Just Send the Text: An Expert's Guide to Letting Go of the Stress and Anxiety of Modern Dating

by Candice Jalili

Say goodbye to the crippling stress and anxiety that come with dating in the 2020s with the dating advice all single people need.

Have you ever convinced yourself that your crush is definitely not into you because they didn’t watch your Instagram story? Have you ever pretended that you didn’t want anything serious because you assumed your potential partner didn’t want anything serious with you? Have you ever spent hours figuring out the “perfect” response to your date’s text? Well Candice Jalili, senior sex and dating writer at Elite Daily , has done all of those things and she’s here to tell you to stop. Stop giving in to your anxieties and insecurities. Stop replaying and rehashing every interaction. Stop thinking that you’re not good enough exactly the way you are. Instead, take a deep breath and just send the text.

In today’s society, dating can be stressful. And Candice gets between social media, dating apps, the hookup culture, and just, you know, the patriarchy—there’s no denying it; dating is hard. But there’s no reason for dating to transform you into a ball of stress. Laid out in seven easy-to-follow steps, Just Send the Text will help you to let go of any dating-related stress and anxiety by accepting that, for the right person, just being yourself is more than enough.

The book is filled with helpful tips
-Don’t be afraid to block someone on social media
-Embrace dating apps as one of the many ways to meet a potential partner
-Stop wasting your time trying to convince someone you’re worthy of theirs
-Being vulnerable might hurt in the short-term, but it will benefit you in the long-run

Featuring first-person interviews with real women, visual aids, and compelling statistics, Just Send the Text will give you the courage to put yourself back out there, embrace dating once again, and find a real, authentic kind of love in today’s world.

Genres: Self Help, Relationships, Nonfiction, Psychology, Personal Development, Mental Health, Audiobook

208 pages, Paperback

First published February 2, 2021

About the author

Candice Jalili is an Iranian American writer whose work has appeared in Cosmopolitan, The Cut, Rolling Stone, Elite Daily, and more. Candice lives in New York City with her husband, where she is a convenient walk away from her cousins and childhood best friend. She grew up in the Bay Area and spends hours of her days FaceTiming her parents there.

Reviews

[Steven · Rating 2 out of 5]

So… I’m not going to lie, this reads like an elongated Cosmopolitan article. The content is HIGHLY targeted to straight women in their twenties, uses excessive internet/texting acronyms, and repeatedly demonstrates what not to do via a fictional “Eunice” character (spoiler alert: THIS GIMMICK GETS OLD FAST).

The author’s message is fully encapsulated in the title and I’m not sure further reading is necessary. The tone is kind of flippant and I am suspect of the advice given. While it can be freeing to express how you feel about someone and it is important to value your own time, I felt like the author encourages people to come on too strong too soon in many instances. A lot of dating research shows that “playing the game” (e.g., not being too available, not getting caught up too fast) actually generates interest and is more likely to lead to a relationship, as frustrating as that reality is. Honestly, I can see both points of view here. However, I will always distrust a book that specifically recommends ghosting someone!

If there is any silver lining, the author does include numerous examples of how to reframe our negative thoughts about dating into more balanced and healthy perspectives.

[Matt Powers · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this book! Candice has a great outlook on modern dating and a positive approach to being more open and intentional in your love life. I especially loved the stories about singles who are living their best life. This book helps you learn to trust you instincts more, open up to new dating possibilities and stop letting the fear of rejection get in your way.

[Richard Carilo · Rating 4 out of 5]

Critical Score: 4
Personal Score: 4
Total Score: 8

2023 Update: Solid reread... hit a little harder this go around (?)

[Ashley · Rating 2 out of 5]

just send the text to whom?? the mid dudes in Bonn?? not exactly thriving here

[Catharina Kremer · Rating 3 out of 5]

Fun how to guide for the anxious attachment girlies. Hope to find one for avoidant types too in a similar style though.

[Ariana · Rating 4 out of 5]

There were some really golden moments in this book. And a few pressure points - but in the best way possible!

