Gone in an Instant Edition 1: Losing My Son Loving His Killer

Journeys Through Life #1

by Tammy Horvath

He was the most important part of my life …
and then he was gone.

I wasn’t angry with God for allowing this to happen. I listened to God and did most everything He told me to do, but He still chose to allow my son to get murdered. Gone in an Losing My Son, Loving His Killer takes you on a journey through my life as I struggle with the loss of my only child. It took me four agonizing months reliving every breath my son took as I wrote my memoir. Now I feel a weight has lifted. I pray my book will be an inspiration to anyone struggling with loss or forgiveness. It tells the story of my battle against my evil thoughts and how I persevered in faith. It’s about living another day to honor my son’s memory and to serve God.

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction

200 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 1, 2020

About the author

Whether climbing pyramids in Mexico, scaling glaciers in Iceland, or island hopping in the Caribbean, Tammy Horvath lives life to the full. She loves getting immersed in a good book (reading it on the beach), playing pool, or singing karaoke—although she’s severely voice challenged to the point where her husband only lets her sing at home. She has a background in real estate and insurance, and for over ten years, she’s volunteered with a Christian nonprofit that serves children at risk around the world.

WEBSITE/NEWSLETTER: www.tammyhorvath.com
TWITTER: https://twitter.com/thorvathauthor
INSTAGRAM: https://www.instagram.com/tammyhorvat...
FACEBOOK: https://www.facebook.com/Tammy-Horvat...
PINTEREST: https://www.pinterest.com/TammyHorvat...
YOUTUBE: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCaW9...

Reviews

[Wendy L. Scott-Hawkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

This memoir tells a story of loving, losing and then forgiving.
At a time when most of us would harbour anger for a terrible wrong doing, Tammy offers inspiration and love as part of her healing process.
I admire this strong and Godly woman for her honesty while penning her most intimate thoughts, feelings and reliving all the trauma through the pages of her life story.

[Ronald Mackay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy Horvath’s heartfelt “Gone in an Instant” will be read by different readers in different ways. There will be those who sympathize, those who condemn, those who lament, and those who are puzzled. I admit to reacting in all these ways though my dominant reaction is puzzlement. “Why?” I ask, “Why when our modern world offers so much that is good and wholesome, do so many choose the repugnant and the deranged? Wouldn’t it be simpler and wiser to choose the former?”

The stories that Tammy Horvath tells – for there are more than one – constantly asks that question implicitly. Alas, there appears to be no easy answer to it.

“Gone in an Instant” is first about the author’s childhood and adolescence and then about the birth and growth to late adolescence of her son Luke. The author offers a series of incidents that are as much unfathomable as they are unhappy. An abusive, often absent father who is alcoholic and thereby sabotages what might be a happy family. Children who are provided with leisure, have money to spend on themselves thereby glamourizing adolescence and turning it from a right of passage into a permanent state eschewing adulthood and its accompanying responsibilities.

From this social disorder, Tammy Horvath successfully embraces the tenets of Christ’s teaching, not so much to make sense of this world as to make the world a place in which life can continue.

For those who, like me, are puzzled by life, this book provides material for thought.

[Valerie Poore · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gone in an Instant is not in the genre I would normally read, but I bought the book because I was curious to know how anyone could forgive their child's killer. The scenario is one every parent dreads – I know I do – someone deliberately, or accidentally, takes the life of your beloved son or daughter. Having lived in a dangerous city where my own daughter was held up at knifepoint, I've lived through all the 'what if' possibilities. So I wanted to know how Tammy Horvath came to terms with her son's death.

This memoir is a rollercoaster that had me glued to my Kindle, and through its pages and the story of Tammy's life, I came to understand how the situation arose that ended in such tragedy. Her faith has been her salvation in many ways, but the act of forgiveness is something she chose to complete by freeing herself from her own destructive anger against her son's murderer. She has my utmost admiration and I have learned much about how to release the love that can open the door for forgiveness to enter. This was an extremely powerful and emotional memoir. I can recommend it to anyone needing to be free of bitterness and resentment.

[Chris · Rating 5 out of 5]

No mother expects her child to die before her. And the horror of finding that your child is not only dead, but has been murdered, is incomprehensible. Tammy writes a thought provoking and insightful book which not only covers her son's murder, but her life up to and beyond the event, which explains how she became the person who found it possible to forgive her son's killer. I'm overawed by her development from rebellious teenager to caring adult. This story and its lessons will stay with me for a long time.

