What do you think?
Rate this book
Single On Purpose: Redefine Everything. Find Yourself First.
The author of I Used to Be a Miserable F*ck, The Angry Therapist, now teaches you how to prioritize your relationship with yourself and live a more meaningful life, whether you’re alone, dating, or with a partner.
There’s more to life than loving someone. But being single can feel like a death sentence. Why does being alone = being lonely? And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship? After a painful divorce, “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself, going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled. Kim has gone on to help thousands of clients find their own unique way to break free of expectations and finally live their truth. With Single on Purpose , Kim takes his signature no-BS “self-help in a shot glass” approach as he shares his own singlehood story and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self. Spending time to cultivate your relationship with yourself shouldn’t be something you only do when you hit rock bottom, go through a major loss, or have a quarter-life crisis. All of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose.
There’s more to life than loving someone. But being single can feel like a death sentence. Why does being alone = being lonely? And why do we stop working on ourselves when we’re in a relationship? After a painful divorce, “The Angry Therapist” John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He went on a journey to rebuild his relationship with himself, going from alone and disconnected to alone and fulfilled. Kim has gone on to help thousands of clients find their own unique way to break free of expectations and finally live their truth. With Single on Purpose , Kim takes his signature no-BS “self-help in a shot glass” approach as he shares his own singlehood story and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self. Spending time to cultivate your relationship with yourself shouldn’t be something you only do when you hit rock bottom, go through a major loss, or have a quarter-life crisis. All of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose.
256 pages, Paperback
First published January 12, 2021
2209 people are currently reading
9721 people want to read
About the author
John Kim
113 books224 followersJohn Kim LMFT (The Angry Therapist) pioneered the online life coaching movement seven years ago, after going through a divorce which led to his total re-birth. He quickly built a devoted following of fans who loved the frank and authentic insights that he freely shared on social media. He pulled the curtain back and showed himself by practicing transparency and sharing his story something therapists are taught not to do. Kim became known as an unconventional therapist who worked out of the box by seeing clients at coffee shops, on hikes, in a CrossFit box. He built a coaching team of his own and launched a sister company called JRNI, creating a new way to help people help people and change the way we change. He lives in Los Angeles.
Ratings & Reviews
Friends & Following
Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!
Community Reviews
Displaying 1 - 30 of 776 reviews
February 1, 2021
I started this book thinking that it was a celebration of being single and that it would talk about societal pressures to be in a relationship. I thought (and hoped) it would explore the joys of being on your own and how you can be a complete and happy person without being tied to someone else. I was wrong.
While the author does say that being on your own is valuable and meaningful his overall message is that this is only a step toward the ultimate happiness of being in a relationship. And he harps a lot on exercise and weight loss. As someone who has little intention of dating and who is super happy on their own this book felt insulting. Where's the book about being a kick-ass single that doesn't fret about their weight or wearing makeup or having sex?
I'm the wrong audience for this book but I'm also super bummed that it wasn't what I thought it would be because that's the book I could really use.
While the author does say that being on your own is valuable and meaningful his overall message is that this is only a step toward the ultimate happiness of being in a relationship. And he harps a lot on exercise and weight loss. As someone who has little intention of dating and who is super happy on their own this book felt insulting. Where's the book about being a kick-ass single that doesn't fret about their weight or wearing makeup or having sex?
I'm the wrong audience for this book but I'm also super bummed that it wasn't what I thought it would be because that's the book I could really use.
January 23, 2021
I think there are nuggets in here like don't tie your self worth to being in a relationship. But pretty much after that it reads like fix these things to be in a relationship albeit more healthy relationship. Having sex, go explore every crayon What. A book that doesn't focus on friendships, building community, or concrete ways to be comfortably being single seems like a missed opportunity. Essentially section 2-4 was all about f**king. I get it, I think sex is super important but this book was nothing more than a very weird reflection of bad relationships, bad sex, toxicity, do drugs, and exercise. I wonder if I'm the wrong demographic bc cross fit was lost on me and brought up a lot. With that being said words like grieving, trauma, and self worth were used but I would not recommend most of the advice. This book is not about being single. This book is about what to do while you're single to get in a relationship. It's not the same. Singlesness is a valuable time period and relationships can be healthy but not a priority. Also can we talk about how asexuality completely missed. I hate it.
Thank you to Harper Collins for sending me a credit to listen to this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
Thank you to Harper Collins for sending me a credit to listen to this audiobook in exchange for an honest review.
February 23, 2023
Had some good advise but felt like I wasn't the target audience anymore for this type of self help books with made me happy.
August 3, 2021
I really enjoyed this one! Self help books can be tricky; I feel like they are hard to resonate with a lot of readers. Either people love them or they don’t with little in between. This one spoke to me and came into my life at the right time and I definitely recommend it.
October 16, 2023
you can definitely tell this was written by a man as his coping mechanisms for getting over a break up was going to crossfit and doing shrooms but there were a few good pieces of advice at the end
December 23, 2021
I have a hard time believing that this guy is a licensed therapist, cause some of his tips were just so wrong that I can't even compute how this book made it to print. I was scrolling through my Kindle library trying to find something to read that would make me feel better, and I spotted this one that I'd bought on a sale randomly a few months ago and forgot about. I am recently single, though not on purpose. However, I wondered if this guy could maybe help me make the best of my current unfortunate situation. He did not. There were a few nuggets of interesting insights sprinkled in, but not enough to make up for the huge overarching problem here. Multiple times he says to do something that sounded like a bad idea to me, and then in the next chapter, he would say how he took his own advice and then it didn't work. Like, if it didn't work, why are you endorsing it? He had a chapter on how it's a good idea when you're single to just go out and have meaningless sex, try a one-night stand, just for the sexual experience, no feelings attached. I told my friend who is a neuroscience major about this and he was like "I can give you several psychological reasons why that is a bad idea." Kim also endorses the use of pornography and I almost stopped reading the book entirely at that point cause I was just so appalled. I should've stopped, but I have OCD, and I have to finish things. I came out of this book feeling worse and even more confused about my current situation. If you are single and trying to find joy in being so, DO. NOT. READ. THIS. BOOK. I cannot stress enough how atrocious I found this and I hope and pray that not many people actually seriously go to him for psychological advice because his logic is so severely flawed. Garbage. 1/5 stars.
January 28, 2021
I found this book very helpful and insightful. It definitely clicked for me. There are a few things I had already started to do that Kim recommends, and it was nice to hear the insight behind them and to know I was on the right path. I found the advice practical and easily relatable, and I liked that it had exercises to get the reader thinking. I liked that Kim was not only speaking as a therapist, but as someone who had been through the struggles and was sharing what worked for him. I highly recommend this book for anyone, single or in a relationship. It's really a book about how to connect with yourself to be the best version of yourself.
