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240 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 29, 2020
And though Anna found Tommy’s spontaneous gesture undignified, even an affront to their mother’s dignity, somehow, with Francie’s wink and Tommy’s embrace it felt that they had been made complicit in their mother’s old age and her body’s collapse, as if the hydrocephalus and the cancer and now the haemorrhage and all her mother’s woes had also become theirs.
Anna felt not pity but revulsion bordering on a strange fear.
As Anna listened to the doctors talk of various new tests, medicines changing in quantity and type, the alteration of certain nursing regimes, it was as if Francie’s body, now little more than skin clutching the sticks of her bones, was not that of a frail old animal but an intricate twenty-first-century machine that could be kept working with the body’s technicians and engineers ceaselessly oiling, replacing, lubricating and fuelling its various mechanical parts.
She scrolled past medieval tableaux of muted humanity on beaches in the ochre wash of an inferno. Caravaggio Brueghel Bosch it seems to have happened a very long time ago it’s happening today is it the terracotta that lights everything now? You ask people when the fire hit, someone says somewhere, but they can’t remember they don’t know what day it is. Days months years blur. Light blurs words slide her phone beeped with a message. Anna couldn’t bear to read it she couldn’t bear to think. Shoes dresses kitchenware.
Anna looked at her phone – a waterfall of faces that were not in her life, friends, workmates, celebrities, an ex-boyfriend …. all falling, so many meaningless droplets briefly lit before going dark before returning remarried, single, partnered, ever triumphal, while half of Greenland’s surface ice melted, France had its hottest day on record, a tiny Australian marsupial rat was the first species to e wiped out by climate change and the last Sumatran rhinoceros died
The more things changed the harder people stared into their screens, living elsewhere, the real worlds now no more than a simulacrum of the screen world, their real lives the shadow of their online lives. The more people vanished the more they asserted themselves online as if in some grotesque equation or transfer.
She wished to once more observe the world not as people said it was, but as it is. She wanted to be attentive to this is, not panicked by what wasn’t. She needed to precisely know the world as it presented itself to her. And if it revealed a bruised, damaged universe, still perhaps there would be in the very wound some hope.
“For Terzo it was simple—and she understood now why that was. To every problem of their mother’s weakening flesh was their infinitely stronger cruelty. Once you accepted its necessity, it was unstoppable and impossible to defeat. She felt almost giddy with the sheer power of their cruelty. Buy in the help they needed using Francie’s money—and to what better use could it be put?”
“Anna and Terzo both had what people call comforts: a little money, a little power. By the standards of the real rich, pitiful; by the metrics of the truly powerful, negligible, even laughable. But still: money and power. And they were accustomed to acting on the world and not allowing the world to act on them.”
“Tommy stutters. I mean, is translating experience into words an achievement at all? Or is it just the cause of all our unhappiness? Is it our tragedy and our ongoing conceit? The world gets carried away with words, phrases, and elaborate paragraphs. One word leads to another and soon enough you have affairs, wars, genocide and the Anthropocene. Silence, according to Tommy when in his cups, is the only place where truth can be found.”
The catalyst for this book came from one of my daughters and a story she told me from her workplace. She works in a hospital, and there was an old man who had been admitted, who was dying and ready to die. But his family were wealthy and privileged and powerful. And they wouldn’t allow it. And somehow it offended them.
Francie was talking to Anna about the plain of fires beyond the window when Terzo arrived. Almost immediately he was irritated and began arguing with Francie, telling her that her dreams were not to be taken seriously, that they were vile delusions brought on by her meds, and that she should stop talking about them as if they were the truth. It wasn’t enough for Terzo that their mother had not died. It wasn’t enough that she lived in her sea of waking dreams. In Terzo’s view, she had to live like us, rationally, in a rational universe. And as there was to be no death, nor could there be any other life.
The smoke had turned the air a tobacco brown, the blinding brilliance of the island’s blue skies glimpsed only when the winds blew a small hole in the pall that sat over much of the island. The smoke never seemed to lift and on the worst days reduced everyone’s horizon to a few hundred yards and enclosed the world in a way that felt claustrophobic. The sun stumbled into each day a guilty party, a violent red ball, indistinct in outline, shuddering through the haze as if hungover, while in the ochry light smoke smothered every street and the smoke filled every room, the smoke sullied every drink and every meal; the acrid, tarry, sulphurous smoke that burnt the back of every throat and filled every mouth and nose blocking out the warm gentle smells of summer. It was like living with a chronically sick smoker except the smoker was the world and everyone was trapped in its fouled and collapsing lungs.
For so long they had been searching, liking, friending and commenting, emojiing and cancelling, unfriending and swiping and scrolling again, thinking they were no more than writing and rewriting their own worlds, while, all the time — sensation by sensation, emotion by emotion, thought by thought, fear on fear, untruth on untruth, feeling by feeling — they were themselves being slowly rewritten into a wholly new kind of human being. How could they have known that they were being erased from the beginning?

Shouldn't stories work towards something that we can't get anywhere else? he said. It wouldn't be enough, sure. But maybe it would be something. (p.144)