If I Can't Have You

by Charlotte Levin

Samuel, the day we met I knew I’d finally found what I’ve been waiting for.

You.

Happiness, at last.

Then you left me.

And now I am alone.

Everyone I love leaves in the end.

But not this time.

I’m not giving up on us.

I’m not giving up on you.

When you love someone, you never let them go.

That’s why for me, this is just beginning.

Genres: Thriller, Fiction, Romance, Mystery, Contemporary, Audiobook, Mystery Thriller

297 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 9, 2020

About the author

Charlotte Levin is the bestselling author of IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU and the Richard & Judy Book Club pick IF I LET YOU GO.

She writes emotional yet darkly humorous character-led novels that centre on the morally grey, the outsiders, and those who could probably do with some therapy.

She has been shortlisted for the Andrea Badenoch Award, part of the New Writers North Awards, and the Mslexia Short Story Competition, as well as writing for publications, including The Observer and Marie Claire.

She lives in Manchester, England, with her cats Opal Moon, Leonard and Walter.

Her third novel OUTSIDE will be published in August 2026

website - www.charlottelevin.com

Reviews

[Lit with Leigh · Rating 4 out of 5]

Writing: solid | Plot: straight forward | Ending: controversial

3.5 rounded up. Phat ass trigger warning: stalking

SYNOPSIS

Constance is in love with Samuel and she doesn't handle rejection very well.

MY OPINION

I solely picked this one up because of the neon orange/pink cover LOL. The story isn't anything innovative, but when I read the prologue at the store, I had to see it through. I mean, the prologue ends with her tooth falling out on the Tube. Say less.

This is told in first-person, but like The Push and Notes on an Execution, Levin uses "you" when referencing a specific character. In this case, "you" is Dr. Samuel, the world's biggest nepo wanker. IMO this was kinda like Adelaide, but not as whiny (yeah I said it). It has the same theme: women being manipulated by men. While Constance definitely goes off the rails, Charlotte Levin does a great job giving her a sad af backstory that makes you understand why she believes her reaction is totally okey-dokey.

Beyond her tragique backstory, Levin does a great job at blurring the lines between a sympathetic and unhinged maniac character. She's an absolute savage when it comes to her coworkers yet you see a softer side with Edward. And while she's in full delulu mode with Dr. Dickhead, you sometimes feel bad for how he treats her. Also, her predicament with the world's creepiest roommate, Dale, had me screaming #FreeConstance.

As you're reading, you know you're building to something crazy. And it certainly does go buckwild at the end there. However, I wouldn't pick this book up if you need a sense of justice when it's all said and done. I'm not sure how I feel about a certain character dying and another one getting a happy ending... Tbh no one deserved to be riding off into the sunset here.

Anyways, don't pick this up if you're expecting a traditional thriller with lots of twists and turns. This is definitely a character-driven suspense story.

PROS AND CONS

Pros: I liked the writing style, multi-dimensional character, controversial story, great backstory for Constance

Cons: ending was maybe a tad too controversial for me, too long, could be a bit slow in some places

____________________________

For some sick reason, do you want to hear more of my nonsense? Check out my podcast: Novels & Nonsense streaming everywhere.

[Mandy White (mandylovestoread) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a debut novel?! Charlotte Levin's If I Can't Have You is an addictive and dark novel of obsession, love and betrayal. I wasn't sure at the beginning but the more I read the more I got lost in Constance's story. This is book that you need to read to believe. I gave a feeling that it will be a much talked about book this year.

Constance is a receptionist in a doctors surgery in London who falls in love with Samuel , the new doctor. He seems to feel the same way, but he uses her for his own purposes and then dumps her. What happens next is this story. She is a vulnerable woman and his betrayal hurts her, but she does not give up easily.

It is a dark character driven story, told from Constance's point of view. We see the world as she sees it. It is uncomfortable to read in parts, but that is the charm of it. It is raw and real. There are some wonderful supporting characters that you will fall in love with - clearly not Samuel!

Thanks to MacMillan Australia for my advanced copy of this book to read.

[Julie (JuJu) · Rating 5 out of 5]

What happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn’t love you back? And you’re a little batty. Read this extremely well-written and darkly-twisted novel of obsession and deception to find out. OMG...one of the best books I’ve read this year! I was amazed to find out it was the author’s first novel. I’m hoping for more of Ms. Levin’s work in the near future!!

This psychological thriller is written as a fascinating and detailed letter, from Constance to Samuel, and SO hard to put down. The story is a mixture of “Fatal Attraction” and “Gone Girl” and works perfectly. I couldn’t help but root for “Team Constance”, even if she was a bit psycho. The more I read about her, the more I sympathized with her and tried to understand her actions.

Yes...she did take things too far. She misread Samuel’s words and actions, only hearing and seeing what fit into her hopes and dreams. But the way Samuel treated her was disgusting. And I don’t think she was completely off her rocker, lol. Some of her crazy antics were humorous, while others were so gutsy that I was on the edge of my seat, waiting for her to be caught any minute.

Thank you to Pigeonhole, Charlotte Levin and Pan McMillan for this free digital ARC, in exchange for my honest opinion!

My Rating: 5 ⭐️’s
Published: July 9th 2020 by Pan McMillan
Pages: 416
Recommend: Yes

Trigger Warning: Sexual Assault

@tinycharlotte72 @ThePigeonholeHQ @PanMacmillan
#IfICantHaveYou #psychologicalthriller #NoRulesJustThrills #InExchangeForReview #JustFinished #BookReview
#ThanksPublishers

[Francisca · Rating 5 out of 5]

I started and it was difficult, nearly impossible to put it down.

