Breaking the Stress Cycle: 7 Steps to Greater Resilience, Happiness, and Peace of Mind

by Andrew Bernstein

Originally published as The Myth of Stress , this revolutionary 7-step program will help change how you think about stress and show you how to easily transform and eliminate stressful thoughts from your personal and professional life.

Where does stress come from? Financial worries? Health issues? Conflicts at work or at home? For more than half a century, we’ve been told that stress is caused by outside pressures and that the best we can do is to breathe, try to relax, and accept that life is hard.

According to Andrew Bernstein, this is all wrong. Spurred by the death of several family members when he was young, Bernstein began a quest to understand the real dynamics of stress and resilience, and discovered that stress doesn’t come from your circumstances—it comes from your thoughts about your circumstances. Consequently, the true antidote to stress is not exercise or physical relaxation, but uncovering these stress-producing thoughts and dismantling them. Bernstein created a simple 7 step-process that helps you do this faster, often with life-changing results.

In Breaking the Stress Cycle , Bernstein shares solutions for how to stop managing stress and break the cycle of ups and downs at its source. Guided worksheets and step-by-step coaching show you how to reframe your thinking on relationships, money, work-life balance, weight loss, discrimination, regret, grief, and more.

With compassion, intelligence, and humor, Breaking the Stress Cycle offers a complete re-education in the nature of stress, and can permanently change the way you handle challenges in all areas of your life.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Psychology

304 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2010

Reviews

[ꕥ Ange_Lives_To_Read ꕥ · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't finish this, not because I didn't like it but because I borrowed it from Hoopla and my time ran out, and now I'm more in the mood to read ridiculous Christmas romance novels.

But as far as I did get I think the book gave me a very useful premise. This is a very abbreviated version, but you'll get the idea: Say I'm stuck in traffic and getting all stressed out. I think to myself:

"There shouldn't be all this traffic!!"

This pisses me off and makes me feel powerless. To change things, I say the following to myself:

"IN REALITY, there SHOULD be all this traffic AT THIS TIME."

Then I try to convince myself all the reasons that this is true, e.g:

a.) This is a very popular shopping area
b.) It's Christmas on the weekend so of course there will be extra traffic
C.) I knew there would be all this traffic but i didn't allow extra time to pass through the area

This doesn't change anything but it illustrates reality and the fact that I could have dealt with it differently, thus I am not powerless, and my choices led me to the current situation which is as it should be.

[Rose Rosetree · Rating 5 out of 5]

Andrew Bernstein has written a self-help book of the first order.

First, he made an original contribution -- no small feat.

Second, his systematic presentation reveals his experience. Clearly, Andrew knows whereof he writes... and teaches.

Third, the technique has proven very useful for me.

Fourth, I found the style very refreshing. Seems to me, Mr. Bernstein wasn't trying to puff himself up, or sell-sell help. Rather he was aiming to help readers, genuinely help us.

And he gave-gave-gave exactly the appropriate help. Superbly!

[Elitsa Ivanova · Rating 5 out of 5]

Most people go through their entire lives without clearly understanding the relationship between thought and emotions, and without realizing that the source of all emotions (positive and negative) is internal. Nothing can make you frustrated. Nothing can make you depressed. Nothing can make you angry. For that matter, nothing can make you happy, either. All your emotions are produced from your mental interpretations.
...
Traffic is regularly listed as one of the top stressors of modern life. The next time you're in traffic jam, take a look around you at the typical behaviors taking place - people honking, cursing, and waving at each other with one finger. But keep looking and you'll see that some people appear to be only mildly frustrated, and others are listening to music and passing the time contentedly. Different people have widely different reactions to the same circumstances.

[Beth Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book totally changed the way that I view stress. It has been a couple of years since I read it and I could use another round of it but it has still changed my life. It helped me to make big decisions in my life and be able to cope with it.

[Thomas Geisner · Rating 5 out of 5]

Change the way you think of stress!

Well written with actionable techniques for changing the way you handle stress. Difficult topics are handled very eloquently. A must reed!

