Are You Really OK?: Getting Real About Who You Are, How You’re Doing, and Why It Matters

by Debra K. Fileta

Just Because You’re a Christian Doesn’t Mean You’re Healthy

We tend to assume we’re okay—until we’re not. Getting healthy is an ongoing process that requires you to stop, dig deep, and ask yourself the hard questions.

In Are You Really OK? author and licensed counselor Debra Fileta challenges you to get real with who you are and how you’re doing spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and physically so you can recognize where you need growth and healing. You’ll learn to… It’s time to get intentional about pursuing health in every part of your life. Using a combination of science, psychology, and faith, Are You Really OK? will help you get healthy from the inside out.

Genres: Christian, Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Faith, Personal Development, Mental Health

256 pages, Paperback

First published May 18, 2021

Reviews

[Danielle · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars

I have read Debra Fileta’s other books and I appreciate her approach to bettering oneself. Unfortunately, the church as a whole has only recently started accepting therapy as a valid path to wholeness; many Christians don’t understand that you can’t just pray away your pain, or anxiety, or depression. As a Christian therapist, Debra offers practical steps to figuring out what went wrong, how to identify your feelings, and how to move forward.

This book offered a some really good resources and helps guide you through a plan to start a path of healing. Each section delved into a different area: emotional health, spiritual health, mental health, and physical health; and each chapter had journaling questions to help you reflect on what you may be feeling.

I think this book is a great introduction to mental health for someone that may be hesitant to find a therapist, especially if they come from a religious background.

[Abigail · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very good resource. I am fascinated by the way the mind, body, soul, and spirit are interconnected. Debra does a good job displaying that connection, and encouraging health in all areas of your life.

She writes in a practical, personal style, and gives many practical tips for becoming healthier.

The book was a bit repetitive at times (she definitely has some hobby horses), and there were some grammatical errors. She had some good insights on the human experiences of Christ. Some Bible verses she cited were taken out of context or the application was a bit of a stretch.

One of my favorite quotes is from a section discussing the emotional distress of Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane. “His emotions were telling Him to run. But He stayed. JESUS stayed for you. He stayed, even when everything inside Him told Him to run. And because He stayed, so can we. Because with confidence, we too can declare that though our feelings can’t always be trusted, our God can always be trusted.”

Overall, I would recommend it to someone struggling with past baggage and/or emotional struggles.

[Joan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have read a number of self help books on well being. This one may very well be the best I've seen in a while. It is very informative and is written with compassion and insight.

Fileta covers all aspects of being, mental, emotional, spiritual and physical, because they all work together. She helps us investigate the influence from the past, how we understand our identity and relationships, identifies cognitive distortions, writes on trauma, and much more. I appreciate her strategy of calling us to awareness first, taking inventory, and then intentional living, giving practical ideas and strategies. She includes insightful and thought provoking questions at the end of each chapter. This is a book to work through, not just read. You'll need a journal or notebook as Fileta prescribes lots of writing.

One surprise for me was about emotions. Being in tune with our emotions is not something we are born knowing how to do. It is a skill we must learn. Fileta suggests using the tool of expressive writing as a practical way of developing the skill.

Fileta writes in a very personal way. She shares many of her own experiences, such as her struggle with depression and the trauma of a miscarriage. Her openness is encouraging, convincing this reader to be better at not hiding behind just saying I'm OK.

This is a book for Christians who are not afraid to get pushed out of their comfort zones. Fileta asks us to get out from under the facade and be honest with all aspects of our lives. She asks us to stop pretending because we are Christians and we are supposed to have it all together. If you are ready to get below that facade and work on your mental, emotional, spiritual and physical health, grab a journal and get to work with this book.

I received a complimentary egalley of this book from the publisher. My comments are an independent and honest review.

[Lori Jorgensen · Rating 5 out of 5]

I personally deal with depression on a regular basis and having this book well, it’s like having your own counselor or life coach. I love this book it asks so many questions you have to get real and not hide. D has a way of writing that makes feel as though she’s right here sitting on your couch and hanging out with you. If you or anyone you know deals with depression or anxiety I suggest you grab this book!!

[Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I recommend this book to anyone working through anything.

[Petra · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great insights, practical, hope-filled.

I picked up this book during one of the lowest periods of 2023 and it has witnessed and helped me at getting better holistically..then midway through the book I went through an even more difficult period worse than the first... So yeah, reading this was timely 😁

Counselor Debra took me on a journey to open my eyes at some areas where I haven't looked before and equipped me with knowledge that helped me go "ahaa now that makes sense"

My favourite sections of the book where those on emotional health and spiritual health. Though some ideas were things I already knew, most of what I read was new to me or at least a much needed reminder.