February 5, 2021
I wasn't expecting to enjoy this motivational book as much as I did, but it caught my attention as I was processing books at the library, and it turned out to be a great read for me at this juncture of my life. The author's voice and tone was great throughout the book, with just the right amount of humor mixed with serious insight into developing a relationship with yourself - whether you're already in a relationship with another person, newly single, or have been single for awhile. As the author claims, it's not an anti-relationship book, but rather a pro-relationship (with yourself) book.
The author uses many examples in his own life to make points about connecting back to yourself after losing yourself due to a number of reasons, letting go of "relationship residue," and having clarity on what closure should really be. The author also gives great bits of advice on becoming a better individual first so you don't bring your previous baggage into the next relationship. Redesigning the blueprints for what you expect and want out of a healthy relationship. A good example that really stuck with me is forming non-negotiables you have before entering a new relationship, which will be different for everyone. These are affirmations you make to yourself such as: I will not be with somebody who does not take care of their body, mind and soul. I loved how the author explained this and it resonated a lot with me.
Overall, this can be a great book for anybody who has felt like a shell of themselves and wants insight into connecting back to who they are and what they want, no matter where they are in life. 4.25 stars.
The author uses many examples in his own life to make points about connecting back to yourself after losing yourself due to a number of reasons, letting go of "relationship residue," and having clarity on what closure should really be. The author also gives great bits of advice on becoming a better individual first so you don't bring your previous baggage into the next relationship. Redesigning the blueprints for what you expect and want out of a healthy relationship. A good example that really stuck with me is forming non-negotiables you have before entering a new relationship, which will be different for everyone. These are affirmations you make to yourself such as: I will not be with somebody who does not take care of their body, mind and soul. I loved how the author explained this and it resonated a lot with me.
Overall, this can be a great book for anybody who has felt like a shell of themselves and wants insight into connecting back to who they are and what they want, no matter where they are in life. 4.25 stars.
February 23, 2024
I desperately needed this in this healing era.
Here’s what I pulled & it might not make sense. I just scribbled notes as it went:
Not anti relationship. Pro relationship with yourself.
Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove to yourself and others you can stand.
We swipe fast to prove to yourself you’re desirable.
When inner change happens, it ripples outward.
Lonely is an identity you attach worth to. loneliness doesn’t cripple you. It’s hopelessness.
Run towards yourself and share your current joys. If you have a life that can stand on its own, you won’t be afraid of being alone.
Where am I going? Not who am I going with?
If you distance from yourself, you’ll crave connection with someone else.
Fixing things give you sense of satisfaction. You’ll only ever be 50% of a relationship and you can’t fix someone else. Half is not enough.
Call is coming from inside the house!!
Feed your soul, but find it first.
Self care can be a conduit to self love! start small with a first date with yourself. Take a walk, to the gym. It’s like fucking vs making love - one connects you, the other drains you.
Self care is blowing out the candle when it is burning at both ends. It’s connecting with yourself.
How you talk to yourself results in how you treat yourself.
Your body is not a temple. It’s moldable, breakable, adjustable, and able to be shaped. It is not delicate.
-a healthy relationship with your body gives you permission to be yourself. Treating your body healthily is a byproduct of a healthy relationship with your body. No more slipping down into a well of shame when you don’t think you measure up.
-be in your body. Most people view themselves from outside.
When your body is your enemy, you are constantly in fight or flight.
-listen to your body. It can’t just be your body listening to you. Your body also has answers. You can’t know yourself if you don’t listen. move with your body, don’t just move it.
COMFORT CAN FEEL EMPTY
Where did I learn my thinking? Put your thoughts on trial.
-I sabotage opportunities bc I don’t think I deserve them.
-fix everything to prove worth
-I have to know everything
Believe your new behavior will work. Otherwise you won’t do it.
Feed your mind well. Whatever you feed will grow. Feed your soul.
Feeding your soul isn’t always feeling good. It’s growing. It’s not about the activity itself. Giving yourself what you need. Blogging, reading, dancing.
Dance for you and others will dance with you. Dance for others and you’ll become a show, not a person.
Gaining confidence is not a solitary journey.
Friends are not a privilege or luxury to invest in when you have extra time.
We outgrow people all the time. Sometimes I’m stupid and try to wear things too small for me.
Set the intention. Find the community. Say yes to everything.
You don’t have to announce friendship breakups.
Self betterment discriminates by intention, not age. I don’t want to be a car crash. Car wash era.
If I can’t move people by the masses, I can do it one at a time.
You can’t heal by ripping it out and ignoring it. You can’t bury it, reject it, pretend it didn’t happen. This makes you destructive.
Accept it first. It doesn’t mean you want to get back together.
Acceptance can mean a lot of different things. It will be humbling. Just start. You’re moving through, not on.
With every journey, there’s a transformation. That’s a good thing. Pull both feet out of the shit and plant them in the present.
Loss and missing someone doesn’t make you weak.
An unhealthy relationship is still real. You still have laughter and memories to grieve.
Real love holds up a mirror.
Any end of relationship without warning is an act of violence. They don’t see it coming. They purposely sabotage and poke holes and that makes them an asshole.
You have to work even more on yourself when dating.
When a relationship expires, it is expired. Do not play back the highlight reels. It is so hard not to wonder what if. Play back the whole documentary. Believe the expiration date came.
Cut the cord. Don’t hold 2 hostages. space is what heals. Make boundaries crystal clear. Don’t live in what happened.
If you can’t respect your ex, respect the expiration date. The relationship was a living breathing thing and it has died. Lay it to rest.
Take ownership. Move through not on.
What are my non negotiables?
Therapy is chilling in my shit as fertilizer for growth.
CLOSURE DOESNT REQUIRE THE OTHER PERSON. It’s a process and journey. It will come and go until they go more than they come with less intensity. If you don’t let your feelings change, you’ll carry the residue and it’ll harden you. You can’t paint something new on a stained canvas.
Closure is letting go of their half of the journey.
It’s not a door, it’s a bridge to a better place.
Closure doesn’t require someone - why do you need them? It’s usually a need for yourself. Can you give the need to yourself instead? They can’t give it to you.
What’s your new definition of love? If it’s not new, you’ll keep finding the same old love.
Don’t just do things you should.
Nothing wrong doesn’t mean nothing is wrong. you need to engage in your life. Don’t just watch your life. Nothing is bright on the sidelines. Engage even when it’s shitty. you don’t have to drown, but be present. Drawing boundaries counts.
Do not be a hostage to your thoughts. It’s not necessarily the past that traps you, it’s the judgment and what ifs.
Play a different movie in your mind.
Live inside out. Not outside in.
Attract. Don’t just chase. One is empowering/power filled. One is powerless.
My life will not be cheap art I refuse to hang because I’m embarrassed and ashamed. You have to believe you’re worth something so you stop denying yourself new experiences and growth.
When you believe you’re worth something, the universe moves. Generate energy that punctures space and punch stars.
Don’t white knuckle your way to worth. It’s a process. Worth is a space you build for yourself.
A new experience is convincing. This leads to new definitions. This rewires you. What experiences do you need to give yourself?
Stay at high frequency. Lower frequencies take hostages.
