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Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend: Notes from the Other Side of the Fist Bump – A Hilarious Memoir-in-Essays on Race and Identity
In an era in which “I have many black friends” is often a medal of Wokeness, Ben hilariously chronicles the experience of being on the receiving end of those fist bumps. He takes us through his immigrant childhood, from wanting nothing more than friends to sit with at lunch, to his awkward teenage years, to college in the age of Obama, and adulthood in the Trump administration—two sides of the same American coin.
Ben takes his role as your new black friend seriously, providing original and borrowed wisdom on stereotypes, slurs, the whole “swimming thing,” how much Beyoncé is too much Beyoncé, Black Girl Magic, the rise of the Karens, affirmative action, the Black Lives Matter movement, and other conversations you might want to have with your new BBFF.
Oscillating between the impulse to be "one of the good ones" and the occasional need to excuse himself to the restrooms, stuff his mouth with toilet paper, and scream, Ben navigates his own Blackness as an "Oreo" with too many opinions for his father’s liking, an encyclopedic knowledge of CW teen dramas, and a mouth he can't always control.
From cheating his way out of swim tests to discovering stray family members in unlikely places, he finds the punchline in the serious while acknowledging the blunt truths of existing as a Black man in today’s world.
Ben takes his role as your new black friend seriously, providing original and borrowed wisdom on stereotypes, slurs, the whole “swimming thing,” how much Beyoncé is too much Beyoncé, Black Girl Magic, the rise of the Karens, affirmative action, the Black Lives Matter movement, and other conversations you might want to have with your new BBFF.
Oscillating between the impulse to be "one of the good ones" and the occasional need to excuse himself to the restrooms, stuff his mouth with toilet paper, and scream, Ben navigates his own Blackness as an "Oreo" with too many opinions for his father’s liking, an encyclopedic knowledge of CW teen dramas, and a mouth he can't always control.
From cheating his way out of swim tests to discovering stray family members in unlikely places, he finds the punchline in the serious while acknowledging the blunt truths of existing as a Black man in today’s world.
320 pages, Paperback
First published April 27, 2021
150 people are currently reading
7097 people want to read
About the author
Ben Philippe
4 books733 followersBen Philippe was born in Haiti, raised in Montreal, Canada, and resides in New York City, where he teaches Screenwriting and writes for television (Only Murders In The Building, Interview With The Vampire). He is an alum of Columbia University and a graduate of the Michener Center for Writers of UT Austin. He still does not have a valid driver’s license. He'll get it soon. He promises. It's just so much paperwork. And, like, an exam.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 292 reviews
April 5, 2021
Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend is a great collection of essays from Ben Philippe. Its a humorous memoir about a Black man who was born in Haiti, grew up in Canada, and has spent his adult years in America. He had three different types of Black experiences in each country with America being more insidious than the previous two. I'm not the intended audience for this book, but I did enjoy reading it. As I read, I saw several experiences that the author and I had in common (for example being called an "Oreo"). Throughout the book, Philippe covers things that White people should not say or do if they aspire to have a Black friend. For example, don't touch our hair, don't openly express your disinterest of dating Black people on apps, don't ask why you can't say the n-word, etc.
Most of the book covers the various racial experiences in Philippe's life in short chapters with creative titles. Each chapter is its own experience, you never know how each one will end. In some cases, chapters can catch you off guard (i.e. Chapter 24: Black Man Goes, "Boo"). Some of my favorites include his story on how he "passed" Columbia University's swim test, the Black women who influenced him (one of whom designed the book's cover), and his experiences with ghosting and online dating. He closes his book with chapters that are ripped from the headline: experiences with a male and female "Karen" and his reaction to the 2020 racial justice protests. His writing is very powerful in the later chapters while still putting his humor on very bleak topics. I resonated the most with his descriptions on the things he has to do to be safe as a Black man in America (i.e. don't get angry). This is a very important, albeit humorous, book to read in our current moment of racial reckoning.
Thanks to NetGalley, Harper Perennial, and Ben Philippe for a free ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. This book will be released on April 27, 2021.
Most of the book covers the various racial experiences in Philippe's life in short chapters with creative titles. Each chapter is its own experience, you never know how each one will end. In some cases, chapters can catch you off guard (i.e. Chapter 24: Black Man Goes, "Boo"). Some of my favorites include his story on how he "passed" Columbia University's swim test, the Black women who influenced him (one of whom designed the book's cover), and his experiences with ghosting and online dating. He closes his book with chapters that are ripped from the headline: experiences with a male and female "Karen" and his reaction to the 2020 racial justice protests. His writing is very powerful in the later chapters while still putting his humor on very bleak topics. I resonated the most with his descriptions on the things he has to do to be safe as a Black man in America (i.e. don't get angry). This is a very important, albeit humorous, book to read in our current moment of racial reckoning.
Thanks to NetGalley, Harper Perennial, and Ben Philippe for a free ARC copy in exchange for an honest review. This book will be released on April 27, 2021.
May 23, 2023
Moving from Haiti to Canada, during his formative years, proved to be a bit more than culture shock for Mr. Phillippe. He shares his story in this captivating, thought-provoking, giggle-inducing book, which taught me so much.
This was the first time I'd ever heard that a particular ivy league institution requires each and every student to swim the length of the pool in order to graduate. And that is the hook I used when I took this to "my" students. Yes, I bribed them with pop-tarts if they read the book and told me the answer.
I do know Mr. Phillippe is also a YA author and I'm looking very forward to checking those books out, too.
This was the first time I'd ever heard that a particular ivy league institution requires each and every student to swim the length of the pool in order to graduate. And that is the hook I used when I took this to "my" students. Yes, I bribed them with pop-tarts if they read the book and told me the answer.
I do know Mr. Phillippe is also a YA author and I'm looking very forward to checking those books out, too.
September 10, 2024
Author Ben Philippe
Ben Philippe was born in Haiti, grew up in Canada, and - after graduating from Columbia University in New York and the Michener Center for Writers in Austin - settled in the Big Apple. Ben is the author of the young adult novels Field Guide to the North American Teenager and Charming as a Verb, and also pens screenplays and television pilots.
Ben Philippe at a book signing.
In this memoir Ben writes about his life, his parents, and what it's like to be black in a white society. Ben's essays are funny, earnest, honest, angry, and occasionally cringeworthy as Ben seeks 'experiences' for 'a story.'
It's kind of a cliché that liberal white people claim to have a black best friend, and in modern society, it just might be true. For white folks who aspire to have a black bestie, Ben cautions NOT to say or ask:
Can I touch your hair?
I don't care what color you are; it's all the same to me.
I just really don't think about race.
So what, I just can't say the n-word, even if I don't use it as a slur?
Are black guys really bigger down there?
Ben learned these caveats in Western society, after spending his young boyhood in Haiti. On the Caribbean island, Ben was born to Belsy - a trained nurse; and Robert - a multilingual scholar who worked for the Ministry of Education.
Everyday life in Haiti
When Ben was six, his family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec, Canada for better opportunities.