The guidance, direction and advice here are necessary for personal growth, deeper faith in God, healing from past hurts, building stronger relationships with others, dealing with life's hardships and for living a meaningful life with zeal and fortitude.

I recommend this book to those interested in holistic health with a lens of faith and those ready to strengthen their muscle of self-awareness.

[Charlotte Duus · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly the best book! I really got deep down In my soul finding out am I really okay and being open with myself. Read this book, it’s truly incredible and will open up your heart and mind and body and open your heart up, asking yourself are you really okay?

[Ashley Parks · Rating 4 out of 5]

Tough but worth it. Helpful perspective on life to help you through some tough times.

[Pamela Hatch · Rating 4 out of 5]

I received a copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for a honest review.

I was introduced to the subject of wellness & wholeness several years ago. I have been learning the concepts in small fractions because the topics included are not topics typically taught in open classrooms, at home, or at church. -- It took me a while to delve into the message of this book -- it is not a quick read -- there are so many good topics and new concepts presented that it takes a while for the brain to wrap around these concepts. -- So it took me a few reads (three to be exact) to sort of get truths that this author was presenting to the reader.

I would suggest using the book as a Bible study -- starting as an individual study and then expanding to a group once individuals have had a chance to meditate and study the concepts presented. -- I would suggest the content be studied slowly -- there is a content here -- some things I have never heard of before like Body Dysmorphic Disorder (BDD) and Cognitive Distortions.
And there are some topics I have heard about but want to know more -- Generational curses and hypervigilance.

It may seem the book focuses on scientific concepts but the book presents everything in a way that the layperson can understand -- it just may take a little extra reading because the concepts are new.

Each section includes a list of JOURNALING QUESTIONS

SUMMARY: An introduction to the topic of wholeness of an individual that connects health through four groupings: Emotional Health, Spiritual Health, Mental Health, and Physical Health. And just because we think we're doing okay doesn't mean we really are. Chapter by chapter, page by page, we're going to take the time to dig deep and ask ourselves show we're really doing in our emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health. We're going to start living intentionally toward health, and not just assuming we're okay.

Some of the key concepts represented in the book:

The majority of the issues we're facing in the present have their roots in the experiences of our past (p29)

The inability to deal with our emotions is often rooted in a lack of awareness of our emotions (p39)

VERY INTERESTING SECTION (pp51-62) recognizing patterns in our life including generational curses -- your intentions take a backseat to your patterns

...the body doesn't forget, even when the mind tries to (p61)

Negative thoughts lead to negative feelings, which ultimately lead to negative behaviors.... Because human beings are holistic, there's a strong connection between our bodies, minds, and emotions. (p65)

Feelings -- if not kept in check - can wreak havoc in our lives. Emotions are meant to signal us, but they are not meant to lead us. (p73)

The worst thing we can do for our emotions is to simply ignore them .... Unexpressed emotions will eventually make their way to the surface of your life (pp83-84)

VERY INTERESTING CHAPTER 4 -- GOD IS ____________ -- MY VIEW OF GOD
When we begin to see God clearly, we also begin to live differently (p108)

Things begin to change -- better yet, miracles begin to happen -- when we take inventory of what we are believing about ourselves and begin aligning those beliefs with God's unchanging truth. (p116)

VERY MEMORABLE STORY -- a ladies conference where attendees were asked to fill in a one word label as how they saw themselves -- "Hi My Name Is _________" -- the results are always devastating as to how we see ourselves -- how we label ourselves -- the author is there to remind them that God comes to completely obliterate the old labels (pp120-122)

The author also wants all readers to know -- I want to stop you right here and affirm that no matter who you are or what you've come from, you have a role in giving to others. You have something someone else needs. (p137)

The author has large sections on how everything comes down to the way our brain thinks -- the bad thoughts, the wrong thoughts, the negative thoughts -- There is so much power in the story you tell yourself -- the story you allow to repeat over and over in your mind -- because the story you tell yourself is your cognitive response to a situation. Your story reflects your thoughts. Your thoughts impact your feelings. And your feelings motivate your behaviors. (p156)

There is also a big section on depression, PTSD, and mental illnesses and how people suffering are not supported -- We pretend that it doesn't exist, forcing those struggling with it to battle through it alone. (p162)

A great truth presented -- YOUR STRUGGLE IS NOT A REFLECTION OF YOUR FAITH

HOPE AND HEALING -- create an environment where we embrace and encourage those who are struggling with mental illness and in pain, rather than pushing them away. (p170)

