Share Your Stuff. I'll Go First: 10 Questions to Take Your Friendships to the Next Level

by Laura Tremaine

Part memoir and part guidebook, Share Your Stuff. I'll Go First. is the invitation you've been waiting for to show up with your whole self and discover the intimate, meaningful friendships you long for.

In spite of the hyper-connected culture we live in today, women still feel shamed for oversharing and being publicly vulnerable. And no matter how many friends we seem to have, many of us are still desperately lonely.

Laura Tremaine, blogger and podcaster behind 10 Things To Tell You , says it's time for something better. Openness and vulnerability are the foundation for human growth and healthy relationships, and it all starts when we share our stuff, the nitty-gritty daily details about ourselves with others. Laura has led the way in her personal life with her popular blog and podcast, and now with lighthearted self-awareness, a sensitivity to the important things in life, and compelling storytelling, Laura gives you the tools to build and deepen the conversations happening in your life.

Laura's stories about her childhood, her complicated shifts in faith and friendships, and her marriage to a Hollywood movie director will prompt you to identify the beautiful narrative and pivotal milestones of your own life. Each chapter offers intriguing and reflective questions that will reveal unique details and stories you've never thought to tell and will guide you into cultivating the authentic connection with others that only comes from sharing yourself.

So let’s get started! Share Your Stuff. I'll Go First.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Audiobook, Self Help, Book Club, Friendship, Relationships

224 pages, Hardcover

First published February 2, 2021

Reviews

[JanB · Rating 3 out of 5]

Over one year into the pandemic, we are in a time when we are all yearning to connect with our friends face-to-face. I don’t agree with the author’s assertion there is shaming for oversharing on social media. I think there is way too much oversharing and it’s usually encouraged, but I am all for connecting with friends on a deep level.

In an age of social media and hundreds of “friends”, many people long to connect in a personal way. I, for one, dislike small talk and cocktail parties (remember those? Yeah, I don't miss them either), but enjoy small groups and one-on-one conversations on subjects that matter.

I should add that I have met some of my dearest friends online and we have connected on a deeper level, so this is not an indictment of social media.

This book asks the questions, and urges readers to dig deep and be introspective. These sections would be an excellent springboard for journaling, if that’s your thing (it’s not mine). And then we have the ‘I’ll Go First’ part of the title. I found this book to be mostly memoir, not my favorite genre. While the author is no doubt a delightful, relatable person I don’t think her life warrants a memoir quite yet.

So, a mixed bag for me.

*I received a digital copy of the book via Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

[Anne Bogel · Rating 5 out of 5]

What fun to read this early and offer words of endorsement!

Here's what I said: "Wise, warm, and relatable, this is the perfect read for anyone interested in exploring how to use their words to deepen their relationships."

I'm so glad this is out in the world now so you can read it: I read it SO FAST because I wanted to read the story of it, but the themes and questions have stuck with me for months now.

[Liz Hein · Rating 5 out of 5]

If you know me in real life, you know I twirl my hair, sometimes to the point of pulling it out. It’s a terrible habit steeped in anxiety. I’ve tried to stop, but it’s also become a soothing habit. Imagine my shock when the opening lines of Share Your Stuff describe the exact same compulsion. Laura and I are also both enneagram 1s, so to say this book made me feel seen would be an understatement.

The fact that I even put that on the internet shows this book had an impact on me. It’s all about deepening your relationships through true vulnerability. There are 10 questions to ask and answer with your friends, and Laura goes first. Sharing about her life- the good and the bad. I couldn’t tear myself away from this book. While Laura and I are very alike, we are also very different, and I enjoyed the book all the more for it.

This is obviously a very personal review, I’m not sure how this book will work for every reader, but for me it was one I won’t forget and will be urging loved ones to read so we can discuss.

