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Didn't See That Coming: Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart
Fear. Grief. Loss. Betrayal. Rachel Hollis has felt all those things, and she knows you have too. Now, she takes you to the other side.
With her signature humor, heartfelt honesty, and intimate true-life stories, #1 New York Times bestselling author Rachel Hollis shows readers how to seize difficult moments for the learning experiences they are and the value and growth they provide.
Rachel Hollis sees you. As the millions who read her #1 New York Times bestsellers Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing, attend her RISE conferences and follow her on social media know, she also wants to see you transform.
When it comes to the “hard seasons” of life—the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job—transformation seems impossible when grief and uncertainty dominate your days. Especially when, as Didn’t See that Coming reveals, no one asks to have their future completely rearranged for them. But, as Rachel writes, it is up to you how you come through your pain—you can come through changed for the better, having learned and grown, or stuck in place where your identity becomes rooted in what hurt you.
To Rachel, a life well-lived is one of purpose, focused only on the essentials. This is a small book about big feelings: inspirational, aspirational, and an anchor that shows that darkness can co-exist with the beautiful.
With her signature humor, heartfelt honesty, and intimate true-life stories, #1 New York Times bestselling author Rachel Hollis shows readers how to seize difficult moments for the learning experiences they are and the value and growth they provide.
Rachel Hollis sees you. As the millions who read her #1 New York Times bestsellers Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing, attend her RISE conferences and follow her on social media know, she also wants to see you transform.
When it comes to the “hard seasons” of life—the death of a loved one, divorce, loss of a job—transformation seems impossible when grief and uncertainty dominate your days. Especially when, as Didn’t See that Coming reveals, no one asks to have their future completely rearranged for them. But, as Rachel writes, it is up to you how you come through your pain—you can come through changed for the better, having learned and grown, or stuck in place where your identity becomes rooted in what hurt you.
To Rachel, a life well-lived is one of purpose, focused only on the essentials. This is a small book about big feelings: inspirational, aspirational, and an anchor that shows that darkness can co-exist with the beautiful.
227 pages, Kindle Edition
First published September 29, 2020
1519 people are currently reading
18935 people want to read
About the author
Rachel Hollis
27 books32.3k followersRachel laid the foundation for her lifestyle brand and media company with the same unfiltered honesty and staunch inclusivity that made her a two-time #1 New York Times bestselling author. Hollis connects with a highly engaged and growing global audience of women who treasure her transparency and optimism. She is one of the most sought-after motivational speakers, plays host to one of today’s top business podcasts and is a proud mama of four who uses her platform to empower and embolden women around the world. Rachel calls Texas home; more specifically the Hill Country just outside of Austin.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 1,537 reviews
October 11, 2020
Hollis’ continued ”pick yourself up by your bootstraps” mentality is over. This is not a healthy way to process trauma. The implications are the messages of ”Why don't you just move on? Don't you have enough strength to make your own happiness and choose joy?” That is sinister. People are dealing with deadly pandemics, systemic racism, police brutality, and Rachel Hollis is proclaiming herself the best person to walk us through 2020 with her new book?
White lady saviour complex indeed.
Honestly, we all need trauma counselling after this year, and Rachel Hollis is a fraud who will post on Instagram about making out with her husband to convince you to pay $800 for her marriage course and then announce her divorce two weeks later. Consult a real expert and stop getting empty advice like ”choose joy every day” from a lifestyle blogger.
Sometimes I choose to cry in bed and watching sad movies because life is hard. Other times I choose listlessness while I share my struggles in therapy. I can't always choose joy, and Rachel Hollis doesn't either.
White lady saviour complex indeed.
Honestly, we all need trauma counselling after this year, and Rachel Hollis is a fraud who will post on Instagram about making out with her husband to convince you to pay $800 for her marriage course and then announce her divorce two weeks later. Consult a real expert and stop getting empty advice like ”choose joy every day” from a lifestyle blogger.
