Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up To Be A-Holes: Unfiltered Advice on How to Raise Awesome Kids

by Karen Alpert

Do you ever feel like you’re failing miserably at parenting? Do your kids keep acting like douchenuggets no matter what you do? Then this book is for you.

From the creator of Baby Sideburns and I Heart My Little A-Holes (and the creator of two kids who once were little a-holes but are slowly turning into awesome human beings), Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes is a hilariously honest parenting guide written by a regular mom who doesn’t always know WTF she’s doing. Just like you.

Featuring side-splittingly funny pictures, stories, and chapters like:

You Are Not Your Kiddo's Servant​

Picasso's Mom Didn't Tell Him to Draw the Eyes in the Right Place
Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Cost Thousands in Therapy
If They Say "I Hate You," Then You're Probably Doing It Right
Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes will make you laugh, cry, laugh until you cry, and feel like you’re having coffee (and a little sumpin' in it) with a best friend who has some of the answers to THE hardest job on earth: parenting. And maybe, just maybe, it might help you get the a-hole out of your kids*

*not a guarantee
 

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Humor, Self Help, Adult, Audiobook

272 pages, Hardcover

First published April 27, 2021

Reviews

[Alyssa Johnson · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely had some laughs along the way with this one! Felt like there were some good tips to remember but felt like it was geared mostly toward parents with younger kids. I need need more advice for the tween/teen age.

[Amanda M (On The Middle Shelf) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I read Karen Alpert's previous book back when my kids were toddlers and adored it so I was excited to see she had written another one for this new stage of parenthood. Ultimately this one didn't strike quite the same chord as I Love My Little A-Holes did. It was still a humorous read with lots of wit. Would still recommend reading if you need a laugh.

[Lindsay · Rating 5 out of 5]

Oh my god! Hilarious and full of wit! I have been this mom, I have known this mom! I rarely know what I’m doing and generally try to roll with the punches of parenting. I will be buying my friends with kids this book and I will highly recommend to those who are going to have children one day. This book made me feel less soul weary because it lets you know you are not alone! It tells you that you will screw it up but that’s ok.

I received a free review copy from the publisher in exchange for my honest unedited feedback.

[Rachel Davenport · Rating 5 out of 5]

Baby sideburns does it again. Her no nonsense way of telling it like it is has been so refreshing in a world of ‘perfect moms’. I’ve been following her blog and fb page for years. She helped me navigate through my daughters dressing like a vintage thrift store threw up on them with grace and laughter. She helped me navigate through bullies and school projects. Karen is fantastic. This book is more of the same. Highly recommend.

Btw - Karen if you ever read this, my daughter loves the google comeback. She can’t wait to use it!

[Brooke · Rating 4 out of 5]

The beginning of this book was very mediocre comedy about parenting. She uses swearing or alcohol as the punchline for most of her jokes.

I also am not a fan of her using her kids' names and personal stories as content.

I added a star to my rating because she has an anecdote about watching her daughter ice skating that made me cry and then laugh out loud.

[Julie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I feel like I could be best friends with the author. The whole book feels like a conversation about my own life as a parent written with humor, but also a true passion to raise kind humans. We need more Karens in the world :)

[Kelly Kenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I absolutely loved every part of this book! I laughed out loud so many times! Will definitely be lending it out to some Mom friends but will also read it again and again!

[Bookgrrl · Rating 4 out of 5]

I am a huge fan of this author’s first book, I Heart My Little A-holes. I don’t have children, and the hilarious stories in that first book reminded me of just how happy I am that I don’t have children 😁. So I will admit that I didn’t enjoy this book quite as much. It’s still a really funny book, don’t get me wrong, but interspersed with the funny stories is actual parenting advice (and it all seems like really good advice). Like how to deal with bullies, marching to the beat of your own drum, keeping them entertained, and whatever you do don’t buy them pets! So obviously as a non-parent I had a hard time relating to those stories. But I think for any parent this would definitely be a five star read.

Thank you to NetGalley & Houghton Mifflin Harcourt for this advanced reader copy. All opinions expressed in this review are my own.

[Missy]

-DNF-

I'm not rating this one because I don't want to ruin the book's rating cycle.

Let me begin by saying I LOVE Baby Sideburns. I follow the blog religiously and love Karen Alpert's stories and points of view. I also loved her first book, I Heart My Little A-Holes. But Mama's Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-holes is just a little too close to what I'm actually dealing with in my home for me to enjoy reading about it. To sit in my house listening to my kids screaming at each other and to then go upstairs and sit down in a quiet room (FINALLY) to escape into my current book and experience the characters (in this case Karen's adorable kids) acting the same way and saying the same things my kids were doing that I just escaped from wasn't doing it for me. I read 40% of the book and decided I just couldn't do it anymore and am walking away (which is so hard for me to do). Based on others' reviews, the books is well received so that is all that matters. It just hit a little too close to home for this mom of two.

