After 6 months, I finally took the plunge and picked up this book. fast came out June 2020. In June 2020 I was a mental and emotional mess. From adjusting to the constant fear of getting COVID, isolation from friends and family, continuous open season on Black and Brown bodies at the hands of the police even in the midst of a pandemic...Because of a few of my own personal traumas, even without all of that going on at the time, this book would have been triggering for me. So as excited as I was that Millie was releasing another book, when I saw that it had a HARD trigger warning, I knew I absolutely could not read it yet. And it took me 6 months of healing and building up of my mental fortitude to finally get to a place where I could pick it up. And GODDAMN it the wait was worth it.
I have SO many feelings. I'm not going to lie, 50% of this book was torture for me to read. Witnessing the kind of trauma that 8-year-old Caprice endured, from her innocent little perspective, through her very eyes, and in her own voice. And then witnessing her doubt and blame herself...talk about GUTTED. But then to see her cope, survive, and find the strength to fight for herself with the help of and love from her best friend Shaun. Watching their entire journey together was terrifying, infuriating, demoralizing, and at times hopeless, but it was also inspiring, endearing, funny, and exhilarating. Especially after the 50% mark when I was able to read without feeling like I was going to have a heart attack.
As painful as it was to read at times, I loved getting to see Shaun and Caprice's friendship and love for each other develop, grow, fracture, and then flourish over the course of 20 years. The way Millie is able to write and depict what feels like such a love-filled and intimate relationship between two characters, with barely any scenes of them actually being intimate... it's exactly the type of feels I CRAVE. That real, raw, and authentic relationship development between two characters that just permeates off the page and makes you root for them, that makes you want them to win, that makes you sad when they're sad, hurt when they're hurt, and happy when they're happy. I just wanted them to WIN. They both went through so much, I just wanted them to find happiness.
There's really so much I want to say, but this is one of those books that I really believe that the less you know going into it, the more you'll enjoy it so I don't want to say too much. But what I do want to make sure comes across in this review, is that this book is amazing. Millie makes it a point to emphasize that thankfully the events in this book aren't based on any real person's life. But you can tell that she really did her research and put care into writing this book. You feel every feeling, emotion, fear, triumph, and doubt the characters feel.
The way these characters are written and the story is woven together, made it feel like I wasn't reading a book but like I was actually witnessing the events on the page, in person. I was uncomfortable and scared right along with Caprice. I felt protective and enraged right along with Shaun. I deadass wanted to FIGHT while I was reading this book. And I also wanted to cry, scream, cheer, and celebrate. ALL OF THE THINGS. This book made me feel all of the things. And while it took me a while to get to a point where I could read this story and actually enjoy it, just like with the other books that Millie has blessed us with, fast is a masterpiece and is without a doubt, being added to my list of all-time favorites.
I say all of that to say...read the trigger warnings, take care of your mental before picking up this book, but definitely pick up the book.