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The Guyde: Science-Sourced Self-Improvement and Dating Advice for the 21st Century
The Guyde is the most comprehensive men's dating and self-improvement book ever written, designed to be everything you need to transform into the most confident version of yourself. There are no lines or routines; instead you'll find exercises and information to improve your self-esteem, social skills, and other elements integral to social success. Everything in these pages is backed with scientific evidence, and when I say scientific evidence, I mean cited peer-reviewed literature, not pop evolutionary psychology or the "law of attraction." You won't be reading anecdotes telling you about my "successes" or opinions; you'll be learning the practical steps necessary for the specific changes you want to manifest in your life.
The Guyde is divided into four sections:
Part I - Psychology
Part I focuses on the internal elements of social interaction. How do you overcome your toxic self-limiting beliefs that keep you from being authentic with people? How do you overcome your fears? How can you stay motivated to make your changes? You will learn clinically effective approaches to all of these and more.
Part II - Social Skills
For many men, the biggest barrier between themselves and social success is a lack of social skills and awareness. In Part II, you'll learn how to shore up this weakness. You will learn how to listen, banter, share stories, and assert yourself with others. You'll learn how to improve your body language and vocal tonality to project confidence and charisma.
Part III - Physical Attractiveness
Part III will teach you how to improve your physical features. The first two chapters detail the most clinically effective approaches to diet and exercise. We'll also discuss the basics of fashion and how to dress to impress. Master Part III, and when you go out, you will turn heads.
Part IV - Dating
The final portion of The Guyde deals with dating, in this version, in a heterosexual male context. You'll learn the best places to meet potential dates, how to flirt, and how to ask someone out. You'll learn how to plan brag-worthy romantic evenings and how to address problems like rude cancellations and "ghosting." You'll learn how to interact physically while being sensitive to your date's wishes, as well as how to perform better in bed. You'll learn why relationships fail and how to avoid the pitfalls most couples fall into, and you'll come to understand a bit about what it's like to date from a woman's perspective, including many of the cultural factors they face that most men don't understand.
The Guyde is a labor of love. I wrote it to be everything I wish I'd known when I was younger, the sorts of things that turned my life around for the better. I hope it does the same for you.
The Guyde is divided into four sections:
Part I - Psychology
Part I focuses on the internal elements of social interaction. How do you overcome your toxic self-limiting beliefs that keep you from being authentic with people? How do you overcome your fears? How can you stay motivated to make your changes? You will learn clinically effective approaches to all of these and more.
Part II - Social Skills
For many men, the biggest barrier between themselves and social success is a lack of social skills and awareness. In Part II, you'll learn how to shore up this weakness. You will learn how to listen, banter, share stories, and assert yourself with others. You'll learn how to improve your body language and vocal tonality to project confidence and charisma.
Part III - Physical Attractiveness
Part III will teach you how to improve your physical features. The first two chapters detail the most clinically effective approaches to diet and exercise. We'll also discuss the basics of fashion and how to dress to impress. Master Part III, and when you go out, you will turn heads.
Part IV - Dating
The final portion of The Guyde deals with dating, in this version, in a heterosexual male context. You'll learn the best places to meet potential dates, how to flirt, and how to ask someone out. You'll learn how to plan brag-worthy romantic evenings and how to address problems like rude cancellations and "ghosting." You'll learn how to interact physically while being sensitive to your date's wishes, as well as how to perform better in bed. You'll learn why relationships fail and how to avoid the pitfalls most couples fall into, and you'll come to understand a bit about what it's like to date from a woman's perspective, including many of the cultural factors they face that most men don't understand.
The Guyde is a labor of love. I wrote it to be everything I wish I'd known when I was younger, the sorts of things that turned my life around for the better. I hope it does the same for you.
- GenresNonfiction
396 pages, Kindle Edition
Published July 1, 2020
21 people are currently reading
86 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews
November 20, 2018
Three stars makes it sound as if this is a mediocre book. It isn't.
Instead I think it's either a very good book, or a entirely useless book depending on who you are and what you want. So I compromised by giving it 3 stars, but it's really a 2 star or 4 star depending on who you are and what you want.
The good stuff first:
There's a lot of very misogynist deeply problematic dating-advice out there for men. People on the liberal egalitarian end of the political spectrum are fond of pointing out all the ways this advice is horrible; but too seldom we offer any constructive alternative. It doesn't really help anyone to say "don't do that" -- without also giving practical advice for what to do. The Guyde attempts to fill this void, and for a subset of men, I think it succeeds pretty well.
