Happy Not Perfect: Upgrade Your Mind, Challenge Your Thoughts, and Free Yourself from Anxiety

by Poppy Jamie

A clear path to overcoming uncertainty, perfectionism, and fears of rejection so you can finally find peace with the past and create a happier, healthier future

Even before the pandemic brought on a crushing wave of stress, anxiety, isolation, life change, and financial struggle, there was already a growing mental health crisis. Due to a culture that encourages perfection, hustle, and fictional life/work balance, many are burning out. Behind her Instagram-projected image of "happy wellness founder," Poppy Jamie was also struggling mightily with perfectionism and life purpose.

She began working with mental health experts and researchers to find practical tools to overcome her inner critic and rewire her mind. She discovered that it is possible to create new neural pathways in your brain to break patterns of avoidance, challenge fears of not being good enough, and turn failure around by stretching the mind with new, healthier thought habits. The old wiring (and habits) that you've been stuck with can be written-over. You can actually upgrade your headspace to make curiosity, vulnerability, compassion, and emotional flexibility your default settings.

In the emphatic and trusted voice of Bridget Jones meets neuroscience, Poppy shares her Flexy Thoughts approach for changing how you react to emotional triggers and think of yourself while improving your mental and physical health, relationships, and vision of the future.

Our emotional resilience may continue to be tested, but the new perspectives and strategies in Happy Not Perfect will help us bring confidence, adaptability, and acceptance to whatever comes next.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Psychology, Audiobook, Personal Development, Book Club

320 pages, Hardcover

First published April 13, 2021

Reviews

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Happy Not Perfect by Poppy Jamie is one of best self-help books I have ever read. Suffering from burnout and exhaustion, the author read every self-help book she could find, consulted with experts, and then took all of this knowledge and developed her own system to calm her anxiety. It is this system that she shares with readers of this book. She offers no easy solutions or false promises. Each individual must put in the time and effort to see results. Her advice genuinely shows you a way to break negative thought patterns and ruminations which, in turn, reduces stress and anxiety. This isn't an advice book on how to overcome extreme trauma, but for the average individual, I find this to be extremely realistic and helpful and I highly recommend it.
Disclosure: I received a free copy from Rodale Books in exchange for a free and unbiased review.

[Jasmine · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not typically a person that will pick a self help book above other things, but this was a nice change of pace!
Happy Not Perfect is a book that challenges people to be flexible with their thinking. We often find ourselves fixated on things that do not serve us, or we hide the qualities that make us unique, all while putting up a false front to appear happier for people that are probably just as miserable. This is a book that suggests maybe it’s better to take a step back to analyze our negative thoughts instead of drowning in them.

I found this book to be highly relatable and fun to read! It isn’t preachy or obnoxious, which is what usually keeps me from reaching for most self help type things. This book probably won’t tell you a lot you don’t already know (especially if you’re interested in bettering yourself and have already begun the research/therapy to do so), but it is a wonderful guide to reinforce positive thinking patterns. I give Happy Not Perfect 4 stars.

Thanks to NetGalley for this eARC for an honest review!

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

A flexible future is knowing that there are unlimited ways to become the living embodiment of our chosen values, which is our purpose and completely individual.

I picked up Happy Not Perfect as I needed to read a self-help book for a reading challenge. I went in very skeptical and finished the book basically completely sold on Jamie's model of flexible thinking.

Happy Not Perfect walks readers through the four steps to flexible thinking before outlining several ways these techniques can be used in stressful situations, like thinking about the future. Each step is well explained with lots of exercises included to get you started on the path of flexible thinking. I really appreciated that Jamie is honest about her own journey to this mindset as well as the areas where she still has to work hard on flexible thinking. The book a good amount of citations from psychologists and doctors whose work informed Jamie's flexible thinking model.

The writing style of Happy Not Perfect will not be for everyone. It's informal with lots of hashtags and comedic asides. I didn't love the many hashtags but overall found the writing style made the content feel more approachable. Jamie has a clear writing voice that makes it feel like a good friend is explaining the techniques to you.

I really enjoyed Happy Not Perfect and have already started using many of the techniques outlined in the book.

[Melissa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book wasn't for me, but I can appreciate what the author was going for. First off, I had no idea who the author was, so I looked her up and she's an influencer/designer. This book is a sort of memoir that sprinkles in advice she's learned. I have to say, if I were one of her followers, I would have loved this. It was fun and cheeky, but having no connection to her, I couldn't really connect to the book.

