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Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent's Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground
No matter who we are or where we come from, we all play on the same playground. There are certain collective societal messages we hear growing up that we either consciously or subconsciously believe. As a result, we develop certain belief systems from which we operate our lives.
Raising LGBTQ Allies sheds light on the deeper, multi-faceted layers of homophobia. It opens up a conversation with parents around the possibility they may have an LGBTQ child, and shows how heteronormativity can be harmful if not addressed clearly and early. Although not every parent will have an LGBTQ child, their child will jump rope or play tag with a child who is LGBTQ.
By showing readers the importance of having open and authentic conversations with children at a young age, Chris Tompkins walks parents through the many ways they can prevent new generations from adopting homophobic and transphobic beliefs, while helping them explore their own subconscious biases.
Offering specific actions parents, family members, and caregivers can take to help navigate conversations, address heteronormativity, and challenge societal beliefs, Raising LGBTQ Allies serves as a guide to help normalize being LGBTQ from a young age. Creating allies and a world where closets don't exist happens one child at a time. And it begins with each of us and what we say, as much as what we choose not to say.
Raising LGBTQ Allies sheds light on the deeper, multi-faceted layers of homophobia. It opens up a conversation with parents around the possibility they may have an LGBTQ child, and shows how heteronormativity can be harmful if not addressed clearly and early. Although not every parent will have an LGBTQ child, their child will jump rope or play tag with a child who is LGBTQ.
By showing readers the importance of having open and authentic conversations with children at a young age, Chris Tompkins walks parents through the many ways they can prevent new generations from adopting homophobic and transphobic beliefs, while helping them explore their own subconscious biases.
Offering specific actions parents, family members, and caregivers can take to help navigate conversations, address heteronormativity, and challenge societal beliefs, Raising LGBTQ Allies serves as a guide to help normalize being LGBTQ from a young age. Creating allies and a world where closets don't exist happens one child at a time. And it begins with each of us and what we say, as much as what we choose not to say.
256 pages, Hardcover
Published May 14, 2021
14 people are currently reading
262 people want to read
About the author
Chris Tompkins
1 book6 followersChris Tompkins is an LGBTQ-affirming therapist who specializes in gay men’s identity and religious trauma. He’s also author of the 2024 APA Distinguished Book Award winning book, Raising LGBTQ Allies: A Parent’s Guide to Changing the Messages from the Playground. His work has been featured on TEDx, NBC, HuffPost, Psychology Today, the Advocate, and more. When he’s not writing, you can find him at the beach or eating guacamole—sometimes both.
Catch up with Chris on his website, https://www.aroadtriptolove.com, or find him on Instagram and Twitter: @aroadtriptolove
Catch up with Chris on his website, https://www.aroadtriptolove.com, or find him on Instagram and Twitter: @aroadtriptolove
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 37 reviews
May 14, 2021
I started reading this book just after Arkansas prohibited physicians from providing gender affirming treatment for trans people under 18. On the one hand we’re releasing books like this, and on the other hand we’re going back in time? I couldn’t believe it, especially that in the news ‘the first state’ was emphasized. So there will be more? I’m not an American citizen, but I was shocked.
About this book itself, I have mixed feelings. I find it hard to rate it because the message is really, really strong and important, and on the other side, I didn’t always like the execution. So, what do I rate? The message? The execution? Or both? I decided to choose the latter. If I would have chosen only the message then it would have been a five-star rating without a doubt.
First of all, let me focus on what I liked. This book is about the importance of being nonjudgmental and accept differences instead of fearing them. A lot of what’s being said does not only apply to gender or sexuality, but also to people of color, people with a disorder or disability, and more. The most important message is that we need to learn to be nonjudgmental from a very young age (from the playground).
I saw that children will learn anything we teach them. They can learn acceptance just as easily as intolerance.
This book contains a lot of information and facts, and can make readers wonder about their own behavior towards LGBTQ people. Raising LGBTQ Allies made me reflect on my own judgements. I don’t want to judge other people but you know what? It won’t be a surprise that I do. And I bet you do too. We all do, if it’s about gender or sexuality, color, disorder or disability, or whatever. We all call another weird sometimes. We all have so many prejudices.
