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Overcoming Bitterness: Moving from Life's Greatest Hurts to a Life Filled with Joy
Bitterness is a destructive poison, yet we all struggle with it sometimes due to circumstances our sovereign God has allowed. In a world full of struggle, we must take care that difficult circumstances do not feed a bitter spirit within us. In this honest and hopeful book, pastor and counselor Stephen Viars shows you how to avoid the pitfalls of a bitter heart as you walk through our fallen world. When we learn to process bitterness biblically and effectively, we can move from life's greatest hurts to a life filled with joy.
224 pages, Paperback
Published January 19, 2021
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
September 4, 2022
Excellent resource for counseling someone with bitterness or a lack of trust in God’s ways.
December 29, 2021
I'm not a bitter person. Yet, that cannot always be said of me. I was a 16 year old, extremely self-conscious (and I might add, self-centered) high school student when I experienced the most embarassing moment of my life. Falsely accused by a large group of students of a prank, said students determined to carry out what they believed was an equal act of vengeance. Without going into the details of the action, needless to say, what transpired at the hands of a group of upper classmen, left me beyond embarrassed. Today as an older guy I can look back at that event and chuckle, realizing how we were all knuckleheads. But for about two decades, below the surface, in this heart of mine, there was a slow boiling hatred, yes, bitterness for that group of guys. Interestingly, no one would have known that I had such bitterness in my heart for these guys that I actually wished them dead. Sad, isn't it. The outgoing, enjoy to laugh personality that the Lord has given me became a veneer to cover the bitter feelings that resided in my heart. I remember, in the years that followed, hearing the names of any of those men and instantly thinking godless thoughts. You have to understand, I had a hatred for them. It was while studying Matthew 18, preparing for a talk that I was going to give to our college ministry that the Spirit of God opened my eyes to my bitterness. I had heard someone say, "Bitterness is like drinking poison, thinking it is going to kill the other person." That was so true to my life experience. Needless to say, the Lord, by His unfathomable grace, allowed me to deal with the bitterness. In the years that followed, I became friends with one of those individuals; several I crossed paths with and enjoyed short conversations with them; others I had no way of knowing there whereabouts; and another I wept for when I received word that he had died. I was gripped by the reality that this man stepped into eternity separated from God--a horrific way to end life. God had changed my heart in astounding ways.
Now, as a counselor, I weekly interact with people who are dealing with the nagging effects of bitterness. People all around me, struggle with this issue. Families are broken apart because of bitterness. I've seen churches decimated at the hands of bitter people. I've sat across the table from people who ooze forth words of great bitterness. Please understand, I don't stand in judgment of those individuals for many of them have suffered greatly at the hands of other fallen sinners. I've cried with and prayed with people who have felt the sting of being sinned against by others, all the while, trying to deal with a perpetual battle with bitterness and hatred. Perhaps bitterness is your struggle, as well. If so, then this book by my friend, Steve Viars, might just be one to add to your reading list. Overcoming Bitterness is a book that is loaded with true hope. Can one avoid bitterness? Yes. Does God's Word address bitterness? More than one might realize. Using the example of Esau, Viars walks the reader through the Biblical understanding of bitterness, giving definition to such, and then detailing specifics to how Esau became one who was characterized by bitterness. The reader is challenged to avoid being like Esau. The last part of the book is excellent, as Viars works his way through the story of Ruth, focusing on Naomi, the infamous mother-in-law of Ruth. One may remember that Naomi, having suffered the loss of her husband and two sons, asked that people call her a name that meant "bitter". We dare not click our tongue in disgust at Naomi, for indeed, she had suffered greatly in losing three family members. Viars walks the reader through Naomi's journey from being "bitter" to be filled with hope. I loved this section of the book and was greatly encouraged by it.
I believe that most people battle bitterness to varying degrees and would be greatly helped by this excellent resource.
Now, as a counselor, I weekly interact with people who are dealing with the nagging effects of bitterness. People all around me, struggle with this issue. Families are broken apart because of bitterness. I've seen churches decimated at the hands of bitter people. I've sat across the table from people who ooze forth words of great bitterness. Please understand, I don't stand in judgment of those individuals for many of them have suffered greatly at the hands of other fallen sinners. I've cried with and prayed with people who have felt the sting of being sinned against by others, all the while, trying to deal with a perpetual battle with bitterness and hatred. Perhaps bitterness is your struggle, as well. If so, then this book by my friend, Steve Viars, might just be one to add to your reading list. Overcoming Bitterness is a book that is loaded with true hope. Can one avoid bitterness? Yes. Does God's Word address bitterness? More than one might realize. Using the example of Esau, Viars walks the reader through the Biblical understanding of bitterness, giving definition to such, and then detailing specifics to how Esau became one who was characterized by bitterness. The reader is challenged to avoid being like Esau. The last part of the book is excellent, as Viars works his way through the story of Ruth, focusing on Naomi, the infamous mother-in-law of Ruth. One may remember that Naomi, having suffered the loss of her husband and two sons, asked that people call her a name that meant "bitter". We dare not click our tongue in disgust at Naomi, for indeed, she had suffered greatly in losing three family members. Viars walks the reader through Naomi's journey from being "bitter" to be filled with hope. I loved this section of the book and was greatly encouraged by it.