[Charles · Rating 1 out of 5]

Self indulgent. Full of platitudes and ideas stolen from other self help books. Nothing original or insightful. I assume many of the reviews below have been written by friends/family. As her first book, we can only hope this is also her last!

[Zoë Soriano · Rating 2 out of 5]

this book is very aesthetic and looks pretty on the shelf! :-)

writing wise, i’m cringing

[Jonathan-David Jackson · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall, this is a good book.

About 1/3 of it is the author's personal story, which I couldn't relate to. Someone who already likes the author or who maybe has experienced a similiar thing - hard striving for external validation and financial success over many years followed by severe burnout - would probably like it more.

The self-help part is, as most self-help books, stretched out too much. The last 2/3 could have been 1/3, then the final 1/3 could have been pictures of cats. There were a few new things for me though, and it's always good to read a refresher on CBT techniques written from a different angle. I also got a new quote to add to my affirmations: "What other people think about me is none of my business."

[Douglas McAlister · Rating 5 out of 5]

I had longed to understand deeper about the origin of thoughts and how I could overcome, quite crippling anxiety at times. This book has really helped me and would strongly suggest others who struggle with anxiety to read.

[Amanda Feldman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book felt like I was taking an everything shower for my brain 🧠🫧🌈🦋

[Joan · Rating 3 out of 5]

I appreciate this interesting account of one women finding out her relationship to happiness. She discovered that happiness does not rely on external things but rather who one is inside.

Jamie shares her journey so this is a more personal book than one often finds in the wellness genre. She ended up in the hospital with exhaustion and that set her on a quest to understand why she did what she did, what she was working so hard to acquire. She shares what she learned from reading books and talking to people.

I have read many books in this genre but learned some new ideas from this book. I think I finally came to understood how we arrive at our core beliefs. Jamie explained it in a way I had not seen before. I was surprised to find out about memory, that our brain does not file away every detail but only enough for us to make sense of the event. Jamie encouraged us to reframe memories, not to forget but to be able to make peace with them.

Her technique consists of four steps. We connect with with our body, our feelings. We become curious about our thoughts and actions. We make choices about thoughts and actions. We make a commitment to uphold our values. Jamie has included some very good exercises to explain the steps and how they work.

This is a good book for people who like insights in the context of personal experience. Jamie will help you develop a nurturing and caring approach to reprogramming our minds. One caveat: Jamie uses some foul language that is unnecessary.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Katie · Rating 3 out of 5]

First off I’m reading this as an ARC from NetGalley and these are mu true honest thoughts. Im a lover of all types of books and that includes those under the label of self help. When this came my way I was eager to dive in.
I’m a learner, for me this book is exactly that. Half memoir half, workbook/text book. There is a lot of information and I loved how things were backed up, Poppy is knowledgeable and utilizes the people she knows in order to give the reader information that’s more than just some Instagram influencer.
Learning about emotions, feelings, and being flexible when it comes to the brain are all important in the growth of all of us. Often we get stuck and end up with that burnout and Poppy learned the hard way and inspires us to learn how to unlearn a lot of the techniques we’ve been taught. This book isn’t a light read, it’s certainly not for everyone; but as someone who is interested in mental health, self help and growth I enjoyed it. It’s more than a 3, but not quite a 4.

[Mirissa · Rating 1 out of 5]

The thing I have to get out of the way first is that the use of about a dozen different fonts in this book (several of which were cutesy or off-kilter) and the poor job of spacing between paragraphs and supporting material like journal entries, leading to an overabundance of white space, made it seem more like a tumblr post than a nonfiction self-help book. Yikes. The constant overuse of the word “bitchy” also didn’t help lend credibility to the work. Also, apparently I’m not even allowed to have an opinion about this book because on page 249 Poppy says, “If you are not also living vulnerably, baring your soul, opening yourself to equal attack, too, then you can keep your comments. Thanks and #byeeeeee.” (All six of those e’s are original to the text.) However, if YOU would like to read my review, I’ll continue.

