Where Prayer Becomes Real: How Honesty with God Transforms Your Soul

by Kyle Strobel, John Coe

If we're honest, most of us feel bored, distracted, or discouraged in prayer. We look for resources to give us the "right" words or teach us the "right" technique and are disappointed when they don't seem to help. What we fail to realize is that prayer isn't a place for us to be good or right, and it isn't a place for us to perform or prove our worth. It's a place for us to be honest, present, and known--a place for us to offer ourselves and receive God.

Spiritual formation experts Kyle Strobel and John Coe want to show you what you've been missing when it comes to prayer. In this down-to-earth book, they show you how to fearlessly draw near to a holy God, pray without ceasing (and without posturing), and delight in the experience of being fully known and fully loved. Each chapter ends with prayer projects or practices to help you see a difference in your prayer life, starting now.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Faith, Prayer, Theology, Christianity, Christian Living

224 pages, Paperback

First published March 2, 2021

About the author

Kyle Strobel is a husband, father, friend, theologian, writer, speaker, and practitioner of spiritual formation. He is a Jonathan Edwards scholar, and seeks to bridge the gap between the scholarly world and the life of the church.

Kyle is the co-author of Where Prayer Becomes Real: How Honesty with God Transforms Your Soul, The Way of the Dragon or the Way of the Lamb: Searching for Jesus' Path of Power in a Church that has Abandoned It,Beloved Dust: Drawing Close to God by Discovering the Truth About Yourself , and is the author of Formed for the Glory of God: Learning from the Spiritual Practices of Jonathan Edwards.

You can find Kyle at Twitter.com/KyleStrobel; Facebook.com/KyleCStrobel

Reviews

[Carmen Imes · Rating 5 out of 5]

An excellent primer on prayer -- honest, practical, daring, cahllenging. If you want to take your prayer life to the next level, this is a wonderful guide. It would also work well for a small group or for a class on prayer or spiritual formation.

[David J. Harris · Rating 5 out of 5]

For many Christians, prayer has become a performance in front of God rather than speaking to God. This book provides the necessary rewiring for such a distortion, and shows the importance of praying with honesty. Prayer is not a place to appear good for God: it is a place to enter honesty with him. An incredible book.

[Samuel G. Parkison · Rating 5 out of 5]

There were a few statements I quibble with that seem to sit in tension with divine impassibility, but this is one of the most impactful books. I’ve read in years. Deeply convicting, instructive, and enriching.

[Austenn Akers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Game changer.

[rach⭐️⭐️ · Rating 5 out of 5]

how did i even pray before reading this book?? this book seriously has changed my prayer life. i took my time reading this book because at the end of each chapter it had a practice section to try & apply what you read to your prayer life which i found really sweet. if you read this book i recommend sitting & soaking in the content and applying it to your life before continuing. i highly highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone. an easy ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️

this book is broken up into two part. the first part is an overview on the nature of prayer & how we have been praying. the second part of this book offers practical forms of prayer. it gives you 5 different types of praying to incorporate into your daily life to 1) refresh your prayer life & 2)to create a deeper & HONEST prayer life (God already knows what you’re thinking about so just pray about it). the 5 different forms of prayer are praying the psalms, prayers of intention, prayers of recollection, prayers of examine, and prayers of intercession. going to start slowly adding these prayer practices into my life & i am super excited to grow in relation with the Lord. definitely want to read more books from these authors✨

[Amanda Jakana · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really beautiful and practical book on prayer. I think this is needs to be yearly read for me.

[Ryan Rench · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really wanted to give it 5 stars, and wanted to love it, but I think I expected too much from it. Some books resonate with me while others do not. I think I learn more from biographies on prayer from great men who were known for their prayers rather than more modern teaching on prayer. This was still good, but not really earth-shattering for me.

[Lisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderfully helpful and practical and encouraging book. I will be rereading this and continuing to use many parts of this as a guide. Such an excellent emphasis on being honest before God. Definitely recommend

[Cam Lippert · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is the reason I’m starting counseling now LOL. Learned a lot about how I’m dishonest with God and myself when it comes to pain + hard emotions. The only thing is that I find myself over complicating prayer a little bit now. Which was the opposite intention of the book. Buttt it teaches such good practices for sitting with the Lord in honesty to Him!