What I liked less, were parts of the execution. I found the book a little repetitive. Telling constantly what’s in this chapter and what in the next irritated me and I skipped the exercises. The cover and the title make this book approachable, and therefore someone could easily pick it up out of curiosity. I certainly did. Yet, I started to dislike the book a little after the first chapter. It ended with some kind of prayer or meditation. ‘I am willing to’... Not one sentence but a lot. It might have worked as an example, to visualize that we need to unlearn things and face our fears like going to the AA. But as some kind of exercise, in my opinion, it felt way over the top.
I believe this book would work better if it had been written like a story instead of a report, a text book or a self help book (As we learned in chapter 2 ...). Skip the exercises, skip all those references to other chapters. Make the book a ‘flowing’ story. Put the exercises at the end of the book (or don’t use them at all).
Because of the execution I rate it 3 stars. The message itself definitely deserves more.
I received an ARC from Rowman & Littlefield Publishers and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
About this book itself, I have mixed feelings. I find it hard to rate it because the message is really, really strong and important, and on the other side, I didn’t always like the execution. So, what do I rate? The message? The execution? Or both? I decided to choose the latter. If I would have chosen only the message then it would have been a five-star rating without a doubt.
First of all, let me focus on what I liked. This book is about the importance of being nonjudgmental and accept differences instead of fearing them. A lot of what’s being said does not only apply to gender or sexuality, but also to people of color, people with a disorder or disability, and more. The most important message is that we need to learn to be nonjudgmental from a very young age (from the playground).
I saw that children will learn anything we teach them. They can learn acceptance just as easily as intolerance.
This book contains a lot of information and facts, and can make readers wonder about their own behavior towards LGBTQ people. Raising LGBTQ Allies made me reflect on my own judgements. I don’t want to judge other people but you know what? It won’t be a surprise that I do. And I bet you do too. We all do, if it’s about gender or sexuality, color, disorder or disability, or whatever. We all call another weird sometimes. We all have so many prejudices.
What I liked less, were parts of the execution. I found the book a little repetitive. Telling constantly what’s in this chapter and what in the next irritated me and I skipped the exercises. The cover and the title make this book approachable, and therefore someone could easily pick it up out of curiosity. I certainly did. Yet, I started to dislike the book a little after the first chapter. It ended with some kind of prayer or meditation. ‘I am willing to’... Not one sentence but a lot. It might have worked as an example, to visualize that we need to unlearn things and face our fears like going to the AA. But as some kind of exercise, in my opinion, it felt way over the top.
I believe this book would work better if it had been written like a story instead of a report, a text book or a self help book (As we learned in chapter 2 ...). Skip the exercises, skip all those references to other chapters. Make the book a ‘flowing’ story. Put the exercises at the end of the book (or don’t use them at all).
Because of the execution I rate it 3 stars. The message itself definitely deserves more.
I received an ARC from Rowman & Littlefield Publishers and NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.
March 22, 2021
I don’t care who you are. This is such a necessary read. If you’re sure you’re an ally, if you’re not out, if you are out, if you’re homophobic or queerphobic, if you’re in denial about being anything (like the “I don’t see color” people). You need to read this book. You need to understand the biases we all have at some level or point in our lives, intentional or not, and how to do better for ourselves and those around us. I teared up and outright cried a few times while reading this, but I still kept going. Why? Because learning isn’t always easy. I’m 100% an ally and I would like to think that I’m doing the right thing by everyone I encounter, and yet this book made me stop and wonder many times. Am I hurting someone else by making casual remarks that carry assumptions to cause shame? Am I actively showing another that I truly am the person I think I am? Most importantly, am I showing that person that they are safe and loved and can be free of shame around me? These are all so important to acknowledge and work to recognize or change, especially if we truly believe that all souls are worthy.
This author did such a fabulous job in reminding me of the importance of words and actions, thought and deed, that I would thank him personally if ever given the chance. Because some of the people he mentions in this book are people I’ve known. Not these specific people, but friends or family or acquaintances with their exact story or worries or fears. And to put all of these fears out there for the world to share in shows a bravery and authenticity that so many people, young and old alike, need in the world and in their lives. And people need to examine themselves. Not all change is easy, but many times it is necessary. And this book can help guide you in your journey to be truly accepting and loving and worthy of the stories and trust of those around you.
This author did such a fabulous job in reminding me of the importance of words and actions, thought and deed, that I would thank him personally if ever given the chance. Because some of the people he mentions in this book are people I’ve known. Not these specific people, but friends or family or acquaintances with their exact story or worries or fears. And to put all of these fears out there for the world to share in shows a bravery and authenticity that so many people, young and old alike, need in the world and in their lives. And people need to examine themselves. Not all change is easy, but many times it is necessary. And this book can help guide you in your journey to be truly accepting and loving and worthy of the stories and trust of those around you.