[Elizabeth Plunkett · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just Send the Text by Candice Jalili is a fun examination of modern dating. Jalili delves into playing hard to get, the game and how this plays out over time throughout this conversational how to. The goal being to put aside any fronts or games and lay it all out there for good or bad. Jalili gives examples from friends and social media followers which she juxtaposes with a fictional standin for the reader named Eunice. Eunice is meant to sketch out all the of the bad habits we pick up in dating from social media stalking to pretending to like a guys hobbies and show a way to be happier by not sweating it. Throughout the book Jalili cites several studies showing the alarming impact these actions can have.

[Rukhsar (rukhsandbooks) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Overall an okay read. Normally I criticize these kinds of books noting that they should have remained a blog or a series of magazine articles but this book was compiled and structured well (at least compared to others I have read). The book definitely had some solid points but the repetitive and sometimes choppy writing style didn't work for me despite the collection of interesting points. I also felt like some of the examples didn't quite work with the point or theory being discussed. Also apparently, everyone is Jalili's "friend".

Another repetitive factor that irked me was the use of "with that number jumping up to... for ages 18-34" stats. The differences in percentages were often small and in the grand scheme of things it's possible those differences weren't even statistically significant. It would have been more effective if the specific stats were only shared for major differences to really make an impact and show their value. I have to say, between the pages of 1-208 annoyance with this sentence structure jumped up to 100!

I'm not sure I'd recommend this book. If you're sitting in a waiting room and it is the only content around then sure, skim through it, but given COVID I doubt you'll have the waiting room opportunity/experience. That being said, I did use the beginning of this book to convince my friend to text a girl he likes.

[Guppy · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really basic advice and I've heard all of it before! that said, I found it surprisingly helpful as a reminder, and the vast majority of the book spoke to my experiences in dating. I'll likely recommend this book to others, but I'll do it low key and coyly because it feels like a silly book to have to read as a 30 year old child.

[Mariagiulia · Rating 3 out of 5]

A metà tra un saggio e un self-help book sui downside del modern dating e sulle sue ripercussioni psicologiche. Una lettura piacevole ma leggera e tendenzialmente superficiale, nonostante i diversi studi riportati che non riescono più di tanto a portare valore aggiunto.

[Nina · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's not groundbreaking, but its okay.

[Sarah Burton · Rating 5 out of 5]

SO helpful and validating. I didn’t expect much from this book but it was really relevant and encouraging as well.

[ckm · Rating 5 out of 5]

是在失戀時看，會稍為打起精神的書。

[Emily · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just Send the Text by Candice Jalili is a must read for 2021!! I loved this book so much!!! It was really the best way to start of 2021. As a single young woman living in NYC, this book really helped me gain the confidence I needed. It makes me feel so empowered to read and Candice's advice is amazing. Just in time for valentine's day too....highly recommend!! 5 stars!!!

[Rita Cardeira · Rating 3 out of 5]

Finally a book that creates awareness of how people become self-conscious about having "the talk" in a relationship, about fear of rejection and how people sometimes create a persona to impress other people who we're hooking up with, or something, and how wrong that is. We should never be afraid or pretend to enjoy stuff we don't, just to make other person like us, because they will never like the real version of ourselves. And that person we create is just a demonstration of how fearful we are of being rejected by someone, and that we all just need to be aware of who we truly are, and be confident about that and our values.
Totally recommend, such an easy read, and very women power-ish.

[Lindsay Kaye Venable · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good for Younger Singles

I recommend this for younger singles (those in their 20s or early 30s), especially those who have a hard time with dating anxiety or feeling like they have to be somebody else. This book really emphasizes authenticity.

[lindsay · Rating 4 out of 5]

i read this book over a year ago, but i honestly think this book changed my life in a way.

