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An Effort to Understand: Hearing One Another (and Ourselves) in a Nation Cracked in Half
This new collection of essays from rhetoric authority and celebrated writing blogger David Murray applies his signature blend of humor and heart to a free-wheeling conversation about how we communicate in America “An insightful book packed with wonderful writing, practical advice, and hope for a better, kinder future.” —Jonathan Eig, author of A Life You’re ready to give up. Throw up your hands and walk out the door. You don't know what else to say—to some dear family and close friends, let alone the crazy strangers that seem to populate half the country. You're ready to read An Effort to Understand . But don’t worry. This is not a book about civility. Instead, David Murray (blogger, speechwriter, rhetoric authority, and professional curmudgeon) is urging readers to join him in a near-spiritual movement, one that pushes us to consider communication as more than a means of persuading others to our way of thinking, but as a way of thinking all its own. With his signature blend of wit, warmth, and four-letter words, Murray’s essays tackle subjects from the specter of cancel culture and the responsibilities of citizenship to the art of dealing with annoying neighbors and the challenges of talking to kids about injustice. His words show that the personal and political gulfs between us are small compared to our common desire to connect. It may be a last-ditch effort, but Americans have a chance at trust, peace, and solidarity if we make an effort to speak more honestly and listen to understand. Because when it comes to communication, we’re all the bad guys. Thankfully, we have a chance to be the good guys too.
- GenresPoliticsNonfiction
225 pages, Paperback
Published March 2, 2021
8 people are currently reading
1112 people want to read
About the author
David Murray
312 books11 followersLibrarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.
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Displaying 1 - 23 of 23 reviews
March 1, 2021
“We have to make an effort in the United States,” a trembling Robert F. Kennedy told a grief-stricken crowd immediately after the assassination of Martin Luther King. “We have to make an effort to understand.” A half-century later, how are we doing in our effort to understand? We’ve had so many “national conversations about race,” we are blue in the face. Online discussions instantly devolve into attempted rhetorical murder. People dread their family holiday dinners and exchange tips on how to avoid controversial—read, meaningful—subjects. As the nation staggers from one of the most contentious presidential elections in its history to the next, it seems communication can’t solve anything. David Murray hasn't given up.
Murray is the author of the memoir Raised by Mad Men, about his 1960s-era advertising parents. Murray has spent his whole career at the center of a community of professional communicators, writing on political, business and personal communication for three decades. In An Effort to Understand, Murray shares his insights—challenging, entertaining, funny and often intensely personal—to help Americans communicate more effectively with the people they love, the people they work with and even the friends and strangers who they confront from across the political divide. But first: with themselves.
Through observational examples from contemporary culture and his personal life, Murray shows you:
• How to listen more carefully.
• How to choose battles more wisely.
• How to avoid insulting people accidentally.
• How to think more generously.
• How to argue more productively.
• How to repair a relationship (and when to stop trying).
• How to use humor as a salve and not a hammer.
• How to make more peace in your life, and contribute to a more cohesive family, community, workplace and society.
It is an accessible, thought-provoking and timely read and one I feel is filled with tips that would be beneficial to everyone. Above all, it calls for compassion, empathy and understanding in a world that appears to be sorely and severely lacking all three. As Robert Kennedy said in his speech the last time America was so wounded, “What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence or lawlessness; but love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country.” This book is an attempt to help us treat one another the way we all know we must. This book is An Effort to Understand.
Murray is the author of the memoir Raised by Mad Men, about his 1960s-era advertising parents. Murray has spent his whole career at the center of a community of professional communicators, writing on political, business and personal communication for three decades. In An Effort to Understand, Murray shares his insights—challenging, entertaining, funny and often intensely personal—to help Americans communicate more effectively with the people they love, the people they work with and even the friends and strangers who they confront from across the political divide. But first: with themselves.
Through observational examples from contemporary culture and his personal life, Murray shows you:
• How to listen more carefully.
• How to choose battles more wisely.
• How to avoid insulting people accidentally.
• How to think more generously.
• How to argue more productively.
• How to repair a relationship (and when to stop trying).
• How to use humor as a salve and not a hammer.