July 27, 2021
Great background on the trauma of being LGBTQ but lite on actual guidance and practical techniques to change the messages on the playground.
August 26, 2021
Thank you to Netgalley and Dreamscape Media for access to this audiobook!
Raising LGBTQ Allies is a great resource for parents of both openly LGBTQIA+ and presumed cisgender heterosexual children. Chris Tompkins uses his own personal experience as a gay man and facts and statistics from reliable sources. While this is geared towards parents AND teachers, it is centered quite a bit in religion. Obviously teachers can internalize the message if they have religious qualms with the queer community, but it’s not something teachers can bring to the classroom directly.
Raising LGBTQ Allies is a great resource for parents of both openly LGBTQIA+ and presumed cisgender heterosexual children. Chris Tompkins uses his own personal experience as a gay man and facts and statistics from reliable sources. While this is geared towards parents AND teachers, it is centered quite a bit in religion. Obviously teachers can internalize the message if they have religious qualms with the queer community, but it’s not something teachers can bring to the classroom directly.
February 21, 2023
Anyone who has kids, works with kids, or is around kids should read this book.
July 27, 2021
As a member of the LGBTQIA+ community, I wanted to consume this book even though I am not yet a parent. Many of us have children in our lives, and I think we can all gain something from this "parent guidebook." There are so many lessons and messages that I think adults all around me can benefit from. We all have our subconscious biases (even myself as a member of the community), and Chris Tompkins points out some of the ways that we can "unlearn" them, and present information differently to the generation we as a society are raising.
"I saw that children will learn anything we teach them. They can learn acceptance just as easily as intolerance.
Tompkins speaks in length about the heteronormative and gendered ways we talk to children. He gives many examples of how we can raise our children not to think as members of the LGBTQIA+ community as "different," just that those individuals may have a "difference" from you/them. Tompkins also gives many examples of how our language still sends a message to children and others that members of the LGBTQ community "need accepting," which means that there is something to "accept" or "bad." Even as a LGBTQ individual who consumes a lot of queer content, I still learned some things about the way I think or speak about myself. I think this is a book that is easy to consume, and that we can all learn something from.
I only rated this a 4 because of the repetitive nature, and I personally didn't love the exercises in the audiobook.
"I saw that children will learn anything we teach them. They can learn acceptance just as easily as intolerance.
Tompkins speaks in length about the heteronormative and gendered ways we talk to children. He gives many examples of how we can raise our children not to think as members of the LGBTQIA+ community as "different," just that those individuals may have a "difference" from you/them. Tompkins also gives many examples of how our language still sends a message to children and others that members of the LGBTQ community "need accepting," which means that there is something to "accept" or "bad." Even as a LGBTQ individual who consumes a lot of queer content, I still learned some things about the way I think or speak about myself. I think this is a book that is easy to consume, and that we can all learn something from.
I only rated this a 4 because of the repetitive nature, and I personally didn't love the exercises in the audiobook.
November 26, 2024
Going to be honest. I didn't buy the book, Chris gave it to me - one gay author to another, sort of thing. However, I would have bought it for my work as a gay life coach and have since recommended it to many many many people.
His heart, soul, truth, invites us all - woke and non-woke - to embrace each others place in the world with empathy and understanding, not hate!!!
From the messages we get on the playground to the messages being cast about as political trigger points, it's time to stop the hate and learn the love and acceptance of we are all just people. Chris is a master at uniting us with thoughts and ideas of how well can play nicely together in the playground of life.
His heart, soul, truth, invites us all - woke and non-woke - to embrace each others place in the world with empathy and understanding, not hate!!!
From the messages we get on the playground to the messages being cast about as political trigger points, it's time to stop the hate and learn the love and acceptance of we are all just people. Chris is a master at uniting us with thoughts and ideas of how well can play nicely together in the playground of life.
May 13, 2022
3⭐ - It was good
This is a book many should read, even if you don't have kids or you don't work with them.
It has good lines and things to think about.
But. It started to be a bit repetitive in the end. Still, it's not long, so doesn't really feel too bad
This is a book many should read, even if you don't have kids or you don't work with them.
It has good lines and things to think about.
