Gids voor vrouwen met ADHD: overwin de chaos, richt je aandacht, en krijg meer gedaan

by Terry Matlen

Do you rule the realm of disorganization, clutter, and chaos? Are you constantly battling to get things done? Are you ready to give up and toss your day planner into the dungeon (otherwise known as your closet)? If so, you might just be The Queen of Distraction. And whether or not you’ve been formally diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you probably already know that something’s got to give. 
The Queen of Distraction presents practical skills to help women with ADHD achieve focus and balance in all areas of life, whether it’s at home, at work, or in relationships. Psychotherapist Terry Matlen delves into the feminine side of ADHD—the elements of this condition that are particular to women, such as: relationships, skin sensitivities, meal-planning, parenting, and dealing with out-of-control hormones. In addition, the book offers helpful tips and strategies to get your symptoms under control, and outlines a number of effective treatment options for you to pursue. From getting dressed in the morning, to making it to a job interview, to planning dinner—sometimes just getting through the day can be an ordeal for a woman with ADHD. If you’ve been accused of getting lost in your own world, maybe it’s time to make a change. If you’re ready to start getting organized and stop leaving your groceries in the car, this book can help. It’s more than just a survival guide; it’s an ADHD how-to to help you thrive!

Genres: Adhd, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Personal Development

193 pages, Paperback

First published October 1, 2014

About the author

Terry is a psychotherapist, author, and consultant specializing in ADHD in adults, with a special focus on women with ADHD. She is the author of the books, "The Queen of Distraction" (2014 New Harbinger Publications) and "Survival Tips for Women with ADHD" (2005 Specialty Press) and is the founder/director of www.ADDConsults.com and www.QueensOfDistraction.com . Terry also founded the social networking site, www.facebook.com/groups/womenWithADD/ .

She is the former Vice President and a board member of ADDA (Attention Deficit Disorder Assoc: www.add.org ) and is immediate past Coordinator of E. Oakland County CHADD (Michigan)- www.chadd.org . Terry is the founder and moderator of the first internet mailing list for ADD professionals.

Terry is certified through the Institute for the Advancement of ADHD Coaching as a Senior Certified Coach (SCAC) and runs online group coaching groups at www.QueensOfDistraction.com.

A nationally recognized speaker on the topic, Terry has a passion for raising awareness of the special challenges for women with ADHD and the unique issues they face as parents when both they and their children have ADHD. Her professional interests also include advocating for children with special needs.

Terry received a B.A. in Art Education, a M.S.W. in Clinical Social Work at Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan and studied painting at the Art Students League in NYC. She is licensed to practice in Michigan and New York.

Married with 2 young adult children (one of whom has ADHD) Terry also has ADHD herself. In her spare time she likes to paint (and has shown her work extensively), play guitar and various other instruments, read and spend time with her family.

Reviews

[Rianne Ranta · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was mostly terrible. I got one or two good meal planning tips out of it but most of it was annoying or useless.
It's a book for women with ADD. Because it's a book for women, the emphasis is on childcare and housework. I was hoping for practical advice, instead I got 'PMS gives you mood swings! Let's talk about parenting! Give yourself a room full of pillows!'

Any book that cites a WEbMD article loses any remaining respect I may have had for it.

I technically finished this, but skimmed through probably 2/3rds for being completely irrelevant to me.

[Becky Voorheis · Rating 1 out of 5]

I found this book incredibly patronizing and unhelpful. If middle aged women are like Atlas holding up the world, then us readers of this book are doing it with one hand tied behind our backs and the author is suggesting tactics like laminating recipe cards and gluing pictures of the contents of file folders on the outside. I felt like I had told her my house was on fire and she suggested I paint the garage door. Plus towards the end I started screaming inside every time she listed her website address - sometimes several times in one paragraph! What a waste of time.

[Bonnie Morse · Rating 2 out of 5]

The most you can take from my low rating is that this book did not help me. The author says she's an expert on women dealing with ADHD, and I'm certainly not, but I am an adult. I was seriously turned off by the cutesy puns, the use of headings like "Kitchen Klutter", and the author's insistence on cramming everyone into neat little compartments ("Morning Person or Night Owl?" "Morning Person or Night Owl", she says, over and over, in a book that is supposed to help those whose brains resent ruts and defy easy labeling). Way too much of it is dedicated to organization "tips" so simple and basic I can't imagine anyone who isn't physically brain damaged getting to age 40 without figuring them out (put your keys in a dish by the door! file papers in a filing cabinet!), and all of it assumes that the reader has children and is employed full time, as well as being an active volunteer.