From the moment that bride clad in taffeta and blood enters the subway it all goes so fast and intensely you simply don't notice the pages are passing by at incredible speed.

I'll have a much better review ready in a few days, but meanwhile I highly recommended it.

Solid 5 stars.

[Lily (LilyCReads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

I cannot explain why, but i feel like i decided to read this book at exactly the right moment in time..
No words for the mindf*ck i just experienced here.

[ReadAlongWithSue recovering from a stroke★⋆. ࿐࿔ · Rating 4 out of 5]

I would put this into the Suspense area.
Obsession.


Obsessions can consume you and it certainly did that for Constance.

Constance came to work in a Doctors surgery and became infatuated with one of the doctors Samuel.
Samuel (to be fair) was only being “nice” but to someone whose “fallen in love” with you, every word, every sentence and every action can be misinterpreted in that persons mind as an act of “interest”. After all, Constance saw it that way and built and built upon that in her mind until she believed Samuel loved her back.

But he didn’t.

I enjoyed this book a lot. I did listen to it on audio and it was read expertly.
Very good for her first book!

[8stitches 9lives · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Can’t Have You is Charlotte Levin’s superb debut novel and is part thriller and part human interest story which is a smart and heart-breaking read. It poses the question: how far would you be willing to go for the one you love?

We meet Constance Little who currently works as a receptionist at a private doctors surgery in Kensington. When a GP at the surgery passes away the clinicians call a meeting about finding another doctor to fill his space. Enter Dr Samuel Stevens. He's hubristic, attractive with an inflated sense of importance and a huge ego to boot. Despite this, it doesn't take long before Constance is overwhelmingly infatuated with him. Soon every thought that goes through her mind is of him. When she plucks up the courage to make a move on him she is ecstatic that her advances are reciprocated. But it becomes apparent that they aren't exactly on the same page, so to speak, as she has genuine feelings for Samuel whereas this is just a bit of fun to him. When he ends their brief affair in a cruel and compassionless manner Constance's infatuation turns into a dangerous obsession. How far will she go to win back the man of her dreams?

Ms Levin has written an absolutely riveting tale that quickly becomes chilling and disturbing due to Constance and her increasingly insane behaviour. What I particularly enjoyed was that although main character Constance has some very dangerous issues going on you can't help but feel for her as some of her thoughts and actions are relatable and I'm sure this was intentional on the authors part to make us readers feel rather conflicted. Written in a wholly original format, as a letter to her therapist, we are given access to her private thoughts and feelings and see very clearly her evolution into an obsessive state. Not only does this story bring thrills but there is plenty of emotion too and I felt moved to tears a number of times. The paciness continues throughout the book and I feel this is a captivating and utterly engrossing character-driven tale. Constance is a somewhat lost soul who is vulnerable due to grieving her mother's death. A creepy and sophisticated thriller. Many thanks to Mantle for an ARC.

[Amina Kara · Rating 3 out of 5]

I found it so hard to rate/review this book!

On the one hand, to start with I felt empathy for Constance, but somewhere along the way, I stopped and just wanted to give her a good shake! Her unhealthy obsession with Samuel just annoyed me, especially when he was just an arrogant, selfish womaniser! I honestly do get that she was damaged, but urgh, she was so frustrating!

On the other hand, the fact that I kept reading until the end, tells you that it was well written especially capturing Constance's grief/losses, and despite not liking the characters (Edward aside) they were well written too.

Thank you to Pigeonhole and Charlotte for the chance to read this book.

[Mellisa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh this book has made me have so many emotions! It's so gripping, I felt so much sympathy for Constance but irritation too, at making one man her whole life.

It's different to other obsession style books. Constance felt so alone and Samuel kept picking her up and then dripping her again. Telling her they have a connection and then laughing at her. He's hugely manipulative but very good at hiding it.

Then there's Dale. Her bestfriend, who we find is actually another manipulator, playing on her loneliness and forcing her to be with him which then leads to more traumatic experiences for poor Constance.

Constance has had so much hurt from everyone around her, people leaving her, using her. She feels it's all her fault and that broke my heart. It's so strange to read an obsession book and actually feel so much sympathy to the obsessor.

I won't forget this book. Utterly gripping, shocking, I didn't want it to finish. What an amazing book!

[Wiz · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was Ernest Hemingway who once encouraged writers to begin with “one true sentence”. There are many such sentences in Charlotte Levin’s debut “If I Can’t Have You”, but this is her first: “Everyone stared.” Simple, effective, true, because, above all, this is a novel not about looking but rather, about the desire to be seen.

When a lonely young woman, Constance Little, develops an infatuation with Samuel, the new doctor at the private medical centre where she works, she is thrilled when he reciprocates. But when he ends their brief and passionate affair, the emotional wounds from her past come fully to the fore, turning her love into a dangerous obsession. The reductiveness of its premise - designed, no doubt, by the publishers to appeal to readers’ tireless appetite for thrills, is both a pity and a mistake. A mistake because this is not in essence a traditional psychological thriller; a pity because there is a danger that it will be overlooked by others. And that would be a shame, because this is a smart, compelling and utterly fascinating novel that lingers.