[Ann Gemmel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Given the topic of fostering deeper friendship connections, as well as some early reviews, I was very optimistic about this book. Laura Tremaine is a self professed “mommy blogger” and I appreciate her intentions and motivations to cultivate connection in what is an increasing ‘disconnected’ world. I do think her chapter titles are good and her suggested questions pertaining to areas of connection in friendship are of value. . However, overall it seemed I was reading someone’s journal. It seemed more of a string of connected blog posts versus a thoughtful exploration of building, cultivating and maintaining lifegiving friendships. This book just really did not work for me. I am grateful to net galley for a complimentary copy to read and provide an honest review of this book.

[Basic B's Guide · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is like sitting with a very close friend with a glass or two of wine and skipping the surface level convos and diving deep. Laura inspires me to dive deep within myself and to keep sharing. Forging these kind of next level relationships are important to me and I refuse to give up.

I think this would have worked well as a workbook. Im going to search out a journal and circle back to each of the chapters questions.

[Sandi · Rating 2 out of 5]

Often my rating will include how I felt about the book. . . what my experience was in reading it, and this one just pushed too many buttons!! I'm actually kind of surprised that Zondervan published this book. The author, in describing her experiences, equated God with "the universe." She tended to get her guidance from other people's feelings (e.g. her brother's words to her) and intuitions (the lady at the party who insisted Laura would have a boy and a girl) rather than the Bible.

For someone who seems so bent on ridding herself of conservative values stating that she did not want to be one to conform, during her college years she joins a sorority where they all act and dress the same! She is also grieved over witnessing poverty on her trip to Sri Lanka stating how unfair it is, and then in a later chapter tells us about her second house on the lake.

I also felt her candor was too open for me. I realize this is a personal thing, but I did not enjoy hearing about her sexual experiences and loss of virginity (which she seemed to be proud of as a single woman).

In listing the most influential books in her life, the Bible didn't make the cut. And finally towards the end where she lists her beliefs, God ranks below a good bright lipstick. That pretty well sums it up for me!

[Leigh Kramer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been waiting years for this book! Eleven years ago, I happened across Laura’s blog Hollywood Housewife. I had just moved to Nashville and had a few weeks between the move and starting my new job. My internet hadn’t been installed yet and I was over at my best friend’s house, taking advantage of their wifi. And since I was new to town and had time on my hands, I read the entirety of Laura’s archives. I was transfixed. Laura was and is an incredible storyteller. In the years since, we became blog friends and then real life friends. This is the book she was meant to write.

I love books about friendship and how to deepen relationships. Each chapter is centered on a question, one you can reflect on and then take to your friends. They’re big questions but as the title says, Laura goes first. She models what that looks like, giving a few different answers/stories for each question, and this helps in considering your own answers. The task then is to take your reflections to trusted friends and see how going first helps you feel less alone. This would be great for a book club or buddy read.

I was really impressed with Laura’s vulnerability. (Note: she shares about her life-long anxiety in a few different stories. I think they should be easy to identify should this prove to be triggering and you could just skip to the next section.) Some of the stories were new to me and I think this illustrates the importance of this book’s message. Whether new friends or old, there’s always a chance to go deeper and learn more. I’m biased because of Laura’s friendship but this really did give me a lot to think about in terms of how I would answer the questions, the state of my own relationships, and what I want going forward, especially since I moved back to my hometown this past year.

Disclosure: I received a free copy from the author, who is my dear friend. I’m not mentioned by name in the book but the story of our friendship is in there.

[Renee (itsbooktalk) · Rating 4 out of 5]

Laura Tremaine has written a thought provoking book that asks us to reflect on 10 questions with the hope that we will take some or all to our friends, family, partners etc and build connections or strengthen existing ones through meaningful conversations.

