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Curse Bound #1
Feel My Pain
Listening length: 11 hours and 26 minutes
Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”
Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”
Two years ago, the Rabid Hyenas MC ripped Zane apart like a pack of starving wolves. But he’s not only a survivor, he took revenge that same night.
Turns out, one of the bikers is still alive, and as long as that’s the case, Zane will not know peace. Especially since Roach is the dirtbag who caused all the mayhem in the first place.
When an act of revenge meant to close that chapter of Zane’s life takes a shocking turn, all hell breaks loose.
Roach’s pain is his.
When Roach bleeds, he does.
When Zane suffers, Roach screams.
So until Zane can figure out how to lift the curse and kill Roach, he’s stuck caring for the dumbass who drinks too much, works like a dog, and hasn’t moved on an inch since he lost his motorcycle club.
But Roach has other plans for the man twisting his miserable life around. For him, Zane is hope, lust, and love combined, so Roach will gladly stay bound to him forever.
Even if it kills them.
Dirty, dark, and delicious, “Feel My Pain” is a gritty M/M dark romance novel with magical elements and a happy ending. Prepare for violence, intense jealousy, and scorching hot, emotional, explicit scenes.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
Themes: Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, magical bond, revenge, poverty, disability, small town, vulnerability, versatile lovers
Length: ~110,000 words (Standalone novel)
WARNING: This story contains scenes of violence, offensive language and morally ambiguous characters as well as sensitive topics of child abuse, addiction, and suicide
Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”
Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”
Two years ago, the Rabid Hyenas MC ripped Zane apart like a pack of starving wolves. But he’s not only a survivor, he took revenge that same night.
Turns out, one of the bikers is still alive, and as long as that’s the case, Zane will not know peace. Especially since Roach is the dirtbag who caused all the mayhem in the first place.
When an act of revenge meant to close that chapter of Zane’s life takes a shocking turn, all hell breaks loose.
Roach’s pain is his.
When Roach bleeds, he does.
When Zane suffers, Roach screams.
So until Zane can figure out how to lift the curse and kill Roach, he’s stuck caring for the dumbass who drinks too much, works like a dog, and hasn’t moved on an inch since he lost his motorcycle club.
But Roach has other plans for the man twisting his miserable life around. For him, Zane is hope, lust, and love combined, so Roach will gladly stay bound to him forever.
Even if it kills them.
Dirty, dark, and delicious, “Feel My Pain” is a gritty M/M dark romance novel with magical elements and a happy ending. Prepare for violence, intense jealousy, and scorching hot, emotional, explicit scenes.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
Themes: Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, magical bond, revenge, poverty, disability, small town, vulnerability, versatile lovers
Length: ~110,000 words (Standalone novel)
WARNING: This story contains scenes of violence, offensive language and morally ambiguous characters as well as sensitive topics of child abuse, addiction, and suicide
12 pages, Audible Audio
First published March 28, 2020
210 people are currently reading
1377 people want to read
About the author
K.A. Merikan
130 books3,032 followers(Goodreads profile run by Kat)
K. A. Merikan is a duo of queer writers who don’t believe in following the well-trodden path. In their books you can dip your toe into dangerous romance with mafiosi, outlaw bikers and bad boys, all from the safety of your sofa. They love the weird and wonderful, stepping out of the box, and bending stereotypes both in life and in fiction. Their stories don’t shy away from exploring the darker side of M/M romance, and feature a variety of anti-heroes, rebels, misfits, and underdogs who go against the grain.
Be prepared for shocking twists, dark humor, raw emotions, and sizzling hot scenes.
K.A. Merikan also writes steamy M/M romcoms as Devon Doe.
e-mail: kamerikan@gmail.com
More information about ongoing projects, works in progress and publishing at:
K.A. Merikan’s author page: http://kamerikan.com
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/kamerikan
K. A. Merikan is a duo of queer writers who don’t believe in following the well-trodden path. In their books you can dip your toe into dangerous romance with mafiosi, outlaw bikers and bad boys, all from the safety of your sofa. They love the weird and wonderful, stepping out of the box, and bending stereotypes both in life and in fiction. Their stories don’t shy away from exploring the darker side of M/M romance, and feature a variety of anti-heroes, rebels, misfits, and underdogs who go against the grain.
Be prepared for shocking twists, dark humor, raw emotions, and sizzling hot scenes.
K.A. Merikan also writes steamy M/M romcoms as Devon Doe.
e-mail: kamerikan@gmail.com
More information about ongoing projects, works in progress and publishing at:
K.A. Merikan’s author page: http://kamerikan.com
Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/kamerikan
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 274 reviews
September 8, 2025
I tend to go for hyper-realism. This is mostly that—just with a twist. The writing is superb. The concept did sound weird to me, but it is well executed and does not detract from the plot itself. It works.
Kat and Agnes throw several curveballs in this one—and they’re mostly all exceptional.
Roach is great. The poor man just gets it from every direction. But he’s a stand-up guy, and an underdog that you can root for. Zane is...not so great.
I enjoy the inner dialogues of both main characters, and the different ways they see situations. Zane is pretty damn hilarious.
The sex is, as always, written amazingly well. The authors realize (unlike lesser writers who objectify and appropriate gay men) that there’s a lot more to gay sex than just anal. The way that Zane and Roach explore sex and sensuality runs the gamut—just as in real life. Sex is definitely the love language in this relationship. Their versatility, and the way this adds to their intimacy, is something lesser authors would not dare to delve into. The shift in sexual dynamics leads to changes in their rapport, and they become much closer.
The way the two bicker is cute…until Zane makes it nasty. He’s a hypocrite on top of everything else. Not sure how he could be less WT than Roach is—6 siblings and only one working parent? Homeless? No clothes or money?
The intensity of what happens with Karla and the burned-down clubhouse is absolutely jarring. We as readers literally DO feel their pain. Both of them. As they feel it.
It’s super adorable that they both think the other one is “the hot one.” I love that!
If Roach’s entire family died, and they had a whole motorcycle club, they must have had some assets. How is he so destitute after all his relatives are dead??
At one point, Zane says he “analyzed the data.” Ummm…ok. I was also waiting for a big reveal on why Zane is sending his family money when they’re so horrendous to him. Did they pay his medical bills? Never explained. I feel as if there is more to unpack with Zane. His constant nasty comments…where does that come from?
Actions towards the end lead to some understanding of Zane’s behavior, but not enough. By his own admission, he was even that way before the fire. Zane is beyond disrespectful towards Roach. I’m not sure Zane has any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Does the revelation at the end excuse Zane’s behavior for 85% of the book? No.
Unique ending. I wasn’t expecting them to just win the lottery, but that…direction…is not one I saw coming. Yet it works for them. (OF)
The “Post-Credits Scene” is excellent.
They were both broken in their own ways, but together they made a whole greater than either of them could have been on their own.
Kat and Agnes throw several curveballs in this one—and they’re mostly all exceptional.
Roach is great. The poor man just gets it from every direction. But he’s a stand-up guy, and an underdog that you can root for. Zane is...not so great.
I enjoy the inner dialogues of both main characters, and the different ways they see situations. Zane is pretty damn hilarious.
The sex is, as always, written amazingly well. The authors realize (unlike lesser writers who objectify and appropriate gay men) that there’s a lot more to gay sex than just anal. The way that Zane and Roach explore sex and sensuality runs the gamut—just as in real life. Sex is definitely the love language in this relationship. Their versatility, and the way this adds to their intimacy, is something lesser authors would not dare to delve into. The shift in sexual dynamics leads to changes in their rapport, and they become much closer.
The way the two bicker is cute…until Zane makes it nasty. He’s a hypocrite on top of everything else. Not sure how he could be less WT than Roach is—6 siblings and only one working parent? Homeless? No clothes or money?
The intensity of what happens with Karla and the burned-down clubhouse is absolutely jarring. We as readers literally DO feel their pain. Both of them. As they feel it.
It’s super adorable that they both think the other one is “the hot one.” I love that!
If Roach’s entire family died, and they had a whole motorcycle club, they must have had some assets. How is he so destitute after all his relatives are dead??
At one point, Zane says he “analyzed the data.” Ummm…ok. I was also waiting for a big reveal on why Zane is sending his family money when they’re so horrendous to him. Did they pay his medical bills? Never explained. I feel as if there is more to unpack with Zane. His constant nasty comments…where does that come from?
Actions towards the end lead to some understanding of Zane’s behavior, but not enough. By his own admission, he was even that way before the fire. Zane is beyond disrespectful towards Roach. I’m not sure Zane has any redeeming qualities whatsoever. Does the revelation at the end excuse Zane’s behavior for 85% of the book? No.
Unique ending. I wasn’t expecting them to just win the lottery, but that…direction…is not one I saw coming. Yet it works for them. (OF)
The “Post-Credits Scene” is excellent.
They were both broken in their own ways, but together they made a whole greater than either of them could have been on their own.
