Vanilla Slim: An Improbable Pimp in the Empire of Lust

by Bob Armstrong

On December 8, 2002, the San Francisco Chronicle published an article by "Insight" contributor Bob Armstrong titled "Zen Dolls: Confessions of a Pimp in the Pod." In the article, Bob briefly recounted his adventures running an "escort" service before being arrested on March 27, 2002, on one count of pimping and two counts of selling drugs, all the while working as a freelance journalist. He spent time in the county lock-up where fellow inmates dubbed him "Vanilla Slim," but with a clean record he got off with 19 days served and three years probation. Articulate, argumentative, engaging, and witty, Armstrong is the philosopher-pimp: a college-educated, 50-something-year-old man, hip to San Francisco's various ethnic and cultural scenes, and hip to the city's history. Beautifully described in a kind of Bukowski-esque style, Armstrong relates the stories of his Zen Dolls with compassion and insight. Charging $500 a session, he's a cultural and sex industry critic, whose need to live a life of danger led him to think there was some good money and good times to be had by running a high-end operation. Armstrong's rise and fall is a rollercoaster ride through a life lived on the edge.

Genres: Nonfiction

234 pages, Paperback

First published December 18, 2005

Reviews

[Kevin · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book intrigued me: It was hyped on the jacket as "a lyrical, unsentimental, and comic tour de force about the rise and fall of a middle-aged, highly educated, NPR-listening pimp". I thought there must be a good story behind that, and was hoping to hear about some insights into the inner workings of his escort service, and how he got caught.

There wasn't much insight into how the escort service worked, because sounds like there just wasn't much to it. He put ads in the paper and everything just fell in place from there. Also, he only operated this escort service for 8 months. And as far as how he got caught, that doesn't happen until near the end of the book, and he never says why the police targeted him. Must be it was just some random sting of an escort agency? He doesn't say, maybe he doesn't know himself. Either way, that was a letdown.

But overall this book frustrated me because it's obvious this guy's ego is out of control. He thinks he's super-intelligent and you can tell in his mind this book is some big work of art. He surrounds himself with dumb women who he can spout nonsense to and they'll think he's the smartest guy in the world, because if he surrounded himself with other intelligent people they would realize he's full of it. For example, there's a part where he's talking to one of his prostitutes about the nature of color and whether color is "in" an object. "For sure the colors can't be in things or the air, apples and clouds of many hues clear that up. Are colors just in our minds or out there? I'd go with out there somewhere. Are there real colors and apparent colors? If so, how do you tell the difference? Is it all about light?" Oh he goes on & on and it's too ridiculous to quote it all. She eats it all up and talks about how deep he's being, when of course he's being a total moron. You know people have actually studied the phenominon of "color" right?? How cones in your eyes pick up light that gets reflected off of objects, your brain turns that into an image...? High school kids learn this stuff, it's not a philosophical question.

I can't say this book was a total waste of time, because I always appreciate getting a different perspective on things, and despite its flaws, it did present a world I was unaccustomed to. However, I always feel like I need to finish books that I start, otherwise I wouldn't have bothered.

[Mike · Rating 2 out of 5]

To his dubious credit, Vanilla Slim is a better writer than he is a pimp. As a how-to manual for pimping, this book falls decidedly short. In his own world-weary, self-deprecating manner, however, Vanilla Slim conceals a few gems in the otherwise jaded pages of his pimping memoirs. Here's one quote that I found endearing if not altogether redeeming:

"And yet, when you're a native and you light out of Portland on the run and you see the steel bridges over the Willamette River recede in the distance, you feel like the last flower picked up in the sweepings of the Rose Parade".

Slim's memoirs are tinged by the sadness of the outsider, but they occasionally reflect the calm of the outsider who has given up caring about his own worldly achievements. And in spite of his unsavory profession he is pleasantly free from misogyny. He concludes his book with this pithy appreciation:

"No matter how badly we screw up, the women go easy on us."

[J.C. · Rating 3 out of 5]

More like 2 1/2 stars as opposed to three. A decent biography yes, but kind of boring and pompous in some places. My main complaint can be reflected in the scene involving his first "art porn" film. It starts of funny and entertaining with some snappy dialogue but he doesn't know when to quit and the scene keeps dragging on and on with an unfulfilled climax. The book is kind of like that as well. Hope you are not looking for a resolution either, cause there isn't one. And one question... how much of his meth addicted mind is really remembering details of his life and not just fantasies?

[Samantha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I guess I should've kept low expectations for this one, but unfortunately for me, I didn't. I especially hated it when he spoke of himself in the 3rd person referring to himself under his alias. Now I'm stuck associating him with every skinny white man I see in the TL. Well, not every...but just enough.

[Jenn · Rating 4 out of 5]

In places, the writing was a bit too contrived (which is where I guess you can tell he's a journalist) but the story was interesting and he even had his come uppance in the end.