One thing it does have in common with others of its purported genre is its readability. There is a creepy compulsiveness to the story, a sense from the start that things are going to go tits up. You just don’t know how and when. In this sense it shares something in common with Harriet Lane’s Alys Always which also features a woman insinuating herself into the lives of others. What makes this protagonist’s journey so seductive, however, is both its plausibility and its possibility. We might like to believe that Constance Little is none of us, but in reality she is all of us, for who can tell what lies around the corner of our lives, what particular synergy of experiences, or accidents of birth will presage the perfect storm towards tragedy?

It is these past experiences which the book is really about, and Levin shows considerable skill in doling out the breadcrumbs that lead us to the complete picture at the end. Writers are often told to be selective in revealing backstory, but here it IS the story, the method of its telling illuminating yet again the novel’s themes of appearances versus reality; of grief; of longing; of loss.

Samuel’s inability to really see beyond Constance’s surface is where the problems begin, an opportunity for Levin to also explore - in often excoriating detail - the issues of class and gender. Samuel’s heedless sense of entitlement to both Constance and other women in the novel is governed by both these issues. Samuel comes from a world of expensive brandy-swilling, back-slapping bonhomie; a social butterfly used to getting what he wants, and whose idea of justifying his deplorable actions is to decide that women are sulking, clingy leeches who don’t know the meaning of a “good time” and dare to mistake shared intimacies and intense sexual acts as a “relationship”. Stereotypical, maybe, but we’ve come too far into the age of “me too” to not also understand the truth and damage in these seemingly natural abuses of power and influence.

This is not, of course, to suggest that Constance is merely a victim of Samuel’s circumstance. Protagonists are - or should be - extremes of their theme, and as her disturbing actions gradually escalate, Levin allows us to see at first hand the depths to which Constance will sink in order to achieve her desire to belong. These include, although are not limited to, manipulating the other men who come into her orbit, especially the eccentric and quietly grieving Edward and her creepily sweaty flatmate Dale. The authorial trick in this regard is to make most of the other characters so unpleasant by comparison, that you can’t help but weirdly root for Constance as the most likeable unlikeable character. One particular instance, involving a foot massage, had me physically squirming with its unpleasantness, as though watching Mike Leigh on acid.

What lends Levin such power in these moments is her inability or her refusal to shy away from the pain of these characters, detailing their idiosyncrasies with a bald, flat prose style that also lends itself to Constance’s increasingly fractured inner dialogue; the psychological and verbal ellipses that show her gradual loss of touch with reality. There are no ten dollar words here, and the novel is all the greater for them as we are allowed to simply sit back and watch her world implode, unencumbered by authorial lectures or agendas. Levin writes with the ear of a screenwriter and the timing of a stand up comedian and there were several laugh out loud moments, interspersed with the reading equivalent of peering through my fingers out of sheer discomfort. If Zoe Heller and John Osborne had a literary love-child, Levin would fit the part perfectly. Though not quite as nuanced as Barbara Covett in her obliviousness, nor as ranty as Jimmy Porter, Constance Little is nonetheless a novelistic tour-de-force to be reckoned with.

To those readers who come for a psychological thriller I say stay with this book, and it will repay you in far greater riches. To those who overlook it as not sounding quite serious enough, I urge you just to come. A rare five stars from me.

My thanks to NetGalley and to the publishers, PanMacmillan for a copy of the ARC in return for an honest review.

Content warning for references to self-harm and suicide.

[Sophie Mor · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book was terrible

[Zoe · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cunning, compulsive, and unsettling!

If I Can’t Have You is an addictive, sinister, character-driven tale that takes you into the life of Constance Little, a lonely, fragile, young woman whose life quickly spins out of control after the tragic loss of her mother causes her to seek attention, affection and love from all the wrong places.

The prose is tight and tense. The characters are impulsive, vulnerable, and troubled. And the plot told through retrospective first-person narration is a slow-burning, creepy yet at times heartbreaking tale of life, loss, love, desperation, deception, jealousy, manipulation, anger, hatred, obsession, and emotional volatility.

Overall, If I Can’t Have You is a gripping, nuanced, fantastic debut by Levin that does a remarkable job of reminding us that love is not just lightness and joy but also sometimes extremely dark and dangerous.

Thank you to Publishers Group Canada for providing me with a copy in exchange for an honest review.

[Indieflower · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wasn't sure about this book at first, even though the first chapter was a really great hook. I'm not a big fan of first person narratives, I often find them exhausting, and even though at first I found Constance the main character, unpleasant I gradually realised I'd come to understand her, like her and care about what happened to her. No mean feat I think, especially as many - indeed most - of her actions were so questionable, at times I was holding my breath, wanting to step in and save her from herself. The story is well written, heartbreaking at times and touches on the nature of grief, loneliness, and the fine line between love and obsession, it also surprisingly has flashes of sarky humour which I loved. I'm so glad I read this, the ending was satisfying too, this is the author's debut novel and I would very much like to read more by her.

[Paige · Rating 1 out of 5]

There was so much potential…

I hated the book so much, it was so boring. I kept expecting it to pick up, and it never did. The whole book is just the main character stalking and obsessing over the guy. That’s it. No twists or turns. It’s quite repetitive. The characters are extremely unlikeable and bland. The guy she obsesses over is a dickhead, I hated him more than the mc. Overall it was just a hot mess of a book. I’ve read multiple wattpads more entertaining than this.