Sometimes I choose to cry in bed and watching sad movies because life is hard. Other times I choose listlessness while I share my struggles in therapy. I can't always choose joy, and Rachel Hollis doesn't either.
April 4, 2021
My review of this book has nothing to do with the author's personal life and everything to do with the book itself. I am aware of the recent controversy and this is about the book only.
That out of the way, I found this book to be a combination of a re-hashing of both information and stories from previous books and very surface-y advice on how to overcome adversity. If you have never read a book by the author, this might provide a slight amount of helpful information, but otherwise there's a bunch of common sense advice about letting go of guilt, trying other perspectives, getting real about finances, and re-imagining your future. For example from the finance chapter, her "Things That Helped Me" are: Finances Can Be Learned, Understand Your Financial Perspective, and Get Guidance. In the Letting Go of Guilt chapter, those things include: Pretend You're Counseling Someone Else, Remember You Can Have Bad Thoughts and Still Be a Good Person, and Remember That You Can Do Something Bad and Still Be a Good Person.
At the beginning she states that she always swore she would write from the scars and not from the wounds. I feel like, with the pandemic (much less her divorce situation,) we are still at the very wounded, bleeding stage and those are the least effective times to feel like you have anything valuable to contribute to the conversation. It is more of a time of listening and reflecting, not trying to guide others.
The one insightful section of this book talks about how she developed boundaries in her life as her platform exploded. She reflects on how unhealthy her choices and actions were at first, letting everyone in and trying to help and guide everyone. I appreciated her perspectives on this and I think all of us can use this advice in this tumultuous time with regards to social media and other interactions: that just because the engagement is there doesn't mean we have to participate and get ourselves emotionally distraught to the point of it harming our lives. This section of the book is why I gave it 2 stars rather than one, because I found this part to be meaningful and helpful.
Unfortunately for the rest of the book, it is very shallow and doesn't deal with deeper emotions regarding the types of life situations she references throughout. I realize that she had a book contract and there likely wasn't a way out of it, but this book feels like it was just written quickly and too soon for any real reflection on the tough issues of unexpected grief and trauma. She talks about her brother's suicide, but this topic was thoroughly covered in her previous books. Like I said before, it would have been much more impactful if it wasn't a story we had heard multiple times before.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
That out of the way, I found this book to be a combination of a re-hashing of both information and stories from previous books and very surface-y advice on how to overcome adversity. If you have never read a book by the author, this might provide a slight amount of helpful information, but otherwise there's a bunch of common sense advice about letting go of guilt, trying other perspectives, getting real about finances, and re-imagining your future. For example from the finance chapter, her "Things That Helped Me" are: Finances Can Be Learned, Understand Your Financial Perspective, and Get Guidance. In the Letting Go of Guilt chapter, those things include: Pretend You're Counseling Someone Else, Remember You Can Have Bad Thoughts and Still Be a Good Person, and Remember That You Can Do Something Bad and Still Be a Good Person.
At the beginning she states that she always swore she would write from the scars and not from the wounds. I feel like, with the pandemic (much less her divorce situation,) we are still at the very wounded, bleeding stage and those are the least effective times to feel like you have anything valuable to contribute to the conversation. It is more of a time of listening and reflecting, not trying to guide others.
The one insightful section of this book talks about how she developed boundaries in her life as her platform exploded. She reflects on how unhealthy her choices and actions were at first, letting everyone in and trying to help and guide everyone. I appreciated her perspectives on this and I think all of us can use this advice in this tumultuous time with regards to social media and other interactions: that just because the engagement is there doesn't mean we have to participate and get ourselves emotionally distraught to the point of it harming our lives. This section of the book is why I gave it 2 stars rather than one, because I found this part to be meaningful and helpful.
Unfortunately for the rest of the book, it is very shallow and doesn't deal with deeper emotions regarding the types of life situations she references throughout. I realize that she had a book contract and there likely wasn't a way out of it, but this book feels like it was just written quickly and too soon for any real reflection on the tough issues of unexpected grief and trauma. She talks about her brother's suicide, but this topic was thoroughly covered in her previous books. Like I said before, it would have been much more impactful if it wasn't a story we had heard multiple times before.