• How to make more peace in your life, and contribute to a more cohesive family, community, workplace and society.
It is an accessible, thought-provoking and timely read and one I feel is filled with tips that would be beneficial to everyone. Above all, it calls for compassion, empathy and understanding in a world that appears to be sorely and severely lacking all three. As Robert Kennedy said in his speech the last time America was so wounded, “What we need in the United States is not division; what we need in the United States is not hatred; what we need in the United States is not violence or lawlessness; but love and wisdom, and compassion toward one another, and a feeling of justice toward those who still suffer within our country.” This book is an attempt to help us treat one another the way we all know we must. This book is An Effort to Understand.
December 5, 2020
I love this book.
I am neither an American nor residing in America but I too know all too well what discord is and when politics divides people, in Kenya we had post-election violence and lost so many people in a span of a year, and the healing is something we are barely scratching the surface of, since 2007.
The timing of this book is perfect, and with living online now that we are physically distanced, it seems like we speak over each other, over each like, retweet, comment, share...anything to have the last word but never the peaceful word.
My favorite part of this book was reading on civility. Thanks Netgalley for the eARC, I would definitely recommend this to anyone interested in communication and how to speak and listen and grow from a conversation.
I am neither an American nor residing in America but I too know all too well what discord is and when politics divides people, in Kenya we had post-election violence and lost so many people in a span of a year, and the healing is something we are barely scratching the surface of, since 2007.
The timing of this book is perfect, and with living online now that we are physically distanced, it seems like we speak over each other, over each like, retweet, comment, share...anything to have the last word but never the peaceful word.
My favorite part of this book was reading on civility. Thanks Netgalley for the eARC, I would definitely recommend this to anyone interested in communication and how to speak and listen and grow from a conversation.
March 1, 2021
My old friend David Murray demonstrates his writerly chops in this exquisite collection of essays from the last decade or so. He's a writer of the old school: someone who cares about the craft, about precision, and about well-designed sentences. If you want to improve your own writing, there is no better place to start than with this set of essays.
November 22, 2021
I received a free copy of this via Goodreads giveaways.
While the majority of this was entertaining and well-written, I don't think the title's promise was achieved in this collection. It was mostly very short opinions about the idea of communication, with a sprinkle of advice.
6/10
While the majority of this was entertaining and well-written, I don't think the title's promise was achieved in this collection. It was mostly very short opinions about the idea of communication, with a sprinkle of advice.
6/10
September 17, 2021
I liked this book. The chapters are named well. Each little short bits have practical advice to have a kinder future. This is a timely book because it seems like the country is in an upheavel now and people cannot communicate in any respectful way.
September 7, 2021
No one understands communication and its potential for change more than David Murray, and here David focuses that incredible insight toward a noble purpose: making our discourse more civil, respectful, and uplifting. A powerful and engrossing read.
April 21, 2021
I like this kind of book. It's full of seemingly common-sense wisdom that isn't so common. It's full of lots of stories some of which provide lessons and some of which simply made me think or smile. This book is like reading a "Everything I needed to know I learned in Kindergarten" type book. A light easy read, perfect reading bit by bit out on the back porch or before heading to sleep. It just feels right, like your favorite blue jeans or an old pair of slippers.
April 6, 2021
This series of short essays is thought provoking in any easy to consume manner. The author is candid, humble and unapologetic in assessing communication tactics used in all facets of life: home, work & community. Highly recommend for anyone looking to improve their communication skills!
May 24, 2022
I heard the author interviewed on a morning radio show, and I liked his verbal intelligence and wit. His book matches that tone perfectly.
The cover illustration might lead one to believe this is a treatise about right and left politics in the United States and how to get along. It’s not. It’s a series of bite-sized musings about rhetorical theory. The way humans communicate, through speech specifically. With more than a little psychology about how we try to present ourselves. It’s juicy stuff. And Murray is an adept, treating writing as a craft.
Murray shares the wisdom he’s gained over the years as a professional speech writer, journalist, editor, publisher and blogger. He’s also from Ohio, which was a bonus for me, but the book is much broader than the midwest experience. Murray comments on human communication in general. Politics, family and professional growth are all in play. An engaging read, full of anecdotes like Lyndon Johnson choosing to attribute an Aristotle quote to his own father: “Like my ole daddy used to say...”