[Jo_Scho_Reads · Rating 5 out of 5]

Astonishingly, this is Charlotte Levin’s debut novel, except it is so brilliantly crafted you’d be forgiven for thinking it was her tenth!

It’s the story of Constance Little, a tough cookie who appears thoroughly self-centred and unlikeable. When Dr Samuel Stevens joins the surgery where she works she becomes obsessed with him; he’s everything she wants in a man and it looks like he feels the same.

I don’t want to give any more of the plot away as the character development is so intriguing and well done that the less you know the better. And there are some great characters in this book; every one of them adds so much to the story.

This is a book that touched so many different emotions in me. One minute I detested Constance, the next I loved her. I’ve winced, gasped, laughed and cried throughout the reading of this book. It’s definitely one of my favourites of 2020 and I can tell you that Charlotte Levin is certainly someone to look out for.

Seriously - if her first book is this good, what will her tenth be like?!

[Imogen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I’m not really sure how to feel about this book. I’m just not sure that I enjoy reading books that are about women that are weirdly obsessed by men and make everything in their lives around one man, especially in a stalker way. This book really creeped me out and just made me feel uncomfortable. The writing was incredible and the relationship and strength between Constance and Edward was amazing and their development was incredible but I just felt that the book as a whole didn’t hold much depth and just left me feeling quite unresolved as everything just seemed so sort itself out quite quickly in the last 20 pages which I thought seemed quite rushed.
But I don’t know, I’m more of a sunshine and rainbows kind of girl when it comes to books, so maybe I just didn’t understand the greater meaning of it!

[Fiona Mitchell · Rating 5 out of 5]

I always read the acknowledgements page of a book first for some reason. And because Levin’s acknowledgements made me cry (she knows all too much about grief) then a few paragraphs later made me laugh (men then cats were mentioned), I suspected that I was in for a rollercoaster of a read with this novel.

Indeed I was. Originally Levin’s novel was entitled An Explanation of Love - and stripped down to its barest bones, that’s just what it is - an explanation of what love is and what love isn’t. When the new doctor at the surgery where Constance works as a receptionist shows an interest in her, she thinks she is falling in love, except that what transpires between she and Samuel Stevens is anything but love.

On the surface, Samuel is handsome and educated and he’s a doctor too so he must be kind, right? Wrong. He is wilfully blind, making false promises to women, pretending that he wants a relationship with them even though all he wants is casual sex. When those women call him out on his behaviour, he dismisses them as ‘nutters’.

Having been through a recent trauma, Constance is a broken thing. So when Samuel is nice to her, she is drawn right in. Her initial attraction to him then tips into obsession and the tension mounts as her behaviour becomes more and more outlandish. Living in a dank bedsit, her only friend appears to be Dale, but the question is does he have some ulterior motive for looking after Constance so diligently?

Cue then the arrival of elderly Edward whose house is stuffed full of oddities and antiques. Constance ends up becoming ‘Darling, girl’ to the marvellous, magical Edward. Yet whenever Constance visits Edward, her gaze is pulled away in a type of Rear Window scenario as Samuel’s flat is directly opposite Edward’s. In another nod to Hitchcock, watch out for the enigmatic Tippi Hedren figure too.

The final chapters race along as we get closer to finding out just why Constance was aboard the Tube in that wedding dress during the first scene -which frankly is one of the best opening chapters I have ever read. And the ending more than lives up to this exquisite beginning as the drama reaches its exciting and satisfying peak.

Levin’s prose is fierce and original - not once did my attention stray. It fairly bristles with anger - almost everyone in Constance’s life is subject to her cynical scrutiny, but this brings laughs too, especially when she regales us with details about her fellow receptionists and Linda and Alison.

If I Can’t Have You is a bold, no-holds-barred, genre-defying piece of fiction. It is big on character, but the plot is equally fantastic. A stunning debut which has now joined the few books I keep on my desk for inspiration. Charlotte Levin - you are a monumental talent. What a gift of a novel this is.

[Charlotte · Rating 2 out of 5]

The literary equivalent of listening to a drunk friend go on, and on, about some worthless jerk who has broken her heart, before she pukes everywhere (there's a hell of a lot of vomit in this book). You can't turn away, but you know you're going to end up feeling slightly soiled, depressed, and wishing you'd never agreed to meet up in the first place.

[Pheadra · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an excellent read. What makes a book great? Exceptional writing interspersed with humour. A great story. And, the 'x' factor that draws a reader in and resonates long after the last word is read. It's possible this is because we recognise traits and errors in the flawed characters we read about or wish we could guide them not to engage with toxicity. As a debut novel, this ticked all those boxes and knocked the ball out of the park.
Essentially this is a tale about damaged people interacting with one another. From the opening line
"They all stared" it held my attention as we travelled a journey with main character Constance who writes a letter to Samuel explaining her thoughts and actions. She works as a receptionist at a doctors' surgery and falls head over heels with the new recruit. He(Samuel) bubbles along through life merrily using and abusing women for sex and dropping them as and when he chooses. She does not see his treatment of her as horrific and instead chooses to see him as the object of her love and devotion and refuses to walk away from him, as so many people have done in her life, who supposedly loved her.
Another character, Dale, her friend, roommate and ultimately lover is also damaged. He has not suffered the same degree of sadness Constance has but none the less chooses to love her and expects her to love him back the same, even though she obviously doesn't. Interestingly, this had me asking the question why does the reader despise Samuel so much and feel sorry for Constance (who I repeatedly wanted to shake)but not nearly as sorry for Dale who really is in many ways Constance's male version. She loves Samuel. He doesn't reciprocate her feelings. Dale loves her. She doesn't reciprocate his feelings. This is perhaps a good lesson in unrequited love from different perspectives.
What I did love about Constance was her wit pipped at the post only by a lesser character, Edward, who provided the balance and sanity and light relief much needed in this tale of obsession, loneliness, fear and hope. A well deserved 5 stars. Congratulations to the author.