August 2, 2020
Audio – 5 +++ Stars! Kirt Graves narrates!! Yes, Please!!!! 👏🏽👏🏽
Story – 4.5 Stars
A great narrator makes all the difference in taking a story to the next level, and Kirt Graves did that for me! 😍😍
This was an asshole meets doormat kind of romance which typically does not work for me, but it did here. Both MCs have had a shit life, and I can see why Zane wanted revenge. I would too. And I can understand why Roach was so insecure. It takes awhile but these guys grew on me as a couple and by the end, the feels had me tearing up a bit.
I really hope that Gale gets his own book and that Kirt Graves narrates again.🤞🏽🤞🏽
Story – 4.5 Stars
A great narrator makes all the difference in taking a story to the next level, and Kirt Graves did that for me! 😍😍
This was an asshole meets doormat kind of romance which typically does not work for me, but it did here. Both MCs have had a shit life, and I can see why Zane wanted revenge. I would too. And I can understand why Roach was so insecure. It takes awhile but these guys grew on me as a couple and by the end, the feels had me tearing up a bit.
I really hope that Gale gets his own book and that Kirt Graves narrates again.🤞🏽🤞🏽
April 2, 2020
3.5 Stars
I had to sit with my thoughts on this book for a bit. I'm still not sure if I am in a 100% agreement with how I rated it. I'm a little conflicted with my thoughts on this book period. I liked Reed quite a bit but I had a hard time liking Zane even if some of his attitude and harsh words were validated. I didn't really get the connection I was hoping for between them. It was quite toxic a lot of the time. I didn't like how Reed (Roach) was such a doormat for Zane. I'm not a huge fan of those types of characters in any setting. It's a little bit of a pet peeve of mine so I knew that would rankle me throughout the story. And it did.
There were definitely some sweet times between the men. It thawed some dislike I was feeling for Zane, but it didn't defrost me enough to like him. Believe me I kept waiting for that moment where you fall for the asshole, but unfortunately I never got there.
Reed was really sweet with Gale and I loved how much he was there for the young man. He really looked out for him and made him feel wanted even if it was just as a friend. I wouldn't mind getting a book about his story. Reed was really great with Zane as well. Very sweet and caring no matter how many hateful words he threw at the man. Don't get me wrong, I felt for Zane as well, but sometimes I felt like he was mean just to be mean. But some of the time, in his vulnerable moments, you got to see the part of the man that was hurting. He had his moments. But his outbursts made it hard to remember them.
I did enjoy the concept of this book and thought it was original. I just wished I could have connected with the characters better.
Do heed the warnings that the author's gave for this book. There are quite a bit of different types of violence happening in this book that will trigger many people.
Happy reading dolls! xx
I was given an ARC by the author's in exchange for an honest review.
I had to sit with my thoughts on this book for a bit. I'm still not sure if I am in a 100% agreement with how I rated it. I'm a little conflicted with my thoughts on this book period. I liked Reed quite a bit but I had a hard time liking Zane even if some of his attitude and harsh words were validated. I didn't really get the connection I was hoping for between them. It was quite toxic a lot of the time. I didn't like how Reed (Roach) was such a doormat for Zane. I'm not a huge fan of those types of characters in any setting. It's a little bit of a pet peeve of mine so I knew that would rankle me throughout the story. And it did.
There were definitely some sweet times between the men. It thawed some dislike I was feeling for Zane, but it didn't defrost me enough to like him. Believe me I kept waiting for that moment where you fall for the asshole, but unfortunately I never got there.
Reed was really sweet with Gale and I loved how much he was there for the young man. He really looked out for him and made him feel wanted even if it was just as a friend. I wouldn't mind getting a book about his story. Reed was really great with Zane as well. Very sweet and caring no matter how many hateful words he threw at the man. Don't get me wrong, I felt for Zane as well, but sometimes I felt like he was mean just to be mean. But some of the time, in his vulnerable moments, you got to see the part of the man that was hurting. He had his moments. But his outbursts made it hard to remember them.
I did enjoy the concept of this book and thought it was original. I just wished I could have connected with the characters better.
Do heed the warnings that the author's gave for this book. There are quite a bit of different types of violence happening in this book that will trigger many people.
Happy reading dolls! xx
I was given an ARC by the author's in exchange for an honest review.
Read
March 21, 2020
https://www.amazon.com/dp/B085N15GRY
Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”
Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”
Two years ago, the Rabid Hyenas MC ripped Zane apart like a pack of starving wolves. But he’s not only a survivor, he took revenge that same night.
Turns out, one of the bikers is still alive, and as long as that’s the case, Zane will not know peace. Especially since Roach is the dirtbag who caused all the mayhem in the first place.
When an act of revenge meant to close that chapter of Zane’s life takes a shocking turn, all hell breaks loose.
Roach’s pain is his.
When Roach bleeds, he does.
When Zane suffers, Roach screams.
So until Zane can figure out how to lift the curse and kill Roach, he’s stuck caring for the dumbass who drinks too much, works like a dog, and hasn’t moved on an inch since he lost his motorcycle club.
But Roach has other plans for the man twisting his miserable life around. For him, Zane is hope, lust, and love combined, so Roach will gladly stay bound to him forever.
Even if it kills them.
Dirty, dark, and delicious, “Feel My Pain” is a gritty M/M dark romance novel with magical elements and a happy ending. Prepare for violence, intense jealousy, and scorching hot, emotional, explicit scenes.
POSSIBLE SPOILERS:
Themes: Enemies to lovers, forced proximity, magical bond, revenge, poverty, disability, small town, vulnerability, versatile lovers
Length: ~110,000 words (Standalone novel)
WARNING: This story contains scenes of violence, offensive language and morally ambiguous characters as well as sensitive topics of child abuse, addiction, and suicide
June 28, 2020
4,5 stars
May 4, 2020
The book did not live up to that gorgeous cover (or rather the cover of the gorgeous long-haired guy, who is I guess supposed to be Zane).
Drawn out. All over the place. scenes that didn't need to be in there. but this is a real enemies to lovers story. They couldn't have been MORE enemies (at least on Zane's side) than that. Zane wanted to kill Roach for what his decision led to.
But... an interesting, novel (as in new) plot was not enough to save this book. Just too long, too messy. I did get some tightening in my throat esp. with Roach and his puppy-love-approach. He's really kind of an innocent, a sweet boy in the body of a bearish man. But I didn't have all that much sympathy with Zane. Even tho he sure suffered for something so small.
Anyway, won't be reading this author again any time soon. Shame, cuz it's on KU.
Drawn out. All over the place. scenes that didn't need to be in there. but this is a real enemies to lovers story. They couldn't have been MORE enemies (at least on Zane's side) than that. Zane wanted to kill Roach for what his decision led to.
But... an interesting, novel (as in new) plot was not enough to save this book. Just too long, too messy. I did get some tightening in my throat esp. with Roach and his puppy-love-approach. He's really kind of an innocent, a sweet boy in the body of a bearish man. But I didn't have all that much sympathy with Zane. Even tho he sure suffered for something so small.
Anyway, won't be reading this author again any time soon. Shame, cuz it's on KU.
April 4, 2020
I’m putting this one aside. I’m at 25%. DNF? Sure. Let’s go with that. My 2 stars are for how much I liked what I read. I didn’t like it much.
I’m a fan of dark. I’m a fan of these authors. What I’m not a fan of is unlovable, selfish assholes. Oddly enough, our biker was the sweet one.
Right now, during this pandemic, I don’t have time for assholes to turn into princes (and here, according to reviews, he never does).
I’m a fan of dark. I’m a fan of these authors. What I’m not a fan of is unlovable, selfish assholes. Oddly enough, our biker was the sweet one.
Right now, during this pandemic, I don’t have time for assholes to turn into princes (and here, according to reviews, he never does).
April 9, 2020
I had a tumultuous relationship with Feel My Pain by KA Merikan.
I hated Zane.
Roach's doormat behavior pissed me the fuck off.
I hated Zane some more.
I felt terrible for Roach.
I felt terrible for Zane.
Gale stole my heart and made me wish for his book.
Repeat.
The storytelling was there. The fact that these ladies managed to evoke an array of feelings from me throughout reading the book speaks for itself; however, I never completely got over my dislike of Zane. It's hard to fall in love with a book when you loath one of the main characters. Some of his actions made me question whether I wanted to finish this book. Yes, he came around, but I couldn't help but feel that Roach could do better.
3.5 Stars
I hated Zane.
Roach's doormat behavior pissed me the fuck off.
I hated Zane some more.
I felt terrible for Roach.
I felt terrible for Zane.
Gale stole my heart and made me wish for his book.
Repeat.
The storytelling was there. The fact that these ladies managed to evoke an array of feelings from me throughout reading the book speaks for itself; however, I never completely got over my dislike of Zane. It's hard to fall in love with a book when you loath one of the main characters. Some of his actions made me question whether I wanted to finish this book. Yes, he came around, but I couldn't help but feel that Roach could do better.