Her writing is bold, genuine, heartfelt and engaging- the conversational tone she created felt as if I was chatting with her over a glass of wine. As an introvert and analyzer of all things, I love listening to others share their thoughts and experiences but this isn’t something I regularly do. And other than books and my pets I don’t share much online at all. This book has made me reflect on that. I’m grateful to Laura for encouraging me to answer the 10 questions and for going first of course:)

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this wonderful book. So much to unpack and a great encouragement and guide to help you deepen your friendships. This would be the perfect book club book and gift. I can’t wait to read Laura’s next book!

[Bishoy Beshay · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely love this book. I discovered it through Jenna Fischer's Instagram and after finally getting around to reading it I can say that it is just amazing and I would definitely love to re-read it in the future with a loved one. Thank you Laura for sharing your stuff, even the most sensitive of stuff which I'm sure wasn't easy and I hope you keep on writing more awesome books.

[Claire · Rating 3 out of 5]

I can do small talk—but I'm not content with that for long. I long for deeper friendships and conversations about things that matter. (Really, who doesn't?) Sometimes moving from acquaintance to friend just comes naturally. But sometimes it's scary to move beyond small talk, and sometimes it's hard to know what questions to ask. I was intrigued by Laura Tremaine's #10thingstotellyou prompts on Instagram a couple of years ago, so when I heard that she was releasing a book along the same lines, I knew I wanted to check it out.

Different than her #10thingstotellyou prompts, Laura's 10 questions are as follows:
1. Who Are You?
2. Who Was There?
3. What Are You Afraid Of?
4. What Were Your Pivotal Decisions?
5. Who Taught You How to Be?
6. When Did You Belong?
7. When Did It Change?
8. What Broke You?
9. Where Are Your Magical Moments?
10. What Do You Believe?

Laura answers each question for herself, sharing stories from her past that range from funny to scary to life-changing. The questions are good, and her stories are interesting (though it's obvious we have different values), but there wasn't much practical advice for how to actually bring these questions up, and there wasn't much in-depth reflection on friendship and conversation in general. However, it is short (only 191 pages) and a fast read, and I did find it thought-provoking, so I don't regret reading it.

[Lacey Meyer · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 ⭐️. I enjoyed it. I’m not sure I learned much beyond... don’t be afraid to share your stories, good and bad, and go first. But I did appreciate hearing her stories!

[Charity (Booktrovert Reader) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Did I really get what I was expecting from this book? Not really. It didn't really delve deep into taking your friendship to a whole new level.

She shared a lot of stories of her life and embracing herself and her fears. Which is good, but I wouldn't say that is why I went to this book in the first place. Seems like she kind of deterred from it with filling this book with her life experiences of her relationships.

This isn't bad, this was beautiful in its own way that I love how vulnerable she became in this book. That it is okay to admit your mistakes, failures and things that affected your life to the core. But to know how to take that to the people you are closest to such as friends. That didn't really deliver on that front.

The few things I got from this book was it is okay to share, know when to share and know when to listen. I wish there was more to than that, but unfortunately it did slightly miss the mark for me.


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[Emily Lund-Hansen · Rating 3 out of 5]

The title, the cover art, the fact that the foreword was written by Jenna Fischer (yay for The Office!): they all drew me into this book. The idea of having better conversations and going deeper in relationships appealed to my introvert self, who wants to just cut past the small talk and get to the Good Stuff. Early in the book, Tremaine writes that “people will tell you exactly who they are if you listen closely.” I absolutely believe that to be true, as well, and I was eager to learn more about having these kinds of in-depth, profound conversations.

That hope of learning left me a little disappointed as the book went on. The marketing for this book describes it as “part memoir and part guidebook,” but it’s mostly memoir, with some brief “Your Turn” practical bits to close out each chapter. Share Your Stuff. I’ll Go First. read, to me, like a collection of profoundly personal stories centered around certain themes (brokenness, something “magic” happening, identity), offered as a kind of guide to the sorts of stories YOU could share with a close friend (or ask them to share).

I am all for more books on friendship. I’m not sure this is the one I’d recommend, though.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for providing me with a digital copy for this review.