I voluntarily reviewed a complimentary copy of this book, all opinions are my own.
October 24, 2020
I had to stop listening to this book in the chapter that told parents how do handle the loss of a child.
My four month old baby passed away and I had a 3 year old and 6 year old and a husband I felt like I needed to stay strong for. I was the person Rachel says to be. I showed up for my family. I was strong. And it was absolutely not the right thing to do.
Maybe one day my children will write a book and say what she is saying and I will take back this review. But I have seen my kids become compassionate, aware human beings. They know I love them. They know people have breakdowns. They know they are safe in our home to express themselves and their grief. They don’t see a mom and dad who always have it together. They see people who are struggling and battling for love.
I get it, don’t let grief shut you down and steal your life. But don’t let it steal your authenticity with your family.
My four month old baby passed away and I had a 3 year old and 6 year old and a husband I felt like I needed to stay strong for. I was the person Rachel says to be. I showed up for my family. I was strong. And it was absolutely not the right thing to do.
Maybe one day my children will write a book and say what she is saying and I will take back this review. But I have seen my kids become compassionate, aware human beings. They know I love them. They know people have breakdowns. They know they are safe in our home to express themselves and their grief. They don’t see a mom and dad who always have it together. They see people who are struggling and battling for love.
I get it, don’t let grief shut you down and steal your life. But don’t let it steal your authenticity with your family.
September 30, 2020
This is garbage. This is a woman who met and married a millionaire at age 19. She has several nannies and housecleaners on staff. She is sitting in such a place of privilege that it is disgusting and disingenuous to paint this fake narrative around her "grief". She is a LIAR! It is a bunch of recycled and/or plagiarized content from her old books and from OTHERS content. She couldn't site a source to save her life. Aside from all of this....It's just a poorly written book. It is bad. Very Bad. Please seek out a professional to guide you through grief and purchase books from real experts on the subject to help navigate you.
Rachel Hollis is not a "sherpa".
Rachel Hollis is a FRAUD!
Rachel Hollis is not a "sherpa".
Rachel Hollis is a FRAUD!
October 23, 2020
“In the introduction, author Rachele Hollis says:
“I considered pushing this book away or scrapping it all together. I didn’t think I was ready—I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready. I questioned whether I could teach and learn at the same time— because this lesson, this work, feels like the hardest I’ve ever done”.
She goes on to say....
“There’s and old expression that says we should teach or write or share only from our ‘scars’, never from our wounds, and I have lived by it. Meaning, I have been intentional about never processing the hard parts of my life ‘with you’ but instead have only ever shared what has been effective for me ‘after’ I’ve done the work”.
I received this small hardcopy in the mail as a gift. (happy heart warming surprise with other books)
I had zero knowledge about the author.
I had zero knowledge of what this little book would be.
But....
Rachel Hollis is a two-time #1
New York Times bestselling author. I’m guessing it was me living under a rock.
“She is one of the most sought after motivational speakers”. But I didn’t know who she was at all.
Anyway... I had the book - couldn’t sleep - so read it in the middle of the night. ( skimmed parts... read a little in every sectional topics though)
Hollis shared her opinion about identity. In her opinion there are four different kinds of identity crisis as it pertains to loss/pain/grief:
—You had an identity and it was taken away from you.
—You want an identity that is denied to you.
—You chose an identity and no longer want it.
—Someone else chose an Identity for you that isn’t who they are.
Personally -I don’t think of identity in these terms...but that’s okay.
Right away ...I was pretty sure this book wasn’t for me.... but I kept reading ...
Then skimmed it...
The examined topics include:
...Identity the New You
...Stop Questioning Your Suffering
...Let Go of Guilt
....
There is more...
Try on another perspective, change your mind about getting better, hack your courage, show up, get real about your finances, be surprised by resilience, cling to your good habits, or make some new ones, choose joy even when life sucks, reimagine your future, and hold on to hope.