Personal highlights:
“Real Bonding in a Virtual World”
Murray’s self-described “snotty” essay about “the New Mutes” is a wonderfully amusing indictment of those like myself who'd rather text, IM, DM, email: any possible means of communication other than make a phone call.
“Other Life, Not So Far Away,” an essay about halfway through the book splitting a motorcycle ride through rural Illinois with another author’s take on why people vote as they do. A really nice juxtaposition and some bracing thoughts on why people feel alientated.
From "Killing the Conversational Assassin Within Us All":
“I have at least a few conversational assassins in my life. They are actually warm and caring people, big smilers, and easy huggers – and bright! But talking to them is utterly horrible, because they are the exact opposite of [civilized] communicators. Conversational assassins are not terrible people. They're just terrible people to talk to, because they gravitate toward disagreement, like moths to a flaming asshole.”
The cover illustration might lead one to believe this is a treatise about right and left politics in the United States and how to get along. It’s not. It’s a series of bite-sized musings about rhetorical theory. The way humans communicate, through speech specifically. With more than a little psychology about how we try to present ourselves. It’s juicy stuff. And Murray is an adept, treating writing as a craft.
Murray shares the wisdom he’s gained over the years as a professional speech writer, journalist, editor, publisher and blogger. He’s also from Ohio, which was a bonus for me, but the book is much broader than the midwest experience. Murray comments on human communication in general. Politics, family and professional growth are all in play. An engaging read, full of anecdotes like Lyndon Johnson choosing to attribute an Aristotle quote to his own father: “Like my ole daddy used to say...”
Personal highlights:
“Real Bonding in a Virtual World”
Murray’s self-described “snotty” essay about “the New Mutes” is a wonderfully amusing indictment of those like myself who'd rather text, IM, DM, email: any possible means of communication other than make a phone call.
“Other Life, Not So Far Away,” an essay about halfway through the book splitting a motorcycle ride through rural Illinois with another author’s take on why people vote as they do. A really nice juxtaposition and some bracing thoughts on why people feel alientated.
From "Killing the Conversational Assassin Within Us All":
“I have at least a few conversational assassins in my life. They are actually warm and caring people, big smilers, and easy huggers – and bright! But talking to them is utterly horrible, because they are the exact opposite of [civilized] communicators. Conversational assassins are not terrible people. They're just terrible people to talk to, because they gravitate toward disagreement, like moths to a flaming asshole.”
January 9, 2021
{Digital copy provided by NetGalley}
This is a series of essays loosely connected into a book about communication and overcoming social barriers in the titular effort to understand one another. Engagingly told and amply supported by anecdotes both personal and historical, this book has a lot to offer, from beautiful prose to good advice. While I certainly appreciated that, and had a decent time reading, I also had a lot of issues with it. Some opinions are presented as applying more universally than they actually do, the author uses he or she instead of saying they which is not only briefer but more inclusive, and is rather disconnected or old-fashioned on a few issues for a book to be published in 2021, such as saying “At this writing, a Mr. PewDiePie is the most popular YouTuber in the world, with 102 million subscribers. Have you heard of him?” and “But YouTube videos do not strong, powerful women make.” The political aspects had a bit of both-sides-ing at times which considering recent events comes across as somewhat tone deaf. Further, the author’s comparison between his previous more ruthless writing style and his current supposedly more empathetic one and grounding it in the current political climate is a bit odd, since only caring about or understanding something you yourself have experienced is a pretty narrow scope of empathy in my view. Maybe it is because I am in my early 20s, but I just couldn’t connect with this book as much as I wanted to, despite a good few incredibly funny and poignant chapters.