Ben's family moved to the city of Sherbrooke in Quebec
Ben spoke Creole at home, French in school, and learned English largely on his own. Much of Ben's English prowess was picked up from television shows, and he can tell you anything you'd want to know about programs like Gilmore Girls; Gossip Girl; 90210; The West Wing; Frazier; and many others. Ben also seems quite au courant with programs like The Real Housewives of Potomac, The Real Housewives of Atlanta, and more. (Ben would probably be SO FUN to hang out with.)
Ben knows everything about Gossip Girl and other television shows
Ben's young life in Canada was not entirely peaceful because his father was a violent man who shouted at his wife and occasionally belted his son. Ben imagines the white neighbors resented the loud foreign blacks next door and that native Canadians kept an eye on the rowdy immigrant men.
Ben's father Robert - a philanderer with numerous wives, girlfriends, and children - came and went, and finally abandoned Ben and his mom completely. Ben MUCH preferred his father to be gone, but is chagrinned that "black communities, especially in America, are often put on trial for the literal sins of their fathers." Ben points out that black families without permanent dads might still benefit from black men who parent by way of cohabitation, visitation, and mentorship.
Though there were few black children in any of Ben's classes, he didn't begin to experience real racism until middle school, when black kids were divided into three groups: the thugs, the oreos, and the immigrants.
Ben was dubbed an oreo, and explains he didn't fit in with the black crowd who wore dreads, hoop earrings, and were part of the hip-hop culture.
Hip-Hop Kids
Ben was the corny oreo with good grades who went directly home after school and was more familiar with Celine Dion than Kanye and Fitty. In fact Ben had a series of white best friends in school, with whom he hung out, traded lunches, obsessed over Dragon Ball Z, etc.
Ben was kind of a nerd
Ben decided to relocate to the United States for college, where he could live as 'A BLACK GUY' instead of 'THE BLACK GUY', and he says the difference is a canyon. In Columbia's larger black ecosystem, Ben met black jocks, artists, Republicans, men, women.....and also douchebags who happened to be black.
Columbia University has a diverse black community
Ben tells lots of stories about his college years, like the time he hired a ringer to pass Columbia's swim test; the time he lost 30 pounds to lose his man-boobs and be more attractive to girls; the time he slept with a white girl who played out a 'being raped by a black guy' fantasy; and more.
Ben also writes about Black Girl Magic, and mentions some of his best black female friends and the many black women he's met over the years - friends, neighbors, cousins, fellow authors, even co-workers - whom he views as 'sisters.'
After college, Ben earned an MFA from the Michener Center For Writers in Austin, Texas - a liberal haven in a conservative state. Here Ben had at least one icky experience with a girl when he was in pursuit of 'a story.' Ben graduated from Michener with nine rejections from book publishers, but later became a successful author, using his life as inspiration for his YA novels.
Michener Center For Writers
Much of the book is light-hearted and fun, and - in a podcast interview - Ben mentions this was his original intention. However things like white privilege, the history of slavery, racism, the Karens, and President Trump calling Haiti a shithole country (among other things) made Ben angry.
Moreover, the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd, and Trayvon Martin REALLY infuriated Ben. Thus, in the latter essays, Ben rants against white nationalists, racists, Trump, MAGA people, and so on. Ben's is one more voice lambasting an unjust system.
In case you get the opportunity to make Ben one of your best friends, here are some things he wants you to know:
He can be difficult and occasionally mean.
He can be overly sensitive and petty.
He tests people to see if white friends are secretly racist.
He leans toward coward.
He resists peer pressure.
He's a college professor and working writer with an unearned sense of superiority and very thin skin when it comes to criticism.
He isn't spiritual, superstitious, or religious.
Your text asking for weed will be ignored.
So there you have it. The book's title led me to expect a different narrative, but I enjoyed the book and highly recommend it.
You can find an interview with Ben Philippe on The Gray Area Podcast on YouTube.
Ben Philippe being interviewed by Gary Gray
You can follow my reviews at https://reviewsbybarbsaffer.blogspot.com
May 2, 2021
Being a Black man in America has been an entirely different experience from being Black everywhere before. Blackness is just different here. Here, it comes with a community and a history but also with an immediate fear and a proportional rage at having to be so afraid all the time. And, make no mistake, white people: I am truly afraid all the time.
Ben Philippe was born in Haiti, left at an early age to live in Canada with his parents and spent majority of his twenties in the US studying in NYC. In his first collection of essays Sure, I’ll Be Your Black Friend he details what life is like being the only Black person in different spaces. In his introduction he notes:
Because of this wrinkle of having been born Haitian, raised Canadian, and having adopted America as my third home in adulthood, conversation both about and around race have always been a fixture in my life.
It is through these conversations and experiences he is able hilariously and soberly tell us about his life. We read about how he lived a plush life in Haiti, having gone to school with expats. He left at an early age for Canada where he had to assimilate to life in this cold, far away country. Of course, looking back he was able to see all the microaggressions and the ways in which he was discriminated against. Fast forward to moving to NYC and attending university, he is thrown into what life is really like for a Black man in America.
I really enjoyed this book more than I thought it would. Ben Philippe’s writing is hilarious, self-depreciating without being cringy and truly vulnerable in moments when it needs to be. That is very hard line to walk and he does it really well. I am always looking to read more about the Haitian experience and I think this may have been the first book I read where someone was a Haitian of means who left the island on “their terms”. I loved his relationship with his mother, how he documents their early move to Canada and what finding a new community.
I think what stood out for me also was how he detailed a breakup with his roommate who happened to be his best friend. It is not every day you get a male perspective how sad and heart breaking it is to break up with your other male friend. There is also the underlining of racism and power dynamics. Well executed!
Yes, there were some moments/experiences he went over a lot and that made the memoir dragged a lot. Overall, I would recommend this one!
Ben Philippe was born in Haiti, left at an early age to live in Canada with his parents and spent majority of his twenties in the US studying in NYC. In his first collection of essays Sure, I’ll Be Your Black Friend he details what life is like being the only Black person in different spaces. In his introduction he notes:
Because of this wrinkle of having been born Haitian, raised Canadian, and having adopted America as my third home in adulthood, conversation both about and around race have always been a fixture in my life.
It is through these conversations and experiences he is able hilariously and soberly tell us about his life. We read about how he lived a plush life in Haiti, having gone to school with expats. He left at an early age for Canada where he had to assimilate to life in this cold, far away country. Of course, looking back he was able to see all the microaggressions and the ways in which he was discriminated against. Fast forward to moving to NYC and attending university, he is thrown into what life is really like for a Black man in America.
I really enjoyed this book more than I thought it would. Ben Philippe’s writing is hilarious, self-depreciating without being cringy and truly vulnerable in moments when it needs to be. That is very hard line to walk and he does it really well. I am always looking to read more about the Haitian experience and I think this may have been the first book I read where someone was a Haitian of means who left the island on “their terms”. I loved his relationship with his mother, how he documents their early move to Canada and what finding a new community.
I think what stood out for me also was how he detailed a breakup with his roommate who happened to be his best friend. It is not every day you get a male perspective how sad and heart breaking it is to break up with your other male friend. There is also the underlining of racism and power dynamics. Well executed!
Yes, there were some moments/experiences he went over a lot and that made the memoir dragged a lot. Overall, I would recommend this one!
January 23, 2021
Omg! So much to say about this book. So much to unpack.
