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Coming Clean: A true story of love, addiction and recovery
In this wrenching debut memoir of love, family, and addiction, Liz Fraser tells her story of watching a partner unravel from alcoholism and working to rebuild a life together.
"My name is Liz, and I am the partner of an alcoholic."
This is the story of two people in love, who packed up their lives and drove a thousand miles across Europe in a transit van to the magical island of Venice, to start their new lives and dreams together and raise their baby girl there. They left behind everything they didn't need. But they also brought something terrible with alcoholism.
In the summer of 2019, Liz Fraser watched her husband fall into a catastrophic vortex of depression, alcoholism and self-destruction, which, unbeknownst to her, had been slowly bubbling and building for years. She was suddenly left alone with their baby, in a foreign country, renovating a house, and paying all the family bills along with his enormous drink-related costs. She worked when she could with no childcare or support, all while slowly losing her mind from shock, exhaustion, and heartbreak.
It was a long and lonely time before she met others who live, or have lived, with alcoholism or other substance abuse, whether a spouse, a partner, a child or friend, and found enormous relief in talking about it with people who could understand. In Coming Clean , Liz tells her story--of life with an alcoholic at his darkest moments, and the uncertain journey through recovery as her husband nears six months of sobriety. With this raw, wrenching memoir, she gives a voice and offers hope to everyone watching a loved one struggle with substance abuse with the crucial you are not alone.
"My name is Liz, and I am the partner of an alcoholic."
This is the story of two people in love, who packed up their lives and drove a thousand miles across Europe in a transit van to the magical island of Venice, to start their new lives and dreams together and raise their baby girl there. They left behind everything they didn't need. But they also brought something terrible with alcoholism.
In the summer of 2019, Liz Fraser watched her husband fall into a catastrophic vortex of depression, alcoholism and self-destruction, which, unbeknownst to her, had been slowly bubbling and building for years. She was suddenly left alone with their baby, in a foreign country, renovating a house, and paying all the family bills along with his enormous drink-related costs. She worked when she could with no childcare or support, all while slowly losing her mind from shock, exhaustion, and heartbreak.
It was a long and lonely time before she met others who live, or have lived, with alcoholism or other substance abuse, whether a spouse, a partner, a child or friend, and found enormous relief in talking about it with people who could understand. In Coming Clean , Liz tells her story--of life with an alcoholic at his darkest moments, and the uncertain journey through recovery as her husband nears six months of sobriety. With this raw, wrenching memoir, she gives a voice and offers hope to everyone watching a loved one struggle with substance abuse with the crucial you are not alone.
320 pages, Hardcover
Published November 30, 2021
13 people are currently reading
117 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews
September 22, 2021
I liked this book and empathized with the author. It tells the story of her meeting and falling in love with Mike who enjoys drinking. Liz is totally unaware about alcoholism, having never been around it or learned anything about what is involved. They have a daughter together and Liz sees Mike struggling with jobs, depression and anxiety. His drinking gets out of hand more and more, so they decide to move from the UK to Venice, Italy for a new start. At first Mike does great, but after a while he starts a major slide downward and Liz finds herself lonely and stressed by events. A fascinating memoir showing what addiction to alcohol is like to live with in a partner. Advance electronic review copy was provided by NetGalley, author Liz Fraser, and the publisher.
February 13, 2022
Dysfunctional needy diary
I watched the car crash on Instagram, I hope she is over it horrendous behaviour, I feel most sorry for her older children,
I watched the car crash on Instagram, I hope she is over it horrendous behaviour, I feel most sorry for her older children,
October 9, 2022
Ugh finally I finished this book. I almost didn’t because I simply couldn’t stop rolling my eyes at the constant excuse-making that the author made for her boyfriends behaviors.
This is infuriating to read. She constantly makes excuses for him, I. E. When he first pushes her she says well it’s not okay to push someone but I was there and I know him this isn’t him. Like girl what have you not learned anything? Also how Mike has seemingly some control of the drinking as he goes through bouts of time where he chooses not to drink then allows himself lame excuses to go on benders.
She never stops him with his games of “going to the store” trips. And continues to keep her daughter in this fucked up situation with him. On page 121 she even writes “ I was one decision, one phone call away from a freedom I didn’t want” like HUH?
