Hardcore Grief Recovery: An Honest Guide to Getting through Grief without the Condolences, Sympathy, and Other BS

by Steven L. Case

A straight-to-the-point, honest-as-hell grief recovery handbook, offering a refreshingly honest approach to healing, empowering you to navigate your journey without the fluff and generic advice. Embrace the concept of radical honesty with a raw and unfiltered perspective on the grieving process. From acknowledging the messy and complex nature of grief to exploring unconventional methods for healing, this book is your partner in reclaiming your emotional well-being and mental health. Step away from the conventional and embark on a transformative journey toward healing, resilience, and renewed hope. Also check out the companion Hardcore Grief Recovery Workbook for journaling your way through grief.

Genres: Grief, Self Help, Nonfiction, Death, Mental Health

128 pages, Paperback

Published April 10, 2020

Reviews

[Kel Diener · Rating 1 out of 5]

I honestly could not finish it.
I was hoping it would discuss the science behind grief in a no-nonsense "this f*cking sucks" kind of way but instead it read like a blog post written by a thirteen year old.
It outlines the outdated, inaccurate "stages of grief" model and contains scripture despite its title.

I'm completely shocked at the high rating it has on this website and feel like I've completely wasted my money.

[Valerity (Val) · Rating 5 out of 5]

This title caught my eye and I decided to check it out, as I’m having a very tough time with this particular grieving situation. I found the book to be very real about the whole grief process. It’s blunt and even profane and humorous some of the time, but it’s also helpful. At least it was for me, your mileage may vary. I found it much better than just platitudes and cliches.

[Claudia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Blunt, f-word laced description of our grief journey. Being a potty mouth myself, I appreciated it. A lot.

My only quibble is the use of the 'stages' which we know now might not be the straightforward path we thought. Case does mention we revisit all of them...more than once.

It's a brutal job, to mourn. And this little book touched my heart and moved me to tears.

[verovaleros · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was actually helpful 👌

[Destiny Lynn · Rating 2 out of 5]

It was okay. I had the workbook to this and decided to give the actual book a try but it turned me off really quickly. I’m not a fan of the 5 stages of grief because often times, grief isn’t a “start to finish” journey and that’s, in a nutshell, what the 5 stages model is. It does have some hard hitting things in there but overall, leaves you feeling like something is wrong with you if you aren’t following along the way it’s described.

[Samantha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was just what I needed. It's blunt, in-your-face text was very helpful in affirming my feelings and helping me to get a handle on them and my healing. I l truly needed everything to be expressed in this way.

[Suzanne Kramb · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would have loved to have this book around when I lost my very first special person...but even now, Steve Case put together a book that is blunt and honest and straight up sucks. I especially balled my eyes out in the section about anger, but I appreciate that he didn't use flowery language to try to make you feel better. Emphasis on try because when you've lost someone, there are no words that will make you feel better. F**ck Death is real. It gets down to the nitty gritty, the dark places you don't want to go, the devastating thoughts you try to avoid, and the unbearable emptiness you feel no matter what you do. And in all of these places, he reminds you that while grief is a shared experience, each of our journeys are our own.

[Lisa McGowan · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books on grief that I’ve read so far. It made me laugh out loud. Yes, a book on grief made me laugh because of its irreverent tone and use of curse words. It also offered great advice on how to deal with what you are feeling. So, in conclusion, FUCK DEATH!!!!

[Debbie Aruta · Rating 5 out of 5]

A small but powerful book. Finally a truthful book on grief and how hard it is and how much it sucks! Thank you for writing this! Read it!!!!

[michelle g.k.]

my dad sent me this & i love him

[Kate Shroba · Rating 4 out of 5]

yeaaaaaa. just saying if i read it, it’s going on good reads 🥲

[Annie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me realize how far I’ve come in my grief journey. I enjoyed the blunt honesty.

[Marisa Otterbine · Rating 4 out of 5]

Honestly didn’t realize it was a religious book until I got to the religious chapter at the end. It was honestly good but it didn’t get too into the nitty gritty like I was hoping for but it still helped me on this 14th year of grief.

[Christina · Rating 2 out of 5]

Kübler-Ross for readers who like a lot of swearing in their books. There was nothing new to read here. If you like a lot of swear words & an attempt at humor, this might be for you. This book literally just reiterates KRs DABDA theory, which we know is a simplified way to look at grief & terribly outdated!

[Me · Rating 4 out of 5]

Hmm. What to say?

Let's see. A start.

If I had one specialty as a therapist it would be grief. Bereavement.

People's reaction to the ultimate in inter-personal change.

Death.

