofold. After working in hospice for most of her medical career, sitting at the bedside of hundreds of patients. She developed within herself a calm and assured acceptance of death in the process of dying. She believed in the importance of sharing this experience to encourage meaningful conversations about the reality of dying to allay some of the terror that accompanies this subject.
She helps that those who read this book will experience new found peace and comfort when they contemplate and make decisions for the end of their own lives.
April 24, 2020
I am very much a believer in the two halves of life. The first half is spent building up one’s identity and often involves personal achievement in some form, perhaps a successful career, sporting achievement or simply amassing all the things that society seems to value and which build up a sense of self-esteem. The second half is about letting all of that go. It is the realisation that none of it actually matters and that true living comes from freedom from the ego rather than feeding it. This is a second half of life book.
That is not to say that you need to be middle aged to read it and to draw value from it. The two halves of life are not necessarily equal halves. It is possible to move from one to the other at a young age or to never manage it despite living a long life, but it is a journey that I believe we are all supposed to take and Dr Wyatt’s book is a hugely valuable resource in setting out.
The seven lessons of the title are suffering, love, forgiveness, presence, purpose, surrender and impermanence. They represent a spiritual journey, although not tied in specifically to any one faith but rather the shared journey across a range of faiths and beliefs that lead us to a life lived at a higher plane of awareness and fulfilment.
All of the chapters are built around deeply moving stories from Dr Wyatt's work as a hospice doctor that help to show the lesson in practise in people’s lives. They then discuss how we orientate ourselves around the key principles of the lesson and grow into them, setting out the fruits of the journey that we undertake. The lessons are distinct but also linked and at the end of the book they are all brought together into an appendix of practical exercises and steps that can be taken to develop the journey of spiritual growth so that the reader can take the theory and put it into practise in their own life.
If you have that sense that you are maybe crossing over from the first half of your life into the second then this is an excellent resource for helping you to do so. Maybe you have achieved all that you set out to and yet it doesn’t seem to have fulfilled you the way you had expected. Perhaps you have suffered a loss or some pain in your life that you feel you need to work through before you can move forward again.
7 Lessons for Living from the Dying, like the spiritual life itself, is hard to explain to someone who does not feel its pull but I would recommend it to everyone. If you are ready it will be a real gift to you and if you are not just put it to one side and return when the time feels right. For a lot of people I am sure that time will come.
That is not to say that you need to be middle aged to read it and to draw value from it. The two halves of life are not necessarily equal halves. It is possible to move from one to the other at a young age or to never manage it despite living a long life, but it is a journey that I believe we are all supposed to take and Dr Wyatt’s book is a hugely valuable resource in setting out.
The seven lessons of the title are suffering, love, forgiveness, presence, purpose, surrender and impermanence. They represent a spiritual journey, although not tied in specifically to any one faith but rather the shared journey across a range of faiths and beliefs that lead us to a life lived at a higher plane of awareness and fulfilment.
All of the chapters are built around deeply moving stories from Dr Wyatt's work as a hospice doctor that help to show the lesson in practise in people’s lives. They then discuss how we orientate ourselves around the key principles of the lesson and grow into them, setting out the fruits of the journey that we undertake. The lessons are distinct but also linked and at the end of the book they are all brought together into an appendix of practical exercises and steps that can be taken to develop the journey of spiritual growth so that the reader can take the theory and put it into practise in their own life.
If you have that sense that you are maybe crossing over from the first half of your life into the second then this is an excellent resource for helping you to do so. Maybe you have achieved all that you set out to and yet it doesn’t seem to have fulfilled you the way you had expected. Perhaps you have suffered a loss or some pain in your life that you feel you need to work through before you can move forward again.
7 Lessons for Living from the Dying, like the spiritual life itself, is hard to explain to someone who does not feel its pull but I would recommend it to everyone. If you are ready it will be a real gift to you and if you are not just put it to one side and return when the time feels right. For a lot of people I am sure that time will come.
March 20, 2020
This read more like a spiritual self-help starter about living (even in the face of death) than it did a memoir, so my reaction to it ended up being a bit of a mixed bag.
I admit I was gripped by the idea of being able come to terms with my own mortality and assess what that means. How I, personally, could approach death with grace and acceptance by admitting that - yes - my demise is imminent. It will happen. I may not know how or when, but my life will end someday. That's a fact.
