Apprehend Me No Flowers

Mad for Mod Mystery #7

by Diane Vallere

Two abandoned bodies lead to a polarized community. Can an amateur sleuth bridge the divide and help catch a killer?

After a lawsuit puts interior decorator Madison Night’s business on indefinite hold, she needs a diversion. A walk in the park with police captain Tex Allen is anything but: they discover two corpses on the property. The bodies are unidentifiable, and inconvenient weather conditions have rendered the crime scene obsolete. With no leads, the case seems unsolvable.

With time on her hands, Madison joins a community volunteer group and discovers a clue that ties the victims to a local florist. A surprise court date catches her off guard, and her continuing involvement in the case may cost her more than she can afford to lose.

Can Madison dig up the evidence needed to catch a killer before the bloom fades on her business?

APPREHEND ME NO FLOWERS is the seventh thrilling cozy mystery in the humorous Mad for Mod series. If you like vintage fashion, edgy cozies, and police investigations, then you’ll love Madison Night’s latest adventure.

Genres: Mystery, Cozy Mystery, Cozy

277 pages, Kindle Edition

First published October 20, 2020

About the author

National bestselling author Diane Vallere writes mysteries where ordinary women stumble into extraordinary situations...and murder is never far behind. From the dawn of the Space Race to contemporary settings, her character-driven novels blend strong premises with humor and heart. A past president of Sisters in Crime Worldwide, Diane edited the Agatha Award–winning essay collection Promophobia: Taking the Mystery out of Promoting Crime Fiction. She studied art history at the College of William and Mary and spent years in luxury retail before trading fashion accessories for accessories to murder. She lives in Pennsylvania.

Reviews

[Diane Vallere]

MADISON NIGHT MYSTERY #7!

*************************
Chapter 1:
The flowers were a nice touch.

“Sorry I’m late,” Tex said, handing me a bouquet of daisies. The grocery store price tag was still affixed to the green butcher paper wrapped around their stems. “Garcia got called to his kids’ school, and until I find someone to cover the front desk, it’s all hands on deck.” He leaned over and kissed me. It seemed a risky move considering we’d been keeping our relationship quiet, but the woods surrounding the White Rock Lake picnic area were relatively private. Rocky, my caramel and white Shih Tzu, and his best friend, Wojo, a Shi Chi puppy, hopped around Tex’s feet, happy to have something new to sniff.

White Rock Lake was about four miles from Thelma Johnson’s house. Thelma Johnson’s house was technically my house, after paying the back taxes on the property a few years ago, but the circumstances surrounding the purchase made it that I’d never been able to view it as mine and not hers.

“It’s fine,” I said.

“How long have you been here?”

“We said six-thirty.” I poured spring water into a blue plastic tumbler and transferred the flowers from their wax paper to the makeshift vase.

Tex lowered himself onto the bench across from me. “I know what we said. That’s not what I asked. You’ve been waiting awhile, haven’t you?”

I handed him a sandwich marked with a piece of blue painter’s tape. We had similar taste in lunchmeat, but Tex had an affinity for vinegar that I lacked. He tore open a bag of potato chips while I uncovered a container of cole slaw and handed him a fork.

There was no point pretending I’d shown up minutes before Tex. His job, captain of the Lakewood Police Department, kept him busy, and short staffing made it worse. My job, owner of a mid-century modern decorating business, allowed me to work as much as I wanted, though a pending lawsuit forced me to shutter my doors indefinitely. Between our two extenuating circumstances, Tex’s were better. Hands down.

“Don’t worry about me. I spent the day organizing the attic. I had no idea how many treasures were left behind.” I pulled the lid off a container of salad and held it while Tex portioned out a serving onto his plate.

“Night, you know this is temporary, right?”

“Which part? Me having too much time on my hands, or you not having enough?” I gave Tex a pause in which to answer, though my question was largely rhetorical. It, like most of the difficulties with our relationship, was something to manage around. “It is what it is.”

Tex and I had planned to meet for a late picnic under the pavilion by White Rock Lake. The temperature was in the mid-eighties, and dark clouds overhead threatened rain at any moment. The combination kept most people in enclosed, air conditioned environments, which made this the perfect setting for us.