Really this book is more about Poppy than it is about anything else. She’s talking about her own mental health journey, which included health scares, app development, reading a bunch of books, talking to 8,000 woo-woo friends about their mindfulness practices and coaches, etc. Sure, it dropped some knowledge about imposter syndrome and the way the human brain works, but it took until Chapter 4 to actually begin to tell the reader how to adjust their lives. Until then, it was all about Poppy and Regina. (Who is Regina, you ask? The name that Poppy has given her inner voice. We hear about Regina extensively.) Perhaps if the anecdotes had been blended with advice that would’ve been one thing. Instead the whole beginning read more like a memoir of all the ways Poppy was sad and felt fat and how she wasn’t going to feel that way anymore because she’s reading all this stuff but not telling you anything practical right now, just stay tuned! But I didn’t even know who she was when I picked up this book, so I just…didn’t care that much? I know that sounds terrible but I don’t care that your friend Gala (like the apple?) recommended Book A to you or that Toby ghosted you and that zebras don’t get ulcers.

When she did finally get down to the self help, I still feel like it borrowed too much from other people and didn’t really bring up anything original. And even then the anecdotes are CONSTANT. There may have been a nugget or two of wisdom here but it wasn’t worth the dig to get to them. I’m glad that writing this book apparently provided a nice diversion for the author during the pandemic but despite being literally quarantined with it in my possession I still couldn’t get through it before heading back to the real world.

[Lorena · Rating 3 out of 5]

For me, this book was too long, too much about Poppy’s own story, and not enough about how to free yourself from anxiety. My initial reaction was that I couldn’t identify with the author, who seemed so unhappy despite having so much going right for her. However, I suppose it’s a good reminder that anyone can experience suffering, and we should be compassionate with one another.

I think the book is aimed at a younger audience, because I couldn’t relate to the author’s experiences, and I didn’t enjoy her writing style. The book is written in a very casual, conversational style, complete with hashtags and expletives. Much of Poppy’s story involved desperate people pleasing and striving for perfection in order to win other’s approval, along with comparing herself to others on social media. I could imagine recommending this to a teen or twenty-something who might be experiencing some of the same issues and hasn’t yet been exposed to many of the teachers and books the author references.

I’ve read quite a bit of self-help, positive psychology, cognitive behavioral therapy, and books on coping with anxiety, so many of the author’s suggestions were familiar to me. That part of the content was fine; I just didn’t resonate with the presentation.

I received an unproofed ARC through NetGalley, and I volunteered to provide an honest review.

[Ahri · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was really excited for this book, but unfortunately it fell completely short. Nothing better than generic self-help info that you could find online or social media. DNF.

[maggie zeng · Rating 2 out of 5]

DNF but only with 60 pages left—self-help books are either just not for me or this one is particularly not suited myself. the tips are generic and the analogies make me cringe. very very real lessons and i think that some people could benefit from them, just not really sure who the audience should be.

[Jordan Ormsby · Rating 5 out of 5]

i wish I could give this book 6 stars. if you even have an inkling that you need to read this or could benefit from it (AND IF you don’t) YOU NEED TO. omg. I’m using these tools with my clients.

[Lesley · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this on audiobook and related so much. I intend to to buy a hard copy so I can reread it and pay closer attention.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

My daughter found this book for me; I had never heard of it but really enjoyed it! I highlighted several passages. :)

[Smitha Murthy · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is an earnest effor that can appear too simplistic. What? My problem is not going to go away by flexing my mind! Well, somehow, it does make that problem less problematic.

Good insights, and some fairly practical stuff from Poppy here. It does meander toward the end, and gets repetitive. But hey, that's just how you train your mind for new neural pathways! Rewire. Rinse. Repeat.

[Julie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was not what I expected, and I do not think I am the intended audience. While I'm not currently practicing, I am a clinical social worker who has spent years counseling youth in schools. I enjoy reading books about anxiety to fine-tune my own strategies and to see if there is anything new that I can share with others (both practitioners and people dealing with anxiety).

I found this book to be mostly a memoir of the author's own journey with anxiety. The majority of her examples of stress/anxiety/burnout are personal and will most likely resonate with millennials or younger. She shares scenarios about work, friendships, socializing, and dating and assumes that many readers will have had similar experiences and reactions. I'm at a different stage of life. I'm balancing work, parenting (high school age kids), marriage, managing my own health, and supporting an older parent. I didn't connect with the examples shared, but appreciate that others may.

Interspaced among the scenarios, the author shares her own mental health journey. She shares insights she's gained from therapy and also shares highlights of books she's read. I enjoyed the quotes from experts in the field and have definitely added to my list of books to read.