[Janet Ferguson · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Gone in an Instant is a book any mother can connect with. The author's kind heart is apparent. It was so very touching. We've all been prodigals in our own way, yet God forgives us. Tammy is an example of showing God's grace in one of the hardest situations imaginable."

[D. Ferguson]

I had three reactions to this book--two positive and one disturbing.

First, I found the book quite interesting. That's saying a lot, as few books hold my interest. But Tammy's story hooked me in more than most novels. The book is definitely a page-turner.

Second, the main message of the book is one I believe is extremely important. She describes how she forgave the man who murdered her son. Many Christians seem to think anger, rather than mercy, is justified in cases where there is an extreme offense. Tammy's story illustrates how the greater the offense, the more mercy is called for--and the more God-like it is.

And she doesn't simply state that she forgave him but goes into considerable detail about all she felt and the emotions she experienced throughout the process. The scene in the courtroom with the killer moved me to the core.

I would like to recommend this book and shout about it from the housetops to get people to read it, so that people can see what a beautiful thing mercy really is.

However, there is a third element in the book that tempers my endorsement. A repeated theme in the book is the comfort the author receives from being certain her son is in heaven. I certainly hope he is! But my concern is over the basis upon which her confidence rests.

I got the impression from an early draft of the book that the author's confidence is based on her son's conversion experience. She seemed to be saying that if a person has a genuine conversion experience, that person will be in heaven even if he does not follow Christ after his conversion experience.

I spoke to the author about this concern, and her response was remarkable. She said, "Oh my! ... I don't want people to think accepting God as their Savior doesn't involve surrendering themselves and making Jesus Lord of their life." Even though we had this conversation on the very day of the deadline for her final manuscript, she spent the entire day making changes to the book to clarify the gospel.

I say that's remarkable because I know what it's like to reach publishing day after spending years on a book. At that point, after spending thousands of dollars on editing and proofreading and all the rest, you don't want to so much as move a comma, much less make any substantive changes. Mrs. Horvath is to be commended for placing the importance of the gospel above all!

I pray the changes will prevent anyone from getting the same impressions I initially had. I believe it is crucial that we be clear on exactly what a person must do to be saved. To be born again, a person must believe the truth about God and trust him--trust him so deeply that they happily turn their back on the world to embrace God's way.

Jesus put it in the most radical terms imaginable.

Luke 14:26-33
"If anyone comes to me and does not hate his father and mother, his wife and children, his brothers and sisters-- yes, even his own life-- he cannot be my disciple. And anyone who does not carry his cross and follow me cannot be my disciple. "Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Will he not first sit down and estimate the cost to see if he has enough money to complete it? For if he lays the foundation and is not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will ridicule him, saying, 'This fellow began to build and was not able to finish.' "Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Will he not first sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms of peace. In the same way, any of you who does not give up everything he has cannot be my disciple."

James 2 is a chapter devoted to describing two kinds of faith--one that can save and one that can't. The faith that can't save is dead because even though it believes the right things, it doesn't trust God enough to follow his way.

And not only is salvation dependent on faith, it is dependent on persevering faith. Not just a momentary conversion experience, but a faith that perseveres all the way to the end.

Colossians 1:22-23 But now he has reconciled you by Christ's physical body through death to present you holy in his sight, without blemish and free from accusation--if you continue in your faith, established and firm, not moved from the hope held out in the gospel.

Hebrews 3:14 We have come to share in Christ if we hold firmly till the end the confidence we had at first.

1 Corinthians 15:2 By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain.

Romans 11:22 Consider therefore the kindness and sternness of God: sternness to those who fell, but kindness to you, provided that you continue in his kindness. Otherwise, you also will be cut off.

One final point. This is a very minor issue-so minor that if you're not into semantics and precision in word use, you might want to just skip this part of my review.

For those who are word sticklers, here goes:

I think the term "mercy" might be a little more accurate way of describing what this book is about than "forgiveness." Most people think forgiveness is when you choose not to harbor bitterness, anger, or resentment and not to harbor thoughts about the person's wrongs. I believe a better word to describe all that is "mercy."

Forgiveness, I believe, goes farther. Forgiveness is the restoration of the broken relationship. That is why God requires us to ALWAYS show mercy, regardless of whether the person repents. But full forgiveness (restoration of the relationship) cannot happen unless the person repents. That's why we are not required to forgive unless the person repents (Luke 17:4). Not even God forgives unrepentant sinners. The relationship cannot be restored unless both sides come together.

For a book-length treatment of this view of forgiveness see The Christian Experience of Forgiveness
by H.R. Mackintosh (https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/3...).

