Date Smart: Transform Your Relationships and Love Fearlessly

by Carla Marie Manly

Sometimes we have HUGE expectations for the ideal relationship, but dating isn’t about being perfect or catching the perfect partner; it’s all about creating compassionate self-awareness and stronger self-esteem. A must-read for daters, this no-nonsense guide from clinical psychologist Carla Marie Manly, PhD, takes the guesswork out of dating with real-life examples, the latest research, and 33 vital mindset shifts designed to Self-discovery is key to healthy relationships. Your life will change when you discover how to date strong, date fearlessly, and date smart.

Genres: Nonfiction, Relationships

208 pages, Paperback

Published July 20, 2021

About the author

Dr. Carla Marie Manly—clinical psychologist, author, and podcaster—is based in Sonoma County, California. With a refreshingly direct and honest approach—plus a dose of humor—Dr. Manly enjoys supporting others in the ever-evolving journey of life. Her novel self-development paradigm builds resilience, emotional intelligence, and self-esteem. Highlighting the importance of loving connection, her work also focuses on helping others create deeply connected and satisfying intimate relationships. Host of the captivating podcast, Imperfect Love, Dr. Manly offers uplifting guidance on navigating the messy road of life. Working from a transformative model that honors the body-mind-spirit connection, she also offers holistic relationship and wellness seminars around the world. In addition, Dr. Manly is deeply invested in her roles as a mental health consultant and speaker. An award-winning author, her books, The Joy of Imperfect Love, Date Smart, Joy from Fear, and Aging Joyfully highlight her empowering approach and profound expertise. Dr. Manly's expertise is also regularly cited in media outlets including The Wall Street Journal, The New York Times, The Los Angeles Times, USA Today, Forbes, Oprah, Newsweek, NBC, HuffPost, Reader’s Digest, Psychology Today, Parade, GQ, Women’s Health, Architectural Digest, Men’s Health, and more.

Reviews

[Linnea Zielinski · Rating 5 out of 5]

Finding the right partner can be difficult, but even if you do, fostering and maintaining open communication and compromise is another challenge you face. I have a committed partner, but I still felt like this book gave me a compassionate look at where our relationship could be improved and practical advice for applying the lessons to my life and relationship. Setting personal boundaries is a particular challenge for me and sometimes doesn't even feel like a priority. Dr. Manly clearly shows why it's vital to establish these boundaries and how both people in a relationship can benefit, making it easier to take the first steps on your own. It's a book I'll definitely read again as I slowly tackle each lesson and apply what I've learned.

[Arash Farzaneh · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dating can be stressful and relationships can be complicated, but there is also hope and promise on the way! If you are confused and worried about the world of dating, are excited about it but would like to have some useful tips and pointers, or even if you are merely curious about how to "date smart" or would like to foster and build upon an already successful relationship, this all-inclusive, all-encompassing and just wonderful book by Dr. Carla has a bit for everyone!

Not only does she address, explain and elaborate upon various potential challenges, issues, and pitfalls related to dating and starting and maintaining healthy and thriving relationships with clarity, warmth, and deep insight, she also gives anecdotes of different people to flesh out and personalize each of her tips and suggestions.

This book also comes with a handy and nifty working list of do's and don'ts so you can see and avoid red flags and establish favorable conditions for healthy dating, love, and romance. I found her 33 mindset shifts particularly inspiring and enlightening as they can help us not only to connect with others but also with ourselves in the process. And yes, dating and relationships can and should be fun after all!

[Libby Kiszner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Date Smart takes a thoughtful and joyful approach for all those seeking to bring a deep and meaningful relationship into their lives. The advice in this delightful book is practical, insightful, written in a conversational style, and is a great resource to have around the house. It contains real-life situations, vignettes, mindset shifts, and a mindfulness-based approach on self-knowledge, self-respect, and personal boundaries. In other words, this isn’t another preachy tell-you-what-to-do book. It’s a friendly, captivating guidebook that shares how anyone can connect with themselves to connect with others while dating smart.

[Nicole Garcia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful Read for those in or not in a relationship! This book gave me the tools to dive deep into my mind and ponder about where I am in my life, how I feel about myself, and most importantly to believe that boundaries that I set are ok.
It made me think, do I want a relationship, what would it look like, and how I would share my life with another. It is a great tool for also relating to people in all types of relationships. There is not enough that I can say about this book, it is something I will keep going back to on my path to partnership.

