Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life---and Can Save Yours

by Michelle Williams

"I need help." Those three words saved Grammy Award–winning singer Michelle Williams's life. After decades of sweeping her anxiety and depression under the rug--even during her years in the spotlight with Destiny's Child--Michelle found herself planning her own funeral. Realizing that she needed immediate help and could no longer battle her anxiety and depression alone, she checked herself into a treatment facility. When she came home, she was energized and determined to check in on a regular basis with herself, God, and others. Practical, engaging, and full of wisdom, Checking In will give you the tools you need An uplifting, behind-the-scenes look at one woman's path to healing, Checking In reminds you that you're not alone and that God is not yet finished writing your story. Praise for Checking In : "Michelle Williams is one of the bravest, strongest women I know. She has fought through very public struggles and dark, hidden days of depression. And now, in Checking In , she's putting it all out there for everyone to see. Her story is powerful and relatable, and she wants you to know that you are not alone. Healing is possible. And she's here to walk through it with you." --Sarah Jakes Roberts, founder of Woman Evolve, copastor of The Potter's House, and bestselling author of Woman Evolve

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Self Help, Audiobook, Biography, Mental Health, Christian

240 pages, Hardcover

Published May 25, 2021

Reviews

[Donna - The Bookish One · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love that she told her story. I think there were many takeaways that most people can use in their life.

[Brandice · Rating 4 out of 5]

I usually first think of Michelle Williams as part of Destiny’s Child, which of course she was, but she’s also much more than that. Sidenote: I am still obsessed with the surprise DC reunion during Beyoncé’s 2013 Super Bowl halftime show — my favorite one!

Checking In: How Getting Real about Depression Saved My Life—and Can Save Yours is Michelle’s memoir about her struggle and challenges with depression, which she hid for years. It took her a long time to reach out for help and acknowledge why she opted for some behaviors over others. She talks about the importance of quieting our fears against what’s actually true, our willingness to be vulnerable, and the importance of forgiveness, which is admittedly something I’ve often struggled with.

”We do this, don’t we? We jump from point a to point z and we don’t even question it; we don’t take the time to check in and ask ourselves what’s true and what’s fear-based.”

“Being able to forgive others, ask for forgiveness, and forgive yourself is about you. It’s about checking in with your heart and not being tied to someone in a negative way.”

No matter where you are in your mental health journey, one that’s not always a linear path, Checking In has helpful reminders — You Are Not Alone.

[Jay DeMoir · Rating 4 out of 5]

in this season of my life, I'm battling depression and this book was so incredbly helpful. Michelle was so transparent and vulnerable and this book held some gems. I loved it. I even shed a few tears while reflecting.

[Jerricka · Rating 5 out of 5]

Omg I didn’t know she went through all this. She is a true inspiration

[Salliewt · Rating 3 out of 5]

Heavy on faith, prayer, and Bible quotes, light on professional help and medication. But having a public figure speak about their struggle with depression is a plus.

[Danielle L · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you take a shot every time she says the title of the book …you’ll be plastered. Lol other than that I did enjoy this book but I’m not sure it’s something that would actually help anyone unless they are completely new to the idea of mental health. This was more of memoir but it read well and I learned a lot about her. If you are bothered by religious/christian references I would not recommend this book but if that doesn’t bother you too much, you can read this. It’s really a 3.5/5.

[Jackie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book. Michelle Williams really opened up and told her story right from the heart. As someone that deals with depression, I felt her pain. I’m so glad that she got the help and tools she needed to continue on and share her story with the world.

[Dawn · Rating 5 out of 5]

So many gems in this book.

On unexpected and unwanted change: “Sometimes God takes away the plan of man because He wants all the glory. He wants to do it for us and in us. He wants us to make no mistake about where our help came from. He wants us to come to Him.”

On not using mental illness as a crutch: “We all have a personal responsibility to make choices to protect what we value.”

On Forgiveness: “There’s a difference between reconciliation and restoration. Reconciliation is when you both offer and accept forgiveness. Restoration is when the relationship is fulfilled - either to its previous status or maybe even something deeper. But if you go into an apology seeking restoration, you’re setting yourself up for disappointment.”

This book BLESSED me. I’m going through a lot of change right now, and I’ve been working overtime to ensure my mental health still thrives as I trust the path God has for me and I really think this was exactly what I needed to validate how I was feeling, why and what I could do moving forward. I highly suggest this book for anyone struggling to overcome guilt, shame, embarrassment or a life changing setback. Also, Target sells a copy with a guided journal in the back! So if you feel the need to check in with your emotions, check it out! 5/5 stars.