She writes as if she was fully aware that he was definitely not just “hung up” somewhere and that’s why he is late getting home but then acts like she just had no idea and never confronts him about his lies.
I’m not trying to victim blame here and I have DEFINITELY been there with my own share of domestic violence and manipulative partners,
but come ON like you’re writing this book seemingly so self-aware and conscious of your decision making but it seems as if you’ve learned nothing.
She gaslights herself just as much as he does.
This is infuriating to read. She constantly makes excuses for him, I. E. When he first pushes her she says well it’s not okay to push someone but I was there and I know him this isn’t him. Like girl what have you not learned anything? Also how Mike has seemingly some control of the drinking as he goes through bouts of time where he chooses not to drink then allows himself lame excuses to go on benders.
She never stops him with his games of “going to the store” trips. And continues to keep her daughter in this fucked up situation with him. On page 121 she even writes “ I was one decision, one phone call away from a freedom I didn’t want” like HUH?
She writes as if she was fully aware that he was definitely not just “hung up” somewhere and that’s why he is late getting home but then acts like she just had no idea and never confronts him about his lies.
I’m not trying to victim blame here and I have DEFINITELY been there with my own share of domestic violence and manipulative partners,
but come ON like you’re writing this book seemingly so self-aware and conscious of your decision making but it seems as if you’ve learned nothing.
She gaslights herself just as much as he does.
June 18, 2022
I wish everyone involved the best in their journeys. Other than that I’ll just say this was incredibly depressing. It was difficult to read of the sad story of these two incredibly flawed humans and not be judgmental—I don’t want to be. But I just kept wanting to scream at the never ending poor choices I saw reported in this story. I hope for better days & clearer minds.
October 12, 2021
A turbulent book involving two individuals with addictions. The author Liz is addicted to Mike but suffers from many other issues : anxiety, eating disorders, PTSD, panic attacks, mood swings , depression and the challenges of motherhood and parenting. Her life was complex before the arrival of alcoholic Mike and it became so much more out of control. The upheavals of moves, the flights , the drunken bar scenes and the physical, mental , verbal abuse made this book a difficult read. The young child was subjected to these volatile individuals. It was heart breaking to read her story as well with endless buggy rides all hours of day and night, a no show father on so many occasions and an anxiety , tired mother trying to do it all. The book showed some promise near the end with Mike on the road to recovery and the author started her own. Both have long roads ahead with challenges and struggles but often love is not enough. I hope for the best but a life apart may be what will be their recovery in the end.
October 22, 2021
I pre-ordered this book after noticing a brief mention of it on Twitter
20 years ago I stopped drinking at the age of 37. At that point I had been married for ten years and a father for seven. In the months before my final binge I was more interested in my next pint than my wife and two young children...I had a final, four day binge, promised my seven year old son I would stop and never picked up an alcoholic drink again!! At the time I received no support, AA was not for me, and I was very much on my own. My saving grace was that, whilst being a very abusive binge drinker, I was never alcohol dependent and the physical recovery didn't take long....readjusting my life took a couple of years; but I got there
Liz Fraser's frank, lucid and sometimes funny, often upsetting account of living with a chronic alcoholic brought back so many memories, none of them good, and, after finishing the book this morning I turned to my wife and thanked her for standing by me when I didn't deserve her love and support.
Mike fell much far further than I did and I wish Liz and him every success and happiness going forward...they clearly love each other very much and deserve a wonderful future together
So, what are my thoughts on this book
It's an invaluable read and essential reading if your drinking is ruining the lives of those you love OR you are in a relationship with an abusive drinker. A life changing tome and I salute Liz for her candour, honesty and humour
I still apologise to my wife, even after 20 years, and am so grateful that I managed to pull back from oblivion
20 years ago I stopped drinking at the age of 37. At that point I had been married for ten years and a father for seven. In the months before my final binge I was more interested in my next pint than my wife and two young children...I had a final, four day binge, promised my seven year old son I would stop and never picked up an alcoholic drink again!! At the time I received no support, AA was not for me, and I was very much on my own. My saving grace was that, whilst being a very abusive binge drinker, I was never alcohol dependent and the physical recovery didn't take long....readjusting my life took a couple of years; but I got there
Liz Fraser's frank, lucid and sometimes funny, often upsetting account of living with a chronic alcoholic brought back so many memories, none of them good, and, after finishing the book this morning I turned to my wife and thanked her for standing by me when I didn't deserve her love and support.