The author primarily supports flexible thinking as an intervention/ approach that has been successful for her. She has developed a flexible thinking framework that works for her that involves several components. Many of the chapters include guiding questions, activities, and opportunities for reflecting on and shifting negative thought patterns. While some readers may find these prompts helpful, I would recommend that anyone suffering from anxiety that is impacting your daily life consider multiple supports beyond this book (check in with your doctor, seek counseling, explore multiple books/websites) to determine what will work best for you. The author modeled exploring multiple resources (various counselors and books), and I think this is what helped her figure out what works for her.

Thanks to the publisher and NetGalley for an advance copy of this book in exchange for an honest review.

[Nicole · Rating 3 out of 5]

Happy Not Perfect is okay, but it's nothing new. However, the author seems like someone I could easily relate to because she felt and feels so many ways that I do. The book doesn't feel like a textbook and isn't backed up by studies but makes you feel like someone with a positive aura is talking to you, but about herself.

The method the author devised in her book, she calls "the flex," referring to flexible thinking, is a simple four-step framework for daily reflecting. As a whole, the flex method is about connecting with your body to upgrade your mind and help you rewire your thought habits so you can untangle from the past, lean into love, and rise above fear.

The author's writing style reads like this:

I mean, who didn't see perfect as a safety cloak? I became a tweenage workaholic and piled on unbearable pressure t meet my own impossibly high standards. As an adult, my search for perfection manifested in workaholism and massive amounts of social anxiety. I realized how loopy "hooked on work" sounded, but as Dr. Shona explained, in the brain, the mechanism is no different from a gambling addiction or eating disorder. The number of hours I worked in a day was something I could control.

The problem with unmanaged perfectionism, I was learning, is that it leaves you with NO tolerance for error. If something interrupts the perfect little plan, we need to move from hero to zero, and sheer panic rushes in at the speed of light.

Overall, the book feels a little bit more like a memoir than one to help or provide a good pep talk to the readers as it goes through more of the author's journey. It was okay, and it was relatable at times but didn't give me too much value or anything overly memorable.

[Georgie Rutherford · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an incredible book. Reading Poppy's words has given me a sense of empowerment to take control. Her flexible thinking method is inspired and I love the idea that 'suffering happens in the gap we hold between the expectations we have and reality' but that 'flexing and finding the gifts in the gap resolves the pain'. If you feel like you're a little lost, doomed to fail or just scared of the future, this book will bring you peace. Poppy's raw honesty in this book is admirable and it's reassuring to hear from someone who has had her own fears, failures and frets about what lies ahead. Poppy's advice is relatable, addictive and the energy it has provided me with has been life changing. Highly recommend!

[Dawn Thomas · Rating 4 out of 5]

Happy But Not Perfect by Poppy Jamie

9780593231685

288 Pages
Publisher: Rodale Books
Release Date: June 8, 2021

Nonfiction, Self-Help, Mind, Body & Spirit

Poppy presents the self-help information in a in-your-fact style. She writes about her experience as a journalist and television personality. She even mentions her first celebrity interview with Jude Law when she missed the chair and landed on the floor at his feet with her face in his crotch. The book is part memoir and part instruction book. There is also an app associated with the book. The information is presented well but there is a lot of cursing for a self-help book.

[Simona · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is a frustratingly poorly written book. I got through 26% and had to read her pity party about her burnout about 30 times, as well as reading about her "bitchy Regina" (her inner monologue). There's nothing I hate more in a book than repeating a shitty metaphor over and over. When I search for "bitchy", 39 results come up. THIRTY-NINE. It feels like 90% of this book is filler to actually turn it into a book. It should be an article, because there's only enough real content for that.

[Olavia Kite · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think I wasn’t the target audience for this book (maybe I’m too old and I’m not entirely new to cognitive behavioral therapy), but props to the author for writing from a place of love and compassion. What I did not like was her sort of trademarking of other people’s research and methods/exercises. I know the endnotes are there for reference, but must she label it all as her own revolutionary idea? Nothing in this book is new.

[Michelle · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was 15% into this book and could go no further. I heard a lot about the author and all her business ventures, but she just took too long to speak to me in ways that were helpful. Maybe it got better, but I just was not reeled in.

[Annie · Rating 1 out of 5]

No can do. I thought about powering through but no, not for me.