A well deserved 5 stars

[Emma (escapetothebookshelf) · Rating 2 out of 5]

Gosh this is a tough one to review for me - I enjoyed the book for the most part but unfortunately it just fell a little flat for me at times and I wanted more! Constance works at a doctor's surgery and falls obsessively in love with the new doctor. On top of this, her mum passed away recently, Constance hasn't had any contact with her Dad since she was little, and she lives with her dreadfully creepy 'friend' called Dale. From the off, you know that Constance is an extremely troubled character, and likewise, from the off, you know that Samuel (the new doctor) is incredibly manipulative and despicable. The story is told by way of a letter from Constance to Samuel and so you have no idea where the story is going to end up.

The whole plot is inevitably uneasy to read and Levin does a fantastic job in making her readers feel rightly uncomfortable with the dynamic between Constance and Samuel, and also between Constance and Dale. I liked the idea of Constance writing to Samuel and I thought that this really contributed to the intense feel of the book. For me though, this book fell down the longer it went on as it was all slightly one tone, and when something big did happen, it was just extremely disturbing. Perhaps, this book just wasn't what I was expecting or ready for, so I would say that if the plot sounds intriguing to you, do go and pick it up. I should note, that in amongst the intensity, Constance did develop a lovely friendship with an elderly man called Edward and I think this added a grounding and sensitive element to the story, although it did feel very much of a contrast in amongst the otherwise disturbing events.

Overall, for me a very confusing book but it did really get me thinking and I particularly enjoyed the prompt questions from the Tandem readalong. Thanks to PanMacmillan and Tandem for a copy of this book.

[Nancy W. (cabingirlreads) · Rating 5 out of 5]

"They say there's a fine line between love and hate. But I don't think there's a line at all. They're the same thing. What we love we hate for loving. What makes us more vulnerable than love? What hurts as much?"

WOW! It's been two days since I finished this book, and I am still feeling a huge book hangover. I love books centered around love and obsession and I just found my favorite one.

Constance, having recently lost her mother, takes a job in a doctor's office where she meets the handsome and charming Dr. Samuel Stevens. She quickly becomes obsessed with him and thoughts of him consume her life. He ends up leading her on, using her, then dumping her. Constance cannot think of her life without Samuel. What follows is an intense, disturbing, and twisted story. Told from Constance's POV in a letter format to Samuel, you can feel her heartbreak, desperation and loneliness seeping from the pages. The author tells Constance's story brilliantly and I cannot believe this is her debut novel.

This book sealed a place in my top 5 reads of 2022 🎉

[Andrea Pole · Rating 4 out of 5]

If I Can't Have You by Charlotte Levin has left me utterly gobsmacked. I just cannot get my head around the fact that this is a debut novel. With excellent characterization, crisp dialogue, and sharply observed nuances pertaining to unrecquited love, this is one that you will want to add to your TBR.

Constance is working as a receptionist at a medical practice when she meets Samuel Stevens, a self-obsessed egomaniac who soon uses Constance exclusively to his own ends. To Constance, the relationship is so much more meaningful than it would otherwise be, as her current circumstances have left her vulnerable and raw. So begins an obsession that will lead Constance into the darkest recesses of human emotion.

This is a fascinating tale that will hook you immediately. Constance is a protagonist who will certainly linger in your mind and conscience long after the final page. I look forward to reading more from this exciting new entrant to the genre.

Many thanks to NetGalley and Pan Macmillan for the opportunity to read this ARC.

[Mags Schofield · Rating 5 out of 5]

I honestly cannot believe that this is a debut novel. I feel as though Constance is my friend and I wanted to shake her and stop her ridiculous risk taking behaviour. But as I learnt what had happened to her, my arms reached out to hug her. I wanted to hurt the people who hurt her. I wanted to teach her the difference between love and obsession. The powerful writing takes the reader full circle from the first meeting with Constance on a train, bloodied and wearing a wedding dress, to the final heartbreaking diary entry which made my heart bleed, engrossing me in the story and some of the poignant descriptions of grief and despair I have ever read. I am so sorry that I judged Constance before I knew her story.
I am also pleased that Constance finally finds a friend in Edward, and I'm sure that they will teach Angela about healthy relationships. Thank you Pigeonhole and Charlotte for the opportunity to read this amazing book. One of my favourite books this year. I will certainly be following you in future. Five well deserved stars.

[Tiana · Rating 1 out of 5]

I was hoping this would be more of a psychological thriller/mystery or something, but I felt underwhelmed by If I Can't Have You. The idea of the story is interesting, but I felt not executed very well. I just don't think the characterisation was there enough for me to really understand the minds of these characters, or how they felt. Constance is incredibly bland; sadly, the only "interesting" thing about her is her obsession with Samuel, and well that's not exactly a good thing. I also didn't enjoy the pace of the book, there was never much of a flow to the writing in my opinion. Overall, a pretty disappointing read.