But. It started to be a bit repetitive in the end. Still, it's not long, so doesn't really feel too bad
September 4, 2023
Helpful
This was a great way to reset my mind and hello to remove some of the internalized issues that I have. I do speak to my kids about the topics, but there are great conversation started in here. I think anyone with kids should read this book.
This was a great way to reset my mind and hello to remove some of the internalized issues that I have. I do speak to my kids about the topics, but there are great conversation started in here. I think anyone with kids should read this book.
April 3, 2023
I’m actually quite disappointed, because I truly wanted to like this book and was very excited to read it. Being a bisexual woman, mother, and someone who works in childcare, it was an easy choice to pick it up at the library. Bringing it back and not purchasing my own copy will be another easy choice.
This book is presented as a parenting book, but actually has very little to do with parenting until the last couple of chapters. The author focuses mainly on what stigmas surround the LGBTQIA+ community, and how these stigmas can and do harm LGBTQIA+ youth. While a lot of what he said was true, I really wish he had relied more on studies done in this area than anecdotal evidence. Some studies were cited, but not many. At one point, he quoted another book in which the author of that book was explaining the results of a study. I was very confused why he didn’t just look up the study, read it himself, and cite that instead. Additionally, the writing was very unorganized and repetitive which made it difficult to get through.
One thing that he repeatedly does that bothered me specifically was to keep bringing children’s’ attention to the negative words they’ve been called at school as a result of bullying, and even structuring an entire exercise for children to do just that. While I agree that they should tell an adult and be honest about what they’re being called, I don’t think using that as a repetitive activity is as mentally healthy as he presents. It is good to know specifically what our children are being bullied about so that we can affirm for them that those things aren’t true (or that they are and that’s okay) through our words and actions, but that affirmation is what should have been the focus — not the bullying itself.
My last criticism has to do with his exercises and suggestions for how to breach this topic with your children. As someone who has worked with children in many capacities for many years, I can guarantee getting a them to sit and participate in most of these activities is very far-fetched. In a school setting, it’s possible, but kids at home want to let loose and play. These exercises mimic homework for them more than play. I do wish that he had incorporated ways that we can connect with our children on this subject through play, such as the books he suggested (which were very good suggestions, so that’s a positive). That’s the best way to get children to learn is to make it fun for them, not make them sit down and write a bunch of random words on a piece of paper.
Now, for some of the things I did enjoy.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the email from his mother. How she explained reconciling her faith around her son’s sexuality was absolutely beautiful, and seeing the journey she went on (challenging her own long held beliefs, losing friends, switching churches multiple times) was a lovely testament to how much she values her children.
Last, I liked how the author revealed his HIV status. As a gay man, I’m sure it was incredibly difficult to come to that decision, knowing he would then be stereotyped. That shows incredible bravery and fortitude on his part. He mentioned how the shame around HIV is what keeps it alive — either shame of getting tested to begin with so people continue to spread it to others unknowingly, or shame to disclose their status before a sexual act (though that’s an action I find abhorrent, and therefor don’t have much sympathy for). I commend him for having the courage to share this, and I do hope that can encourage someone else to do the same to break the stigma and alleviate the shame around the diagnosis.
This book is presented as a parenting book, but actually has very little to do with parenting until the last couple of chapters. The author focuses mainly on what stigmas surround the LGBTQIA+ community, and how these stigmas can and do harm LGBTQIA+ youth. While a lot of what he said was true, I really wish he had relied more on studies done in this area than anecdotal evidence. Some studies were cited, but not many. At one point, he quoted another book in which the author of that book was explaining the results of a study. I was very confused why he didn’t just look up the study, read it himself, and cite that instead. Additionally, the writing was very unorganized and repetitive which made it difficult to get through.
One thing that he repeatedly does that bothered me specifically was to keep bringing children’s’ attention to the negative words they’ve been called at school as a result of bullying, and even structuring an entire exercise for children to do just that. While I agree that they should tell an adult and be honest about what they’re being called, I don’t think using that as a repetitive activity is as mentally healthy as he presents. It is good to know specifically what our children are being bullied about so that we can affirm for them that those things aren’t true (or that they are and that’s okay) through our words and actions, but that affirmation is what should have been the focus — not the bullying itself.