“I meant us. This.”

“We’re temporary? Thank you for clearing that up. Nothing like going into a relationship with the expectation that the end is in sight.”

“You know that’s not what I meant. It’s not an easy time to be a cop and I don’t want any anti-police sentiment to rub off on you.”

​“We’ve been through this before. I told you, I understand. The lawsuit isn’t exactly making me look good either. I’d prefer to keep you from that.”

We lapsed into silence while we took turns passing Tupperware of food back and forth. It’s possible we were thinking the same thing: if our relationship were destined to crash and burn, it was better that we’d be the only two to deal with the fallout.

It wasn’t my most optimistic thought, but it was about a fifty-percent probability.

“How’s Garcia handling desk duty?”

“He appears to be taking it in stride. It’s a shame things went down for him like they did, but rules are rules.”

Officer Garcia was a rookie cop who was responsible for the most recent blight on the Lakewood Police Department’s public record. Having fulfilled six months of desk duty, he’d been sent on patrol with a tenured officer who had trouble holding on to a partner. On Garcia’s first night in the field, while managing a domestic dispute, his gun discharged, accidentally shooting the resident’s coffee table. Turns out nothing resolves a marital spat quite like a united front against the police. Charges were pressed, an investigation ensued, and Garcia was back behind the front desk, where the most damage he could do was burn the coffee.

Local politics had put the police departments under scrutiny, and Tex, who was better at finding answers than covering up problems, was soon called out for rising crime rates and low police retention. Budgetary decisions from the city reallocated money from Lakewood to Highland Park, the nearby affluent neighborhood where the property taxes demanded protection.

As higher paying positions opened in the neighboring police departments, Tex had no choice but to support the transfer requests of his officers who’d been capped at part-time work in his precinct. Open jobs led to budgetary excess, which led to budget cuts, which led to Tex working sixty-hour weeks.

When Tex and I first started dating, we both tried not to talk about work. For two people whose lives had been defined by our careers, a sudden interest in network TV seemed a poor excuse for common ground. At first, it was uncomfortable sharing my deepest fears about profit margin and now the lawsuit, but Tex proved to be a nonjudgmental listener with a solid counterpoint for every argument and concrete advisor for every dilemma. Fortunately for him, he already knew I was comfortable talking about his daily life.

“What about your meeting?” I asked.

​“Rescheduled.”

Tex and I were at opposite ends of the problems-with-work situation. The lawsuit temporarily shut down Mad for Mod and left me with too much time on my hands. Tex, on the other hand, was stretched thin. We’d spent last month brainstorming fundraisers, and while the idea of a chili cookoff sounded amusing, it would barely put a dent in the needs of the local police force. Tex figured go big or go home, and reached out to local businessmen with deep pockets. He’d scored a meeting with Winston Burr, a bigshot in the news and publishing industry who had a reputation for giving back to the community.

“How about you?” Tex asked. “Any progress?”

“I defrosted the freezer.”

“So nothing new on the lawsuit?”

“Nothing new on the lawsuit. Nothing new anywhere. I’m not used to having so much free time, and it’s starting to get to me. I thought tomorrow I might get the service manual out of my glovebox and learn how to do an oil change on the Alfa Romeo.”

Tex glanced at my vintage blue and green plaid polyester dress. “You need to borrow an old T-shirt and jeans?”

“I found a box of vintage coveralls in the attic. Apparently Thelma Johnson’s first husband worked in an airplane parts factory.”

Tex grinned. “Your project is already paying off.”

“Lemons, lemonade.”

We finished our picnic and packed up the trash. I pulled the daisies out of the makeshift vase and rewrapped the stems. These were fresh and would remain in bloom for a few days if nurtured. “How about we go for a walk?” Tex asked.

“Sure,” I said. “Can you put the picnic basket and the flowers in the Jeep? I’ll toss the trash.”