#MamasDontLetYourBabiesGrowUpToBeAHoles #KarenAlpert #BabySideburns #ParentingAdvice #Humor #NonFiction #Stories #May #2021

[Danielle W · Rating 3 out of 5]

This is a quick read and feels like a funny pep talk for moms. It starts off very strong and then loses a little steam. Midway through, I was feeling kind of meh but it has a strong and heartwarming finish. She includes lists of how to occupy your children (some good suggestions), how not to be an a-hole sports parent, and lists of things you much teach your son and what you must teach your daughter. Her basic premise is that all the hard work you are doing and feeling defeated by is nonetheless important because it is that work that will stop your kid from growing up to be an a-hole (or less of one?). I related to a lot of it and there are cute illustrations and pictures of her and her family that make the pages pass quickly. My favorite suggestion was the last thing she listed that you must teach your daughter: "12. To treat other women like gold. The world makes it hard enough on women already that we don't need to make it even harder on each other." Amen, sister.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very funny look at how to raise your child so they are not a-holes. Or douchenuggets. Or any other fun term the author can come up with! The section on cutting a Guinea pig's nails had me laughing out loud until my husband gave me a weird look. A solid, fun read. Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Sara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thoroughly enjoyed. Funny, relatable and a lot of good tips. Would read/listen again in a couple of years.

- teach kids that it’s ok to notice skin colour but not ok to judge someone by it. It’s what’s inside that matters. Grab 2 cups (favourite colour and non favourite) put tomato juice in favourite and chocolate milk in non-fav. Ask which one they want (favourite - ew) shouldn’t judge by what it looks like, what’s inside that matters
- Harbour creativity. Wear what they want even if it’s weird. Someone asks why they dress weird at school. You know who’s weird? Lady Gaga, Katy perry. Being weird means you aren’t following the crowd and you are a leader. You should be proud.
- Kids bored? Cup challenge - 10 cups filled with various drinks from the house. Have to guess (gross and yummy)
- Topography walk? Just a walk but let them take pictures of anything they want. More interesting to them.
- Scavenger hunt. Make a list of 15 things from your house (not hard) will still take them a while
- Treasure hunt! Hide coins around the house (count first) that they can collect for their piggy bank
- Tell them they have to make supper - make the menu and serve and everything. No help from parents allowed
- Discipline ideas: take away something you were never going to give them: we are t going to the water slides now! I didn’t know we were going..
- if you two aren’t going to get along you can no longer talk to each other
- The next person to leave on a light owes me a dollar
- Having a terrible morning? Ask them - Do you want to start this day over? We can reset it! Draw a circle (button) on a paper and get them to press it. Climb back to bed and pretend to wake up again.
- There’s 2 levels of discipline - taking away ice cream and taking away ice cream and still eating yours in front of them
- There will always be people who judge you. Messy car, etc. they are the jerkwad for judging.
- There’s always going to be some shithead kid. The best way to deal with them is to teach your child how to deal with them
- If you are creating enough fun memories it will overshadow many yelling: ice cream in the bath, dressing up to go to a movie, letting them help you pump the gas, bringing your kids to school on a Sunday because it’s April fools day, ice skating even though you suck, tushy races - see who can scoot to the other side of the room first without using hands…. Letting go of laundry and dishes and having fun with your family today, slow down to enjoy the moments
- Park crawl - bike to farthest park in neighbour hood, play 15 minutes then go to next and next
- Back to school advice - kill everyone with kindness even the mean ones (they probably need it the most), have a few best friends - that way when one is out sick or mad at you, you still have a friend. Walk down the school like a badass. People don’t notice zits or hair they notice self confidence. Don’t save seats at the lunch table. Make sure to speak up in class. Answer a question if you know it or ask a question if you don’t. Help the new kids feel like old kids.
- Even if you’re nice to everyone someone will still take out their pain/anger on you. (Girls hair was cut at school - I just want to know why they did it - I know - because they are hurting in their heart. This is not about you. Someone felt so bad on the inside that they did something to you.
- After school sports are great, keep kids from drugs and video games all day. Good exercise. Teaches sportsmanship. How to lose in the right way.
- Allow kids to quit sports or activities. Money is already gone. Teaching them to walk away from something that isn’t making them happy (I.e. future bad boyfriend)
- Judge a girl by her brain. If a girl gets her period don’t say gross or ew. Only thing you should say is need my sweater to put around your waist.
- Sex talk - tell them before they find out from someone else. It only happens when you’re a grown up in love. Make them swear that they won’t tell their friends. Should talk to parents.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

I’m not a parent to a living child, but I am a hands on godmother to my 5 godchildren who we’re hoping to raise to not be a-holes. Because of that I follow some “parenting” type blogs/pages on Facebook. I have loved and followed Babyside Burns on Facebook for years. I knew I liked her parenting style going into this, so that was no surprise. That said, this book started kind of slow for me. I realize that’s an odd thing to say about a parenting book, but it’s true. I also could not seem to put it down.

