*Warnings*
#1 I originally wrote a looooong rant in the place of a review that explained not only my thoughts on this book but also what's wrong with most Christian fiction today. It got a lot of great feedback and amens after I posted it, so I'm not taking it down. Whether you agree with my views or not, it's staying at the bottom of this. #2 However, I still needed to write an actual review, so, armed with coherence and clarity, I wrote a short review about the technical aspects of this novel and why I didn't enjoy it, regardless of the content issues I addressed in my rant. Therefore, I am editing this to add my review directly below this warning section. #3 These aren't really warnings like my typical ones are...just...heads-ups and commentary on the course of events that brought me here. Anyway...enjoy the review + rant, my lovelies!
Stars: 2
Synopsis: Artist Riley McAllister is back home in Maple Falls. Nope, not for good. Only until her grandmother, who’s suffering a broken leg, gets back up on her feet and to work in her small-town yarn shop. Not even newly returned—and smokin’ hot—Hayden Price and his church softball team can get her to stay in her hick hometown...can he?
Wow. Um, y’all, after that extremely long and loud rant of mine last summer, I don’t know how I’m going to be able to review this book. I try, but rest assured that after that rant, I’ll be reviewing this from a more...technical perspective. If you want to know all my personal opinions, sensitive spots, and pet peeves, just scroll down. (To sum up, this “Christian” book had no Christianity at all, the ending wasn’t satisfying enough, and the entire foundation of Riley and Hayden’s “romance” was physical attraction...there wasn’t even any emotional connection.)
To be entirely honest, despite my taking notes, I can’t quite remember everything that went on and everything that stuck out to me...but I do remember there being a few moments of just wut? You know, some strange something being mentioned as if the author threw it in because they weren’t thinking about what they were writing and were too focused on meeting their daily word count. (Y’all know what I mean, don’t you, fellow authors?) I know it when I see it, because I myself am guilty of it too. It’s just really weird from the reader’s perspective.
I also remember that everything was so rushed at the end! Like, we had this huge buildup (mainly Riley making a fuss about everything) just waiting to make this long, dramatic ending...but nope. It just...ended. No real satisfaction, no epilogue, no close. Maybe that’s to leave things open for the next book, but I feel like these were loose ends specific to Riley and Hayden’s story.
The story as a whole was really bland to me. A few other reviewers have said it read more like women’s fiction, and I think that’s why. There wasn’t really much of a plot or any driving conflict. Now, there could have been, but so many elements—like Tracey and the parade—were never fully explored and the story seemed incomplete. Then we’re left with Riley and Hayden’s attraction and a few out-of-the-blue comments from the side characters...sure, there’s some drama, but not much substance.
Maybe if I could’ve connected with the characters...but I couldn’t. Riley and Hayden were like foils pulled out of a Hallmark movie, dropped into Maple Falls with nothing but the clothes on their back, and told to fight for their lives. In fact, my favorite character was Harper. She had more depth and personality than anyone else in this book!
Riley and Hayden did have definable arcs that were pretty decent, which is a plus, but it wasn’t enough to pique my interest and hold my attention. Maybe if there’d been something unique (because I’m sure Hallmark’s done the yarn shop too) or some beautiful redemption story on Riley’s part (spoiler alert: this girl has no interest in God or living for other people or general human kindness), I could’ve really gotten into it, but there wasn’t. There wasn’t even a swoony love story. Apparently I still live in the Regency era, though, where my definition of a love story is comprised of emotional letters, conversations about books, long walks at dawn, beautiful music and dancing, and a deep and abiding affection that fuels the desire to fight for, protect, and cherish one’s lover. The 21st century doesn’t operate like that, I’ve found. “Romance” in today’s era never lasts, has no worth or value, and requires no effort on anyone’s part to develop or maintain. In fact, smushed bananas are more valuable and lasting than romance—why, they even provide necessary nutrients and sufficient energy to the body, allowing us to live longer and more healthily!
I’d take a smushed banana over “romance” any day, and I hate bananas.
I digress.
Hooked on You had potential...to be another lovely Hallmark film, with just as much substance, connection, and Christian content. As a unique and interesting “Christian romance” worth reading, however, it was sorely lacking, if not completely deficient. It fell prey to one of the classic and increasingly common blunders in today’s “Christian romance,” which is quite saddening, because this should have been a good book. All these books that Christian novelists are putting out today should be good, but perhaps publishers and the market have lowered their standards or increased the pressure on authors to produce faster instead of better. I don’t know...all I do know is that I neither recommend Hooked on You nor anticipate reading more by Kathleen Fuller in the future.
Disclaimer: A complimentary copy of this book was provided by the publisher, publicist, or author, including NetGalley. All opinions expressed are my own.
***
On to the rant. Bon appetit, mes amies!
Seriously, y'all. If I read another "Christian" book that has absolutely nothing to do with God whatsoever, I will probably just switch to reading secular fiction. It's the same malarkey either way you slice it.
Or maybe I should just give up reading altogether.
*sigh* Review to come. Can't promise you anything that's positive or makes sense or actually pertains to this book, though. Maybe I should say rant to come.