First off let me say how much I enjoyed this book! This book made my cold heart feel things. Some of the topics that are talked about are heavy and so important. He does however bring some light to a very dense subject matter, that being a black man in America. Or for that matter just being black.
If you looking for a book that will teach you a few things about the world that we live in. The honest to God truth of the world but in easy to swallow essays, this is the place to be. That being said, expect to be uncomfortable at times. Yes, he will talk about the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, of Breonna Taylor, of George Floyd, of Trayvon Martin and of Elijah McClain. ( And if you don't know any of these people, I urge you to do some research). He will touch on the microaggression that he as experience and the very deep struggles of being a black women.
This made me feel seen and heard in ways I haven't felt before. So all my fellow sisters and brothers, read this book. And if you aren't black, read this book anyways, you might learn a thing or two.
To Ben, if there's a possibility that you are reading this, it's a steel door hiding fluff.
I was kindly giving this book as an ARC by HarperCollins Ca in exchange for an honest review.
First off let me say how much I enjoyed this book! This book made my cold heart feel things. Some of the topics that are talked about are heavy and so important. He does however bring some light to a very dense subject matter, that being a black man in America. Or for that matter just being black.
If you looking for a book that will teach you a few things about the world that we live in. The honest to God truth of the world but in easy to swallow essays, this is the place to be. That being said, expect to be uncomfortable at times. Yes, he will talk about the murders of Ahmaud Arbery, of Breonna Taylor, of George Floyd, of Trayvon Martin and of Elijah McClain. ( And if you don't know any of these people, I urge you to do some research). He will touch on the microaggression that he as experience and the very deep struggles of being a black women.
This made me feel seen and heard in ways I haven't felt before. So all my fellow sisters and brothers, read this book. And if you aren't black, read this book anyways, you might learn a thing or two.
To Ben, if there's a possibility that you are reading this, it's a steel door hiding fluff.
I was kindly giving this book as an ARC by HarperCollins Ca in exchange for an honest review.
December 22, 2023
"Wait, why wouldn't you give your own memoir a 5-star?"
Dang. Ok, therapist earning that co-pay!
Dang. Ok, therapist earning that co-pay!
January 31, 2021
Disclaimer: I was already a huge fan of Ben Philippe’s YA novels before starting this book.
Now, I’m an even bigger fan— of Ben the writer and Ben the person. His memoir in essays was originally intended to describe the “quirks and maybe light trauma of having been the Black friend in white spaces all my life.” And there is a good amount of that... he recounts his childhood and college experiences with humor, but also with honesty and vulnerability. He calls out the microaggressions he experienced, and sprinkles further reading suggestions throughout— since, as he puts it, “there will be no expertise here. That is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s lane.”
But his goal is not to entertain or to make white readers comfortable. While he was writing this book, spring and summer 2020 happened— Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd. And the final chapters of the book are very much about his anger and his exhaustion and his frustration with “this important summer that I fear we won’t remember next year.” He talks at length about the privileges he’s had, the choices he’s made, and how he realizes he is seen as “one of the good ones.” And the two-pronged frustration this instills: first, that there is a measuring stick of white approval; and second, that he could still very easily become a statistic.
Several months ago, I reviewed Frederick Joseph’s The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person. It garnered some starred reviews. There were things I thought Joseph did well, but his patronizing tone really put me off. I didn’t get the impression Joseph had friendly feelings for his readers. That’s not the case with Ben’s book. Ben’s friendship is the one I’d fight a lot harder for.
The audience is general adult. The conversational tone will appeal to teens, but the book does include a somewhat explicit (though not gratuitous) sex scene.
Thanks to Harper Perennial and NetGalley for the electronic arc.
Now, I’m an even bigger fan— of Ben the writer and Ben the person. His memoir in essays was originally intended to describe the “quirks and maybe light trauma of having been the Black friend in white spaces all my life.” And there is a good amount of that... he recounts his childhood and college experiences with humor, but also with honesty and vulnerability. He calls out the microaggressions he experienced, and sprinkles further reading suggestions throughout— since, as he puts it, “there will be no expertise here. That is Ta-Nehisi Coates’s lane.”
But his goal is not to entertain or to make white readers comfortable. While he was writing this book, spring and summer 2020 happened— Ahmaud Arbery, Breonna Taylor, George Floyd. And the final chapters of the book are very much about his anger and his exhaustion and his frustration with “this important summer that I fear we won’t remember next year.” He talks at length about the privileges he’s had, the choices he’s made, and how he realizes he is seen as “one of the good ones.” And the two-pronged frustration this instills: first, that there is a measuring stick of white approval; and second, that he could still very easily become a statistic.
Several months ago, I reviewed Frederick Joseph’s The Black Friend: On Being a Better White Person. It garnered some starred reviews. There were things I thought Joseph did well, but his patronizing tone really put me off. I didn’t get the impression Joseph had friendly feelings for his readers. That’s not the case with Ben’s book. Ben’s friendship is the one I’d fight a lot harder for.
The audience is general adult. The conversational tone will appeal to teens, but the book does include a somewhat explicit (though not gratuitous) sex scene.
Thanks to Harper Perennial and NetGalley for the electronic arc.
June 6, 2022
I enjoyed this wryly humorous, candid memoir with insight on race and pop culture. The author revealed much from personal experiences in a nonlinear narrative that kept me engaged as a reader.
While his story is completly original, I feel the thoughtful influences of Trevor Noah's memoir. Ben Philippe was born in Haiti to an affluent family, but their wealth quickly diminished when they moved to Canada; the standard of living was quite different and employment opportunities fewer. It was cool to learn of his writing fellowship at UT in Austin and I appreciated the many reading recommendations.
Discovering that he was writing this in 2020 also reminded me of The Sentence by Louise Erdrich for thoughtful reckoning of the police lynchings of many Black lives. And chapter 26 privides empowering & wise thoughts of Haiti's independence and Trump's abhorrent behavior specifically toward Haitians which felt like an update to Ta-Nehisi Coates' book We Were Eight Years in Power.
While his story is completly original, I feel the thoughtful influences of Trevor Noah's memoir. Ben Philippe was born in Haiti to an affluent family, but their wealth quickly diminished when they moved to Canada; the standard of living was quite different and employment opportunities fewer. It was cool to learn of his writing fellowship at UT in Austin and I appreciated the many reading recommendations.
Discovering that he was writing this in 2020 also reminded me of The Sentence by Louise Erdrich for thoughtful reckoning of the police lynchings of many Black lives. And chapter 26 privides empowering & wise thoughts of Haiti's independence and Trump's abhorrent behavior specifically toward Haitians which felt like an update to Ta-Nehisi Coates' book We Were Eight Years in Power.
October 12, 2021
Yo Ben Philippe is hilarious and he’s perfect proof the Black people are not a monolith. There are so many moments of this book that made me laugh, rage and cringe at the same time. From his passion for Gilmore Girls, to the loss of his virginity interrupted by a one-sided Black male r*pe fantasy that his white sex partner was playing out during coitus without his consent. He had quite a few moments in here that made me say.. bro, what in the hell??