Mike fell much far further than I did and I wish Liz and him every success and happiness going forward...they clearly love each other very much and deserve a wonderful future together
So, what are my thoughts on this book
It's an invaluable read and essential reading if your drinking is ruining the lives of those you love OR you are in a relationship with an abusive drinker. A life changing tome and I salute Liz for her candour, honesty and humour
I still apologise to my wife, even after 20 years, and am so grateful that I managed to pull back from oblivion
February 7, 2022
I bought this book for my mum for Christmas, I had heard Liz's interview on Radio 4 maybe mid 2021 and then struggled to find the book. I was interested in her story and curious to see how closely it matched our families experience with alcoholism - she said if anyone wants to know what it is like to live with an alcoholic this book is it! As a child who lived with an alcoholic I found it interesting to imagine what I would have written when reflecting on the stories which mirrored our experiences.
I look forward to the revision which is a refined version of this story plus the outcome of the future - Liz's story is quite short in comparison to the length of time many people go through the same pains - but very well described.
I look forward to the revision which is a refined version of this story plus the outcome of the future - Liz's story is quite short in comparison to the length of time many people go through the same pains - but very well described.
January 25, 2022
An honest, unflinching account of living with a partner going through addiction/ recovery. I couldn’t put it down.
March 19, 2022
What a depressing story. The only reason I finished is because I was reading it for a library reading challenge. I realize this is a true story and deals with a difficult topic, but the foul language put me off, and the author's choices were painful to read. I don't know how helpful this book would be to people in similar situations since it is full of so many potential triggers. The end has some helpful points that teach how to deal with an alcoholic partner, but the rest of the book was just difficult to read. I will not recommend this book.
November 17, 2021
I was really interested to read Fraser's take on this subject. As she points out, there is plenty of material out there about alcoholism and alcoholics, but not a huge amount about the people that are affected by them, whether they be relatives, partners or friends. Some of that is because of the shame of active alcoholism and some of that may be the secrecy around a lot of the twelve step programmes that help both alcoholics and those affected by alcoholism to recover. It's high time that there was more out there for those of us who do or have had to struggle with this illness and Fraser gives it her best shot here.
As the ex partner of an alcoholic, both while he was drinking and while he was in recovery, I had more than a vested interest in this book.
She makes it very clear that each person's journey is unique and the choices that she made and her experiences may not be yours, but there are common factors that run through all stories of addiction and recovery and there is enough here to connect her story with my own, some of it good, some of it with shame, some of it with distress, because as she makes abundantly clear, this is a vicious disease that will take everything the alcoholic has and everything from those around them, too.
The repetition of the lies, the distress, the arguments, the belief that things will really change this time, the slowly dawning horror of realising that they won't, is hard to take sometimes. She is clear that you as the reader will ask why she didn't get out sooner, why she didn't do this or that. It's easy to say from a distance. Hard to do up in the problem, particularly when you love someone and you see their distress and believe that they can get better and not understand why they won't/can't. Particularly if like her, and like me, you don't really have any clue about what alcoholism looks like at the beginning of your relationship with it, because whatever you think it is, it almost certainly isn't and by the time you realise what it is, you are usually neck deep and sinking.
And the shock of realising that even when they start to get sober, that it isn't over by a long chalk, and for many of us it gets significantly worse before it gets better.
Tough, tender, difficult to read. An important book.
As the ex partner of an alcoholic, both while he was drinking and while he was in recovery, I had more than a vested interest in this book.
She makes it very clear that each person's journey is unique and the choices that she made and her experiences may not be yours, but there are common factors that run through all stories of addiction and recovery and there is enough here to connect her story with my own, some of it good, some of it with shame, some of it with distress, because as she makes abundantly clear, this is a vicious disease that will take everything the alcoholic has and everything from those around them, too.
