A Woman, a Plan, an Outline of a Man

by Sarah Kasbeer

A modern exploration of growing up female—and its aftermath. In this moving debut, one woman picks up the pieces of the typical all-American girlhood.

With wry humor and raw emotion, Sarah Kasbeer re-examines the most painful experiences of her youth, including a violent boyfriend and a sexual assault. Her vivid descriptions of growing up in Illinois recall the coming-of-age memoirs of Mary Karr, but written for the #MeToo era.

As an adult living in New York during this clarifying cultural moment, she has no choice but to reckon with her trauma. Artful and entertaining, these essays explore sexuality, desire, privilege, shame, and the ways we find to heal.

Genres: Essays, Memoir, Nonfiction, Feminism

161 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2020

About the author

Sarah Kasbeer is an essayist and fiction writer living in New York City. Her work has appeared in Creative Nonfiction, The Cut, Dissent, Elle, Guernica, Jezebel, Longreads, The Normal School, The Rumpus, and many other places.

A Woman, a Plan, an Outline of a Man (Zone 3 Press, 2020) is her first book.

Reviews

[Adam Dalva · Rating 5 out of 5]

I adored this essay collection - sharp, often moving, really good and weird.

[Anwen Hayward · Rating 4 out of 5]

ARC received via the publisher and Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.

First and foremost, Kasbeer is an excellent writer and I appreciate her candour and honesty in these essays. It's no easy thing to write about your life in such a raw and open way. The essays in this collection which stood out are, not coincidentally, the ones in which Kasbeer writes about the parts of her life that have wounded her most grievously. 'Lovers' in particular was a really excellent essay about recovering from trauma, and I also really enjoyed 'On the Edge of Seventeen'. 'One Man's Trash' was great, too; I loved seeing behind the glamorous veil of the world of the fashion magazines, a la Ugly Betty. Those were the standouts, in my opinion, and not just because they're topics that I have the most interest in. I also really enjoyed Kasbeer's turn of phrase in general, and found myself highlighting several lines in each essay because I loved her use of language. I haven't read her work before, but this book has definitely convinced me that I ought to.

I did feel like a lot of the essays sort of just fizzled out; they seemed to be building up to a point, and then just stopped. There also didn't seem to be an overarching theme, with some essays delving into the nuance of trauma and recovery, and others just meandering around Kasbeer's life. I wonder if this is because they were edited from their original publication, or because they're not designed to work together cohesively as a collection.

I read an ARC so I don't know if this was corrected in later editions, but Kasbeer also has a tendency to use classical allusions but get them a bit wrong - she references the myth of Apollo and Daphne as recounted in Ovid's Metamorphoses and claims that Eros is the Roman version of Cupid at one point (it's actually the other way round, sort of, insofar as Roman gods aren't really 'versions' of the Greek gods at all, but Eros is very much Greek.) She also makes reference to Aristophanes' speech in Plato's Symposium in a way that doesn't really engage with the actual meaning and mode of the text, and also confuses the roles of eros and philia. I do happen to be a classicist so I have a bit of a sore spot for people misusing classical allusions; it tends to be done in an attempt to look very clever and to add weight to a text, but it comes across as clunky when it's not done with a real understanding of the allusions themselves. Still, I recognise that this is a bit of a personal gripe, although I do think it should probably have been fact-checked.

I would really have liked this to have been longer, because Kasbeer has such an engaging voice and way of writing. I'll very happily pick up anything else she writes, and I'm really gunning for a full length, 300+ pages book of essays, or a really meaty memoir about her days as a PA, because I think that would be great.

[Mira Ptacin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant and hilarious, tender and sharp. A most excellent essay collection that I highly recommend.

[Adora · Rating 5 out of 5]

All anyone really wants is to be seen and heard, and yet we avoid seeing and hearing others every day. Even among families, there are limits to what we can expect to receive from others. Sometimes we're left carrying our own stories, like oceans inside us--pasts we cannot kill with neglect like some under-watered houseplant.

4.5 stars. This essay collection is going to stick with me. These essays largely center on Sarah Kasbeer processing her own trauma, and therefore I find them hard to review. But I think they were so successful because for the most part, they were deeply personal and specific. This gave the essays a raw honesty where I still found many things to relate to, and many quotes that pierced me with their simplicity.

It took me a while to become fully immersed, but I blame that on myself; I don't read a lot of essay or short story collections. What stood out to me is that there wasn't a single bad or skippable essay, although my favorites were "Apollo's Revelation", "A Woman, A Plan, An Outline of a Man", and "Lovers".

TW for rape, domestic violence, and stalking.

[Suzanne Ondrus · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is another good book for women's studies or for those people who do not understand the #metoo movement-those people who say they do not understand why victims do not come forward right away. This author is very brave. She goes to very vulnerable territory, such as her account of rape that is simultaneously a wish for the man to stop and concurrently her body experiencing orgasm as he goes down on her. She also shares with us her close relationship to stuffed animals and how they aid in her healing from this rape a decade later.
I thought the essay "Lovers" was the most vulnerable, exposing how this rape ten years later infiltrates into her good marriage and takes away her sex life as she experiences PTSD.
Also, "On the Edge of Seventeen" chronicles her first bad relationship with an abusive partner. I still wondered why and how she chose to be with this abusive man as a teen. She has a good father it seems. Maybe it is attraction to machoism. Also, the book's title story was also wonderful, as the author reveals going to a shooting range to shoot at a human outline while thinking of her rapist. This collection would pair well with Roxanne Gay's anthology on the Me too movement.

