The Language of Time: A memoir on caregiving, early onset Alzheimer's, courage, and finding meaning from loss

by Ashley Bendiksen

"My mother developed Alzheimer's at just 48. It didn't make any sense. Worse, there was no cure and no timeline. I became a caregiver overnight, endlessly aware of a heartbreaking new reality - tomorrow was no longer guaranteed. I needed to somehow slow down time, to find answers, to create a miracle (while still managing my own life as a woman in my 20s). At the very least, I had to do my best to capture it all before time ran out - archiving memories and learning all I could about courage, how to live, and how to love."Combining journal entries with transcribed conversations and emotive storytelling, The Language of Time is a real and honest expression of one daughter's sudden and unplanned journey as caregiver. It’s a story of hope, strength, courage, and the unbreakable bond between a daughter and her mom. It's a story of womanhood, without the guidance of a mother. And it’s a poignant reminder of the ever-passing moments of time with those we love.The Language of Time is a breakthrough memoir that will be appreciated by those who have been touched by caregiving, Alzheimer's/dementia, terminal illness, hospice, or loss of a parent. It shines a light on the unique circumstances of early onset Alzheimer's, and fulfilling the role of caregiver as a young adult. It's also filled with stories of facing life's challenges, love, family, gratitude, personal growth, and self-discovery.

338 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 11, 2020

Reviews

[Michelle Davidson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read in 2 hours.

This is an exceptional book! I couldn't put it down. You will need tissues. Made me want to spend more time with my own mother.

[John Beede · Rating 5 out of 5]

The Language of Time is one of those books that sits with you for days after you've finished reading the final page. I find myself missing the characters, even after multiple reads. TLOT follows the author’s relationships in her 20s, all of which hinge around her experience caretaking for her mother’s battle with early onset Alzheimer's. The sum of these parts results in a deeply personal, highly vulnerable look into the author's spirit and resilience. You’ll cry... but it’ll be coupled with Bendiksen’s enduringly positive life perspective and reminders to make the most of each life moment.

The passion and prose with which it's written makes you want to read more slowly to savor the depth of each story. You can feel the author’s hope, fear, excitement, sadness, strength, confusion, and resolve on every page. It's an intricate look at the many layers of emotions that a caretaker - and all of us - experience.

Much like Alzheimer’s, the timeframe of the book isn’t perfectly linear. It calls back to related memories and delicately repeats important motifs. The result is a joyful reminder that despite its tragedies and sadness, life — and our moments with loved ones — are to be treasured. I caught myself tearing up several times, but it was always tempered with one of the book's underlying themes: "this life matters."

TLOT also gently teaches along the way; those who know little about Alzheimer's will have their eyes opened, as I sure did. Caretakers will get insight into what to expect, expressed in human-talk instead of medicalese. Plus, you'll get some real-life examples and ideas about what works (get ready to be totally sold on coconut oil).

Overall, a gorgeous book and well worth the read.