Kissing the Coronavirus

Kissing the Coronavirus #1

by M.J. Edwards

She was supposed to cure the Coronavirus. Instead... she fell in love with it.

Dr. Alexa Ashingtonford is a part of a crack team of scientists tasked with finding the cure to the devastating Coronavirus. Little did she know she would end up falling in love with it, in this steamy viral-erotica.

Kissing the Coronavirus is a steamy tale about forbidden love and dark desires come to life.

Genres: Romance, Erotica, Short Stories, Adult, Fiction, Humor, Smut

16 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 22, 2020

Reviews

[Phuong ✯ · Rating 2 out of 5]

EDIT: After reading the sequel of this book Kissing the Coronavirus 2: The second wave. I'd like to higher the rating of this book to 2 stars because it really was the blueprint.

***

Bitches be like ‘nope-never-going-to-read-this’ and then go and download this book a second later because it’s in kindle unlimited. I’m bitches. 
 
Something happened. A terrible thing. There are events in your life that change your life forever. At around 0:35 AM September 28th, 2020 my life was forever altered… for the worse. This is clearly satire and meant as a joke, but I’m giving this book generously 0.5 stars (because minus stars don’t exist), cause I believe with every fibre of my being that this book should have never been published. 
 
Why is this guy GREEN?
Have these scientists been smoking crack? 
Why was this even published?
 
I can answer two out of three questions. 
 
Why is this guy green?
– Before I can answer that, we need to start at the beginning.

Dr Alexa Ashingtonford is one of the few scientists that didn't die from the coronavirus and responsible to find a vaccine. Just the thought about the virus makes Alexa verryyy excited if you know what I mean.

Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it.

There is another scientist Dr. Gurtlychund who's working with her on finding a cure. Dr. Gurtlychund inserts the trial vaccine into his arm, because PLOTTWIST he has coronavirus and he would rather die testing the vaccine himself better than some children. What a man 🥵💕

After pumping the vaccine into his blood.. The winds are whisling, the lights are flickering, the mountains shaking and then silence (I'm not even joking with this, it was described like this without the mountain shaking tho).
Dr. Gurtlychund has turned into Hulk. Everything about him is bigger and I mean EVERYYTHING!!

That's the description:

In fact, all of him was… green. And he was covered in small, green bumps, which sciencey people like Alexa called spike proteins.

Only when Alexa asked Dr. Gurtlychund if he's okay, he doesn't know a Dr. Gurtlychund. Because Dr. Gurtlychund is dead, the virus consumed him. (A silent minute for our strong warrior sacrificing himself for the greater good ✊😔)

Alexa and Hulk have a very interesting conversation


‘Or should I ask… what you are?’
​He nodded, his bustling neck muscles contorting. ​‘Are you… the virus?’ ​
‘Yes,’ he said.
​‘You’re Coronavirus? COVID-19?’ ​
‘Yes.’ ​
‘What happened to Dr Gurtlychund?’ ​
‘I consumed him.’

So the brilliant romance begins. The connection these two share out of this world. Never seen before 😭


The virus opened his hand and Alexa nestled her cheek into it. It was like laying on a warm, welcoming pillow. Soft and strong. Dreamy and happy. Some other nice things she couldn’t even describe. ​‘I’m sorry, Dr Gurtlychund,’ she whispered. ​‘He’s gone,’ said the virus. ‘I’m here now.’

‘What’s your name?’ she asked.
​‘Call me Covid,’ he said.

AHAHAHAHA 🤣🤣🤣. This part makes me cry so hard. I have nothing more to add to that.

Their smut scene is gasoline. Other authors take notes


And he spun her over, clamping his hands down on her ass, spreading her cheeks wide so he could thrust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy.



A firm hand cracked against her ass and Covid grunted like a thunderclap. He filled her with love lotion, which oozed out instantly and spread right across the floor..

I mean WOOOOW! How Covid thrust his warbling member into Alexa pocket of ecstasy? Sheer BRILLIANCE. When will your favorites be on their level? The answer is never.

And they live happily ever after

She had listened to her heart, and vagina, and allowed herself to succumb to Covid’s charm. She had ignored what her head had said, the dread, and instead… she had embraced love.

Or do they???

She lay still and listened to Covid’s heart. ​
And she closed her eyes.
​And she rested.
​And rested. ​
And—

Did Alexa die?? My brain after reading this "book" can't process this information.

Some more of my favorites quotes that I didn't know where to insert.




