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Why Men Rape: An Indian Undercover Investigation
To stop it you have to see it. India has been ranked among the worlds most unsafe countries for women based on yardsticks of sexual and non-sexual violence, human trafficking and gender discrimination. How did we reach here?
In Why Men Rape, Tara Kaushal sets out to understand the reasons through a detailed investigation which includes interviews and meetings with nine men who have an inclination to commit acts of sexual violence. The men interviewed for the book belong to all sections of society: A doctor who rapes his twelve-year-old patient; an unemployed youth who has decided to kill his former lover; a youth who gang rapes; a serial gang rapist who doesn't believe rape exists. Alongside, the author gives insights from myriad survivors; world-famous experts; a jail inmate who observes and provides us with commentary on the principles of rape convicts inside a prison; and many more.
It also talks about how hypersexualized mainstream cinema; prejudiced media coverage of rape cases; the explosion of pornography; and other historic and current factors have become collaborative agents in causing gender violence in India. At a time when sexual violence is crippling our society, Why Men Rape marks an important contribution towards making us aware of the problem and finding a way to stop it.
In Why Men Rape, Tara Kaushal sets out to understand the reasons through a detailed investigation which includes interviews and meetings with nine men who have an inclination to commit acts of sexual violence. The men interviewed for the book belong to all sections of society: A doctor who rapes his twelve-year-old patient; an unemployed youth who has decided to kill his former lover; a youth who gang rapes; a serial gang rapist who doesn't believe rape exists. Alongside, the author gives insights from myriad survivors; world-famous experts; a jail inmate who observes and provides us with commentary on the principles of rape convicts inside a prison; and many more.
It also talks about how hypersexualized mainstream cinema; prejudiced media coverage of rape cases; the explosion of pornography; and other historic and current factors have become collaborative agents in causing gender violence in India. At a time when sexual violence is crippling our society, Why Men Rape marks an important contribution towards making us aware of the problem and finding a way to stop it.
326 pages, Paperback
Published July 20, 2020
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 62 reviews
November 26, 2020
TW: Rape/Sexual Violence/Child Sexual Abuse
I honestly felt quite unsettled when I finished reading this. Specially because I started off by scoffing at the haphazard nature of writing and the lack of valid research to support the author’s myriad opinions. But, as I delved deeper into this book, I think I started relating to the author’s thoughts, which warmed me up to her style of writing.
Why Men Rape is Tara Kaushal’s investigation into, well, why Indian men rape. In her quest to reach the bottom of the matter, she interviews 10 men belonging to different parts of the country, different castes, religion and class. And the answer is not pretty - because there is no one answer.
In the course of the book, a variety of issues afflicting gender inequality are discussed - sexual violence, gang rapes, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, the MeToo movement, hyper-sexualised women in cinema, religion, rape as a war weapon, usage of language in normalisation of subjugation of women, sex work, and effects of pornography. She cites the research of various experts on these issues to understand the psycho-sociological reasons that could compel one to rape.
Kaushal has made a valiant attempt to cover all the bases that might explain why men rape, but in doing so, she has merely scratched the surface of these topics which definitely require deeper understanding. I would suggest that one should conduct parallel research while reading this book.
I was fascinated by her understanding and explanation of why false rape complaints take place. She also acknowledged that men themselves are victims of patriarchy and, how it’s a fight between patriarchy and human rights. She also dives into how substance abuse, anger at debilitating power structures and, yes, even extreme hot weather, can influence men into raping.
One thing that I found positively annoying was the insertion of her opinion/thoughts on every issue. And it comes off as the snooty opinion of someone who is disgusted by her subjects, specially when she’s dealing with the men who belong to a lower caste and are poor. The usage of adjectives such as “puny”, “runt” etc. feel unwarranted. A slight condescension creeps into her narration and I honestly feel it is misplaced for a topic so serious.
While, of course, it’s valid to feel that way, but as a researcher, she carries the responsibility to maintain an objective point of view. Her voice and the experts’ voices often get blurred as she puts forward her opinion as a fact.
A few other things which rubbed me the wrong way were - 1) Her declaring that casteism and religious discrimination were waning in villages “from what I’ve seen and heard”. That was it. There was no other basis for her to make that conjecture. 2) Her statement on how prohibition of alcohol had led to an increase in violence in Bihar as told to her by “her friend” ??? BACK YOUR WORDS WITH DATA.
I was not too fond of the writing style either. It is very informal and haphazard; she uses unnecessary millennial acronyms for some reason and I don’t really understand why.
The book is divided into three parts, mostly on the basis of class. But, within these parts itself, there’s no linear storytelling of one person and this ends up creating confusion for the reader as they’re unable to discern the person she’s speaking about. After a point, I just stopped trying to figure out who she was even referring to.
I will admit to one thing though. It’s an interesting and engrossing read, but it also evokes an uncomfortable emotion in the reader, specially if you’ve been at the receiving end of sexual harassment (which, unfortunately, I’m sure every womxn has). For Kaushal, a survivor herself, to be able to go through this project and to bring to light not only the many untold stories of other survivors, but also her own, is a commendable feat in itself.
I think I would recommend this.
I honestly felt quite unsettled when I finished reading this. Specially because I started off by scoffing at the haphazard nature of writing and the lack of valid research to support the author’s myriad opinions. But, as I delved deeper into this book, I think I started relating to the author’s thoughts, which warmed me up to her style of writing.
Why Men Rape is Tara Kaushal’s investigation into, well, why Indian men rape. In her quest to reach the bottom of the matter, she interviews 10 men belonging to different parts of the country, different castes, religion and class. And the answer is not pretty - because there is no one answer.
In the course of the book, a variety of issues afflicting gender inequality are discussed - sexual violence, gang rapes, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, the MeToo movement, hyper-sexualised women in cinema, religion, rape as a war weapon, usage of language in normalisation of subjugation of women, sex work, and effects of pornography. She cites the research of various experts on these issues to understand the psycho-sociological reasons that could compel one to rape.
Kaushal has made a valiant attempt to cover all the bases that might explain why men rape, but in doing so, she has merely scratched the surface of these topics which definitely require deeper understanding. I would suggest that one should conduct parallel research while reading this book.
I was fascinated by her understanding and explanation of why false rape complaints take place. She also acknowledged that men themselves are victims of patriarchy and, how it’s a fight between patriarchy and human rights. She also dives into how substance abuse, anger at debilitating power structures and, yes, even extreme hot weather, can influence men into raping.
One thing that I found positively annoying was the insertion of her opinion/thoughts on every issue. And it comes off as the snooty opinion of someone who is disgusted by her subjects, specially when she’s dealing with the men who belong to a lower caste and are poor. The usage of adjectives such as “puny”, “runt” etc. feel unwarranted. A slight condescension creeps into her narration and I honestly feel it is misplaced for a topic so serious.
While, of course, it’s valid to feel that way, but as a researcher, she carries the responsibility to maintain an objective point of view. Her voice and the experts’ voices often get blurred as she puts forward her opinion as a fact.
A few other things which rubbed me the wrong way were - 1) Her declaring that casteism and religious discrimination were waning in villages “from what I’ve seen and heard”. That was it. There was no other basis for her to make that conjecture. 2) Her statement on how prohibition of alcohol had led to an increase in violence in Bihar as told to her by “her friend” ??? BACK YOUR WORDS WITH DATA.
I was not too fond of the writing style either. It is very informal and haphazard; she uses unnecessary millennial acronyms for some reason and I don’t really understand why.
The book is divided into three parts, mostly on the basis of class. But, within these parts itself, there’s no linear storytelling of one person and this ends up creating confusion for the reader as they’re unable to discern the person she’s speaking about. After a point, I just stopped trying to figure out who she was even referring to.
I will admit to one thing though. It’s an interesting and engrossing read, but it also evokes an uncomfortable emotion in the reader, specially if you’ve been at the receiving end of sexual harassment (which, unfortunately, I’m sure every womxn has). For Kaushal, a survivor herself, to be able to go through this project and to bring to light not only the many untold stories of other survivors, but also her own, is a commendable feat in itself.
I think I would recommend this.
November 18, 2020
I started to feel disappointed when I only read the introduction, and I hope my gut feeling is wrong. The more I read (without taking a break), the more I get confused. The content was very mixed up and jumpy. The author threw a few legislations and references of research papers here and there, and suddenly she wants to clarify her reasons for excluding the rape of other genders in this book. Then, she gives the definition of rape and narrows down to the 'false promise to marry'. If the author leaves that part as it is, it will be a good read, but it frustrates me when she includes her own opinion for the definition of rape. Same as underage sex, the author offers her view without a solid point to convince the readers. It will be better if she offers an opinion with a strong argument or provides lesser personal opinions to avoid being viewed as lacking neutrality and subjective in this topic.
Also, there were so many loopholes or unsupported backups for the story provided by the subjects. And the author includes a lot of her opinions to guide readers to think the same way as her. One of the subjects such as Partho, if he is an unreliable source and has a lot of lies, why he is still part of the contributor for this book? Whatever he says are no longer trustable nor can be used in the research, but the author wraps up the story with her personal judgement or what she believes is the truth. I mean she mentioned that Partho made up a lot of extravagant stories and she doesn't trust him, then she should find other more reliable sources instead of wasting her time interviewing him, telling us something that is not true, and wasting her time and effort to dissect his lies and humiliating him with sarcasm in the book.
I really hope there will be other people out there will love this book and know how to appreciate her work. I really feel bad that I don't know how to appreciate her storytelling style. I can sense she is an ambitious person and a great representative for the voice of the survivors. My harsh opinions are just a small percentage of the readers and shouldn't really affect her much. Nobody can please everyone even though, to be honest, I really wish that I like this book. Well, at least the content didn't disappoint me. It provides more than what I expected.