I believe that most people battle bitterness to varying degrees and would be greatly helped by this excellent resource.
March 6, 2021
Overcoming Bitterness was exactly what I was looking for when I picked up this book. It had good pointers in it on how to help overcome bitterness. I enjoyed the examination of the story of Ruth. I liked how the book was written and found it very easy to read. I can see myself rereading this and reading it more slowly next time.
All in all, Overcoming Bitterness was a great read and one that I recommend.
*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.*
All in all, Overcoming Bitterness was a great read and one that I recommend.
*Disclosure of Material Connection: I received one or more of the products or services mentioned above for free in the hope that I would mention/review it on my blog. I was not required to give a positive review, only my honest opinion - which I've done. All thoughts and opinions expressed are my own and I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will be good for my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255: "Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.*
December 18, 2023
4.5 stars. Easy to read, but difficult self evaluation exercises. This book will help bring real change.
May 6, 2024
This was a good read. I just studied Ruth a year or so ago, so it was still fresh in my mind as the book examined it. It had lots of practical tips and it was rooted in biblical truth. I went through it with a mentee and it was a good book to go through with someone too, not every book is set up that way :)
August 11, 2025
I found this book to be very helpful. I especially appreciated the look into the book of Ruth and how bitterness affects our decisions, our relationships, and even our health/appearance. Such a contrast between Ruth (a Gentile) and Naomi (a Jew ). Would that we all watched for God's hand in ALL the circumstances of our lives and choose to glorify Him despite the challenge of the circumstances.
December 28, 2025
Everyone, to some extent, deals with bitter circumstances in their life. How do you deal with those circumstances and not have a bitter heart?
Good to read whether you are dealing with bitterness or with people who are dealing with bitterness.
Good to read whether you are dealing with bitterness or with people who are dealing with bitterness.
March 2, 2025
Never got to the point. And never offered a way. Very disappointing read.
I agree in this review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
I agree in this review: https://www.goodreads.com/review/show...
February 3, 2021
I was looking forward to reading this book. Why? Because the famous root of bitterness in American Evangelicalism is a very easy place to go when things get tough: some of us will go there because we won’t forgive, some of us will accuse others of being there because they won’t stop asking us to explain ourselves or repent. We are called to put off any bitterness. But under the cover of calling someone bitter, much abuse and manipulation has also taken place. People get referred to counseling over bitterness because leaders prefer silence and quiet submission instead of repentance. In short, this book is greatly needed.
Why two stars? Because it does do one thing that is sorely needed: it addressed that bitter circumstances exist in a sinful, broken world. And it did so honestly. That is often not considered in the larger Christian culture. There are bitter circumstances.
The book never defined bitterness. The book took me through a tour of the Scriptures, but some of the work was more tentative or speculative than exegetical. For example, the bitter tears of Esau. In the analysis of Heb 12, it did link it to its Deuteronomy context, but dismissed it very rapidly.
The result of that is that I don’t think this book will be very helpful to someone trapped in bitterness. It is tone deaf. It doesn’t reach in and engage. The language used in the end, specifically in the section “to the Ruths” undoes any kind of progress. It’s accusatory and not very charitable.
I have tried to think through what was the recommendation, and it seemed to be the usual: this is for your good, this is for your training, focus on eternity or else you are bitter.
I pray people will be helped by this resource. But I can picture certain contexts where people will be gifted this book, and it will be hard for them not to feel some degree of insult.
I remain looking for a comprehensive exegesis and application related to bitterness. Unfortunately, though advertised as that, this falls short.
On a stylistic comment, the analogies at a number of places were forced, not entirely related, and did not clear up the points. Bitterness as a cheap cheeseburger, things like that.
This book’s strength is showing us the different types of bitterness. It does that well.
Why two stars? Because it does do one thing that is sorely needed: it addressed that bitter circumstances exist in a sinful, broken world. And it did so honestly. That is often not considered in the larger Christian culture. There are bitter circumstances.