3.5 Stars
March 30, 2020
I absolutely loved this. My first read of K.A. Merikan outside of the Guns n' Boys series and it was a winner.
It was almost just as dark and twisted, but as dark and twisted in some ways, as the Guns n' Boys series.
We open this with "Roach" (Real name Reed) and Zane meeting at Roach's father's motorcycle club bar. Zane is this long haired, mysteriously beautiful and sexy man that Roach can't take his eyes off of.
Zane seems equally interested, and after Roach gives Zane a blowjob, they're basically caught by Roach's father, "Hulk" and the rest of the gang, and then things don't go well. Neither of them are perfect in what happens, but what Roach does leads Zane to hate Roach immensely.
Two years later, Zane comes back into the small town where Roach lives, alone, as the rest of his family and "brothers" were all killed in a fire that happened that fateful night.
When Roach and Zane meet again, Zane is determined to kill Roach, so much so that for a long time Zane is adamant that they are nothing and that when they fuck, it's just that, and that Roach is a "cum dump."
I gotta say, for a long while Zane really frustrated me. I know what happened was horrible, being beat up and tortured, but I felt like he was taking responsibility for his part in it and while Roach wasn't either, which was frustrating, I understood why he did what he did - maybe because we got his POV of the event.
But by the end Zane's hate and anger is very, very understandable. What these two men go through in this is a lot, as these two ladies tend to put their MC's through. They're both severely damaged by their pasts.
It also made it hard to sympathize for the most part with Zane because of how horrible he was to Roach, who just wanted Zane even when he was being horrible and was showing to be a kind, sweet hearted guy. But I say if anyone else feels annoyed with Zane while reading this, you come to understand just why he acts the way he does and his behavior makes so much more sense.
To top all this off, when Zane tries to kill Roach, they come to understand that they literally feel each other's pain. When one of them is cut with another knife, the other one is cut, when one of them is burned, the other is burned, etc...so Zane realizes he can't kill Roach because it will probably kill himself as well, so he's determined to get to the bottom of the "curse" and find out how to get rid of it.
As the months go by as they try to figure it out, Zane and Roach slowly start to fall in love, as much as Zane tries to deny it.
When things come to a head it's crazy, but the love these two has is immense and wonderful and I absolutely adored it. There were elements of Dom & Seth with these two as well, I gotta say (Zane's long hair, even if it is longer than Dom's, Zane sometimes being fairly ruthless, Roach being such a sweetheart and a softy underneath it all, etc) which I loved, because there were enough differences as well to make these two not just copies of those two...but enough similarities to be a nice callback to them as well.
I couldn't put this down, stayed up late reading it last night. Absolutely adored it.
Two massive thumbs up from me. Safe to say I truly love these authors and can't wait for more from them. Definitely recommend this!
It was almost just as dark and twisted, but as dark and twisted in some ways, as the Guns n' Boys series.
We open this with "Roach" (Real name Reed) and Zane meeting at Roach's father's motorcycle club bar. Zane is this long haired, mysteriously beautiful and sexy man that Roach can't take his eyes off of.
Zane seems equally interested, and after Roach gives Zane a blowjob, they're basically caught by Roach's father, "Hulk" and the rest of the gang, and then things don't go well. Neither of them are perfect in what happens, but what Roach does leads Zane to hate Roach immensely.
Two years later, Zane comes back into the small town where Roach lives, alone, as the rest of his family and "brothers" were all killed in a fire that happened that fateful night.
When Roach and Zane meet again, Zane is determined to kill Roach, so much so that for a long time Zane is adamant that they are nothing and that when they fuck, it's just that, and that Roach is a "cum dump."
I gotta say, for a long while Zane really frustrated me. I know what happened was horrible, being beat up and tortured, but I felt like he was taking responsibility for his part in it and while Roach wasn't either, which was frustrating, I understood why he did what he did - maybe because we got his POV of the event.
But by the end Zane's hate and anger is very, very understandable. What these two men go through in this is a lot, as these two ladies tend to put their MC's through. They're both severely damaged by their pasts.
It also made it hard to sympathize for the most part with Zane because of how horrible he was to Roach, who just wanted Zane even when he was being horrible and was showing to be a kind, sweet hearted guy. But I say if anyone else feels annoyed with Zane while reading this, you come to understand just why he acts the way he does and his behavior makes so much more sense.
To top all this off, when Zane tries to kill Roach, they come to understand that they literally feel each other's pain. When one of them is cut with another knife, the other one is cut, when one of them is burned, the other is burned, etc...so Zane realizes he can't kill Roach because it will probably kill himself as well, so he's determined to get to the bottom of the "curse" and find out how to get rid of it.
As the months go by as they try to figure it out, Zane and Roach slowly start to fall in love, as much as Zane tries to deny it.
When things come to a head it's crazy, but the love these two has is immense and wonderful and I absolutely adored it. There were elements of Dom & Seth with these two as well, I gotta say (Zane's long hair, even if it is longer than Dom's, Zane sometimes being fairly ruthless, Roach being such a sweetheart and a softy underneath it all, etc) which I loved, because there were enough differences as well to make these two not just copies of those two...but enough similarities to be a nice callback to them as well.
I couldn't put this down, stayed up late reading it last night. Absolutely adored it.
Two massive thumbs up from me. Safe to say I truly love these authors and can't wait for more from them. Definitely recommend this!
July 22, 2020
UPDATED: on July 17, 2020 to add Audiobook review
ORIGINAL: Ebook reviewed on April 8, 2020
Murderous. Raw. Unpredictable. Hot AF.
Overall: 5 stars
Performance: 5 stars
Story: 4.5 stars
I was totally unprepared for enjoying , so much, this rather bloodthirsty , death dealing, sanguinary story. It might've been the balancing act authors did , as there is as much hope, goodness and love as there is darkness.
Feel My Pain is a vivid, sexually explicit, bloodthirsty, unexpected , at times gruesome , well crafted, hurt-comfort, true enemies to lovers , romance story.
About two very fierce , unlikable , damaged individuals, with storylines involving magic, Paranormal activity, taboo and trigger sensitive topics.
Yep, Roach/Reed and Zane antagonistic , snarky and nasty banter, pull/push, beyond complicated relationship; murderous in Zane's case, made it difficult to connect with them . Yet , they pulled it off. I ended up caring about their past, present and their future.
Narrated by the articulate and skillful Kirt Graves . His portrayal of Roach, brilliantly captured the hero moody and self depreciating personality. With equal finesse, he nailed Zane's dismissive and cruel attitude , as well as , his beguiling Southern accent . I should know, I live in Atlanta, And his performance of the sexy times are 'Oh là là' HOT.
For me, it's evidence of Kat and Agnes Merikan's talents and creativity that this violent, strange story it's so addictive and appealing. Their collaboration with Kirt Graves give it an even higher level dirtiness, delectability and devilishness.
Re-read/re-listen: Yes.
Recommend: Yes, especially to readers who like to draw outside the lines, don't see the box and aren't concerned with triggers.
#BooksILove #KU #Amazon #GRR #ReadOn2020 #ListenedOn2020 #Audible #AudioCreditWellSpent
ORIGINAL: Ebook reviewed on April 8, 2020
Murderous. Raw. Unpredictable. Hot AF.
Overall: 5 stars
Performance: 5 stars
Story: 4.5 stars
I was totally unprepared for enjoying , so much, this rather bloodthirsty , death dealing, sanguinary story. It might've been the balancing act authors did , as there is as much hope, goodness and love as there is darkness.
Feel My Pain is a vivid, sexually explicit, bloodthirsty, unexpected , at times gruesome , well crafted, hurt-comfort, true enemies to lovers , romance story.
About two very fierce , unlikable , damaged individuals, with storylines involving magic, Paranormal activity, taboo and trigger sensitive topics.
Yep, Roach/Reed and Zane antagonistic , snarky and nasty banter, pull/push, beyond complicated relationship; murderous in Zane's case, made it difficult to connect with them . Yet , they pulled it off. I ended up caring about their past, present and their future.
Narrated by the articulate and skillful Kirt Graves . His portrayal of Roach, brilliantly captured the hero moody and self depreciating personality. With equal finesse, he nailed Zane's dismissive and cruel attitude , as well as , his beguiling Southern accent . I should know, I live in Atlanta, And his performance of the sexy times are 'Oh là là' HOT.
For me, it's evidence of Kat and Agnes Merikan's talents and creativity that this violent, strange story it's so addictive and appealing. Their collaboration with Kirt Graves give it an even higher level dirtiness, delectability and devilishness.
Re-read/re-listen: Yes.
Recommend: Yes, especially to readers who like to draw outside the lines, don't see the box and aren't concerned with triggers.