Book Review: Why Men Rape: An Indian Undercover Investigation by Tara Kaushal.
Also, there were so many loopholes or unsupported backups for the story provided by the subjects. And the author includes a lot of her opinions to guide readers to think the same way as her. One of the subjects such as Partho, if he is an unreliable source and has a lot of lies, why he is still part of the contributor for this book? Whatever he says are no longer trustable nor can be used in the research, but the author wraps up the story with her personal judgement or what she believes is the truth. I mean she mentioned that Partho made up a lot of extravagant stories and she doesn't trust him, then she should find other more reliable sources instead of wasting her time interviewing him, telling us something that is not true, and wasting her time and effort to dissect his lies and humiliating him with sarcasm in the book.
I really hope there will be other people out there will love this book and know how to appreciate her work. I really feel bad that I don't know how to appreciate her storytelling style. I can sense she is an ambitious person and a great representative for the voice of the survivors. My harsh opinions are just a small percentage of the readers and shouldn't really affect her much. Nobody can please everyone even though, to be honest, I really wish that I like this book. Well, at least the content didn't disappoint me. It provides more than what I expected.
Book Review: Why Men Rape: An Indian Undercover Investigation by Tara Kaushal.
October 21, 2020
Love and Human Rights is the ultimate solution according to Tara Kaushal to reduce rapes in our country.
I went in this book with high expectations and came out extremely disappointed. When the title says it is an undercover investigation, I expected undisturbed accounts of men's experiences and their voice. What I got instead was few lines from their lives, then some researcher's quotes thrown in, mixed with Tara's opinion. By the time the story went to the same person, I had lost train of that person's life. It was confusing and surface level description of incidences. The structure of the book itself was problematic for me. It felt too jumbled and haphazard.
As far as research for the book is concerned, although Tara has done it extensively, it did not reflect appropriately in the book. It felt placed just to fill in the gaps. For example, all of a sudden while narrating about a man from Kolkata, she starts talking about language and its gender based terminology. She talks about the term "ardhangini" to describe a female and how it defines female based on man's possession. But the thing is the term "ardhangini" is used to define a married woman with respect to her relation with her husband. Similarly while talking about evolutionary psychologist and their studies on the subject of rape, she ridicules it in few words based on 1 study which equates rape to desire. I am sure there must be more substance than that in the field of evolutionary psychology when it comes to rape.
As far as solution is concerned, yes Universal Love and Human Rights is something that should be achieved. But isn't it contradictory to what Tara has said again and again in the book, that as women progress more, violence against them will increase? Won't it mean that Equal Human Rights would mean women will empower themselves which will lead to more rapes? And to me, it sounded like utopian idea in today's world to have goals for love and equal human rights. Instead, tangible and achievable solutions would have been more welcome. ( It could be anything from Justice Verma Report implementation to what measures are required in Police System).
Another minor gripe I had was over reliance on facebook posts and viral news along with using short forms of terms such as PC. I might be just nitpicking and it might even become standard of book writing in today's world but it made me lose sense of credibility after seeing that.
This is not to say that the book should be avoided. On the contrary I would suggest everyone should read this book as an entryway for more research in the subject. I will be checking out authors and studies she has quoted throughout the book for sure.
I went in this book with high expectations and came out extremely disappointed. When the title says it is an undercover investigation, I expected undisturbed accounts of men's experiences and their voice. What I got instead was few lines from their lives, then some researcher's quotes thrown in, mixed with Tara's opinion. By the time the story went to the same person, I had lost train of that person's life. It was confusing and surface level description of incidences. The structure of the book itself was problematic for me. It felt too jumbled and haphazard.
As far as research for the book is concerned, although Tara has done it extensively, it did not reflect appropriately in the book. It felt placed just to fill in the gaps. For example, all of a sudden while narrating about a man from Kolkata, she starts talking about language and its gender based terminology. She talks about the term "ardhangini" to describe a female and how it defines female based on man's possession. But the thing is the term "ardhangini" is used to define a married woman with respect to her relation with her husband. Similarly while talking about evolutionary psychologist and their studies on the subject of rape, she ridicules it in few words based on 1 study which equates rape to desire. I am sure there must be more substance than that in the field of evolutionary psychology when it comes to rape.
As far as solution is concerned, yes Universal Love and Human Rights is something that should be achieved. But isn't it contradictory to what Tara has said again and again in the book, that as women progress more, violence against them will increase? Won't it mean that Equal Human Rights would mean women will empower themselves which will lead to more rapes? And to me, it sounded like utopian idea in today's world to have goals for love and equal human rights. Instead, tangible and achievable solutions would have been more welcome. ( It could be anything from Justice Verma Report implementation to what measures are required in Police System).
Another minor gripe I had was over reliance on facebook posts and viral news along with using short forms of terms such as PC. I might be just nitpicking and it might even become standard of book writing in today's world but it made me lose sense of credibility after seeing that.
This is not to say that the book should be avoided. On the contrary I would suggest everyone should read this book as an entryway for more research in the subject. I will be checking out authors and studies she has quoted throughout the book for sure.
November 22, 2020
Will update with a detailed review later but for now it suffices that this book is thoroughly an account of how Indians collectively fail Indian men to the point that they often don’t know what is rape and all the outrage to save Indian women from this is done so poorly, it serves only to further rape of women and marginalise women. While the book is not about the rape of boys, it beautifully deals with the topic when the context is necessary, something the so called men’s rights activists don’t give the slightest f*ck about.
If you are reading this review and liked the book subsequently, please give a rating. This will balance the inevitable low rating that will come from incels and misogynistic bigots who don’t want to accept that they have either violated women or have enabled the culture where rape thrives.
If you are reading this review and liked the book subsequently, please give a rating. This will balance the inevitable low rating that will come from incels and misogynistic bigots who don’t want to accept that they have either violated women or have enabled the culture where rape thrives.
March 29, 2022
Not review-
This book is the ground reality of our society. It is really a phenomenal research work and a courageous too. Reading this book gave me some interesting understanding over patriarchy in general. Being male it is difficult to understand sometime how and to what extent patriarchy affects identity. The use of power over women is so common in our society that it sometimes feels like as if it is natural. This book stand out as a mirror to myself and I think it will also for you. All men should definitely read this book and reflect.
This book is the ground reality of our society. It is really a phenomenal research work and a courageous too. Reading this book gave me some interesting understanding over patriarchy in general. Being male it is difficult to understand sometime how and to what extent patriarchy affects identity. The use of power over women is so common in our society that it sometimes feels like as if it is natural. This book stand out as a mirror to myself and I think it will also for you. All men should definitely read this book and reflect.
July 13, 2022
Too little Rapist's , Victim's voice and too much Author's Noise ...
January 23, 2021
Since the time I’ve started reading about rapes in the media, have constantly been questioning the mindset, attitude and common sense of men who rape. More so after accounts of prolonged gang rapes, rape with minors and use of harmful objects.
Something that I believed was it must not be for pleasure [solely]. After all, what would a man get raping a teenage girl child? And to a large extent, the book proved my assertion right in this regard.
There are many things at play here - as revenge on a female’s male relatives, not knowing the definition of “NO” (thank you Bollywood), seeing it as their right (irrespective of the pleasure quotient), male chauvinism, abusive childhood, a married woman’s duty regarding sex to her husband, etc.
There is also a myriad of issues that she discusses - objectification of women mainly in the lower strata, the MeToo movement, effects of alcohol and pornography, victimization of men in a highly patriarchal society, our crippled judiciary system, etc.
The one thing which took me by absolute surprise is the part on the amount of time women spend on safety. That some part of their brains is always occupied with this and the many missed opportunities that results because of it. Although I’ve always considered myself fairly cognizant of other’s comfort levels, this small part convinced me to improve my cognizance further.
But apart from this, there’s nothing new that I got to know. There was never a striking truth that jumped up howling straight on my face. I don’t think I’m wrong to say that while rape is probably the most pressing issue, it’s for the same reason it’s also highly publicized, making people well aware of its nuances. I had unsuccessfully hoped-for new insights straight from the horses’ mouths.
And then there’s the author’s incessant commentary in between the anecdotes. It felt that the author wants the readers to think about these a certain way - her way, and discard everything else one knows. And she goes on slapping citations after citations and quoting prominent researchers as a way of validation of her own thoughts. I mean, no one ever goes to cross-check the facts so these citations are, effectively, for the author’s own sake. There were a lot of highly misplaced and unwarranted comments and assertions.
Three things in particular which I ended up questioning,
1. The stories of her subjects were not at all linear. References of her subjects kept on haphazardly surfacing throughout the book which made it pretty confusing to recognise the subject (the situations in which her subjects raped were different for each) and to recall his story before getting back to the original context.
2. I believe the book was meant to channel the Indian masses. Why then did she resort to such high-level English is something I couldn’t understand. Regale and not amuse. Nebulous and not vague / uncertain. Blasé and not indifferent. I know for certain that some of my friends too, who even having passed from good ICSE schools, won’t be able to ever read this. Moreover, I believe when the author rightfully inserted Hindi words and phrases so that the readers can get the pulse of the contexts, she should have been mindful of the difficulty level of the language used too.
3. Something I’m never able to get my head around is why do authors like to call their chapters something that they feel is relatable?? One thing they don’t realise is while reading a book, that too non-fictions, people build expectations and contexts around chapter names and later these same names help in recalling the gist of the chapters. It’s actually very simple to have straightforward names. And I can bet anyone why hasn’t read the book yet, by looking at the chapter names, it might seem either like a crime thriller or a revenge drama or better yet, a romantic novel.