[Shannan Harper · Rating 5 out of 5]

Growing up in the Church, it's always been tabu to talk about having mental Issues. Michelle Williams knows that all too well. Whether you're a Grammy winning artist or not, mental issues is no respect to anyone. I myself have been dealing with depression for almost 30 years, and there were a lot of tips that are going to help me once i implement them. She was vulnerable and transparent and gives a lot of wisdom and helpful tips throughout this book.

I received a copy of the book via NetGalley and am voluntarily leaving an honest review

[Jamie (TheRebelliousReader) · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 stars. I’ve always loved Michelle Williams and have never understood the mockery and hatred she receives online. She seems like a total sweetheart. Anyway, this was fantastic. It hit me really hard at certain parts because I related a lot. This is well written, engaging and extremely honest and full of hope. I am religious so I loved how she used Bible quotes and her Christianity to guide her through but she also is a big advocate for therapy. This was wonderful and I would highly recommend it.

[Jessica Ashe · Rating 5 out of 5]

5 🌟

Let me preface this by saying that Michelle Williams was my favorite member of destiny’s child. ❤️ I polled several friends as well as my husband and Michelle, you were all of our favorites..

Ok, now that I’ve given my stance on favorite destiny’s child member, let’s get on to my review.

I loved this book from cover to cover. Michelle grabs you from the front cover inviting you to peek inside her life (and what an honest, introspective journey). She sucks you into the chapters with humor, honesty, complete transparency, hope, guidance and tools to check in with not only yourself, but more importantly God.

She reminds us that this isn’t a path of perfection and to extend grace to ourself and others 70x7 as Jesus said which translates into… don’t worry about the numbers… forgive always.

I related to Michelle on so many accounts especially childhood wounds. She explains how important it is to go back and heal those wounds so you aren’t dragging them on your journey with you..

I would recommend this book to everyone especially all my Destiny’s child loving, Christian peeps. You won’t be disappointed. This is a book I’ll purchase for my own bookshelf as well as gift to friends.

[Sara Strand · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book. I'm not even a particularly religious person, so that tie in wasn't relevant for me, BUT- she brings up so many great points its still a worthwhile read. It's a fast read and it feels like you're having coffee with her and just a conversation about depression. As you do, you know? I really loved this one and it left me with some things to think about.

Thank you to TLC Book Tours and Thomas Nelson Publishing for having me on this tour.

[Ancillar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Actual Rating: 4.5

In Checking In Michelle Williams shares the importance of checking in with yourself, your friends, community, and God. This book made me question a lot of things

[ReadnliftwithShar · Rating 5 out of 5]

“It takes practice to release the hold we have on our stress and anxiety. But God wants us to. He wants us to because he loves us. Because he cares.” - Michelle Williams

Checking In is a book that debuted right on time with May being Mental Health Awareness Month. In true Michelle fashion, she is candid and brutally honest with her mental health journey. I expected to read about her journey with battling mental health and being in the spot light. What I was not expecting was how detailed she was. Part of me applauds the bravery and part of me feels like I want to offer her a hug. As a depression and anxiety warrior myself, I loved everything about this book. I really feel that it wasn’t just for entertainment or education purposes- it’s a book that everyone can read and find themselves with an, “aha moment”. There is nothing that I would change about this book because Michelle gets it and I can tell this was not a rushed book. It takes a lot of vulnerability and soul seeking to put the things that are in this book in black and white. Very good job and I highly recommend. I will definitely purchase and go back and reread because there were things that I need to highlight. I received this book from NetGalley and the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

[Che · Rating 2 out of 5]

I feel she could've gone deeper. But I am just grateful a public figure openly shared about her individual struggles with her mental health. Hoping this contributes to normalizing our conversations about depression, healing traumas and proactive self-care.

[Alison Channita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Obviously I would have wanted a memoir, but this is Michelle Williams’ experiences with depression. Very heavy on her faith (as a source of help) and just a sprinkling of clinical help and therapy.

[Lulu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michelle’s personality really comes shining through in this book. I love that she was transparent and vulnerable enough to share her story. She brings up so many great points and even if you aren’t into the Bible and Christianity…it’s still eye opening. Depression is real and I’m glad she uses her platform to talk about it.

[tre be · Rating 5 out of 5]

“Regardless of what it cost me to check in, I had come to realize it was a bargain compared to checking out, to being swallowed up by the depression that constantly looked in the backdrop of my life.”