[leila ⋆.˚౨ৎ · Rating 5 out of 5]

5✩

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜

‘Unexpressed emotions will never die.
They are buried alive and will come forth later in uglier ways’
SIGMUND FREUD

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜

this book made me FEEL things. i made a discovery that i quite like books that make me contemplate if what the characters were doing was right or wrong. it was tough to be convinced that what constance did was entirely her fault. samuel played a large role as well. i got goosebumps because constance's obsessive behaviour was wrong and creepy at some point, don't get me wrong, but it was portrayed in such a subtle way that i could empathise with her. she was a difficult person to begin with, she had her trauma and her hardships so i could kind of see where she was coming from. the author successfully gave her readers something to gnaw on. the book has made its appearance in my thoughts on multiple occasions and while reading the story i was hooked! also the ending thoooo i dunno how to phrase it but i was left speechless but i also had so much to say.😫😭🤯

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

"Tell me, Doctor, when people die of a broken heart, does it always happen fast?"

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

➳ constance
she's a woman who works an admin position at a clinic. devoid her parent's love to accompany her through life, she lives with her friend dale but seems to keep to herself and doesn't have other friends. i feel like the wound of both her parents leaving her (although for different reasons) has made her stuck with grief she's not ready to let go yet. thus, she fears being abandoned by the people she feels connected to. even if they are the wrong people. personally, i could sense samuel was up to no good early on. the scene where he fucked her against the brick wall spontaneously solidified that. his mixed signals and manipulation might have led constance to believe that there was still a chance. the tiniest bit of attention gave her the false hope she needed to get attached. i guess she has attachment issues! watching her spiral into her obsession was creepy. it started with waiting to catch a glimpse of samuel after work, then it was following him home, then it was watching him from the window of his neighbour edward's house, breaking his car, calling him to hear him breathe etc. etc. (i'm not going to spoil it all but it gets worse!!) she was drawn to him even tho sirens were blaring. it was upsetting to see her suffer so much for such a BOY (samuel ain't no man). however she did dale very dirty. cheating is a nono and you could tell since the beginning that her heart wasn't for him, yet she dated him anyway just so he won't leave and let her be all alone. selfish much? absolutely! but given her past experiences i kind of get it, though it's still not okay.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

"If you love someone, never let them go."

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

➳ samuel
i have prepped so many insults his way but i won't write them here because what if this review gets deleted AAHAHAHA nono i spent so much time on this, i better play it safe with the insults. anyway, he's the newbie doctor that came to constance's workplace after another doctor passed away. he's a very charming man (according to constance), seemed friendly and she was drawn to him. like a lamb to the slaughter constance fell hopelessly in love with this man who had a fresh breakup and oh so conveniently blamed everything on the woman. that already says a lot. he proceeds to open up to constance and tried to get to know her. he made her feel wanted and special and everything went great until they had their first sex together. i'm still raging btw because how can someone have the audacity to play a girl like that, use her for his own pleasure and become a whole new person and ignore her and say "yeah let's keep things professional, this was nothing let's forget about it". and after a while constance kinda had a glow up so samuel's typical predator personality resurfaced just for him to say "whoops i forgot what happened last night, we're still friends right?" on the next day. like ???? a man would express his feelings and intentions and not lead someone on like that. he comes and goes as he pleases, its unbelievable. he goes from liking her to ignoring her to treating her like a normal colleague. bro couldn't open his mouth to tell her this was just a game for him. yes being stalked and completely obsessed over is worrying but he brought it upon himself. his whole personality gave me the fattest ick, he deserved everything that came his way i just wished that he could realise that he was also in the wrong. he keeps on blaming everything solely on the women, it's infuriating. he uses 1 finger to point at people but 4 fingers are pointing back at him.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

"Then, all women were crazy to you, weren’t they? Just for being women. Having feelings. Wants. Needs. Expectations of you. Crazy fucking bitches. All of us."

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

➳ dale

not much to say, but he's probably constance's only friend. he did fall in love with her though and was rejected. he left and constance realised how lonely it is without him so she agreed to date him. i feel sorry for him because constance was so distant and unavailable and he didn't even know why. she selfishly thought of someone else while being with dale who was in the blue. he tried his best though and i can understand why he would be frustrated too if the other person stays so distant and occupied. though he isn't the best person and sometimes gave the ick, constance also should have clarified her feelings and not be so self-centred. let poor dale go, their one-sided love story was bound to collapse.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

"Wanting to be over someone is not the same as being so."

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

➳ edward

reminded me of grumpy from snow white! he's such a grumpy old man who had a ton of life experience and carries a soft spot for constance. at first constance kinda used him to spy on samuel from the window but soon it became more than just that. edward and constance shared a bond and became good friends and it was quite lovely to see their friendship flourish.

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

"I had a shot of reality. What I was doing. The pathetic act of watching the person I loved, loving someone else."

.・゜゜・✧･ﾟ: *✧･ﾟ:* .・゜゜・

overall a great gripping read that blurred the line between right and wrong. it is quite heavy so maybe consider reading something more light-hearted after!

little playlist ✮⋆˙

dirty little secret - artemas
all because i liked a boy - sabrina carpenter
vampire - olivia rodrigo
favourite crime - olivia rodrigo
toxic till the end - rose
the diner - billie eilish
i love you, i'm sorry - gracie abrams

[Karly · Rating 3 out of 5]

My Rating system: 3⭐️⭐️⭐️ ticked some boxes but did what I needed it to do ENTERTAIN!!!