OH! And can I just go ahead and apologize for the fact that not everyone is as lucky Hayden to be so sexy? Like, seriously, guys. EVERY DAY PEOPLE ARE NOT THAT HOT IN REAL LIFE AND IF I READ ABOUT ANOTHER GORGEOUS GUY AND "TOLERABLE" GIRL I WILL PROBABLY PLUCK MY EYEBALLS OUT. WHAT ABOUT UGLY GUYS AND PRETTY GIRLS? OR GIRLS THAT ARE ACTUALLY NOT PRETTY FOR A LEGITIMATE REASON?
OR WHAT ABOUT A ROMANCE THAT'S NOT BASED ON HOW DURN SEXY EVERYONE IS? LIKE, IF THEY'RE SO BLASTED GOODLOOKING, WHY AIN'T THEY MARRIED YET? ALL THEY CARE ABOUT IS PHYSICAL APPEARANCE, AFTER ALL. CAN'T BE TOO HARD TO FIND ANOTHER PURTY PERSON IN THIS WORLD JUST OVERFLOWING WITH PURTY PEOPLE.
I MEAN, REALLY? WHAT KIND OF EXPECTATIONS ARE GIRLS SUPPOSED TO HAVE NOW? THAT THEY'RE GONNA FIND SOME HOT AS HECKFIRE GUY? THAT BEING ALL SEXY AND HAVING THAT PERFECT BODY SOMEHOW MEANS EVERYTHING? DON'T MAKE ME BE THE ONE TO GET ALL ANTI-APPEARANCE DISCRIMINATION ON Y'ALL.
*sighs* Pardon the type-yelling. I just...I come from this strange little place called earth where everyone is either butt ugly or just not as sexy as Hayden Price. So, yeah, stuff like this is depressing. Not to mention it literally breaks my Austen-loving, classical romantic heart to see that the general public's definition of romance has declined into nothing more than meaningless sexual attraction and tension. IN CHRISTIAN FICTION. Where's the love, people? Where's the goodness of heart and the fruit of the Spirit? Where's being a Godly person? Does not that fit into relationships any more? Can you not be a Christian and be a great boyfriend/girlfriend or spouse? ARE WE TOO BORING? ARE CHRISTIANS UGLY OR SOMETHING? BECAUSE, SERIOUSLY, THERE IS NO GREATER LOVE GIVEN BY MANKIND BUT THE LOVE THAT CHRISTIANS SHARE THROUGH CHRIST. IT DOESN'T GET ANY BETTER THAN THAT - CHRIST-LIKE LOVE AND SACRIFICE.
JESUS WAS UGLY.
BUT HE IS LOVE.
HE IS THE BEST BOYFRIEND YOU WILL EVER HAVE.
HE IS THE BEST BRIDEGROOM EVER.
HE IS WHO WE SHOULD STRIVE TO BE, WHO WE SHOULD LOOK FOR IN OUR POTENTIAL SPOUSE, WHO WE SHOULD RAISE UP OUR CHILDREN TO BE.
SUCCESS, MONEY, LOOKS, GENERAL POSITIVE ATTITUDES, SPIRITUAL ENLIGHTEN, WHATEVER IN THE WORLD YOU WANT TO HAVE IS NOTHING IN COMPARISON TO CHRIST. IF YOU AIN'T GOT HIM, YOU AIN'T GOT NOTHIN' WORTH HAVING.
AND ONE MORE THING. THERE IS NO HAPPY ENDING APART FROM JESUS CHRIST, GOD ALMIGHTY, AND THE HOLY GHOST.
THERE IS NO "OOH, I LOVE YOU" OR "HEY, LET'S GET MARRIED" OR "YAY, THEY SAVED THE TOWN." THAT IS NOT HOW YOU END A BOOK, PEOPLE. YOU END IT WITH YOUR HEATHEN CHARACTERS GETTING THEIR LIVES RIGHT WITH THE FATHER. YOU END IT WITH THE PROMISE OF ETERNITY IN HEAVEN. YOU END IT WITH HOPE FOR THE READERS, THAT THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN WHAT THE WORLD CAN GIVE YOU AND THAT JESUS CAN DO FOR YOU WHAT NO COUNSELOR OR THERAPIST OR REHAB CENTER COULD EVER DO FOR YOU.
Seriously. Y'all don't get me started on them counselors. I've got a counselor, and He is the Wonderful Counselor and the Prince of Peace and He has made me whole in a way no man, woman, parent, child, preacher, teacher, therapist, or shrink could ever make me. He has made me whole in Him and there is no wholeness apart from Him. He is perfection and He is all I want, everything I need, and the only thing that can satisfy me.
Anyway...yeah. I did not intend for that to happen, but, uh, yeah. There's my sermon for today. Seriously, though, I will leave this thing a review. Just...not right now. I need to go cool down, talk to my Wonderful Counselor. Do more than just pray a couple times and go to church. I think I'd rather commune with the Lord and read His Word and seek His Will than just be a once-a-week Christian. I think I'd rather be an all-the-time Christian who radiates the glory of God Almighty.
Can I get an amen?