The repetition of the lies, the distress, the arguments, the belief that things will really change this time, the slowly dawning horror of realising that they won't, is hard to take sometimes. She is clear that you as the reader will ask why she didn't get out sooner, why she didn't do this or that. It's easy to say from a distance. Hard to do up in the problem, particularly when you love someone and you see their distress and believe that they can get better and not understand why they won't/can't. Particularly if like her, and like me, you don't really have any clue about what alcoholism looks like at the beginning of your relationship with it, because whatever you think it is, it almost certainly isn't and by the time you realise what it is, you are usually neck deep and sinking.
And the shock of realising that even when they start to get sober, that it isn't over by a long chalk, and for many of us it gets significantly worse before it gets better.
Tough, tender, difficult to read. An important book.
February 11, 2023
Bloomsbury was scraping the barrel publishing this. And why have social services not been in touch?
The poor baby and then toddler was exposed to some hellish situations. From the occasional looks I take at Liz Fraser’s social it seems the chaos continues for the poor, seemingly completely isolated child.
In Venice, she was pulled out of bed at all hours, strapped to the back of s bike as her hysterical mother tide through the streets screaming out her fathers name and running in to bars looking for him.surely the baby should be the priority?
It’s not like she didn’t know he was an alcoholic (well the true story isn’t such a money spinner.) She knew he was an alcoholic. She’d been to his wedding - she was also having an affair with him and another man plus married at the same time… yes - when she and her husband snd children attended the wedding of Mike. Liz was friends with his wife. This didn’t seem to make it into the book! She is totally morally bankrupt snd I hate to say it, she got what she was always going to get, I wonder if it was worth feeding her ego for. Or abandoning herv3 older children who seem to have very little to do with her now. I just hope poor Scout is safe and happy on her own with her mum who happily upped snd left 3 children. They at least had a very decent dad to scoop them up. It seems from what she posts on social that Liz is doing all she can to block any contact her daughter has with her dad. That’s never going to end well.
.
The poor baby and then toddler was exposed to some hellish situations. From the occasional looks I take at Liz Fraser’s social it seems the chaos continues for the poor, seemingly completely isolated child.
In Venice, she was pulled out of bed at all hours, strapped to the back of s bike as her hysterical mother tide through the streets screaming out her fathers name and running in to bars looking for him.surely the baby should be the priority?
It’s not like she didn’t know he was an alcoholic (well the true story isn’t such a money spinner.) She knew he was an alcoholic. She’d been to his wedding - she was also having an affair with him and another man plus married at the same time… yes - when she and her husband snd children attended the wedding of Mike. Liz was friends with his wife. This didn’t seem to make it into the book! She is totally morally bankrupt snd I hate to say it, she got what she was always going to get, I wonder if it was worth feeding her ego for. Or abandoning herv3 older children who seem to have very little to do with her now. I just hope poor Scout is safe and happy on her own with her mum who happily upped snd left 3 children. They at least had a very decent dad to scoop them up. It seems from what she posts on social that Liz is doing all she can to block any contact her daughter has with her dad. That’s never going to end well.
.
October 17, 2021
Reading Liz Fraser's account of living on-and-off with her alcoholic partner was a long, bumpy, heavy, and emotional roller coaster ride. As she says many times in her book, most people, including me, would have given up on him a long time ago. Her agonizing love for him as a partner, friend, and father kept her going back again and again, hoping each time it would be different.
Alcoholism is a horrible disease and one that took over some of my family members. Her account of her life had to be very difficult to write, but I also hope cathartic for the author. I hope that her story will help readers who live with alcoholism or are involved with someone who is.
Thank you, Liz Fraser, publisher, and Netgalley, for this ARC.
Alcoholism is a horrible disease and one that took over some of my family members. Her account of her life had to be very difficult to write, but I also hope cathartic for the author. I hope that her story will help readers who live with alcoholism or are involved with someone who is.
Thank you, Liz Fraser, publisher, and Netgalley, for this ARC.
September 13, 2024
Jesus Christ what a read.
Im staggered by what these lot went through. I know people have whinged about her writing skills her parenting etc but im telling you every single feeling and thought she and he share are 100 percemt spot on.