[Kevin · Rating 3 out of 5]

an interesting take on how to approach stress by flipping things around on its head and trying to justify why the stressors that you want gone actually make sense to be present. i’ll grant that this technique permits a unique perspective and progress, but i don’t get the feeling that this applies as much to more nuanced problems, and i wasn’t particularly convinced by the techniques in the last chapter abt loved ones passing away. it felt a little too abstract and all the justifications felt the same. but overall good to get a refreshed picture on stress during a tumultuous time of my life

[Kimberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are a few folks I'd recommend this to, but I should probably do a worksheet on those thoughts first. And then that one too. :-P

The book provides a good summary of what's discussed by many different people from different backgrounds--this is a nice, simplified but still effective approach to getting at the real root of what stresses and upsets us. Simple, sometimes not so easy, but always worth it. This book and the intro videos on the website are good for folks who aren't interested in going to a weekend seminar or don't have the time or funds to do so.

The author brings what Byron Katie did a little more forward with a simple process that helps you see the correlation between your thoughts, feelings, and behaviors/actions and also where you're arguing with reality. Arguing with reality rarely works, but we still do it--oh, we are imperfect creatures, we humans.

[Denise · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was fine as far as it went. I think the general ideas and principles were logical - but it was highly repetitive, and not , for me, in a productive way. And at times I thought it walked a thin line in trying to fit all human behavior and emotions into one model. For example: "The only way to experience regret is to believe that life could or should have happened differently, and .......this is always a mistaken notion". Really? Because I think there are other ways to view regret - personally sometimes I think life happened the way it needed to but I have regretted my behavior in the context of that life event.

I think, as with almost all self-help types of books, you can just take what will help you in your life from the book, and leave the rest for someone else.

[Eric C Cassidy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I thought this book was redundantly useful. It was a great listen and I utilized the PDF worksheets to assess my own internal mental stressors. I found a lot of his realizations are what I came to realize through my own Yoga, Meditation, Mushroom, and ayahuasca trips, but this worksheet, putting the thoughts on paper and then revisiting later, has really helped me move on from lingering sad or anxious thoughts.

[Donna · Rating 5 out of 5]

I ordered this book the moment my friend told me about it, because stress has been sabotaging my life, robbing me a sleep in interrupting my success at work. I'm shocked to learn how simple the solution is when I've been wondering my whole life if I'm crazy. Andrew provides a really simple methodology to reframe stress in my life rather than trying to reframe my life. This is going on my tools for life bookshelf.

[Martha · Rating 3 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book. I did a few of the exercises and felt that they were helpful. It was repetitive (and could have used a little more science), but it will be fun to use on occasion when stress creeps in.

[Melanie Emerson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The active insight worksheets are great. The repetitive parts of this book has prompted some to leave negative reviews, but it helped me to understand better how to use the techniques to challenge my thoughts. I will definitely be recommending this book to others.

[Carolyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

Purposely repetitive but interesting approach.

[Katy Lovejoy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Well I'm certainly stressed

[Read with Demi · Rating 3 out of 5]

The theory is helpful, and I'm interested in trying the ActivInsight worksheets, especially related to work. The book, as many TM self-help books are, is a tad repetitive.

[Will · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very insightful book... this is not your blow sunshine up your you know what and wow everything is better kind of book. It simply challenges you to look at life in different ways... when you are confronted by something stressful in your life the book gives you a way to look at it from a different perspective.

This is less of a "you are ok" book and more of a "why do you feel like that" book.

It looks and walks you through 13 different aspects of your life that could create stress in your mind... I say in your mind because it shows a lot of our stress in a way comes from our imaginations and perspective.