This book was nice in the sense that it allowed me to sift through some of the answers I already have about living, about dying, then ruminate over the many questions that still nag in the back of my mind. I also liked munching on some broader questions: like why suffering has the ability to strip away self-importance and carry with it the potential for transformation, or how resentment can tie knots that keep us attached to the past, or what it signifies to embrace our own impermanence and be fully present. The anecdotal tidbits Wyatt related about her experiences with dying patients from all walks of life, many of whom whom were in varying states of anger and acceptance, fear and forgiveness, were the most affecting portions of the book. They packed the biggest punch, in my opinion. And I mean that in both an emotional and an existential sense.
I was a little put off by the preachiness embedded in some of the lessons themselves, however. It felt like I was being told about the meaning/purpose of life at times instead of being able to derive my own conclusions. Make my own spiritual leaps, that sort of thing. There were a few insinuations that made me cringe, too. Like the woman whose end stage ovarian cancer was "cured" because she practiced complete and total forgiveness or the man whose debilitating symptoms disappeared for a while all because he was "happy to be present." I'm not diminishing the power of positivity or the connection between mind/body here, but come on! A little hokey for my taste.
Some of the spiritual implications, to put it kindly, were mawkish at best, unbelievably misleading at worst. I still think there's relevant wisdom to be gleaned about life and death here, though. It sets those existential wheels a'turnin and asks you to confront some of life's Big Questions in a thoughtful meaningful way. As I said earlier, the anecdotes are enlightening and affecting so it's worth a perusal for that alone.
Thanks to Watkins Publishing and NetGalley for the ARC!
I admit I was gripped by the idea of being able come to terms with my own mortality and assess what that means. How I, personally, could approach death with grace and acceptance by admitting that - yes - my demise is imminent. It will happen. I may not know how or when, but my life will end someday. That's a fact.
This book was nice in the sense that it allowed me to sift through some of the answers I already have about living, about dying, then ruminate over the many questions that still nag in the back of my mind. I also liked munching on some broader questions: like why suffering has the ability to strip away self-importance and carry with it the potential for transformation, or how resentment can tie knots that keep us attached to the past, or what it signifies to embrace our own impermanence and be fully present. The anecdotal tidbits Wyatt related about her experiences with dying patients from all walks of life, many of whom whom were in varying states of anger and acceptance, fear and forgiveness, were the most affecting portions of the book. They packed the biggest punch, in my opinion. And I mean that in both an emotional and an existential sense.
I was a little put off by the preachiness embedded in some of the lessons themselves, however. It felt like I was being told about the meaning/purpose of life at times instead of being able to derive my own conclusions. Make my own spiritual leaps, that sort of thing. There were a few insinuations that made me cringe, too. Like the woman whose end stage ovarian cancer was "cured" because she practiced complete and total forgiveness or the man whose debilitating symptoms disappeared for a while all because he was "happy to be present." I'm not diminishing the power of positivity or the connection between mind/body here, but come on! A little hokey for my taste.
Some of the spiritual implications, to put it kindly, were mawkish at best, unbelievably misleading at worst. I still think there's relevant wisdom to be gleaned about life and death here, though. It sets those existential wheels a'turnin and asks you to confront some of life's Big Questions in a thoughtful meaningful way. As I said earlier, the anecdotes are enlightening and affecting so it's worth a perusal for that alone.
Thanks to Watkins Publishing and NetGalley for the ARC!
January 30, 2023
I liked how legit this book was--the stories about the hospice patients working their way through life issues at the end of their lives was very powerful. The lessons themselves seem obvious, but man they are definitely difficult to work through. The author does include a roadmap of sorts, to guide you on your way should you choose this path.
However, I would say that this book does veer pretty hard into woo-hoo territory at times. Especially if you're new to meditation concepts and haven't read much on Buddhism, a lot of stuff will probably make you roll your eyes.
Recommended for people who are already serious about getting themselves on the path to peaceful living, and those who are already a bit familiar with Buddhist concepts.
However, I would say that this book does veer pretty hard into woo-hoo territory at times. Especially if you're new to meditation concepts and haven't read much on Buddhism, a lot of stuff will probably make you roll your eyes.
Recommended for people who are already serious about getting themselves on the path to peaceful living, and those who are already a bit familiar with Buddhist concepts.
May 2, 2020
This is a lovely, motivational book. The stories included are moving and inspirational.
They teach us lessons about forgiveness, suffering, love, purpose and more.