But above all, and what’s unquestionably more important, is the author’s valiant effort to get this book and these stories infront of people, especially after being a survivor herself, taking a breathtaking amount of risk in the process. She has done a commendable job of making it engrossing enough (through the facts of course) and I only hope that men, just like myself, could learn a thing or two, about women's safety from it.
Because, let’s be honest, men can never truly understand the hardships of being a woman. So what we should instead strive for is always bettering our understanding of them.
I’d recommend this (to selective people)!!
Something that I believed was it must not be for pleasure [solely]. After all, what would a man get raping a teenage girl child? And to a large extent, the book proved my assertion right in this regard.
There are many things at play here - as revenge on a female’s male relatives, not knowing the definition of “NO” (thank you Bollywood), seeing it as their right (irrespective of the pleasure quotient), male chauvinism, abusive childhood, a married woman’s duty regarding sex to her husband, etc.
There is also a myriad of issues that she discusses - objectification of women mainly in the lower strata, the MeToo movement, effects of alcohol and pornography, victimization of men in a highly patriarchal society, our crippled judiciary system, etc.
The one thing which took me by absolute surprise is the part on the amount of time women spend on safety. That some part of their brains is always occupied with this and the many missed opportunities that results because of it. Although I’ve always considered myself fairly cognizant of other’s comfort levels, this small part convinced me to improve my cognizance further.
But apart from this, there’s nothing new that I got to know. There was never a striking truth that jumped up howling straight on my face. I don’t think I’m wrong to say that while rape is probably the most pressing issue, it’s for the same reason it’s also highly publicized, making people well aware of its nuances. I had unsuccessfully hoped-for new insights straight from the horses’ mouths.
And then there’s the author’s incessant commentary in between the anecdotes. It felt that the author wants the readers to think about these a certain way - her way, and discard everything else one knows. And she goes on slapping citations after citations and quoting prominent researchers as a way of validation of her own thoughts. I mean, no one ever goes to cross-check the facts so these citations are, effectively, for the author’s own sake. There were a lot of highly misplaced and unwarranted comments and assertions.
Three things in particular which I ended up questioning,
1. The stories of her subjects were not at all linear. References of her subjects kept on haphazardly surfacing throughout the book which made it pretty confusing to recognise the subject (the situations in which her subjects raped were different for each) and to recall his story before getting back to the original context.
2. I believe the book was meant to channel the Indian masses. Why then did she resort to such high-level English is something I couldn’t understand. Regale and not amuse. Nebulous and not vague / uncertain. Blasé and not indifferent. I know for certain that some of my friends too, who even having passed from good ICSE schools, won’t be able to ever read this. Moreover, I believe when the author rightfully inserted Hindi words and phrases so that the readers can get the pulse of the contexts, she should have been mindful of the difficulty level of the language used too.
3. Something I’m never able to get my head around is why do authors like to call their chapters something that they feel is relatable?? One thing they don’t realise is while reading a book, that too non-fictions, people build expectations and contexts around chapter names and later these same names help in recalling the gist of the chapters. It’s actually very simple to have straightforward names. And I can bet anyone why hasn’t read the book yet, by looking at the chapter names, it might seem either like a crime thriller or a revenge drama or better yet, a romantic novel.
But above all, and what’s unquestionably more important, is the author’s valiant effort to get this book and these stories infront of people, especially after being a survivor herself, taking a breathtaking amount of risk in the process. She has done a commendable job of making it engrossing enough (through the facts of course) and I only hope that men, just like myself, could learn a thing or two, about women's safety from it.
Because, let’s be honest, men can never truly understand the hardships of being a woman. So what we should instead strive for is always bettering our understanding of them.
I’d recommend this (to selective people)!!
January 25, 2021
This review is taken from my IG account @descanto
Tara Kaushal conducted qualitative research in socio-anthropological method and take her readers to investigate why men rape. She selected several men from different types of societies to represent the Indian population. Some may think that the sample is an over-generalisation saying that India is one of the most populated countries in the world and the number can’t represent any of them. Yet those samples are what enlightens the readers towards the subject that Kaushal wants to deliver.
Kaushal argues that the act of raping itself carries three components: power, anger and sexuality. In addition, there are so many factors also of doing so. Several factors like the level of education, social class and language gentry play a role in it. Those factors and components circle in the arena of power, masculinities and the patriarchal system in the societies. The shocking part is that some of the rapists mentioned do belong to the higher caste of Indian social class.
The book is not an easy reading even it is enlightening. But what I do love from the book is the way Kaushal taking the readers to get close to the victims by knowing the who - the rapists, how - they conduct such action, why - their reasons to do so. The personal stories of the rapists are somehow take the readers to unveil their psychological reasons in committing such actions (even we cannot justify their actions too).
I know that most books about raping will always tell about why what how and circle the discussions in a small scope from the victim’s POV or in the circle of feminism or masculinity. In the end, those authors will co-optate themselves by making a blunder in it. Kaushal’s somehow is so personal as she mostly sees it from the psychological perspectives . Those things are written and delivered in simple language a normal people can understand. Well, I am Indonesian and I must say that I struggle a bit with the Indian sentences and the shifting to English but I can still picture the whole plot.
Tara Kaushal conducted qualitative research in socio-anthropological method and take her readers to investigate why men rape. She selected several men from different types of societies to represent the Indian population. Some may think that the sample is an over-generalisation saying that India is one of the most populated countries in the world and the number can’t represent any of them. Yet those samples are what enlightens the readers towards the subject that Kaushal wants to deliver.
Kaushal argues that the act of raping itself carries three components: power, anger and sexuality. In addition, there are so many factors also of doing so. Several factors like the level of education, social class and language gentry play a role in it. Those factors and components circle in the arena of power, masculinities and the patriarchal system in the societies. The shocking part is that some of the rapists mentioned do belong to the higher caste of Indian social class.
The book is not an easy reading even it is enlightening. But what I do love from the book is the way Kaushal taking the readers to get close to the victims by knowing the who - the rapists, how - they conduct such action, why - their reasons to do so. The personal stories of the rapists are somehow take the readers to unveil their psychological reasons in committing such actions (even we cannot justify their actions too).
I know that most books about raping will always tell about why what how and circle the discussions in a small scope from the victim’s POV or in the circle of feminism or masculinity. In the end, those authors will co-optate themselves by making a blunder in it. Kaushal’s somehow is so personal as she mostly sees it from the psychological perspectives . Those things are written and delivered in simple language a normal people can understand. Well, I am Indonesian and I must say that I struggle a bit with the Indian sentences and the shifting to English but I can still picture the whole plot.
August 24, 2021
The title of the book intrigued me, and I dived into the book, expecting an answer to the one question that is in the minds of girls all around the world, especially in the third world countries, why men rape?
But unfortunately the book doesnt meet the hype that the title tries to create. The introduction of the book is well written with all the data and numbers, which are easy to understand. But after the introduction, the book is very inconsistent and jumbled up.
I expected the book to have disturbing yet detailed accounts of the 9 subjects’ psyche and what made them the violate their victims’ bodies and minds. But instead the book has few lines thrown around here and there from the accused, their families and in few cases the victims. The flow of the books is so haphazard I never knew when was the author talking about which subject.
While dealing with a sensitive topic like rape, an author should provide opinions with strong research based arguements and supported by facts. But instead Kaushal seems to provide her biased opinions on every subject and every topic without any solid scientific data to back her up. She doesnt seem neutral in her approach. And I honestly dont know what is with Kaushal’s love for internet slangs!
And the solution she gives at the end of the book to curb the rape pandemic is so simple and unreal, Universal Love and Human Rights. Only if it was so simple. The 3 stars are for the author’s attempt to bring a topic like Rape to books and the risks she took while researching for the same. Other than that, the book is just a waste of time.
But unfortunately the book doesnt meet the hype that the title tries to create. The introduction of the book is well written with all the data and numbers, which are easy to understand. But after the introduction, the book is very inconsistent and jumbled up.
I expected the book to have disturbing yet detailed accounts of the 9 subjects’ psyche and what made them the violate their victims’ bodies and minds. But instead the book has few lines thrown around here and there from the accused, their families and in few cases the victims. The flow of the books is so haphazard I never knew when was the author talking about which subject.
While dealing with a sensitive topic like rape, an author should provide opinions with strong research based arguements and supported by facts. But instead Kaushal seems to provide her biased opinions on every subject and every topic without any solid scientific data to back her up. She doesnt seem neutral in her approach. And I honestly dont know what is with Kaushal’s love for internet slangs!
And the solution she gives at the end of the book to curb the rape pandemic is so simple and unreal, Universal Love and Human Rights. Only if it was so simple. The 3 stars are for the author’s attempt to bring a topic like Rape to books and the risks she took while researching for the same. Other than that, the book is just a waste of time.
October 17, 2020
Tara interviewed nine men for this book across India from different religion,culture and socio economic background who have raped.
Common thing between her subjects or I would say in maximum Indians are the misogynistic ideas about women gleaned from porn, bollywood, socioreligious environment and lack of sex education.
Though she had taken all precautionary measures while researching but then also it take lot of courage for a lady to interview rapists by being with them from morning to evening, Tara also escaped narrowly from one of her subject who planned to rape her.
After reading this book you will realize that around us there are many factors that can lead to develop a rapist mindset.
The only thing I disliked about this book is that are only 9 subjects out of 130 crore population are sufficient ? I am looking forward for a more researched and well written second part of this book.
It is a great but not a perfect book.
Do also read 'Our Bodies, Their Battlefield' by Christina Lamb on this topic.
Common thing between her subjects or I would say in maximum Indians are the misogynistic ideas about women gleaned from porn, bollywood, socioreligious environment and lack of sex education.
Though she had taken all precautionary measures while researching but then also it take lot of courage for a lady to interview rapists by being with them from morning to evening, Tara also escaped narrowly from one of her subject who planned to rape her.