Please don't misunderstand. I'm NOT saying it's okay to harbor resentment toward someone who has sinned against you and hasn't repented. We must not do that, because God calls us to show them mercy. And I don't know if I've read a more beautiful example of someone showing that mercy than in Tammy Horvath's "Gone in an Instant."

[Sue · Rating 5 out of 5]

What does it take to forgive your son’s murderer? Well for Tammy Horvath it is her faith in God and her personal strength. Having struggled through life with many horrendous family issues, Tammy always got up and brushed herself off, ready to begin again.

Tammy sets a standard for resilience in the face of adversity. She has had the strength to look back on her life and write about the struggles she faced in the hope of helping others find it in their hearts to forgive those who have hurt her. I strongly recommend this book

I was privileged to receive an advance copy of this book prior to its publication.

[Abigail · Rating 5 out of 5]

Having recently experienced a succession of family bereavements, I've lately found myself drawn towards expressions and articulations of others' experiences and wisdom on the topic of grief. As the mother of a young son, I was a little worried that the emotions in this book would be too overwhelming for me, and at times it was, emotionally speaking, a difficult read. This memoir takes the reader on a journey from the author's pre-motherhood days up to the point of her writing the story of her son's loss.

It was engagingly written and navigated multiple traumatic events with admirable candour. At the point in which the narrative turned toward the death of her son and her subsequent grief and questions about his loss (including attempts to offer comfort and forgiveness to his killer), it was difficult not to feel overcome by the devastation of Luke's death and the separation of mother and son. While I'm not of the same faith as the author, the devotional side of the text transmitted the sense of peace and acceptance the author had found through her faith, and, as a reader, I found comfort in this relation of a personal faith journey, and was inspired by author's message to show your loved ones how much you love them while they're still with us.

[Michael Copple · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book Gone in an Instant gives you a deep look into the author’s life, heart, spiritual life and her relationship with almighty God. Her story of her journey to forgive the killer of her son is an encouragement to anyone who has lost a child to murder. It will help you find the strength to forgive.
I would like to quote a powerful statement she made in her book: “Forgiveness is like an anchored ship. You need to lift the anchor before you can start moving in any direction or change direction. You cannot steer a ship with the anchor in place, but it becomes effortless to steer the ship once you lift the anchor. In the same way, in order to forgive, you need to choose to forgive.”
Tammy also clearly explains the saving grace of our Lord.
I highly recommend this book for anyone who is struggling to forgive.

[Tina · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was one of the hardest books I've ever read. Tammy reveals her early life unflinchingly; the choices she made, heartaches she caused herself and her family. It was heartbreaking to read about the years she struggled with her own and later her son's misguided choices and his fight against inner demons of drug and alcohol addictions. Then, after all she'd been through, to read of his murder...was absolutely devastating, to her as his mother, to me as someone who had bonded with her through reading her story. But through it all, and in the end...Jesus! He carried her, lifted her up, brought her not only a new, loving, Godly husband, but the strength and inner peace to be able to forgive her son's killer. What an incredible inspiration her story is. I pray someday to hear that the young man who brought such pain, would, through her love and forgiveness find his own way to Christ.

[Lisa Wright · Rating 5 out of 5]

Losing a child has to be every parent’s worst nightmare. Having that child murdered horrifically is beyond imagining for most of us, but not for Tammy Horvath.
Given the distressing subject, I was initially wary of reading ‘Gone in an Instant’, Tammy’s incredible memoir of love, loss, and forgiveness. I had, however, read so many reviews praising the book, I put my qualms aside and I’m so pleased I did.
‘Gone in an Instant’ is a powerful, well-written and candid memoir which draws the reader in and leaves you flapping, open mouthed in awe at Tammy’s resilience and strength.
Could I have forgiven the man who murdered my son? I really think I could not, but Tammy can, and does. She pulls no punches about her, or her son’s, past mistakes but rises incredibly above them all to forgive, even as she faces his killer. Wow!

[M.S. Peke · Rating 5 out of 5]

GONE IN AN INSTANT is an insightful account of a mother’s struggles in marriage and raising her child, with timely and helpful spiritual passages interjected throughout. Time should be taken to contemplate the readings as the story unfolds.

A heartbreaking story, but one that needs to be told, her ability to demonstrate true forgiveness is a model for others to follow, and her path to inner peace is a guide to see others through a similar crisis.

The passion and honesty the author expresses as she opens her heart is an inspiration and a beacon of hope to anyone struggling with parental issues. A must-read for anyone committed to deepening their faith.