Have these scientists been smoking too much crack? 
– This will always stay a mystery. But I'm pretty sure the author has.

Why was this even published?
– On the Amazon description “The book is M.J. Edwards debut book, and is her attempt at trying to pay the bills following her job loss.” This was truly the thing that was sending me LOOL excuse me ma’am or sir (cause when you click on the name on GR it shows a man) … if THIS book is your attempt at paying the bill, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but you’re going to stay poor forever. Maybe think about a career change, cause uhmm… writing is not one of your strengths just saying. 

Okay, it's time to deactivate this account because 1. so I will never find more disturbing books like this and 2. I prob traumatised a lot of people with this review 😬

****
She was supposed to cure the Coronavirus. Instead...she fell in love with it.

what the fuck is this?? 😭🤚

[Cait Jacobs (Caitsbooks) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Update: The sequel is coming out and I will definitely be reviewing it

I don't know whether to give this 5 stars or 1 star.

Don't get me wrong, this book is awful. Absolutely horrible. But in the best possible way. It is exactly what I wanted it to be.

But let's get to some of the quotes, because there are quite a few here I wanted to share.

"Despite the devastation the virus was causing across the globe, Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it."

This quote was right on the first page. It really sets us up for the rest of the book.

"her pussy so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a water slide."
"...so deprived of the feeling of a hot man-dog inside her lubricated pussy-bun..."

Can we just talk about these metaphors for a second? The first one was bad but I could look past it, but the second? I am never going to a barbecue again.

"So determined, in fact, that he had stopped listening to reason, and because Alexa had huge boobies, a thicc ass and nice legs, he would sometimes overlook her."

I'm so glad this book tackles the real issues, like sexism and misogyny in STEM

"She loved beards, and a moustache was only the start of a beard, like micropenises are just the start of real penises. You need the rest of it for it to be truly meaningful."

Alexa really said no mustaches allowed

"If only he had a beard. And was taller and had a big cock and was handsome and made her wet.
​Like COVID-19."

I don't even know how to process this one. For context, the virus is very much not a human at this point. It's just a virus in a vial

Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals.

nopenopenopenopenope

"Alexa’s heart fluttered like it had done the time she’d fucked the farmer’s cross-eyed son and uncrossed his eyes."

Please tell me we get a book about this

"‘Then… who are you?’ asked Alexa. ​
‘I don’t know.’
‘Do you know who you are?’ ​
‘I think so,’ he said."

If you couldn't tell, the writing in this book is astounding. It's absolutely beautiful. A masterpiece.

"A guttural, animalistic roar. So strong and powerful it made Alexa’s clitoris judder with anticipation."

No thanks. Nope. Not today

"Suddenly a strong chonk of a finger rubbed across Alexa’s cheek."

I'm sorry a what?

"‘What’s your name?’ she asked. ​
‘Call me Covid,’ he said."

I... I think this speaks for itself

"And he spun her over, clamping his hands down on her ass, spreading her cheeks wide so he could thrust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy."

Ah yes, what ever woman wants- having a "warbling member" thrusted into her "pocket of ecstasy"

"He filled her with love lotion, which oozed out instantly and spread right across the floor."

.... I don't even know what to say anymore

If you're looking for a good laugh, you might want to pick this up. But don't spend any money on it.

Also remember to please wear a mask and social distance!


Click here to watch my video on Kissing the Coronavirus!

[Cindy Pham]

"Kissing the Coronavirus" is a literary tale about humanity, capitalism, & lust for gratification

Full analysis: https://youtu.be/KQE0Bx0rur8

My thoughts cannot fully be contained within a written review, so in this video essay, I analyze how this book provides a critical look at how we value personal liberty over safety.

[Joel Rochester · Rating 1 out of 5]

just save yourself and don't read it, it's not worth it
i am not talking about this
nope

[Hamad · Rating 1 out of 5]

I read this because it has been all over my social media and as someone who works daily with the virus, I couldn't say no to this!

‘What’s your name?’ she asked. ​‘Call me Covid,’ he said.

This was BREATHTAKING!! Quite literally.

This year I read huge authors like Sanderson, Abercrombie, Ruthfoss and others and yet I think this author writes on a whole different level. Prepare yourself for your next favorite read after you finish this one.

I don't know where to start with this one but I think I will start with the cover, all great books have great covers & I think this follows the rule. We're gonna ignore the fact that Covid's left hand is not green because small details like that can be missed when we have an awesome cover as this one.