[GleeGMJournal · Rating 1 out of 5]

Did not finish

[Ali · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book...
I really did like the overall message of the book. I thought there was a lot of really good content and advice and I've actually found it helpful in my own life and I plan to keep referring it until I become more comfortable with dating. I really can't re-iterate this enough, I think the message of this book is so so good, something I truly agree with and want to be more myself.
However,
There was lots of statistics continuously referred to in this book from a YouGov survey they did, and to be honest the results just weren't thatr significant. Especially it was continuously say 'and jumping to __ percent for 18-34 year olds' and it really wasn't that big a difference and really made me roll my eyes a lot. They really should have cut a lot of that out. I think a lot of the things they used to make the book seem more 'scientific' and 'researched' was absolutely garbage. The only bit that I did find useful is this short interview they did was a professor called Josephs, I though that was really interesting and useful.
There was also a lot of referring to this 'Eunice' character and it just got so old so fast it was really annoying. I think they were also trying too hard to make the book 'fun' by using slang and text speak throughout it and I found it so grating.
All that being said I'm still rating the book 4 stars. I honestly think its a worthwhile book for anyone with dating anxieties, the messaging is very useful and I truly plan (and have started!) using the teachings from it.

[Celeste Loia · Rating 4 out of 5]

For all of my anxious girlies out there consulting the group chat on how to respond to texts, checking if he watched your Insta story, or too afraid to tell him what you really want...this one is for you.

Lots of anecdotal stories shared (not just from the author), so if that's not your vibe, I'd probably skip the read.

"Who cares if they don't like me? I like me."

"On a basic human level, we all know that the scariest part of getting rejected isn't the possibility of losing the person rejecting us. No, the scariest part of getting rejected is the possibity that the rejection will break us. The idea that this person is going to deem us unworthy and that we're going to believe their assessment."

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was really cute!

its filled with little lists and illustrations that broke up the blocks of text. I would say that as someone who does struggle with anxiety around dating, I don't think I read a whole lot in here that I don't already know, but doesn't mean it wasn't an enjoyable read and a good reminder to put yourself out there.

3 stars!

*disclaimer* I did receive this arc as part of a giveaway but that in no way impacts the review.

[Caroline · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was written to absolute perfection, offering thorough research backed by statistical data. Jalili discusses the most pertinent issues of modern dating, addressing an array of problems and setbacks for women and men, young and old, single and in relationships. I can’t recommend this book enough and what a positive effect it had on my mental health. Do you yourself a favor and let this book give you the confidence you may not even know you needed!

[Jen · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really liked this book in terms of feeling empowered to be yourself. However the author relied very heavily on a survey of 254 women as evidence for what women do and experience. I’m not a statistician but that feels like such a small sample to me. I appreciate the use of evidence and also personal stories and I understand because I’ve experienced it too, but the heavy reliance on that survey was a sticking point for me.

[D · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is book is best for someone who is actually dating & currently texting during dating. I think it gave some good practical advice on the bigger picture of dating. It tells you to be authentic from the beginning, so that your relationship has the best chance of being right for each other. It was a little sophomoric in its delivery & use of current lingo, but I think this was written for people in their 20’s.

[Maggie Scanlon · Rating 4 out of 5]

Read this book in two days after hearing Candice talk on Girls Gotta Eat Podcast. She gives great advice pulling from her own experience and others that she interviewed for the book. I loved that she always reinforced the idea that this book is NOT about "getting the guy" but it's about female empowerment and taking the anxiety out of dating.

[Mary Popoff · Rating 4 out of 5]

Finished in one sitting and thoroughly enjoyed it. Yes some of it was cliched dating advice but cliches are cliches for a reason…because they’re TRUE and we all need reminders of those truths sometimes. It really was so refreshing, felt like a weight was lifted off my shoulders, one that i know i am not carrying alone! So many people go through this exhausting shit! I’m not crazy!

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This modern dating guide certainly used lots of "millennial speak", which I found awkward, endearing, and amusing in equal parts. Much of the book consists of self-empowerment language that can certainly be overdone, but I think the core message is worth understanding.

[Alexa Hines · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a fun book on modern dating!! I felt much calmer knowing there were other ladies out there that felt the same way I did about dating, boys and “what-ifs”. I loved diving into Candice’s steps and feel confident and ready for the future.

[Jacqueline · Rating 5 out of 5]

I LOVED THIS BOOK. Honestly, as an anxious girly I am going to use this advice for all relationships and social interactions and not just to dating. Candice has really great advice while also conveying that she understands that it is easier said than done.

[B · Rating 5 out of 5]

A must-read for anyone single or in a new relationship. It was fun and easy to digest and just perfect.