Internalized anger at yourself destroys self worth. there was a time when you believed in love, big skies, new days, when you’d die for your teenage love.
Starting over means NEW. Not over.
Resist nothing. Fuck your identity. Eat well, not more. Sometimes you run to stay still.
Mix tape for yourself?
Dysfunction can be part of your wiring.
Here’s what I pulled & it might not make sense. I just scribbled notes as it went:
Not anti relationship. Pro relationship with yourself.
Sometimes you have to stand alone to prove to yourself and others you can stand.
We swipe fast to prove to yourself you’re desirable.
When inner change happens, it ripples outward.
Lonely is an identity you attach worth to. loneliness doesn’t cripple you. It’s hopelessness.
Run towards yourself and share your current joys. If you have a life that can stand on its own, you won’t be afraid of being alone.
Where am I going? Not who am I going with?
If you distance from yourself, you’ll crave connection with someone else.
Fixing things give you sense of satisfaction. You’ll only ever be 50% of a relationship and you can’t fix someone else. Half is not enough.
Call is coming from inside the house!!
Feed your soul, but find it first.
Self care can be a conduit to self love! start small with a first date with yourself. Take a walk, to the gym. It’s like fucking vs making love - one connects you, the other drains you.
Self care is blowing out the candle when it is burning at both ends. It’s connecting with yourself.
How you talk to yourself results in how you treat yourself.
Your body is not a temple. It’s moldable, breakable, adjustable, and able to be shaped. It is not delicate.
-a healthy relationship with your body gives you permission to be yourself. Treating your body healthily is a byproduct of a healthy relationship with your body. No more slipping down into a well of shame when you don’t think you measure up.
-be in your body. Most people view themselves from outside.
When your body is your enemy, you are constantly in fight or flight.
-listen to your body. It can’t just be your body listening to you. Your body also has answers. You can’t know yourself if you don’t listen. move with your body, don’t just move it.
COMFORT CAN FEEL EMPTY
Where did I learn my thinking? Put your thoughts on trial.
-I sabotage opportunities bc I don’t think I deserve them.
-fix everything to prove worth
-I have to know everything
Believe your new behavior will work. Otherwise you won’t do it.
Feed your mind well. Whatever you feed will grow. Feed your soul.
Feeding your soul isn’t always feeling good. It’s growing. It’s not about the activity itself. Giving yourself what you need. Blogging, reading, dancing.
Dance for you and others will dance with you. Dance for others and you’ll become a show, not a person.
Gaining confidence is not a solitary journey.
Friends are not a privilege or luxury to invest in when you have extra time.
We outgrow people all the time. Sometimes I’m stupid and try to wear things too small for me.
Set the intention. Find the community. Say yes to everything.
You don’t have to announce friendship breakups.
Self betterment discriminates by intention, not age. I don’t want to be a car crash. Car wash era.
If I can’t move people by the masses, I can do it one at a time.
You can’t heal by ripping it out and ignoring it. You can’t bury it, reject it, pretend it didn’t happen. This makes you destructive.
Accept it first. It doesn’t mean you want to get back together.
Acceptance can mean a lot of different things. It will be humbling. Just start. You’re moving through, not on.
With every journey, there’s a transformation. That’s a good thing. Pull both feet out of the shit and plant them in the present.
Loss and missing someone doesn’t make you weak.
An unhealthy relationship is still real. You still have laughter and memories to grieve.
Real love holds up a mirror.
Any end of relationship without warning is an act of violence. They don’t see it coming. They purposely sabotage and poke holes and that makes them an asshole.
You have to work even more on yourself when dating.
When a relationship expires, it is expired. Do not play back the highlight reels. It is so hard not to wonder what if. Play back the whole documentary. Believe the expiration date came.
Cut the cord. Don’t hold 2 hostages. space is what heals. Make boundaries crystal clear. Don’t live in what happened.
If you can’t respect your ex, respect the expiration date. The relationship was a living breathing thing and it has died. Lay it to rest.
Take ownership. Move through not on.
What are my non negotiables?
Therapy is chilling in my shit as fertilizer for growth.
CLOSURE DOESNT REQUIRE THE OTHER PERSON. It’s a process and journey. It will come and go until they go more than they come with less intensity. If you don’t let your feelings change, you’ll carry the residue and it’ll harden you. You can’t paint something new on a stained canvas.
Closure is letting go of their half of the journey.
It’s not a door, it’s a bridge to a better place.
Closure doesn’t require someone - why do you need them? It’s usually a need for yourself. Can you give the need to yourself instead? They can’t give it to you.
What’s your new definition of love? If it’s not new, you’ll keep finding the same old love.
Don’t just do things you should.
Nothing wrong doesn’t mean nothing is wrong. you need to engage in your life. Don’t just watch your life. Nothing is bright on the sidelines. Engage even when it’s shitty. you don’t have to drown, but be present. Drawing boundaries counts.
Do not be a hostage to your thoughts. It’s not necessarily the past that traps you, it’s the judgment and what ifs.
Play a different movie in your mind.
Live inside out. Not outside in.
Attract. Don’t just chase. One is empowering/power filled. One is powerless.
My life will not be cheap art I refuse to hang because I’m embarrassed and ashamed. You have to believe you’re worth something so you stop denying yourself new experiences and growth.
When you believe you’re worth something, the universe moves. Generate energy that punctures space and punch stars.
Don’t white knuckle your way to worth. It’s a process. Worth is a space you build for yourself.
A new experience is convincing. This leads to new definitions. This rewires you. What experiences do you need to give yourself?
Stay at high frequency. Lower frequencies take hostages.
Internalized anger at yourself destroys self worth. there was a time when you believed in love, big skies, new days, when you’d die for your teenage love.
Starting over means NEW. Not over.
Resist nothing. Fuck your identity. Eat well, not more. Sometimes you run to stay still.
Mix tape for yourself?
Dysfunction can be part of your wiring.
February 25, 2022
25th book of 2021 (194 Books read overall)
Quote from the Book I Liked - 'Because looking into someone's eyes for longer than 3 seconds reminds you that we're not meant to do life alone.' (Loc. 231)
Rating - 3.5 Stars
*Important take from the book* - 'Self-care could mean telling yourself you matter. Acknowledging how far you've come and who you are today because of it. Not bashing yourself, every time you "fuck-up". Practising self-compassion and forgiveness, which, by the way, is a daily choice. Being easier on yourself. Giving yourself space to be human.
Some days are going to be easy and some impossible. That's where self-compassion comes in.' (Loc. 572)
Plot Summary - No one really wants to “date themselves.” But all of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose. After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled.
For John, it took doughnuts, barbells, and a motorcycle. For the thousands of clients, he’s helped as the Angry Therapist, it was yoga, or salsa dancing, or finally speaking their truth. In Single. On Purpose., John takes his signature “self-help in a shot glass” approach and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.
Single on Purpose is for people who have never been involved, people who have jumped from partner to partner, and those who have lost themselves in their current relationship—anyone who needs to learn that there’s more to life than who we choose to love.