[Cassie Webb · Rating 5 out of 5]

a very relaxing listen- sometime christian books can be super heavy and i feel like this one wasnt (in a good way). i also heard a random man listening to this out loud at walmart at the same time i was listening to in on my car rides

[Jamie Bates · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fantastic! I highly recommend this book for every believer, regardless of how you would rate your prayer life. Whether you would rate it as non-existent or prayer warrior highly in-tuned with the Spirit... this book will revolutionize your prayer life.
I signed up to review this book in advance of it's release and am so glad I did!
As I read through the book I found myself rereading each chapter because it was so full of truth.
Like any book, you get out of it what you're willing to put into it. So purchase the book, grab a friend (you'll want to share what you're learning with someone!), and take the time to work through the book.
I wake up in the morning excited to pray! When I find a moment through the day, spare time in the car waiting for my kids to get out of school, I get excited to pray. There is no routine obligation or "should's" - instead it's a thrilling "I get to pray!!!"

[Tracy · Rating 4 out of 5]

*4.5 Stars*

"For a good portion of our Christian lives prayer did not make much sense. But that wasn't our main problem, Our problem was that we weren't being honest about it."
This books leads us into honest prayer with God. Starting where you are currently, not where you think you should be. The emphasis is on being honest with God. Not trying to be who you should be but who you truly are. Bringing your true distractions, worries and anger to God, and working through that first. So that you are able to have a real relationship with God. It then leads you into praying for others and the world around us with practical strategies.

Thanks to Netgalley for digital copy of this book, in exchange for an honest review.

[Mike Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel that the most helpful books introduce a paradigm shift into my thinking—this book certainly did that. While many books exhort us about the power of prayer, the discipline of prayer, or the structure of prayer, these authors introduced me to dive deeper into a prayer life that was more honest before God. Using scripture, they show that we are called to bring our unvarnished struggles and thoughts to God, allowing His presence in prayer to shape them. Highly recommend.

[Misael Galdámez · Rating 4 out of 5]

A pretty good book on prayer. I found the first section which breaks down common struggles, misconceptions, and perceptions about prayer extremely helpful. The reflections that have stuck the most with me are: to be brutally honest with God and bring all of our pain/sorrow to him so we can be healed and that distractions can reveal the concerns and cares of our hearts. I also enjoyed the chapter on intercessory prayer.

Having said that, I found the second half of the book a bit repetitive and didactic. By the third or fourth form of prayer section, I started to get the picture. The book also suffers from being a bit too evangelical. I first felt that when reading the section on the Lord's prayer, which was described as commands, but I think is better understood as a liturgy that forms us and gives shape to our heart as we pray it.

"Where Prayer Becomes Real" would be served by engaging with historic forms of prayer (like the daily offices or the hours) and thinking through how those prayers form us and help us encounter God. For example, praying through the BCP's Morning Office allows us to 1) pray prayers of examine, 2) pray the Lord's prayer, 3) pray the Psalms, and 4) pray intercessory prayers. I (respectfully) feel like it is a very evangelical thing to re-invent the prayer wheel. :)

All in all, a good book that I'm grateful to have read.

[Maya · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such an excellent book on prayer! The first haft was very much along the lines of Paul E. Miller's A Praying Life, talking about prayer being a heart attitude, and not a collection of sentences we say. The second half contains a guide to how to practice everything discussed in the first half. This includes examples from the authors as well. In addition to these, the authors also encourage the reader to pause at the end of each chapter and they lead the reader through a time of prayer that relates to the topic of the chapter.

This book is extremely well structured, balanced, and would be helpful to anyone, regardless of whether they struggle with prayer to the point of not doing it, are experiencing the joy of prayer already, or anyone in between!

[Allison · Rating 5 out of 5]

Last year, I went through a phase of studying prayer for a solid month and it continued on thereafter. I was always stuck with this unsettling feeling that I was “doing it wrong” or not praying well enough. I was convincing myself that God wasn’t listening to me because I wasn’t eloquent enough in my prayers and I didn’t always approach him in fear and reverence with the magnitude I believed I needed to.

