Grieving the Death of a Friend

by Harold Ivan Smith

The death of a friend is one of the most significant but unrecognized experiences of grief in American culture. In this unique book, Harold Ivan Smith guides the reader to move with rather than against the natural grief process as he explores its many aspects, including the friending, the passing, the burying, the mourning, the remembering, and the reconciling.

Genres: Nonfiction

176 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 1996

About the author

Harold Ivan Smith, 1947-

Harold Ivan Smith, MA, ED.S., FT, DMin, is a national speaker, noted author, experienced counselor and grief educator. He has presented bereavement workshops across the country, training more than 20,000 professionals and lay caregivers during a thirty-year career. Seminar and conference attendees rave about interactions with Harold Ivan, and his insightful gifts of helping, healing, and facilitating grief.

A prolific writer, he has authored dozens of books and resources, included best seller, A Decembered Grief: Living with Loss When Others are Celebrating. Also among his titles are Griefkeeping: Learning How Long Grief Lasts; ABCs of Healthy Bereavement; Grievers Ask, When You Don’t Know What to Say; When Your Friend Dies; Finding Your Way to Say Goodbye: Comfort for the Dying and Those Who Care for Them; and Grieving the Death of a Father. His newest book, Using Biographical and Historical Grief Narratives With The Bereaving (Routledge).

He is also an authority of the griefs of American Presidents and First Ladies. He facilitates Grief Gatherings, an innovative storytelling program at Saint Luke’s Hospital in Kansas City, Missouri, where he is a member of the teaching faculty. Harold Ivan is active in the Association for Death Education and Counseling (ADEC) and is designated a Fellow in Thanatology (FT).

Reviews

[Emi Yoshida · Rating 3 out of 5]

I'm grieving the death of a friend prematurely, she's dying of cancer and this title grabbed me. I found comfort in reading this not just as it relates to my aforementioned friend but to other losses as well. Harold Ivan Smith has done a remarkable job compiling quotes from noted "survivor-friend" or "friend-grievers," as he calls them and I appreciate his recognition of this population being treated differently than family members at the time of a loved one's departure. I have never experienced or witnessed the kind of exclusion or derision that he describes, my heart aches for him having been through that.

I agree that "morticians, ministers, florists, personnel directors, and greeting card manufacturers" should definitely fully recognize "friendgrief," but I don't think his proposed term friender will catch on akin to widow and widower though. I do love the advice given in this book, particularly the list at the end.

Here are just a few of the oh so many quotable quotes contained in this book:
Friends are God's apology for relatives - Hugh Kingsmill
FEEL your pain. Feel YOUR pain. Feel your PAIN - Patrick J. Farmer
when something in you cries out at the continual presence of an absence - Anna Quindlen
Blessed are those who mourn thoroughly - Harold Ivan Smith

[Ann · Rating 4 out of 5]

In a culture which focuses grief work on families and relatives of the dead and dying and often neglects the real loss to friends, this books provides precious wisdom and comfort for those who have lost a friend.