When your future boyfriend ends up being the popular quarterback who pushed you so hard to the point where you spun in the air on the way to the ground that before you could push your arms forward, your eye landed on a branch that took your eye out.
“Just knowing you’re there is so important to me, honey. You can’t even know how much. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”
Robert slowly scooted down, gripping the windowsill hard. That declaration forced all the air out of his lungs. “That’s not true. You’re ill because of me,” he uttered, closing his eyes as a wave of guilt washed over him like a furious storm.
“I would have never found you if it wasn’t for that.” Ethan’s voice was shaky and became more quiet. “You’re worth losing an eye for.”
Terrible way to start this review, but it really formed the relationship.
This was my second K.A. Merikan read and made up for my terrible introduction to their works. I was worried because of the supposed bully trope, which is not my jam at all, mostly because there is never enough redemption. However, I would hardly classify this as a bully to lovers romance, or even enemies to lovers.
In my opinion, Rob and Ethan simply started off on bad terms; Ethan being a gay loner who wears morbid jewelry and Rob being the closeted popular football quarterback popular with all the girls make for a common torment cycle. Yet, Rob never really torments and bothers Ethan on a daily level just because he wants to. The first chapter that leads to his regretful mistake was the only scene where Rob acts like an asshole. One drunken mistake led to their lives becoming intertwined, which is no excuse, but Rob never excuses his behavior and instead acknowledges it, trying his best to make up for it and help Ethan. What starts off as a so-called arrangement that Rob agrees to for the sake of Ethan staying silent about what happened becomes an unexpected friendship that develops into more.
Perhaps that is why this worked so well for me. Ethan and Rob have a shaky start but is made up through the time they share together. We see them go through a whole timeline of “I didn’t know you as well as I do now,” which is super common in high school as a whole, even if books make them a little more dramatic. Still, for me, there were many moments between the two that show their growing and lingering feelings. There are the usual teenage mishaps, but there’s still a lot to adore about these two. I loved seeing their attraction be built from lust to confusion to attraction to complete adoration, to the point where they became the “It-couple” at their school. The authors don’t shy away from details in their relationship, which makes the high school experience more believable. Adding on to that, we see their friendship be formed first before anything.
One other winning factor for this is how this is probably one of the most realistic high school romances I’ve read thus far, even if it classifies as NA more than solid YA. The authors take into account the different emotions and feelings high schoolers feel and express—hormones, awkwardness, bullying, popular teenagers, mishaps, judgement, uncertainty, school shenanigans. If there’s one common theme I’ve noticed in other MM romances, it’s that authors don’t always get into specific details of the preparation, especially when it comes to virgins. K.A. Merikan not only write about how the characters are feeling, like any type of discomfort or how they need to wait, but we also see how unsure Ethan and Rob are, even if they have an idea. They talk about improving, which I think is very fair, since, you know, they hadn’t done this before so how are they gonna be magically experts?? It’s a double virgin story, and as the reader, we see their confidence grow as they engage more. Not only is it an exploration story, but there is communication through the whole thing. It isn’t something where Rob and Ethan do without talking about everything else—types of condoms and lube, who tops and who bottoms, positions, and the general preparation.
All the moments between Ethan are Rob were adorable. They become some sort of life line for each other, its sweet. Rob becomes Ethan’s #1 supportive boyfriend on his projects and love for taxidermy, going from weirded out to completely fascinated. Ethan also holds out a lot of hope for Rob and his interest in creating food content, encouraging him to continue. Not only that, but they seem to have much better communication skills than adults. There wasn’t unnecessary miscommunication, but there were misunderstandings that are understandable for two teenage boys learning to adult while finding their way to continue being together. But you know what happens after? They apologize. They own up to their mistakes. They learn from it. There’s also a bit of jealousy before they become an official couple, providing more tension. I also loved how the authors don’t make Rob the typical closeted type that uses his childhood or closeted case to excuse his behavior. He acknowledges what happened with Ethan and regrets it. Plus, his sexuality is only hidden not because he’s afraid but because he doesn’t want it to be such a big deal. There were no excuses for how he acted and instead a believable form of redemption. We see the two open up to each other more and more as they hang out. Ethan becomes more comfortable with who he is, and Rob starts letting go of what he has been hiding. Their situations never felt over the top.
All in all, I loved this. Ethan’s parents were one of the only obstacles of enjoyment here, but it wasn’t anything new, per se. There were also times when I got frustrated with the switch up between using Robert’s name and his nickname, Rob. Besides that, I understand this isn’t these authors usual writing style, as their works are more gritty and dark. Regardless, I want to become somewhat familiarized before I dive into their stronger stuff.
“I want everything from you,”[…] “And I’ll give you anything.”