#BooksILove #KU #Amazon #GRR #ReadOn2020 #ListenedOn2020 #Audible #AudioCreditWellSpent
August 1, 2020
I’ve never heard Kirt Graves sound better than in his performance of K.A. Merikan’s Feel My Pain. His gravely, growly, low voice is fantastic for the tone of this story, and the emotion he brings to the moments of intimacy and tenderness is truly lovely. Graves is always amazing, but he really shines in this one.
The Merikans spare no expense in making Feel My Pain as dark as possible. It’s not an easy story to listen to, but we fans know (though it might take awhile) we can count on a happily ever after for the heroes. I love the way these ladies craft a story, and Feel My Pain is one of their best.
an audiobook copy of Feel My Pain was provided to me for the purpose of my honest review
The Merikans spare no expense in making Feel My Pain as dark as possible. It’s not an easy story to listen to, but we fans know (though it might take awhile) we can count on a happily ever after for the heroes. I love the way these ladies craft a story, and Feel My Pain is one of their best.
an audiobook copy of Feel My Pain was provided to me for the purpose of my honest review
June 1, 2020
DNF 60%
I HATE Zane so much.
Me. Slapping Zane every time he opens his mouth. Jeez. What a douche.
I just can't.
Roach is toooooo SOFT.
Didn't liked this.
I HATE Zane so much.
Me. Slapping Zane every time he opens his mouth. Jeez. What a douche.
I just can't.
Roach is toooooo SOFT.
Didn't liked this.
March 31, 2020
5 stars!!!
So, alot of factors made this a rare 5 star read for me.
- Excellent character development with uncommon characters
- Interesting, engaging and unique plot and setting
- Authentic story telling
-MC's that actually spend time together happy
- satisfying ending
One thing that I like about MM romance over MF romance is the power structure of a relationship. In MF, I'd say 98% of plots is about a powerless heroine that meets a powerful hero. Not with this book. Both main characters were equally flawed, dynamic, and layered. Both had a significant back story that drove the plot forward without weighing it down. Its just so refreshing!!!!
Both of the characters just felt so REAL. The writing style was effortless and I was never confused who's head we were in. The tone of voice was different and distinct for each. And while their backstories are sad and gruesome, it didnt feel like decoration and angst for angst sake. Ya know what I mean? When the author just packs so much into a mediocre book and just adds an abuse scene for the hell of it.
But I must warn you, this is NOT for everyone. It deals with veryyyyy heavy shit and is definitely a dark romance. But it was the kind of heavy romance thats written the right way! It was nuanced and touched on difficult subjects with grace and humility. IT wasnt showy and most importantly...
.......... none of these characters turn out to be billionaires. Thank FREAKING god for that. Not every bullshit romance needs a billionaire people!!!
Now you can call me a hypocrite BUT, safety triggers dont really bother me with MM romance but ill list them anyway.
Safety and major spoilers ahead:
-Roach was sexually abused by his father and we get a graphic back flash scene
-Zane was also tortured and raped by Roach's MC club the night that they met. Roach was not aware that this happened.
-Zane sets fire to the MC club house and kills everyone inside except for Roach. Roach is glad theyre gone as they were all abusive towards him
-Both physically assault each other when they figure out theyre bound together by a curse.
-Zane is the manic one, and he constantly tries to convince himself he doesnt have feelings for Roach and its just the bond that is causing all of the feelings. He's mainly pulling away, and wants the curse to be broken so he can take his revenge against Roach.
-Roach is the main pursuer in this relationship.
-Zane attempts to cheat on Roach with another man but cant do it. You dont know the details and Roach doesnt ask about it.
-Zane and Roach attempt to do a 4-way with another gay couple but cant go through with it.
-Both were with other people during two year seperation
-Zane is a bit of a manwhore
-Roach has less experience with a gay relationship but dated girls in high school
-Drug and alcohol abuse
-suicide attempt.
So, alot of factors made this a rare 5 star read for me.
- Excellent character development with uncommon characters
- Interesting, engaging and unique plot and setting
- Authentic story telling
-MC's that actually spend time together happy
- satisfying ending
One thing that I like about MM romance over MF romance is the power structure of a relationship. In MF, I'd say 98% of plots is about a powerless heroine that meets a powerful hero. Not with this book. Both main characters were equally flawed, dynamic, and layered. Both had a significant back story that drove the plot forward without weighing it down. Its just so refreshing!!!!
Both of the characters just felt so REAL. The writing style was effortless and I was never confused who's head we were in. The tone of voice was different and distinct for each. And while their backstories are sad and gruesome, it didnt feel like decoration and angst for angst sake. Ya know what I mean? When the author just packs so much into a mediocre book and just adds an abuse scene for the hell of it.
But I must warn you, this is NOT for everyone. It deals with veryyyyy heavy shit and is definitely a dark romance. But it was the kind of heavy romance thats written the right way! It was nuanced and touched on difficult subjects with grace and humility. IT wasnt showy and most importantly...
.......... none of these characters turn out to be billionaires. Thank FREAKING god for that. Not every bullshit romance needs a billionaire people!!!
Now you can call me a hypocrite BUT, safety triggers dont really bother me with MM romance but ill list them anyway.
Safety and major spoilers ahead:
-Roach was sexually abused by his father and we get a graphic back flash scene
-Zane was also tortured and raped by Roach's MC club the night that they met. Roach was not aware that this happened.
-Zane sets fire to the MC club house and kills everyone inside except for Roach. Roach is glad theyre gone as they were all abusive towards him
-Both physically assault each other when they figure out theyre bound together by a curse.
-Zane is the manic one, and he constantly tries to convince himself he doesnt have feelings for Roach and its just the bond that is causing all of the feelings. He's mainly pulling away, and wants the curse to be broken so he can take his revenge against Roach.
-Roach is the main pursuer in this relationship.
-Zane attempts to cheat on Roach with another man but cant do it. You dont know the details and Roach doesnt ask about it.
-Zane and Roach attempt to do a 4-way with another gay couple but cant go through with it.
-Both were with other people during two year seperation
-Zane is a bit of a manwhore
-Roach has less experience with a gay relationship but dated girls in high school
-Drug and alcohol abuse
-suicide attempt.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 23, 2020
I never struggled so much with a review on my feelings but I'll try and put into words my thoughts on this book. Zane was a real vindictive asshole! There I said it, lol. For someone that was so mad at Roach for throwing him to the wolves, he wasn't a real good person to begin with and thought nothing of taking advantage of Roach's generosity and stealing from him. No, Zane didn't deserve what Roach's biker family did to him but throughout most of the book Zane was on a mission to always remind Roach of the past,
especially when he noticed he started developing feelings for Roach. There was a point in the book, thank God where Zane was transported into Roach's past and went through a part of Roach's young life with his father and he finally seen he wasn't the only victim. I think part of Zane's problem was his own self esteem issues but his attitude made it hard to like him at all.
Roach on the other hand was no angel in the past but that was more or less so he could coexist in the biker club and not be bullied himself. Deep down he was a decent person who looked after people he cared about and tried to make sure underage kids stayed out of the biker club.
Thank God the story was actually really good and had quite the twist at the beginning and I loved the narrator Kirt Graves. I hope the author decides to write Gales story. ;-D
especially when he noticed he started developing feelings for Roach. There was a point in the book, thank God where Zane was transported into Roach's past and went through a part of Roach's young life with his father and he finally seen he wasn't the only victim. I think part of Zane's problem was his own self esteem issues but his attitude made it hard to like him at all.
Roach on the other hand was no angel in the past but that was more or less so he could coexist in the biker club and not be bullied himself. Deep down he was a decent person who looked after people he cared about and tried to make sure underage kids stayed out of the biker club.
Thank God the story was actually really good and had quite the twist at the beginning and I loved the narrator Kirt Graves. I hope the author decides to write Gales story. ;-D
March 30, 2020
Oh my goodness... Three words to describe it all:
Ingeniously written story. A must-read, period !
—Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.—
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”
Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”
Roach as the son of the head of the Rabid Hyenas MC can’t come out as gay, it will be his death. When he meets Zane for the very first time Roach is mesmerized by this beautiful man with his endless long hair. What started as what Roach hoped something more than a one night stand ended in his worst nightmare, or was it Zane’s?
When they meet again after two years Zane is full of hatred and wants to finish Roach, kill him.
He will spit on him and crush him under his boot like the roach he is.
They feel each other’s pain, imagine what they can feel more...!
Making the best of worst out of the situation to find a spell to break the curse, they stick together. Hurtful, delicious, painful, heartbreaking, funny, dark, gritty, steamy.
Some unbelievable secrets are revealed.
Ingeniously written story. A must-read, period !
Ingeniously written story. A must-read, period !
—Two enemies cursed to feel each other’s pain.—
Zane. “I will burn your life to the ground.”
Roach. “I’m a cockroach. I’ll survive.”
Roach as the son of the head of the Rabid Hyenas MC can’t come out as gay, it will be his death. When he meets Zane for the very first time Roach is mesmerized by this beautiful man with his endless long hair. What started as what Roach hoped something more than a one night stand ended in his worst nightmare, or was it Zane’s?