My last criticism has to do with his exercises and suggestions for how to breach this topic with your children. As someone who has worked with children in many capacities for many years, I can guarantee getting a them to sit and participate in most of these activities is very far-fetched. In a school setting, it’s possible, but kids at home want to let loose and play. These exercises mimic homework for them more than play. I do wish that he had incorporated ways that we can connect with our children on this subject through play, such as the books he suggested (which were very good suggestions, so that’s a positive). That’s the best way to get children to learn is to make it fun for them, not make them sit down and write a bunch of random words on a piece of paper.
Now, for some of the things I did enjoy.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading the email from his mother. How she explained reconciling her faith around her son’s sexuality was absolutely beautiful, and seeing the journey she went on (challenging her own long held beliefs, losing friends, switching churches multiple times) was a lovely testament to how much she values her children.
Last, I liked how the author revealed his HIV status. As a gay man, I’m sure it was incredibly difficult to come to that decision, knowing he would then be stereotyped. That shows incredible bravery and fortitude on his part. He mentioned how the shame around HIV is what keeps it alive — either shame of getting tested to begin with so people continue to spread it to others unknowingly, or shame to disclose their status before a sexual act (though that’s an action I find abhorrent, and therefor don’t have much sympathy for). I commend him for having the courage to share this, and I do hope that can encourage someone else to do the same to break the stigma and alleviate the shame around the diagnosis.
July 17, 2021
“If they’re old enough to know what a girlfriend is, they’re old enough to know about the LGBTQ community” - I’m paraphrasing here because since I have this as an audio, I’m unsure of the exact quote - but this is the gist of it. I love this. My aunt has a wife. I have always been truthful about this with my boys. In fact, my two oldest were at her wedding. I’ve been told my children are too young to be exposed to that lifestyle while at the same time, these people are teasing my boys (at ages 7, 6 & 5) about their “girlfriends”. If that’s okay, how are they too young to know the truth behind my aunt and her wife?
We do live in a heteronormative society and this is where that attitude comes from. I’m open and honest about the LGBTQ family members I have - especially when the kids ask. It’s something I’m doing to do my part in normalizing anything that isn’t the standard cisgender heterosexual.
This has been one of my favorite “parenting” books I’ve read so far. It helps give me insight into ensuring that my children are given the tools to be effective allies - or to know that their mom is an ally for them if they are members themselves. This is a great book whether you’re a parent or not. It talks about how to be an effective ally and how to discover if you really are an ally yourself. It’s uncomfortable, but necessary for many of us.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - only because when the audiobook is slowed down to 1x (the standard), he speaks so slowly that it is actually boring and takes away from the story.
Shoutout to NetGalley for the audiobook copy of this one!
We do live in a heteronormative society and this is where that attitude comes from. I’m open and honest about the LGBTQ family members I have - especially when the kids ask. It’s something I’m doing to do my part in normalizing anything that isn’t the standard cisgender heterosexual.
This has been one of my favorite “parenting” books I’ve read so far. It helps give me insight into ensuring that my children are given the tools to be effective allies - or to know that their mom is an ally for them if they are members themselves. This is a great book whether you’re a parent or not. It talks about how to be an effective ally and how to discover if you really are an ally yourself. It’s uncomfortable, but necessary for many of us.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ - only because when the audiobook is slowed down to 1x (the standard), he speaks so slowly that it is actually boring and takes away from the story.
Shoutout to NetGalley for the audiobook copy of this one!
July 29, 2021
Wow. An excellent book for ALL parents to read.
Chris walks you through many practical ways that parents and adults who have children in their lives can make small and big changes to not only make their child feel love and supported as a LGBTQ+ youth, but also show kids how to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ children they will meet on playgrounds and within their community.
We all have learned gender roles, biases, and homophobic thoughts. Many LGBTQ+ children internalize that homophobia and carry it with them their whole lives. By addressing our own homophobia, we can help stop from passing that one to our kids, and also give them the tools they need to work through any they may internalize.
So many parents think their kids are too young to talk about being queer, much like they think their kids are too young to talk about racism. The fact of the matter is, that if kids are young enough to understand that people have boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives, then they are old enough to talk about the different ways in which people can be partnered. We as parents need to move past our own discomfort and homophobia to have these important conversations with our kids. The longer we stay silent, the more we pass on the message that anything other than heteronormativity is wrong/strange/weird/taboo/not ok.
This is a great tool for any adult who wants to be a more conscious caregiver.
***Thank you to Dreamscape Media for providing me with a copy of the audiobook for free via NetGalley for an unbiased review.