The book never defined bitterness. The book took me through a tour of the Scriptures, but some of the work was more tentative or speculative than exegetical. For example, the bitter tears of Esau. In the analysis of Heb 12, it did link it to its Deuteronomy context, but dismissed it very rapidly.
The result of that is that I don’t think this book will be very helpful to someone trapped in bitterness. It is tone deaf. It doesn’t reach in and engage. The language used in the end, specifically in the section “to the Ruths” undoes any kind of progress. It’s accusatory and not very charitable.
I have tried to think through what was the recommendation, and it seemed to be the usual: this is for your good, this is for your training, focus on eternity or else you are bitter.
I pray people will be helped by this resource. But I can picture certain contexts where people will be gifted this book, and it will be hard for them not to feel some degree of insult.
I remain looking for a comprehensive exegesis and application related to bitterness. Unfortunately, though advertised as that, this falls short.
On a stylistic comment, the analogies at a number of places were forced, not entirely related, and did not clear up the points. Bitterness as a cheap cheeseburger, things like that.
This book’s strength is showing us the different types of bitterness. It does that well.
May 5, 2022
I read this as part of our church's womens Bible Study. The author never defines what bitterness is or a clear way to deal with bitterness. He does give different examples of bitterness in the Bible like Naomi, when David has bitter lament, and Psalm speaking on tears of bitterness. Everyone has bitter circumstances. He talks of having a tongue full of bitterness. He says to have faith and to repent, but never speaks of where that faith will grow and what to do after you repent. He misses the point in Scripture when it tells you to Bring every thought captive and in obedience to Christ. He misses the point of filling your mind and heart with the Word of God, Psalms, Spirtuial Songs and hymns. To root out bitterness you need to replace it with the things of the Lord. We spent 9 months on this book, which was to long to discuss this book. If used in a Bible Study setting I would make it shorter and would help people learn how to truely deal with bitterness.
February 15, 2022
"We speak the way we speak because we think the way we think, because we want what we want, because we believe what we believe."
This quote probably sums up the gist of the whole book. We fall into bitterness because we believe that life owes us better than we have been given, because we feel that we have not been treated right. This kind of a belief system leads to bitterness, Instead, we should look at what God is calling us too. He is calling us to something greater. He is calling us to pursue him and not to settle for what the world is giving.
Steve starts the book by talking about bitter lament and bitter tears and how those things are good. They allow us to grieve the wrong in our lives, but they must never give way to bitter hearts.
"People whose hearts are softened by God's covenant love for them are quick to find ways to show loyal, sacrificial, compassionate love for others."
The last few chapters of the book are taken from the book of Ruth, a case study on Naomia and how she came back to Bethlehem a bitter woman and how the Lord worked in her heart causing her to change from a bitter woman to a matchmaker to a grandma.
I really appreciated this book, I read it at a time I really needed it.
I received this book from Baker Books via NetGalley and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed are my own.
This quote probably sums up the gist of the whole book. We fall into bitterness because we believe that life owes us better than we have been given, because we feel that we have not been treated right. This kind of a belief system leads to bitterness, Instead, we should look at what God is calling us too. He is calling us to something greater. He is calling us to pursue him and not to settle for what the world is giving.
Steve starts the book by talking about bitter lament and bitter tears and how those things are good. They allow us to grieve the wrong in our lives, but they must never give way to bitter hearts.
"People whose hearts are softened by God's covenant love for them are quick to find ways to show loyal, sacrificial, compassionate love for others."
The last few chapters of the book are taken from the book of Ruth, a case study on Naomia and how she came back to Bethlehem a bitter woman and how the Lord worked in her heart causing her to change from a bitter woman to a matchmaker to a grandma.
I really appreciated this book, I read it at a time I really needed it.
I received this book from Baker Books via NetGalley and was not required to write a positive review. All opinions expressed are my own.
September 9, 2021
Full disclosure: I won this book from Goodreads. I am an inactive Christian.
I wasn't expecting such a religion-based or scripture-driven book. However, after the first 2 chapters, I think the book was well-written for its purpose
Who I think is the audience for this book:
-- very active Christians
-- someone wanting to use the power of the Lord to help dealing with the bitterness we find in life
-- I would recommend this for a Christian study group that would work through the book, one chapter a week, giving time for self-analysis and then group discussion
Things I liked about the book:
-- the questions for both self-reflection and group-discussion at the end of each chapter
-- the "Pull over and Park" sections for self-reflection interspersed in the chapters
-- helpful actions one could take: biblical lament ; spiritual candor ; bitter tears etc.
What I didn't like:
-- the first two chapters were choppy and confusing. The third chapter began with a narrative, and at that point drew me in to the book.