[Brandy · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed "meeting" Poppy through this book. I had no idea who she was. I watched her interview with Jude Law after listening to her share the story. I found other interviews that were enjoyable.
She seems like a sweet woman and would be a dear friend. It's great to see her successful and able to help so many people in her Happy, not Perfect, groups. It's true we live in a social media era, where the grass seems greener everywhere else. I appreciate her views and responses to giving fewer Fs about social media. I've deleted my accounts before reading this book and felt like I was given a high 5. Thanks, Poppy and Mel Robbins.

I've read most of the books quoted and wanted to quit reading this book several times. I felt like Poppy kept repeating the books verbatim. To put it simply, this was an elaborated reference list of the books she's read.

Honestly, I adore Daniel Amens. His theories and his strategies have made the most logical sense to me in healing my brain, gut, and heart. It seems like Poppy does, too. To put it lightly, please read Amen's books, choose one or all, and he won't let you down when it comes to healing from the inside out. He also gives all the understandings to why you may feel angry, happy, sad, or whatever emotion you're feeling. And how to change it for good.

Mel Robbins, Oprah, Dr. Daniel Amen, Brene` Brown, and so many more were quoted and referred to. Please read their books they are valuable and have many more lessons for self-help with humor and science-based information, such as A.N.T.S.

I think this was a reflection of Poppy's discoveries after taking some much needed time for a break during covid-19. This time allowed the world to slow down and remember what is important and what we can let go of. I truly believe this was the lesson during the covid-19 era. I needed this time to reflect on my life and pivot my own values. I'm thankful Poppy shared that she was doing the same. I hope 2020 gave many folks the courage to be the best versions of themselves.

I'm happy Poppy has found peace with her thoughts and can view herself as a dear friend when giving constructive criticism. We all could take this page from her book and apply it to our own journey. Thank you for that.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, reading this book just made me angry throughout the entire read. If you’re an upper middle-class person who likes to conflate your problems, you’ll love this book. If you’ve been extremely privileged your entire life and had more than most people could ever dream of but believe your life is awful, get a copy of this book. If you’re a conventionally attractive white woman with blonde hair who can land a TV gig at a young age just by asking, can get a $1 million plus investment on your startup idea that’s been done before and have made millions co-opting mindfulness, you will absolutely love this book.

I’ve been struggling with my mental health lately and snatching up a ton of different books, but this one was brutal for people like myself. As mentioned, Poppy Jamie is the author of this book, and although she’s a best seller and pretty famous, I’d never heard of her. As I read this mental health book/memoir, my jaw was on the floor. All I kept thinking was, “Get some real problems.” Despite having it much better than 90% of the people on this planet, she struggles with a little self-doubt and decided to go all-in on mindfulness after a yoga class or something.

I will say that this book has a ton of beneficial information. A lot of the research she references is solid, and she talks to some amazing people like Dr. Judson Brewer and references some fantastic books. If you can get passed her privileged nonsense, you’ll definitely find value in this book. But, and I can’t emphasize this enough, she references Deepak Chopra (in a good way) numerous times in this book, and it’s well-known that he’s a spiritual guru hack who rips people off with his ridiculousness.

Read it if you want, but personally, it’s getting a little old watching privileged people like Poppy make millions off of mindfulness. Did I mention she has an app with the same name as the book where you can pay for premium to take mindfulness lessons?

[bibliodufi · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am not new to self help books or mindfulness and I have had CBT. I had never heard of the author but found this title the week it was published, which happened to be while I was off sick with burnout, terrified and desperately looking for answers.

My life has nothing in common with Poppy's and I felt from the writing style that I was not in the target audience (which I did at times find awkward but which didn't detract from the content for me). I do however have a lot in common with Poppy's inner workings and I found her honesty and her story helpful because it proves that you can change your thinking for a more positive and helpful pattern.

I resisted the urge to read this as a book and treated it more as a workbook; focussing on each step for a while before moving on, so it took me several months. It has been immensely helpful in helping me to change some of my thought patterns (not easy, not by any means done, but definitely a work in progress) and showed me different ways to deal with my thoughts, feelings and reactions.

I found this to be a really helpful and approachable book, and it's the culmination of the author's conversations with many experts in various fields in her own quest for answers. It gives you simple, practical ways to make seemingly small changes which have the power to impact massively on your health and was one of a few resources (including seeing my GP and journaling) I started working with to address my overthinking, boundaries, people pleasing and perfectionism. Peppered with interesting and inspiring quotes too, it's definitely worth a read.