[Charles · Rating 4 out of 5]

A long-standing maxim proclaims no book except the Bible is written for everyone. This one comes close to breaking that rule. Answer me this. Do you know anyone who has had no hurt feelings? Anyone who does not feel justified in being angry for what someone has done to them? I'm guessing you answered in the negative, so I say exactly. Few have experienced, thankfully not more, having a family member murdered. Even fewer can go on with their lives without the weight of anger and bitterness. Tammy Horvath's story shows the truth of God's word when he said impossible for man, but with God all things are possible.

[Patti Townley-Covert · Rating 5 out of 5]

Sometimes we'll do whatever we can to make a person love us. At the other extreme, maybe we'll refuse to forgive a person who makes self-destructive choices with the potential to destroy us. Through "Gone in an Instant," Tammy Horvath reveals a past filled with dysfunction, a grief no mother should bear, and the horrendous consequences of another's life-altering actions. Yet despite intense pain, she's set free from the past while developing the ability to love the unloveable and forgive the unforgiveable. This book will change lives.

[Veronica · Rating 5 out of 5]

To love and be loved is as basic to human well-being as eating and breathing. But sometimes misguided love can bring much grief. The author tells a moving story of losing her son to a murderer’s bullet, starting with long ago events that led up to the tragedy. I find it admirable that she’s willing to tell it all in order to help others in similar situations. Ms. Horvath is a big-hearted person and eventually finds guidance in the Bible. Through her capacity to love, she forgives her son’s murderer and finds peace. If only we could all do that, the world would be a much better place.

[Rebecca · Rating 5 out of 5]

What a turbulent and difficult life Tammy Horvath has had as a young woman and young mother. In this raw and honest memoir she descibes the bewildering choices she made in her youth, actions which only brought her despair and mental turmoil. She tells of her loving yet volatile relationship with her son Luke and of the events leading up to his tragic murder.
Distraught and bereft she turns again to God for answers and somehow finds he is always there for her in her hours of need. Incredibly, she finds it within herself to forgive her son's murderer and remarkably learns to forgive herself for her perceived transgressions and accept God's love and mercy in her life.
It doesn't take away grief, nothing can, but it gives her acceptance and the knowledge that she has a life to live and to enjoy. Her faith gives her the strength to face the future. It's a compelling and emotional read and I admire her sincerity.

[Kathy]

Review of Gone in an Instant by Tammy Horvath

This is a heart-wrenching, brutally honest account of the author’s life growing up and the choices she made that lead her to repeated unhappiness. She eventually comes to identify she was co-dependent most of her life with her husband and then their son. She loved her son unconditionally despite the ever-increasing signs of mental health issues that went undiagnosed. She lost him when he turned 19 years old.

The author dives deeply into the concept of forgiveness. To move on with her life, she learns not only did she need to forgive her son’s killer, but she also needed to forgive herself for all her “bad” choices in life. She comes to understand, “The people who are the most difficult to love are the ones who need love the most.”

If you enjoy inspirational memoirs or if you or someone you know have suffered trauma, you’ll appreciate Gone in an Instant. It helps the reader identify issues in their own life and opens the path to forgiveness. I give it five out of five stars.

Thank you, Tammy Horvath, for sending me this book as a prize through the We Love Memoirs Facebook group.

[Michelle Segrest · Rating 5 out of 5]

Confronting pain, finding forgiveness, and going through the healing process are all important ingredients for surviving any trauma. And as many of us know, it's not as easy as it sounds. I believe that forgiveness is the hardest part, but the author demonstrates how that is also perhaps the most important part of opening your heart and finding peace again.

"Gone in an Instant" will rip you to shreds and then force you take a deep examination about the way you live your life.

I cannot imagine the pain of losing a child in any way, but to forgive his killer is something I can't imagine even considering. Tammy teaches us that forgiveness is not so much for the person you forgive - rather, forgiveness makes our own hearts whole again. Her tremendous strength, fueled by her tender and genuine faith, are truly an inspiration.

Anyone who has suffered severe trauma may find parts of the book triggering. But if you push through to the end, you will find comfort, strength, and healing in Tammy's unbelievably powerful story.

[Riley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a free copy

5 stars for the story and the narration as I listened to the audio.

Could you forgive someone who murdered your child? Personally I am unsure. Intellectually I agreed with Tammy's philosophy on forgiveness but when I envisioned myself in her shoes, I don't think I could ever embody forgiveness to the extent Tammy does. It is hard to fathom which is what make this story so miraculous. This is a remarkable story of a remarkable woman's journey to forgiveness.

