Besharam: On Love and Other Bad Behaviors

by Priya Alika Elias

"Elias is bold, more-so she is inquisitive. . . . This book is pithy, it's smart. I'm glad it exists."  —Fariha Róisín, author of  Like a Bird    Essays by an emerging writer that touch on themes of family, culture, body image, sex, and feminism  Besharam roughly translates to "shameless" in Hindi. This collection from Indian writer Priya-Alika Elias is a bold, sassy, and brilliantly written book on love, dating, body image, consent, and other issues that women today relate to and men should be thinking about.   Elias reflects on, and challenges, the ideas of how women are told by society to be humble, obedient, and ashamed of their actions and desires.   Her writing is fresh, feminist, and thought-provoking, disrupting taboos and exploring what it means to be a young woman in today's world. 

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Feminism, Womens, Indian Literature

208 pages, Paperback

First published April 1, 2019

Reviews

[Sivananthi T · Rating 4 out of 5]

A book written for young Indian women navigating identity, autonomy and agency and the obstacles they come up against. Its fascinating simply because there are parts so completely relatable to every single Indian woman, whether from the motherland or diaspora - provides a basis for our common experience.

[Mohamed · Rating 5 out of 5]

I truly loved reading Besharam, even if it broke my heart in many ways along the way. Priya discusses honestly and clearly many issues that relate to being an Indian woman in the world today, and a lot of these resonate with me, even if I'll never experience the world like she does. Issues pertaining to being a person of color, being a woman, living in a culture so unlike one's own, the weight of expectations...All of these are discussed with kindness and warmth, but also with strength and ferocity when necessary. And it is all told through a singular voice and character that maintains a throughline from one chapter to the next. Perhaps it's because I've been following the author on twitter for many years, but by now it feels like she's sitting there and expressing her thoughts about these things to me.

Besharam is funny, illuminating and an absolutely necessary read.

[Ratik · Rating 4 out of 5]

@Indians: if there is one book you read this year, let it be this one.

[Debdatta Chakraborty · Rating 3 out of 5]

"The word 'shameless' is deeply gendered. How many men have you heard being called shameless? It may be jokingly applied, but it is difficult to think of a man who has been adjudged 'besharam' in all seriousness. No no, besharam is for women who want things, who are fearless about voicing those wants, who are frankly unapologetic about it"
Besharam by Priya Alika Elias is an excellent non fiction book giving the insights of every women existing today, their needs, their desires, their relationships, their sacrifices and their belief in beauty of different kind. The author has compiled a collection of all the things possibly going on in every women's life and they have to deal with it either with tolerance, or going beyond boundaries and called as besharam. The myths, and conceptions in society with petriarchy, underestimating every tiny choice or voice of women, whether it's about sexual equality or about their own body. Wives being judged for getting promotion at office with words harsh beyong limits, aunties judging girls by their physical growth and everything possible.

The first half of the book is excellent, i mean we all should read and understand how our mind is kept in dark about women for ages, till date where men enjoy liberty in every sphere without the fear of being labelled as "Besharam". The second half is mostly the same things repeatedly said. However, they are much needed to be understood and accept.

I recommend this book to all seeking for some badass read as this time of society where length of skirts decide whether she is hook up material or wife material or whatsoever this male dominated hypocrite society calls it.

It's hard to be a girl, and even harder to be a good Indian girl.

[Selva · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book came recommended on Twitter as part of impressive feminist literature written in recent times. My take on feminism was that it meant equal opportunities or equality in every sense possible between men and women. Ofcourse, I used to dislike male bashing in every which way possible by some women, especially women of privilege, who have an easy life as far as I can see than the average male of today. They talk like men carry no responsibility at all. There are faults in the ways of men and in the ways of women. So I picked this book to understand a female gaze at things.
It is a collection of essays written by the author based on her own life experiences of living in India and the US from a feminist perspective. To my surprise, I liked it a lot more than expected. I understood that there are things you fail to see unless you are a female. Like she had explained how she saw a scene in the movie Pulp Fiction from a woman's perspective which I think would miss most men. I found this collection interesting, funny, you could say enlightening too. It is not a bore at all which I think is the best thing about the book. Recommended.

[Manisha · Rating 2 out of 5]

I found this at my favorite bookstore and was super intrigued. Alas, I'm a gullible prey for book blurbs!

There's nothing new or fresh about this book, it's the same jaded take that every woman knows already.

There's also many things factually incorrect about this book; I wonder how much research went into it. The most glaring of these being the bit about the Badaun case which seems to have been written with no fact checking and only sensationalist media clips for research material.