On the flip his love of Evanescence and My Chemical Romance, alongside his proud Haitian Caribbean and Canadian *yay Celine* heritage made me say — yeah, same! (¬‿¬) Jamaican Canadian on my ends, but his depictions of that Caribbean male mentality was strong and on point, his pops was a rolling stone and the effects were deep. I thought the stories he told about his pops were the perfect amount of involved and detached. It’s unique to hear those stories play out and yet not have them be the main focus of the book.
The roommate situation was OD crazy. I have a lot of thoughts around why this situation affected him so intensely. I feel like this book could have been written to tell that story exclusively. Also, there's an element of this book not being written for me that was overtly apparent.
Ben Philippe and this book kinda reminds me of Damon Young and his book What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker.
This book was good company throughout my week. I enjoyed the audio and although there were some parts that dragged, and more than a few parts that were questionable, I recommend it.
On the flip his love of Evanescence and My Chemical Romance, alongside his proud Haitian Caribbean and Canadian *yay Celine* heritage made me say — yeah, same! (¬‿¬) Jamaican Canadian on my ends, but his depictions of that Caribbean male mentality was strong and on point, his pops was a rolling stone and the effects were deep. I thought the stories he told about his pops were the perfect amount of involved and detached. It’s unique to hear those stories play out and yet not have them be the main focus of the book.
The roommate situation was OD crazy. I have a lot of thoughts around why this situation affected him so intensely. I feel like this book could have been written to tell that story exclusively. Also, there's an element of this book not being written for me that was overtly apparent.
Ben Philippe and this book kinda reminds me of Damon Young and his book What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Blacker.
This book was good company throughout my week. I enjoyed the audio and although there were some parts that dragged, and more than a few parts that were questionable, I recommend it.
April 29, 2021
Solidly interesting, entertaining, and informative collection of essays about Ben Philippe's life and evolving views on what it means to be a Black (Canadian/Haitian) man in America. I appreciated his open and astute insights and anecdotes that helped to clarify his positions on many things. I especially liked his take on the events of the US in the past year, it gave me another dimension to consider and think about.
The one thing I was a bit unclear about was who he is writing for. Is it for me--a white middle aged woman wanting to learn? Is it for someone who just doesn't get any part of what he's trying to say? Is it to show his position and thinking to other POC? Yes, it could be all of those, but it doesn't read like a book for everyone, and that's where it got muddled for me.
I've also read and watched an interview about his incendiary comments about race wars and the gassing of white people. I felt personally as if he was trying to be both humorous and evocative and really fell short of his goal. The humor throughout this book was very relatable, almost folksy, yet in this instance (and a few other a bit less shocking ones) the reader gets a glimpse at some things he has probably pushed behind a mask for the sake of propriety and relatability.
Overall, I think this is a very worthwhile read for those looking for a variety of perspectives on race in America. There are some great parts and some not-so-great, but these are his words and his experiences so I must respect him for speaking his truth.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own. Thank you to Harper Perennial for the review copy.
The one thing I was a bit unclear about was who he is writing for. Is it for me--a white middle aged woman wanting to learn? Is it for someone who just doesn't get any part of what he's trying to say? Is it to show his position and thinking to other POC? Yes, it could be all of those, but it doesn't read like a book for everyone, and that's where it got muddled for me.
I've also read and watched an interview about his incendiary comments about race wars and the gassing of white people. I felt personally as if he was trying to be both humorous and evocative and really fell short of his goal. The humor throughout this book was very relatable, almost folksy, yet in this instance (and a few other a bit less shocking ones) the reader gets a glimpse at some things he has probably pushed behind a mask for the sake of propriety and relatability.
Overall, I think this is a very worthwhile read for those looking for a variety of perspectives on race in America. There are some great parts and some not-so-great, but these are his words and his experiences so I must respect him for speaking his truth.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own. Thank you to Harper Perennial for the review copy.
May 11, 2021
This book had the potential to be good but never quite made it there. Philippe tried to take too many angles: Is it a memoir? Is it a tongue-in-cheek handbook for white friends? Is it a self-deprecating humor book? Is it an educational book on race? The end result was not, alas, a laugh-out-loud memoir seamlessly supported with cultural context, but a random assortment of essays that jump around different points of Philippe's life and self-consciously break the fourth wall far too often. He frequently talks about being a self-centered asshole, and unfortunately his stories affirm that more often than they contradict it, even though he has full rein to give his side of the story. The editing was also sorely lacking, as the verb tenses are all over the place (even sometimes within the same sentence), and there's a whole section where he reviews his life in second person ("You are X years old...") except that he occasionally inserts first-person sentences. It's clear from the way he talks about the book itself in the book that he doesn't actually know what exactly he's trying to accomplish, and the very end is an awkward ramble about how he doesn't know how to end the book. He doesn't seem to have checked any of his memories against his mother's or friends' while writing the book, as he'll often interrupt a story to say he doesn't remember this or that detail but never mentions how anyone else remembers the same incident.
There are certainly memorable passages and a handful of lines I highlighted. Where his personal narrative came through all the self-conscious ramblings, I appreciated hearing about his life as a Haitian immigrant to Canada who ended up in the United States long term. However, I think ultimately this book was an interesting premise that fell through in the execution. If he'd made it strictly a memoir, it might have worked better, but then again it seems that Philippe, at 31, simply doesn't have enough of a grasp on the narrative of his life to write the kind of retrospective yet. It was an interesting attempt, but I'm glad to be done with it now.
There are certainly memorable passages and a handful of lines I highlighted. Where his personal narrative came through all the self-conscious ramblings, I appreciated hearing about his life as a Haitian immigrant to Canada who ended up in the United States long term. However, I think ultimately this book was an interesting premise that fell through in the execution. If he'd made it strictly a memoir, it might have worked better, but then again it seems that Philippe, at 31, simply doesn't have enough of a grasp on the narrative of his life to write the kind of retrospective yet. It was an interesting attempt, but I'm glad to be done with it now.
June 8, 2021
The genius of this book is that it is both for and decidedly not for the white gaze. Somehow, Ben Philippe manages to speak both to and around a white audience. He affirms for other Black people the idiosyncrasies of living Black in predominantly white spaces, and educates white people about the peculiar and sometimes inadvertent aggression of the well-meaning white person who would enthusiastically embrace us as their "Black friend". With a lot of laugh-out-loud moments from his own history, he describes perfectly how the manner of that embrace is often unwelcome. This book was for me also a reminder of the remarkable emotional agility of Black people, to live with humor in a world that sometimes exhausts, exploits and, in the worst of circumstances, seeks to end them.
August 16, 2021
LOVED this one, went from laugh-out-loud moments to feeling bits of overwhelming rage on Philippe's behalf back to appreciation at his exquisitely deployed pop culture references. I know his YA novels (The Field Guide to the North American Teenager, Charming as a Verb) have been well-regarded but I hadn't gotten around to reading them yet--definitely bumping them up on my TBR now!!
I will add a CW for some talk about weight loss (and gain) that he acknowledges as being ~problematic as he writes it but then says also basically, it's his memoir and his feelings about his body caused by the society he grew up in and like, is he not supposed to write about it? And: fair. Just mentioning it for any who might find it triggering. (In addition to the discussion of racism, police brutality etc which also might be triggering but maybe more expected here.)