This book does heavily discuss God, however it is a vital part to Tammy's journey and is the heart of the story. I encourage those hesitant about religion to approach this with an open mind as her story is worth hearing.

I really hope this book gets made into a movie to reach a larger audience. I also highly recommend listening to the audio version. There is nothing better than hearing an author's story in their own voice.

[Wendy Leo-Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was reading a novel which featured a mother who supposedly forgave her teenage son’s murderer and I couldn’t understand how that could be. Then I discovered this memoir of someone actually doing it in real life and felt compelled to read it not realising it was a Christian book, which more than likely makes it a 4 star rather than 5.

The story is compelling and heart rendering and I greatly admire Tammy’s inner strength to survive all that life has thrown at her and then to share it to help others which is no easy thing. As for the Christian bit, I have my own thoughts and beliefs on faith and religion but I did find some of the readings reaffirming along with her thoughts on forgiveness, something I have a bit of an issue with in some parts of my life.

I highly recommend it, Christian or not, there is a lot to be learned from Gone in an Instant.

[Sverrir Sigurdsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

How does a person forgive her son's murderer? Obeying the Christian edict to forgive one’s enemies is one way, but for Ms. Horvath, it goes much deeper. She tries to understand her son’s murderer and when she faces him in court, she approaches him with sympathy, even love, and forgiveness. However, there’s one more person she needs to forgive. As parents, we often blame ourselves when something terrible happens to our children. We blame ourselves for not protecting the young and some of us believe it’s retribution for some past sin we’ve committed. Ms. Horvath is no different. She reflects on her youth and escapades of those days. In the end, she understands her frailty and forgives herself. This is when she truly finds peace.

[M Schultz · Rating 5 out of 5]

How is it possible to forgive the person who murdered your son? I cannot think of many more dreadful situations to exact vengeance than making the person who killed your child pay with their life.
The author clearly describes this problem because she lived through it. She faced her son's death and came through it with the support of many loving people and our heavenly father. She could have made it without the former but not the latter.
We have all lost loved ones at one time or another but not often to personal violence. Many of us have lost our loved ones to a disease or an unrecoverable accident, we had time to say our goodbyes, which is very comforting for us who are left behind.
If you want to know more then read the book.
I give "Gone in an Instant" 5 stars!

[Denise Burke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy writes with such vulnerability letting us into the depths of her life and her loss. As a mother myself who has lost children though mine was through pregnancy loss I understand the pain and heartbreak well💔 Tammy you are brave, strong and courageous. Showing forgiveness after one of the most heartbreaking things happens to you the loss of your own child really spoke to me in my own life journey. God bless you Tammy 🙏

[Judy Middleton · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really admire Tammy for telling her story from the heart. Her story is compelling because we all face the possibility of the death of a loved one. We all make tragic and distressing mistakes and want to know if we can rise above them. At the end of the day, is there hope? Am I alone? Tammy’s book addresses all these things and more. I enjoyed her conversational tone and am already reading her sequel.

[Linda Foster · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gritty, honest telling of a totally gripping & devastating story. Tammy’s candidness is raw & bold. Her faith in God is bold too. He’s always been there with her in good times & bad. She’s often ignored Him. But now she’s a mighty warrior for God. Her courage in what she’s faced is remarkable. Her love & forgiveness shine through. Bless you Tammy.
I received a copy from the author, & I am writing a voluntary honest review

[Della Yurasek Csehoski · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book takes you through a mother's heartache and pain. You can feel the author's emotions as you read. You will hurt when the author hurts and feel relief knowing she came through.
One woman's story of how faith got her through the worst thing anyone could imagine.
Even though you know the outcome you still hope for a different outcome.

[Janay Abale · Rating 5 out of 5]

Tammy is so honest in the way she talks about her life and the mistakes she made. She walks the reader through every parent's worse nightmare, losing her son to murder. But ultimately she shows how and why she forgives her son's killer. Reading her struggle will help you deal with your own unforgiveness.

[Elora Canne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I think this is one of THE most heartfelt memoirs I have ever read. The authors angst in her seeming wrongdoings was so genuine one couldn’t help but feel for her. Ultimately her story is about forgiveness of self and others and is very sympathetically told.

[Jessica Dawn Birks · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartfelt and deep

Really heart felt and deep journey through grief and faith. It is an inspirational tale and one I would reccomend to anyone whether they are going through a crisis of fath or not, this story would surely restore it

[Riah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Inspirational

Thank you for opening up your heart to share. I can't imagine the heartbreak that you endured. I found your straightforward way of telling your story to be inspirational. The scripture intertwined within was uplifting.