I looped the two dog leashes over my wrist and carried the trash to the closest bin. An unpleasant, pungent smell hit me as I approached. I glanced around for another trash can, but the next closest was across the park and even from a distance, I could tell it was overflowing. I pulled the neckline of my dress up over my nose and mouth and pulled off the lid.

Inside the bin was a black plastic garbage bag. The top had been knotted, but the plastic had split open. I leaned closer, and quickly looked away. Inside the plastic was the one thing I’d hoped to never see again.

A dead body.

**********************

[Janet Graham]

Midnight Blue Roses and Madison Night
This is a wonderful addition to the Madison Night story. While this episode puts the period at the end of several sentences, it opens the door for so much more. The mystery was excellent, as always. The reader will never guess the outcome even though all of the clues were there. This book stands alone well, but the fun is in the entire series experience. I received this ARC book for free from the author and this is my honest review.

[Linda]

I really do enjoy this series and that I always watch the Doris Day movie that it’s titled after. While the mystery was good sometimes I feel like things get confusing and hard to keep track of. Hope to see Mad for Mod back to business as usual.

[Richard]

For the latest installment in Diane Vallere’s mid-century modern cozy murder mystery series featuring the Doris Day-loving Madison Night, she doesn’t go easy on the characters. While some series might stay static and repeat the same formula every book, Vallere does not do that here. The characters continue to move forward in their lives and evolve each time and with this book in particular, the author presents them with some serious obstacles. She gives them setbacks, challenges, and new beginnings that very much shakes up the status quo.

Now that Madison has started to settle down with Tex - the local sheriff, we get a return visit from Hudson, the third person in Madison’s former love triangle. Now that Madison is in a good place with her business and become a hub for other local start entrepreneurs, she gets sued and is in danger of losing her business. Now that she is somewhat comfortable around former detective Donna “Nasty” Nast, Nasty drops a couple bombshells on Madison. And finally, now that she has agreed to keep a low profile in her relationship with Tex, they find a couple of dead bodies while together and it causes problems for old friends and new acquaintances.

While relaxing with Tex at a local park, they find a decomposing body in a trashcan and some out-of-place blue flower petals. This leads Madison to some local flower shops, a cemetery and its’ cash-strapped owner, the local land mogul and his possibly jealous wife and some other people new to her orbit. While Tex works the case through normal law enforcement channels, Madison conducts her own unofficial investigation. There is also some time for sub-sub plots aside from the murder, the love triangle and the lawsuit. We get to hear a bit more about the people who work with Madison in her shop and as her client, and as her unpaid private investigator and sounding board. Plus there are a few comments about the real life Doris Day, since this is the first book in the series to come out since Doris Day’s recent passing.

How Madison digs into the mystery and solves it, and how these other challenges are resolved in the end, feels like a seismic shift in the lives of these characters. It will be quite interesting to see where things go in the future because by the end of this book, there were a whole bunch of left turns and sudden stops but it was a heck of trip getting to the end.

(In exchange for an advanced reading copy, I am giving this honest opinion about the book.)

[Sally]

If you want to be immersed in vintage, this is the book for you. I always feel like I’m in a Doris Day movie when I read a Madison Night book, and it’s so much fun.

Madison Night is a mature woman. Well, her behavior isn’t always necessarily mature, but she’s 51 years old so she’s seen life and trouble and success and failure, which makes her a very interesting character, indeed. Her love of all things vintage – especially Doris Day – is no secret, and she’s made a successful career out of mid-century modern interior decorating. She lives and breathes vintage. Her clothes, accessories, apartment, furnishings, everything fits into her theme. It’s her identify, who she is, and very important to her.

But this time around she’s run into some business trouble. There is a pending lawsuit that has caused her to temporarily shut down her business. Might be resolved soon, might be a while, might close her down forever. She’s trying to follow the rules and stay out of more trouble, but if you know Madison at all from previous books you know that won’t be easy. She’s quirky, independent, determined, and trouble sticks to her like glue.

She and police chief boyfriend Tex Allen are on a picnic. They haven’t really announced their relationship to the world so it’s supposed to be a low-key, out-of-sight picnic. So much for that plan – Madison finds a body in a dumpster and the story takes off. Action, danger, twists and turns, humor. It’s all there, and Madison goes through it all dressed perfectly as if it was the 1950s.