You better preach Michelle! 🙌🏾

If there is one book I’m most grateful for this year… this is ittt! This book was…MEDICINAL. IMPACTFUL. NECESSARY. FOOD AND FUEL FOR MY SOUL. Perfect for my Jesus loving soul.

I first read this book back in July after winning a giveaway (thanks @shejustlovesbooks), and still “check in” with it often. It’s the perfect for #nonfictionNovember!

Imagine being Kelly or Michelle. The never ending comparisons to Beyonce, the ridicule…No shade because I love them. They have both opened up about depression during and after the group. And no one knew. (Don’t get this expecting DC tea cause there aint none)

“All I can tell you is that I had to come up with some sort of process that would keep me healthy for the days when I struggle more than others, and for the long term.”

Michelle did an incredible job writing, narrating, and sharing HER story with grace! I felt like she was speaking directly to me because I share many of the same struggles. She was open and vulnerable, but I do believe she held back on the immense pressures of being in the group. Don’t get this book expecting any Destiny’s Child tea, cause there aint none!

“When we’re checking in with ourselves, we can root out the beliefs behind our thoughts and the thoughts behind our emotions.”

This book is Jesus heavy, with a touch of humor. Michelle is hilarious! Her story felt so relatable and intimate, as though we were besties pouring our souls over brunch & mimosas. She offered tangible ways to cope with depression and anxiety that worked for her, that I now apply to my life, starting with therapy and journaling.

If we’re not taking care of ourselves, we can’t be any good to others. I keep this book as a guide and study it ongoing, regularly. Seeing this book, even the title alone, makes me stop and check in with my feelings, my people, my God.

I’d highly recommend this book for anyone who is struggling with mental health issues, wrestling with fear, or just wanting assurance that things can get better!

[Natalie Odom Pough · Rating 5 out of 5]

Michelle has already given so much of herself to the public and her fans. Yet, as you read her book, you feel so much closer to her. She taps into why we all need to focus on ourselves, hear ourselves, and stay uplifted. Michelle's authenticity has always made her shine and it is no different in this book. If you are looking for light... it's in this book.

[Deidra Rice · Rating 5 out of 5]

Absolutely 💯Amazing 👏This book blessed my soul💫💞

[Tiffany]

If you're looking for a memoir you're not going to get that from this book. What we do get is Michelle talking openly and honestly about her journey with anxiety and depression. She does an excellent job of discussing her experience with faith and mental illness. A good book to pick up if you want to work on yourself but don't know where to start. Also worth a read if you're already on your healing journey and want to add more to your self care toolbox.

[Jonathan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Loved her openness and vulnerability in drawing upon a range of interventions - faith, psychology, psychiatry, community - in her pursuit of mental health.

[Mary Sisney · Rating 4 out of 5]

If asked to pick which Destiny’s Child group member was least like me, I would have picked the seemingly serious, somewhat dull Michelle. I especially thought we had little in common after she showed up as the butterfly on “The Masked Singer” (I would have been a tiger or maybe a witch) and revealed she’d had some emotional problems. I bought this book because I hoped Michelle would share some behind-the-scenes gossip of her breakup with her fiancé, her relationships with the seemingly more flamboyant Destiny’s Child group members (Does Beyoncé curse when she’s not singing on records? Is she bossy?), and even “The Masked Singer.” Although she shared some details about her relationship with Chad (very little about anything else), I liked this book mainly because the seemingly sober Michelle is a clown. Her messages and her emotional problems are serious, but she’s not. And now I would pick her as the Destiny’s Child member most like me, an extroverted introvert who likes to clown. Because of her colloquial style and humor, the very religious Michelle never seemed sanctimonious even when she was quoting the Bible and discussing Biblical figures. In fact, some more pious readers might take offense at the casual tone she uses when discussing Jesus and Peter, but I enjoyed it. I also enjoyed the way she addressed her readers but wondered if calling us “Sis” was a bit shortsighted. Does she think only black women will be reading her book? Do white female readers or any male readers want to be called “Sis”? Even some black women my age might be a bit bothered by the still young singer’s familiarity in addressing them as “Sis,” but since my nickname was Sister (there are still a few family members who call me by that name), and my last name begins with “Sis,” I loved it. I also appreciated some of the advice that Michelle gave “Sis,” especially about checking in with our friends and family members (I’m calling my Riverside second cousins when I finish this review and will “check in” with a Kentucky third cousin next week) and about forgiving and holding grudges (a problem I sometimes have). I like the way she compared forgiving to debt. When we forgive a debt, the person no longer has to pay anything; so when we forgive those who “trespass against us” (to use the Biblical phrase), we shouldn’t expect anything from them. But I would add (and Michelle seems to be suggesting this point) we shouldn’t keep letting them owe us; we shouldn’t keep allowing people we’ve forgiven to continue to hurt and/or take advantage of us. Although Michelle often uses the language of older black people (I think someone in her family is from the South), she doesn’t use “the feed them with a long handle spoon” metaphor that I appreciate. She’s saying we should stop “checking in” with those who cause us harm, give them space for a year (I would add, maybe forever). I wasn’t interested in the journal questions at the end of the book, but they are appropriate for people who need help overcoming depression or other problems in their lives.