My other half and i have confirmed it.
Knocked two stars off at the sheer pissed offness of reading a book where they sorted it out - truelove, only.to find out they bloody split up! then spent a load of.time in court, talk about false bloody advertising. My sotuation being more a double lofe than in front of me so even vaguely as extreme as this. But still not exactly hopeful to two people in a similar place hoping for a bit of hope !
Im staggered by what these lot went through. I know people have whinged about her writing skills her parenting etc but im telling you every single feeling and thought she and he share are 100 percemt spot on.
My other half and i have confirmed it.
Knocked two stars off at the sheer pissed offness of reading a book where they sorted it out - truelove, only.to find out they bloody split up! then spent a load of.time in court, talk about false bloody advertising. My sotuation being more a double lofe than in front of me so even vaguely as extreme as this. But still not exactly hopeful to two people in a similar place hoping for a bit of hope !
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 24, 2022
This book should have come with a trigger warning. As someone who grew up with an alcoholic parent, this book brought back some of my darkest memories. The author does an incredible job of painting the picture of what living with an addict is really like. I’m giving this 3 stars as I didn’t like how much the author made it seem like she needed to stay. Please, if you or someone you love is in an abusive relationship, do whatever you can to get them out. An addict will only want to recover when they want to. No one can change anyone, no matter how much love they give.
November 22, 2021
A rather depressing read about the author having to endure her partner’s serious problem with alcohol. I have to give the wither credit for giving him endless changes, which most people would not have. It was hard to read certain parts of the story as she is very honest, especially with the verbal abuse he lobbied at her constantly. Kudos to her for surviving and moving on. Thanks to Bloomsbury USA and NetGalley for the early read.
October 21, 2021
Raw, Immersive and Harrowing
A very honest account of love and alcoholism documenting the sudden and unpredictable rollercoaster of one man’s descent into the disease. Also a very plain portrayal of true love and dedication to another person and how this feels. Yes, everyone outside of the relationship can see the harm being caused and give their advice, but the devoted partner will always give one more chance.
I felt totally drawn in to this book as though I was living the horrors with Liz. I wish the time could have passed for her as quickly as I could turn the pages.
This is a very important piece of writing. Alcoholism not only affects the sufferer, but equally those who love and care for them..
I have admired Fraser’s writing style since I discovered a piece of hers written for Marie Claire about 15 years ago. This book does not disappoint, sharp humour and a handful of horrifyingly amusing similes but written with great care and love through a veil total exhaustion.
I would love to see Liz Fraser write some fiction in the future and now I hope and believe much happier times are ahead for her!
A very honest account of love and alcoholism documenting the sudden and unpredictable rollercoaster of one man’s descent into the disease. Also a very plain portrayal of true love and dedication to another person and how this feels. Yes, everyone outside of the relationship can see the harm being caused and give their advice, but the devoted partner will always give one more chance.
I felt totally drawn in to this book as though I was living the horrors with Liz. I wish the time could have passed for her as quickly as I could turn the pages.
This is a very important piece of writing. Alcoholism not only affects the sufferer, but equally those who love and care for them..
I have admired Fraser’s writing style since I discovered a piece of hers written for Marie Claire about 15 years ago. This book does not disappoint, sharp humour and a handful of horrifyingly amusing similes but written with great care and love through a veil total exhaustion.
I would love to see Liz Fraser write some fiction in the future and now I hope and believe much happier times are ahead for her!
November 10, 2021
Given that this book is a memoir, four stars. Liz is candid, revealing difficult memories, and I felt empathy for what happened and continues to be their reality. It’s excruciating for the reader to witness how alcoholism can tear apart a soul and destroy everything it touches.
October 11, 2021
Great insight into addiction
Great to read & understand the life of an alcoholics partner side, would love to be able to write like that, very concise & clear
Great to read & understand the life of an alcoholics partner side, would love to be able to write like that, very concise & clear
July 17, 2022
A brutal read. So vivid! Brilliant writer
October 2, 2025
Well. So far this sounds like a woman whining about her poor choice of a drunk partner, but I hope to report back later…though I doubt I can handle much more.
Displaying 1 - 20 of 20 reviews