Yes there is some mumbo jumbo in there... I'm not saying this book is life changing at least not for me... but I've applied the ideas to a few things that popped up in the days while reading the book and I'm pleasantly surprised by the peace and serenity I found instead of anxiety. It's a refreshing change.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this to be a very helpful book for working through some of the 'chipmunk brain' that I get, especially in the middle of the night or when I really have to get something done that needs every neuron functioning at full speed. Bernstein deconstructs a fairly straightforward series of steps aimed at 'stretching out a cramp' in one's thinking that is causing stress. The steps are consistent. He works through several examples, steadily increasing the complexity of the problem. Along the way, he provides some of the background and science behind each step. He compliments the examples with several case studies. I listened to the audio book which was narrated by the author who also provides additional materials on his website 'mythofstress.com'

[Barbara Spurll · Rating 5 out of 5]

Ever had something on your mind, going around and around in your head like a hamster on a wheel, getting you nowhere? Perhaps The Myth of Stress can help. The author maintains that stress doesn't come from what happens, but from your thoughts about what happens.
If you have a healthy threshold for the truth and appreciate being in touch with reality, this book may help you. No easy answers, but then there never are. You’ll need to do worksheets to get to the truth about your stress in order to eliminate it. Conveniently, there’s a website where you can download them.
I enjoyed the book, especially the author’s attitude: Just roll up your sleeves and get to work; ANY stress can be eliminated.

[Ralph · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book really made me think about the conventional wisdom of stress. I was very interested in stress since it seems like it can be good or bad, depending on the amount and a person's reaction to it, so it seemed like a good subject for exploration and exposition. I was particularly interested in how the basis of stress's effect on people started with one man, Hans Selye, and how people are reconsidering what was once accepted as scientifically proven gospel, I think mainly that stress takes a physical toll on people. It has been quite a while since I read this book, so I think a reread is in order.

[Nathan Schwartz · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is so simple, and I really loved the de-stressing method described.

Many of us are, I’m sure, aware that it is not our situation, but our internal reaction to our situation that is stressful. Too much can be made of this, of course, but it is pretty true. This book gives a simple worksheet method for changing perspective on something that is stressing or angering you. It worked very well for me, though I found it a little more useful for anger than stress.

[Jaime · Rating 4 out of 5]

I agree with the main idea of this book: that stress doesn't come from outside sources but our reactions to those outside sources. I'm at the point where the author has asked me to complete a worksheet before continuing reading. This is where I usually just skip the worksheet and keep reading. We'll see.

[Leona · Rating 5 out of 5]

this book is life-changing! it take's work, but we can reframe currently stressful situations. if we stop at "what a tool that guy is" then we feel helpless. if we examine the reality of the situation and what's causing that reality, we can problem-solve. if meditation, deep-breathing and cognitive therapy haven't worked for you, try one of his worksheets!

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

While the book doesn't present any information I didn't know ("Attention! You create stress in your own mind; it is not created by outside forces."), but it does have a nice way of thinking and reasoning your way from arguing with the present. And there are free worksheets on the Web to practice and guide you through the thinking process described in the text. Anyway, it clicked with me.

[Carol Jones-Campbell · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is an interesting concept that I feel one could learn to apply in the concept of stress. We all have stress in some form at times in our lives, but to have tools to help us manage it is very fascinating. I have enjoyed his book, and to learn one way to learn how is a great possibility. I recommend this book.

[Angie · Rating 3 out of 5]

Interesting concept, I see the point & purpose, but....hmmmm. Don't have time to write a paper on it at the moment, but I take issue with some parts. Still, interesting thought process/change and worth thinking about.

[Dorothy Losa]

Intelligent and easy to incorporate into many situations...the best program I've read to get past life's challenges...has helped me re-think and overcome some serious 'issues'...thanks, Andrew Bernstein.

[Michelle]

I didn't finish it, not because it's not a good book, but because the repetitive nature of going through the worksheets is difficult to slog through on audio. I'd like to revisit the content in a physical book.

[Donna · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good ideas and useful techniques for managing stress. Parts were repetitive, but that helped reinforce the message. I listened to it on audiobook, was interesting to do that while hearing about road rage. Scores high in the self help category. You can always change how you feel about your life.

[Katherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

Stopped reading after the first chapter of practical exercises because I don't have time to go through and do them right now, but good basic core concept that rings true to me.

[Bill · Rating 3 out of 5]

I haven't tried this yet, but I will. The ideas seem sound and frankly, I pretty much know that the author is right...