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was filled with valuable advice, helpful action steps and exercises, and anecdotes that helped the reader see the point Dr. Manly was making in real life. The biggest take away was the encouragement to figure out what you want out of dating and a relationship and to not take it personally if someone cannot meet you at your level. I highly recommend this book!

[Ellie L · Rating 5 out of 5]

AWESOME book that came at just the right time to pull me out of feeling hopeless with my relationships. I was super frustrated with dating, and this book helped me recalibrate. Getting out of my head and back into healthy habits. This book gave me actionable tips that are already helping me with all of my relationships.

[Jasmine Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of the best self-help books I have ever read! Dr. Manly discusses the elements to relationships that everyone should be aware of and actively practice when getting to know someone (ie: dating). What is so incredible about this book is how it is applicable to EVERYONE regardless of their relationship status - whether you're dating or have been married for 25 years. Dr. Manly clearly discusses the issues that most people do not discuss but SHOULD in order to have long lasting and healthy relationships. I really appreciated all the conversations she indicated two people should have when dating because these conversations really do help guide the relationship in a healthy direction. The book is so good it should be made into a course!!

[Laurie Hollman · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dateng Smart: A Review by Dr. Laurie Hollman

In Date Smart, Dr. Carla Marie Manly's values about caring for others and for oneself come forward throughout this comprehensive look at relationship building. She draws on the strength of her readers to accept themselves as they are and hope to become without pretense or fakery to please others.

Her case studies illustrate the importance of self-reflection. As a person understands and accepts what she or he has to offer and what is hoped to be gained in a relationship each unique individual becomes capable of insight. She remarks on how people in dating situations need to be open to a willingness to change in ways that come naturally as each person gets to know themselves more fully.

Dr. Manly's well-thought out ideas demonstrate the integrity with which she speaks. In her conversational style you will find depth and sincerity of the kind she is suggesting is needed and can be obtained with hard work in understanding oneself and others to find a sensitive partnership with a friend and lover.

I highly recommend this book for those dating at various stages of their life because Dr. Manley's kind yet forceful writing is compelling, open minded, and perceptive about the ways people think, feel, and behave in relationships that will endure.

-Laurie Hollman, Ph.D. Psychoanalyst, Former Faculty, New York University and the Society for Psychoanalytic Study and Research, author of books on parenting, narcissism, and a regular contributor for Authority Magazine, Thrive Global, and Upjourney among others,lauriehollmanphd.com.

August 12, 2021
Carla Marie Manly

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Calling on all the single ladies ( and men) I was gifted this book by my BFF and WOW!! Super helpful for the crazy world of dating. Helped me understand what is important in love and it gave me emotional tools to use. It’s a jungle out there and we all need a little help.

[Love2Read · Rating 5 out of 5]

I REALLY NEEDED THIS! Thank you for writing this book. It's easy to follow and it helped me so much.

[Jessica Speer · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone in a committed relationship or thinking about getting into one! Through relatable stories, facts, and gentle guidance, Dr. Manly shares the elements of healthy relationships.

[Cody Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Date Smart offers straightforward advice about creating healthy relationships. This book takes the game-playing elements out of dating. The self-reflective exercises helped me pause to consider what I really want from myself and what I want in my relationships.

[A. Kensington · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved this book. Great advice and valuable insights. Will recommend to my friends.

[Hope · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book! This book provides superb insights and is a reliable guide for healthy dating. It was enlightening and came at the perfect time in my life. Thank you to Dr. Manly for providing guidance to the reader through kindness, research and reflection. It made me feel embraced through the obstacles of dating. The guidance presented is what I have innately always wanted to emulate in my life but was never taught, nor have I seen demonstrated. This book is truly a road map in making your hopes in finding a good match a reality. This book is a must read and a must have!

[Adam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Simple to understand, fun to read, and makes dating seem easier than more approachable than anything else I've read or watched online. Highly recommend. Dr. Manly make dating seem fun, realistic, and something anyone can do successfully. Highly recommended to anyone in their 30's or 40's! Quick read.

[Shanti M · Rating 5 out of 5]

EMPOWERING! I only wish I had found this book earlier in my life. The journaling prompts and exercises helped me dig deep and see things in a new light.

[Eagle Lover · Rating 5 out of 5]

PERFECT BOOK! I needed this book! Reading it helped me realize why I was stuck in relationships that weren’t good for me! Highly recommend! Good job, Dr. Manly! Thank you!

[Genevieve Moran · Rating 5 out of 5]

The PERFECT book for anyone navigating the dating world! Loved every bit!