After reading this book you will realize that around us there are many factors that can lead to develop a rapist mindset.
The only thing I disliked about this book is that are only 9 subjects out of 130 crore population are sufficient ? I am looking forward for a more researched and well written second part of this book.
It is a great but not a perfect book.
Do also read 'Our Bodies, Their Battlefield' by Christina Lamb on this topic.
May 7, 2021
I had great expectations from this book but ALAS!!! The author jumbled up the characters so much that in the end I remembered only 3or 4.
If it was a thoroughly researched book, then it should have been totally unbiased, which IT IS NOT. I know every person have their experiences and opinions, but rather than sticking to them, author should have researched the other side of the coin too.
P. S. The biggest rape allegations in the recent years (recent to the book too), was on the Kerala Priest, and I didn't see a single mention of that. Correct me if I'm wrong
If it was a thoroughly researched book, then it should have been totally unbiased, which IT IS NOT. I know every person have their experiences and opinions, but rather than sticking to them, author should have researched the other side of the coin too.
P. S. The biggest rape allegations in the recent years (recent to the book too), was on the Kerala Priest, and I didn't see a single mention of that. Correct me if I'm wrong
March 7, 2021
While the narratives are haunting even for me (a man) , the chapters are a bit incoherent. It reads more like a social science thesis. However, it all comes together nicely in the end, in the last two chapters. Notwithstanding my average rating I would still encourage people to read this book, and act on it!
August 27, 2024
In my humble attempt to understand the dire situation in India (and how to remedy it), I came across this title on a popular subreddit.
The author has 'interviewed' 9 rape accused as a part of this literary project whilst being undercover and through associated questions has tried to discover their psyche, motivations and the reasons for their heinous crimes. While some tropes were familiar and predictable (rape is used as an act of exercising power), some were eye opening to me (survivors of child abuse becoming perpetrators themselves). The book, in a strange way, humanised and dehumanised the accused, which helped me dig deeper beyond my rage and fury, to critically examine the systemic issues at hand.
Patriarchy, misogyny, narcissism, child sexual abuse, poverty, power dynamics, societal factors, upbringing, domestic violence, orthodoxy, religion, lust and revenge - are all the reasons why men rape, according to this book. It also shows how the problems are so endemic and well entrenched in the system, that completely uprooting it seems like an impossible task. But try, we all must.
The author has 'interviewed' 9 rape accused as a part of this literary project whilst being undercover and through associated questions has tried to discover their psyche, motivations and the reasons for their heinous crimes. While some tropes were familiar and predictable (rape is used as an act of exercising power), some were eye opening to me (survivors of child abuse becoming perpetrators themselves). The book, in a strange way, humanised and dehumanised the accused, which helped me dig deeper beyond my rage and fury, to critically examine the systemic issues at hand.
Patriarchy, misogyny, narcissism, child sexual abuse, poverty, power dynamics, societal factors, upbringing, domestic violence, orthodoxy, religion, lust and revenge - are all the reasons why men rape, according to this book. It also shows how the problems are so endemic and well entrenched in the system, that completely uprooting it seems like an impossible task. But try, we all must.
December 29, 2020
A bold effort from a talented writer and diligent researcher to write a book about rape in India.
I have read a lot of critical reviews here from experienced readers about the jumbled narrative but I will not delve into that.
The introduction of the book is very well written with statistics and honest bullet points. Similarly the last chapter of the book brings out her own forays with molestation and living in unsafe environment first hand.
Staying with nine rapists for a young female with a list of 250 questions was no joke and I applaud her for daring to do this.
So 5 stars for all of the above.
However one star deducted because the main reasons explored for rape are the social ones. Some childhood abuse in a handful of people is anecdotal at best.
There are lots of unexplored areas like genetic, psychological, environmental and many more which go to the formation of a sex terrorist.
Still I recommend this book because the young readers will find a lot of clues regarding abusive behaviour and the recent ways to avoid and report potential abusers.
I have read a lot of critical reviews here from experienced readers about the jumbled narrative but I will not delve into that.
The introduction of the book is very well written with statistics and honest bullet points. Similarly the last chapter of the book brings out her own forays with molestation and living in unsafe environment first hand.
Staying with nine rapists for a young female with a list of 250 questions was no joke and I applaud her for daring to do this.
So 5 stars for all of the above.
However one star deducted because the main reasons explored for rape are the social ones. Some childhood abuse in a handful of people is anecdotal at best.
There are lots of unexplored areas like genetic, psychological, environmental and many more which go to the formation of a sex terrorist.
Still I recommend this book because the young readers will find a lot of clues regarding abusive behaviour and the recent ways to avoid and report potential abusers.
September 17, 2020
The book is a mix of Tara Kaushal's personal observations as she talked to the (alleged) rapists and research on related topics like gender, sexuality, privilege, etc from around the world. It is great piece of literature research and the author has done a commendable job at consolidating all the facts on rape culture and presenting it to the reader in 250 pages. I just felt that this book will be more useful for someone who hasn't read much about rape culture and might work as an eye opener for them. I think i was expecting deeper analysis of the subjects or perpetrators the author interviewed for this book. However, as a journalistic investigation, this book is one of the most important ones that have been written on this subject in India.
January 22, 2022
The book is a courageous piece of journalism but it could have benefitted from sharper editing. A steely effort nonetheless.
April 29, 2026
TW: Rape
I'll start by saying I WOULD recommend this. It was more of a 3.25-3.5, but I would recommend this. My issues with the book are not big enough to discount the larger point this book makes.
For once, I'll start with what I wish was done better.
Firstly, while this book is supposed to be about insights derived from rapists and their survivors, a lot of it gets lost in the entropy of everything else. This book consists of: stories of un-convicted rapists, tales of survivors, analysis of experts, the writer's own thoughts, and more. Problem is, all of it is happening at the same time. The narration jumps from one thing to the next, sometimes from one subject to the other in the same paragraph. As a reader, it is difficult to keep up.
The writer discusses how she spent a week with the subjects, so I assume she has a lot of notes and a lot she could have told. I wish the book was arranged into complete parts - complete parts fleshing out the characteristics, experiences, and so on of the rapist and their survivor, followed by standalone sections discussing the expert opinions and research on what the findings mean. It would have been far easier to interpret, follow, and paint the whole picture in my mind. Right now, it felt like I was putting together 8-9 jigsaw puzzles and I found random pieces of any of those puzzles at random times, and had to scour in my mind to remember which puzzle they belonged to.
While writing the Conclusion and speaking of survivors, the writer says "Through this book, you’ve met Karima Mirza and Anuradha Prajapat [...]" - and that's exactly it. It feels like I've met them in passing. I didn't even remember who Anuradha Prajapat was and whether the writer had talked to her at all, by the time I read this line in the Conclusion.
Secondly, the one moment that truly put me off and made it difficult for me to continue reading more, until I reached the conclusion which made me see the writer in better light again - this specific portion on Page 183. Speaking of the alternate Facebook profile she made to go undercover and how she had made 500 FB friends across the people she met in real life, her subjects, and so on, and how that changed her feed, she had:
There have been other moments as well, such as when the writer believed how casteism was declining in villages based off of one conversation before repeatedly talking about how lower caste women, especially in villages, get even more abused than privileged women, but I digress. The writing style was difficult to get used to, and sure, the writer was sarcastic, but this specific bit did not sound like satire to me. It was sardonic. How the writer felt 'cringeworthy' felt patronizing and condescending, despite the writer repeatedly showing how hyper-aware she was about her own privilege, as an upper-caste, upper-class feminist. The irony and hypocrisy of this SPECIFIC instance was hard to move past.
Thirdly, while of course, the writer is well within her right to feel however she does as she literally interacts with unconvicted rapists, and I don't blame her for being disgusted and appalled, there were moments when again, the sardonic tone came up which did not allow me to form my own opinions. Since this was an undercover investigation and there was an unbiased methodology, I wish, while understanding why this would be hard, that the stories and findings had been presented objectively instead of with the repeated touch of sarcasm, taunts, and snide remarks.
And yet, I would recommend this book.
The conclusion, in some ways, won me over. Even more than that, like I had said earlier, my critique is not big enough to discount or devalue the larger point this book makes. A lot of the details and insights were revealing for me, enraged me, appalled me, and intrigued me. A lot of it validated what I already knew.
I appreciate that men of different social strata, different geographies were talked to. There's no other way to put this - the book is insightful. It is an intriguing read. Do be prepared for the shortcomings that I and many other readers of this book have pointed out, keep them aside, and focus on the essential question the writer grapples with - why do men rape?
P.S. - A lot of interesting books, articles, studies have been cited too. I thank this book for the wealth of resources it provides to those who are curious and wish to read more on the subject.
I'll start by saying I WOULD recommend this. It was more of a 3.25-3.5, but I would recommend this. My issues with the book are not big enough to discount the larger point this book makes.
For once, I'll start with what I wish was done better.
Firstly, while this book is supposed to be about insights derived from rapists and their survivors, a lot of it gets lost in the entropy of everything else. This book consists of: stories of un-convicted rapists, tales of survivors, analysis of experts, the writer's own thoughts, and more. Problem is, all of it is happening at the same time. The narration jumps from one thing to the next, sometimes from one subject to the other in the same paragraph. As a reader, it is difficult to keep up.
The writer discusses how she spent a week with the subjects, so I assume she has a lot of notes and a lot she could have told. I wish the book was arranged into complete parts - complete parts fleshing out the characteristics, experiences, and so on of the rapist and their survivor, followed by standalone sections discussing the expert opinions and research on what the findings mean. It would have been far easier to interpret, follow, and paint the whole picture in my mind. Right now, it felt like I was putting together 8-9 jigsaw puzzles and I found random pieces of any of those puzzles at random times, and had to scour in my mind to remember which puzzle they belonged to.