For me — this book didn’t work as ‘both’ being a ‘teaching’ book... and a ‘self-processing’ book at the same time.
I learned a few things about the author....
....things that she has been working on in therapy for 23 years.
This book included:
Personal stories, personal opinions, and personal advice. (loss, grief, finances, ways to not “nibble”, at problems, etc.)
Sweet gift ... the author sounds authentic - in heart-
But .. .I’m not the right audience.
I’ll pass this book on to someone who wants it.
Not sure how to rate it...
About 2 to 2.5 stars.
“I considered pushing this book away or scrapping it all together. I didn’t think I was ready—I wasn’t sure I’d ever be ready. I questioned whether I could teach and learn at the same time— because this lesson, this work, feels like the hardest I’ve ever done”.
She goes on to say....
“There’s and old expression that says we should teach or write or share only from our ‘scars’, never from our wounds, and I have lived by it. Meaning, I have been intentional about never processing the hard parts of my life ‘with you’ but instead have only ever shared what has been effective for me ‘after’ I’ve done the work”.
I received this small hardcopy in the mail as a gift. (happy heart warming surprise with other books)
I had zero knowledge about the author.
I had zero knowledge of what this little book would be.
But....
Rachel Hollis is a two-time #1
New York Times bestselling author. I’m guessing it was me living under a rock.
“She is one of the most sought after motivational speakers”. But I didn’t know who she was at all.
Anyway... I had the book - couldn’t sleep - so read it in the middle of the night. ( skimmed parts... read a little in every sectional topics though)
Hollis shared her opinion about identity. In her opinion there are four different kinds of identity crisis as it pertains to loss/pain/grief:
—You had an identity and it was taken away from you.
—You want an identity that is denied to you.
—You chose an identity and no longer want it.
—Someone else chose an Identity for you that isn’t who they are.
Personally -I don’t think of identity in these terms...but that’s okay.
Right away ...I was pretty sure this book wasn’t for me.... but I kept reading ...
Then skimmed it...
The examined topics include:
...Identity the New You
...Stop Questioning Your Suffering
...Let Go of Guilt
....
There is more...
Try on another perspective, change your mind about getting better, hack your courage, show up, get real about your finances, be surprised by resilience, cling to your good habits, or make some new ones, choose joy even when life sucks, reimagine your future, and hold on to hope.
For me — this book didn’t work as ‘both’ being a ‘teaching’ book... and a ‘self-processing’ book at the same time.
I learned a few things about the author....
....things that she has been working on in therapy for 23 years.
This book included:
Personal stories, personal opinions, and personal advice. (loss, grief, finances, ways to not “nibble”, at problems, etc.)
Sweet gift ... the author sounds authentic - in heart-
But .. .I’m not the right audience.
I’ll pass this book on to someone who wants it.
Not sure how to rate it...
About 2 to 2.5 stars.
September 17, 2020
Having given up on Girl, Wash Your Face 1/4 of the way through, I went into this book (provided to me by NetGalley in advance for my honest review) trying to keep an open mind.
But I couldn’t even make it through the introduction without rolling my eyes at the things Hollis writes, often referring to her readers as “girls” and trying to be witty by asking the Dalai Lama (If he’s reading) to give her a 5 star review.
Though most readers will believe they’re getting an inside look on Hollis’ divorce - spoiler - you’re not. Most of her references are focused on getting through difficult times, struggles in your life and financial hardships. She circles back to her brothers suicide a lot as a point of reference.
I found this book to be a lot of lite advice on moving on (in any way/shape/form) from various instances in your life. Nothing groundbreaking and nothing you couldn’t find yourself by simply doing a bit of Googling.
But I couldn’t even make it through the introduction without rolling my eyes at the things Hollis writes, often referring to her readers as “girls” and trying to be witty by asking the Dalai Lama (If he’s reading) to give her a 5 star review.