My Review - This book came in right when It was needed most in my life. Not because of any relationship issues but because I felt a loss of connection with myself. Let me tell you at the utmost that this book is not about singlehood or specifically for people not in a relationship with another human. This book is about bonding with oneself. No matter the reader is single or in a relationship or anything. The book talks about how important it is for oneself to have a real connection with themselves before having anything with someone else. No matter the status of the relationship, one must know, understand and prioritize their own relationship with their inner self than any other. That's how one can rejoice in every other bond. And that's what made me attracted to this book. I too agree with the thing about our relationship with self-being the most prioritised relation than any other in our life. A few chapters did feel bonkers and the reader is the one to either adapt or trash them. The quotes, the life experiences of the author and his patients is what gave this book a real-life catalogue of stories that can be related here and their by us. This thing made the book much more unique and relatable by me and probably to you too if you choose to read so. May it be a hard break up or lonely singlehood or happily ever after a relationship or joyfully singlehood, I recommend this book to all those feeling a bit lost and trying to find themselves in the hush and bush of everything.
Conclusion - An important book to help build a healthy relationship with yourself.
Full Review on Blog.
Link to Blog - The Tales of Fugitive Biker
Quote from the Book I Liked - 'Because looking into someone's eyes for longer than 3 seconds reminds you that we're not meant to do life alone.' (Loc. 231)
Rating - 3.5 Stars
*Important take from the book* - 'Self-care could mean telling yourself you matter. Acknowledging how far you've come and who you are today because of it. Not bashing yourself, every time you "fuck-up". Practising self-compassion and forgiveness, which, by the way, is a daily choice. Being easier on yourself. Giving yourself space to be human.
Some days are going to be easy and some impossible. That's where self-compassion comes in.' (Loc. 572)
Plot Summary - No one really wants to “date themselves.” But all of us, at some point, need to be single—on purpose. After a series of failed relationships and a painful divorce, John Kim realized he had never truly been on his own. He knew that to move forward, he had to build a relationship with himself, to embark on a journey from alone and lonely to alone and fulfilled.
For John, it took doughnuts, barbells, and a motorcycle. For the thousands of clients, he’s helped as the Angry Therapist, it was yoga, or salsa dancing, or finally speaking their truth. In Single. On Purpose., John takes his signature “self-help in a shot glass” approach and shows readers how to own their shit, break their patterns, and find a grounded sense of self.
Single on Purpose is for people who have never been involved, people who have jumped from partner to partner, and those who have lost themselves in their current relationship—anyone who needs to learn that there’s more to life than who we choose to love.
My Review - This book came in right when It was needed most in my life. Not because of any relationship issues but because I felt a loss of connection with myself. Let me tell you at the utmost that this book is not about singlehood or specifically for people not in a relationship with another human. This book is about bonding with oneself. No matter the reader is single or in a relationship or anything. The book talks about how important it is for oneself to have a real connection with themselves before having anything with someone else. No matter the status of the relationship, one must know, understand and prioritize their own relationship with their inner self than any other. That's how one can rejoice in every other bond. And that's what made me attracted to this book. I too agree with the thing about our relationship with self-being the most prioritised relation than any other in our life. A few chapters did feel bonkers and the reader is the one to either adapt or trash them. The quotes, the life experiences of the author and his patients is what gave this book a real-life catalogue of stories that can be related here and their by us. This thing made the book much more unique and relatable by me and probably to you too if you choose to read so. May it be a hard break up or lonely singlehood or happily ever after a relationship or joyfully singlehood, I recommend this book to all those feeling a bit lost and trying to find themselves in the hush and bush of everything.
Conclusion - An important book to help build a healthy relationship with yourself.
Full Review on Blog.
Link to Blog - The Tales of Fugitive Biker
April 6, 2021
This book is a mixed bag. Some of the advice is excellent; some markedly less so. A lot of it is common sense (e.g. “Love and relationships are only one part of your life, not your entire life”), but it bears repeating for anyone prone to pity parties. Accepting the reality that you may never find The One is heart-wrenching, but important as it allows you to move forward with your life rather than constantly waiting and wishing. There’s a lot of things in this category that he reiterates and his bluntness is both painful and weirdly soothing.
On the other hand, he and I have very different philosophies on relationships in general, a fact best illustrated by a chapter entitled “Now Go F*ck Somebody.” I understand his point that hookups can help you get out of your head, but at what cost? If his own life stories are any example, this lifestyle leads a trail of bodies and broken hearts (albeit with some lessons along the way).
Initially, I liked Kim’s self-described “no-B.S. self-help in a shot glass” approach, but it wore a bit thin halfway through the book, as I don’t think swearing = authenticity in every case. That said, I’ll take the good bits (e.g. self-care isn’t always cake for breakfast and bubble baths) and discard the rest. Overall, not a total waste of time, but I can’t recommend the book either.
On the other hand, he and I have very different philosophies on relationships in general, a fact best illustrated by a chapter entitled “Now Go F*ck Somebody.” I understand his point that hookups can help you get out of your head, but at what cost? If his own life stories are any example, this lifestyle leads a trail of bodies and broken hearts (albeit with some lessons along the way).
Initially, I liked Kim’s self-described “no-B.S. self-help in a shot glass” approach, but it wore a bit thin halfway through the book, as I don’t think swearing = authenticity in every case. That said, I’ll take the good bits (e.g. self-care isn’t always cake for breakfast and bubble baths) and discard the rest. Overall, not a total waste of time, but I can’t recommend the book either.
February 14, 2024
The author sounds like he needs therapy himself, or at the very least, still carries a chip on his shoulder the size of the Hollywood sign in his beloved LA, despite his repeated claim to the contrary. He started his career by emotionally purging on a blog, and this book clearly represents the continuation of said purging. Too much bro slang is used, and while I understand this to be an attempt to connect with hoi polloi, others have done better, and arguably wittier; an example being one-time Askmen guru Doc Love. Adding to this non-exhaustive list of faux pas is his tendency to insert himself into so many anecdotes, recommendations and scenarios, making this a rather gauche, thinly veiled memoir of sorts. As a therapist, shouldn’t there be a bit of distance and objectivity? Yes, I know Victor Frankl uses that memoir-self help schtick too, but at least his story is INTERESTING!
February 21, 2021
Not just for single people. It’s a memoir-self help book. I’d recommend it for someone who hasn’t been to therapy because a lot of the stuff he covers can feel redundant if you have. The memoir aspect was honest and interesting, but as a self help book I’ve read better. Also, some of the way the book is organized seems messy.
November 22, 2023
I was very hopeful for this book but I can now say I would not recommend it…. Especially if you are down about being single or not in the best place in life I can see this book making you feel worse than better. I think if you’re wanting a self-help/growth/becoming ok with your journey book there are SO many other great options out there that I would pick and recommend.