I will add a CW for some talk about weight loss (and gain) that he acknowledges as being ~problematic as he writes it but then says also basically, it's his memoir and his feelings about his body caused by the society he grew up in and like, is he not supposed to write about it? And: fair. Just mentioning it for any who might find it triggering. (In addition to the discussion of racism, police brutality etc which also might be triggering but maybe more expected here.)
April 7, 2021
SURE, I’LL BE YOUR BLACK FRIEND: Notes From the Other Side of the Fist Bump by Ben Philippe is a great memoir! Ben shares his experiences as a Black friend in predominantly white spaces. He’s a writer who lives in New York, was born in Haiti and raised in Montreal, Canada. His writing shines in this book. There were several parts that were really funny! The friendly and conversational tone he used made it an entertaining read. I really enjoyed the suggested reading lists and the Lexicon to a Black Experience Narrative at the end that explained some terms such as “woke” and “caucacity”. I also loved all the references to Gilmore Girls throughout the entire book. This book is humorous, honest and compelling. I’m so curious to read his YA novels now!
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Thank you to Harper Collins Canada for my uncorrected proof!
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Thank you to Harper Collins Canada for my uncorrected proof!
March 31, 2024
This book reads like something that Philippe needed to get out of his system. To this white reader it was sometimes informative, often funny, and also ultimately doesn't pull its punches in terms of Black rage (or, at least Ben's Black rage). Don't get distracted by the friendly title: the project of this book seems to be exploring what Black identity means, for him personally but also more broadly, and Philippe is going to take you all the way through the fucked up shit.
Philippe has a collection of interesting experiences, having been born in Haiti, raised in Canada, and experienced young adulthood and adulthood in the U.S. It gives him a unique perspective if nothing else. It's also - not gonna lie - probably easier for white folks to read, since he shares a nerdy love for things often associated with white people: Game of Thrones, Celine Dion, Gossip Girls, etc. He can speak our language!
During the more personal sector of the book it's hard not to feel for him. His story of breaking up with a male best friend is heartbreaking, and too rare to see from a straight male writer. His essay on losing his virginity is devastating; the last line a gut punch. On a lighter note, his description of what it's like to live in NYC is *chef's kiss*. I literally read it aloud to my partner, and we cackled in recognition.
This book has the slightly unfocused, maybe unfinished feel of memoirs written by people in their early 30s (she says, now having read two, eyeroll). You have something to say by that age, but also no real conclusions. Which is fine, because you're not even halfway through your life if you're lucky. It would be interesting to catch up with Philippe in another 30 years and see where he lands. If his mother stays healthy and he falls in love and builds a successful relationship, I wonder how that might change his perspective, for instance. Ben needs hugs!
Ultimately, if nothing else, this book provides one window on the Black experience, in particular during the high-heat Trump/2020 trash fire era (which is arguably ongoing).
Philippe has a collection of interesting experiences, having been born in Haiti, raised in Canada, and experienced young adulthood and adulthood in the U.S. It gives him a unique perspective if nothing else. It's also - not gonna lie - probably easier for white folks to read, since he shares a nerdy love for things often associated with white people: Game of Thrones, Celine Dion, Gossip Girls, etc. He can speak our language!
During the more personal sector of the book it's hard not to feel for him. His story of breaking up with a male best friend is heartbreaking, and too rare to see from a straight male writer. His essay on losing his virginity is devastating; the last line a gut punch. On a lighter note, his description of what it's like to live in NYC is *chef's kiss*. I literally read it aloud to my partner, and we cackled in recognition.
This book has the slightly unfocused, maybe unfinished feel of memoirs written by people in their early 30s (she says, now having read two, eyeroll). You have something to say by that age, but also no real conclusions. Which is fine, because you're not even halfway through your life if you're lucky. It would be interesting to catch up with Philippe in another 30 years and see where he lands. If his mother stays healthy and he falls in love and builds a successful relationship, I wonder how that might change his perspective, for instance. Ben needs hugs!
Ultimately, if nothing else, this book provides one window on the Black experience, in particular during the high-heat Trump/2020 trash fire era (which is arguably ongoing).
June 23, 2021
This book is more than just homor, or social satire - Phillippe 'goes there' about his life, his family, life in academia, and white hypocrisy. It's on the nail and funny as hell!
May 25, 2022
So.
Well.
I grew up in a rural county in Alabama in which the Klu Klux Klan marched when I was an adolescent.
Why did they march? To protest Black children being permitted to live at the community orphanage, and to get an education at the public elementary schools.
I can't remember if I was in middle or high school when that happened. All I remember is that my mother and daddy explained how those people were "white trash."
And that we were not.
I remember being in elementary school and wanting to go home to play with somebody, and Mama saying no, you can play with them at school or here.
A decade-and-a-half later I asked her about this. "Their parents were in the Klan, Kristi. We didn't want you to be around that."
Well, then, why didn't you explain that?
"Well, Kristi, although you were a very smart child, there is really no way to explain the Klan to a 9-year-old, no matter how smart she was."
My daddy was an Alabama State Trooper. Who worked the road in the 1960s and 1970s. He used to tell stories about things like going to the Ray Charles concert in Montgomery and having to keep the white people out, and being the lead car escorting a Black funeral procession out of Alabama and into Mississippi, and everybody driving faster and faster and faster because they all thought they were being chased.
They weren't.
I'm pretty sure that at some point in my life I sunk to the level of making racist jokes, just to fit in. Especially when I lived in Selma, Alabama. Kills me to admit that, especially given how I was an instructor in the-then Minority Journalism Program at The University of Alabama in the late 1990s when I worked there and volunteered to do such. Hypocrite, much?
I read this book not because I needed a "Black Friend," but because I wanted to get a perspective on things from someone younger than me and not of the same gender. I wanted to be challenged, to understand what (if any) inner "Karen" I might have going on. I mean, y'all? I ain't stupid. I get systemic and internalized racism. Guilty, guilty, guilty. (We'll talk internalized misogynism later on in the day.....)
So.
Well.
I don't think I would like to be friend-friends with Ben Phillipe. He's got that whole, "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you," vibe going on. He's so much younger than me, and so much geekier than me (and that's saying something!), that I just can't imagine us hanging out.
I _do_ think I would've enjoyed his writing more if I'd read it once a month in The New Yorker or whatever. It was just too much all at once.
My Take: He's smart, he's funny, he's bitchy, and he's conflicted about his sexuality, whether he's ready to come to grips with it or not not.
Bottom Line: Pages 241-297 matter. More than you might ever imagine.
Well.
I grew up in a rural county in Alabama in which the Klu Klux Klan marched when I was an adolescent.
Why did they march? To protest Black children being permitted to live at the community orphanage, and to get an education at the public elementary schools.
I can't remember if I was in middle or high school when that happened. All I remember is that my mother and daddy explained how those people were "white trash."
And that we were not.
I remember being in elementary school and wanting to go home to play with somebody, and Mama saying no, you can play with them at school or here.
A decade-and-a-half later I asked her about this. "Their parents were in the Klan, Kristi. We didn't want you to be around that."
Well, then, why didn't you explain that?
"Well, Kristi, although you were a very smart child, there is really no way to explain the Klan to a 9-year-old, no matter how smart she was."