While writing the Conclusion and speaking of survivors, the writer says "Through this book, you’ve met Karima Mirza and Anuradha Prajapat [...]" - and that's exactly it. It feels like I've met them in passing. I didn't even remember who Anuradha Prajapat was and whether the writer had talked to her at all, by the time I read this line in the Conclusion.
Secondly, the one moment that truly put me off and made it difficult for me to continue reading more, until I reached the conclusion which made me see the writer in better light again - this specific portion on Page 183. Speaking of the alternate Facebook profile she made to go undercover and how she had made 500 FB friends across the people she met in real life, her subjects, and so on, and how that changed her feed, she had:
access to what Reddit calls ‘Indian People Facebook’, that the site’s algorithms–honed over knowing me for over a decade–keeps off my real profile. I found the cringeworthy selfies and funny quotes of non-English-speaking internet users discovering the wonders of social media, of course.
There have been other moments as well, such as when the writer believed how casteism was declining in villages based off of one conversation before repeatedly talking about how lower caste women, especially in villages, get even more abused than privileged women, but I digress. The writing style was difficult to get used to, and sure, the writer was sarcastic, but this specific bit did not sound like satire to me. It was sardonic. How the writer felt 'cringeworthy' felt patronizing and condescending, despite the writer repeatedly showing how hyper-aware she was about her own privilege, as an upper-caste, upper-class feminist. The irony and hypocrisy of this SPECIFIC instance was hard to move past.
Thirdly, while of course, the writer is well within her right to feel however she does as she literally interacts with unconvicted rapists, and I don't blame her for being disgusted and appalled, there were moments when again, the sardonic tone came up which did not allow me to form my own opinions. Since this was an undercover investigation and there was an unbiased methodology, I wish, while understanding why this would be hard, that the stories and findings had been presented objectively instead of with the repeated touch of sarcasm, taunts, and snide remarks.
And yet, I would recommend this book.
The conclusion, in some ways, won me over. Even more than that, like I had said earlier, my critique is not big enough to discount or devalue the larger point this book makes. A lot of the details and insights were revealing for me, enraged me, appalled me, and intrigued me. A lot of it validated what I already knew.
I appreciate that men of different social strata, different geographies were talked to. There's no other way to put this - the book is insightful. It is an intriguing read. Do be prepared for the shortcomings that I and many other readers of this book have pointed out, keep them aside, and focus on the essential question the writer grapples with - why do men rape?
P.S. - A lot of interesting books, articles, studies have been cited too. I thank this book for the wealth of resources it provides to those who are curious and wish to read more on the subject.
July 18, 2025
well, I don't know how women feel when the streets haunts them cause of men, i don't know what they feel, what they think, but i know the men's perspective, how we see women, and how i used to see women,
well when i was younger around 11-15,the surroundings were shaping my thoughts, I come from a rural area, and not very educated environment, in my area teenagers and also when i was at that age, we abuse alot and nobody stops us.
so imagine you accidentally landed in my area, and Somehow you slapped a boy on the street who was playing were cheerfully, now cause you slapped him, he'll say you this (𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘪 𝘬𝘦 𝘣**𝘳 𝘤𝘩*𝘥*), means(𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚙""𝚜𝚢), and this is just a normal abusive thing here,
there are more likes(𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪 𝘬𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘢), (𝘣**𝘳𝘤𝘩*𝘥𝘢ᵖˢˢʸᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳ), and there are alot of like these.
so when we use these words, we are the bad ones, but why nobody stoped us, rapist are the evils, but what about the society and environment who makes them.
somehow i got the ladyluck in my life, the girl whom i loved, she pushed me to reading, and now i don't have enough time to talk to her cause I'm busy in my studies and reading books, my thoughts have changed now,
but i could be one of those rapists, due to the environment and society.
once i was coming from school with my friends, and ahead of us was a girl who was going somewhere, so this is just simple, but my friends said, "look at her bumps, she must be f*cked by plenty of men,"and the same about women's breasts, when my village people see someone's big breasts, they say"she must have alot of hand on them".
this book is hard to read due to author's placing stories in a very different way,
and i would not say everybody should read this, cause my belief is whoever can read these kinds of book, they are mature enough about rape culture and women,
the problems often comes by illiterate or uneducated or the one who have the 10th degree but don't know anything, they cause the problem.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢
society(movies, language, family, religion, friends neighbours, culture, media, schools, collage, etc)
before the jio revolution, my friends used to go at cyber cafe, and ask him to put blue film in SD card for 5-10₹, and that SD card goes to every friends phone after every night, after that we used to talk about whatever we saw on those videos,
note-(ʷᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵃʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ ¹³-¹⁵ ʸᵉᵃʳˢ ᵒˡᵈ)
so we started talking about those and in every group there was/is/will always a person who knows alot about this.
here are the conversation that i remember -
:-ˢʰᵉ ⁱˢ ᵃ ᵛᵉʳʸ ᶠᵃᵐᵒᵘˢ ᵃᵈᵘˡᵗ ᵃᶜᵗᵃʳᵉˢˢ, ᵈᵒᵉˢ ˢʰᵉ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ ᶠᵒʳ ⁱᵗ?.
:-𝚗𝚘, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢.
:-ʸᵉᵃʰ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᶜᵃⁿ ʷᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ʰᵉʳ, ʷᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒʳᵐᵃˡ ᵇᵒʸˢ, ˢʰᵉ ᵐᵘˢᵗ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ.
:-𝚑𝚊𝚑𝚑𝚊, 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎.
now look, most of the men talk like that, men are very professional about their work, they most of the time focus on work, but when they get time they explode thier wild ideas about porn and sex.
if the person upbringing had in good way, it will give good empact on boys, but in india boys learn a lot from streets.
here's another one when we went to give matriculation exam to a city, and in city they have brothels, so two of my friends went to brothel.
:-ʷʰʸ ᵈⁱᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉ(ⁱᵗˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵐᵉ)
:-𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙
:-ᵐᵒᵗʰᵉʳᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳ, ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉⁿᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈⁱᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ.
:-𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚗(𝚒 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎) 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚜𝚘 𝚒 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞.
:-𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎,𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗, 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.
now you can see how normal this thing is for these guys.
here's another one when i went to a wedding with my friend, and there was a maid who was cooking food for whole family
:-ˢʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿᵗ ᶜᵒᵒᵏ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᶠᵒᵒᵈ
:-𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚍, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.
as i said i used to be in that group when i was a boy,
i don't know what the men have wild ideas about women amd sex,but i know what teenagers of rural areas think, and the biggest problems starts here, it starts with the boys, and these thinking shapes them to a wild animal later.
I've alot of things to describe how they thinks and i guess i can write a book on that, but for here that's enough,
society is very complex, so the society problems are , instead of just picking one thing to put all blame on it,we should take plenty of it, and instead of solving only one problem we should focus on plenty of those.
well when i was younger around 11-15,the surroundings were shaping my thoughts, I come from a rural area, and not very educated environment, in my area teenagers and also when i was at that age, we abuse alot and nobody stops us.
so imagine you accidentally landed in my area, and Somehow you slapped a boy on the street who was playing were cheerfully, now cause you slapped him, he'll say you this (𝘵𝘰𝘳𝘪 𝘮𝘢𝘪 𝘬𝘦 𝘣**𝘳 𝘤𝘩*𝘥*), means(𝚒'𝚕𝚕 𝚏𝚞𝚌𝚔 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚖𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛'𝚜 𝚙""𝚜𝚢), and this is just a normal abusive thing here,
there are more likes(𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘪 𝘬𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘯𝘢), (𝘣**𝘳𝘤𝘩*𝘥𝘢ᵖˢˢʸᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳ), and there are alot of like these.
so when we use these words, we are the bad ones, but why nobody stoped us, rapist are the evils, but what about the society and environment who makes them.
somehow i got the ladyluck in my life, the girl whom i loved, she pushed me to reading, and now i don't have enough time to talk to her cause I'm busy in my studies and reading books, my thoughts have changed now,
but i could be one of those rapists, due to the environment and society.
once i was coming from school with my friends, and ahead of us was a girl who was going somewhere, so this is just simple, but my friends said, "look at her bumps, she must be f*cked by plenty of men,"and the same about women's breasts, when my village people see someone's big breasts, they say"she must have alot of hand on them".
this book is hard to read due to author's placing stories in a very different way,
and i would not say everybody should read this, cause my belief is whoever can read these kinds of book, they are mature enough about rape culture and women,
the problems often comes by illiterate or uneducated or the one who have the 10th degree but don't know anything, they cause the problem.
𝚃𝚑𝚎 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢 𝚙𝚛𝚘𝚋𝚕𝚎𝚖𝚜 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚜𝚑𝚊𝚙𝚎𝚍 𝚋𝚢 𝚜𝚘𝚌𝚒𝚎𝚝𝚢
society(movies, language, family, religion, friends neighbours, culture, media, schools, collage, etc)
before the jio revolution, my friends used to go at cyber cafe, and ask him to put blue film in SD card for 5-10₹, and that SD card goes to every friends phone after every night, after that we used to talk about whatever we saw on those videos,
note-(ʷᵉ ʷᵉʳᵉ ᵃʳᵒᵘⁿᵈ ¹³-¹⁵ ʸᵉᵃʳˢ ᵒˡᵈ)
so we started talking about those and in every group there was/is/will always a person who knows alot about this.
here are the conversation that i remember -
:-ˢʰᵉ ⁱˢ ᵃ ᵛᵉʳʸ ᶠᵃᵐᵒᵘˢ ᵃᵈᵘˡᵗ ᵃᶜᵗᵃʳᵉˢˢ, ᵈᵒᵉˢ ˢʰᵉ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ ᶠᵒʳ ⁱᵗ?.