Basically, it's not designed to help women with ADHD better understand their minds, but rather explains in what I felt were fairly insulting terms how to take the simplest steps toward appearing "normal". There isn't any room here for figuring out how you, personally, need to organize your life. Just lots and lots of descriptions of cubbies and launching pads and, um, filing cabinets. But, she remembers to tell us at the last moment, feel free to adapt her weirdly stringent cubbie system to your own needs (somehow) or it won't work.

Inconsistency was also a problem. I kind of gave up and started skimming during the "make your own planner" section, where we learned that it can be literally anything, even just some old notebook, but make sure it's divided into quarter hour segments, and also make sure it's a smartphone app. That you will later stick post-its in, after gathering them up from every room of the house at the end of every day.

Maybe if the title had made clear that "Women with ADHD" actually meant "Overworked Moms" I wouldn't be so disappointed. Okay, I definitely wouldn't be, because I wouldn't have read it in the first place.

[Andi · Rating 1 out of 5]

DNF at 23%. At almost a quarter in, it seems clear this is nothing more than a glorified "organize your life!" self-help book. Nothing so far seems particularly aimed toward someone with ADHD; it reads more like a collection of recycled organization tips you'd find in a listicle from a women's magazine (and I do mean a women's magazine -- the thing here is not that ADHD might manifest differently in women or anything like that; it's that the tips are for housework and shopping and raising the kids. That's what makes it "for women". AGH).

The clutter "triage" method she describes sounds exhausting, not to mention impractical -- sure, sort the papers into things that need dealt with NOW, things that can wait a bit, and things that just need put away. Okay, now after completing that (extra) step, in my house at least, the things that need done NOW get done, and the things that need done later...don't. Ever. And I've still got two ever-increasing piles of paper looming ever larger over my life. This is not helpful advice. And every chore seems to get this treatment: one task sprouts several extra steps -- excuse me, "tricks" -- that turn even mundane chores into something I need to stop and make a to-do list for. For somebody already feeling overwhelmed with simple chores, this is the opposite of helpful.

She talks about "laser-vision" cleaning, i.e. focusing on one small area at a time, like this is a thing I should be able to just...do? Like, no shit, I should just do one task until it's finished and then move on to the next one -- DUH, WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT? Next she'll cure depression by telling people to just cheer up.

I gave it up for good when she recommended hiring a professional organizer to get you started with decluttering your home office. If I had the money to hire a professional organizer, why the hell would I be checking out self-help books from the library?!

This book can fuck off. I'm gonna go sit amongst my piles of clutter and procrastinate by reading something entertaining instead.

[Charlotte · Rating 2 out of 5]

Meh. This book was gender essentialist, mono- & heteronormative. I thought this would be more about research and biology of women's brains and how ADHD typically manifests differently from young boys. It had SOME of that, but really it focused on how women can try to live up to the unreasonable gender stereotypes -- that is, if they have money to hire a babysitter, professional organizer, and ADHD coach, while also paying for lots of meals out.

What I did find helpful was realizing how many quirks I have are actually ADHD symptoms -- sensitivity to wool, necklaces feeling like they are choking me, overreaction/sensitivity, etc. I didn't think her solutions were that helpful on their own, but some of them reinforced what others have been saying/what I've already figured out. Overall, I'm glad to have read it but man, I am happy for the audiobook narration of "h-t-t-p-colon-slash-slash" and her website being stated a few times every chapter. Phew.

[Jasmin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is one of a few books my doctor recommended me too read to help me with my understanding of ADHD and how it is effecting my life. It was strangely unreal to read many sections of this book which felt like someone was following me around most of my life and jotting down notes for later, a little unnerving to be honest. But it was so helpful, many tips and tricks to use. I also get the ability to understand that my ADHD is not just about my hyperactivity or my inability to pay attention but a lot of different things all mashed up into one. And it help me feel a little less scattered simply knowing that their are other women out there with similar situations and I am not alone with dealing with a lot of this. While I'm still figuring out how to deal with things, I am slowly working my way through the long list of books given to me. But it makes me hopeful that I can manage this.