They say if you love something let it go… I won’t be doing that. Not now. Not Ever. You made me happy and then you left me - If you love someone NEVER let them go. That’s why for me this is just the beginning, I know you will understand and be happy with me again soon.

Short synopsis because really we all know from the title that this is a stalker novel. It is very much written in the style of You or Our Kind of Cruelty. Our narrator Constance has secrets and insecurities but most of all she is desperately lonely. This is the heart of the disaster that is to come.

First of all, this is not a bad 3 stars it is quite simply exactly the story (save for a few surprises) that I thought it would be and exactly what I needed to get through a reading slump of 4DNF in a row. I needed something entertaining and reliable but I knew this would be repetitive and at times annoying. Which by the way it was HOWEVER I knew that going in so while I could easily knock stars off for that I am not going to because like I said I knew what I was getting into and it did entertain me.IF you do not want a repetitive stalker style novel and will end up giving it one star because of this then best steer clear.

The writing was entertaining and kind of addictive, a bit like the addition that Constance has with Samuel. At first she is just drawn to his good looks and is satisfied at just sneaking peeks at him whenever she can. However, Samuel and Constance end up having a night together that means far more to Constance than it does to Samuel. Dreaming of a life together she walks into work the next day (he is a GP in the practice where she is the medical receptionist) expecting a happy welcome. She is greeted by ‘I never promised you anything’ and ‘You knew this was a one time thing right’? AND the kicker ‘We can still be friends right?’ Unable to express herself properly (which in my humble opinion would have been a smack in the mouth and stomping out) Constance agrees well yes in fact they can be friends and she shoves her feelings down her own throat for about one hot minute before she takes some drastic measures.

The story builds and builds and you know something absolutely hectic is going to happen and it doesn’t let you down. It gets a bit unrealistic and out of hand at times HOWEVER like I said I knew what I was in for so I was all in…. Eye roll moments and all!!! You literally want to reach into the book and grab Constance and slap some sense into her but… you gotta let stalkers stalk!!! You do you Boo!!!

It is a bit of a wild right and if you are up for pushing reality out the window and having a really super easy and entertaining read then grab this one as I did for a palette cleanser - some of you may go HELL NO BISH THIS IS MY JAM then right on!!! Get stuck into it!!! But like I said earlier I did warn you, it is repetitive, there are stupid decisions GALORE, eye roll moments and even some super cringy REALLY … oh why moments as well. It gets dark in parts though but absolutely not thriller dark.

Overall, I got what I needed from this one it was well written and seriously if I met the author I would have to ask if she has experience in stalking people cause, girrrrrl you creepy!!! 🤣😬

[Bridget · Rating 5 out of 5]

If I Can’t Have You is a stunning début novel by new author Charlotte Levin. There was such a lot to love about this smart and compelling story.

Constance Little currently works as a receptionist at a private doctors surgery in Kensington. When a new doctor, Samuel Stevens, starts at the practice it isn't long before Constance is overwhelmingly infatuated with him. He's exceedingly attractive, very confident, and has an inflated sense of his own importance. But Constance can't stop thinking about him. When he appears to welcome her romantic overtures she is ecstatic. When it becomes apparent that they aren't singing from the same song sheet, he ends their brief liaison rather cruelly and Constance's infatuation turns into an obsession...

This character driven, dark story is told from Constance's viewpoint. Even though her behaviour was frenetic and disturbing and she clearly had some issues, it was difficult to not feel for her. The author cunningly made good use of this making me feel very torn, with mixed emotions. This is a raw and compelling story with many thrills and it is also one of deep provocation. If I Can’t Have You is a remarkable début.

I received a complimentary copy of this novel at my request from Pan Macmillan/ Mantle via NetGalley. This review is my own unbiased opinion.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

This debut novel is about the obsession of a troubled young woman, Constance Little who is still heavily affected by the dramatic circumstances that ocurred during her youth. After a very brief affair with newly hired doctor Samuel Stevens at the surgery where she works as a receptionist/clerk, she is being dumped like a piece of garbage by this arrogant womanizer. Not able to accept being discarded she secretly decides to stalk him, while still trying to win him back.

The pace is rather slow and I was missing some more action, but on the other hand I found it to be a high-quality- and fluent read, very beautifully written, with touching words.
(quote "how can I celebrate the life she gave me when she is no longer there?" unquote)

Looks like the author has experienced the loss of loved ones too, as towards the middle she described an intensive mourning process in a very touching way, like only those having suffered a serious loss are able to.
(quote "It's funny, grief, isn't it? How you die with them. Whoever you were before has gone +... "unquote)

The dry humor was refreshing and softens the tough battle Constance is dealing with . The ending is rather abrupt and could have been more elaborated .

All in al, a good debut novel. My actual rating is 3,5 *

[StinaStaffymum · Rating 3 out of 5]

What happens when you fall in love with someone who doesn't love you back? Do you accept it and move on? Or do you become consumed, obsessed and a little batty?

This story is about Constance Little.
This is her love story.
Only...this isn't the way it was supposed to end.

Clad in a meringue of taffeta, tulle and blood, Constance steps onto the underground in somewhat of a daze. As the reader we are instantly drawn into her world and what happened to leave her sandwiched between a hipster and a mother with her child in a bridal gown on a train. The child was in awe of Constance's attire exclaiming "Look at the princess, mummy!" whilst pawing the rustling fabric as other passengers possibly declared her somewhat insane. In that moment, we feel her pain despite not yet knowing what it is. Has she been jilted? Or is she a runaway bride?