My daddy was an Alabama State Trooper. Who worked the road in the 1960s and 1970s. He used to tell stories about things like going to the Ray Charles concert in Montgomery and having to keep the white people out, and being the lead car escorting a Black funeral procession out of Alabama and into Mississippi, and everybody driving faster and faster and faster because they all thought they were being chased.
They weren't.
I'm pretty sure that at some point in my life I sunk to the level of making racist jokes, just to fit in. Especially when I lived in Selma, Alabama. Kills me to admit that, especially given how I was an instructor in the-then Minority Journalism Program at The University of Alabama in the late 1990s when I worked there and volunteered to do such. Hypocrite, much?
I read this book not because I needed a "Black Friend," but because I wanted to get a perspective on things from someone younger than me and not of the same gender. I wanted to be challenged, to understand what (if any) inner "Karen" I might have going on. I mean, y'all? I ain't stupid. I get systemic and internalized racism. Guilty, guilty, guilty. (We'll talk internalized misogynism later on in the day.....)
So.
Well.
I don't think I would like to be friend-friends with Ben Phillipe. He's got that whole, "If they'll cheat with you, they'll cheat on you," vibe going on. He's so much younger than me, and so much geekier than me (and that's saying something!), that I just can't imagine us hanging out.
I _do_ think I would've enjoyed his writing more if I'd read it once a month in The New Yorker or whatever. It was just too much all at once.
My Take: He's smart, he's funny, he's bitchy, and he's conflicted about his sexuality, whether he's ready to come to grips with it or not not.
Bottom Line: Pages 241-297 matter. More than you might ever imagine.
June 23, 2021
Something of a cross between a collection of essays and a memoir. I already love both of Philippe's YA novels, so I was predisposed to love this, and it was great. I also love how much of his life you can see in the stories he writes - the places he's lived, the jobs he's had, the relationships that have exploded.
I especially love when someone from my cohort writes a book with specific pop culture references that speak to my soul. Philippe got his start writing Xander/Angel/Buffy fanfic - I died listening to that. He references Gossip Girl approximately 1 million times, and The Social Network at least 5, including an "Eduardo Saverin style breakdown" during the breakup of him and his roommate "Mark." (And how often do you see male writers talking about the emotional upheaval of friendship?!)
Two of my favorite turns of phrase: "a Daisy Buchanan level of carelessness" and "the tragic Marissa Cooper, played by the even more tragic Mischa Barton." *chef's kiss*
There is an entire section in which he describes how he lost a significant amount of weight, and the reactions he got when he returned to school, that really rubbed me the wrong way.... and then he explicitly acknowledged how that section would sound to readers, and how the 2000's were a different time, and turns it on its head in such a fascinating way. It reminded me of Bo Burnham's Inside and how he both acknowledges the problematic work he has done and apologizes for it, while also realizing it's still there anyway. Then Philippe rewrote that section using 2020 terminology and it really shows you how the culture hasn't changed, we just use different words to make it sound better.
There is also so much anger in his writing about #BlackLivesMatter, which I can't do justice. Overall it just gave me so much to think about, and I really enjoyed the ride. I was already shouting his praises all over the place, but now I will even more.
I especially love when someone from my cohort writes a book with specific pop culture references that speak to my soul. Philippe got his start writing Xander/Angel/Buffy fanfic - I died listening to that. He references Gossip Girl approximately 1 million times, and The Social Network at least 5, including an "Eduardo Saverin style breakdown" during the breakup of him and his roommate "Mark." (And how often do you see male writers talking about the emotional upheaval of friendship?!)
Two of my favorite turns of phrase: "a Daisy Buchanan level of carelessness" and "the tragic Marissa Cooper, played by the even more tragic Mischa Barton." *chef's kiss*
There is an entire section in which he describes how he lost a significant amount of weight, and the reactions he got when he returned to school, that really rubbed me the wrong way.... and then he explicitly acknowledged how that section would sound to readers, and how the 2000's were a different time, and turns it on its head in such a fascinating way. It reminded me of Bo Burnham's Inside and how he both acknowledges the problematic work he has done and apologizes for it, while also realizing it's still there anyway. Then Philippe rewrote that section using 2020 terminology and it really shows you how the culture hasn't changed, we just use different words to make it sound better.
There is also so much anger in his writing about #BlackLivesMatter, which I can't do justice. Overall it just gave me so much to think about, and I really enjoyed the ride. I was already shouting his praises all over the place, but now I will even more.
April 7, 2021
Thank you, Harper Collins Canada, for sending me an advance copy of this incredible book. "Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend" is my first book by Ben Phillippe, and now I am a fan of his writing and him as a person.
Ben penned his journey as a child immigrant from Haiti to Montreal and then to the United States Of America as a teenager. He chronicled his life as an adult juxtaposing the administrations of both Obama and Trump. Ben's wit, humour and sarcasm is so impressive while highlighting the issues predominant in white societies. An informational memoir, very interestingly written to know what you must and must not do around your black friends.
It is an incredible book covering both light and heavy topics to become a better friend and a better anti-racist human. I thoroughly enjoyed Ben's storytelling and how chapters are constructed highlighting his anecdotes and the informational context around those events.
A must-read book if you are looking to add an anti-racist reading to your collection. If you are a non-black reader, I insist you must read this one and can thank me later.
Ben penned his journey as a child immigrant from Haiti to Montreal and then to the United States Of America as a teenager. He chronicled his life as an adult juxtaposing the administrations of both Obama and Trump. Ben's wit, humour and sarcasm is so impressive while highlighting the issues predominant in white societies. An informational memoir, very interestingly written to know what you must and must not do around your black friends.
It is an incredible book covering both light and heavy topics to become a better friend and a better anti-racist human. I thoroughly enjoyed Ben's storytelling and how chapters are constructed highlighting his anecdotes and the informational context around those events.
A must-read book if you are looking to add an anti-racist reading to your collection. If you are a non-black reader, I insist you must read this one and can thank me later.
April 26, 2021
I actually do feel like Ben is my friend now, so there’s that. You can’t learn so much about someone and be let into their lives and not feel like you know them.
I needed this book. I’m learning, growing and listening. You don’t know what you don’t know, and I need someone to tell me all the things I don’t see. I need to see it through their eyes so I can feel it.
While reading this book, I laughed, I cried and I got angry, in that order. The way Ben wrote this book left the reader no choice than to connect with him. He let us into his life and told us his stories and touched us with his humanity. There are things we all go through, no matter what race; love, loss and abandonment.
This book won’t be for everyone, and that’s fine, but I will urge you to read it anyway because you won’t learn until you open yourself up to it.
Thank you to Netgalley, HarperCollins and and Ben for an early copy of this book.
I needed this book. I’m learning, growing and listening. You don’t know what you don’t know, and I need someone to tell me all the things I don’t see. I need to see it through their eyes so I can feel it.
While reading this book, I laughed, I cried and I got angry, in that order. The way Ben wrote this book left the reader no choice than to connect with him. He let us into his life and told us his stories and touched us with his humanity. There are things we all go through, no matter what race; love, loss and abandonment.
This book won’t be for everyone, and that’s fine, but I will urge you to read it anyway because you won’t learn until you open yourself up to it.
Thank you to Netgalley, HarperCollins and and Ben for an early copy of this book.
July 17, 2022
This was an insightful, honest, and cleverly funny book.