Chris walks you through many practical ways that parents and adults who have children in their lives can make small and big changes to not only make their child feel love and supported as a LGBTQ+ youth, but also show kids how to be an ally to the LGBTQ+ children they will meet on playgrounds and within their community.
We all have learned gender roles, biases, and homophobic thoughts. Many LGBTQ+ children internalize that homophobia and carry it with them their whole lives. By addressing our own homophobia, we can help stop from passing that one to our kids, and also give them the tools they need to work through any they may internalize.
So many parents think their kids are too young to talk about being queer, much like they think their kids are too young to talk about racism. The fact of the matter is, that if kids are young enough to understand that people have boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives, then they are old enough to talk about the different ways in which people can be partnered. We as parents need to move past our own discomfort and homophobia to have these important conversations with our kids. The longer we stay silent, the more we pass on the message that anything other than heteronormativity is wrong/strange/weird/taboo/not ok.
This is a great tool for any adult who wants to be a more conscious caregiver.
***Thank you to Dreamscape Media for providing me with a copy of the audiobook for free via NetGalley for an unbiased review.
September 9, 2021
This book is a must-read for everyone, regardless if you are part of the LGBTQIA community, a long-standing Ally or not.
Tompkins states that “growing up in a heteronormative society it is not possible to completely escape homophobic beliefs that exist in the world from Influencing us” (chapter 2). The book tackles a lot of topics including helping us discover the unconscious biases that we project and unfortunately perpetuate without being aware of it purely due to being raised in a heteronormative society. Tompkins asks us to shift the narrative around gender, relationships, queerphobia and bullying to try and have open, authentic and affirming experiences. Another quote that really struck me is that we need to “acknowledge differences without treating everyone as different” (chapter 2).
I can’t stress enough that this book is a must-read for anyone who has children in their life. I will definitely have a copy in my classroom and maybe even a second copy to lend out to parents, friends and colleagues.
Special thank you to NetGalley and Dreamscape Media for sharing this audiobook copy in exchange for my honest thoughts.
#NetGalley #RaisingLGBTQAllies #MessagesFromThePlayground
Tompkins states that “growing up in a heteronormative society it is not possible to completely escape homophobic beliefs that exist in the world from Influencing us” (chapter 2). The book tackles a lot of topics including helping us discover the unconscious biases that we project and unfortunately perpetuate without being aware of it purely due to being raised in a heteronormative society. Tompkins asks us to shift the narrative around gender, relationships, queerphobia and bullying to try and have open, authentic and affirming experiences. Another quote that really struck me is that we need to “acknowledge differences without treating everyone as different” (chapter 2).
I can’t stress enough that this book is a must-read for anyone who has children in their life. I will definitely have a copy in my classroom and maybe even a second copy to lend out to parents, friends and colleagues.
Special thank you to NetGalley and Dreamscape Media for sharing this audiobook copy in exchange for my honest thoughts.
#NetGalley #RaisingLGBTQAllies #MessagesFromThePlayground
July 5, 2021
This book addresses many biases that we have, no matter what your beliefs or how you identify yourself. I am an ally for the LBGTQ community, but while reading, I stopped to identify and think about things I may unintentionally be doing to those around me, through my words or actions. We learn best by listening to understand, and can work on growing an changing to make things better for all humans.
As a parent and teacher, I really appreciated the consistent reminders in how to address all ( not just LBGTQ) difficult issues with our children. It reminds us by not talking about things, even at young ages, we are reinforcing negative messages, and possibly biases, uneducated opinions, worries or fears within our kids.
I highly recommend this book to support the journeys we are hopefully all on to become better humans.
As a parent and teacher, I really appreciated the consistent reminders in how to address all ( not just LBGTQ) difficult issues with our children. It reminds us by not talking about things, even at young ages, we are reinforcing negative messages, and possibly biases, uneducated opinions, worries or fears within our kids.
I highly recommend this book to support the journeys we are hopefully all on to become better humans.
August 2, 2021
I cannot recommend this book highly enough; I’m recommending it to all of my friends, my children’s teachers, our pediatrician…everyone! The author does an excellent job breaking down the complexities of how we form biases and how to unlearn some of these hurtful ideas and replace them with “heartful” ones. I especially appreciated learning more about the best language to use when talking to my children (or anyone else) and the exercises included to examine why and how we have the beliefs we do around the LGBTQ community.