It’s a great story, you will be surprised at who did it, love the relationship between Madison and Tex and wonder what’s next, and just have an all-around good time. Thanks to author Diane Vallere for an advance copy of Apprehend Me No Flowers in exchange for an honest review. All opinions are my own. I thoroughly enjoyed it and recommend it without hesitation.

[Cathy Cole]

Apprehend Me No Flowers lacks the punch and sparkle of previous books in this series that I love, but it's still an enjoyable read. It introduces a new character, Imogene, the new receptionist (and wannabe mystery writer) at the police station, and I hope to see more of her.

With Madison's interior decorating business Mad for Mod out of commission, I did find that I missed the creativity it always brings to the series, even though mid-century modern furnishings aren't my favorite. Vallere has a knack for writing about this style that draws me right in-- reminding me of some of the furniture my mother had as well as the movies of Madison Night's hero Doris Day.

One thing that Apprehend Me No Flowers used to very good effect is how so many police stations are fighting to deal with big budget cuts while all the rich folk are still demanding them to be at their beck and call. Some of the difficulties Allen's station was experiencing kept me from putting all my little grey cells to work on the identity of the killer, and that's a good thing.

This seventh book in the Madison Night series may not have the pizzazz of previous entries, but that doesn't keep me from looking forward to book number eight. I love the character of Madison Night, and I think many of you will, too. In fact, if you haven't tried this series, start with the first book, Pillow Stalk, so you don't miss a thing in character development. Don't let the covers mislead you: Madison Night isn't all froth and fun; she can be a bit edgy, too. There's a lot more to the series that meets the eye. Give it a try and find out for yourself.

[Barbara]

This was as enjoyable as the other Mad For Mod books. But I think Ms. Vallere needs a better editor. I really try not to let let little inconsistencies bother me but some totally take me out of the story. One minor one was when Madison was saying that today’s millennials don’t know Doris Day’s movies like “Pillow Stalk” (page 113). Pillow Stalk is the name of a Madison Night novel (and a pending movie within this series about her first case). Pillow Talk is the Doris Day movie. But here’s one I really want an answer to. On page 169 it says that Yasmín Garcia is a 23 year old mother of two. On page 231 it describes a picture of her with her eight and ten year old sons. Was she really supposed to have had a baby at age 13? Not that it doesn’t happen (I’m a former OB nurse so I know). But did the author really want something that extreme? Oh yeah, and Madison added a “spring” of fresh thyme to her soup 🤣.

[Eileen]

Apprehend Me No Flowers by Diane Vallere is book seven in her humorous Madison Night Mystery series. Amateur sleuth and interior decorator Madison Night has hit a wall; her business is on indefinite hold because of a lawsuit and she needs a diversion, or two. A walk in the park with police captain Tex Allen should be a nice, romantic evening, but not for these two; they discover two dead bodies on the park property. The bodies had been dead awhile and are unidentifiable, plus rain has washed away any clues. With no leads, the case seems unsolvable. With too much time on her hands and over-thinking the case, Madison accidently discovers a clue that ties the victims to a local florist. When her design studio is vandalized, Madison ends up wondering if the two crimes are connected. Even her involvement in this case could cause her to lose the lawsuit and maybe more. Madison needs to pull together the evidence needed to catch a killer before she loses her business.

I genuinely enjoyed reading this book and had trouble putting this book down. The story line was riveting, edgy and kept my attention to the very end. Madison was truly grieving the death of her idol, Doris Day, which influenced part of this story. Ms. Vallere does an excellent job keeping her readers on their toes as they read her stories. She had lots of red herrings causing me to wrongly guess the killer was and boy was I surprised when I found out. I highly recommend Apprehend Me No Flowers to other readers.

I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book.

[Susan]

Apprehend Me No Flowers is another entertaining installment in Vallere's Madison Night cozy mystery series. I love this series from Vallere, and I was excited to read this new installment which most certainly did not disappoint. Madison is trying to put on a brave face when her business, Mad for Mod, is threatened. Trying to enjoy a cozy moment with Tex, her secret boyfriend, the two of them discover a dead body. Not able to work and needing something to focus on, Madison decides to help Tex with his investigation.