[Prasanna Dommu · Rating 2 out of 5]

Quick yet uninteresting read. This collection of essays touches upon topics ranging from dating to domestic abuse and female infanticide. I fail to see how essays (more like blog posts) on such varied topics can be clubbed into one book. For that matter, I don't see what warranted the publication of this book in the first place. None of the essays are insightful or well written. Some read more like tedious rants. There were a few points the author made that hit close to home, but they were few and far between.

It doesn't help that the author appears to be extremely polarized in her views. She neatly categorizes and labels every section of the society into extremes. Man = abuser, woman = victim. Rich = powerful and cruel, poor = gullible and exploited. In the essay about domestic abuse, she delves deep into the reasons why men abuse women, completely ignoring that fact that domestic abuse of men by women is not uncommon.

I'm just glad that I didn't pay full price for this book.

[Vaishnavi Kaveeshwar · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have two minds about this book. I really liked most of her essays but some of them seemed like they weren't much relevant to the focus of the book .She seems to have a style of Ellena Gabrielle but more relatable to Indian women as she was brought up here. She seemed disagreeable towards the works of Jane Austen, however the rest of the literature references she used , be it Charlotte Bronte, Mindy Kaling or zizek , they seemed very apt. Her pop culture references of mean girls and legally blonde were indeed perfect. Would have given 5 starts if there not had been a few essays I couldn't possibly agree with.

[Saurabh · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is kind of a mixed bag. Nothing very new or enlightening to the desi reader but Elias is unflinchingly honest and no holds barred, and that makes for a good read by itself. She is best at describing the Indian male. The entire book is a breeze to read but those chapters in particular (Men who masturbate, Desi fuckboys, Homely etc) are acerbic and scathing, the style that suits her best.

Given her lifestyle her expressions of solidarity with the typical Indian female come across as a bit disingenuous (eg. last chapter). Her literary criticism is also very... YA. The strong opinions are out of place here, and often wrong. Austen and Bronte arent that different writers but she'd have you believe they are as chalk and cheese. She also alludes that Kingsley Amis's writing is dry and the kind where nothing happens for long stretches. Maybe she should actually read Amis - Lucky Jim is a comic masterpiece and a lot happens in its 250 odd pages. And so on.

That said, the pluses do outweigh the minuses; there's a really good, promising writer here, even a novelist. Definitely miles better than the wishy-washy boring nonsense of a Jhumpa Lahiri (sorry for the casual criticism but Besharam mentions her and I was reminded how much I hate her - I swear no man ever has survived on cornflakes for days just because his wife wasnt there).

[Barsha · Rating 5 out of 5]

Besharam seems to me to be one of the few feminist non fictions to be written by an Indian female author.
The book talks about the experiences that women have to face and are facing in this contemporary society. It has been held by society that Women is the feminine and Men is the masculine. Women are judged by their appearance ( Indian aunties giving remarks on skin color, height, weight, over all appearance). Women are also expected to be the caretaker figure and someone who gives and gives till she has nothing left. Men on the other hand are the leader figure and someone with intelligent and strength that they have to prove every now and then ( that guy who raises his hand at the end of class or the guy who tries to enjoy un-censented intimacy). Male as someone to be taken care of on the cost of a woman's discomfort ( the guy with brutal childhood who treats his lover in punishing ways ). The author shares her experiences and gives examples on these societal views and individuals.

She also takes examples of films, books, fables and songs which makes the book a more enjoyable read. This book as the name suggests tells women to be unapologetic while not performing in accordance to societal expectations of you. And the author gives reasons why.

[Prashant Mujagond · Rating 4 out of 5]