Honestly to me this felt like a diary entry where he just needed to vent about situations in his life - not something that should have been turned into a book. It was very chaotic bouncing from one thing to another and never really coming to a conclusion, advice or any solid actionable steps. It seemed like he went to therapy at a low point in his life and that his therapist really changed his life so he wanted to do the same for others but I think he missed the mark.
First off the writing style felt very accusatory he didn’t write in a “we, us” or even an open ended way for people to relate to what they do and not to what they don’t - instead he used a lot of “you’ve” telling you who you are and what you’ve experienced rather than discussing a situation and saying *if* you’ve experienced this you *could* feel this way and this is what I’d do about it. It felt very one track minded - if you’re single you had to have felt this way and you should feel that way because he’s felt this way.
Aside from telling you how you should feel the entire book, the tone at many times felt like he was talking down to you. For example this sentence from the book, “You can’t tell your friend how your day was everyday or you won’t have any….” I can’t tell you how aggravated SO many of his blanked statements like this made me but this statement truly is so crazy to me and from a book called single on purpose, where I would assume most of the consumers are indeed single - all we have is friends and family so who are we suppose to talk to?? AND on top of that telling people leaning on your friends is going to make you lose them, what?.. that is terrible advice and if this is something he truly believes I hate to tell him but he just might not have that good friends. And if that statement didn’t annoy you enough he also writes “Most of us don’t have hobbies or passions, we just work and spend time in our relationship” …. The one time he uses non accusatory language and THIS is what he says? As someone who has a long list of hobbies and things I’m excited and passionate about, the lack of explanation after saying such a bold statement was irritating because he had no reason for saying this other than to talk down to people and make them feel bad? I also find it very diminishing of him to basically give no credit to relationships, what’s wrong with enjoying the people in your life and spending time with them - connection and quality time deserve more credit and aren’t something to be looked down on. At this point I was pretty sure I’d see the book through but that I wouldn’t be taking life advice from this guy.
He also mentions often “I’ve helped so many clients, stop being lonely and blah blah blah” which is great but maybe instead of telling me how great you were - teach us how you helped them, don’t just tell us you did. And for being a book about singleness he sure gave a lot of relationship advice and how to be ready for a relationship, which I found odd.
Lastly if you want to hear about sex, CrossFit and motorcycles over and over and over look no further…. The man tries to tie or mention sex any chance he gets. It’s very strange in my opinion that once again he doesn’t bring it up to lead to a better conversation he just wants you to know about his sex life. CrossFit is also mentioned an excessive amount, which as someone who does CrossFit and loves CrossFit I even got annoyed at how much he had to word vomit it any chance he got. I love exercise and am very invested in it myself but the amount he focused on it made this book feel more like a “how to develop an exercise regimen” than about “single on purpose.” And motorcycles he mentions often and at this point I don’t know why other than to tell us he enjoyed them? But it felt redundant the amount they were brought up with no point.
At first I thought I was being too hard on the book but after reading several comments (after I finished the book) that all reiterated the same feeling - I felt I should write a review in hopes of saving someone else their time before starting the book.
Honestly to me this felt like a diary entry where he just needed to vent about situations in his life - not something that should have been turned into a book. It was very chaotic bouncing from one thing to another and never really coming to a conclusion, advice or any solid actionable steps. It seemed like he went to therapy at a low point in his life and that his therapist really changed his life so he wanted to do the same for others but I think he missed the mark.
First off the writing style felt very accusatory he didn’t write in a “we, us” or even an open ended way for people to relate to what they do and not to what they don’t - instead he used a lot of “you’ve” telling you who you are and what you’ve experienced rather than discussing a situation and saying *if* you’ve experienced this you *could* feel this way and this is what I’d do about it. It felt very one track minded - if you’re single you had to have felt this way and you should feel that way because he’s felt this way.
Aside from telling you how you should feel the entire book, the tone at many times felt like he was talking down to you. For example this sentence from the book, “You can’t tell your friend how your day was everyday or you won’t have any….” I can’t tell you how aggravated SO many of his blanked statements like this made me but this statement truly is so crazy to me and from a book called single on purpose, where I would assume most of the consumers are indeed single - all we have is friends and family so who are we suppose to talk to?? AND on top of that telling people leaning on your friends is going to make you lose them, what?.. that is terrible advice and if this is something he truly believes I hate to tell him but he just might not have that good friends. And if that statement didn’t annoy you enough he also writes “Most of us don’t have hobbies or passions, we just work and spend time in our relationship” …. The one time he uses non accusatory language and THIS is what he says? As someone who has a long list of hobbies and things I’m excited and passionate about, the lack of explanation after saying such a bold statement was irritating because he had no reason for saying this other than to talk down to people and make them feel bad? I also find it very diminishing of him to basically give no credit to relationships, what’s wrong with enjoying the people in your life and spending time with them - connection and quality time deserve more credit and aren’t something to be looked down on. At this point I was pretty sure I’d see the book through but that I wouldn’t be taking life advice from this guy.
He also mentions often “I’ve helped so many clients, stop being lonely and blah blah blah” which is great but maybe instead of telling me how great you were - teach us how you helped them, don’t just tell us you did. And for being a book about singleness he sure gave a lot of relationship advice and how to be ready for a relationship, which I found odd.
Lastly if you want to hear about sex, CrossFit and motorcycles over and over and over look no further…. The man tries to tie or mention sex any chance he gets. It’s very strange in my opinion that once again he doesn’t bring it up to lead to a better conversation he just wants you to know about his sex life. CrossFit is also mentioned an excessive amount, which as someone who does CrossFit and loves CrossFit I even got annoyed at how much he had to word vomit it any chance he got. I love exercise and am very invested in it myself but the amount he focused on it made this book feel more like a “how to develop an exercise regimen” than about “single on purpose.” And motorcycles he mentions often and at this point I don’t know why other than to tell us he enjoyed them? But it felt redundant the amount they were brought up with no point.
At first I thought I was being too hard on the book but after reading several comments (after I finished the book) that all reiterated the same feeling - I felt I should write a review in hopes of saving someone else their time before starting the book.
January 23, 2025
I was immediately intrigued by the idea of a book on singlehood and relationships written from a male perspective—a viewpoint we don’t often see in this genre compared to the female perspective. I appreciated the author’s direct, no-nonsense approach in emphasizing that being single is not a curse but an opportunity for growth.
Early on, the author states, “The soil for growth is when you’re single,” a powerful quote that stuck with me throughout the book. He highlights the importance of using our alone time to rediscover ourselves, understand our worth, and gain clarity on what we truly want in a partner. Rather than choosing a relationship out of familiarity or loneliness, he encourages readers to build a strong foundation within themselves first.
As someone who has been single by choice for the past 12 years, I resonated deeply with much of the advice. The author also shares thought-provoking insights, such as “Closure is not a door. It is a bridge” and “What’s not okay is losing ourselves because we don’t have someone to love or losing ourselves in the person we’ve chosen to love.” These and many other relatable gems make this book a valuable read for both single individuals and those in relationships.