I do have some differences in my parenting style, but over all I agree with most of this book. I also have to say, I see Babyside Burn’s annoying parents saving seats at kids concerts and I raise her parents getting arrested and delaying the concert as a result. A few years ago, 3 of the kids had their Christmas program during the day & I left work to attend. A few a-holes had saved seats in the 2nd manner mentioned in the book. Another family did not agree with this and sat in the “saved” seats. Since this was an elementary Christmas program, you know what happened. The 2 families decided to fist fight. This, of course, caused the police to be called and the entire program to be delayed while multiple people were led out in handcuffs so the children wouldn’t see. Me being late back to work was nothing compared to what those kids who had missing parents must have been feeling searching the crowd. This book will help your kids not be those people in the future and it will help you understand the kids whose parents are those people.

Back to the book. There is so much in here that is important. There were times I thought, “I don’t like where this is going. That kid could be (insert godson’s name)” but then it turned around and I wished everyone had the insight Babyside Burns shares. She knows kids aren’t made with cookie cutters. Some kids have home support and still want to be a-holes no matter what their family tries to show them. Some kids do not have home support and as a result act like a-holes. Babyside Burns teaches her kids they might not be able to tell the difference, but kindness is necessary for both. There were many, many times I thought I really hope everyone has the sense to teach their kids this. There were times when I thought, “Thank God we aren’t the only people that do this.” Everything is told with humor and very relatable.

This book was 4.5 stars for me, not for any real fault of Babysides Burns. Yes, we have minor parenting differences (who doesn’t?), I am just super stingy with my 5 stars ratings. The only time I don’t round up is 4.5 to 5. (Hey Goodreads, can we please get the half star options so this isn’t an issue? That’d be great! K, thanks!) I really liked this book and read it super quick. I will definitely be pre-ordering her next book (hint, hint) like I did with this one. It’s a must read for laid back parents who really don’t want their kids to grow up being a-holes.

[Genevieve Trono · Rating 4 out of 5]

{Thank you to @hmhbooks and @dartfroggco for my #gifted copy}⁣
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There is no lack of books in the parenting genre, but a lot of them can make you walk away feeling more discouraged than ever. Sometimes what you really need is a book that makes you nod along, and realize if you are reading about parenting at all, you are probably doing just fine!
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I am a big believer in doing your very best, acknowledging when you mess up, and learning as you go - both with ourselves and with our kids - because at the end of the day, we are all human.
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“Mamas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to Be A-Holes (published today!) is a hilariously honest parenting guide written by a regular mom who doesn’t always know WTF she’s doing. Just like you." ⁣
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This book is written by someone who has been there and author Karen Alpert shares stories you can relate with, mixed with practical advice that will actually come in handy. 🙌⁣
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From the important reminder that no one has it all figured out, to why it can be totally helpful for a stranger to discipline our kids on the playground (it takes a village!)...this book had me laughing and taking notes...
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There were so many sections I took my highlighter to like "Fifty Basic Things to Teach Your Kids Before They Fly the Coop" which is just genius! ⁣
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And I already know I will be using some of Alpert's tips the next time the kids start telling me they are bored and have nothing to do! If you like your parenting advice relatable, attainable, and with a little humor mixed in, I highly recommended adding this book to your spring reading list. ⁣
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[Jessica Haider · Rating 4 out of 5]

Yes, yes, I know... another parenting book. But don't worry, this is not one that is going to give you advice that you will roll your eyes at. This book, as the title indicates, is about how the author is trying not to have her 2 kids grow up to be A-holes. It was hilarious and filled with all sorts of bad words. PERFECTION FOR ME! Karen Alpert is the blogger behind Baby Sideburns and I follow her on Facebook for some entertainment. In her new book, she shares things she has done to try to make her little douchenuggets (her word choice. lol) grow up to be decent humans. She admits that all kids can be little jerks but it is our job to push them into being functional adults who can take care of themselves and be nice to others. I loved the whole thing. It made me laugh and was a pretty quick read. Plus there were photos, which meant it went by even quicker than the page count may lead you to believe. Funny stuff. I recommend this one to parents, wannabe parents, pretend parents and anyone who may have regular contact with douchenuggets.