I loved how Phillippe used pop culture references as analogies; I only understood them because my son is about the same age and we watched those shows together when he was young. Naruto rules!!!!
Phillippe relates a multitude of racist microaggressions that shuld be surprising, but unfortunately are not anymore, and are we surprised? Unfortunately again, no.
But he is also genius at observing social interactions from his nerdy, introverted window on the world, although he often turns around to reveal his own insecurities while holed up with his TV, computer and gaming systems.
His memories about his mom are lovely and his dad are not, but Phillippe tries to be carefully objective about their relationship.
I enjoyed reading this book... which is saying ALOT these days about memoirs. I will check out his YA novels just out of curiosity too see how his past may be included therein.
I loved how Phillippe used pop culture references as analogies; I only understood them because my son is about the same age and we watched those shows together when he was young. Naruto rules!!!!
Phillippe relates a multitude of racist microaggressions that shuld be surprising, but unfortunately are not anymore, and are we surprised? Unfortunately again, no.
But he is also genius at observing social interactions from his nerdy, introverted window on the world, although he often turns around to reveal his own insecurities while holed up with his TV, computer and gaming systems.
His memories about his mom are lovely and his dad are not, but Phillippe tries to be carefully objective about their relationship.
I enjoyed reading this book... which is saying ALOT these days about memoirs. I will check out his YA novels just out of curiosity too see how his past may be included therein.
September 2, 2021
Picked this up at the airport and enjoyed reading it on my vacation. The writer has an infectious voice and I think it's a good example of memoir for anyone interested in writing in this genre. Loosely organized by theme and chronology, but it reads both like an autobiography and like a set of short essays. I picked it up expecting mostly humor, but for me at least it was more often sad and thought-provoking than funny. Philippe is likable even as he is performing unlikable; I get the feeling he would be a bit hard to take in real life (aren't we all?) but is compelling and a real find from the page. Now I'm curious about his YA fiction and hoping he gets a TV series eventually.
December 21, 2020
This book is really funny, filled with Philippe's ascerbic wit and many laugh-out-loud moments. But it's also extremely powerful. Philippe is raw and vulnerable about the family life he had growing up, first in Haiti and then in Canada, where he was one of the few Black people in his school. He also details his move to the US alongside other anecdotes, and he reflects on how his Blackness and identity have changed through these life changes. I appreciated the candid storytelling, the power of Philippe's feelings, and the perspective on being Black in America.
April 27, 2021
"When this race war hits its crescendo. I'll gather you all into a beautifully decorated room under the pretense of unity. I'll give a speech to civility and all the good times we share; I'll smile as we raise glasses to your good, white health, while the detonator blinks under the table, knowing the exits are locked and the air vents filled with gas."
This is racist hate speech and incitement to violence.
This is racist hate speech and incitement to violence.
March 29, 2021
Hi, Ben! I hope you're well. You seem like the kind of person who reads your book reviews (which I think because I posted I was reading your book on the 'gram and you responded in like two seconds. But I fangirled over that, so no worries). You already know this (ahem, Wunderkind!), but your writing style is fantastic and as soon as I started reading "Sure, I'll Be Your Black Friend", I wanted other people to read it too. I'm into the stream of conscious narrative style vignettes you've composed, and I think that you've organized them almost like a television series that leads up to the part of the arc where you pretty much drop a bomb on your audience to shake things up and reveal the protagonist's purpose in a plot twist that would certainly trend on Twitter. Suddenly I'm on the edge of my seat . . . up all night . . . going back through the stories, trying to piece it all together. I might have needed a pop culture course to keep up with your references, but I think I did all right for a sort of middle-aged white woman from the NYC burbs. So, now that you know that about me, I have to say your possible revenge sequence is nothing I'd ever imagined happening in the world. And I think you're wrong about your anger ... it is a gift (RATM is my favorite band - I'm that kind of white person. Judge accordingly.). If you stop being angry then it all just stays the same. This is why I think this book is Season 1. Even if the next season isn't greenlighted until a different stage of your life, your unique perspective on race as a Canadian import to the United States by way of Haiti offers a facet of perspective that I have not yet encountered. And I want more of it. So, Cheers! And I'm around if you ever need someone to pay for your brunch.
May 5, 2021
The author is nobody’s friend.
No doubt all the 1-star reviews are from racists who never read the book. For me it gets two stars because about 16% would make a decent essay.
Note: I read this book. Really. It was a long, tedious journey but felt I should read it all to provide an honest review. The author dashed my hopes of learning something new or even relearning something useful about race relations. In a 15-minute conversation with an actual real-life Black friend I learned more about the Black American experience than in all 320 pages of this book.
It reads like it was written by a teenage girl, an early teenage girl, who might have interviewed two young Black men. At most. The book is full of references that might be familiar to people, primarily girls, younger than the author. I recognized fewer than 10% of the author’s allusions. The most common was to the Gilmore Girls, a TV show no one anywhere near my age bracket (over 35) has ever considered viewing.
Most important: This is not a book about being a friend. It’s not about race relations. It’s supposed to be a sort-of flattering autobiography of a narcissistic young Black academic male. But really, it was probably written by an early teen girl. The book editors should be punished for allowing so much repetition and tedious nonsense.
Addendum: If a guy named Ben really did write this book I’m sorry you had such a lousy father. But there’s no reason you should try to inflict that pain on your readers.
No doubt all the 1-star reviews are from racists who never read the book. For me it gets two stars because about 16% would make a decent essay.
Note: I read this book. Really. It was a long, tedious journey but felt I should read it all to provide an honest review. The author dashed my hopes of learning something new or even relearning something useful about race relations. In a 15-minute conversation with an actual real-life Black friend I learned more about the Black American experience than in all 320 pages of this book.
It reads like it was written by a teenage girl, an early teenage girl, who might have interviewed two young Black men. At most. The book is full of references that might be familiar to people, primarily girls, younger than the author. I recognized fewer than 10% of the author’s allusions. The most common was to the Gilmore Girls, a TV show no one anywhere near my age bracket (over 35) has ever considered viewing.
Most important: This is not a book about being a friend. It’s not about race relations. It’s supposed to be a sort-of flattering autobiography of a narcissistic young Black academic male. But really, it was probably written by an early teen girl. The book editors should be punished for allowing so much repetition and tedious nonsense.
Addendum: If a guy named Ben really did write this book I’m sorry you had such a lousy father. But there’s no reason you should try to inflict that pain on your readers.
June 6, 2021
I’ve been curious about Ben Philippe for awhile, because he clearly puts a lot of himself in his novels, but how much? This memoir explains a lot. He has a really particular perspective, as a Haitian Canadian living in the United States, and I appreciated all the nuance he brought to expressing the many contradictions he embodies. This book is also really funny - how he describes white guys naming Wu Tang Clan members is particularly hilarious. Young male hetero sexuality is tough to read about, so those parts of the book were not my favorite, but he seems self aware about it. Also, as a psychotherapist, it was painful to read him describe the experience of depression and the impacts of trauma without ever treating it. But that’s his journey, and no one gets to tell him how to walk it.
Overall, this memoir was great, and since he’s only 31, it leaves me ready for a lot more from him.
Overall, this memoir was great, and since he’s only 31, it leaves me ready for a lot more from him.