[Bryan · Rating 5 out of 5]

I received and Advanced Readers copy of this book, but was not asked to leave a review. This review may contain spoilers.

I have always been a fan of Destiny's Child, and specifically Ms. Williams, her story, and her music, so I did go into reading this book with a bit of a bias :-).

However, after reading it I must say the book really spoke to me and offered me a space to ask myself some challenging questions and self-reflect, check-in.

What I enjoyed most about the book was Ms. Williams style of writing, it felt very much conversational, easy, intimate. There were times I felt like I was reading her journal. Her ability to be honest, transparent, and vulnerable about her triumphs and struggles really made it a page turner.

However, I would say this book is more about Ms. Williams inviting the reader on a journey of acknowledging and addressing Mental Health and Depression in ones life, a journey that she is still on. Versus other books which have a more preachy direction of "this what I did to get better." Ms. Williams is honest in saying that her journey isn't complete and she is in the fight with the reader.

Her self-deprecating humor and ability to tell compelling stories really helped provide a good balance. There are times where I was teary, and then I turned the page and was laughing and giggling. I will also like to note that if you are a hopeless romantic you can't help to root and pray for love and healing for Ms. Williams and Mr. Johnsons love story.

Some of the tenants and highlights that really resonated for me are the following:

-Understanding labels. The labels others put on us, and what we label ourselves and how explicitly or implicitly they affect us in our lives, and interactions/relationships with others.

-Understanding agreement. What and how we are quick to agree without really understanding the gravity or implications of our actions when agreeing.

-Understanding feelings(anxiety) over facts (intuition). How our feelings can drive us away from making decisions based on facts.

The only thing I would add to the review is that the ending felt a little rushed and maybe it was because I didn't want my time with Ms. Williams and the book to end. It felt like there is more to her journey and maybe we will hopefully get an update soon, in the form of a second book!

-Bryan D.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

“Hey God! Remember me? How long do you plan on ignoring me? Are you thinking forever? Because I’m straight-up wrestling with my own thoughts over here, and I could really use your help!” Psalm 13, MWV (Michelle Williams Version) “Even though I sang songs with the word bootylicious in them, I still loved the Lord.” Destiny’s Child’s Michelle Williams emerges “like a golden butterfly forged from a cocoon of fiery trials and tribulations," and Checking In gives the world a point of reference for all those who suffer in silence.

“Any time you make a decision out of fear, you risk whatever reward could have been earned from choosing courage...Checking in with God, yourself, and others [is] a three-legged stool. There will be times when you lean more on one during different seasons of life, sure. But each leg is required to keep your butt off the ground.”

“I don’t know if I have the patience for golf. But what I do have the patience for is a nice seventy-five-minute body scrub.” The ultimate self-care is soul care, and the ultimate check in is when you ask Jesus to be your Savior. “Until we’re able to base our identity on his truth, we can’t know how to check in with ourselves or anyone else.”

“If who I am is based on what other people say? I have no chance.
If who I am is based on the negative thoughts I have about myself? I have no hope.
If who I am is based on who made me...I am his.
The only label I’ve got the matters is God’s. God’s creation. God’s work. God’s child.”

[Zibby Owens · Rating 5 out of 5]

Checking in is the central theme of this book. For so long, the author felt she had checked out. This book stresses the importance of checking in with God, with yourself, with others, and with your community. It talks about how recentering is essential, especially when she was caught up in depression mixed with fame as a toxic combination. The author realized that these are the things that she needed to do most. This book gives practical wisdom you can use to be sure and stay checked into your life.

There was a great quote at the beginning that said, "We're busy, we're tired, and when we get a minute alone, we want to check out, not in, but this step matters because we can't be honest with anybody until we've been honest with ourselves." I thought it was so true because it's easy to run away from everything, but that it always catches back up to us.