[Bri McKoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was able to read an early copy of this book and since reading it I have been anxiously waiting for it to be in the world! I intend to re-read the book with some of my best friends. Laura has quickly become someone I look to when it comes to sharing on a deeper level. Through her own gracious storytelling she showed me there is more depth and richness to be had in my relationships. Share Your Stuff is a masterclass on how to open up, share with vulnerability and grace, and in return connect with those around us in ways we could never imagine!

[Julianne Snyder · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a super quick read and worked well on audio for me. It felt like having a deep and interesting conversation with a good friend who you are first getting to know better. I was left with equal measures reflection on the important things that make me me and prompts to have deeper more meaningful conversations with friends.

[Haley Sabaka · Rating 3 out of 5]

I bought this book in February and started it during the Snowpocalypse in Texas when Chris and I were out of our home for a month waiting for our pipes to get fixed. I read about half of it, then put it down because several of my library holds became available. I didn’t pick it up until literally the last day of the year, when I was determined to make my reading goal of 30 books happen and the last 60 pages were just so simple to finish.

In a perfect world, I wouldn’t have read this so quickly. I would have journaled through it, scheduled coffee with friends to talk through questions, and so on. Laura’s storytelling is quite good, and I appreciate a book that encourages me to be vulnerable. (guys, I think I’m actually an enneagram 5 😱)

And with that, my reading goal is met?? What do I do now??

[Elyse · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is part memoir and part guidebook. Laura Tremaine shares 10 questions to deepen your friendships and get that relationship you long for. This is meant to make you think and dig deep.

I’m at a loss of words. I didn’t love it, but I didn’t hate it either. I personally don’t believe I am at the right stage in life to apply this although I would love to eventually dig deep into my own life like this someday. Quarantine has changed my friendships in many ways. I’ve grown closer to one friend, lost touch with a lots of others, and experienced a friend break-up. I would love to revisit this book later in life when I have experienced more in life.

I did love learning about Laura and some of the advice and random 10 tid bits at the end of each chapter. She has a fantastic podcast that I just started listening to. I bet once I finally convince myself to start journaling I will find this book much more helpful.

I would recommend this book to anyone wanting and ready to dig deep into your own life and really get down to the nitty gritty with your friends. It also has great journaling prompts and asks the tough questions.

[Lindsey Rinehart · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really like the 10 questions in the book as a means to deepening a friendship. I’ve been reading a few books on friendship lately and honestly, they are all missing the mark for me. I’m not looking to read about specific experiences and friendships so much as friendship in general. How important it is. How to really maintain friendships across space and time. How to be a better friend when things get really rough. The meat on the bone of friendship. These books have all just been cute.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love the 10 Things To a tell You Podcast so I’d recommend listening to that before reading the book. Laura discusses books, journaling, skin care/make up, life!, all sorts of things and it’s just an easy listen like this book was an easy read. I’ve never really looked forward to a podcast or binged listened but I just really enjoy the things that Laura talks about and most importantly what she ASKS. I really loved the lists of questions in this book and thought it was a good read. I really wanted more—it ended too quickly.

[Macy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Didn’t finish, got about half through. Laura seems like a lovely lady but this book is a one long string of humble brags. If you’d like a wealthy lady who made it big in LA to give you advice then this is your kind of book.
I agree with another reviewer that this is like reading Laura’s journal. It’s entertaining but does not go very in depth about friendships. Laura has some great friendships and she wants to tell you about them.

[Brenda · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've heard several of these stories before, on Laura's podcast (and her blog before that), but I was still captivated by this book. Looking forward to journaling these big questions and hopefully discussing them with friends!

[Maggie Bayerl · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book lacked depth and perspective and did not live up to the hype.

[Jennifer Costa · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was okay. I liked the questions a lot and think they’d be fun to answer with friends and also there’s a lot of nice jumping points for journaling ideas.