If you're young, American, inexperienced and want to be part of "dating culture" then I would recommend this book. It gives a lot of practical advice for how this scene works, and how to increase your success-ratio. For this demographic my only substantial critique is that I think the book assumes a level of "success" that few of the men inclined to read this book will have. (or put differently: a man who has as much or as easy success as what the book presents as "normal" will probably feel no need for reading this book in the first place)
The biggest negative of the book, from my perspective, is that reading it, it sometimes feels as if this scene is the only way to find partners. It's not. The book gives minimal lip service to the idea that you *could* find partners in ways different from, in effect, hitting on strangers, but it never really goes into that in any detail, and most of the practical advice given seems only applicable if you are, in fact, hitting on a stranger. (or near-stranger)
The book also tries to cover a bit too large a part of life. It should (I think) be a bit tighter focused at the core topic and cut superfluous details about peripheral things. As an example, it's good advice to recommend working out since that'll tend to improve both your physical appearance and your confidence.
But a book about dating doesn't, have to get into how many grams of which protein-supplement your body absorbs per hour, or whether sets of 15 with a medium weight or sets of 5 with a heavy weight are superior for building strength; these are details better left to a book specifically about training and of little relevance here. There's no such thing as a guy who struggles with finding a partner because he's taking a slightly sub-optimal protein-supplement, or because he does sets of 5 heavy weights instead of 15 medium weights! (on a positive side the book DOES recommend people interested in the finer details about working out should go read a book specifically about that)
The short version:
If you suck at starting romances and/or have sex with strangers or near-strangers; and you'd like to get better at it by, in essence, playing classical stereotypical masculinity better; you'll probably like this book. If that's not you, you'll probably find this book unhelpful.
Instead I think it's either a very good book, or a entirely useless book depending on who you are and what you want. So I compromised by giving it 3 stars, but it's really a 2 star or 4 star depending on who you are and what you want.
The good stuff first:
There's a lot of very misogynist deeply problematic dating-advice out there for men. People on the liberal egalitarian end of the political spectrum are fond of pointing out all the ways this advice is horrible; but too seldom we offer any constructive alternative. It doesn't really help anyone to say "don't do that" -- without also giving practical advice for what to do. The Guyde attempts to fill this void, and for a subset of men, I think it succeeds pretty well.
If you're young, American, inexperienced and want to be part of "dating culture" then I would recommend this book. It gives a lot of practical advice for how this scene works, and how to increase your success-ratio. For this demographic my only substantial critique is that I think the book assumes a level of "success" that few of the men inclined to read this book will have. (or put differently: a man who has as much or as easy success as what the book presents as "normal" will probably feel no need for reading this book in the first place)
The biggest negative of the book, from my perspective, is that reading it, it sometimes feels as if this scene is the only way to find partners. It's not. The book gives minimal lip service to the idea that you *could* find partners in ways different from, in effect, hitting on strangers, but it never really goes into that in any detail, and most of the practical advice given seems only applicable if you are, in fact, hitting on a stranger. (or near-stranger)
The book also tries to cover a bit too large a part of life. It should (I think) be a bit tighter focused at the core topic and cut superfluous details about peripheral things. As an example, it's good advice to recommend working out since that'll tend to improve both your physical appearance and your confidence.
But a book about dating doesn't, have to get into how many grams of which protein-supplement your body absorbs per hour, or whether sets of 15 with a medium weight or sets of 5 with a heavy weight are superior for building strength; these are details better left to a book specifically about training and of little relevance here. There's no such thing as a guy who struggles with finding a partner because he's taking a slightly sub-optimal protein-supplement, or because he does sets of 5 heavy weights instead of 15 medium weights! (on a positive side the book DOES recommend people interested in the finer details about working out should go read a book specifically about that)
The short version:
If you suck at starting romances and/or have sex with strangers or near-strangers; and you'd like to get better at it by, in essence, playing classical stereotypical masculinity better; you'll probably like this book. If that's not you, you'll probably find this book unhelpful.
February 16, 2022
This is not a self-help book; this is a guide with exercises and all.
The Guyde is not a book to read once and abandon on some corner. No, this is for you to read again and again. First I read it from beginning to end, doing the exercises labeled as "immediate" at each chapter, I focused on the chapters where I had more weakness.
Most self-help books make you feel good and determined for a while, but nothing changes long-term, with Guyde's book my life has improved, and it will continue doing so.
Thank you Mr. Guyde.
The Guyde is not a book to read once and abandon on some corner. No, this is for you to read again and again. First I read it from beginning to end, doing the exercises labeled as "immediate" at each chapter, I focused on the chapters where I had more weakness.
Most self-help books make you feel good and determined for a while, but nothing changes long-term, with Guyde's book my life has improved, and it will continue doing so.
Thank you Mr. Guyde.