Thank you to the publisher for the review copy!

[Cara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very rarely do I finish a book and wish the author could join my mom group chat—but Karen Alpert made me want just that. Mamas, Don’t Let Your Kids Grow Up to Be A-Holes is equal parts hilarious and heartwarming, offering parenting advice with the kind of honesty and wit that feels like it’s coming from a best friend over a glass of vino. Alpert doesn’t sugarcoat the chaos of raising kids, but she wraps her insights in such a humorous and relatability that you find yourself laughing through the mess. It’s hands-down one of my favorite parenting books—practical, unfiltered, and fun. Karen just earned herself a new Instagram follower and groupie.

[Cari · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm a big fan of Karen Alpert - I enjoyed all her previous books and am a regular reader of her blog. I love her no-filter approach to raising children and how she embraces everything about parenting, from the gross to the sublime. I was really excited to get this book from Edelweiss - since I read it on my Kindle, I'll have to get a copy of the version that has all the formatting. I love all the little stories and photos that go along with the main narrative. Alpert's style may not be for everyone, but for me and my sense of humor, plus my style of raising my children - it's perfect.

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I love, love, LOVE this author. This book is no exception. It gives me untold peace to know that I’m not alone in my own struggles. Baby Sideburns lets us all know through her books (and her blogs) that, not only are we not alone, but that it’s ok to have tough days and it’s ok to laugh about it! I laughed and cried throughout this humorous book and found plenty of useful advice as well. This book is a treasure and I’m grateful to the book and the author.

[Jen Suehr · Rating 5 out of 5]

I’ve been following Karen Alpert’s blog, Baby Sideburns for years, and thank goodness for that. My kids are around the same age as hers, and she just GETS IT.

Needless to say, this book did not disappoint. I laughed out loud (a lot!) and cried a bit too. It’s so nice to know we don’t always have to be Instagram-perfect moms. Motherhood is messy. Beautiful, but messy. Thanks for being real!

[Kyra · Rating 5 out of 5]

Book received for free through NetGalley
I follow Baby Sideburns on Instagram and jumped at the chance to read her new book. It’s adorable, informative, and funny. I absolutely love that I can choose to sit it in one go or, most likely, read a section here and a section there as I get chances through the day.

[Jenny GB · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book is a bit more serious take on parenting this time from Alpert. I think she means it when she gives her advice for parenting and each chapter contains some touching stories and some heartfelt advice alongside the usual jokes and funny stories. I laughed at this one, but I also found myself taking a few notes for the future, too.

[Shannon · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is less parenting advice and more shared humorous experiences parents all have. It was light-hearted and fun, but also made me feel seen as a parent.

I did feel some chapters maybe could have used a bit more editing. And I struggled with some of the heteronormative assumptions. Otherwise, a fun book!

[Kyla Ren · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is the dialogue of a life of becoming emotionally intelligent for your children, but still knowing that you've got to have moments of being scary Mommy, in order to keep the kids safe and alive, and keep your self sane. She really illustrates that being a mom is just part of her experience of life.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

A refreshingly honest and funny take on raising kids to be good people (to the best of one's ability). It felt a bit rambly at times, but that sort of worked, too. Kind of like sitting down for coffee or something stronger with a mom friend, but in book form. A very modern and progressive take on parenting, which I appreciated.

[Ruth Tovar · Rating 3 out of 5]

Book was a fun and easy read. I’m getting ready to welcome my first child so I wanted some parenting advice. This was a good reminder to not take it so seriously and to remember to have fun with my kid(s). I grew up in a very strict religious Mexican household so this was a completely different take than what I’m used to lol.

[Amanda · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was funny. Lots of good stories from the author's experieces with her daughter and son, including some funny photos. But beyond being entertaining to read, there was good, practical, easily implemented advice. There were lists of tips on various topics. I really enjoyed reading this.

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was funny, profane, honest and wise. I laughed until I cried in some parts. It made me better appreciate what moms are dealing with today and I think I'll be a better grandmother. Absolutely loved it.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was cute, and it made me feel slightly validated as a parent. Good to know I seem to be doing okay. I did not learn anything. Which I guess might mean I was doing okay in the first place. Hooray.

[Crystal · Rating 4 out of 5]

Super funny book! I thoroughly enjoyed this quick read - while hysterical and filled with lots of swearing (which I enjoyed, if you don’t like swearing - definitely don’t read this book) her actual thoughts on parenting are pretty solid, too.

[Laura Philips · Rating 5 out of 5]

Witty, fun, and heart warming all rolled together. Karen nails good parenting and makes us feel better about those non-shining moments along the way.