When they meet again after two years Zane is full of hatred and wants to finish Roach, kill him.
He will spit on him and crush him under his boot like the roach he is.
They feel each other’s pain, imagine what they can feel more...!
Making the best of worst out of the situation to find a spell to break the curse, they stick together. Hurtful, delicious, painful, heartbreaking, funny, dark, gritty, steamy.
Some unbelievable secrets are revealed.
Ingeniously written story. A must-read, period !
April 9, 2020
I really loved this book! Roach and Zane had such a special bond. 😅 But seriously, they were perfect together long before they ever realized it, and I loved all of their interactions! Whether they were being sweet, having hate sex, or just screaming at each other. 😅 I sort of suspected the secret they were both keeping, so I understood and forgave them when they were both being stupid and defensive. 😜
Needless to say, I love Kat and Agnes' special brand of dark and angst and damaged characters, but this one had it all! This book would be a great next choice for fans of Kings of Hell MC, with bikers and a touch of the paranormal. 👌 I almost wanna start reading it again right now! 🤔
Needless to say, I love Kat and Agnes' special brand of dark and angst and damaged characters, but this one had it all! This book would be a great next choice for fans of Kings of Hell MC, with bikers and a touch of the paranormal. 👌 I almost wanna start reading it again right now! 🤔
July 29, 2020
5 stars audio
4.5 stars story
4.5 stars story
March 23, 2020
I devoured this book in half a day, unable to put it down as its story and characters had captured me.
The story of this book, if you are like me, many times will seems like a punch in the stomach, it will make you feel bad and then make you feel great anger.
You can’t help but sympathize with our protagonists, even if they too will have moments when you will only wish to take them aside and make them understand that they are doing everything wrong, and that if they were just more open and sincere between themselves, they would solve things much faster.
But the beauty is also in seeing how many times we human beings manage to make life even more complicated than it already is.
And both Reed (Roach) and Zane, know something about complicated life.
Roach is a guy who in life has done nothing but survive, day after day, although most of the time he doesn't even know how.
It almost seems that fate had something more important in store for him, or rather someone.
But when the person you finally think can change your life completely, and who gives you something that you thought you had lost long time ago, like hope, reveals himself in the guise of a handsome and charming man, but equally cunning and careless of your feelings, it’s hard to get up and start living again.
The night of that fateful meeting will not only change Reed's life forever, but also Zane’s, who until that day spent his days traveling from city to city to carry around his music, living on what little he earned and finding shelter where it happened.
After two years, things have inevitably changed for the both of them, and meeting again was absolutely not in their plans, but they will soon discover that from that night a bond, even stronger than destiny, binds them inextricably, a bond that not even death can break.
With their bags full of rancor and anger, which nourish one another, it will be a challenge to work together to overcome the situation, and if we add an uncontrollable attraction to everything, we get a mix of situations that range from almost killing each other to doing everything to make the other get lost in pleasure.
Really, this book is a perfect combination of angst, moments of pure pleasure, a story that will keep you glued to the book to see how it will end, that pinch of magic that never hurts, and characters (even secondary) that once the story is over you will keep loving.
As always, these authors hit the mark, giving us a masterpiece that I am already looking forward to read again.
The story of this book, if you are like me, many times will seems like a punch in the stomach, it will make you feel bad and then make you feel great anger.
You can’t help but sympathize with our protagonists, even if they too will have moments when you will only wish to take them aside and make them understand that they are doing everything wrong, and that if they were just more open and sincere between themselves, they would solve things much faster.
But the beauty is also in seeing how many times we human beings manage to make life even more complicated than it already is.
And both Reed (Roach) and Zane, know something about complicated life.
Roach is a guy who in life has done nothing but survive, day after day, although most of the time he doesn't even know how.
It almost seems that fate had something more important in store for him, or rather someone.
But when the person you finally think can change your life completely, and who gives you something that you thought you had lost long time ago, like hope, reveals himself in the guise of a handsome and charming man, but equally cunning and careless of your feelings, it’s hard to get up and start living again.
The night of that fateful meeting will not only change Reed's life forever, but also Zane’s, who until that day spent his days traveling from city to city to carry around his music, living on what little he earned and finding shelter where it happened.
After two years, things have inevitably changed for the both of them, and meeting again was absolutely not in their plans, but they will soon discover that from that night a bond, even stronger than destiny, binds them inextricably, a bond that not even death can break.
With their bags full of rancor and anger, which nourish one another, it will be a challenge to work together to overcome the situation, and if we add an uncontrollable attraction to everything, we get a mix of situations that range from almost killing each other to doing everything to make the other get lost in pleasure.
Really, this book is a perfect combination of angst, moments of pure pleasure, a story that will keep you glued to the book to see how it will end, that pinch of magic that never hurts, and characters (even secondary) that once the story is over you will keep loving.
As always, these authors hit the mark, giving us a masterpiece that I am already looking forward to read again.
April 6, 2022
This one is hard to rate. It was well written, I enjoyed the setting and the whole curse thing, and I liked Roach a lot…but man, Zane sucks
But then…Zane sucks because he’s written that way, and he’s written consistently and well. And it makes sense for his backstory and experiences. Argh.
The setting - a motorcycle club, but only for part of the story. A seedy motel, truck stop diner, etc. Just a rundown midwestern town - not a setting you see very often, but it was written in a way that it really came to life. It was the perfect backdrop for these two human disasters. The secondary characters brought some fun into the story too, in many ways.
Roach, awww I just wanted to give him a hug. Poor baby Reed. He had such a hard life, and yet there he was, always trying his best to take care of people and do good. So precious. And like a little kicked puppy, always going back to Zane despite Zane’s shittiness.
Zane - like I said, a well written consistent asshole. He’s insecure and reactionary, but some of what we find out later in the book makes it make a little more sense at least. Still, he was hard to read, especially with how he was to Roach. But then…he had good(ish) reason…complicated. Kind of sympathetic. He’s very good at self-sabotage as well.
It made sense to me, even if it was frustrating (again), that it took Being so dense is perfect for these characters.
I liked seeing them slowly grow together, even if Zane would constantly throw a wrench in things as soon as he realized it. Frustrating, yet eventually rewarding. Their HEA was super cute honestly, it just works for them.
They had some really ridiculous moments together, like with Michael?? What the heck?? Such a hilariously awkward scene to watch them stumble through.
Overall, this was a bit hard to get into due to Zane, but as he adjusted it got easier and I ended up liking it. 3.5 stars liked it.
with reflection, i think im gonna round up instead of down - i liked the dynamic of them being forced to empathize in a sense, especially Zane. especially at the end. as a whole, it really worked for me.
But then…Zane sucks because he’s written that way, and he’s written consistently and well. And it makes sense for his backstory and experiences. Argh.
The setting - a motorcycle club, but only for part of the story. A seedy motel, truck stop diner, etc. Just a rundown midwestern town - not a setting you see very often, but it was written in a way that it really came to life. It was the perfect backdrop for these two human disasters. The secondary characters brought some fun into the story too, in many ways.
Roach, awww I just wanted to give him a hug. Poor baby Reed. He had such a hard life, and yet there he was, always trying his best to take care of people and do good. So precious. And like a little kicked puppy, always going back to Zane despite Zane’s shittiness.
Zane - like I said, a well written consistent asshole. He’s insecure and reactionary, but some of what we find out later in the book makes it make a little more sense at least. Still, he was hard to read, especially with how he was to Roach. But then…he had good(ish) reason…complicated. Kind of sympathetic. He’s very good at self-sabotage as well.
It made sense to me, even if it was frustrating (again), that it took Being so dense is perfect for these characters.
I liked seeing them slowly grow together, even if Zane would constantly throw a wrench in things as soon as he realized it. Frustrating, yet eventually rewarding. Their HEA was super cute honestly, it just works for them.
They had some really ridiculous moments together, like with Michael?? What the heck?? Such a hilariously awkward scene to watch them stumble through.
Overall, this was a bit hard to get into due to Zane, but as he adjusted it got easier and I ended up liking it. 3.5 stars liked it.
with reflection, i think im gonna round up instead of down - i liked the dynamic of them being forced to empathize in a sense, especially Zane. especially at the end. as a whole, it really worked for me.
March 29, 2020
WOW, 𝗙𝗲𝗲𝗹 𝗠𝘆 𝗣𝗮𝗶𝗻, indeed! This book has been precisely that, pain, from the get go.
The premise of the story, of some kind of freak magic bonding Roach and Zane together was brilliant. But maybe not so much when Zane only wanted revenge while for Roach Zane has slowly become the sunshine of his life. To me, witnessing their journey has been an ongoing heartbreak, woven with lighter moments of banter and tenderness, and also with absolutely scorching hot encounters. Yet sadness, despair, loneliness were turning up ever so often, keeping the story raw. I lost count of how many times I've been on the brink of tears, especially when hope and love shone bright...more so at the surprising ending.