-- all the Bible references (but that's because that's not what I expected)
-- Bible verses should have been in italics to make the read easier
I wasn't expecting such a religion-based or scripture-driven book. However, after the first 2 chapters, I think the book was well-written for its purpose
Who I think is the audience for this book:
-- very active Christians
-- someone wanting to use the power of the Lord to help dealing with the bitterness we find in life
-- I would recommend this for a Christian study group that would work through the book, one chapter a week, giving time for self-analysis and then group discussion
Things I liked about the book:
-- the questions for both self-reflection and group-discussion at the end of each chapter
-- the "Pull over and Park" sections for self-reflection interspersed in the chapters
-- helpful actions one could take: biblical lament ; spiritual candor ; bitter tears etc.
What I didn't like:
-- the first two chapters were choppy and confusing. The third chapter began with a narrative, and at that point drew me in to the book.
-- all the Bible references (but that's because that's not what I expected)
-- Bible verses should have been in italics to make the read easier
September 5, 2021
Highly recommend this book. This book was shared at a conference, where it was noted that bitterness is actually a very common underlying theme in a lot of Biblical counseling cases. The book explores the topic in categories where we find bitterness, the place of Biblical lament to God in helping us overcome bitterness, and does a "case study" on Ruth to show how Naomi gradually overcame her bitterness.
I think what stood out to me was a person who doesn't let bitterness define their life, believing the promises of God, and putting themselves in the way to receive God's blessings, contrasted with someone who cultivates bitterness in their heart until it takes root and comes out in their words and behavior. Viars approaches the topic with prayer and grace towards a person in any stage of bitterness and to the person who is dealing with bitter people.
I think what stood out to me was a person who doesn't let bitterness define their life, believing the promises of God, and putting themselves in the way to receive God's blessings, contrasted with someone who cultivates bitterness in their heart until it takes root and comes out in their words and behavior. Viars approaches the topic with prayer and grace towards a person in any stage of bitterness and to the person who is dealing with bitter people.
August 1, 2023
3.5 - While the majority of this book was very practical, biblical, and helpful, I disagreed with his interpretation of Naomi, whose story takes up a large portion of the second half of the book. He describes Naomi as having “courageous faith worthy of the Hebrews hall of faith.” I believe in this story, God blessed Naomi despite her bitterness, which she sinfully clings to, not because of faith. This tends to affect some of his applications and highlights more the idea that faith = blessing (something we do) vs. grace = blessing (something only God can initiate). Certainly there is a synergistic relationship to sanctification and turning from bitterness, but exegetically, I think it is an incorrect interpretation from the life of Naomi.
January 2, 2022
This was truly excellent. I appreciated the reminder that when we are hurt, it is legitimate to mourn, or lament that hurt, and then ultimately we must take the hurt to the Lord for healing. Saying "I need to just get over it". . .well, that doesn't really work.
I also really, really appreciated the contrast between the "birthright" and "the red stuff" as he discussed Esau and was reminded not to focus on "the red stuff"--what I want and immediate gratification--but to keep my eyes on the "birthright" which helps one not to become bitter. Glad to have read this one.
I also really, really appreciated the contrast between the "birthright" and "the red stuff" as he discussed Esau and was reminded not to focus on "the red stuff"--what I want and immediate gratification--but to keep my eyes on the "birthright" which helps one not to become bitter. Glad to have read this one.
November 28, 2025
Very solid biblical book!! 👏🏻
I read it after going through a major hurt from a fellow church member this year. It was filled with good reminders of truths I know and believer, but there wasn’t anything new for me here. I think I’ve just had really solid teaching on this for years in church.
If you’ve never done any studies on bitterness, forgiveness, or anger as a Believer, this would be a GREAT starting point for sure!
I read it after going through a major hurt from a fellow church member this year. It was filled with good reminders of truths I know and believer, but there wasn’t anything new for me here. I think I’ve just had really solid teaching on this for years in church.
If you’ve never done any studies on bitterness, forgiveness, or anger as a Believer, this would be a GREAT starting point for sure!
December 6, 2021
Very helpful book for those people, who like me, tend to respond to life's hurts with bitterness. Wonderful insights from both the life of Esau and Ruth, encouraging us to move forward in the only true path of hope - trusting God's word, God's character, and God's plan for his kingdom through the Gospel. Will read again and spend more time applying more deeply.
January 9, 2024
An excellent book! We all experience hurt and we all experience bitterness either in ourselves and/or in others. This book really does help one move from overwhelming hurt to real hope; the hope that is found in relationship with our good and merciful God. Hope that is found in relationship with the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit and in relationship with His people.