I like this book yet I can't give it a five star rating due to a few items (my opinion, obviously):
-the use of swearing. Over done to the point of being trite. Seems so many books are trying to jump on the shock factor of the use of "fuck." It's really getting droll.
-the use of the word neurotics love: "should." Read anything by Karen Horney to know what I'm talking about
-about a third of the book is blank pages.

Would I use this book in a professional setting?

Yes

Would I recommend this book to people?

Already did.

[Nadia · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good SHORT book on grief. When dealing with intense grief, you think you need books to read to read how you should be feeling - but you also have no energy to even hold a book, so this small book is a precise and very understanding book of how a person grieving may be feeling. This would be a good gift to give a friend when grieving.

[Jesse Bingaman · Rating 2 out of 5]

Disappointing

This book was really disappointing. It can be summed up by "death sucks" and life will be hell for a while. Friends will be there and things will eventually get better. Now you have read the book and there's no need to buy it.

[Dani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely loved this book. It validated how i feel without rainbows and butterflies. this is the book i needed for my grief

[Taryn · Rating 5 out of 5]

I just lost my mom a little over a month ago. She was my best friend. We did so much together, went on so many adventures, and she was always so supportive of me and my endeavors, no matter how big or small. It happened so suddenly - from diagnosis to the end, it lasted maybe a month. I was very close to her. While I still have my dad and I cherish him so much, it's still not the same - it's different now. Thankfully, my dad understands, and together, we support each other.

However, I'm a reader, so I thought maybe finding books about grief and grieving might help me to begin my healing process. My dad is struggling himself, so I can't rely on him to help me heal.

This book was amazing. I appreciated the brutal honesty of it. It was straightforward - telling nothing but the truth - but in a way that didn't feel too bold or obnoxious. It wasn't that one friend being rude by telling you, "Hey, this is gonna hurt, but you'll learn to get over it" - it was more like a kind friend being like, "Hey, I know this hurts, but I'm here for you, and together, we'll get you through this." It was gentle, kind, yet honest. The cursing honestly didn't bother me at all; if anything, it made me feel more connected to the author/narrator, because it expressed exactly how I've been feeling. F-bombs and all.

I'm one of those readers that likes to take notes while reading books like these, so I took copious notes for myself to refer back to later. I'm sure if reading it the first time helped, it will the second and third times around, too.

Something I must compliment are the questions it gives you to answer. Some of those questions were so out-of-the-box that I would've never thought of them myself, but answering them proved therapeutic. It made me expand my focus. Instead of just focusing on all the good about that person, let in some of those bad times, too. Make yourself realize the person wasn't perfect - and that's okay!

I can't say enough good things about this book. It truly helped shape the way I think about certain topics of grieving. For example, it helped me understand what it means to reach the "Acceptance" stage, as that was something that personally scared me. I don't want to ACCEPT the loss because that means I'm over it, but I'll never be over it. This book helped me to understand that accepting the loss does NOT mean getting over it, it means understanding reality and being willing to move forward.

This book really helped me a lot, and I'm so grateful for it. This was worth the cost. I adored it. Thank you to the author for writing this, I appreciate it.

[Susan Armstrong · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm a leader of residential grief retreats through Sunrise Grief Retreat Society, and I thought this book might be a more comfortable read for men who attend the retreats. And I think it is, it's strength is the straightforward approach, not ever dulling down the enormity of the pain but restating the message that it will get better. I thought it was unfortunate that Case centred the book on Kubler-Ross's stages of grief since they were meant for folks who are dying, not the folks who are left behind. Interestingly, the chapter that was the weakest for me was the god chapter which I found odd given that the author has worked in church environments for a long time. He went for a rethink on God's omnipotence, but didn't land it for me, the triple axel jump that lacked a rotation and didn't make the landing.
But I loved his advice of do something normal, how he detailed what acceptance was (NOT I'm okay with it), and I LOVED "the person you lost is part of your muscle memory. And now you have to relearn a new way to operate"

Given that brains don't function well in the early months of grief, it is great that it is a short book, simply written.

[Frankie · Rating 5 out of 5]

My only child died June 13, 2025

I’m not doing well. He was the blessing I cherished most. I’m broken, lost, and empty. Having lost a much beloved father in 1983 I do have some experience with abject loss. However, this is different even though I know it was best my boy go before me. I can handle it better I think. But I’m 73 and don’t seem to have the energy for this. Furthermore I don’t care to find any. I have a few friends. I won’t burden them with what poor company I am. And they have their lives. They are good, kind folks but I’m a lot to be with now. All this is to say I’m kind of ready to go too. Oh I’m still taking meds, vitamins, eating, drinking, breathing, sitting by the water almost everyday. But my heart isn’t in it and I don’t really care about it too much. As for the book, it’s an open minded, open guide to let you know this sucks, there’s no shortcut, there’s no one answer but time and finding things that keep you going will help. It’s unique and I appreciate the author for sharing a down to earth approach.