The writing is just magical guys, honestly this is unlike anything I have ever read. The author has great writing skills with awesome use of similes and metaphors. The book is only 16 pages long and I wanted more but the best writers can express themselves with the least possible words and this was a work of art in 16 pages.

"A shock of electricity coursed through her veins, eventually stopping as it reached her vagina. It was like she’d sat on a battery."

"What was this feeling? ​A warmth, both inside and out. ​Bubbly, like cola, ran through her veins."

There are 3 main characters: Alexa, Bob and Covid and they were just fleshed out and very humane (except for COVID). The way the characters were described makes them three dimensional in your mind, for example:

"Alexa had huge boobies, a thicc ass and nice legs,"

The author did not use Thick but THICC which shows the advanced writing skills he has.

"His strong brow. Piercing blue eyes. Supple lips. A wide jaw, like the trunk of a car. Bulky, thick shoulders. A flat stomach. A bulge in his trousers the size of a medium-length python. Legs. And presumably feet,"

Or here when we know that COVID has both legs and presumably feet!!

The plot is meaningful, we have Alexa who is a scientist trying to save the world and she is horny, she is so thrilled by Covid and their romance ensues.

"​It had been so long since Alexa had been with a man that the virus was the only thing she could get near to which gave her any sort of thrill."

The scientific part was well researched, the virus had its spike proteins and the test tubes were mentioned (Even though we don't use the regular ones for COVID but don't be a nudnik) and down to the protective equipment they were wearing (or the lack of it).

Summary: This is just an unusual story that will spread more than the virus did if it finds the right audience. If you are a fan of the genre, don't miss this book!

P.S: The GR author page shows a guy while the kindle speaks of the author as a she. It doesn't make a difference. Still a masterpiece!

You can get more books from Book Depository

[Maryam Rz. · Rating 1 out of 5]

(0 ★’s)

She was supposed to cure the Coronavirus.
Instead...she fell in love with it.

This iconic book has received all kinds of reviews, yet there is one question no one has offered an answer to: What the FUCK?

I shall now proceed to answer that question—dividing it into four parts to help specify what the actual fuck ⤵

⓵ What the fuck would make humanity come up with the idea of this book?
⓶ What the fuck would make humanity go ahead and write this book?
⓷ What the fuck would make humanity want to read this book?
⓸ What the fuck does this book mean for humanity and the future of this species’ life as an occupant of the Solar System and the cosmos?

Before we start, I should warn you that my review will include lines and quotation from this “steamy viral-erotica” meaning there will be mature content, sexual innuendos, and explicit language; so proceed at your own risk. Now, *rolls up sleeves* let’s discuss this baffling phenomenon and attempt to comprehend what has just happened to humanity and whether this pandemic has addled our minds or our minds have always been addled?

Question #1: What the fuck would make humanity come up with the idea of this book?

Allow me to tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a young woman (let’s call her Merika, to ensure it’s no one’s name) and she was alive in the year 2020. As you can guess, this tale is already a tragedy even before starting—but bear with me.

So Merika was going about her day as usual, which is to stay she was stuck in her rental apartment doing absolutely nothing. It was noon and her stomach was being a demanding ass as usual, so she headed to her smaller-than-her-brother’s-wife’s-bathroom kitchen, scolding, “Hush you baby one of these days I’ll kick you out of the house I will; who needs a stomach anyway you just take up space, there is only room for one person in this sweatshirt.” As the monologue—excuse me one-sided dialogue—continued, she picked up her last remaining steak and wondered where the hell she was gonna find any money because dammit but with only one meal a day her fridge was still emptier than her bed and fuck but who was gonna pay the rent and gahhh but life sucked and she was only interested in one definition of sucking and this wasn’t it.

Dear reader, I believe you have figured this out by now but this narrator feels obligated to clarify it for you: Merika was, frankly, horny.

She needed ideas and she needed them now. But, more pressingly, she also needed to pee. Killing two birds with one stone, Merika quickly entered the Workroom of Creation—which, if you live in a cave and are not informed, is W.C.—and, in that holy corner of creativity, she pondered. She thought about the reason why life is such a hot mess, being the coronavirus, and how easier it all would have been if the virus didn’t bring this dull grim feeling but one where the hot was more prominent than the mess, and in that profound moment of boredom, a genius vision creeped up upon her ⤵

Despite the devastation the virus was causing across the globe, Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it.