January 17, 2024
Look. I wanted this to be good and helpful. But I felt like it was very basic. I kept listening hoping we'd get go the part that was going go be helpful but in the end there were only a couple lines I felt were new and there was nothing that felt revolutionary. Maybe there's someone this would be helpful for, but it's a no from me.
December 29, 2024
This book does a great job of breaking down bitterness and how that can affect our hearts and words. It does a great job of breaking down potential sources of where bitterness and hurt comes from. Giving wonderful scripture references of how to overcome that hurt. Has questions and scripture to ponder on throughout each chapter. Can seem a bit repetitive but overall good read.
August 13, 2023
Excellent book on the topic! Very helpful to understand the difference between bitter circumstances and bitter responses. Also, good discussion/application questions at the end of each chapter. (I listened to the audiobook.)
January 21, 2024
This book does a great job at looking at the topic of bitterness by evaluating Esau and Naomi in the Bible. The author has some great spots for you to sit and reflect on yourself and then some group questions at the end. This is a great resource for a study on bitterness.
September 22, 2024
Lots of good, practical steps to address bitterness. It makes you consider the beliefs, desires, thoughts, words, & behaviors that erupted to get a bitter person to that place. It’s not just a “behavior fix”…it gets to the root of the issue if you’re willing to do the work.
July 15, 2025
This book cut deep and really was convicting. It really took the time to break down bitterness and start at the beginning with bitter circumstances. Really loved how he used the story of Ruth to illustrate hope for real change.
May 1, 2023
Full of practical, biblical wisdom for handling hard situations in a way that brings God’s blessing … Viars is so sincere and relatable, I want to read more from him.
November 17, 2024
For me, the book was good but not great as I thought it was repetitive.
June 24, 2025
Excellent!
October 4, 2024
Some good takeaways that helped me were:
Bitterness is not a reaction but a reality, and you must face it well.
It will do you good to be honest about the bitter happenings in this world. And it’s at that time that you can taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8).
Understanding the pain from bitterness should impact how you treat others – don’t make jokes at other’s expense, be careful how you respond, etc.
Your bitter circumstances and experiences can make your relationship with the Lord fuller and richer.
Which of the wrongful extremes do you fall into when it comes to bitter circumstances: complaining or suffering in silence?
Blame shifting is as old as the garden of Eden, but Jesus reminds us that we should remove the beam from our own eye before looking at another (Matthew 7:3-5).
Bitter tears can move you to greater depth in your relationship with God, and motivate you to remember that only your future will be fully satisfying.
Esau had to decide between immediate gratification or God’s eternal purpose, and later he cried bitter tears. But Jacob didn’t take his birthright, Esau sold it.
People do not become bitter when things go their way. It’s when disappointments in life come that you’re tested to either see things through God‘s point of view or your own.
The Bible principle is to put off and put on — put off thoughts, behaviors, patterns, and cravings that are you-focused and put on what is God-focused.
The one word that explained Naomi was “bitterness.” What would be the one word that would explain who you are?
Naomi’s bitterness caused her to lie — she said she left full (not true since they left Israel because of a famine) and now was empty (though God had provided for her even in her bitterness). Bitterness causes one to lie and exaggerate.
Bitterness is not a reaction but a reality, and you must face it well.
It will do you good to be honest about the bitter happenings in this world. And it’s at that time that you can taste and see that the Lord is good (Psalm 34:8).
Understanding the pain from bitterness should impact how you treat others – don’t make jokes at other’s expense, be careful how you respond, etc.
Your bitter circumstances and experiences can make your relationship with the Lord fuller and richer.
Which of the wrongful extremes do you fall into when it comes to bitter circumstances: complaining or suffering in silence?
Blame shifting is as old as the garden of Eden, but Jesus reminds us that we should remove the beam from our own eye before looking at another (Matthew 7:3-5).
Bitter tears can move you to greater depth in your relationship with God, and motivate you to remember that only your future will be fully satisfying.
Esau had to decide between immediate gratification or God’s eternal purpose, and later he cried bitter tears. But Jacob didn’t take his birthright, Esau sold it.
People do not become bitter when things go their way. It’s when disappointments in life come that you’re tested to either see things through God‘s point of view or your own.
The Bible principle is to put off and put on — put off thoughts, behaviors, patterns, and cravings that are you-focused and put on what is God-focused.
The one word that explained Naomi was “bitterness.” What would be the one word that would explain who you are?
Naomi’s bitterness caused her to lie — she said she left full (not true since they left Israel because of a famine) and now was empty (though God had provided for her even in her bitterness). Bitterness causes one to lie and exaggerate.
July 4, 2023
This is well written and addresses an important problem we all deal with to one extent or another.
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