[kristin l kinsley · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful for first time loss

I lost my boyfriend 10 days ago and I needed help. I’d never experienced this before. I’m a nurse, so death is not unfamiliar, but losing a loved one is much different. I didn’t want to cry to anyone because I already did that, and I don’t like making people feel uncomfortable. I felt alone. I just didn’t want to feel so shitty!
The title caught my eye because I was feeling angry, yes, one of the steps. In reading this book, I recognized a lot of what I am feeling, and that it’s normal and ok. I’m going in and out of some of the steps. The biggest takeaway so far is accepting that his death is final. He is not coming back, It hurts like hell, and it WILL get easier.
Someday, the joy will come back and I can go on living. Death is part of life. I now know what this feels like from a loved one’s perspective, which will help me in my nursing practice.

[Nicole Hu · Rating 5 out of 5]

I got this book after it was recommended to me by a friend (who is coincidentally the author’s son). With some recent passings in my family, this book has helped reshape some of the ways I’ve viewed loss and how I treat myself when approaching my grief. Grief is indeed very strange in the way it comes and goes, and I appreciate that this book doesn’t sugar coat anything. Steve’s writing is easy going and very pleasant, providing an honest lens that is cathartic and healing. I am definitely going to be getting the workbook! I will be keeping this book in mind as a recommendation for anyone I know that finds themselves buried within the tangled mess of grief, as I’m thankful it has helped me begin untangling my own.

[Nia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Paperback. This is an honest book about the full magnitude of grieving someone close to you. It purposefully doesn't include any of the standard platitudes people often give to you after death, which is refreshing and honest--things folks need when their worlds are upside down. It includes recommendations for how to get by day to day and re-establish whatever "normal" means after your loved one is gone. It's not a workbook, but it does encourage notetaking, journaling, and self-reflection. It's a short read and tells you when to take a break from reading to reflect or do to something else other than wallowing in your feelings. Definitely a helpful tool if you experience an insurmountable loss and feel "stuck."

[Sylvester Tom · Rating 5 out of 5]

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[G D · Rating 5 out of 5]

I randomly saw this book on Amazon as a recommendation and gave it a shot from the unique title alone.

This book is genius, it is a very direct and blunt teacher who elaborates on death. I recently had the passing of a family relative a few weeks ago before this book. I will admit I have felt uneasy thinking about it sometimes, with uncertain emotions lingering around.

After finishing this book in a matter of days, I can say with certain I feel more mellow. Mentally, my mind is clearer while the uncomfortable lingering feelings have vanished entirely.

I never knew I needed to read a book about how to perceive death. Thanks to this book, I am seeing life in a brighter perspective.

[Marlisse Harrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reality

If your like me many grief books don’t quite hit the right tone, I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with them they just don’t speak to you.
This book did. Simplistic in ways boot camp in others and a big dose of reality. This sucks truly badly completely and from everything I’ve read even the books I didn’t like the only way thru it is not thru it. Deal! In our house we had a saying to do the tough, grief is as tough as it gets it’s the ultimate suffering of the human heart. So go ahead say Phuket all …..it’s sucks.

[Amy Duff · Rating 5 out of 5]

My brother sent this to me a few days after my husband passed away very suddenly and unexpectedly. It took a couple of weeks before I actually started reading it, but I found it to be helpful and straightforward, not one of these fru fru books about my husband now being in a better place, because quite frankly I'm not ready to hear that. Honestly, when you're trying to make sense of something that doesn't make sense at all, it does f'ing suck. This new life that I've now been living for for 5 weeks, yeah, it f'ing sucks.

[Lis · Rating 5 out of 5]

Unfortunately, I needed this book. I still do. I will for who knows how long. Losing someone you love is the absolute worst. Losing them unexpectedly makes it even harder. I still don’t know how to process it. But, that’s ok. This book provides an outlet. Offers strategies. It’s real. It’s raw. It hurts. But, it’s needed. My heart is broken, but the world keeps turning. This book helps figure out how to do the same.

[Renetta Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you are offended easily by swear words then this book may rattle your cage a tad but what a fantabulous book for grievers....to the point and no BS. Recently bereaved need this book but seeing as how we will all be bereaved at some point I reckon it is a good read for everyone actually!

I especially liked the list of stupid things people say and could probably add a few of my own before, during and since!