It was ugly and beautiful together, and loved every page.
The premise of the story, of some kind of freak magic bonding Roach and Zane together was brilliant. But maybe not so much when Zane only wanted revenge while for Roach Zane has slowly become the sunshine of his life. To me, witnessing their journey has been an ongoing heartbreak, woven with lighter moments of banter and tenderness, and also with absolutely scorching hot encounters. Yet sadness, despair, loneliness were turning up ever so often, keeping the story raw. I lost count of how many times I've been on the brink of tears, especially when hope and love shone bright...more so at the surprising ending.
It was ugly and beautiful together, and loved every page.
March 31, 2020
As usual the ladies did not disappoint .. this was clever, gritty and heartwarming. Such a tangle of emotions- pain, trauma and angst. I adored Roach, such a beautiful soul who was traumatized and abused for far too long. Thankfully he found heart in Zane - but what a journey in getting there ! ❤️
March 25, 2020
This was a fantastic book with excellent plot, humor, heartbreaking emotions, and highly engaging romance, as it always is with these authors. The chemistry between Zane and Roach was unbelievable - sparks went flying from the second they saw each other, and the tension was so palpable, I felt like I was witnessing all that with my own eyes. They clicked right away, and I downright yelped when it all went to hell almost immediately.
The whole 'feeling each other's pain' thing is unusual and brilliantly executed. Roach's pain at being rejected, as he believed it to be, and not liked by anyone was breaking my heart. He had such a low self-esteem, and it took just a page of seeing his interactions with his relatives to realize why it happened.
Zane appears to be cocky and confident, but he has insecurities of his own. I loved it because it was a pretty unusual choice of characterization: in the end, it seemed like when he was projecting confidence, he was actually embodying the image of how Roach saw him. Shining, bright, overwhelming and domineering, while deep inside, he's much softer and more hesitant.
The hate/love between Roach and Zane was very heartfelt: I suffered and laughed with them. There were so many great moments, like when they went to a paranormal expert and ended up robbing her because she was a liar. And the whole Michael and Phil thing! Oh my God, I nearly doubled over from laughter. Poor Roach and Zane, this isn't what they saw coming, they were so innocent in comparison.
There were only two things that I didn't much like and which make me wonder if I'm going to re-read this book, even though I really loved it to bits. The first one is Zane's reaction closer to the end, . His first thoughts are about running to have the curse broken, and considering how late in the story it was, I hoped that he would be overwhelmed by fear for Reed and only for him. Sure, it came later, and his anguish and horror were very vivid, but these first more selfish thoughts still upset me because it felt like he didn't love Reed as much as I thought he did, which kind of decreased the value of his later reactions.
The second one is purely personal and subjective: . There are few stories where I feel it's justified. This attitude isn't logical, but I just think that having torture and beating in Zane's case and constant humiliation and disregard in Reed's one would have the same powerful effect anyway. Still, I have to note that everything was described to the highest extent, my heart didn't stop aching in sympathy.
This is one of those books that you can't stop reading once you started, and I took a break from work and engulfed it in one go. It was worth it, the story gripped my heart, and I feel very personally invested in Reed and Zane's relationship as well as in them as individual characters. I could immediately feel the connection with them, and it proves the immense talent these two authors have.
The whole 'feeling each other's pain' thing is unusual and brilliantly executed. Roach's pain at being rejected, as he believed it to be, and not liked by anyone was breaking my heart. He had such a low self-esteem, and it took just a page of seeing his interactions with his relatives to realize why it happened.
Zane appears to be cocky and confident, but he has insecurities of his own. I loved it because it was a pretty unusual choice of characterization: in the end, it seemed like when he was projecting confidence, he was actually embodying the image of how Roach saw him. Shining, bright, overwhelming and domineering, while deep inside, he's much softer and more hesitant.
The hate/love between Roach and Zane was very heartfelt: I suffered and laughed with them. There were so many great moments, like when they went to a paranormal expert and ended up robbing her because she was a liar. And the whole Michael and Phil thing! Oh my God, I nearly doubled over from laughter. Poor Roach and Zane, this isn't what they saw coming, they were so innocent in comparison.
There were only two things that I didn't much like and which make me wonder if I'm going to re-read this book, even though I really loved it to bits. The first one is Zane's reaction closer to the end, . His first thoughts are about running to have the curse broken, and considering how late in the story it was, I hoped that he would be overwhelmed by fear for Reed and only for him. Sure, it came later, and his anguish and horror were very vivid, but these first more selfish thoughts still upset me because it felt like he didn't love Reed as much as I thought he did, which kind of decreased the value of his later reactions.
The second one is purely personal and subjective: . There are few stories where I feel it's justified. This attitude isn't logical, but I just think that having torture and beating in Zane's case and constant humiliation and disregard in Reed's one would have the same powerful effect anyway. Still, I have to note that everything was described to the highest extent, my heart didn't stop aching in sympathy.
This is one of those books that you can't stop reading once you started, and I took a break from work and engulfed it in one go. It was worth it, the story gripped my heart, and I feel very personally invested in Reed and Zane's relationship as well as in them as individual characters. I could immediately feel the connection with them, and it proves the immense talent these two authors have.
October 3, 2021
4 Stars
Review:
This is not the kind of book I'd usually pick up, but I was intrigued by the idea of two men who hated each other being cursed to feel each others' pain. And I ended up liking it!
This was a surprisingly believable enemies-to-lovers romance. Absolutely toxic and unhealthy for most of the book, but sweet in the end. We really got to see them spending a lot of time together (forced proximity---kinda---ftw!), so the growing feelings, the getting to know each other, the understanding of what each other had been through, it all happened at a pace and with enough on-page time to feel realistic. It was also surprisingly low drama. They definitely had their issues and some lack of communication and misunderstandings, but it was never that extreme except for one time.
There was a lot of sex. Even before there was feelings. The sex between the MCs was often rough, angry, and/or not lovey-dovey romantic, but it was always consensual.
The characters were rough, gritty, damaged from past trauma, and overall not great people. They started to get their acts together eventually, and they had some good in them, but they've both done some shit. And I feel like the author didn't try to apologize for that or erase it. The characters just were who they were, did what they did, and you could accept it or not. Which I liked.
One of the characters (Zane) had discalculia, so there was some neurodiversity rep!
This book was very focused on the romance and the characters, so if you're looking for a thrilling, gripping, or tension-filled plot, you're not gonna find it here. Like I said, they had some relationship ups and downs, but it was more like riding a car over some speed bumps than a rollercoaster. It's a bit slow-paced, but I was never bored. I actually kind of appreciated that I never really felt tense while reading this.
Some warnings... There is some offensive language and ideas in the book (I don't remember them all, things like calling another character "Mad Madge"), but it was fitting for the characters. Also, trigger/content warnings for sexual abuse, rape, torture, and emetophobia (the first three happened off-screen, none of these were too graphically described).
Overall, as someone who doesn't normally read sex-heavy, rough and gritty, revenge-based romances, this surprised me in a good way! I enjoyed reading about these rough-edged characters and their enemies-to-lovers romance.
*Rating: 4 Stars // Read Date: 2021 // Format: Ebook*
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes m/m enemies-to-lovers romance, forced proximity, lots of sex that is rough and not always romantic but is consensual, characters who aren't good people, and the premise of characters who can feel each others' pain.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
Review:
This is not the kind of book I'd usually pick up, but I was intrigued by the idea of two men who hated each other being cursed to feel each others' pain. And I ended up liking it!
This was a surprisingly believable enemies-to-lovers romance. Absolutely toxic and unhealthy for most of the book, but sweet in the end. We really got to see them spending a lot of time together (forced proximity---kinda---ftw!), so the growing feelings, the getting to know each other, the understanding of what each other had been through, it all happened at a pace and with enough on-page time to feel realistic. It was also surprisingly low drama. They definitely had their issues and some lack of communication and misunderstandings, but it was never that extreme except for one time.
There was a lot of sex. Even before there was feelings. The sex between the MCs was often rough, angry, and/or not lovey-dovey romantic, but it was always consensual.
The characters were rough, gritty, damaged from past trauma, and overall not great people. They started to get their acts together eventually, and they had some good in them, but they've both done some shit. And I feel like the author didn't try to apologize for that or erase it. The characters just were who they were, did what they did, and you could accept it or not. Which I liked.
One of the characters (Zane) had discalculia, so there was some neurodiversity rep!
This book was very focused on the romance and the characters, so if you're looking for a thrilling, gripping, or tension-filled plot, you're not gonna find it here. Like I said, they had some relationship ups and downs, but it was more like riding a car over some speed bumps than a rollercoaster. It's a bit slow-paced, but I was never bored. I actually kind of appreciated that I never really felt tense while reading this.
Some warnings... There is some offensive language and ideas in the book (I don't remember them all, things like calling another character "Mad Madge"), but it was fitting for the characters. Also, trigger/content warnings for sexual abuse, rape, torture, and emetophobia (the first three happened off-screen, none of these were too graphically described).