This is a series of essays loosely connected into a book about communication and overcoming social barriers in the titular effort to understand one another. Engagingly told and amply supported by anecdotes both personal and historical, this book has a lot to offer, from beautiful prose to good advice. While I certainly appreciated that, and had a decent time reading, I also had a lot of issues with it. Some opinions are presented as applying more universally than they actually do, the author uses he or she instead of saying they which is not only briefer but more inclusive, and is rather disconnected or old-fashioned on a few issues for a book to be published in 2021, such as saying “At this writing, a Mr. PewDiePie is the most popular YouTuber in the world, with 102 million subscribers. Have you heard of him?” and “But YouTube videos do not strong, powerful women make.” The political aspects had a bit of both-sides-ing at times which considering recent events comes across as somewhat tone deaf. Further, the author’s comparison between his previous more ruthless writing style and his current supposedly more empathetic one and grounding it in the current political climate is a bit odd, since only caring about or understanding something you yourself have experienced is a pretty narrow scope of empathy in my view. Maybe it is because I am in my early 20s, but I just couldn’t connect with this book as much as I wanted to, despite a good few incredibly funny and poignant chapters.
July 5, 2022
Series of essays on how to communicate during this hard time in the country. He starts with broad strokes on dealing with leaders, politicians, and strangers then makes the focus smaller to collegues, family, friends, and neighbors. I found the broad strokes interesting but not full of ways to communicate as I am not out in the public much anymore. I found it much more interesting the last two chapters of the book when he talks about the smaller sphere of influence around me--friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors. He has a lot of good ideas on how to communicate so you are understood and can understand what the other party is saying. Also gives some good advice on words not to use. I did like certain essays better. The one on asking for what you want is especially applicable (first section of book.) I laughed over the chapter when he talks about those people who will not pick up a phone or do a face-to-face meeting (Read Bonding in the Virtual World, chapter 5.) Most of the last two chapters are good because they are so relatable as I could see people I know in these situations.
This is a book that is quick to read, if you want to read it quick. Or you could use it as a bathroom book where you read one essay per visit as each essay is short and thought provoking. I'm glad I read these.
This is a book that is quick to read, if you want to read it quick. Or you could use it as a bathroom book where you read one essay per visit as each essay is short and thought provoking. I'm glad I read these.
January 24, 2021
This book was perfectly titled because it was "an effort to understand" two hundred and twenty five pages of of very boring opinions and insights. The book centers heavily on when you cannot understand or accept someone else's point of view and still remain civil and or friendly. WAY WAY WAY TOO MUCH discussion about Trump supporters of all kinds. I am registered as an independent voter because I like to see both of sides of the political spectrum, but I am soured by Trump's presidency as a whole. He used the presidency as a status symbol and not the highest government position anyone can hold. Plus all the violence because of him. So much toxic behavior, toxic violence for four years.
This book was just a no as a while. No practical advice. Do not bother.
All thoughts and opinions are my own. Thanks to Netgalley, David Murray and Independent Book Publishers Association Member Titles for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Available: 3/2/21
This book was just a no as a while. No practical advice. Do not bother.
All thoughts and opinions are my own. Thanks to Netgalley, David Murray and Independent Book Publishers Association Member Titles for an ARC in exchange for an honest review.
Available: 3/2/21
March 5, 2022
Thank you to Goodreads for this advanced copy! This is a series of essays on communication. The book is broken up into sections too: from philisophical to to the political to the social toward the personal. It doesn't necessarily have to be read in any certain order for this reason but every section has some insight on good communication: why we need it, why we struggle with it and what its really all about. I am from a town about 25 minutes from where he grew up so I found his insight interesting about that particular topic! One of the parts that really resonated with me was as he was talking about "insiders" and "outsiders" and how even though one wants to talk about and point blame at the other side than them we need both to succeed in life! He starts and ends the book with a speech Bobby Kennedy gave about making an effort to understand other people than ourselves. This was an important speech then and sadly still needs to be something we do every day!
November 22, 2021
An Effort to Understand by David Murray
9781633310483
225 Pages
Publisher: Disruption Books
Release Date: March 2, 2021
Nonfiction, Communication Skills, Opinion, Humor, Social Science, Essays
This book is compiled of short essays on a multitude of topics. Some of them made me laugh, a couple I disagreed with, and many made me think. That to me is a great book especially one on communications. Right now, so many people are skewed one way or the other and are not open to listening to other opinions openly.