The book focuses heavily on self-work—both for thriving in singlehood and fostering healthier relationships when the time comes. The author narrates the audiobook himself, bringing the words to life through personal stories that enhance his message. His delivery adds an engaging and authentic touch, making the reading experience even more impactful.
Overall, this book is a must-read for anyone looking to embrace their single journey with confidence or cultivate stronger, more intentional relationships in the future.
Early on, the author states, “The soil for growth is when you’re single,” a powerful quote that stuck with me throughout the book. He highlights the importance of using our alone time to rediscover ourselves, understand our worth, and gain clarity on what we truly want in a partner. Rather than choosing a relationship out of familiarity or loneliness, he encourages readers to build a strong foundation within themselves first.
As someone who has been single by choice for the past 12 years, I resonated deeply with much of the advice. The author also shares thought-provoking insights, such as “Closure is not a door. It is a bridge” and “What’s not okay is losing ourselves because we don’t have someone to love or losing ourselves in the person we’ve chosen to love.” These and many other relatable gems make this book a valuable read for both single individuals and those in relationships.
The book focuses heavily on self-work—both for thriving in singlehood and fostering healthier relationships when the time comes. The author narrates the audiobook himself, bringing the words to life through personal stories that enhance his message. His delivery adds an engaging and authentic touch, making the reading experience even more impactful.
Overall, this book is a must-read for anyone looking to embrace their single journey with confidence or cultivate stronger, more intentional relationships in the future.
February 16, 2021
Never have i ever related to something more. I’ve never, EVER, been able to sit down and read a self-help book before, but this one i did. And i finished it in less than a week at that!
November 28, 2022
Author’s journey is so unlike my own that I found myself (probably inaccurately) judging him unkindly. The premise isn’t bad, but the execution is shallow and haphazard.
June 21, 2024
I don’t really know why I was recommended this book, because I’ve spent a lot of time with self-reflection and study just to be familiar with myself, and I’ve also spent most of my life being single. This was initially due to incompetence, but later on transformed into discretion. I’m pretty certain that many women would find me inscrutable: the only thing I have added into my arsenal is that I’m a lot fitter than many other nerds. But I’ve always loved challenging literature, critically-acclaimed film, and attractive women who are intellectual deserts (note the spelling!) have never been my cup of tea.
My intimation of a partner is someone who is not going to complete me, or like everything that I like. That’s a fantasy. I would like a partner who is my equal but also independent from me. I have my own thing, she has hers, but we’d share a life together, aging gracefully, probably working out together, and then nerding out at other points while living a free life.
In Gabor Mate’s Myth of Normal, he identifies that there are two psychological needs of humans: attachment and authenticity. Many people live highly problematic lives because they are sacrificing this authenticity for the sake of attachment. Years before, I was a lot more pacific with my own opinions and Facebook posts, but I realized it is much better to be truly authentic and be liked for what I am, and what I am is inconsistent with most people here where I live.
This book asks: “how many shows or movies have you seen where the protagonist doesn’t find love and is still happy?” Maybe this author just hasn’t seen the masterpieces I’ve seen, because in Hamaguchi’s Drive My Car or in Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, it was authenticity that saw them joy, even despite a lack of romance.
The thing with a lot of people nowadays is that they whine about having standards without trying their best to fulfill these standards they set for themselves. They’re obese, but they want a fit partner. Ultimately, man is a hypocrite, but it would do us much better to minimize this hypocrisy. I want to avoid this for myself, so I have never stopped exercising: when I got injured, I started strength training. I try to practice the discipline I seek in a partner. But as long as I work on myself and do what I need to improve, I think I will be able to attract a counterpoise in my life.
I’ve largely been insulated from popular pursuits because I have always been peculiar. I would rather have the complete Palmtex Super Micro set (look it up!) than have a PS5. The gist of this book seems to be that to be able to love others, you have to like yourself first. I mean, obviously. That’s why I keep reading because I love being more knowledgeable and having taste (like not voting for BBM for the clout). I like working out because I don’t want to be fat and unhealthy. I eat disciplined and fast because I like fitness. My problem isn’t that I don’t know what I want – it’s that I know what I want, and what I want is quite rare today.
So this book isn’t really that applicable to me, because the author advocates acting stupid (and being stupid at times). Since I’ve been past that phase, and I have read better books on psychology written by Erich Fromm and Rollo May, this seems to be a more diffuse and unfocused rehash. I don’t advocate experimentation and “learning” from it, because that’s the bitterest source of knowledge. I would rather advocate observation, as Confucius does, because it’s difficult but hurts the least. I also think that a thorough self-analysis is better than testing oneself on other people, but this is where one’s mileage varies.
This is probably because I have great parents and a good childhood. I was blessed to have a wonderful family dynamic that celebrated intellectual competence, so I had the privilege of observation. This book works for people with less healthy families and people coping with that, but this book isn’t for me. I don’t experiment for the sake of it: I know drugs are bad for me, tattoos are not my thing, and I don’t have to have them just to know they’re not for me.
“But you’re in your late thirties and unmarried, you don’t have kids, and you drive a Honda. Most likely, you are not happy” – wait, this isn’t true for me. I’m in my late thirties, I don’t want to marry just anyone, and I don’t want kids. This is what I want, and why this book is stupid. There is no theoretical basis for its go-getter claims, and I really have little trust on a therapist who doesn’t look before he leaps.
My intimation of a partner is someone who is not going to complete me, or like everything that I like. That’s a fantasy. I would like a partner who is my equal but also independent from me. I have my own thing, she has hers, but we’d share a life together, aging gracefully, probably working out together, and then nerding out at other points while living a free life.
In Gabor Mate’s Myth of Normal, he identifies that there are two psychological needs of humans: attachment and authenticity. Many people live highly problematic lives because they are sacrificing this authenticity for the sake of attachment. Years before, I was a lot more pacific with my own opinions and Facebook posts, but I realized it is much better to be truly authentic and be liked for what I am, and what I am is inconsistent with most people here where I live.
This book asks: “how many shows or movies have you seen where the protagonist doesn’t find love and is still happy?” Maybe this author just hasn’t seen the masterpieces I’ve seen, because in Hamaguchi’s Drive My Car or in Sciamma’s Portrait of a Lady on Fire, it was authenticity that saw them joy, even despite a lack of romance.
The thing with a lot of people nowadays is that they whine about having standards without trying their best to fulfill these standards they set for themselves. They’re obese, but they want a fit partner. Ultimately, man is a hypocrite, but it would do us much better to minimize this hypocrisy. I want to avoid this for myself, so I have never stopped exercising: when I got injured, I started strength training. I try to practice the discipline I seek in a partner. But as long as I work on myself and do what I need to improve, I think I will be able to attract a counterpoise in my life.
I’ve largely been insulated from popular pursuits because I have always been peculiar. I would rather have the complete Palmtex Super Micro set (look it up!) than have a PS5. The gist of this book seems to be that to be able to love others, you have to like yourself first. I mean, obviously. That’s why I keep reading because I love being more knowledgeable and having taste (like not voting for BBM for the clout). I like working out because I don’t want to be fat and unhealthy. I eat disciplined and fast because I like fitness. My problem isn’t that I don’t know what I want – it’s that I know what I want, and what I want is quite rare today.