:-𝚗𝚘, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚟𝚎𝚛𝚢 𝚑𝚘𝚛𝚗𝚢, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚓𝚞𝚜𝚝 𝚠𝚊𝚗𝚝 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜, 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚢 𝚍𝚘𝚗𝚝 𝚌𝚊𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚋𝚘𝚞𝚝 𝚖𝚘𝚗𝚎𝚢.
:-ʸᵉᵃʰ, ᵇᵘᵗ ᶜᵃⁿ ʷᵉ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ʰᵉʳ, ʷᵉ ᵃʳᵉ ⁿᵒʳᵐᵃˡ ᵇᵒʸˢ, ˢʰᵉ ᵐᵘˢᵗ ᶜʰᵃʳᵍᵉ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ.
:-𝚑𝚊𝚑𝚑𝚊, 𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚘 𝚑𝚎𝚛, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚎 𝚗𝚘𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔 𝚋𝚞𝚝 𝚢𝚘𝚞𝚛 𝚠𝚑𝚘𝚕𝚎 𝚋𝚘𝚍𝚢 𝚒𝚗𝚜𝚒𝚍𝚎.
now look, most of the men talk like that, men are very professional about their work, they most of the time focus on work, but when they get time they explode thier wild ideas about porn and sex.
if the person upbringing had in good way, it will give good empact on boys, but in india boys learn a lot from streets.
here's another one when we went to give matriculation exam to a city, and in city they have brothels, so two of my friends went to brothel.
:-ʷʰʸ ᵈⁱᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ʸᵒᵘ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗᵒ ᵗʰᵃᵗ ᵖˡᵃᶜᵉ(ⁱᵗˢ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵐᵉ)
:-𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚠𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚜𝚕𝚎𝚎𝚙
:-ᵐᵒᵗʰᵉʳᶠᵘᶜᵏᵉʳ, ʸᵒᵘ ʷᵉⁿᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ ʷⁱᵗʰ ᵐʸ ᵐᵒⁿᵉʸ, ᵃⁿᵈ ʸᵒᵘ ᵈⁱᵈ ⁿᵒᵗ ᵉᵛᵉⁿ ᵗᵃᵏᵉ ᵐᵉ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ.
:-𝚊𝚖𝚊𝚗(𝚒 𝚌𝚑𝚊𝚗𝚐𝚎𝚍 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚗𝚊𝚖𝚎) 𝚝𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚖𝚎 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎, 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚒𝚝𝚜 𝚖𝚢 𝚏𝚒𝚛𝚜𝚝 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎, 𝚜𝚘 𝚒 𝚍𝚒𝚍𝚗𝚝 𝚋𝚘𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛 𝚢𝚘𝚞.
:-𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚘𝚔𝚊𝚢, 𝚏𝚒𝚗𝚎,𝚒𝚏 𝚢𝚘𝚞 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎 𝚊𝚐𝚊𝚒𝚗, 𝚕𝚎𝚝 𝚖𝚎 𝚔𝚗𝚘𝚠, 𝚒 𝚠𝚒𝚕𝚕 𝚊𝚕𝚜𝚘 𝚐𝚘 𝚝𝚑𝚎𝚛𝚎.
now you can see how normal this thing is for these guys.
here's another one when i went to a wedding with my friend, and there was a maid who was cooking food for whole family
:-ˢʰᵉ ᵈᵒᵉˢⁿᵗ ᶜᵒᵒᵏ ᵍᵒᵒᵈ ᶠᵒᵒᵈ
:-𝚑𝚘𝚠 𝚌𝚊𝚗 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚌𝚘𝚘𝚔 𝚐𝚘𝚘𝚍 𝚏𝚘𝚘𝚍, 𝚜𝚑𝚎 𝚒𝚜 𝚋𝚞𝚜𝚢 𝚝𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚗𝚐 𝚍𝚒𝚌𝚔𝚜 𝚊𝚕𝚕 𝚝𝚑𝚎 𝚝𝚒𝚖𝚎.
as i said i used to be in that group when i was a boy,
i don't know what the men have wild ideas about women amd sex,but i know what teenagers of rural areas think, and the biggest problems starts here, it starts with the boys, and these thinking shapes them to a wild animal later.
I've alot of things to describe how they thinks and i guess i can write a book on that, but for here that's enough,
society is very complex, so the society problems are , instead of just picking one thing to put all blame on it,we should take plenty of it, and instead of solving only one problem we should focus on plenty of those.
December 27, 2020
Sometimes there are books that ask you to pause , think and feel all kinds of emotions . They are heartbreaking yet important ; and this book was exactly that for me .
She is wears tight and short clothes , she roams out with guys at night , , she is outwardly and friendly, she smiles when she talks, isn't that a hint !? Women need to know who they are , they need to be kept under control , women these days are always wanting it , if saints can't control themselves , how can normal humans? Men get influenced by hormones and under alcohol , men are free beings. And the list of excuses are endless. It disgusts me everytime someone tries to justify a crime , so delicate in its form and so heartbreaking , RAPE.
.
This book is an account of interviews with nine men who are perpetrators and representives of rape who have different yet the same mindset which cultivates the rape culture in India. The book touches a myriad of topics starting from rapes , to gangrapes , marital rapes (which still many people think doesn't exist ) , child sexual abuse(these literally break my heart) , domestic violence, misogynistic Indian households , MeToo movement and how the people consider women's bodies as their ways of revenge and avenge .
.
This book is a blend of excerpts from the interviews, where the men don't even consider that they committed a crime(that disgusts me), the author's personal opinions and references and quotes by educated persons in this field. Why are men taught that they have a control over women and their bodies , why are men told since childhood that they are the "raja beta" and are superior. The hunger for power and substantial anger to keep women below them , hyper sexualizing and cheap depiction of women in Bollywood which directly or indirectly influences a large mass of people the illicit and free availability of porn and the deep rooted patriarchy ( which is also ill- affecting men folk equally) are some of the major causes that paves ways for these crimes to surface.
.
Although the narrative isn't smooth and is scattered and jumbled a bit , I would like to appreciate the author for being so courageous and conducting these interviews and extensive research .
.
I would recommend this book to everyone because as the book says "to stop it , you need to see it ." It's tragic and painful but we need to put an end to it.
.
Keep reading , spread love .♥️
She is wears tight and short clothes , she roams out with guys at night , , she is outwardly and friendly, she smiles when she talks, isn't that a hint !? Women need to know who they are , they need to be kept under control , women these days are always wanting it , if saints can't control themselves , how can normal humans? Men get influenced by hormones and under alcohol , men are free beings. And the list of excuses are endless. It disgusts me everytime someone tries to justify a crime , so delicate in its form and so heartbreaking , RAPE.
.
This book is an account of interviews with nine men who are perpetrators and representives of rape who have different yet the same mindset which cultivates the rape culture in India. The book touches a myriad of topics starting from rapes , to gangrapes , marital rapes (which still many people think doesn't exist ) , child sexual abuse(these literally break my heart) , domestic violence, misogynistic Indian households , MeToo movement and how the people consider women's bodies as their ways of revenge and avenge .
.
This book is a blend of excerpts from the interviews, where the men don't even consider that they committed a crime(that disgusts me), the author's personal opinions and references and quotes by educated persons in this field. Why are men taught that they have a control over women and their bodies , why are men told since childhood that they are the "raja beta" and are superior. The hunger for power and substantial anger to keep women below them , hyper sexualizing and cheap depiction of women in Bollywood which directly or indirectly influences a large mass of people the illicit and free availability of porn and the deep rooted patriarchy ( which is also ill- affecting men folk equally) are some of the major causes that paves ways for these crimes to surface.
.
Although the narrative isn't smooth and is scattered and jumbled a bit , I would like to appreciate the author for being so courageous and conducting these interviews and extensive research .
.
I would recommend this book to everyone because as the book says "to stop it , you need to see it ." It's tragic and painful but we need to put an end to it.
.
Keep reading , spread love .♥️
September 26, 2020
Why Men Rape: An Indian Undercover Investigation
by Tara Kaushal
The book goes beyond its menacing title to deliver unique thought provoking observations behind the scenes of sexual violence which are latent beneath the minds and thoughts of disguise. Tara Kaushal sets out on an investigation of nine particular men who are not only the representative of the rape culture in common, rather they portray significant other factors which are predominantly ignored including the definition of rape.
The author has written a book rooted so deep into the unexplored spikes of human nature, that it doesn't fail to create an embedded imprint which would not leave the minds of the reader for a very long time. This is one of those books where the expressions itself are so concrete given the fact that the men who were interviewed ranged from the profession of medical excellence to an unemployed men who had decided to kill his former lover.
Speaking of the narration, it was equipped with a promising aftereffect and research studies which are more of facts than the mere words. It is a blood-curdling revelation everytime, when the reason for rape is heard and it is hard to assimilate it especially living in a country where rape is a general phenomena for people are unaware of its meaning and its consequences.
Not only the men behind bars, but also prejudiced media coverage along with dramatization in cinematic exposure, these all things merge into one essence so quickly with injustice thereby leading an exponential growth in rape cases and its other attributes. Being the most common of the cause as stated by the author is the language we use in our day to day lives which is a concoction of abusive words relative to women in our society - which becomes the truth in a furthermore perspective.
Especially at these times of uncertainty where marital rape cases takes the blow over anything - Why men rape is a significant milestone in understanding this hard-core word with a practical, legal, emotional and physical approach.
"To stop it, you have to see it."
by Tara Kaushal
The book goes beyond its menacing title to deliver unique thought provoking observations behind the scenes of sexual violence which are latent beneath the minds and thoughts of disguise. Tara Kaushal sets out on an investigation of nine particular men who are not only the representative of the rape culture in common, rather they portray significant other factors which are predominantly ignored including the definition of rape.