I know what you’re going to say—that you’ve been plenty bored and not thought of a virus making you wet and whatnot, but the thing is that you have. Studies have found boredom is the best thing to happen to the human species as it’s a breeding ground for ideas. So as you wallow in misery, your brain grasps at anything and everything for some reprieve, and the wilder your mind the more absurd the idea it will come up with. But in normal circumstances, these thoughts would be dismissed in a flash until you’d stumble upon a solid creative thread. This was not normal circumstances.

So where were we before you interrupted me?

Her mind preoccupied, Merika left the Workroom of Creation and tried to go about her day as usual—that is, tried and failed, as we’ve already established that includes “being stuck in her rental apartment doing absolutely nothing.” Thus, switching TV channels and assaulted with death after death, Merika opened her chat with her bestie ⤵

Merika: u alive?
Bestie: Duh yes
Bestie: What’s up?
Merika: my dick
Merika: oh wait, i dont have one
Bestie: Gee Mer *face palms*
Merika: gahhh dunno i just had a thought tho
Bestie: Really? What
Merika: so remember how u said yesterday that this virus is fucking us all
Bestie: Yeah?
Merika: well what if that fucking was actually, u kno, enjoyable
Bestie: What
Merika: but that would mean the virus would need a dick, the one i dont have
Bestie: What the
Merika: sooo itd need to be a guy
Bestie: Mer actual people are dying
Merika: how about the virus hulking out
Bestie: What the fuck, are you even listening to me?
Merika: and maybe a scientist falls in love with the subject of study and experiment
Bestie: I’ve heard that before
Merika: yup shape of water 💦 i mean how wet was that
Bestie: Why am I even friends with you
Merika: what if the scientist woman is already wet for the virus specimen so when it becomes a true man its jus true lurrvee
Merika: lolollll this is so funny
Bestie: Yes like your precious Bunny Suicides
Merika: ikr gah so disturbingly hilarious
Bestie: I think I need a brainwash, don’t talk to me for 24 hours
Merika: cmooon
Merika: whered u go
Merika: gahhh

Despite having been unceremoniously abandoned by her crappy best friend, Merika couldn’t deny that she might just have had the best laugh of her lifetime and now she could no longer even attempt to get this iconic image off her mind. So she, quite gleefully, proceeded to open the chat with her second bestie and write, “dude i just had a dope idea...”

And thus the premise of Kissing the Coronavirus was born.

Question #2: What the fuck would make humanity go ahead and write this book?

I mentioned how, under normal circumstances, our wild, absurd thoughts are thrown right into the metaphorical trash bin of our brains, and how the stress of this pandemic is not normal circumstances at all. And, you see, there are only so many people you can reach through direct messages. So stuck with boredom, a need to scrap together some cash, a gigantic amount of horniness, and one joke, you begin to write.

That’s exactly what Merika did.

Merika had never written literally anything before, but how hard could it be? First, it was important to be scientifically accurate, so Merika opened Google and searched “covid 19 microscope image” and found this ⤵

Okay the green Hulk guy, let’s call him Covid, needed to have these proteins. So Merika wrote ⤵

...all of him was…green. And he was covered in small, green bumps, which sciencey people like Alexa called spike proteins.

Great! Now, a book obviously needed some dialogue as they can’t just get straight to fucking. Easy peasy. She added ⤵

“Then…who are you?” asked Alexa.
“I don’t know.”
“Do you know who you are?”
“I think so,” he said.

That being done, Covid also required characteristics, you know, to actually sound like a person and for Alexa to thoroughly fall in love with him. And everyone loves a misunderstood man who we all think is evil but is actually so kind and swoon-worthy ⤵

He was strong, but soft. Assertive, yet caring. Alexa’s clitoris floundered.

Superb! But what about some similes and metaphors to make the sex steamy and Alexa’s arousal tangible for the reader? ⤵

A shock of electricity coursed through her veins, eventually stopping as it reached her vagina. It was like she’d sat on a battery.

Lastly, a memorable book needed a moral lesson, and what message was more meaningful and popular than following your heart vagina? Does love not conquer all? Thus Merika decided to write ⤵

She had listened to her heart, and vagina, and allowed herself to succumb to Covid’s charm. She had ignored what her head had said, the dread, and instead…she had embraced love.

Then, after successfully stealing M.J. Edwards’s pen name and picture, our aspiring author sat back and gazed at her masterpiece. Nodding, she thought, “I believe this baby is ready to conquer the world.”