ಕೆಲವು ಪುಸ್ತಕಗಳು ಮೊದಲ ಹಂತದಲ್ಲಿ ಸ್ವಲ್ಪ ಹಿಡಿಸುವುದಿಲ್ಲವಾದರೂ, ಒಂದರ ನಂತರ ಇನ್ನೊಂದು ಪುಟ ತೆಗೆಯುವ ಹೊತ್ತಿಗೆ ಅವು ನಿಮ್ಮನ್ನು ಒಂದೆಡೆ ಕುಳ್ಳಿರಿಸಿ ಓದುವಂತೆ ಮಾಡುತ್ತವೆ. ಅಂತಹ ಅನುಭವ ಕೊಟ್ಟ ಪುಸ್ತಕಗಳಲ್ಲಿ ಇದು ಒಂದು. Feministic View ಅಲ್ಲಿ ಲೇಖಕರು ಈ ಪುಸ್ತಕವನ್ನು ಬರೆದಿದ್ದಾರೆ ಅಂತ ನನಗನ್ನಿಸಲಿಲ್ಲ. ಕೆಲವು ವಿಷಯಗಳನ್ನು ಓದುವಾಗ They are happening in front of us, but we are doing nothing ಅಂತ ಅನಿಸಿದ್ದು ನಿಜ. As a Male reader ಈ ಪುಸ್ತಕವನ್ನು ಓದಿ ಅದರಲ್ಲಿರುವ ಹಲವು ವಿಷಯಗಳನ್ನು ತಾಳೆ ಮಾಡಿ ನೋಡುವಾಗ Just Bringing a Law to uplift women Cant help completely ಅನಿಸುತ್ತೆ. ಕೆಲವು ರೀತಿ ನೀತಿಗಳನ್ನು ಒಂದು ಮನೆಯ ಚೌಕಟ್ಟಿನಲ್ಲಿ ಇಟ್ಟು ನೋಡಿದಾಗ there is lot to reform and lot to inculcate in Our Families, you know there are minute things we still not care ಅವುಗಳನ್ನು ನಮ್ಮ ಮುಂದೆ ತೆರೆದಿಡುವ ಕೆಲಸ ಈ ಪುಸ್ತಕ ಮಾಡಿದೆ.

[Michelle · Rating 4 out of 5]

I love this book-the author, Priya-Alia Elias, is smart, witty, and unapologetic as she states how the world feels and IS to young women. The book talks about beauty, weight, being the single girlfriend, sex, and so many other subjects that women deal with on the daily. The book managed to spark a little anger in me as I thought about the way society still treats women.
If more women like the author existed and more books like “Besharam” widely available we may see change. And isn’t that necessary?!?!
Highly recommended!
I received this book through a gracious giveaway on Goodreads by the publisher. My review is based upon my own opinion after reading Besharam.

[Shree Mandal · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book…. This book is everything every Indian woman feels and wants to say. Every word resonated with me as someone who grew up here and desperately tried to escape as an adult, who returns every year to see family and as an almost 40 year old can vouch nothing has changed. If possible, things are worse than ever. Women are either sexual objects or objects to keep sheltered at home, beat up, trophied as the ideal “bahu” but only if she wears sari and kameez and bindis. No dresses, jeans are out of the question. Every misogynystic comment and experience bubbles to the surface with this book in an outrageously witty fashion. This is a must read for every woman, Indian or not.

[Shiva Shakthi · Rating 3 out of 5]

I have a conflict mindset here like the book was good at the same time an average read.
The way she described the struggles of women were spot on but i found it was very one-sided at times.
Overall an 3 star read.
⭐⭐⭐

[Amanie Johal · Rating 5 out of 5]

I follow the author on Twitter, so I was pre-disposed to liking this, but still it was 👌👌👌

Completed as book 2 of 2 for Nonfiction November 2021

[Shivani Verma · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.75 ⭐️

[Cate Triola · Rating 5 out of 5]

4 1/2 stars, rounded up. Besharam is a collection of essays on what it's like to be a woman in the 21st century, specifically in India and the U.S. It's both enlightening and frighteningly familiar in its descriptions of dating, sexual violence, and familial expectations. The topics are heavy, but the writing is witty and entertaining. I loved reading the random asides in the footnotes, but I wish they had been at the bottom of the corresponding page to make them more accessible.


Full review here.

[Divya Kaliyaperumal · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a good book for young indian women and I wish I had this book with me 15 years ago. At this point of time, I find that it is not suitable for an adult indian brown women as we have "been there, done that" so, it sounds like a rambling.
Too much of references to classic literature and this will not strike well with the young women of many may not have had the privilege of reading them.
I still found few parts of it funny and witty.
The first few chapters are the best and it starts to drag after "broken heart"

[Itswhilereading · Rating 4 out of 5]

When you are alone at your workplace or traveling or at home, you don’t always see the women who are walking beside you. This book makes you see them. Solidarity is regained. There is anger, humour, despair, sarcasm—all of which in these great stories (anecdotes) about women, creates an understanding between the writer and the reader that what we feel is valid and real. The writing is like a conversation you have with oneself (and others) in order to better understand your own awakening and experiences

[Greg M. Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good story

Talks a lot about the abuse of women in not only traditional society but also the hook-up culture. A lot of food for thought for anyone who cares about women.

[Sophie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I felt in so many ways connected even though I'm not from India. An unexpected favorite!

[Mills College Library]

306.7082 E423 2019

[Samyuktha · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some chapters are strikingly brilliant, while others can be skipped. The book comes across as an honest account of challenges in Indian society.