The author gives his thoughts and opinions on how this can be done without open hostility. Who knew the question, “pass me the salt?” could be fighting words at the table? This is an excellent book to share with others to improve communication skills in business and personal life. It certainly made me rethink how I phrase sentences.
9781633310483
225 Pages
Publisher: Disruption Books
Release Date: March 2, 2021
Nonfiction, Communication Skills, Opinion, Humor, Social Science, Essays
This book is compiled of short essays on a multitude of topics. Some of them made me laugh, a couple I disagreed with, and many made me think. That to me is a great book especially one on communications. Right now, so many people are skewed one way or the other and are not open to listening to other opinions openly.
The author gives his thoughts and opinions on how this can be done without open hostility. Who knew the question, “pass me the salt?” could be fighting words at the table? This is an excellent book to share with others to improve communication skills in business and personal life. It certainly made me rethink how I phrase sentences.
March 8, 2022
It can get so old, having to listen to each other in America. That hopeless frustration you feel when the cacophony hits 11 is what David Murray addresses in “An Effort to Understand.”
The author makes a strong case against fatalism. As the noise grows meaner, so must we redouble the effort to connect with our fellow citizens. With humor and clarity, Murray acknowledges the challenge of resurrecting our discourse and offers tools one can use to do their part in a job that’s bigger than any single voice.
Reluctantly or not, it is an effort we all must make should we have any hope at all of softening the barriers that wall us off ideologically from one another in the United States. As Murray explains in this collection of essays, it’s not for its own sake that we do this. It has to be done because there is always another bottom, and we won’t like what we see when we get there.
The author makes a strong case against fatalism. As the noise grows meaner, so must we redouble the effort to connect with our fellow citizens. With humor and clarity, Murray acknowledges the challenge of resurrecting our discourse and offers tools one can use to do their part in a job that’s bigger than any single voice.
Reluctantly or not, it is an effort we all must make should we have any hope at all of softening the barriers that wall us off ideologically from one another in the United States. As Murray explains in this collection of essays, it’s not for its own sake that we do this. It has to be done because there is always another bottom, and we won’t like what we see when we get there.
February 28, 2021
An Effort To Understand by David Murray is a collection of essays about communication with others. This book includes essays from "the philosophical to the professional to the political to the social to the personal." Murray gives his thoughts regarding understanding others in every walk of life. I really feel like this book was rather unnecessary since the author could have just said that the key to understanding others is really as simple as listening and giving one's undivided attention to people when they are speaking. Thanks to NetGalley for the free digital review copy. All opinions are my own.
December 28, 2020
"An Effort to Understand", by David Murray, speaks to the problems Americans have today of listening to those who differ from us. By sharing personal anecdotes and historical quotes, Murray seeks to convince his readers to understand why others may have different opinions than we do. I felt that the book was fairly helpful, but didn't offer much practical advice. Also, the author spent too much time maligning Trump and his supporters.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.
Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.
July 10, 2021
We could all stand to be better communicators and David Murray shares a lot of helpful insight into communication and how we can improve. This is really geared toward those who live in the United States, as there are a lot of cultural references that wouldn't apply to anyone who lived somewhere else, but I think many of the ideas Murray writes about are universal. *Advance copy provided by the publisher in exchange for my honest review.
October 2, 2021
An Effort To Understand is a book of essays that has been published at the perfect time! Murray is a talented, top-notch writer and his efforts do not go unnoticed. Some essays are personal, some work-related and some political and the author teaches you how to be an effective communicator in all situations. Every single American right now needs to read this book! Highly recommend!
November 29, 2021
I received this book through the Goodreads giveaways program. I found the essays in this book thought provoking, especially about my biased, and how these impact how I communicate and view others. This book is timely, and probably will have relevance in years to come.
April 8, 2022
Strong start, but the book didn’t really provide any of the insights it promised. I enjoyed the essays, but the author didn’t provide any solutions to heal the nation.
I received a copy of this book from a publisher giveaway.
I received a copy of this book from a publisher giveaway.
June 20, 2025
3.5/5 but rounding up. interesting listen. I would be interested to see how some things may have changed in the last few years since this was originally written. everything has become more divisive and people are doing worse at understanding others.
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