Another passage stuck out that said, "You might be thinking, excuse me? What does Michelle Williams get to be depressed about? You got a little bit of money. You got a little bit of fame. You sang in one of the most successful groups of all time. But one message that doesn't get shared enough is that depression can hit anybody. It hits male, female, upper class, middle class, lower class, no class, every race, and every spiritual background. It can seek you out and find you anywhere with or without justifiable cause. What I mean by that is that depression comes in all forms. Sometimes it's chemical. Sometimes it's genetic. Sometimes it's situational. Sometimes it's because of unmet spiritual needs. Sometimes it's because your husband left, or you can't get pregnant, or you got fired. Depression is an assassin. It acts like a silent, slow killer, and if you don't deal with it, it can just swallow you up."

To listen to my interview with the author, go to my podcast at:
https://zibbyowens.com/transcript/mic...

[Jasmine Green · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was very hit and miss for me. Michelle would start off by making some really good points about mental health and what she had learned from her experiences, then out of nowhere the chapter would turn into a bible lesson. I understand and appreciate that religion has helped Michelle with her mental health journey and I found it interesting hearing her talk about how it did so. However, she would state things about it as if they were proven facts. For example, “Our anxiety has robbed of us the ability to check in with that inner voice- the voice of the Holy Spirit, the voice of God” and “Since intuition is from God, it should leave you feeling a little more relaxed, a little more at peace”. This has not been proven to be true, therefore I do not believe that it should be written as a fact. She also refers to a mental list that she has made in regards to what she looks for in a friend, number one being that they must love God, (she refers to atheists as ‘God-fearing’). I personally just don’t understand why her friend’s religious beliefs matter, as it has nothing to do with her. Also, I don’t believe that it should change how she sees them as a person, as it does not impact their personality. I just found her thinking to be very close minded in regards to people believing in other religions and people being atheists. For most of the book, it felt like she was just trying to sell her religion to me when what I really wanted to read about was her mental health journey and her life story. I don’t know if this was done intentionally or if Michelle just got overly passionate on the subject, but it didn’t really seem relevant to the subject of mental health. Although, I did really enjoy how open and raw she writes about her emotions.

[Tamyka · Rating 4 out of 5]

I appreciated getting to know Michelle better through this book. I trusted her as a narrator and believed she was being honest the majority of the time which for books like this that was important. Most of the experiences in the book were focused on the years 2018-2020 and though she gave lots of examples of experiences from her childhood, and even her time with Destiny’s Child, I personally was interested in understanding the way the depression manifested itself when she was younger. Sometimes it came across that her depression or experiences with it were more related to heartbreak or her romantic relationships and she made it clear it wasn’t, but if the majority of the examples are connected to the romantic relationship then it just gets a bit more hazy. I thought she gave great advice through and I appreciated her connections and explaining the intersection of her as a Christian, a Black woman, a superstar, and a person suffering from depression and how her relationship with God was not compromised when she sought and received the treatment she needed to be whole and well. I appreciated Michelle for her vulnerability and transparency.

[Page Passion · Rating 4 out of 5]

Initially, I picked to have something to entertain me while I was working. I did not expect this to be so insightful and funny that I finished it within a few hours, and really enjoyed it. For years, many of us made fun of Michelle. Thought she was a boring stiff dancer in Destiny’s Child. She’s always had a great voice, and before becoming a Christian, I was not interested in her gospel music. Now, I’ve found that I do like her gospel songs, and after listening to her audiobook, I find that Michelle, as a person is someone I can relate to. If we ever had the pleasure of meeting, I could even be friends with her.

Depression is a real thing. There have been times when I wanted to end my life because I just didn’t feel there was any hope. And even since becoming saved, I felt the same way that there is no point but fortunately I don’t feel that way right now, and it was good to know that somebody who on the outside appears to have everything has gone through similar emotions that I have.

Checking in is not just a conversational title for a book. Michelle really breaks down how important it is to check in with yourself as well as the people in your trusted circle. Many times I’ve just glossed over my feelings and said I’m OK I’m OK but clearly, I wasn’t OK. Something I will take from this book is that I need to prioritize my emotions and evaluate and feel vulnerable.

This was an excellent book, and I would definitely check out anything else she writes.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty religious, which I was expecting going in, but at times it came across to me in a way that could be somewhat dangerous for some people (praying may solve some people's problems, but definitely not everyone's). However, there was a lot of laugh-out-loud humor, I love when other people are willing to speak out about their mental health struggles, and it was an absolute pleasure to learn about Michelle and hear her story. Thanks so much to the publisher for the galley! ☺️