Vallere does a great job at setting up some great conflict for Madison in this story. Madison is very busy in this book trying to save her business, trying to figure out her relationship with Tex, working with Nasty, and trying to solve a murder. Vallere does a great job at forcing Madison to face some difficult choices as well as forcing her to decide what is important to her. I also liked the Madison/Nasty dynamic in this book, and I hope to see more of that in the future. Overall Apprehend Me No Flowers proved to be an entertaining read that keeps the reader's attention from the very beginning and never lets go. I would definitely recommend this book if you are looking for a great read to keep you entertained. I look forward to reading Madison's next adventure.

Received a copy of Apprehend Me No Flowers from the author in exchange for my honest review.

[Barbara Hackel]

Madison is back, and she may be beaten, but she's not down. A terrible lawsuit has shuttered her business and she finds herself with too much time and a lack of focus. So a picnic with Tex and the dogs at the lake was a pleasant diversion from boredom. Unfortunately, putting the garbage in the trash-can exposed a body. And suddenly Madison is involved in another murder case.

It's been awhile between books, and Madison hasn't slowed down a bit. She has endless energy and determination. This translates to: Madison sure gets around! It was fun to read about all her connections and how they in turn all connected to the murders. Good pacing, great characters, and red herrings combine to make a terrific story.

I love Madison and her Doris Day "fetish" and the mid-century modern lifestyle. From details of her clothes and their previous owners to items in her shop, it's a pleasant education of a distinctive era. I love all the Madison books, and this one is a fun, fantastic addition to the series! What next??

[Kelly]

This is the first book that I have read in the Madison Night series and I loved it! I have been hearing about this series and the Doris Day connection. Once the story started I wanted to keep reading to the end. Madison is at loose ends since she is involved in a lawsuit and is unable to work at the moment. When she finds a body at the park after a picnic dinner with her boyfriend she can't help but look into things. Her boyfriend does not want her involved in it, but she can't help herself. There were plenty of red herrings in the story and the mystery and the characters were intriguing. I can't wait to start this series from the beginning and get to know Madison better.

I received a complimentary copy of this ebook from the author. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.

[Kat]

This is one of those cozey murder mystery that will blow you away. The storey line grabs your attention from the very first page and keeps you enthralled Madison Night's lates drama with her belligerent and conniving competitor,brings caos into her companions door when it affects the Captain's latest murder case .The caracters surrounding this mystery are as vibrant as ever and challenging in so many ways. The raw emotion that comes from the pages, intreage at ever turn, as well as the relationships at risk Ms.Vallere has a unique and high caliber writing style that brings readers back again and again and "Apprehend Me No Flowers"shows why ,aquier a copy and start enjoying this spellbinding cozey today. 😮🤔🙄🤔🙄☺Kat

[Debbi]

I enjoy reading the Madison Night series and this 7th book in the series didn’t disappoint. Madison is dealing with a lawsuit against Mad For Mod and happens to be with Tex when they find a dead body in the trash container at the park. She could end up losing her livelihood and possibly her love interest, Tex, if she doesn’t stay away from both. However, that’s a very tough thing for Madison to do if you’ve read any of her other books. Diane Vallere does a great job of writing a cozy mystery that keeps you involved and wondering about the plot twists. You don't want to stop reading because you want to see what's going to happen next.

[Aighmi*]

Madison Night is back! This is another wonderful cozy mystery from Diane Vallere. These are funny, touching, interesting, well-written novels. In this one Madison Night's character and relationships have continued to evolve as she faces another murder mystery. She is insightful, curious, and very entertaining. The cast of characters is full of believable people with whom I sympathize and relate. Definitely a great addition to a terrific series!

[Ashley Kelley]

A little disappointing but overall a good read

I was expecting more zing in Texas and Maddie's relationship now that they are finally together but instead its almost like an inconvenience to both of them and that felt weird after the tension and build up from the previous books. Almost felt forced not as smooth as the other plots. But still I enjoyed the journey and hope to see more development as the series continues.