Question #3: What the fuck would make humanity want to read this book?

Four things, I think ⤵

✦ Let’s face it, the COVID-19 pandemic has effectively uprooted any possibility of dating (thus finding sexual satisfaction) and a large portion of the society (larger than one would assume) is—after being filled with grief and worry and dark wonderings—brimming with horny thoughts, deprived of “the feeling of a hot man-dog inside her lubricated pussy-bun,” or, you know, the other way around. As the author so aptly and perceptively phrases it ⤵

It had been so long since Alexa had been with a man that the virus was the only thing she could get near to which gave her any sort of thrill.

✦ Who doesn’t think of how researchers stuck in their small little brick cubes don’t get bored out of their minds? (the answer would be me and billions of other humans but hey, I’m trying to be understanding hush.) So you can imagine why the masses would be drawn to a “crack team of scientists” who act like they smoke crack cocaine to get through the day and who do end up getting bored out of their minds—literally, one of them deciding to test an experimental cure on himself without informing anyone and the other comparing a virus specimen to a “pulsing, erect penis” and wanting it to do things to her. Makes sense, right?

Please tell me it does and that you understand. I need you to tell me you understand. Because this needs to make sense right now or I will have to face the fact that we are, as a species, insane morons.

✦ This book genuinely addresses the sexism in STEM, showing how, because “Alexa had huge boobies, a thicc ass and nice legs,” she is overlooked as an idiot by her male co-worker; ignoring that she is an idiot and, in fact, a vagina with big boobs, a “thicc” ass, and legs, and the opposite of everything that is a feminist icon, only wanting someone—anyone—to “thrust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy.” But let’s focus on the positive, I’m trying to make sense of why this fuckery has gone viral, okay?

✦ Ultimately, the question of what the fuck would make humanity want to read this book can be answered by pointing out three major factors: Shock. Curiousity. The need for a good laugh. It’s impossible to read of how “he filled her with love lotion, which oozed out instantly and spread right across the floor” and not stare wild eyed at your screen, unable to decide whether to burst out laughing or claw out your eyes—better, your brain. And in the morbid dystopian novel that is our lives right now, these 16 pages of bewildering satire filled with the ridiculously lol-inducing phrases the author comes up with can be a fresh, if horrible, reprieve.

Plus, I did not know that a clitoris could judder until I read this line: “A guttural, animalistic roar. So strong and powerful it made Alexa’s clitoris judder with anticipation.” It’s even...educational. Bravo.

Question #4: What the fuck does this book mean for humanity and the future of this species’ life as an occupant of the Solar System and the cosmos?

Simply put, DOOM.

Call me a doomsayer or a buzz kill if you want, but I ask you to think: What does it mean that the addition of some pressure to the usual equation of boredom + horny urges can make the crossing of lines so easy and, indeed, funny? Because some things should just not become a joke. I might personally have zero awareness of “sensitivity” if I’m not constantly trying, but I put in the effort and so I know that you do not call COVID-19, cancer, or malaria thrilling, no matter how well-meaning you are.

I leave you with one final question: What would aliens think of us if this was the only proof of humanity they found?

⚠️ COVID-19 is not a joke and has, by latest reports, taken the lives of one million people worldwide. Read WHO’s advice for public and tips for health and safety at the workplace and make sure to watch their video explaining five things to know about COVID-19 transmission. If you or anyone you know are showing symptoms or experiencing anxiety because of it, please contact professionals immediately. ⚠️

Having now been infected with the virus for the 2nd time despite not leaving the house for months, I’m starting to think it’s in love with me—I’ll make sure not to succumb to its charms.

[Mypacificroad · Rating 1 out of 5]

According to Amazon, the author lost their job and wrote this book to be able to pay the bills. Because of the very eeehhh ... interesting subject of the story, I will assume they lost it due to the pandemic. Also, at the end of the book the author says they have 18 ferrets.

So congrats people, you may need therapy, drugs, or a lobotomy after reading this book, but at least you did your good deed of the day and helped feed 18 ferrets.

[Victor Almeida · Rating 1 out of 5]

KKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK

[Leo (Queen of the Rants and Spoilers)]

What in cousin fucking tarnation, Alabama Betty crocker, miss fucking Betty white shit is this?

[She-who-must-not-be-named · Rating 1 out of 5]

I didn't have anything better to do so I gave this a read.

