If Nathan Were Here

by Mary Bahr, Karen A. Jarome (Illustrator)

If Nathan were here, we would meet in our tree fort. . . we would take the shortcut through the woods. . . we would try to splash each other in the puddles. . . 

In  If Nathan Were Here , author Mary Bahr gently explores the grief of a young boy whose best friend has died. With the help of an understanding teacher, a kind neighbor, and an empathetic parent, the boy finds ways to give expression to his questions and sorrow and to reach out to someone else who needs him.

Mary Bahr's evocative text conveys a child's grief with honesty and sensitivity, while Karen Jerome's soft watercolors poignantly capture the tender nature of children's friendships.

Genres: Picture Books, Death, Realistic Fiction, Childrens, Grief, Fiction

32 pages, Paperback

First published January 1, 2000

Reviews

[Kris · Rating 4 out of 5]

This picture book about he death of a friend left me with a lump in my throat. It is gentle and expressive, and I love that it doesn't try to answer questions that simply don't have answers. The art feels a bit dated, but the message is stellar.

[Lorna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A super emotional read (multi-hanky) for me as my 11yo daughter recently lost a beloved classmate and friend very suddenly. A beautiful look at at how the lost child's best friend copes with the quiet help of family, neighbors, and teacher. I love the idea of creating a memory box for the child.

[Day · Rating 4 out of 5]

I loved this book. I like the way it ended and how it was a bit of a surprise. I liked that this book talked about what it's like losing a friend at a young age. I liked all the description a the beginning of the story of what the two friend used to do together. I also loved the illustrations and how they give you a picture of all the details described in the story.

[Christy · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Nathan were here, we would meet in our tree fort. . . we would take the shortcut through the woods. . . we would try to splash each other in the puddles. . . In If Nathan Were Here, author Mary Bahr gently explores the grief of a young boy whose best friend has died. With the help of an understanding teacher, a kind neighbor, and an empathetic parent, the boy finds ways to give expression to his questions and sorrow and to reach out to someone else who needs him.Mary Bahr's evocative text conveys a child's grief with honesty and sensitivity, while Karen Jerome's soft watercolors poignantly capture the tender nature of children's friendships.

[Corissa · Rating 5 out of 5]

I checked this book out if the library because, my kids have been saying how they wish their brother was still here for certain monents. The only other book that made me feel this way was, Something Happened by Cathy Blanford. I just cried reading this to my daughter. Talk about a book with all thw feels, written for children, but better to share as a family.

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A gentle way to bring up death for a child.

[Melissa Ganka-Collins · Rating 3 out of 5]

In this story about a child dealing with grief and loss, a boy askes the question "what am I supposed to do without my best friend" after his friend's death.

[Rose · Rating 4 out of 5]

This would be a good choice for a classroom where a child has died.

[Wild Flower 🌸 · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sad, super short and easy to read through, loved the concept of brotherhood seen in best friends, light mention of grief since it is children book, was dealt with it in an easy way, the ending for me was a bit unclear might need to re-read through the lines again.

[Jenny J · Rating 5 out of 5]

I would definitely use this book with kids although the ending could have been better.

[Lindsay Garber]

Personal Reaction:
This book made me immediately think of my second grade year when I lost one of my best friends. At the elementary level, it is hard for students to fully grasp the idea of losing someone forever, and I think it is super important to have books like this one available in the classroom so that teachers can give their students the proper resources when needed. I really enjoyed watching Nathan's best friend grow throughout the book and change some of his actions in honor of Nathan.

Purposes:
-Read aloud to 1-2 grade
-Understanding of how to come together during hard times and shows ways to honor and remember someone
-Comfort/support for students going through a traumatic event
-The illustrations are painted with watercolor, revealing the beauty of life and how fragile it is

Curriculum: read aloud
-Character development: Nathan's best friend changes some of his actions in honor of Nathan. For example, at the beginning of the story we read that Nathan would never let his sister, Mary Kate, up in the tree house, but at the end of the story, Nathan's best friend allows Mary Kate up there, saying that "maybe he'd like her up here now". This shows how mature and strong young children can be when faced with adversity.

[Ann Marie Olson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Grade level: 2nd-3rd grade
This book is about a little boy who's best friend passes away. He does not know what to do without Nathan, so he tells a story about if Nathan were here. He talks about the different activities they would do; for example, they played baseball, took a short cut through the woods, and hung out in their tree house. He talks about Nathan's little sister, Mary Kate, who is lonely without Nathan too. At school, the class talks about Nathan and what they want to do in remembrance. They decide to make a box and put things inside that Nathan would like. They also write messages and questions to Nathan. I like how this story talks about how the students and teacher react to the death of their classmate, because this is especially important for students to understand. Unfortunately, their friend is gone, but his spirit is still with them every day.

I think this book could be used to talk about death, which normally is not a topic covered in school, but sometimes it is necessary. If a school loses a student, they probably will not know how to address the tragedy with the students, which is understandable. This book would be a good tool to use to explain to the students what they could do to remember their classmate and honor him/her.

[Shirley · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recently discovered If Nathan Were Here and was so glad to see someone has taken on this difficult subject and did so in a most thoughtful manner. If Nathan Were Here is told from a boy's perspective as he recalls all the fun times he had with his best friend Nathan. As he engages in various activities, even walking Nathan's dog, the memories are so strong and the pain is real. When it becomes unbearable, he escapes to "their" treehouse. Here he feels close to his friend, and safe, and comforted.