I really just couldn’t relate to the author’ a perspective and her “I’ll go first” stories. I didn’t feel attached to her in any way and her stories didn’t compel me to feel connected.

But I really liked these two lines she said:
- “Sharing our stuff drags it out of the dark and into the light, and everything looks better in the light”
- “We want to believe that the areas where we were broken scar stronger than before, but those lines stay tender”

For any and all friends who want to do the questions with me let me know and I’m ready to spill my guts out for you!!!! 💖🥺💖🤪

[Mallory McGuire-Stewart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have followed Laura for 7ish years online. She has helped me grow in so many ways including spiritual, political, and personal beliefs. She is responsible for rekindling my desire to read, listening to podcasts, and being more introspective. This book specifically is great if you desire a deeper connection in your relationships and offers great examples on how to begin that journey.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Nice short audiobook that reads as a guide to prompting conversation with your gal pals. It’s a great one to read with a group and then chat about your answers to her 10 questions.

[Kat · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had very low expectations for this book, but per the recommendation of a dear friend, I put my hesitations about a self described “Christian Hollywood Mommy Blogger” aside and gave Laura Tremaine’s bright pink book a shot. There are certainly a few eye-roll parts fitting to my initial skepticism, (the last chapter or two are dripping in privilege) but overall I was pleased to find it an unexpectedly thoughtful read that had me taking notes, keeping a list of journal prompts, and purchasing extra copies to pass onto my friends.

We all have things we don’t talk about: experiences, traumas, and beliefs that at our core that make us who we truly are. Tremaine lays out a warm invitation to take a risk in sharing those stories, encouraging readers to leverage vulnerability and openness as a means to form some much needed deeper connections — first with yourself, then with friends and ultimately community.

[Ancillar · Rating 5 out of 5]

I hated small talk and being pinpointed as an oversharer because I am exactly that (an oversharer) but after picking up this book I am more reflective , acceptive of who I am and the story that makes me the person I am .Laura Tremaine is hilariously clever as this book reads part memoir and part self-help. I enjoyed it thoroughly and could not put it down . It's a wonderful book about discovery .Every chapter begins with a story/stories about Laura and ends with a little homework you so want to do.I highly recommend this book. Huge thanks to Zondervan for my ARC

[Renee Davis Meyer · Rating 5 out of 5]

I flew through this delightful book that is part memoir, part conversation starter. Laura, who is one of my favorite podcasters, framed it around 10 questions. She writes a little about why each conversation is important, then she goes first, sharing her answers, and finishing with a list of further questions and prompts for your own reflection and conversation. It would be worth reading just for her stories and thoughts, but my favorite thing about this book is how it made me think about my own stories, answers and “stuff.”

[Carol Bakker · Rating 2 out of 5]

Well, I'm an idiot. I thought this was a book about decluttering. Perhaps minimalism? SO not that. It's not my kind of book, although I do enjoy memoirs. And here's the thing that kept me from returning it to my digital library: FOMO. Eight people were in line waiting for it (my app scolds me if I am not actively reading the book that others want to read).

So I struggle to articulate all my reactions to it. Laura is a gifted communicator, and she's had some eye-popping episodes in her life. The story of the white van that repeatedly crept past her house on the edge of town while she was young and home alone was terrifying, arm-hairs-standing-up. I was shallow-breathing while I read it.

For me, the most valuable sections were the questions that prompt us to evaluate or describe the things that make us who we are. Good ways to get to know the people in your life.

Laura is an ex-evangelical Christian. That is an important part of her story. The hard thing for me to swallow was that the book was published by Zondervan. From what I read, I wouldn't think she was an "orthodox" (<- small 'o') Christian. The tension between the faith I love and the faith she discarded was a troublesome part for me. I'm not saying they are necessarily the same.

That said, I ask myself the question whenever I read a living author: Would I want to have this author to my house to share a meal? That answer is yes. I would love to hear more of Laura's story.