So this book isn’t really that applicable to me, because the author advocates acting stupid (and being stupid at times). Since I’ve been past that phase, and I have read better books on psychology written by Erich Fromm and Rollo May, this seems to be a more diffuse and unfocused rehash. I don’t advocate experimentation and “learning” from it, because that’s the bitterest source of knowledge. I would rather advocate observation, as Confucius does, because it’s difficult but hurts the least. I also think that a thorough self-analysis is better than testing oneself on other people, but this is where one’s mileage varies.
This is probably because I have great parents and a good childhood. I was blessed to have a wonderful family dynamic that celebrated intellectual competence, so I had the privilege of observation. This book works for people with less healthy families and people coping with that, but this book isn’t for me. I don’t experiment for the sake of it: I know drugs are bad for me, tattoos are not my thing, and I don’t have to have them just to know they’re not for me.
“But you’re in your late thirties and unmarried, you don’t have kids, and you drive a Honda. Most likely, you are not happy” – wait, this isn’t true for me. I’m in my late thirties, I don’t want to marry just anyone, and I don’t want kids. This is what I want, and why this book is stupid. There is no theoretical basis for its go-getter claims, and I really have little trust on a therapist who doesn’t look before he leaps.
May 28, 2022
Learning to love and appreciate yourself through and through while still leaning into what you’d like to improve are important party’s of the singleness journey. I really loved that the book highlighted relationships with friends and family and the ones we have with ourselves as meaningful to our wellbeing. Too often we hear that our mate is coming, but I liked that Kim began the book with the hard truth that they may not be coming anytime soon if at all, and if you want to enjoy life you’ll have to acknowledge that so that you can really appreciate the person you are, as your relationship with yourself is the most important you’ll ever have.
One of the sections of the book that spoke to me is the discussion about the need to love and understand your body. I struggle with this, but it’s so important. Knowing what makes your body thrive and communicating that to your partner when you have one is something learned in time for many and it’s something that will only add to your own self appreciation in the long run.
Many times we get caught up in our romantic relationships, so much so that we lose ourselves morphing into who we think noir partner wants us to be. But the author makes a good point in the fact that that other person, even at their best, is only 50% of the relationship. Knowing who you are and creating your own unique and beautiful life before merging with another is essential to a successful relationship so that you both can show up fully and authentically.
Some parts of the book slowed down the experience of self appreciation for me, as it does primarily focus on being your best single self so that you can be at your best for a future partner. But, I feel that this was the point of the book and still found it useful to be reminded of how important I am as a person, inside or outside of a relationship. 4 stars!
One of the sections of the book that spoke to me is the discussion about the need to love and understand your body. I struggle with this, but it’s so important. Knowing what makes your body thrive and communicating that to your partner when you have one is something learned in time for many and it’s something that will only add to your own self appreciation in the long run.
Many times we get caught up in our romantic relationships, so much so that we lose ourselves morphing into who we think noir partner wants us to be. But the author makes a good point in the fact that that other person, even at their best, is only 50% of the relationship. Knowing who you are and creating your own unique and beautiful life before merging with another is essential to a successful relationship so that you both can show up fully and authentically.
Some parts of the book slowed down the experience of self appreciation for me, as it does primarily focus on being your best single self so that you can be at your best for a future partner. But, I feel that this was the point of the book and still found it useful to be reminded of how important I am as a person, inside or outside of a relationship. 4 stars!
April 2, 2021
When I finished this book, I had to read it again - instantly.
I like John Kim and this book for it's honesty. It makes you reflect on your actions, thoughts and desires. It helps you identify what fuels them and most importantly, how to rewrite them.
Kim is raw and vulnerable, sharing things most professionals in his field probably wouldn't share about themselves. His insecurities, his flaws, things he has tried, desired and abused that are taboo or untraditional. It is refreshing because it reminds you, we are all so human.
What I like most about Kim's message in this book is to change what we control in the face of singlehood (or relationships) and that is ourselves. We need to stop hoping for these past traumas, voids and holes in our selves to be filled or patched up by the company of others and find ways to fill them by ourself for ourself.
This book gives you the confidence to rediscover your identity and start building a life that is yours. It helps you think about who you were before the pressures of society, your family and your partner came in and told you how to be. It zooms out of the scene that is your current situation and says, remember you have a WHOLE life. Let's fill it with experiences that make you feel alive, that actually count as 'living' and not just existing.
It's not a book for singles, it's a book for individuals. Don't lose yourself in others. Feed your soul.
I like John Kim and this book for it's honesty. It makes you reflect on your actions, thoughts and desires. It helps you identify what fuels them and most importantly, how to rewrite them.
Kim is raw and vulnerable, sharing things most professionals in his field probably wouldn't share about themselves. His insecurities, his flaws, things he has tried, desired and abused that are taboo or untraditional. It is refreshing because it reminds you, we are all so human.
What I like most about Kim's message in this book is to change what we control in the face of singlehood (or relationships) and that is ourselves. We need to stop hoping for these past traumas, voids and holes in our selves to be filled or patched up by the company of others and find ways to fill them by ourself for ourself.
This book gives you the confidence to rediscover your identity and start building a life that is yours. It helps you think about who you were before the pressures of society, your family and your partner came in and told you how to be. It zooms out of the scene that is your current situation and says, remember you have a WHOLE life. Let's fill it with experiences that make you feel alive, that actually count as 'living' and not just existing.
It's not a book for singles, it's a book for individuals. Don't lose yourself in others. Feed your soul.
September 3, 2024
Overall I liked this, definitely written by a man with his perspective but there’s some good insight into the psychology of being single and taking it as an opportunity to learn more about yourself and building up a strong sense of self before getting into a relationship. I appreciated the clear “how to” sections. Some parts I found outdated but overall there are definitely some good nuggets in here!
April 6, 2023
I loved the audiobook version. Felt more personal since the author was reading it. The book is very relatable and insightful. Didn’t feel like a “I have to do this” but more of a “I’m inspired to work on mysef”. It taught me to see how important it is to engage in the moment, be present for myself, do what I feel is meaningful, and practice self care and spend time getting to know myself. It is a great read for after a break up, mid single life or even in the middle of a life transition. Also good for even if you’re in a relationships because there is more in it than the idea the title gives.
February 21, 2022
Er að reyna að skammast mín ekki fyrir að pósta þessu hingað, en mér fannst ég þurfa að lesa eitthvað svona einmitt núna, og mér fannst það ágætt, gott fyrir mig að setja allt í samhengi í hausnum á mér, fínasta sjálfshjálparbókartetur
May 7, 2024
Excellent book to bring power back into your romance journey (with yourself)
January 21, 2021
Audiobook. I actually really liked this. His voice is calming, the message is inspiring. I am not nearly as hard on myself or fear being alone as much as the people who Kim is writing this book for but it was a very calming book to put on as I take walks or get ready for bed. I totally agree with everything he says about building a relationship with yourself and getting back into touch with things that bring you joy. I am also listening to Eat, Pray, Love at the same time which he compares this book to in the introduction lol. I can think of lots of people who need to read this. I am curious what sort of therapist he is that doesn’t have initials in his title and gives what are supposed to be legally protected confidential therapy sessions in a coffee shop??