I NEED TO SPRINKLE SOME HOLY WATER ON MYSELF

[MischaS_]

Not planning on reading this.

However, I have to say that I'm happy that this was created because of it we now have some of the best reviews I've ever read.

Plus, today I was reading some of Czech "news" and I found that they made an article about this.

And for me, if someone in the Czech republic realised that something is important enough to write an article about you either really made it or you created something ridiculous. Take your pick.

[Mrinmayi]

I just wanna end my day by saying that if I suffer...
You all suffer with me😂
Cause I am a good friend like that xD
I read the blurb & now I am thinking of ways by which I can wipe that off my memory

If such books are published...I am kinda concerned for the publishing industry
I won't even touch this book..cause corona..this girls falls in LUUUUUUUUURVE with corona
TRAITOR!!!!! SHE IS A TRAITOR TO HUMANITY!!!!

Here we are staying away from our own family aka our blood
She is having sexy times with the virus itself

that's it..that's what I want to say
I went and had bath after reading the blurb
God knows what I will do if I read this *shudders*
I value my sanity so I am gonna skip this gem
Just in case you want to read this...


The icing on the cake???!!
The dude on the cover has the COVID Protein poking from his skin...


*Goes for another bath after writing this review *

[Matteo Fumagalli · Rating 1 out of 5]

IO. NON.

Videorecensione: https://youtu.be/3zNJc_1o31Q

[dana · Rating 1 out of 5]

“What’s your name?’ she asked.
​ ‘Call me Covid,’ he said.”

this book completely redefined love for me. the way the characters were written, the development of dr. gurtlychund and his relationship with alexa, the long quest to find the cure for cockbig-19, and the deep morals embedded inside the story were what made this so special to me. i hope everyone can appreciate the words inside these 16 pages, the multiple metaphors, the mention of penises in the third paragraph and the comparison of sex to a hotdog. it’s magnificent. brilliant.

[alanis]

brilliant, incredible, spectacular, totally unique, completely-not-ever-been-done-before

[Helly · Rating 1 out of 5]

I have seen everything

[kaitlyn · Rating 1 out of 5]

when my roommate and i have nothing to do we read kissing the coronavirus 😭

[human · Rating 1 out of 5]

what fresh hell did this come from???
oh wait

i'm not sure if i should i should laugh, cry for the sake of humanity, or throw up...


here's to hoping this is just a joke and people actually haven't gone insane.

[Jamie · Rating 2 out of 5]

I have no idea why this book was on the “Worst Rated Books on Goodreads” list, because I'm almost certain that it will someday be known as the Great American Novel.

Kissing the Coronavirus is a heartwarming tale of finding love with strange green virus-men in the midst of a worldwide pandemic. It's full of romance and well fleshed-out characters, and it's possibly one of the most realistic science fiction novels that I've ever read.

Ha ha, no, I'm just messing with you. This book is about a woman who decides to [redacted] a virus. It's about what you'd expect.

I have to say, though, that this author's simile game is on point. The Bard of Avon himself could not have come up with such beautiful and descriptive words. But don't just take my word for it:

“She rubbed her hand over her breast, her nipple hardening like a tic tac.”

“A shock of electricity coursed through her veins, eventually stopping as it reached her vagina. It was like she'd sat on a battery.”

“Alexa pulled down her lab pants and pulled her panties to the side, her [redacted] so wet that the lace glided across her skin like a fat man on a water slide.”

And that's just in the first two pages.

But this story is so much more than just naughty similes. It's also full of important scientific facts:

“And he was covered in small green bumps, which sciency people like Alexa called spike proteins.”

And the characters have riveting backstories:

“Alexa's heart fluttered like it had done the time she'd [redacted] the farmer's cross-eyed son and uncrossed his eyes.”

And Coronavirus-personified is apparently very handsome:

“His eyes were striking, like a goat's, but without the sideways pupils.”

And not only is goat-boy super hot, but he's a fantastic kisser:

“His tongue, so soft and hot, like a chunk of microwaved fish, sloshing around inside her mouth.”

And I don't want to spoil anything for you guys, but it just might be that Alexa and Covid find love at the end:

“For the rest of the evening Alexa and Covid remained in their embracing embrace … Missing was her aching to be savaged vaginally.”

But will their love endure? Well, there are more books in the series, so I suppose we'll just have to wait and find out.* I'm personally really looking forward to book #4, Covid Claus is Coming to Town. There's nothing I love more than than a heartwarming holiday tale about getting [redacted] by a virus in a Santa hat.