[Beth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book and found it very helpful. The only part I didn't like was the section on marriage, which was written from the perspective that any problems in the marriage were the fault of the person with ADD. Having ADD does not make you responsible for everything that goes wrong. The way your spouse responds can make a big difference, for good or ill, even aside from any issues of their own that they bring to the table.

[Jodi · Rating 2 out of 5]

There are a few helpful tips in here, but more often than not I found myself skipping sections. As I have no children, I skipped anything relating to organizing your children's lives (probably a good third of the book). Also, I don't meal plan, so there goes another quarter.

Much of the rest is giving suggestions that really won't work when push comes to shove - "put it in your planner!" which is great, unless you forget that you even have a planner, in which case all the planning in the world isn't going to help you out.

Mostly this book is about how to organize your stuff and put stuff in your planner and leave yourself a thousand notes all over the place. There might be a couple of useful tidbits found inside, but all in all I found that I already implement most of them, and the rest just either aren't practical, or don't apply.

Pass.

[E J · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is for women as in Wimmin... it’s about housework and managing households and kids and husbands and shit.
It had some interesting information but mostly just succeeded in making me feel sick and overwhelmed at all of the things that are going to be a constant struggle for the rest of my life. So that was great.
I would be stunned if any techniques in this book haven’t been at least attempted by most people with ADHD, regardless of their stage in life. They are simple organisational skills that anybody would use. There is nothing specific to ADHD. Like, it suggests designated spots for things. This is something people have suggested to me constantly my whole life. I have, for example, a designated spot for my keys, they go on the hook by my door. But I still lose them at least twice a week.
I also found the section about work incredibly disheartening, and cried imagining trying to get special concessions to accomodate my auditory sensitivities. I am now more convinced than ever that I will struggle my entire life not to be distressed and upset in the workplace. Her solutions suggested a total lack of awareness of the rigidity of many workplaces, and the TOTAL lack of empathy many people have for non-specific issues (the book advises not to disclose that you have ADHD).
If you do not:
1) have children
2) have a house in which multiple spaces are yours eg. If you are flatting
3) have any money
4)have a spouse
I would suggest trying other books because this one dedicates large chunks to kids, hiring organisers or helpers, taking control of household space, and relationships (focusing on more serious relationships).
Also given the focus on paper based paperwork and landline phones, I imagine this would be more helpful for people in their 50s and older.

[Sunnie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.65 rating. Readers will discover things they are not aware of, plus learn some new things along the way.

[Marika_reads · Rating 1 out of 5]

Najdurniejsze porady jakie kiedykolwiek słyszałam
Albo banały, albo idiotyczne, albo dla bogatych, albo takie, których samo czytanie będzie dla adhd’owca przytłaczające. Kilka przykładów:


jeśli przytłaczają cię tłumy z sklepach to chodź do nich jak inni są w pracy
żeby nie kupować jedzenia na zmarnowanie, kup sobie dużą lodówkę, żeby wszystko było w niej dobrze widać
zatrudnij kogoś, kto pomoże ci w organizacji szafek
posprzątaj znajomemu ogród, w on w zamian niech ci ugotuje obiad na cały tydzień
narysuj schematy wnętrza szafek i przyklej na wewnętrznej stronie drzwi - żebyś wiedziała gdzie szukać pieprzu i soli
powieś kartkę w spiżarni, na której będziesz zapisywać produkty, które się skończyły - wykorzystałaś już cały makaron, zapisz makaron
nie lubisz zmywać? jeśli masz szczęście to masz męża, który weźmie na siebie ten obowiązek
tymczasowe tatuaże są świetnym sposobem żeby zapisać ważne informacje, o których nie możesz zapomnieć
poranki z dziećmi są koszmarem? połóż dzieciaki wieczorem do łóżka w ubraniach, które mają założyć następnego dnia - co za oszczędność czasu
rozprasza cię praca z domu? wynajmij biuro

[Jennlou2 · Rating 1 out of 5]

Condescending to the reader and people with adhd generally. Reads like a 50’s women’s magazine with outdated and misogynistic advice for running a household with a husband and children who require constant coddling. There should be a warning that this book does NOT apply to women not in traditional suburban heteronormative settings.

The tips are shockingly ridiculous, with many costing money. Frequent website plugging is also incredibly obnoxious.

For anyone who has survived to adulthood and living independently, most of the suggested techniques will already likely be redundant as they are the most basic life skills like paying bills. I may not pay my bill the first month but I have figured out life enough that I don’t let them languish until I have lost service anymore. A reasonable level of organization for me.