Read
August 18, 20212020 was the summer of protests, which was followed by a rash of books white people could read to educate themselves, and learn how to be “anti-racist.” This is not really one of those books. Ben Phillipe writes about racism, but he mostly writes about Ben Phillipe. He says that what you will learn by reading this book is what you might learn about him if you were friends, and you went out for a dozen beers together, and rode a dozen subway trains together.
The racism part you would learn is that Ben is no threat to anyone. He’s kind of fat, he’s a nerd, he’s a coward, he’s polite and he smiles (he taught himself to smile, so his resting Black face wouldn’t be seen as mean). But living in the United States, he is aware that he could become the next police brutality statistic, and he is afraid, and being afraid makes him angry.
He writes, “Make no mistake, white friends: I truly am afraid all the time.” He writes, “I, Ben, do not want to die in this country. I don’t consent to the cost of admission into this country being my potential lynching if I have a bad day or displease you. […] I want to be safe here, and I want to be safe now.”
Most of the book aims at a lighter tone. Phillipe can be very clever and very funny, although the humor is sometimes described as “cutting” or “biting.” His opening sentence is both clever and funny: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a good white person of liberal leanings must be in want of a Black friend.”
This book jumps all over in time and location, from the biographical to the philosophical, to book recommendations, to explanations of Black-related things (like what does “ashy” mean). It’s kind of a mess. But the meat of the book is Phillipe’s memories of his own life.
He was born in Haiti, where his family had a big house with two gardens and two maids. When he was a child, his father moved the family to Canada, where they lived in a cramped apartment, and his mother had no job and no friends (she had been a nurse in Haiti). Phillipe grew up speaking Haitian creole and French. English is his third language, and he now writes books in it, so you know he must be smart.
He is smart. He won a scholarship to Columbia University in New York, and he went. He then spent a few years in Texas getting a graduate writing degree, and came back to Columbia as a professor. It sounds seamless, and it sounds easy, but along the way, with friends and lovers he was not always so smart.
There are stories in this book that do not really reflect well on Ben Phillipe. There are times, reading it, that you might want to say to the author, sure, you may smile and act polite, but are you really a nice person? Do I really want to be your friend? Phillipe admits as such, that he can be a bit of an asshole, although he tries to be civil. When he described some of his revenge fantasies I asked myself, is Phillipe really a horrible person, or is he just more brutally honest than most? That question probably does not have a simple answer, but he definitely is more honest than most.
At the end, people have asked him, if you have a problem with living as a Black person in America, why don’t you just leave? Go back to Haiti, or back to Canada. He says no. He loves his neat New York apartment, and his cute dog. This is his home now
The racism part you would learn is that Ben is no threat to anyone. He’s kind of fat, he’s a nerd, he’s a coward, he’s polite and he smiles (he taught himself to smile, so his resting Black face wouldn’t be seen as mean). But living in the United States, he is aware that he could become the next police brutality statistic, and he is afraid, and being afraid makes him angry.
He writes, “Make no mistake, white friends: I truly am afraid all the time.” He writes, “I, Ben, do not want to die in this country. I don’t consent to the cost of admission into this country being my potential lynching if I have a bad day or displease you. […] I want to be safe here, and I want to be safe now.”
Most of the book aims at a lighter tone. Phillipe can be very clever and very funny, although the humor is sometimes described as “cutting” or “biting.” His opening sentence is both clever and funny: “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a good white person of liberal leanings must be in want of a Black friend.”
This book jumps all over in time and location, from the biographical to the philosophical, to book recommendations, to explanations of Black-related things (like what does “ashy” mean). It’s kind of a mess. But the meat of the book is Phillipe’s memories of his own life.
He was born in Haiti, where his family had a big house with two gardens and two maids. When he was a child, his father moved the family to Canada, where they lived in a cramped apartment, and his mother had no job and no friends (she had been a nurse in Haiti). Phillipe grew up speaking Haitian creole and French. English is his third language, and he now writes books in it, so you know he must be smart.
He is smart. He won a scholarship to Columbia University in New York, and he went. He then spent a few years in Texas getting a graduate writing degree, and came back to Columbia as a professor. It sounds seamless, and it sounds easy, but along the way, with friends and lovers he was not always so smart.
There are stories in this book that do not really reflect well on Ben Phillipe. There are times, reading it, that you might want to say to the author, sure, you may smile and act polite, but are you really a nice person? Do I really want to be your friend? Phillipe admits as such, that he can be a bit of an asshole, although he tries to be civil. When he described some of his revenge fantasies I asked myself, is Phillipe really a horrible person, or is he just more brutally honest than most? That question probably does not have a simple answer, but he definitely is more honest than most.
At the end, people have asked him, if you have a problem with living as a Black person in America, why don’t you just leave? Go back to Haiti, or back to Canada. He says no. He loves his neat New York apartment, and his cute dog. This is his home now
June 16, 2024
ReedIII Quick Review: Insightful information told in an interesting, entertaining style from one man's point of view. Biographic independent conversational essays. Social satire, humorous and evocative. Lots of TV and movie references.
May 12, 2021
An extremely virulent anti-white book that goes as far as to elaborate on the author's fantasies about killing white people. Any white person that praises this book needs to learn to take their own side, otherwise they'll find themselves wound up in Phillipe's "beautifully decorated room... while the detonator blinks under the table... the air vents filled with gas".
For the author to relentlessly complain about largely innocuous "microaggressions" throughout whilst he relishes his genocidal fantasies should tell you everything you need to know about the narcissistic and chauvinist tendencies of Phillipe, and who the acceptable targets of race hate are in our society. There are books that get banned or deplatformed for much less, for any degree of perceived negative sentiment towards groups like Jews; LGBT; or POC, yet this poisonous volume retains in the good graces of the system.
Phillipe describes the attitudes and behaviours of his white acquaintances and their failures to satisfactorily provide him with comfort. Most of these experiences ultimately derive from the tribulations of white people trying to juggle the sensitivities and boundaries of someone whose perspective on life is entirely racialised. Phillipe assumes that his perception of these behaviours represents the power his white acquaintances enjoy relative to himself, but in fact they signify the superior status of Phillipe's black fragility to the racial identities of his white friends - his racial identity deserves utmost reverence, theirs are worthy of contempt, or so it is portrayed.
For the author to relentlessly complain about largely innocuous "microaggressions" throughout whilst he relishes his genocidal fantasies should tell you everything you need to know about the narcissistic and chauvinist tendencies of Phillipe, and who the acceptable targets of race hate are in our society. There are books that get banned or deplatformed for much less, for any degree of perceived negative sentiment towards groups like Jews; LGBT; or POC, yet this poisonous volume retains in the good graces of the system.
Phillipe describes the attitudes and behaviours of his white acquaintances and their failures to satisfactorily provide him with comfort. Most of these experiences ultimately derive from the tribulations of white people trying to juggle the sensitivities and boundaries of someone whose perspective on life is entirely racialised. Phillipe assumes that his perception of these behaviours represents the power his white acquaintances enjoy relative to himself, but in fact they signify the superior status of Phillipe's black fragility to the racial identities of his white friends - his racial identity deserves utmost reverence, theirs are worthy of contempt, or so it is portrayed.
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