But the truth is much stranger than fiction; far darker and twisted than anyone could possibly imagine. Including Constance herself.

Working as a receptionist for a doctors surgery in affluent Kensington, Constance falls in love with Dr Samuel Stevens the moment she sets eyes on him. Brought in to fill the gap a deceased doctor has left behind, Samuel arrives with his smiles and self-importance. Despite this Constance sees only attraction and is immediately infatuated with him, finding any excuse she can to be alone with him. Soon her every thought is consumed with him particularly when her advances are reciprocated and Constance believes their stolen moments to be true love.

But when Samuel ends their brief affair in a cruel and insensitive manner, Constance is devastated that what she believed to be genuine was just a bit of fun for him. It is then that the emotional wounds of her past turn her infatuation into a dangerous obsession, as she goes all Glenn Close, stalking him and watching him in an attempt to feel closer to him. But how far will she go to win him back?

However Samuel's sense of entitlement, self-importance and arrogance as well as his inability to see the depth of his treatment of not only Constance, but women in general, speaks volumes as to the type of man he is. Why is it that these are the men who attract the most vulnerable kind of woman? They fall for his charm, his smile, the way he makes them laugh all without seeing that he is really laughing at them not with them. He comes from a world of entitlement and privilege and is used to getting what he wants and then justifying his disgraceful actions by accusing women of being sulky and clingy who dare to mistake sexual intimacy as a relationship when all he is really after is a good time.

But just as Samuel is a master manipulator, so is Constance. She wangles her way into the bereaved and lonely Edward's life purely for her own gain as well as clinging to her creepy flatmate Dale just so he wouldn't leave her...even though she never really wanted him in the first place. Alongside her flashbacks to her childhood memories, it brings to light just how lonely Constance is and how affected she is by the mistakes of the past and/or the sins of her father, or even mother, as the case may be. Granted, she is still grieving after the death of her mother, and grief can sometimes make people do the strangest things. In Constance's case, in her view everyone she loves leaves her...and that appears to be her greatest fear which she tries to control through various unsuccessful attempts.

This psychological thriller is a darkly twisted tale of love and obsession written in the form of a detailed letter from Constance to Samuel, the object of her desire, and is a twisted blend of "Fatal Attraction" and "Gone Girl". I couldn't help but feel sorry for Constance even if she was a tad psycho. It was Samuel and Dale that I loathed the most...and I had to question who was the most twisted one of them all?

On the one hand, you sympathise with Constance while on the other you dislike her intensely. She does come across as needy and clingy but then again, you have the inside scoop as to why she acts the way she does, so does that make it excusable or just understandable? Half the time I couldn't decide whether I liked or hated her but somehow I still found myself rooting for her. I guess I wanted to see Samuel get his comeuppance, because really the man was deplorable. And Dale? He was just uber creepy. I did not like him from the start. How Constance couldn't see through him is beyond me. His pointed comment about those who are so obsessed with who they are watching often are oblivious as to who may be watching them (or words to that effect)...was just super creepy.

My favourite character would have to be the irascible Edward. And his inscription in the copy of "Wuthering Heights" he gave to Constance for her birthday brought tears to my eyes...

IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU is sinister, creepy and, in some ways, addictive. Its tense and compulsive narration gives the reader a sense of claustrophobia. The characters are impulsive, vulnerable and mostly unlikeable. While the plot itself is quite cleverly written as one long detailed letter that provides a slow burn build of tension culminating to an ugly end, it did drag a little in places but the concept itself was genius.

In some ways IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU was too literary for me as I prefer my thrillers to be rollercoaster rides of explosive twists and excitement. I guess a lot of this book missed the mark with me as I felt it was meant to be more of an exploration of sorts...into what, I'm not sure. But I can still appreciate part of the idea if not the entire concept.

Different but relatively enjoyable, IF I CAN'T HAVE YOU is the literary cross of "Fatal Attraction" and "Gone Girl" that is truly imaginative and compelling. Recommended though it may not be for all.

I would like to thank #CharlotteLevin, #Netgalley and #PanMacmillan for an ARC of #IfICantHaveYou in exchange for an honest review.

This review appears on my blog at https://stinathebookaholic.blogspot.com/.

[Rhian Eleri · Rating 5 out of 5]

So this is a story about obsession, grief and cruel manipulation. Constance has recently lost her mum to the big C (cancer, not covid) it wasn't pretty, and her young mind has been ruined by it.
When the sexy Dr Stevens begins to show interest, her whole world changes. They begin an exciting affair, Constance is in Love for the first time. He whispers sweetness to her ear, he's smitten... right?

This isn't your usual psychological thriller, it is a study of manipulation and gaslighting at its most cruel ways.

I really liked Constance and so many times I felt like reaching out to her. Bless her heart. The ending was satisfying though, and I can't give it any less than 5 stars.

This is a debut! But you would never know. The writing is flawless - some stunning sentences that showed an intelligent side to Constance that she was not credited for by her peers.

Parts of the story were so dark, these are what I enjoyed the most but at the same time made me angry with certain characters. This behaviour of manipulation happens around us every day, and it is captured so well here in Constances' story.

Those last scenes got my heart racing fast, it was part eerie , part comical , but mostly made me grin like a psycho. 😉