Again, so so so condescending and sexist. Also mostly focuses on classical models of adhd rather than the newer understandings likely relevant to women that are reading books like this who have figured out the cause of their challenges later in life. These are generally highly intelligent women who have managed to figure out a way to deal with the daily basics on some level already.

[Kirsty ❤️ · Rating 4 out of 5]

Synopsis: Do you rule the realm of disorganization, clutter, and chaos? Are you constantly battling to get things done? Are you ready to give up and toss your day planner into the dungeon (otherwise known as your closet)? If so, you might just be The Queen of Distraction. And whether or not you’ve been formally diagnosed with attention deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), you probably already know that something’s got to give. .

Me: Once upon a time someone suggested I may have ADHD. Discussions with my doctor resulted in me still not knowing as I decided against tests. What I do know is I have depression, anxiety and am often chaotic. One of the things I enjoyed most about this book was that while it is aimed at women with ADHD the support, advice and many tips are useful for any woman with a stressful life or mental health problem. In fact in this age where we are expected to have everything, do everything and be a superwoman all whilst looking like a supermodel on the catwalk it's great to read a book that says it doesn't matter if you don't get everything done, if one day you decide to say 'sod it' and just feed the kids fish finger sandwiches for tea instead of some culinary masterpiece.
I've done some reading up in ADHD in general and where this book differs is by being solely about women - why in some cases they have hypersensitivity to fabrics, why not every woman is addicted to going to the mall and how to get by at work.
Not a reflection about Matlen's book but I found it sad that in some cases she recommends non-disclosure and not discussing with employers. Maybe I'm naive in my thinking as I have an excellently understanding set of bosses but it saddens me in this day and age that not every employer is supportive.
Like many self help books written by Americans all the links are for America only so you may have to look up your own disability discrimination legislation to see where you stand in terms of employment support and again for education. There's a slight obsession with plugging her own website although at the end does also supply some further reading and links to follow.
It's an accessible book, not heavy on jargon and quite easy to read. It helps that Matlen herself has ADHD so understands the audience she's writing for. Highly recommended and a must read for any woman with ADHD, stress & anxiety suffers or friends of sufferers.

[L C · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this book almost insulting. It is full of annoyingly pedestrian "thanks, I'm cured!" suggestions for coping (only) with the focus aspects of ADHD. Also, it is written for women with ADHD who have spouses and children and gets quite bogged down in the details of managing those relationships. ADHD is complex and terribly misunderstood, and a book of this length couldn't possibly address the majority of its challenges. Adding marriage and parenthood into the mix only overcomplicates the issue. As a childfree, single woman this book had very little to offer me besides the aforementioned platitudes of "set a timer" and "make a list!"

[Christy · Rating 4 out of 5]

While not all of the author’s advice will work for me (hire a professional organizer, write meal plans on index cards), there were definitely tips I could use. I love the idea of saying “I can” instead of “I have to.” For example, I am doing laundry because I can. I am fortunate enough to have a washing machine to wash my clothes. I also like her recommendation to actually time a task you had been dreading. In reality it rarely takes as long as you think it will, and you can quickly move on to something else.

[Lauren · Rating 2 out of 5]

There were some helpful tips in here, but overall I felt like I may not be the target audience for this book even though I'm afab and have ADHD. There were many topics that weren't applicable to me, like marriage, work, and children. Although it's good that these things are talked about in the context of ADHD, I feel like this book should've been marketed differently to show what the actual target audience is. The audiobook narrator wasn't my favorite either.

[Eva Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well, this explains a lot! ;)

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book has some good, practical advice for women with ADHD. I especially appreciated the sections about the effect of hormones on women with ADHD. Most of the book provides general overviews of topics without going into a lot of detail, however. Much of the advice can be found in greater detail in other books or was sadly outdated. (Meal planning on index cards in 2018? LOL. And instead of figuring out how to manage everything in your family's lives single-handedly, how about requiring your husband/wife/partner and/or older children to pull their weight?) It's a quick read finished in only a few hours, however, so it's worth reading for the bits of worthwhile wisdom.