Overall, as someone who doesn't normally read sex-heavy, rough and gritty, revenge-based romances, this surprised me in a good way! I enjoyed reading about these rough-edged characters and their enemies-to-lovers romance.
*Rating: 4 Stars // Read Date: 2021 // Format: Ebook*
Recommended For:
Anyone who likes m/m enemies-to-lovers romance, forced proximity, lots of sex that is rough and not always romantic but is consensual, characters who aren't good people, and the premise of characters who can feel each others' pain.
Original Review @ Metaphors and Moonlight
August 8, 2022
[2.75] these stars are for Reed/Roach 💖
narration: 5* for Kirt Graves always!
narration: 5* for Kirt Graves always!
April 23, 2020
First things first. Heed the trigger warnings as is usual for this writing duo. They do not write your run of the mill novels so when they say beware of "xxx", please beware.
Moving on, I don't think I've read a K.A. Merikan book in recent times where I've liked both of the MCs. I don't know if that's how the characters are always written but I always like one and dislike the other. Granted, by the end of this book, we get to know why Zane was so vile to Roach and it was one of the most valid reasons but whew... Was that man cruel to Roach. I just couldn't get it(till the end) but I still have some lingering dislike for him. *shrug*
While didn't particularly like Roach as well, I understood what years of self loathing and abuse can do a person and their self worth so I totally understood why he was the way he was. Once again, I didn't agree on how he allowed himself to be mistreated, but I got the messed up reasons why.
Needless to say, this wasn't a conventional romance. So yeah, these two were toxic, but were perfectly toxic for each other so I guess that's that.
Moving on, I don't think I've read a K.A. Merikan book in recent times where I've liked both of the MCs. I don't know if that's how the characters are always written but I always like one and dislike the other. Granted, by the end of this book, we get to know why Zane was so vile to Roach and it was one of the most valid reasons but whew... Was that man cruel to Roach. I just couldn't get it(till the end) but I still have some lingering dislike for him. *shrug*
While didn't particularly like Roach as well, I understood what years of self loathing and abuse can do a person and their self worth so I totally understood why he was the way he was. Once again, I didn't agree on how he allowed himself to be mistreated, but I got the messed up reasons why.
Needless to say, this wasn't a conventional romance. So yeah, these two were toxic, but were perfectly toxic for each other so I guess that's that.
March 28, 2020
Feel My Pain is one dark, gritty, nasty and sexy read. The enemies to lovers angle is pretty one sided as Roach was enamoured with Zane from the get go. Despite the incident 2 years ago that changed them both forever, Roach is still smitten with the homicidal musician Zane.
So Roach and Zane can feel each other pain, which is kinda creepy, but also make things interesting. Now Zane can't kill Roach without dying together with him.
The forced proximity led to many delicious sexy times despite them being at odds with each other. There are fun, light hearted moments mixed with some pretty dark stuff. Zane is very infuriating most of the times, while Roach is such a caring lover in the midst of all this clusterf*.
Learning about Roach's past and what Zane went through make me freaking mad and I wish I could kill bad guy over and over again.
So Roach and Zane can feel each other pain, which is kinda creepy, but also make things interesting. Now Zane can't kill Roach without dying together with him.
The forced proximity led to many delicious sexy times despite them being at odds with each other. There are fun, light hearted moments mixed with some pretty dark stuff. Zane is very infuriating most of the times, while Roach is such a caring lover in the midst of all this clusterf*.
Learning about Roach's past and what Zane went through make me freaking mad and I wish I could kill bad guy over and over again.
April 11, 2020
*Received A Copy To Review From The Author*
This is a DARK DARK read, as expected. It's good though. The emotional angst is so present and really tugs at you. No one should go through what Roach and Zane go through. And given the circumstances there's really no wondering why Zane is so toxic to Roach for most of their relationship, though I didn't blame him for what happened. But seeing Zane's journey to letting go of his turmoil and finding peace? That was great. I wish the same had happened 100% for Roach but I don't know that I believe that he found the same level of peace. I've already forgotten the main side character's name but I really liked him and hope that he gets his own happy.
This is a DARK DARK read, as expected. It's good though. The emotional angst is so present and really tugs at you. No one should go through what Roach and Zane go through. And given the circumstances there's really no wondering why Zane is so toxic to Roach for most of their relationship, though I didn't blame him for what happened. But seeing Zane's journey to letting go of his turmoil and finding peace? That was great. I wish the same had happened 100% for Roach but I don't know that I believe that he found the same level of peace. I've already forgotten the main side character's name but I really liked him and hope that he gets his own happy.
April 30, 2020
This was everything I have come to expect from this duo’s books and MORE. I loved the concept of the story, the grittiness of it and the way Roach and Zane relationship developed. This has that angst and toughness you expect when reading K.A. Merikan books but such an interesting concept that I couldn’t help but hang on tight for the ride — the very wild ride. If you want something with the perfect amount of angst, steam and a romance with such a unique start out and play through — I recommend this book.
4.5 stars
4.5 stars
January 20, 2024
SPOILER ALERT - I can't really review this book without commenting on a crap load of spoilers so this review has more spoilers than usual
Tropes: forced proximity, second chances, enemies to lovers, revenge, magic, small town
Feels: 4/5
Steam*: 4/5
Kinks: rough and dirty sex, toys
Angst: medium/high
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: violence, murder, CSA (incest), rape, gang rape, addiction/overdose/prostitution (minor character), drug use, abuse, porn, dyscalculia, suicide attempt, poverty, forced outing, driving drunk and high, homophobia
Roach is 32, a biker, closeted. His mom was a hooker and died when he was young. Leaving him and his brother with his biker father. Roach AKA Reed was abused his entire life. When he was young his dad SA'd him often until he got big enough to fight back. Roach has in his adulthood been cowed by his dad and MC cronies, he's been a biker himself, he's done a lot of dirty work for the MC. One day Zane walks in to their bar to perform music. Roach is instantly attracted to him. Roach never hooks up with guys even though he's gay. He only hooks up with women out of fear. But he wants to risk it with Zane and hook up. After his performance, they hook up, but it ends badly when Zane tries to pickpocket Roach and outs Roach to the MC.
Roach runs away from the confrontation that night and leaves Zane with the other bikers. Zane gets brutalized and raped. As he's left for dead, Zane manages to set fire to the bar and kill everyone inside. Someone takes Zane to the hospital.
2 years later, Zane is almost 30. He's traveling with two brothers he's in a band with. They're taking advantage of him because he has dyscalculia and can't understand money. He gets convinced to come back to the town where he was attacked to perform. He meets Roach again because he's a bouncer at the bar. Zane wants revenge on Roach, he hates him and blames him for what happened to him. Roach has no idea what went down and no idea Zane was responsible for the fire. Roach is glad that he has a second chance and all those people he hated are dead. He's living a clean life. He's poor and still closeted but he's making an honest living and he's a good person now. He wants another hook up with Zane. He doesn't hate Zane. But Zane sure hates him. They realize that they can feel each other's pain, so Zane is not going to be able to kill Roach until they separate themselves.
Zane dumps his awful band mates and stays in town with Roach, moving in with him, trying to figure out what's going on and separate their lives. They quickly add f****** to their arrangement. Roach is happy as a clam to have Zane on any terms. It takes them months before they make any headway to what's going on. Over that time they get to know each other. Zane starts to understand Roach isn't the evil person he thought he was, and he gets fond of him begrudgingly. They don't have an easy ride. I won't spoil absolutely everything, but they do get a happily ever after.
I like this book and I think it was well done. There was a lot of intensity to it. There was a lot of plot and character development and relationship building. It was nice that it was done slowly over time. I feel like the pages of this story were well spent in telling the story. It was dark and gritty. I empathize with both of the characters, and they fit well together.
There wasn't much that I disliked. I think the authors were a little brief in their trigger warnings. I read this book while I was sick and miserable, and some of the topics were just very very dark. The things that I didn't like were really just my personal taste, and not the authors' writing. I don't like characters that drive under the influence so that just wasn't likeable to me. Give me a dark book where they commit murder and that's fine, but yeah I draw the line at driving under the influence. Also Zane attempted to cheat on Roach and forcibly outed Roach twice, that's not likeable to me.
Some notable moments:
"“Sooo…” Gale licked his parched lips. “Your new boyfriend stabbed you yesterday, and I’m the one making bad life choices?”"
Roach was so good to Zane without asking for anything "“…I’ll work it out somehow, I promise, we’ll get you the best rehab. I just… Zane’s got no savings, and I don’t wanna tell him that Culver pays him peanuts. He’s always so happy when he talks about his earnings. It would crush him. He’s got this problem with numbers, but he’d never admit it, he’s too self-conscious about it. I just went with it so he wouldn’t be embarrassed, and… fuck. If you knew what a doormat I am, you’d laugh at me so hard.”"