The narrator was great and read in a nice, conversational tone making it easy to listen.
This is a very informative and helpful book, and I am grateful to Chris Tompkins for writing it.
*Thank you to NetGalley, Dreamscape Media, and the author for an ARC of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review*
The narrator was great and read in a nice, conversational tone making it easy to listen.
This is a very informative and helpful book, and I am grateful to Chris Tompkins for writing it.
*Thank you to NetGalley, Dreamscape Media, and the author for an ARC of this audiobook in exchange for an honest review*
June 15, 2022
A fantastic resource for anyone who wants to do their part to heal the pain society creates for LGBTQIA community - not just parents.
My only criticism of the book is that he constantly references a presentation that he gives called "messages from the playground." I really wish that readers of this book were able to see this presentation, because he refers to it constantly.
My only criticism of the book is that he constantly references a presentation that he gives called "messages from the playground." I really wish that readers of this book were able to see this presentation, because he refers to it constantly.
January 20, 2023
This may be one of the most important books that I have read as a parent. The author’s vulnerability and story telling his high compelling and provide guidance on how to create a safe and equitable playground for all children, especially LGBTQ kids. I learned many lessons that I can directly apply to my parenting journey.
October 29, 2021
*received for free from netgalley for honest review* really great important read with a lot of great info and helpful tips
October 14, 2022
What a fantastic resource to learn how to be and raise allies!!
November 17, 2022
Super awesome book! Everyone should read!
July 16, 2024
A thoughtful, insightful read.
May 17, 2024
I was really hoping this would be a focused guide on teaching homophobia/transphobia, but it felt more like a series of anecdotes and various somewhat-relevant citations.
I hate to give this a low star rating, but I personally wouldn’t recommend this as a guide the way it advertises itself as. It’s incredibly repetitive in the personal stories, the “I taught/gave a TedTalk/did a class on xyz”, the “we’ll learn more about xyz later”…It’s so frequent that I often had to double check what the current chapter was even about. It’s also lacking in exercises and ways for the reader to unpack things in an acclimating way.
There are good paragraphs throughout, but it’s often crunched between far less informative ones.
Other gripe is the right/wrong choice of wording- Never in my life, in person or in circle online, have I ever heard the term ‘transitioning’ be called offensive. I’ve never met nor heard of a trans person saying this, and I feel really weird having a gay cis guy tell a (mostly likely) cishet reader things that aren’t considered relevant to the wider conversation regarding trans people.
I’d recommend skipping this, and I’ll come back to this review if I find a better alternative that covers LGBT discussions in a clearer way that would be appropriate for recommending to people who aren’t.
I hate to give this a low star rating, but I personally wouldn’t recommend this as a guide the way it advertises itself as. It’s incredibly repetitive in the personal stories, the “I taught/gave a TedTalk/did a class on xyz”, the “we’ll learn more about xyz later”…It’s so frequent that I often had to double check what the current chapter was even about. It’s also lacking in exercises and ways for the reader to unpack things in an acclimating way.
There are good paragraphs throughout, but it’s often crunched between far less informative ones.
Other gripe is the right/wrong choice of wording- Never in my life, in person or in circle online, have I ever heard the term ‘transitioning’ be called offensive. I’ve never met nor heard of a trans person saying this, and I feel really weird having a gay cis guy tell a (mostly likely) cishet reader things that aren’t considered relevant to the wider conversation regarding trans people.
I’d recommend skipping this, and I’ll come back to this review if I find a better alternative that covers LGBT discussions in a clearer way that would be appropriate for recommending to people who aren’t.
August 8, 2021
I preference this by saying that I am a member of the LGBTQ+ community, but I do not have children. But so many of us have children in our lives even if they are not our own. I have nieces and nephews, friends kids, neighbors children that all can be influenced by how I act around them and treat them. I feel like this should be a book all parents, teachers or anyone in the position to influence children should pick up. Though take it with a grain of salt. It might not be your exact parenting style but there are some great takeaways that make you think about things from a different prospective. I'm glad I picked this book up!
I was given this audiobook free of charge on Netgally for my honest review.
I was given this audiobook free of charge on Netgally for my honest review.
December 21, 2021
Overall great book, but I only gave it 4/5 stars because of the repeated statements about LGBTQ+ not being a choice (ie born that way). Surprising for many I’m sure, this can be an unjust statement that contributes to and perpetuates bias and harm (ex by dismissing people with more fluid experiences as being less-than or “not really” gay).