This book just changed everything I thought I knew. Kyle and John, in this book, make prayer something tangible, adaptable, and reachable. Prayer doesn’t have to be some far-off thing that only the holiest among us can do effectively. It’s going to God, through the Son, with the Holy Spirit. Our triune God wants nothing more than to hear from us and it doesn’t have to be an ordeal to approach Him with our wants, needs, petitions, and intercessions. I’ll carry the lessons and prayer methods I learned here throughout my journey in my Christian walk. 🤍

[Julia Volpi · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 stars. A SLOW read (really wanted to take it all in & apply the principles!) but so so so life changing for me. 🤎

[Morgan Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve read…ever.

[Bruno Morato · Rating 5 out of 5]

Transformational.

[Erika Edwards · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️ took forever to finish this one. Could be summed up in making prayer less performative and more honest & transparent.

[Rob · Rating 5 out of 5]

There is so much I could say about this book from Kyle and John, but I will begin by saying it is simply the best, most honest, most realistic, and practical book on prayer that I have read. I would go so far as to say that it is a "must-read" with all that implies.

Having read many books on prayer, what makes this work so distinct and so helpful is how honestly it deals with us...who are we are in prayer and our temptations to hide, or perform, or be "good" in prayer. Kyle and John help us see that the very things we don't want to share in prayer are the very things we must share in prayer.

If you follow the wisdom the book provides, you will not only strengthen your prayer life, you will end up knowing more about yourself and God. Reality, truth, openness, and presence to both self and God are explored with depth and wisdom.

Each chapter has a practical exercise attached to it. This isn't a book of theory and theology alone. It is immediately practical and helpful.

Get real...get this book!

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

In Kyle Strobel and John Coe's new book, Where Prayer Becomes Real, the reader is given the gift of a new and powerful prayer life. What a gift that is. All who are called to communicate with God through prayer will be rewarded by the scripture, prayers and words in the book, while those wanting to build a better prayer life, will be challenged and encouraged throughout. Diving more deeply into a life of prayer and into conversations with God has always been a goal of mine, and this book was a welcome tool to help me reach this goal. Some of the practices that the writers share will become pillars in my prayer journey. Thank you.

[Jonathan Mills · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was my second time through Where Prayer Becomes Real. This time I led my Small Group through it which presented unique challenges I did not feel when it hit me the first time in the rawness of seminary. But still, this is one of the best books on prayer I have read. Seek the struggle of true honesty with God at all costs, because only through that can we be transformed.

[Jason Frasca · Rating 5 out of 5]

“If you want a boring prayer life, spend it trying to be good in prayer rather than being honest.”

“even though you don’t know how to pray as you ought, God knows and understands.”

“Prayer is not a place to be good,” he told me. “It is a place to be honest.”

These quotations seem to sum up this powerful read well. Kyle Strobel comes back to the basics of prayer, its origins, its intention and methods, demonstrating how much of the current Christian faith has diverged from the original purpose. Kyle does a great job sharing his own history and vulnerabilities, and using Biblical references to show how we have shifted to prayer being “transactional”, if I ask for the right thing the right way, I should get it. He uses the term “Pharisaic temptation” to reference out temptation to share with Lord how “faithful” we have been or “productive” in faith, when this truly is not the purpose of prayer, referencing ths story of the Pharisee and tax collector.

This book is well written in a way that makes it actionable to readers, It helps readers be present in prayer, not performing, be known not right, and work towards being honest among our thoughts, fears and emotions, rather than trying to “do it right”, and in essence, manipulating God.

I highly recommend this read. I read this piggybacking on “Simple Prayer” by Charlie Dawes, and felt they had similar goals and content, and truly synergized each other. I highly recommend both reads.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Our journey on growing a deeper prayer life began in the spring of 2020 with a sermon given by Robby Gallaty, pastor of Long Hollow Baptist Church in Nashville, Tennessee. He challenged us to, “not be asleep in the garden,” and to pray for an hour each morning during Lent. We have consistently maintained a dedicated morning prayer time since that Lenten season, not that this is our only time of prayer, but it is definitely the most focused. Over this past year God has indeed grown our prayer life. The most recent resource He has placed in our hands is Where Prayer Becomes Real by Kyle Strobel and John Coe. It is a very practical book, providing guided practice in ways to approach our Father God with honesty and transparency, to be real with God and have authentic communication with Him. Whether you are new to prayer or a veteran looking for a fresh wind in your prayer life, this book will be a great addition to your prayer closet.