January 22, 2023
This is a good book about dating advice but an even better book about self-improvement. The best part is that it provides you with things to do to improve and become more attractive and get your life together.
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I also wanted to comment on one of the 1-star reviews, but Goodreads didn't allow it (saying there was a link when there was none).
"If you want to dedicate your life to pleasing women." The book has a lot about self-improvement, which is supposed to serve you while making you a better partner.
"I have read the full book, and it's just crazy how much people are willing to work just to get casual partners." People are willing to work because some of us lack stuff like social skills, especially those who aren't neurotypical. Others don't just want a random partner, we want to be with someone outstanding, and that rarely happens without effort (or a lot of luck). It's worth the effort, especially when it includes benefits beyond dating (some of the advice here helped me work on my social anxiety).
"Just focus on doing things that matter and making the world a better place." Hard to do that when you are struggling with important areas of life.
"I read it long back, and now I realize at least in the east we don't have to go through this because the girls mostly listen to their parents rather than reinventing the wheel, and you can have an arranged marriage." This makes me think that you are not this book's target audience; I'm curious why you read it. Good that arranged marriage worked for you, but it doesn't work for everybody. Some parents make mistakes or have different outlooks/expectations compared to their sons and daughters. I would hate to date 90% of the women my parents like for me.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
I also wanted to comment on one of the 1-star reviews, but Goodreads didn't allow it (saying there was a link when there was none).
"If you want to dedicate your life to pleasing women." The book has a lot about self-improvement, which is supposed to serve you while making you a better partner.
"I have read the full book, and it's just crazy how much people are willing to work just to get casual partners." People are willing to work because some of us lack stuff like social skills, especially those who aren't neurotypical. Others don't just want a random partner, we want to be with someone outstanding, and that rarely happens without effort (or a lot of luck). It's worth the effort, especially when it includes benefits beyond dating (some of the advice here helped me work on my social anxiety).
"Just focus on doing things that matter and making the world a better place." Hard to do that when you are struggling with important areas of life.
"I read it long back, and now I realize at least in the east we don't have to go through this because the girls mostly listen to their parents rather than reinventing the wheel, and you can have an arranged marriage." This makes me think that you are not this book's target audience; I'm curious why you read it. Good that arranged marriage worked for you, but it doesn't work for everybody. Some parents make mistakes or have different outlooks/expectations compared to their sons and daughters. I would hate to date 90% of the women my parents like for me.
October 21, 2021
This book is much better than other similar books about this subject. It has its pros and cons, but I think the key is to only use the tips/suggestions that relate to you.
The best lesson (that I liked) from this book is about making a list of fears, rating them from 1 to 10, and using "exposure therapy" to overcome these fears.
A good quote from the book, although it doesn't really talk too much about having an interesting life:
"Attractiveness isn't something you can work to have; it's something you develop as a side effect of living an interesting life."
It feels like the book's author didn't have a target audience in mind. He's trying to cover almost every aspect of life and giving little and basic details about them.
I understand that habits are important, and psychology overall, but (for example) if I want to learn about habits, I'll read a book about habits.
The book gives you the feeling that it's a mix of information from other books (the so-called research), but it doesn't really bring new value to the reader.
The use of lousy, poorly conducted studies, to make the book more credible is very irritating and misguiding.
Referencing studies from 1990 about impression and dressing seems to be wrong. Also, saying that 67% of women with fat sisters became fat is also kind of wrong or that, in groups, one man can influence the other 4 men. The studies depend on the number of participants, culture/country, situation, and many other aspects. Generalizing based on a study with a few hundred participants with fragile 67% results is wrong. There are many examples like this.
The best lesson (that I liked) from this book is about making a list of fears, rating them from 1 to 10, and using "exposure therapy" to overcome these fears.
A good quote from the book, although it doesn't really talk too much about having an interesting life:
"Attractiveness isn't something you can work to have; it's something you develop as a side effect of living an interesting life."
It feels like the book's author didn't have a target audience in mind. He's trying to cover almost every aspect of life and giving little and basic details about them.
I understand that habits are important, and psychology overall, but (for example) if I want to learn about habits, I'll read a book about habits.
The book gives you the feeling that it's a mix of information from other books (the so-called research), but it doesn't really bring new value to the reader.
The use of lousy, poorly conducted studies, to make the book more credible is very irritating and misguiding.
Referencing studies from 1990 about impression and dressing seems to be wrong. Also, saying that 67% of women with fat sisters became fat is also kind of wrong or that, in groups, one man can influence the other 4 men. The studies depend on the number of participants, culture/country, situation, and many other aspects. Generalizing based on a study with a few hundred participants with fragile 67% results is wrong. There are many examples like this.
Displaying 1 - 4 of 4 reviews