CHAPTER 9 -- TRAUMA MESSES WITH YOUR HEAD - PEELING BACK THE LAYERS
is a must read for everyone to understand how trauma and PTSD work to cripple an individual -- the author suffered a miscarriage that altered her life -- mentally, spiritually, physically, and emotionally. -- Trauma is not a once-and-done experience. In fact, traumatic experiences make their way into our bodies by getting buried deep down in our brain. (p185) -- I didn't realize that my body was overreacting to the traumatic experience of my past with hypervigilance in the present. (p188)

As you heal in one area, the Lord reveals a new area that you're ready to heal from as well -- Flashbacks are a sign that your body is finally ready to recall the hard things you've been through. It's a sign that you're strong enough to handle the memories now. (p189)

I've learned to hold on to the reminder that even when my body may fail me, my God does not. (p198)

There is also a lot of helpful information about REST -- you only have so much energy and you must replenish it before it is exhausted -- it is OK to say "NO" to somethings so you can do what you are good at -- what you are supposed to be doing -- With every no, I am building a fence around my life, my family, and my ministry that keeps the good things in and the harmful things out -- find your own pace as well as your own space. (p220)

Because with my pain comes His power. (p235)
HOPE was the Last Word (scripture verses on HOPE)

[Heather · Rating 5 out of 5]

I wish that I had found this book 6 months before I did. For those of us who might have been raised in a church that sincerely believed that "real Christians don't get depressed", it can be hard to admit that you might need therapy or other kinds of help for mental health struggles. That's why I am so glad that Deb has written this book and has made it so accessible and non-threatening to consider getting help and guidance for the things that plague our minds. Toxic mindsets, cognitive distortions, trauma, and more are covered with grace, compassion, and a determination to bring light to these hidden things that Christians can sometimes ignore in the name of seeming "fine".
I'll be recommending this book to all of my Christian friends that might be considering therapy, and even those that may have never thought of it.

[Marvy Herrera · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is great, but in my opinion, is not for everyone. Since it has some heavy topics and if the person it's not ready to heal or talk about those situations it could be painful. So my advice: Be honest before start reading the book. Debra Fileta opens up and talks about her own experience from a painful situation that triggers unexpected anxiety attacks and some other situations she mentions through the chapters. Divided into four parts, this book is meant to be read slowly, to take time, to work on each chapter, and not rushing. In part one she talks about emotional health and how that impacts everything we do, the importance to recognize patterns in our life. In part two she talks about spiritual health and how my view of God shapes the way I view and treat others. My favorite and the one I found most surprising was part three, mental health, and here she explains about cognitive distortions and how is necessary to see the truth from lies. In chapter eight she demolishes the myth and lies about anxiety and depression. And finally, but least important, in part four she mentions the importance of physical health and the need to set healthy boundaries in the different areas of our lives determine the cost over the sacrifice that will mean to you or your loved ones. In the last chapter or epilogue, which is a name 365 days from now she mentions the importance of taking a stand and a firm decision on taking the right steps to be healthy.

Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy for review, all opinions are my own.

[Courtney Kato · Rating 5 out of 5]

Debra Fileta’s “Are You Really Ok?” is a must-have book to assist you in a holistic health journey addressing the heart, soul, mind, and strength!!

With powerful vulnerability, Debra shares relatable stories from her own life and examples that lead to another layer of wisdom written through love and purpose for the reader. “Healing happens in layers!” Each chapter layers in so many deep insights, truth, practical questions, and self-actionable suggestions to journal through.

This is a book I will continue to go back through and to for health and life check-ins and checkups even when I feel that I am thriving. I love how the work of emotional, spiritual, mental, and physical health is an ongoing and preventive process to embrace with grace!

Thank you, Debra, for being a needed conversation starter on the intersection of faith and health! I have been transformed and the beautiful journey will continue!

Will you be transformed for the better? Order a copy not only for yourself but for every meaningful relationship that touches your soul. Healthy People = Healthy Relationships!

[Lorena · Rating 4 out of 5]

The layout of this book is really good. In order to experience true healing, you have to look at everything: spiritual, mental, physical, and emotional health. Debra does a really good job of writing out each section and providing reflection questions at the end of each chapter. The reason I give it four starts is two reasons: first, if you’ve already gone through the healing process before reading this book, a lot of the info may be stuff you already know, so it’s definitely geared towards people who haven’t fully started the healing process yet. Second, I was very excited to read the physical health section, but it disappointed. I do like that Debra emphasizes that there is nothing wrong with doing therapy and taking anti-anxiety/anti-depression meds, but I think she fails to acknowledge that some issues can be resolved by getting a physical and blood work done by a doctor. Sometimes it may only take a quick look at your vitals and levels to see where you’re at and do some adjusting that way that may help you before considering anxiety or depression meds. Besides those things, it was an overall decent read that gets you thinking about which areas you need to work on most.