The author has written a book rooted so deep into the unexplored spikes of human nature, that it doesn't fail to create an embedded imprint which would not leave the minds of the reader for a very long time. This is one of those books where the expressions itself are so concrete given the fact that the men who were interviewed ranged from the profession of medical excellence to an unemployed men who had decided to kill his former lover.
Speaking of the narration, it was equipped with a promising aftereffect and research studies which are more of facts than the mere words. It is a blood-curdling revelation everytime, when the reason for rape is heard and it is hard to assimilate it especially living in a country where rape is a general phenomena for people are unaware of its meaning and its consequences.
Not only the men behind bars, but also prejudiced media coverage along with dramatization in cinematic exposure, these all things merge into one essence so quickly with injustice thereby leading an exponential growth in rape cases and its other attributes. Being the most common of the cause as stated by the author is the language we use in our day to day lives which is a concoction of abusive words relative to women in our society - which becomes the truth in a furthermore perspective.
Especially at these times of uncertainty where marital rape cases takes the blow over anything - Why men rape is a significant milestone in understanding this hard-core word with a practical, legal, emotional and physical approach.
"To stop it, you have to see it."
October 1, 2025
This book pretends to be a deep study on patriarchy, rape culture, and sexual violence in India. Yes, it explains the psychology of rapists, power dynamics, and the impact of upbringing and culture, which on the surface looks insightful. But the more you read, the more you realize it is heavily flawed and extremely biased.
First of all, the entire work is based on the fallacy of illicit generalization. Tara Kaushal interviewed just 9 rapists and then went on to draw sweeping conclusions about the whole society, policy, and even religion. It feels like the conclusions were pre-decided, and then the research was twisted to fit into them. That is not genuine scholarship.
Secondly (and this is the most problematic part), the book reeks of ideological bias. It is openly left-leaning and Hinduphobic in tone. She calls Lord Brahma a rapist, labels Rama as patriarchal, and goes as far as to criticize the Vedas and other Hindu texts "while openly admitting that neither she nor her family has ever read them!" How can such claims even be taken seriously? How absurd is that? And on top of that, there is not a single line of criticism against Islam, Christianity, or other religions. In fact, she even tries to defend them at certain points. This selective targeting of Hinduism and Brahmins while giving others a free pass is not just biased, it is hypocritical.
Yes, patriarchy, misogyny, and crimes against women are harsh realities that must be addressed. But if you really want to tackle them, you cannot do so by deliberately insulting a culture or religion, twisting facts, and pushing half-baked arguments. The book ends up being less about solutions and more about propaganda and sometimes absurd utopian ideas.
In my opinion, this is not a “well-written” or “balanced” book at all. Read it only if you want to see the extreme ideological narrative some people are trying to push, but do so with full conscience and awareness. Otherwise, it’s just noise wrapped as research.
First of all, the entire work is based on the fallacy of illicit generalization. Tara Kaushal interviewed just 9 rapists and then went on to draw sweeping conclusions about the whole society, policy, and even religion. It feels like the conclusions were pre-decided, and then the research was twisted to fit into them. That is not genuine scholarship.
Secondly (and this is the most problematic part), the book reeks of ideological bias. It is openly left-leaning and Hinduphobic in tone. She calls Lord Brahma a rapist, labels Rama as patriarchal, and goes as far as to criticize the Vedas and other Hindu texts "while openly admitting that neither she nor her family has ever read them!" How can such claims even be taken seriously? How absurd is that? And on top of that, there is not a single line of criticism against Islam, Christianity, or other religions. In fact, she even tries to defend them at certain points. This selective targeting of Hinduism and Brahmins while giving others a free pass is not just biased, it is hypocritical.
Yes, patriarchy, misogyny, and crimes against women are harsh realities that must be addressed. But if you really want to tackle them, you cannot do so by deliberately insulting a culture or religion, twisting facts, and pushing half-baked arguments. The book ends up being less about solutions and more about propaganda and sometimes absurd utopian ideas.
In my opinion, this is not a “well-written” or “balanced” book at all. Read it only if you want to see the extreme ideological narrative some people are trying to push, but do so with full conscience and awareness. Otherwise, it’s just noise wrapped as research.
July 26, 2025
Why men rape is undercover interviews of convict of rape that were under trial, or got bail or the criminal who encounter and the author tries to find under what mental and psychological conditions these crimes happened., variety of issues afflicting gender inequality are discussed - sexual violence, gang rapes, domestic violence, child sexual abuse, the MeToo movement, hyper-sexualised women in cinema, religion, rape as a war weapon, usage of language in normalisation of subjugation of women, sex work, and effects of pornography.
She found that people with less knowledge lead to teenage accidental pregnancy such cases as treated as rape and convicted become criminal and they do crime in future which can be heinous and it includes rape.
Author found that rape happened in various immigrants cases because of loneliness and free supply of porn and no one to supervise, person in power have evil intentions like something happens in her friends case which left her paralytic and doctor who did the surgery was guilt free.
Some did out of revenge because they won them in gambling and others did because of financial transactions gone wrong just to make them regret that their late payment has drastic outcomes . Some did it because they were drunk and someone challenged them for it.
All the reason that they give is shown there, mental and psychological but that doesn't make them not guilty, if they can handle substance abuse and urges for the time and can do such heinous crimes they are the anti social elements that are not required in the community.
Some did because they faced that in childhood and they thought inflicting pain to others lesser their pain.
I was fascinated by her understanding and explanation of why false rape complaints take place. She also acknowledged that men themselves are victims of patriarchy and, how it’s a fight between patriarchy and human rights.
She found that people with less knowledge lead to teenage accidental pregnancy such cases as treated as rape and convicted become criminal and they do crime in future which can be heinous and it includes rape.
Author found that rape happened in various immigrants cases because of loneliness and free supply of porn and no one to supervise, person in power have evil intentions like something happens in her friends case which left her paralytic and doctor who did the surgery was guilt free.
Some did out of revenge because they won them in gambling and others did because of financial transactions gone wrong just to make them regret that their late payment has drastic outcomes . Some did it because they were drunk and someone challenged them for it.
All the reason that they give is shown there, mental and psychological but that doesn't make them not guilty, if they can handle substance abuse and urges for the time and can do such heinous crimes they are the anti social elements that are not required in the community.
Some did because they faced that in childhood and they thought inflicting pain to others lesser their pain.
I was fascinated by her understanding and explanation of why false rape complaints take place. She also acknowledged that men themselves are victims of patriarchy and, how it’s a fight between patriarchy and human rights.
January 18, 2021
What made me randomly choose this book and have it on my table from an Amazon tab on my laptop was the title. Like the people described in the book, I too, had normalised rape. It happens, it is published as a news article, life goes on. ‘Why Men Rape,’ nobody thinks about it. I know I didn’t.
The title made me think, made me want to read, made me want to know.
The matter where I agree the most with the author is when she points out that not only cis-women are raped, but cis-men and genders beyond the binary are also raped.
What distinct women is the fear of rape that drives them. This fear is turned into ‘safety’ and ‘safety’ silently merges into patriarchy. After all, beti ko bachaana hai to use ghar pe rakho, shaitaan jo bahar ghoom rahe hain. Shaitaan has to be tamed.
Patriarchy fails to recognise the need of a better upbringing for our boys, where they learn that women and men are equal and they do not have the right to misbehave with anyone just because they were born with male genitalia.
Anyway, what I did like about the book was that the undercover investigation was inclusive of different sections of society and people from different corners of the country. She very well points about the problems that lie at the root of this.
Since the book talks about one side of the story, women being raped, it unconsciously creates a bias. It is important to understand the male psychology in order to know why they rape, but I felt that it went completely down the hill for them. By the end, I ended up questioning all the males in my life, despite the trust I have in them.
‘Not all men’ is not a valid defence, but there is truth in the statement.
Despite everything, I believe the author has discovered the answer well, why men rape, and explained it even better.
This book was an eye-opener for me, I strongly recommend it.
The title made me think, made me want to read, made me want to know.
The matter where I agree the most with the author is when she points out that not only cis-women are raped, but cis-men and genders beyond the binary are also raped.
What distinct women is the fear of rape that drives them. This fear is turned into ‘safety’ and ‘safety’ silently merges into patriarchy. After all, beti ko bachaana hai to use ghar pe rakho, shaitaan jo bahar ghoom rahe hain. Shaitaan has to be tamed.
Patriarchy fails to recognise the need of a better upbringing for our boys, where they learn that women and men are equal and they do not have the right to misbehave with anyone just because they were born with male genitalia.
Anyway, what I did like about the book was that the undercover investigation was inclusive of different sections of society and people from different corners of the country. She very well points about the problems that lie at the root of this.
Since the book talks about one side of the story, women being raped, it unconsciously creates a bias. It is important to understand the male psychology in order to know why they rape, but I felt that it went completely down the hill for them. By the end, I ended up questioning all the males in my life, despite the trust I have in them.
‘Not all men’ is not a valid defence, but there is truth in the statement.
Despite everything, I believe the author has discovered the answer well, why men rape, and explained it even better.
This book was an eye-opener for me, I strongly recommend it.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 8, 2021
Heartbreaking and enlightening read. Tara Kaushal got in contact with 9 rapists; selected to represent the Indian population in terms of age, religion, and caste. All of them are out and about. One is still practicing as a senior doctor in India's medical society. Through rigorous qualitative research ( both antropological and sociological in method), Tara Kaushal takes us through a journey of investigating why men rape.