I took my time to slowly go through each chapter so I can fully feel and understand the lessons. And I will make sure to write down some quotes that are worth remembering in my journal. Also I loved the affirmations and journaling prompts at the end of each chapter.
Reading this book was a very emotional experience for me and brought deeper understanding of life.
(ARC provided by the publisher on Netgalley in exchange for an honest review)
They teach us lessons about forgiveness, suffering, love, purpose and more.
I took my time to slowly go through each chapter so I can fully feel and understand the lessons. And I will make sure to write down some quotes that are worth remembering in my journal. Also I loved the affirmations and journaling prompts at the end of each chapter.
Reading this book was a very emotional experience for me and brought deeper understanding of life.
(ARC provided by the publisher on Netgalley in exchange for an honest review)
August 26, 2024
Having worked in hospice care for over 8 years, I immediately became interested in this book.
The author is very informative without being "schoolteacherish". She presents different situations and summarizes them nicely. A short true story is also presented with each scenario.
Yes, this book is about death and dying, and since each person approaches that stage differently, read this book and take away from it what you need/want. There is something in this book for everyone whether caring for a dying loved one or being diagnosed with an incurable disease.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is a caretaker, a nurse, a home health aide, or a patient.
The author is very informative without being "schoolteacherish". She presents different situations and summarizes them nicely. A short true story is also presented with each scenario.
Yes, this book is about death and dying, and since each person approaches that stage differently, read this book and take away from it what you need/want. There is something in this book for everyone whether caring for a dying loved one or being diagnosed with an incurable disease.
I would recommend this book to anyone who is a caretaker, a nurse, a home health aide, or a patient.
Read
November 30, 2024DNF at 50%. While the premise was interesting, the execution didn't work for me. This felt repetitive, and the format was scattered, making it hard to stay engaged. On top of that, I felt there were too many 'musts' and 'shoulds', and it's honestly exhausting to read. It was kind of overwhelming and it has the tendency to make you feel like you had any autonomy in your own growth. IMO, a good self-help book should feel encouraging to think for yourself. I've been getting picky with self-help books lately, and this one just didn't click for me.
March 7, 2020
Wow. The stories of the doc's experiences are superb -- very moving, touching, tear inducing, and beautiful. Get this for her experiences alone. She also provides advice, which is valuable, but I"m sorry to say not as good as some of her anecdotes. Highly recommended.
Thanks very much for the ARC for review!!
Thanks very much for the ARC for review!!
May 21, 2022
I cried as I read the heart felt stories written by Karen, a geriatrician consultant about her dying patients. Stories of emapthy, kindness, mindfulness and human connection, simple concepts but unfortunately not fully embraced until the end. I would definitely pick this book up and re-read again to remind myself what really matters in my life, not just at the end.
January 4, 2023
Found myself weeping through this book at many points. The personal stories of end of life and the lessons Wyatt pulls from her experiences working with patients in hospice is eye opening. Death is scary because of the uncertainty that comes with it. This book helps you see death in a different light and how we can make the most of our time as part of the living to cultivate peace in our lives as we approach the unknown.
August 17, 2024
Lots of wisdom in this book and I did enjoy it.
I can say that for me this leaned a bit to much on religion, but for the general population I think that would be accepted more than someone such as I that have a bit of a reaction to most things religious. But I feel I could read past this and gain the wisdom. And I do appreciate that she has investigated several religions for the book.
I can say that for me this leaned a bit to much on religion, but for the general population I think that would be accepted more than someone such as I that have a bit of a reaction to most things religious. But I feel I could read past this and gain the wisdom. And I do appreciate that she has investigated several religions for the book.
October 14, 2024
I had heard about the Bronnie Ware book but this one came up at the library so decided to read it. It seemed more like her reflections than those of others. Quite heavy on the religious front ( although it does touch on multiple religions).
Will still try the Bronnie book to see how they compare.
Will still try the Bronnie book to see how they compare.
September 25, 2024
For the first time a book made me cry. not a small tear but a running waterfall, everything hit home. the stories were beautiful and powerful. death was never something to fear. it was something to embrace.
August 26, 2023
This book was not what I expected. My experience with hospice was not what the doctor described in her book, but I really liked the stories she shared and the lessons she imparted. I will refer to this book again as I work through the steps she suggests.
December 30, 2021
Very profound. A must read.
Displaying 1 - 15 of 16 reviews