[Ashlie Carey · Rating 5 out of 5]

Debra Fileta is an amazing author. I first started listening to her podcasts before reading her book(s). She has so much wisdom to share with others. She doesn't shove it down your throat, instead she meets you where you're at, at least that is how I felt while reading this book. She shares her own struggles with anxiety and depression and is SO REAL! It is like you are sitting on the sofa with your own therapist. I recommend going through this slowly and thoroughly to get the most out of it. She challenges you to work on four aspects of your health: physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. All four play a significant role in who we are individually and it is so good to have self-growth and be aware of ways we can improve for the better. I bought copies to share with others, that's how impactful I found this book to be! I can't wait to share them so others can have major self-growth and awareness! One day, I hope to meet her so she can sign my book! She is incredible and I'm so thankful f0r how God is using her to make a difference is so many peoples lives!

[LAMONT D · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a good book to have on hand and have her resources available as needed (TrueLoveDates.com). Personally, I am a guy who tells myself and others to "build a bridge and get over it!"). It is a cute saying but does little to help people deal with their issues. She gives journaling questions or a 5-minute final checkup after each topic or chapter which look to be very good for self-reflective time. The think the most important things said in the book is that your thoughts lead to feelings that lead to behavior. What thoughts are controlling your life? Also, lots of basic knowledge about how the brain operates and also personal stories of her own life and some of her patients. Mental health is a huge issue obviously in our society and Christian influence needs to be there making a difference as it appears she does. I don't know how she fits in being a mom, homeschooler of her kids, counselor, wife, podcaster, writer, etc. but she does, and she tells people the most powerful word in their vocabulary should be "no".

[Mettie-Anne · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love this book! I can easily give it 5 stars.

It’s hard to put words to how necessary this book has been for this season of my life. I highly recommend it to anyone that’s ready to answer the question “are you really okay?” This book challenges you to get serious about your mental health and reveals areas that you can work on in yourself.

Many chapters felt like they were speaking directly to me. They’re filled with incredibly relevant and practical support for emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health.

Debra wisely recommends processing the more difficult things with a professional and this book is the perfect compliment to that.

Again, I would easily recommend this book andI bought several extra copies to share with friends because I believe the message is so important.

[Cristina Cristina · Rating 5 out of 5]

During stressful times like these, it is a good idea to ask: How well am I doing, really?

In the journey of personal growth, self understanding and discovery are part of a strong foundation on which to build healthy lives encompassing all dimensions of wellbeing: mental, emotional, physical and spiritual.

In her new book “Are You Really OK?" Debra Fileta's words inspire, teach, model and guide us to dig deeper and become aware of areas in our lives in need of intentional work which leads to improved overall health, better relationships and thriving lives. Let's embark on this important journey under the guidance of a trustworthy and experienced counselor, and alongside many others who are pursuing better health, fulfillment and worthwhile living.

[Rebecca Stark · Rating 5 out of 5]

Honestly, after a year of chaos in the world, everyone needs to read this book. Sometimes, in the church, we talk about spiritual health or even physical health but fail to address emotional and mental health. There are very few books that I reference time and time again. But I know this book will be one I will reference many times. Not only because of the helpful and very practical counseling tools, but the way Debra describes God's character and His design for our emotions. Her chapter on how Jesus addressed His emotions was eye opening and profound. This book made me love God more and reminded me our Savior, Comforter, and Friend.

[Kenneth Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Debra has gone and done it again! This book is for those who feel like they’re doing ok and for those who don’t feel they’re doing ok. A great resource for any person looking to dive into health in its many forms. I believe this to be a foundational read for anyone who wants to be the best version of themselves for their friends, family and others. Do yourself a favour and start the journey of discovering how to be as healthy as you can be. Debra is a licensed counselor and this book is almost equivalent to years worth of counselling for a very low investment. You matter! Take the leap of faith and dive into this book.

[Keelin (Adventures in Lit) · Rating 5 out of 5]

Okay this book is a solid 5 stars - wow! So so good!!! Dr. Fileta discussing the aspects of health from a mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual standpoint was so spot on and the writing of how each is so very important is so true! I’ve always known about the physical and spiritual standpoints, but coming from an emotional and mental standpoint never heard as much.