I love how Roach described Zane, and Roach always came back for more "Like a human slot machine. Could get sex and a cuddle, could get a punch in the nuts."
"A new tattoo. The size of Reed’s palm, it depicted a cockroach with wings spread to create the shape of a heart. Reed was so shocked he opened a message from Zane without thinking. It read, [Roachie <3] Reed should’ve been mad at Zane for marking his body without asking, he knew he should, but it was impossible, because the ink meant Zane now also had a roach on his heart. Right where it belonged."
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
Tropes: forced proximity, second chances, enemies to lovers, revenge, magic, small town
Feels: 4/5
Steam*: 4/5
Kinks: rough and dirty sex, toys
Angst: medium/high
HEA: yes
Pairing: MM
Triggers/potential icks/content warnings: violence, murder, CSA (incest), rape, gang rape, addiction/overdose/prostitution (minor character), drug use, abuse, porn, dyscalculia, suicide attempt, poverty, forced outing, driving drunk and high, homophobia
Roach is 32, a biker, closeted. His mom was a hooker and died when he was young. Leaving him and his brother with his biker father. Roach AKA Reed was abused his entire life. When he was young his dad SA'd him often until he got big enough to fight back. Roach has in his adulthood been cowed by his dad and MC cronies, he's been a biker himself, he's done a lot of dirty work for the MC. One day Zane walks in to their bar to perform music. Roach is instantly attracted to him. Roach never hooks up with guys even though he's gay. He only hooks up with women out of fear. But he wants to risk it with Zane and hook up. After his performance, they hook up, but it ends badly when Zane tries to pickpocket Roach and outs Roach to the MC.
Roach runs away from the confrontation that night and leaves Zane with the other bikers. Zane gets brutalized and raped. As he's left for dead, Zane manages to set fire to the bar and kill everyone inside. Someone takes Zane to the hospital.
2 years later, Zane is almost 30. He's traveling with two brothers he's in a band with. They're taking advantage of him because he has dyscalculia and can't understand money. He gets convinced to come back to the town where he was attacked to perform. He meets Roach again because he's a bouncer at the bar. Zane wants revenge on Roach, he hates him and blames him for what happened to him. Roach has no idea what went down and no idea Zane was responsible for the fire. Roach is glad that he has a second chance and all those people he hated are dead. He's living a clean life. He's poor and still closeted but he's making an honest living and he's a good person now. He wants another hook up with Zane. He doesn't hate Zane. But Zane sure hates him. They realize that they can feel each other's pain, so Zane is not going to be able to kill Roach until they separate themselves.
Zane dumps his awful band mates and stays in town with Roach, moving in with him, trying to figure out what's going on and separate their lives. They quickly add f****** to their arrangement. Roach is happy as a clam to have Zane on any terms. It takes them months before they make any headway to what's going on. Over that time they get to know each other. Zane starts to understand Roach isn't the evil person he thought he was, and he gets fond of him begrudgingly. They don't have an easy ride. I won't spoil absolutely everything, but they do get a happily ever after.
I like this book and I think it was well done. There was a lot of intensity to it. There was a lot of plot and character development and relationship building. It was nice that it was done slowly over time. I feel like the pages of this story were well spent in telling the story. It was dark and gritty. I empathize with both of the characters, and they fit well together.
There wasn't much that I disliked. I think the authors were a little brief in their trigger warnings. I read this book while I was sick and miserable, and some of the topics were just very very dark. The things that I didn't like were really just my personal taste, and not the authors' writing. I don't like characters that drive under the influence so that just wasn't likeable to me. Give me a dark book where they commit murder and that's fine, but yeah I draw the line at driving under the influence. Also Zane attempted to cheat on Roach and forcibly outed Roach twice, that's not likeable to me.
Some notable moments:
"“Sooo…” Gale licked his parched lips. “Your new boyfriend stabbed you yesterday, and I’m the one making bad life choices?”"
Roach was so good to Zane without asking for anything "“…I’ll work it out somehow, I promise, we’ll get you the best rehab. I just… Zane’s got no savings, and I don’t wanna tell him that Culver pays him peanuts. He’s always so happy when he talks about his earnings. It would crush him. He’s got this problem with numbers, but he’d never admit it, he’s too self-conscious about it. I just went with it so he wouldn’t be embarrassed, and… fuck. If you knew what a doormat I am, you’d laugh at me so hard.”"
I love how Roach described Zane, and Roach always came back for more "Like a human slot machine. Could get sex and a cuddle, could get a punch in the nuts."
"A new tattoo. The size of Reed’s palm, it depicted a cockroach with wings spread to create the shape of a heart. Reed was so shocked he opened a message from Zane without thinking. It read, [Roachie <3] Reed should’ve been mad at Zane for marking his body without asking, he knew he should, but it was impossible, because the ink meant Zane now also had a roach on his heart. Right where it belonged."
*FYI about steam: I rate steam based on a combination of quality & quantity. I note kink separate from steam because I don't want to underrate steamy reads that don't have much kink.
**Note about spoilers: I like to comment on the plot of a book in reviews, so I almost always mark my reviews as containing spoilers. But I try to avoid spoiling the big dramatic moments! As a reader, I personally like to know what I'm getting into before I read a book so I know more about the content and if it's to my taste/mood, so I try to give that information in my reviews for myself when I'm considering rereading and also for other readers.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
November 27, 2022
I'm so glad I read the second book in the series before I read this one. Because if I'd read this one first? I wouldn't continue the series.
What was this exactly?
Comparing this book to the second is like night and day.
Scratch that, when you get to the 80% of the book, it gets good. And only then.
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Here's the honest truth and again, spoilers.
Roach (Reed) is the youngest son of the president (Hulk) of the Rabid Hyenas bike club. Hulk is vicious, the members are all under his command. They terrorize, beat up, rape and murder people and noone can hurt them, pretty much.
Reed has had a very rough childhood, his dad sexually molested him❗, he's been beat up a lot and as an adult in the club he represents the lowest rank. Noone likes him.
He meets Zane, a long haired sexy musician, when he comes to play to the club on an open night. Reed, in my opinion, experiences love at first sight and since Reed is a very, extremely closeted gay, he somehow can't believe his luck and sees Zane as a symbol of hope and a new life, a life where he can finally be himself.
They both like each other and get a bit intimate, but when Zane tries to steal Reed's wallet, since Zane is practically broke and homeless all the time, Reed gets offended and gives Zane up to the club members to do with him as they will. The guys rape and torture him and he hardly comes out of it alive. When it's all over, he burns the club down with its members inside.
We meet the guys two years later, when they've obviously experienced some form of magic, where they both can feel each other physically all the time. In a twist of events they start living together in a dump that Reed's renting, so that they can reverse the curse and keep each other under control until then. They also start having sex and even though Zane hates Reed and wants to kill him, Reed can't let go of his feelings, that are just as strong as they were 2 years ago.
🌸They were both broke, Zane was homeless, Reed was doing petty jobs for small pay. He was suddenly supporting Zane, with Zane doing nothing for Reed but leeching off of him. What little he had, he gave to Zane.
💮Reed was really in love. BLINDLY AND TO HIS DETRIMENT in love.
🍄Zane was an ASSHOLE. A true asshole. I hated the guy.
🌻For a complex character like Reed, he was painfully under-developed, there was so much more to Reed, not to mention his past, which the author should have written more about.
🌼The idea of both of them feeling each other physically wasn't well executed, if I compare this book with the second one, I'd say I had absolutely no idea what was going on for most of the story.
🦄What happened to Gale? For someone being mentioned that much, he just disappeared.
🐶The authors again don't explain to the reader who's the one behind the magic. IT'S THE IMMORTAL DOG. I'll save you a few days of figuring it out, it's the dog. Why didn't the authors explain more about the dog? I would have no idea what's going on if I hadn't read the 2nd book before this one.
💙In the 2nd book Cas and Gun meet Zane and Reed and it didn't go so well, I was so sad to hear it, because there's obviously a connection between Gun and Reed and we didn't read about it anywhere, they were just hostile towards Cas and Gun and I expected maybe more of a friendship or at least something connecting them.
💥It's mentioned in the 2nd book that Reed and Zane do amateur porn and they're well known, while in this book they're only just beginning; sue me for wanting to know about their journey, I thought they were going to get their big break, make tons of money and move to a better place??
☔The epilogue was with them having Thanksgiving with Zane's family, that's not all that wellcoming and mentioning about getting married - just mentioning. So, nothing substantial in the epilogue.
I think Reed deserved better.
If anything would have made all this much better, it would be Reed, Zane and Gale together - MMM, although I'm not a fan, but that would have saved the story, I think.
Reed was described as a no-good, low-life gangster biker that's abrasive and has a quick temper, but he really wasn't that, he was an outkast, a romantic and a complete cinnamon roll. He was also a total masochist, but fine, whatever, it's done.
Disappointed. 😐
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