[Jade · Rating 5 out of 5]

These essays will always stay with me and have a place in my heart. They are both raw and funny. This is my new favorite book and will forever stay on my nightstand. All of these essays are centered around the trauma and transformation Sarah Kasbeer has gone through and continues to work through. I found all of these essays deeply personal and some very relatable. Reading the entire collection of essays in one sitting was a must because I found all of them so gripping and I cannot wait to read more of their work. I cannot put into words how much I needed this book right now and to know that there are other people going through and feeling the same things I have. Sarah discusses the abusive boyfriends, sexual assaults, feelings of isolation and shame, as well as trust and friendship many people have gone through. I love that Sarah discusses their current healthy relationship and finding ways to release not only the anger but also the blame they put on themselves.

I would definitely recommend this book and will look for more of Sarah Kasbeer's work the next time I'm in a bookstore.

[Calie Benke]

Something I really admire about A Woman, a Plan, an Outline of a Man is Kasbeer's striking honesty about her journey in healing from trauma. While you spend the beginning of the memoir getting to know Kasbeer through some traumatic glimpses of her life, it's not until you reach the middle of the memoir that you truly begin to see her stories shine. Like an avalanche suddenly comes crashing down, Kasbeer throws open her doors and sweeps you away with what truly defines her process of healing. From recounting her sex therapy sessions, to showcasing her reliance on puppets as a means of coping, Kasbeer crumples up the shame society prescribes onto trauma victims and throws it in the trash, proving to readers how every healing process is different, how hard it is to face one's past, and how the journey to healing can be very painful, but also very possible.

[Sophs · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was free and sent to me an an ARC on NetGalley. However, all reviews are of my own opinions.

*TW for rape, stalking and sexual assault*.

Memoirs are hard to rate, just because I feel rating someone’s life isn’t right - it’s not something to be played with. However, rating the book can sometimes be easier if you’re able to relate to it. This was a raw recollection of Sarah’s trauma and her trying to process/deal with it throughout the years.

Some sections were harder to read than others. Some essays found it easier to pick up relatable sections. Most of the book was relatable for me, sadly. Hearing other perspectives can sometimes help you put your own thoughts and feelings down.

[Masa M. · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was drawn A woman, A plan, An outline of a man after reading it's blurb and as someone who takes intrest in reading essays on feminism and the #MeToo movement I felt it would enjoy it. I found the book easy to get into and Kasbeer's writting style leaves you wanting to find out more.

I found a few essay more moving and touching but overall I enjoyed reading them all. It was intresting finding out about different area of Kasbeer's life and it helped give a better understanding of her.

I would recommend reading A Woman, A Plan, an Outline of a Man.

I received a review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Faith O'Malley · Rating 5 out of 5]

*Disclaimer* I received an Advance Review Copy of this book through a Goodreads contest.
I read this book all in one sitting this evening because I couldn’t put it down once I started. Sarah touches on feminism and working through trauma and does so in a way that I found to be really relatable. I highly recommend!

[Anastasia · Rating 3 out of 5]

An excellent and sometimes really hard read on Sarah Kasbeer life events. It is a collection of short stories, therefore some events come across as repetitive, yet her openess about trama and her life events is really to be appreciated.

[Becky · Rating 5 out of 5]

Read 90% of this while waiting for a train. Finished the final 10% in a taxi just now. Oh. My. God. I adored this entire collection. Perfection. Vulnerable and dazzling, these essays spoke to me at my core.

[Deirdre Sugiuchi · Rating 5 out of 5]

Incredible essay collection.

[Roxanne · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a collection of essays about the experiences of womanhood. It was a very emotional read.

[Mandy Hazen · Rating 5 out of 5]

You would think if you read one book about growing up as a woman you have read them all. But this book proves that is not true. So many truths and so well written. Powerful and inspiring. I received an advance review copy for free, and I am leaving this review voluntarily.

[Brad · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sarah Kasbeer's book was one of my favorite essay collections from 2020. Both funny and excruciatingly honest, A Woman, a Plan, an Outline of a Man is an examination of not only of how violence can shape women's lives, but also how the healing continues to impact the lives of women and those around them.

I have a difficult time articulating the narrative themes in this essay collection because it's so deeply personal and beautiful, and very much unlike much of what I've read before. Here's what the publisher said:

With wry humor and raw emotion, Sarah Kasbeer re-examines the most painful experiences of her youth, including a violent boyfriend and a sexual assault...Artful and entertaining, these essays explore sexuality, desire, privilege, shame, and the ways we find to heal.

But for me, that description doesn't quite capture what Kasbeer did. Her book is a non-linear memoir told through intimate essays that explores all of those ideas—sexuality, desire, privilege, shame, healing—while also pulling her lens back to examine the aftermath—for her and the people in her life, including her partner—of that violence and healing.

I can't express how much I admire Kasbeer's willingness to lay bare who she is—and who she was—as she tells her story. Without giving away too much, I'll say this: She opens up every part of her life in these essays, laying out the emotions and events that so many of us try to keep out of the light. And in doing so, she paints a picture of not only a woman in full, but also a culture that shaped her.

You can listen to my conversation with Sarah on Episode 108 of The Downtown Writers Jam podcast.

[Kaitlyn · Rating 5 out of 5]

A piercing collection of emotional essays worth every minute of your time. It's a short collection of essays, but I found it very easy to spend a long time devouring and reflecting on each essay.

Many thanks to Sarah for sending me a copy.