[Private Account · Rating 1 out of 5]

If you are looking for a book that will help you be more organized and efficient, the classic Getting Things Done is much better than this one - even though it is not for "ADHD" people, whatever that is. Apparently it's people who don't have any common sense, because that is all this book has to offer. I got zero ideas from it. It was like reading a magazine article. This whole book the snarky little voice in my head would say things like, "Go through my closet and get rid of clothes I don't wear?! No way! I never thought of that! I bet no one ever thought of that!"

The Highly Sensitive Person, which Matlen refers to in this book, was also much better than this book.

[Khulood · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a person who has ADHD, I found this book great. Very helpful tips from someone who actually understands what ADHD is.


*I got an ARC of this book through NetGalley in exchange for an honest review.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fascinating

I have had issues my entire life with oversensitivity, brain fog, and disorder. I never considered that my issues might stem from ADHD. It explains so much and helps me see how I can manage my environment so I can be happier.

[That Weaver Lady · Rating 3 out of 5]

The good: I feel like this book is a good starting off point for learning about ADHD. It reads easy, there's a lot of helpful information in succinct and well organized sections, and the sources from which she pulls seem as though they would be good for further research. I did learn a lot from reading this book. If I were to base my review on just the helpfulness, it would be a 4.5 star book.

The bad: Most of my complaints about this book have to do with who the author perceives her audience is.

She writes exclusively to wealthy, married-with-children, cis women in heterosexual relationships. There is no attempt to engage women outside of her sphere by using non-specific pronouns or words like "spouse" or "partner". Given that this was written in 2014, it's surprising that language is so gendered. Additionally, she writes almost exclusively about what it feels to be a woman working and managing a family at the same time. There's no allowance for the idea that a single woman with ADHD might be experiencing her own difficulties. It just feels really immature and unprofessional that there's absolutely no language inclusive of women that might not be in her specific situation.

Additionally, her tips are helpful, but a lot of them are extremely constrained by access to money. Hire a professional organizer. Hire a babysitter even if you are a stay-at-home mom. Her only suggestion is "bartering" in situations where money is an issue, but many of her solutions are the consultancy of professionals or workers that should absolutely be paid for their time.

It just feels like if you were going to write a book about women with ADHD, you would want to maximize your audience engagement by writing to a wide variety of women. Only writing to women that are like you is, once again, immature and feels exclusionary for exclusions sake. I did not expect this from a book about managing disability. Disappointing.

Also - she was constantly shilling her own ADHD consultancy business to the extent that at times it felt like I was reading the information packet for an MLM. I found that extremely annoying.

[Shannon Gallagher · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was incredibly patronizing and terribly misogynistic. I stopped part way through the first or second chapter just to see when it was written and was shocked to see it was only 10 years old. The stereotypes of women were ridiculous. The ideas for supporting organization sounded like they’d all been googled. Being newly diagnosed I was hoping for a thoughtful exploration of ways to navigate ADHD in society and in my life, this was not that. This was a DNF for me so maybe it gets better but with the tone of the book I will never know.

[Victoria Keyser · Rating 3 out of 5]

Found a few good tips here and there within these pages. Most of this though I've already figured out along the way, on my own, just by winging it. This might be good for a complete beginner or someone looking to better understand the mind of a scatterbrained mom with ADHD.

[Bonnie Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super, actionable tips and also healing for the women out there who have long struggled but never knew why. Fantastic read and extremely helpful!

[Beth Virgil · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great resource for women with ADHD. I’ve read quite a few books on the topic, and this one will be one of my go to’s for motivation and tips down the road.

[Annie Wildemann · Rating 4 out of 5]

Though corny at times, this book gave me so many tips for dealing with my Adhd which I definitely will (heavy emphasis on) try in the future. Plus, it made me cry because the author was so nice and validating! Definitely worth a read if you or someone close to you have been diagnosed with this condition.

[Beth Hill · Rating 1 out of 5]

I recently saw Terry Matlen speak, absolutely loved it and learnt a lot so this book seemed like a good bet. Unfortunately, this book is essentially a good housekeeping guide/parenting guide for children with ADHD. I found it old fashioned and patronising with a lot of the suggestions repeated multiple times.

Overall I was disappointed and hope the author writes a book about/for women with ADHD based on the work she’s doing now.

[Ania ❤ · Rating 3 out of 5]

Troche przestarzaly poradnik jak okielznac ADHD, pelen praktycznych tipow (przydatnych nawet dla osob bez diagnozy).

Minus za narzucajacy patrialchalny podzial rol spolecznych i obowiazkow.

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