Collywobbles: How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous

by Moshe Cohen

Negotiations are challenging and sometimes scary. You prepare and know what you want, but then things go terribly wrong. Your emotions get in the way. Sometimes you don't even try, or lose your way and fail to achieve your objectives. This book helps you get out of your own way, manage your emotions, and negotiate effectively.

Genres: Nonfiction, Communication, Entrepreneurship, Self Help, Business

220 pages, Kindle Edition

Published July 13, 2020

About the author

Moshe Cohen has been teaching negotiation, leadership, conflict resolution and organizational behavior as founder of The Negotiating Table since 1995 and as a senior lecturer at Boston University's Questrom School of Business, where he has taught since 2000. He has worked with thousands of students as well as companies and organizations all over the world. Moshe is a mediator who has worked to resolve hundreds of matters, and also coaches executives, managers, and individuals on negotiating more effectively. He has written numerous articles and cases, and has appeared in podcasts, videos, and interviews. Moshe studied Physics at Cornell University and has a Master's in Electrical Engineering from McGill University, specializing in robotics. After working in robotics for over a dozen years, he completed his MBA from Boston University and fell in love with negotiation and mediation.

Reviews

[Jose Eduardo Sanchez · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read for anyone who has to negotiate big or small!

I loved the structure of this book, as it does not try to give ‘cookie cutter’ frameworks on how to approach negotiations. Instead, Moshe defines the key concerns anyone would have when negotiating for something. Based on those concerns (posed as questions such as “What are you stressed about?”, the reader can then identify learnings to prepare and perform better when negotiating.

This book is for anyone, literally. You have to understand that negotiations happen all the time - kids, family, coffee shop, car dealers, etc. Also, not all negotiations are about beating someone else. If anything, most negotiations in life are about creating win-win scenarios in long lasting relationships. This is a great read that makes you reflect on these interactions with people.

Congratulations to Moshe and best of success with Collywobbles!

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent read. I appreciated the content, the tone, the laying out of the chapters, the examples. This is a book that I wish I had read in high school or college, and would strongly encourage any young woman to read this book before encountering situations involving negotiation. I already have found myself thinking about the ideas Moshe presents in his book--thinking about why I feel the way I do about negotiations is revealing. Everyone needs this book in their library, even those who have some flair and confidence with negotiation. Maybe this will help them look differently at others who might not have those skills.

[Ebony · Rating 2 out of 5]

Collywobbles is a great idea; just not what I was expecting. Because the subtitle is “How to Negotiate When Negotiating Makes You Nervous,” I was expecting some practical negotiating tips. Instead, Cohen’s entire book is about emotional management. It’s important. All adept negotiators control their emotions. They also know what a BATNA is and understand negotiating strategies. If you want the practical tips, you’ll have to look elsewhere.

If you want to be reminded that you negotiate the way you do because of the stories you tell yourself about how you negotiate, then start here. He writes about how our conflict management strategies are also our negotiation strategies and any time we’re afraid we need to rethink why we’re afraid as well as how we understand power and who has it. He encourages readers to practice negotiating every day. Put yourself in positions where others will say no so you get used to rejection. Put yourself in positions where you walk away on purpose to practice. Put yourself in positions so you can achieve your goals because negotiating is a numbers game and eventually you will win and boost your confidence. I support the advice, it was just really repetitive. It’s a short book, but I felt like it could have all been summed in a blog. It does make me curious about reading his other, more substantive books.

[Jenna Winkler · Rating 5 out of 5]

Collywobbles goes beyond the frameworks in negotiation and acts as an insightful guide to introspection necessary for personal growth. Moshe takes us through his roadmap in becoming a more effective negotiator. The tone of his writing is honest and relatable. I highly recommend this book!

[Siddharth Valecha · Rating 3 out of 5]

It was a decent book. Took me a while because I got bored at one point. However, does teach some great life skills.

[Elena Petrova · Rating 5 out of 5]

I used the concepts in this book to negotiate some terms of my most recent job (including my base salary) and I can confidently say that it helped A LOT. I highly recommend this book to anyone as a "must read" to improve negotiations skills. Also, let's face the truth: whether or not we like it, we negotiate every day and most of us get very nervous when faced with big negotiations (e.g. salary). This book helps!

At its core, Collywobbles is a practical guide on how to increase our self-awareness about our own negotiation style, understand the challenges we face as it comes to negotiations, and ultimately become better negotiators. The books starts with an overview of most common challenges people face during negotiations, provides tips how to leverage and learn from past and present experiences (e.g. journaling past negotiations can help raise self-awareness) and ultimately guides the reader how to prepare better for their next big negotiation and/or small daily negotiations. Although, there are some theoretical concepts discussed in the book, Collywobbles focuses mainly on the application of those concepts which is what I loved about the book.