I am grateful to have received a complimentary copy of Where Prayer Becomes Real from Baker Book via NetGalley without obligation. All opinions expressed here are my own.

[Michelle Kidwell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where Prayer Becomes Real
How Honesty with God Transforms Your Soul
by Kyle Strobel; John Coe
Baker Publishing Group
Baker Books
Christian
Pub Date 02 Mar 2021


I am reviewing a copy of Where Prayer Becomes Real through Baker Books and Netgalley:







In Where Prayer Becomes Real We are Reminded that like in all journeys, we have to start where we are in our journey of prayer. We are reminded too that our prayers do not need to be like everyone else’s to be effective, in fact we need to let go of the idea that there is one way to pray for everyone and instead we need to pray from our hearts!



We are reminded too that as Christians we have been adopted into God’s life! And we are reminded that we can allow the good news shape our prayers by taking a chance that they will come true.


Where Prayer Becomes Real reminds us too that God can handle our emotions!


It is pointed out too that we need to have humility in our prayers. The importance of presenting ourselves to God is brought up too!



If you are looking for a powerful book on prayer, that is easily read and understood I recommend Where Prayer Becomes Real!


Five out of five stars!


Happy Reading!

[Joel Wentz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Let me first say that this is the type of book I would typically avoid picking up (admittedly this is a snap-judgment based on the size, the title and topic). In my experience, books like this tend more towards self-helf-pop-theology than I would prefer, but that is definitely NOT the case with this one! This is an extremely thoughtful, well-written primer on prayer that effectively dismantles many of the barriers to a healthy prayer life that are frequently constructed in popular evangelical practice. If you grew up in that setting and struggle with healthy rhythms and practices of prayer, then this will be quite helpful for you.

One more note: this is best read slowly and with an intention to pray as part of the act of reading. It's written in a style that lends itself towards pausing and entering prayer at pretty much any point, so I do not recommend blitzing through it (which is what I typically do!). But for those who are in the broadly-evangelical culture and earnestly looking to strengthen their prayer life, then this is an easy and high recommendation.

[Peggy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have books on prayer that I love. They have helped me grow and challenged me to pray big. This simple book revealed the walls I have in prayer. It cuts to the heart of the matter and holds up a mirror to what my prayers are, attempts to please God or to get God to do something I want. In reality prayer is intimate communication. It is a safe place to be real with God and to hear His heart. This book helps the reader identify those spaces that need to be de-cluttered so God can fill that space with His presence. This is a book that is full of honest assessments of our hearts but also hopeful ways to practice praying more authentically. I highly recommend this book for anyone who wants to open up their prayer life and allow it to become a deeper more authentic communion with God. He is waiting for us to be real. He sees and knows already the real things that weigh us down and is more than willing and able to go there with us.

[Wes Van Fleet · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great book walking it’s readers hand in hand to the God we pray to. Strobel and Coe are helpfully honest in a way that shows we are not alone in our struggles to pray. Whether it’s distraction, discouragement, or idolatry, these helpful words give us a way forward in bringing our real selves into the presence of the real God.

I especially loved the purposeful exercises at the end of each chapter. Rather than moving on to the next chapter, I was able to slow down and put these helpful ways forward into practice. I think the mastery of this book is that all those quiet voices of guilt that keep us from enjoying communion with God are not voices limited to the individual. With Strobel and Coe’s help, we can pray the Psalms and the Lord’s Prayer as a way to reignite and kindle communion with our Triune God.

[Sarah Poling · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prayer is a challenge for many believers, myself included. But this book caught my eye, when I read Ann Voskamp's words on her blog, "If you have ever longed for the practice of your faith to include an authentic, intimate prayer life or if you have longed for your life to become prayer, I highly recommend their words. . ." and "Kyle and John’s new book Where Prayer Becomes Real show you how to fearlessly draw near to a holy God, pray without ceasing (and without posturing), and delight in the experience of being fully known and fully loved. Each chapter ends with prayer projects or practices to help you see a difference in your prayer life, starting now."

I completely agree- this book is a marvelous tool to support your prayer life. It is challenging but so necessary.

Thankful to partner with netgalley and read a digital copy.