Was leaning toward a 5 but a personal pet peeve, I am not looking for music recommendations from a book. There is an entire chapter with an annotated playlist and then he said Broken Social Science instead of Scene and I was even more annoyed. To be fair I’m having a bad day.
For the most part it was right up my alley, but something about him trying to be a hip and edgy therapist just didn’t sit right with me. I don’t love cursing in self help books. It feels unnatural and gimmicky. Overall though the advice is solid and I especially enjoyed hearing it in his own voice!
Was leaning toward a 5 but a personal pet peeve, I am not looking for music recommendations from a book. There is an entire chapter with an annotated playlist and then he said Broken Social Science instead of Scene and I was even more annoyed. To be fair I’m having a bad day.
For the most part it was right up my alley, but something about him trying to be a hip and edgy therapist just didn’t sit right with me. I don’t love cursing in self help books. It feels unnatural and gimmicky. Overall though the advice is solid and I especially enjoyed hearing it in his own voice!
April 10, 2024
A you tuber was reading this book in one of her vlogs and by the title I needed to grab it .. I will say the title is not actually for single people in my opinion is been single in so many other ways even if you are in a relationship this book can help you be a better person each days ❤️ 80% of this book I can relate is like this book was meant for I knew already things that this Author mention but also learned other things that I have never tough before. I recommend this book it was useful for me don’t know if for you will it be ☺️ also keep in mind is more about John Kim story as a single person after he’s dating experience keep that in mind . I will give it a ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
October 10, 2022
I liked the concept of finding something for yourself that makes you feel like a kid again.a good reminder that you can look super successful on the outside but if you aren’t finding purpose and being present in what you do, you’re still gonna be depressed. I want to do mushrooms less than when I began this book. I got a boyfriend in the time it took me to read this book so do with that information what you will.
Read
February 28, 2023I really liked this book and thought it covered good topics and worked on things we may need to hear. I enjoyed the message and the conversations he spoke about. I wouldn’t necessarily recommend this to everyone but I did like it.
December 2, 2024
I've finally found the time to read this book. While the title may indicate this book is for singles only, those in relationships would find this book helpful as well. Why? Because this book is not about how to have better relationships with others, but how to have a better relationship with yourself.
Some lessons I've learned
1. Practicing self-care. Self-care is not just caring for yourself. Self-care is *connecting* with yourself. You need to know how take care and connect with yourself in all aspects of life - physical, mental, social, and spiritual.
2. If you're single, having friends is more important than finding a partner. Not having good friends disconnect us from ourselves.
3. We need to understand our past relationships in order to have better relationship with ourselves because our past relationships either encouraged us to connect or disconnect from ourselves. Knowing the journey of love is a helpful tool for this.
4. You need to grieve the death of a relationship. If you don't you will cope in some other unhealthy or destructive ways like jumping from relationship to relationship or sex, drugs, or food.
5. When you do get into a relationship, you have to work on self-care and connecting to yourself much more because you are not only dealing with your own shit, you're dealing with your partner's as well. You need to keep doing the activities that made you feel connected to yourself when you were single, things that you might not have in common with your partner.
6. One of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is they stop taking care of themselves and stop working on being attractive. You have to lay down that habit of taking care of yourself while single so you can continue doing it while in a relationship. This is your responsibility, not your partner's.
The book also contains a brief description of what the journey of love looks life from young love to love in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. This provides a helpful pattern for most people and can help in how to understand your previous relationships.
The things I didn't like about this book is that the author relies on his and his clients' experiences for what he writes about. There's not a single scientific reference or study that he cites.
Another aspect of the book you might not like if you're religious, is the author suggesting to explore your sexuality and sleep around. The irony is that even the author was not able to practice this himself when he was single as he mentions in the book. There's a good point in here though. A large part of what matters is being in a healthy state of mind when sleeping with other people and not using it to escape from yourself.
Besides a few minor things I didn't like in the book, overall, I found the book to be helpful. I recommend this book to anyone who's struggling to find happiness as a single individual.
Some lessons I've learned
1. Practicing self-care. Self-care is not just caring for yourself. Self-care is *connecting* with yourself. You need to know how take care and connect with yourself in all aspects of life - physical, mental, social, and spiritual.
2. If you're single, having friends is more important than finding a partner. Not having good friends disconnect us from ourselves.
3. We need to understand our past relationships in order to have better relationship with ourselves because our past relationships either encouraged us to connect or disconnect from ourselves. Knowing the journey of love is a helpful tool for this.
4. You need to grieve the death of a relationship. If you don't you will cope in some other unhealthy or destructive ways like jumping from relationship to relationship or sex, drugs, or food.
5. When you do get into a relationship, you have to work on self-care and connecting to yourself much more because you are not only dealing with your own shit, you're dealing with your partner's as well. You need to keep doing the activities that made you feel connected to yourself when you were single, things that you might not have in common with your partner.
6. One of the most common mistakes people make in relationships is they stop taking care of themselves and stop working on being attractive. You have to lay down that habit of taking care of yourself while single so you can continue doing it while in a relationship. This is your responsibility, not your partner's.
The book also contains a brief description of what the journey of love looks life from young love to love in your 20s, 30s, and 40s. This provides a helpful pattern for most people and can help in how to understand your previous relationships.
The things I didn't like about this book is that the author relies on his and his clients' experiences for what he writes about. There's not a single scientific reference or study that he cites.
Another aspect of the book you might not like if you're religious, is the author suggesting to explore your sexuality and sleep around. The irony is that even the author was not able to practice this himself when he was single as he mentions in the book. There's a good point in here though. A large part of what matters is being in a healthy state of mind when sleeping with other people and not using it to escape from yourself.
Besides a few minor things I didn't like in the book, overall, I found the book to be helpful. I recommend this book to anyone who's struggling to find happiness as a single individual.
January 28, 2023
I enjoyed this book. I think John Kim is a very casual, funny, and engaging writer that made me want to continue reading. He mixes therapeutic advice with examples from his own life that are very helpful. He has a lot of really great advice that I liked, but found it difficult to think of ways in which I could implement some of these practices into my life. I would have appreciated more concrete examples about the ideas he discussed because I think his ideas are really great. Some reviewers suggested that this book gave the indication that you should just be single for now in order to prepare for your next relationship but I disagree with those comments. I found this book to be really enjoyable and gave a lot of great tools to start a journey of self discovery and prioritizing yourself. I wish I could give this a 4.5 - I really liked it but with there would have been more concrete examples. A side note - the chapters are really short which I love. Overall, I have and would recommend this book to any of my friends.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 776 reviews