I highly recommend this book for parents seeking to help their child cope with the loss of a loved one, specifically a close friend. If Nathan Were Here helps the child reader understand their feelings of loss, while acknowledging the good times that will always remain. Definitely one worth looking for.

[Kristin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a story about an elementary-age boy who loses his best friend. He remembers the everyday things he used to do with Nathan, his friend who passed away. He wonders what he is supposed to do without his best friend and tries to work through his feelings by staying close to Nathan's possessions. At the end of the book, he wonders if he should reach out to Nathan's sister and befriend her.

Potential Audience: Grades 3-4

Genre: Fiction, picture book

Curricular Use: Read-aloud for discussion, independent reading

Social Issues: Death, grief, loss of a friend

Image: Soft, blended, colorful illustrations

Bahr, Mary. If Nathan Were Here. Grand Rapids: Eerdmans Books, 2000.

[Allison DeMeo · Rating 3 out of 5]

Personal Reaction: Full of emotion for such a young audience. Very good read!

Purpose: Emotional material. I don't know if i would personally read this out loud to a classroom but if I had a student going through someone in their lives that just passed away I would take the time to read this to them. I think it is important for students to know how to handle their emotions and deal with losses. This book has a very sentimental message that is good for 2nd-5th grade students. I think the message of this story is important as well. Along with dealing with losing his best friend, he realizes that the sister they always used to tease together should be able to grief just the same and it is important to realize family matters too.

[Kayla Hartmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

If Nathan Were Here is a powerful children's book about a boy whose best friend has just passed away. The boy goes throughout his day thinking of all the things we would be doing if Nathan were with him. One of their favorite places to go was in the tree house. It was their spot that no one else could go in. The little boy is in the tree house for a lot of the book talking about how hard it is for him that his friend has passed.

This book is a great story for a child whose friend has just passed away. This book is definitely not a story people would read aloud for fun, but it does teach a great lesson. This child is struggling with the lose of his friend and it teaches other children going through this that they are not alone and the way they are feeling is completely normal.

[Cami Weaver]

Well, this book made me cry. Even though it's sad, I still adored it. This book is about a boy who has lost his friend, Nathan. It goes through all the things they used to do when Nathan was here and how things are different without him. One day, the teacher asks to make a memory box for Nathan. His friend doesn't quite know what to put in it, until he finds Nathans baseball hat in their tree house. It is a sweet story that would be appropriate enough to share with a young students who has recently had a friend pass. It would allow them to relate to the book and help them cope with the situation.

[Duane · Rating 1 out of 5]

This book is meant to help young children understand some of the feelings they'll experience after loosing a friend the same age as they are. Although the illustrations are nice, I felt that the text didn't quite go into enough detail about the subject. After finishing the book, I had to reread it to see if I'd missed something. It does try to show that children experience in different ways, I couldn't see how a child hearing the story would relate to it. I think there are better books out there if you need a book on this subject.

[Linda · Rating 5 out of 5]

You don’t need many words, perhaps only the title, to figure out that Nathan is not there, and only the support of the family and the teacher will begin to heal the sadness of the young boy who is telling the story. It’s a poignant story which offers some of what is needed in order to say goodbye to a friend who has died. It’s a book to keep in mind for those tough times when adults have to help children with death. Mary Bahr also wrote The Memory Box, about a grandchild and his grandfather with Alzheimer’s disease.

[Theresa Young]

Great book to teach young readers about using the author's words (text evidence) + background knowledge = inference. The illustrations draw you in. Your opinion of where Nathan is changes as the story develops. This picture book makes for a great group discussion in elementary school classrooms. Children never fail to respond to this title. Wonderful for discussing the feelings of characters to help children understand how other children face emotional experiences.

[Lindsey Stronczek · Rating 4 out of 5]

This heartbreaking story explores the grief a young boy feels when his best friend dies. He finds that through the help of friends, family, and classmates he can deal with the grief. This story could be used alongside children who are going through similar situations. Karen Jerome, Illustrator, provides beautiful watercolor pictures to accompany the text.

[Corinne · Rating 5 out of 5]

Well-written book about the death of a best friend. Begins with "If Nathan were here..." sentences and builds the friendship between two boys. Shows how the class deals with the loss and then the friend and sister coming together.

[Louise · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a wonderful book for children dealing with grief.

I would highly recommend it for any child trying to cope with the death of a loved one.

[Kymberly · Rating 5 out of 5]

So sad such a good book to help kids with grief.

[Aska · Rating 3 out of 5]

This story deals with death of a best friend.

[Liwen · Rating 5 out of 5]

書中的小男孩失去他最好的朋友，前半的故事是小男孩回憶與朋友在一起的快樂時光，後半則是朋友去世之後，他們的老師讓全班的孩子一起做一個Memory Box讓班上的學生放一些東西進去，一起懷念朋友。很適合用在生命教育和生死議題的教導上面，教師可以利用繪本告訴孩子如何面對他人死亡與悲傷輔導。

[Kelli Shoemake · Rating 5 out of 5]

Suchx a sad story, but great to read to children coping with death.

[Cordellya Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a good story about a child learning to deal with the death of a friend.

[Vj · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish I'd known about this book when a young boy from our school died. Definitely would have been helpful.

[Lori Fuller · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely, quiet book on grief