Highly recommend this book if you want to learn more about the above mentioned aspects. Are You Really OK is a tough question and we need to be honest with ourselves and those we are in close relationship with about where we are at.

[Lilybeth · Rating 3 out of 5]

I think this book is vitally important for the Christian community.
So long, therapy and holistic health have been poo-pooed by believers.
Fileta does an amazing job of tying Scripture, doctrine, faith, and personal experience together to highlight the importance of spiritual, physical, emotional, and mental health.

My issue with this book is not the content, but rather the fact that it's preaching to the choir.
I agree with everything she said in the book and have been on a journey for many years to be my best self.
I hope this book lands in the right hands because the message is all too important.

[John · Rating 5 out of 5]

Debra Fileta is rising up there to the top when it comes to Christian psychology, that is, practical and well written - and true to both scripture and the profession! This is very important, as many try to only use the Bible only to do psychology, but that fails - but not Debra Fileta, the balance here is good - and the content is great. I really loved her first book, as it was an unexpected gem, and this did not disappoint either. The book may be objectively a high four-star, but because it is so much better than much else out there, I give it the 5 I think it deserves. I'm looking forward to reading more by her.

[Mhughessc · Rating 4 out of 5]

Debra Fileta is a licensed counselor who has released this book at just the right time! After the happenings of the past few years, the title of this book is very appropriate. I appreciate that Fileta included so much Scripture in her book and made it very personal. In this book, she discusses the importance of being healthy physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. This was an easy read and one I would suggest to anyone who is having a difficult time.

Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC. All opinions are my own.

[Hannah Yee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I wish there was. 4.8 stars rating because that’s really how I feel. The only reason it wasn’t 5 stars is the sheer amount of information makes it less fluid than it could be.

Such a good overview of taking inventory of different parts of you that may need healing and ways to start the healing. This time through I just read it, but there are a lot of questions and work that the author details and helps you go through. It’s basically a really good intro to counseling/therapy and an awesome resource if time or money won’t allow for a therapist.

[Susan Tailby · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really easy to read, but also a very thoughtful read. Particularly helpful about dealing with trauma; that healing is a long haul, lifetime process and whilst our pasts may not define us as believers, they're certainly there, influencing thoughts, behaviours and even remaining as a memory in the bodies in situations. reactions and behaviours.
Useful discussion too of using journaling well and thoughtfully, and some directive discussion or think through questions at the end of each section.

[Lauren · Rating 4 out of 5]

Good, thought-provoking read about how what you believe shapes how you act, connect and live. Fileta dug deep into how your past can color who you are today and how to overcome that as a believer in Christ. I appreciated her candor and enjoyed the self examination questions at the end of each chapter. I both listened to and bought a hard copy of this book. I plan to give the hard copy away to a friend who would benefit from it when I get the chance.

My Rating: PG

[Lydia Burris · Rating 5 out of 5]

We are told to love the Lord with ALL our heart, mind, soul and strength. But what if these areas are unhealthy and out of control. Debra does a wonderful job walking through each aspect (emotional, spiritual, mental and physical) by helping us process if we are really ok. In this time of my life where it seems like there’s no stability, I can examine myself and get help if needed SO THATA I can love God and love people.

[Holly Craw · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book I wish I had written!

I had just finished The Body Keeps the Score by Bessel Van der Kolk, and I was pleased to find many of his theories, discoveries, and practical therapeutic applications echoed in Debra Fileta's book. In addition to current therapeutic models for dealing with trauma, Fileta masterfully weaves a scriptural foundation for healing throughout the discussions and case studies.

Well done! This is a book I will purchase to have on hand for future reference!

[Jessica Hatton · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5. Great for anyone considering counseling or looking for more information about mental health. I also greatly appreciate her firm stance on Biblical truths and using that as a foundation in her methodology. As a licensed counselor myself I found it to be a good cohesive review and validation in my own work, but didn’t really learn anything new on my end.

My only complaint is that I found her to plug her own resources a lot, which in her defense are probably also good.

[Jeffrey McDowell · Rating 5 out of 5]

The more books I read by counselors, the more I am starting to understand and appreciate the crucial need for counselors, especially Christian counselors. Seeking mental help has been a stigma in the evangelical Christian circles for far too long. That needs to stop. As a person who has gone to counseling myself for trauma experienced in the field of EMS and working in an ICU during Covid, I can attest to the need and benefit of this sorely lacking resource.