Another great part about this book is that at the end of each chapter there is a summary of the key takeaways. This makes it so easy to review incase you need to refresh your memory on some of the concepts.

Overall, I enjoyed reading Collywobbles and highly recommend it to my friends and family.

[Nancy Carlson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book with a fun title “Collywobbles” which means a feeling of fear, apprehension, or nervousness. This new book is about how to negotiate when negotiating makes you nervous. Written by a local professor, mediator, and coach, Moshe Cohen. His book much like his class shares ways to enhance your self-awareness to better prepare for conflict resolution and to build habits that help stop triggers that can overwhelm you.

One tool he uses is the Thomas Kilmann assessment to help you define your negotiation style. This is based on your approach to outcomes and relationships and is highlighted in his book.

For me the Listening Triangle is extremely helpful, not just for conflict resolution or negotiations but for understanding the other person’s interests, so a conversation can be more effective. Ask short open-ended questions, listen for understanding of the other person’s interests, reflect back what you heard.

I suggest this book to anyone who wants to improve their communication skills to be more adapt with crucial conversations.

This book combines much of what he has learned, and it can be used as a workbook as you focus on getting better at negotiations and conflict resolution. I appreciated the reminder that any behavioral skill development isn’t easy and it requires practice, a support system for feedback, and journaling for self-reflection and insights.

[Reader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I thoroughly enjoyed this book on negotiation. Not only was it easy to comprehend (no complex charts or excessively complex acronyms), but the relatable narrative style allowed for points to be made and received without making it feel methodical. This approachable and interactive narrative style makes it easy to remember key points for growth. I even felt that past embarrassments or value left on the table during negotiations were used as key learning moments across chapters.

The book did a phenomenal job identifying key points across a negotiation journey. I particularly found immense value from the concept of the Listening Triangle. This is a concept that allows one to take a step back, reframe, and followup in a way that bolsters your negotiating position. This framework changed my entire perspective on claiming value. I cannot exaggerate how impactful this approach is.

Overall, I recommend this book to anyone who wants to improve their capabilities in negotiation regardless of how successful or unsuccessful you may think you are on the topic. The value in this book is immense; could not recommend it enough.

Truly, do not pass up on this book if you are preparing for a negotiation.

[Marc Collins · Rating 5 out of 5]

A practical and insightful guide for all negotiators, Collywobbles isn't just a typical negotiation book about theory and practice. Instead, Moshe delves expertly into many of the behavioral aspects of the negotiation process including overcoming fear and doubt and dealing with stress and anxiety.

In addition, Moshe expands on the material he covers in his negotiation class at Boston University by discussing concepts such as the tension between risk and opportunity and the fear of leaving value on the table which experienced negotiators will appreciate.

Whether you are a skilled negotiator or someone who is new to negotiations, I think you will find Collywobbles a valuable resource.

[Claudia · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great advice! This book is full of golden nuggets of wisdom and specific strategies for dealing with a myriad of emotionally charged situations. Unfortunately, it was a bit hard to read the second half. Once you realize the author is using the same sentence structures over and over again, it becomes an uphill battle for the brain.

[Elizabeth · Rating 5 out of 5]

Insights on the Inner Dimensions of Negotiating

Moshe Cohen gives compassionate insights into the inner dimensions of negotiation. This book is enlightening on how what makes us individual humans translates into our negotiation style and struggles. Provides great suggestions on how to recognize, work with, and improve our success negotiating for what we need and want.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Collywobbles is the term used for anxiety and nervousness and uncertainty we all experience from time to time. It is the perfect name for the book on how to deal with emotions when we negotiate. The idea of the impassioned negotiator who can leave their emotions at the door is a myth we tell ourselves. Where ever we are, our emotions are with us; there are no escaping them. This book tells us how to identify them, calm them, and use them to our advantage when we negotiate - and we negotiate every day.
Moshe Cohen uses the Emotional Response Curve to help people understand when the optimal time to negotiate is and how to avoid negotiating during the emotional reactive times when we are more likely to to do more harm then good to our negotiations.
Every negotiation is a risk and an opportunity and the story we tell ourselves makes all the difference. Sun Tzu in the Art of War said know yourself and know your enemy. Moshe Cohen says it again here with a series of practical examples of why we need to know ourselves, how we can get to know our negotiation style and comfort level with conflict, how we can prepare to know the other side and how to build the relationships that will bridge the divide.
While the book uses the term negotiation through out, in my head I switched it to mediation and it applied just as well. I strongly recommend this book to mediators who want to help their clients negotiate better in the mediation process.

Susan Glatki
Mediation Supervisor
Conflict Resolution and Mediation Professor HCC