For more information, see Lisa Diamond’s TEDtalk https://youtu.be/RjX-KBPmgg4. Immutability is not required for protection against LGBTQ+ discrimination.
For more information on updated understandings of sexual orientation, see: https://www.bacp.co.uk/media/5877/bac... and https://www.queensu.ca/psychology/van... (or chat with me - a trained sexuality counselor 💝)
For more information, see Lisa Diamond’s TEDtalk https://youtu.be/RjX-KBPmgg4. Immutability is not required for protection against LGBTQ+ discrimination.
For more information on updated understandings of sexual orientation, see: https://www.bacp.co.uk/media/5877/bac... and https://www.queensu.ca/psychology/van... (or chat with me - a trained sexuality counselor 💝)
July 9, 2021
Reviewing
Raising LGBTQ Allies
By Chris Tompkins
In this timely release, Tompkins does a wonderful job of providing excellent examples and clearly outlined methods that parents and mentors can use to improve communication and understanding towards the LGBTQ community. He highlights the importance of language and how we can change the narrative in our homes and communities to create a more loving, open minded culture for future generations
Raising LGBTQ Allies is enlightening and will be an invaluable tool for many parents, teachers, and mentors.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 stars for this well written guide with a PG rating
Raising LGBTQ Allies
By Chris Tompkins
In this timely release, Tompkins does a wonderful job of providing excellent examples and clearly outlined methods that parents and mentors can use to improve communication and understanding towards the LGBTQ community. He highlights the importance of language and how we can change the narrative in our homes and communities to create a more loving, open minded culture for future generations
Raising LGBTQ Allies is enlightening and will be an invaluable tool for many parents, teachers, and mentors.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 4 stars for this well written guide with a PG rating
September 13, 2021
If you are a parent who has never once given any thought to whether or not their children or their children’s friends might be LGBTQ, then you might glean a lot from this book.
However, I can’t say I learned much from this. The strategies shared are things I already do and I feel like what I do isn’t enough.
I did appreciate some of the sections that were more geared to teachers and educators, but as general parenting advice, it wasn’t super useful.
Additionally, the author is a very spiritual person, and a lot of his book was supported or propped up by his spirituality and I think that would be off putting to some readers.
However, I can’t say I learned much from this. The strategies shared are things I already do and I feel like what I do isn’t enough.
I did appreciate some of the sections that were more geared to teachers and educators, but as general parenting advice, it wasn’t super useful.
Additionally, the author is a very spiritual person, and a lot of his book was supported or propped up by his spirituality and I think that would be off putting to some readers.
December 31, 2022
The title is misleading, there is no practical advice about raising children with allyship in mind. It tells one man’s story - a story told from the perspective of white, cis, male privilege, only with some acknowledgement of that privilege. The main message is be nice to people which like, yeah. Anyone reading this book already has that intention. Maybe it feels basic and unimportant because it’s written for people with very little experience knowing or interacting with queer people. There’s also a light sprinkling of fat phobia and ableism. Not worth the time.
November 6, 2023
This messages in this book are important. The book’s premise is that, just as with race, there are biases we all have about LGBTQ people. The author included that even LGBTQ people carry negative biases and these influence how they see themselves. What I realized most is the negative biases for which religion is responsible. I see that strongly in the messages that some church people share. I’m trying to work from the inside out on this issue within my own church, but the damage has been done. I don’t blame people for rejecting a faith that promotes shame for the LGBTQ community.
November 23, 2024
I read the paperback version of this book and didn't realize there was another place to write the review. This book was recommended to me and I'm really glad that it was. It helped me understand myself more and made me realize how much of a role I play in my family as an uncle even though I don't have kids myself. I enjoyed that it was broken up into three sections and that it used personal stories to translate complex information. Even if you aren't a parent, this book can help you become a better person.
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July 28, 2021Some of Tompkins's anecdotes were a little presumptuous. Like his coworker who killed someone, but people at work kept talking about him behind his back... You know what, if I worked with someone who committed homicide, I sure as hell would be talking about them too.
Other than that, the book raised some of my concerns about teaching about LGBTQ people and offered criticism for well-intended but off-the-mark heterosexual people.
Other than that, the book raised some of my concerns about teaching about LGBTQ people and offered criticism for well-intended but off-the-mark heterosexual people.
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