[Kailey (Luminous Libro) · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book gives practical advice about dating and how to find and keep good relationships. There is advice about red flags to look for, boundaries to establish, expectations to manage, and how to have healthy communication with your dating partner.

Most of the advice is very common; things like... be honest, be yourself, know what you want, know what you have to offer, be trustworthy and trusting, be vulnerable when it is appropriate. It's nothing amazingly new or groundbreaking, but it is important to review these things and apply them to your dating life.

At the end of each chapter there are several little example stories of fictional people and their dating problems and how they resolved them. I think these are a great writing tool to help you visualize how this advice can actually be applied! A few of these stories include LGBTQ+ couples.

There is a chapter about sex and STDs that had some moral ideas that I did not agree with.

Overall, I found this book sort of bland.

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a free and honest review. All the opinions stated here are my own true thoughts, and are not influenced by anyone.

[Myaddress03 · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found Date Smart to be such a helpful book. I love that it has examples of what seem to be real life people and situations. How the author describes their ways of being and how these ways contribute or detract from dating success makes the lessons learned interesting and entertaining. Also I found the lists to be very helpful. Marking what I have to offer in a relationship and what I don’t is a great way to know my strengths and identify my weaknesses. What better way to self-development then to know what I need to work on. I'm glad I came across this book. My only regret is that I didn't read it early in my dating life.

[William · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is a must read for everyone, and exceeded my expectations. It was so thoughtfully written and provided essential guidance to explore self and others. I appreciated the tools provided and have utilized them in my relationships. I love the stories provided which helped put what was learned in to practice.

[Ben · Rating 5 out of 5]

Once again Carla Manly steps to the plate and hits it out of the park. For a young man under 30 this is a MUST READ. Whether, being in a relationship, or being single this book brings great points on what to look for in a PARTNERSHIP. Successful relationships take work, Noah did not build his Ark in a day. I really like the way Carla approaches the topic of partnership and accountability. If you have not read her work, STOP WHAT YOU'RE DOING AND TAKE THE TIME TO INVEST IN YOURSELF WITH CARLA MANLY'S HELP!

[Virginia Pillars · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this to give an honest review since I'm not the intended audience for this topic. I haven't been for almost fifty years and so much has changed. With that being said, this book gives lots of examples of getting to know yourself and understanding that you have value whether you are in a relationship or not. I learned the meanings behind some of the new terms used in dating. The author gives examples of relationships to clarify the topic addressed. It is filled with practical advice on navigating the dating/relationship world and gave me a better understanding of it.

[Kendall Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dr. Carla Manly’s latest book, Date Smart, is both thorough and relatable in regards to the dating world itself. It offers actionable suggestions and the examples from her clinical work offer a real-world perspective. For those trying to find a fresh approach, her advice about tolerance, friendship, and trust blend perfectly and the book provides a roadmap that is empowering and helpful. Her work here is nothing less than outstanding.

[Caldonia J · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this self-help book to be like that friend you go to to bounce your concerns off of and be reassured. Even if you are experienced in relationships of all sorts it was helpful to be reminded of the core factors that make all relationships prosper. Especially coming from a pandemic where mental fatigue can have you questioning what you have known for certain previously. Handy to refer to, helpful to gift as support to friends from afar.

[Martell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Have you ever wished for a dating coach? I know I have.

Dr Manly is just that. This book is like having a portable coach on the ready at any time.

Dating Smart will have the reader untangling the knots that may have made dating the cluster f word it can be.
I've been single most of my life and there is a wealth of wisdom gleaned from these pages. I highly recommend.

[Tayler K]

The chapter on how to handle exes and truly move on from past relationships is really good. I didn't look at the rest.

[Elisabeth Flannery · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful deep dive into self-exploration, self-love, and the necessary ingredients to prepare oneself for the most enlivening and fulfilling relationships possible in life. A great and must-read for any single person, even anyone in a relationship who wants to go deeper.

[Aimee Gant · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an amazing read! Dr. Manly presents great insight and perspective to support you through navigating love and relationships. Highly recommend!

[Luciana Negri · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is amazing!
You can get advises to use daily and improve many aspects of your life, including relationships and self-love. After reading it, I started thinking about what I want for myself and what I deserve.
Dr. Carla gives 33 mindset shifts which, for me, were very helpful.

Date Smart changed my way of seeing things, as her book helped me to improve love in all aspects of my life.