Let Us Prey, Revised Edition: The Plague of Narcissist Pastors and What We Can Do About It

by Darrell Puls

Jesus warned of wolves carefully disguised as shepherds coming into local churches as pastors. It is the perfect disguise for a predator to access and devour the flock one lamb at a time while proclaiming himself as their protector and guardian. The result is spiritual devastation, broken congregations, and even destroyed churches. Darrell Puls attests from experience that the enemy has infiltrated the North American church through pastors with dangerously high levels of narcissism. These pastors hide under layers of the sacred, but it is always an illusion of smoke and mirrors. Puls has experienced this reality from the inside as a staff pastor under a narcissist, and from the outside as a church consultant. He carefully unpacks toxic narcissism in everyday terms, and lets the victims tell their own stories. Let Us Prey, Revised Edition is as real as it gets.

240 pages, Kindle Edition

Published June 15, 2020

About the author

Both of my books are deeply personal even though written from a third-person viewpoint. The Road Home, though a guide for church conflict interventionists, comes from my own deep need to forgive physical, sexual, and emotional abuse suffered as a boy, and my inability to do so. I researched hundreds of clinical studies to tease out the power of forgiving and the lies we believe that block it. I then reconstructed all of it into a seamless process that can be guided by anyone in assisting wounded people and faith communities to authentically forgive and heal, and then create new, healthy relationships from the ashes of the old. In the process, I found my own freedom by releasing all of the remaining toxins of childhood abuse.

Let Us Prey: The Plague of Narcissist Pastors and What We Can Do About It (Revised Edition), explores the phenomenon of pastors (and others) suffering from Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). Also known as toxic or malignant narcissism, NPD is one of the most dangerous and least treatable of all mental illnesses. These men (and a few women) appear totally normal to most of us, but the clues are there if you know what to look for. They can be charming and highly charismatic, or shy and self-effacing, but the underlying pathological needs are still there: Greed, grandiosity, entitlement, a need to dominate and control everyone, pathological dishonesty, and using others until no longer useful and then just throwing them away like garbage. That's the short list.

The revised edition contains updated research, stories from all over the world sent to me by victims of toxic pastors, and a completely new chapter on the narcissist pastor as spouse and parent (clue: They are terrible at both).

The emotional, financial and spiritual damage these people cause is difficult to describe. Their rage when directed at you is like a flame thrower.I know because I worked under one for three years and have consulted with dozens of churches having the same problem.

I have taken on Emeritus (retired but working on special projects) status as the Dean of Academic Affairs at Pacific Northwest Christian Collegein Washington State. I spend as much time as possible with my wife, Carole, and family on our boats.

Reviews

[Casey Kiser · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book does an excellent job of exploring those who hide so cowardly behind religion to mask their true intentions of controlling others and projecting their shame to feel superior. For far too long, the church has been the perfect hiding place. The constant projection, gaslighting, victimhood and other covert tactics used by narcissistic pastors are dissected here, and the author discusses his views on the mindset needed within the church to be an "emotionally healthy" place to visit. "Though the temptation will be to rationalize what happened and diminish our part in letting it happen, we must confront who we are, what we have allowed and done, and then commit to change. Without this step, the church is likely to wallow in moral stagnation even though it may say all the right words. What I am describing here is the refocusing of the church from the past with its pain to a future full of promise by changing it at the deepest levels." (pg. 187)
This book gets the 'gutsy af' award. Confrontation, change and church.......... oh my!
These words on the same page? Yes, big dreams. Let me know when this begins. I'll bring the popcorn.

-The following excerpt is from 'The Formation and Role of Shame' (pg.42)

The narcissistic personality is built on shame: the shame of rejection, the shame of prohibited desires, the shame of knowing that he or she is broken and worthless despite all the trappings and power they may have accumulated, and the shame of knowing they are not what they project to others. Such deep-rooted shame results in contradictory beliefs and behaviors that can be destructive when acted upon, but which are also irresistible.

Shame encompasses an all-pervasive sense of being flawed and defective as a human being. It holds a sense of worthlessness, of failing, falling with the self, which is an inner estrangement where the broken self all but banishes the unbroken self. The narcissist then becomes an object of his own contempt, an object that cannot be trusted. This creates an unbearable inner tension that must be defeated. It is so intolerable that the narcissist will do everything within his power not to experience it at all. Shame, which is failure and brokenness personified, is then directed outward and projected onto others. In this, we find the making of the scapegoat that the narcissist must always have nearby. -

The biggest lesson I have personally learned from those with npd is that we can't just give away our trust to someone who hasn't proven themselves worthy of it. We certainly have to take some responsibility, as well, for trusting too easily sometimes. Manipulation on some level is all around us and I agree with the author that self-confrontation is the first step. Then commitment to change. We change our surroundings by changing ourselves. A little inspiration from courageous people like this who speak out about their personal experience can help so many others to do so as well. Recommended.