[Kristine]

This is a fantastic addition to this series, I could not put the book down. The author has created a story with compelling characters, a captivating storyline, and a mystery that kept me guessing. It’s always intriguing to see the character growth and development in each new story. I look forward to reading what happens next.

[Sandy]

A cozy picnic in the park ends with the discovery of a dead body in the trash. This is a great addition to the series. The powerfully written story grabs you immediately and doesn’t let go. The writing is very skillful, with a multi-layered plot and believable, well-developed characters. Highly recommended! I received this book free and chose to make a voluntary, unbiased review.

[Nadine]

This is a must read for cozy-mystery-lovers!

I love Vallere’s writing style, humorous in a subtle way. And Madison is one of my favorite book characters, she’s such fun with her Doris Day style. The mystery was twisty, just as I like them! Just the right book to escape with!

[Barbara]

I am interested to see where Madison Night goes in the future. Apprehend Me No Flowers seemed to have Madison doing some soul searching as to where she is headed in the future with her business and personal life. I am excited to see what is in store for her. A really good read.

[Katherine]

Another enjoyable addition to the series. I especially enjoy the humour, and the descriptions of Madison’s vintage outfits.

[Mark Baker]

It’s May 2019, and Madison is dealing with a lot. Not only has her idol, Doris Day, recently died, but her business is closed while she deals with a lawsuit. However, a picnic dinner with her boyfriend, police captain Tex Allen, provides distraction, and not in a good way. Madison finds a dead body stuffed in a trash can; meanwhile, hikers find another on the other side of the park. Can Madison figure out what is going on? Or will she cause more harm than good?

Since Doris Day has been such a large part of the DNA of the series (in a completely fictional sense), I appreciated that this book took the time to address how her death was impacting Madison. It’s part of her growth in this book, which I enjoyed. I also appreciated the plot, which includes several different things and kept me entertained until the logical climax. Unfortunately, I did feel there were a couple of editing snafus, but they were minor overall. There is a recurring character who continues to surprise me, and that happened here again as well. I very much want to see where that relationship is going. All told, this is another winner that will please series fans.

Read my full review at Carstairs Considers.

[Meredith H]

3.5 stars, rounded up

I have to say, that now that Madison has chosen Tex and cut Hudon loose, the story was a little more interesting.

Beginning with a clandestine picnic date with Tex in a local park, Madison finds a body in a garbage pail and we’re off. Madison struggles with a number of issues in this book: steering clear of Tex and the investigation so she doesnt blow the cover on their relationship; coping with the lawsuit over finishing another designer's job for a client; doubting her abilility to have a life she wants. Her desire to work, be useful, be a friend, be a girlfriend, leaves her struggling with feeling of inadequacy because she can't seem to do any of those things.

While I didn't enjoy wishy-washy Madison, I did enjoy this mystery - probably the most realistic one yet (in that Madison isn't ACTUALLY involved but her circles coincidentally bring her clues that she deftly connects in her own way). And the ending .... oh Madison and Tex are apparently ON. Lol

[Marisa]

This was the saddest book of the series! Madisons personal life may be coming up roses but her business certainly isn’t! The ending took me completely by surprise in more ways than one. I can’t wait to see where Madison ends up in the next book, and I’m happy that her romantic future is finally settled.

[Paula]

Madison's life gets upended with a double homicide, a lawsuit, break-in, and more. This series is comfort food in book form.

[Christine]

4.25⭐

[Laura Anne]

I was disappointed there wasn't interior decorating (that and the clothes give this series its spark), but Madison has closed her business. Fortunately (or unfortunately), Madison is always stumbling over a dead body and has mystery to keep her occupied.

[Loretta K. Allen]

Great series

Love this series and this one doesn’t not disappoint
Interesting characters and a rich plot
Can’t wait to read the next book

[David R Zenz and Julie Zenz]

Another good one

I keep reading this series. I like the characters and love the dog.
It's kind of strange because the murders are almost lost in all the things that are going on.