My overall rating: one star for the plot line and one star for using the phrase “hot man-dog” to describe a penis.

*Edit: I just realized that each book is about a different scientist, so I suppose we'll never know how Alexa and Covid's love story turns out. How disappointing.

[persephone ☾ · Rating 1 out of 5]

it's not therapy that i need it's a whole lobotomy at this point

[Udy Kumra · Rating 1 out of 5]

1 Star for quality, 5 stars for hilarity

This might be the funniest thing I’ve ever read. It’s terrible, but my friend was right, I laughed in every paragraph.

[Mango]

Um no thank you

[Tani]

[Bethany (Beautifully Bookish Bethany) · Rating 3 out of 5]

Twitter made me do it!

If you need a good laugh, let me recommend these 16 pages of really, really badly written coronavirus erotica. And if you never thought those words would go together, neither did I! That said, while this is terrible, it's also kind of brilliant because the author is clearly self-aware of just how bad it is in a gallows humor sort of way. And it's the perfect length to get a laugh out of it without going too far. Let me share a few choice quotes....

"Alexa felt a rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it."

"She tore open the box of samples and began running them on the samplometer."

"Even the sound of the virus made her ovaries clash together like cymbals. It was so powerful. So Strong. So...deadly."

"...he was covered in small, green bumps, which sciencey people like Alexa called spike proteins."

"...his beast of a cock. It swelled like a balloon being filled with helium..."

So....yeah. It's just as bad as everyone says it is, but it also made me laugh! Because this is the world we're apparently living in.

[Matilda · Rating 2 out of 5]

This is the best, worst thing I’ve ever read

Firstly, thank you Phuong for bringing this masterpiece to my attention. My life would not have been complete without it.

“She was supposed to cure the Coronavirus. Instead…she fell in love with it.”

This might be the best introduction to a book I’ve read. It makes absolutely no sense, yet complete sense. I basically laughed the entire time I read this novella.

Despite the devastation the virus was causing across the globe, Alexa felt the rush of excitement every time she picked up the Corona sample, like a pulsating, erect penis, desperate to unleash its devastation on anyone who touched it.

THE ERECT PENIS COMMENT LMAOOO how did the author come up with this shit, it’s perfect.

Not that the plot matters, but Alexa is a doctor working on the cure to COVID-19. She basically wants to fuck COVID no matters it’s form. Like literally in the first few paragraphs, she tries to fuck herself with a test tube full of COVID.

Alexa tightened her grip on the tube. She imagined it had veins pumping blood to keep it hard for her. She thought about the power. She touched the test tube to her wet lips

This is genius.

BUT, she gets interrupted by her boss with a micropenis. Alexa informs her boss that she has finished the tests for the COVID cure, which she manipulated(for some damn reason) by adding more COVID to it. Her boss wants to test the cure on himself because he has been infected with COVID already. When he injects himself, something happens or should I say someONE.

Yep, the boss becomes COVID-19 or rather Covid because that’s what this gigantic, protein-spiked, green creature with a huge dick says his name is. Because it totally makes sense that he has a name and it would be Covid.

Long story short, they fuck and she’s in love.

…he spun her over, clamping his hands down on her ass, spreading her cheeks wide so he could trust his warbling member deep into her pocket of ecstasy.

DAMN, Covid definitely ain’t no virgin, he’s a damn natural




How come when COVID entered my body, Covid didn't enter my body??



Raising the rating because this was lowkey too funny to be considered bad

[Era ➴ · Rating 1 out of 5]

Before my account was deleted, I had three separate shelves for this book and trash of its level.

They were labeled "ahahahahahahaha-what-the-fuck", "will-not-touch", and "trash-pile".

I'm too lazy to re-create those shelves, but rest assured that this book doesn't deserve that one star up there^^. That's just a placeholder.

I haven't read the book, if you were wondering. I don't have the mental stamina to do that. I've lost enough brain cells by seeing the title.

[Joshita ❤]

WHA—I—WHAT—I DONT—WHAT THE FUCK DID I JUST SEE!!!!???
I did not everrrr think that corona could do THIS, I just have one question: Why?

[Reads With Rachel]

Look for the video on this hopefully next week but please prepare yourself for me reading terrible words and cringing for approximately 30 minutes

[farith · Rating 1 out of 5]

sounds like the book of the year to me.

[Melina Souza]

hahahaha gente!