The academic understanding is all rapes have 3 components present: power, anger, and sexuality. There is generally a confusion to what consistutes a rape and this is partly thanks to the media and religious codes. A "no" is dismissed as just playing hard to get. A rape is the answer to a man's failure to pay his USD 70 debt (yes, let that sink in). For certain men, the rape of Jyoti Singh was outrageous not because of the rape, but the use of a rod... and the fact that the one who got raped belongs to a higher level of society. And the most heartbreaking point of the book for me was that part where it is explained that gender violence increases as women's emancipation does... The irony, no?
Definitely not the easiest book to read. People talking about horror reads for Halloween but honesy tho, human beings are scariest... BUT at the same time, we as society can change this. There are women in Tara Kaushal's book (again consider the class and privilege of this group of survivors) who bounce back and thrive. Succumbing to hopelessness is precisely what hegemonic masculinity expects. The key takeaway for me would be to not sit on my privilege and to work hard to bring a better world. As a victim of CSA myself, I know fire burns things to dust... But fire tempers steel. I'm that steel sword and I will not be put away in my sheath.
The academic understanding is all rapes have 3 components present: power, anger, and sexuality. There is generally a confusion to what consistutes a rape and this is partly thanks to the media and religious codes. A "no" is dismissed as just playing hard to get. A rape is the answer to a man's failure to pay his USD 70 debt (yes, let that sink in). For certain men, the rape of Jyoti Singh was outrageous not because of the rape, but the use of a rod... and the fact that the one who got raped belongs to a higher level of society. And the most heartbreaking point of the book for me was that part where it is explained that gender violence increases as women's emancipation does... The irony, no?
Definitely not the easiest book to read. People talking about horror reads for Halloween but honesy tho, human beings are scariest... BUT at the same time, we as society can change this. There are women in Tara Kaushal's book (again consider the class and privilege of this group of survivors) who bounce back and thrive. Succumbing to hopelessness is precisely what hegemonic masculinity expects. The key takeaway for me would be to not sit on my privilege and to work hard to bring a better world. As a victim of CSA myself, I know fire burns things to dust... But fire tempers steel. I'm that steel sword and I will not be put away in my sheath.
September 11, 2021
Nice book , Although I disagree on some drawn conclusion by the Feminist author . She cannot blame everything on just caste ,culture ,etc . Because it isnt a thing in our past In ancient times Women were much respected , As opposed to what she tried to portray .
Anyway The only thing you will regret reading this is just that she doesnot know much about Our own culture , but talk and draw conclusion upon it . calling India to be much worse then the rest world . And as I read many books about position of women in the west , I am sure thats not true at all .
What you will like in her work is that she genuinly put you into her thoughts and her circumstances and deal with what she went through throughout her journey + Give insight to How Phycology of a man develop before he do such crimes . She done all this by Decepting the criminals and interviewing them .7 of them being Hindu 1 muslim and 1 christan dalit . She also interviewed Delhi gangrape convict if i remember Its a short book with some Hindi in between
Its a good book overall
Anyway The only thing you will regret reading this is just that she doesnot know much about Our own culture , but talk and draw conclusion upon it . calling India to be much worse then the rest world . And as I read many books about position of women in the west , I am sure thats not true at all .
What you will like in her work is that she genuinly put you into her thoughts and her circumstances and deal with what she went through throughout her journey + Give insight to How Phycology of a man develop before he do such crimes . She done all this by Decepting the criminals and interviewing them .7 of them being Hindu 1 muslim and 1 christan dalit . She also interviewed Delhi gangrape convict if i remember Its a short book with some Hindi in between
Its a good book overall
March 16, 2021
In my opinion, this is a read that we have to have. I loved the depth tara had analysed the issues and it was really an eye opener. From religion, language, power... The book really made me look back to my actions and conversation that I had often neglected.
Having said this, I must also add that the book was a drag for me during the first session as well as at the ending. I guess the reason for my lack of interest during the first set was because it was related to people with whom I could feebly relate. My experience with these people is very low, so maybe that could be the reason. Also towards the conclusion part, I felt the author dragging. Explaining about each and every sentences, about money, capitalism etc...
Overall I would say the books second and third sections are a must read to every Indian. It gets you start thinking more about yourself. Hats off to the author, for inspiring me to read more about myself when I thought I was a decent gentleman.
Having said this, I must also add that the book was a drag for me during the first session as well as at the ending. I guess the reason for my lack of interest during the first set was because it was related to people with whom I could feebly relate. My experience with these people is very low, so maybe that could be the reason. Also towards the conclusion part, I felt the author dragging. Explaining about each and every sentences, about money, capitalism etc...
Overall I would say the books second and third sections are a must read to every Indian. It gets you start thinking more about yourself. Hats off to the author, for inspiring me to read more about myself when I thought I was a decent gentleman.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
May 14, 2021
This is a very nice, well researched, well written book that appropriately explains economic, cultural, social and biological reasons for rape. The topic is not sensationalized, because that might feed rapists’ souls; instead, it is empirical, technical, theorized and very scientific. It’s hard not to think about and question our sociocultural norms after reading this book. This book clearly justifies the fact that ‘Feminism is not a battle between men and women but between the ideologies of patriarchy (or conservative, feudal norms) and human rights’. In last one chapter, where she tries to suggest a solution for this issue lacks technical details; it seemed more like selfhelp-spiritual-Osho-Deepak Chopra stuff. But anyways, that last chapter shouldn’t stop you from reading this book. It is of course a must read book.
February 17, 2026
Why Men Rape? by Tara Kaushal intends to offer a rationale behind the male perpetrators who have committed rape. she chooses a few people across various backgrounds from different age groups, visits their place and interviews them to find out that most of them are not aware of the concepts like consent and rape. Despite the legal punishment, they continue to believe that the victim demanded and enjoy it as well. Quite a shocking finding that stresses the need to set the basics right.
“Monsters are unintelligible, uncanny, and they are outwardly frightening. What is frightening about rapists is partly the lack of identifying marks and features, beyond the fact that they are by far most likely to be men. Rapists are human, all too human, and they are very much among us. The idea of rapists as monsters exonerates by caricature.”
“Monsters are unintelligible, uncanny, and they are outwardly frightening. What is frightening about rapists is partly the lack of identifying marks and features, beyond the fact that they are by far most likely to be men. Rapists are human, all too human, and they are very much among us. The idea of rapists as monsters exonerates by caricature.”
January 15, 2026
The book is an account of social impact on males and their psyche.
When I picked the book I was expecting how males are impacted by nature and nurture both, instead the book goes through a sample set of 9 people and their journey to the point of rape. While this is an eye opening book, which shows the glaring difference between understanding of what 'no' means and understanding of the opposite gender, highlighting the challenges both genders face, the book could have been written better with the narratives more coherent. The inferences and narration often mixed together and as a reader I was often left confused.
Overall hats off to the author to have taken the leap and to have the courage to go undercover, while also trying to understand the various dynamics at play.
When I picked the book I was expecting how males are impacted by nature and nurture both, instead the book goes through a sample set of 9 people and their journey to the point of rape. While this is an eye opening book, which shows the glaring difference between understanding of what 'no' means and understanding of the opposite gender, highlighting the challenges both genders face, the book could have been written better with the narratives more coherent. The inferences and narration often mixed together and as a reader I was often left confused.
Overall hats off to the author to have taken the leap and to have the courage to go undercover, while also trying to understand the various dynamics at play.
December 23, 2020
For: Everyone
Genre: Society & Culture/ Burning Issue
An eye-opening book, which not only talked about ‘rape’, but various other pertinent issues co-exist in society, including religion, child marriage, caste, etc. Tara, the author, went as an under-cover agent and interviewed 9 subjects (Indian men) of different socio-economic strata, religion, and geographical backgrounds. These interviews lead to some shocking confessions and disturbing facts that are difficult to ignore and to digest. Some chilling details and data cited (It provides plenty of resources to look into for further research/studies). Some of the best researchers quoted by Tara, which were just to the point.
It also covered the basic yet complex issue, like the meaning of rape itself. Further, it touches on various other aspects like child sexual abuse, illicit and free availability of porn, lack of sex education, gang rapes, marital rape, MeToo movement, and various factors influencing rape, etc. And here! It becomes chaos. A need for better and more extensive analysis is requisite. Though, I also fathom the fact that it’s not possible to do in a 250 pages book.
Honestly, in the end, I could not find myself appreciating Tara’s writing style, which is more of a chaotic nature because of a lack of a uniform way of storytelling of one subject at a time. However, I absolutely commend and praise Tara to firstly think to do this dangerous project all on her own and then finishing it by the way of eventually authoring this book.
Genre: Society & Culture/ Burning Issue
An eye-opening book, which not only talked about ‘rape’, but various other pertinent issues co-exist in society, including religion, child marriage, caste, etc. Tara, the author, went as an under-cover agent and interviewed 9 subjects (Indian men) of different socio-economic strata, religion, and geographical backgrounds. These interviews lead to some shocking confessions and disturbing facts that are difficult to ignore and to digest. Some chilling details and data cited (It provides plenty of resources to look into for further research/studies). Some of the best researchers quoted by Tara, which were just to the point.
It also covered the basic yet complex issue, like the meaning of rape itself. Further, it touches on various other aspects like child sexual abuse, illicit and free availability of porn, lack of sex education, gang rapes, marital rape, MeToo movement, and various factors influencing rape, etc. And here! It becomes chaos. A need for better and more extensive analysis is requisite. Though, I also fathom the fact that it’s not possible to do in a 250 pages book.
Honestly, in the end, I could not find myself appreciating Tara’s writing style, which is more of a chaotic nature because of a lack of a uniform way of storytelling of one subject at a time. However, I absolutely commend and praise Tara to firstly think to do this dangerous project all on her own and then finishing it by the way of eventually authoring this book.
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