The Healing Otherness Handbook: Overcome the Trauma of Identity-Based Bullying and Find Power in Your Difference

by Stacee L. Reicherzer

Rewrite your story—and this time, you make the rules.  Were you the victim of childhood bullying based on your identity? Do you carry those scars into adulthood in the form of anxiety, depression, post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD), dysfunctional relationships, substance abuse, or suicidal thoughts? If so, you’re not alone. Our cultural and political climate has reopened old wounds for many people who have felt “othered” at different points in their life, starting with childhood bullying. This breakthrough book will guide you as you learn to identify your deeply rooted fears, and help you heal the invisible wounds of identity-based childhood rejection, bullying, and belittling. In The Healing Otherness Handbook , Stacee Reicherzer—a nationally known transgender psychotherapist and expert on trauma, otherness, and self-sabotage—shares her own personal story of childhood bullying, and how it inspired her to help others heal from the same wounds. Drawing from mindfulness-based cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Reicherzer will help you gain a better understanding of how past trauma has limited your life, and show you the keys to freeing yourself from self-defeating, destructive beliefs. If you’re ready to heal from the past, find power in your difference, and live an authentic life full of confidence—this handbook will help guide you, step by step.

Genres: Psychology, Nonfiction

208 pages, Paperback

Published April 1, 2021

Reviews

[Kiley Young]

I bought a copy of this for myself, and shared another with a client before I even finished reading this. This is an excellent book that really opens up the narrative and perspective on othering trauma. In this handbook Reicherzer explores the ways in which othering trauma sets ongoing "rules" and expectations that lead to internalized oppression, and provides concrete strategies for reframing those expectations.

The Rules of Fear that Reicherzer discusses are:
"You Shouldn't Complain Because Others Are Worse Off Than You"
"You'd Better Tone It Down"
"You Must Work Twice as Hard"
"Oh, You Shouldn't Feel Resentful"
"You Cannot Change The World"

If you feel like you've internalized those messages and they (overtly or covertly) rule your life, you should probably read this book.

On a personal note, this book helped me understand and reframe my own experience in ways that no other resource in my decade as a social worker has. I've always had privilege in the invisibility of many of my identities, but I also grew up with undiagnosed ADHD. Other identities notwithstanding, reframing my experience as a neurodiverse person in a neurotypical world as an experience of otherness has changed my understanding of myself, my experiences, and the way those experiences have sensitized my nervous system.

Professionally, this book has broadened the way that I think about otherness, and has broadened the way that I conceptualize and talk about trauma with my clients. I'm so glad to have this book on my bookshelf, and know that it's a resource I'll return to frequently.

I received an ARC copy of this book from Netgalley and New Harbinger to review. All opinions are my own.

[Rona · Rating 5 out of 5]

Psychologist’s books fail when they promise great outcomes without allowing for bumps along the path. They fail when they are so general that they become meaningless. They fail when they don’t get to the core themes that live within most people.
This book DOES NOT FAIL.
Clearly written, compassionate about the struggle, gets to the heart of otherness in many forms.
Nicely done!

[Pamme · Rating 5 out of 5]

At first glance you might think “The Healing Otherness Handbook: Overcome the Trauma of Identity-Based Bullying & Find Power in Your Difference” is meant for someone else if you haven’t experienced this type of bullying – but you’d be missing out on a valuable learning experience. You may not have been bullied, and particularly because of your identity, but chances are you’ve felt like the ‘other’ at some point in your life and might not even realize what was behind it or how it affected you. Now you have an opportunity to explore some of those feelings and reflect also on what so many people have been through.

Dr. Stacee Reicherzer draws upon a wealth of personal and professional knowledge and experiences and provides a solid framework of understanding, advice and empowerment, all told in such a relatable narrative. Her book feels like a conversation with a deeply empathetic friend that gets where you’ve been, what you might be feeling now, and can help you move forward to where you want to be. You’re sure to come away from this book with a better understanding of yourself and the ‘others’ that you may once have considered to be different, now recognizing how powerfully fantastic those differences really are.

[Matthew Buckley · Rating 5 out of 5]

In The Healing Otherness Handbook, Dr. Reicherzer empowers those who feel and have felt profoundly their own otherness and helps the reader shift from seeing themselves solely as victims of uncontrollable forces, to creators of a success identity. It is unapologetically pragmatic in encouraging pride in self along with discovering the unique gifts that a person has to offer the world. The reader is quickly aware of a calm, affirming, and encouraging voice that promotes clarity of thought and a call to act. I was reminded of my own experience of otherness and feel deeply enriched by this important resource!

[Stephanie Robinson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Release your authentic self, Sassy.

[Kit · Rating 5 out of 5]

Listen, I used to be a self-help snob. But now I'm super into it, and this book is one of the reasons why. It was SO good, so helpful, so welcoming. Every day I did a chapter I felt broken down, and put back together. This was incredible.

[Nicole Westen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was really excited about this book when I saw it in the library catalog. While I was already familiar with quite a few of the concepts in this book through therapy, it didn't disappoint. I love how Reicherzer covers almost every category imaginable for which someone might have been bullied as a kid, race, religion, identity, orientation, and disability. She even included mentions of when it's the adults who do the bullying, because adults are not exempt from this either.
While nothing in this book was really revolutionary for me, I would highly suggest it to anyone who has been picked on, or is being picked on, because of some difference that they can't help or change. If therapy isn't an option for you, whether due to cost, availability, or your current life situation, I believe this book would be incredibly helpful (although I still suggest finding an understanding therapist when the opportunity presents itself). And if you know someone who is being bullied because of who they are, this might be a good book to suggest to them. This book lets you know that you aren't alone in what is happening to you (although I wouldn't wish what happened to me on anyone), because the purpose of bullying is to isolate, and knowing that you aren't alone, and you fine just as you are, can feel comforting and empowering.

[slashyrogue · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had hoped to be writing a better review of this because when I read the description it seemed like something I would get good insight from.

But every chapter seemed to be pulling toward something in the next chapter, and then the next, while most of the "stories" from other "otherness" folks seemed I dunno....stale? I dunno, maybe I'm not the demographic for this. There were moments in it that I was like 'oh yeah I feel like that sometimes' but I feel like ALOT of people do and this didn't give me much insight in how to combat things except breathing exercises, visualizations, and one point...dancing.

It wasn't a bad book, I just didn't get what I felt I would from it.

Thanks to NetGalley for this ARC in exchange for an honest review.