Though most readers will believe they’re getting an inside look on Hollis’ divorce - spoiler - you’re not. Most of her references are focused on getting through difficult times, struggles in your life and financial hardships. She circles back to her brothers suicide a lot as a point of reference.
I found this book to be a lot of lite advice on moving on (in any way/shape/form) from various instances in your life. Nothing groundbreaking and nothing you couldn’t find yourself by simply doing a bit of Googling.
September 10, 2020
This book was published a few months after announcing the divorce. She is profiting on her fake life. I wonder why people would give her their money. Rise up people and raise your standards.
October 16, 2020
Out of touch and tone-deaf.
Her Girl Wash Your Face book really helped in a time of lacking vulnerability from women. I have since come to see that a good majority of her "influence" is false and misleading. Also that she is NOT a qualified person to give trauma advice for many instances. If "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" or "move on" and "choose joy" worked for a sexual assault survivor like myself then I wouldn't have to spend the piles of money on meds and therapy.
This book is riddled with toxic positivity. As humans we are built to feel and fully understand the entire range of emotions. Yes, don't get stuck in one, but it is ok to have a traumatic event leave an imprint on your life. It is also to be said, our own life experiences are NOT a qualified "fix" for the masses.
Also, in a time of systematic injustices, "choosing to be happy" is NOT an option if you want to change the Nation/World. As a white woman I've taken this time to check my privilege, where as with Rachel and more specifically this book, it seems as though she's missing the point of the very hard time we are in right now.
She built a large portion of her business on her marriage/couples advice. Only to find out that the Hollis duo was crumbling behind the scenes. The hypocrisy of that is undeniable.
During the past year, I've taken a deeper look at Rachel's "advice" and a lot needed to be discarded. I truly feel that she is NOT OPEN to criticism. Yes, there are the haters but even well thought out criticism she ignores or out right speaks down on them. Maybe a memoir would be better but I do feel like her past two books are another regurgitation of her first book. I haven't seen any true GROWTH from her. In fact, I've seen the veil fall and the true interior be exposed. The interior needs some work.
Her Girl Wash Your Face book really helped in a time of lacking vulnerability from women. I have since come to see that a good majority of her "influence" is false and misleading. Also that she is NOT a qualified person to give trauma advice for many instances. If "pick yourself up by your bootstraps" or "move on" and "choose joy" worked for a sexual assault survivor like myself then I wouldn't have to spend the piles of money on meds and therapy.
This book is riddled with toxic positivity. As humans we are built to feel and fully understand the entire range of emotions. Yes, don't get stuck in one, but it is ok to have a traumatic event leave an imprint on your life. It is also to be said, our own life experiences are NOT a qualified "fix" for the masses.
Also, in a time of systematic injustices, "choosing to be happy" is NOT an option if you want to change the Nation/World. As a white woman I've taken this time to check my privilege, where as with Rachel and more specifically this book, it seems as though she's missing the point of the very hard time we are in right now.
She built a large portion of her business on her marriage/couples advice. Only to find out that the Hollis duo was crumbling behind the scenes. The hypocrisy of that is undeniable.
During the past year, I've taken a deeper look at Rachel's "advice" and a lot needed to be discarded. I truly feel that she is NOT OPEN to criticism. Yes, there are the haters but even well thought out criticism she ignores or out right speaks down on them. Maybe a memoir would be better but I do feel like her past two books are another regurgitation of her first book. I haven't seen any true GROWTH from her. In fact, I've seen the veil fall and the true interior be exposed. The interior needs some work.
December 23, 2020
I enjoyed Didn’t See That Coming like all of Rachel’s other books. Hollis uses real world examples from her life and personal stories others have told her to help the reader. Didn’t See That Coming has a lot of useful advice for dealing with grief, loss and uncertainty. This book was the first time I heard Rachel talk about the downside of her fame and the anxiety she experiences when strangers ask for personal advice while she is with her family. I loved the style and honesty in Didn’t See That Coming. Rachel mentions her divorce at the beginning, but the whole book wasn’t talking about her divorce. I think the book might’ve been better if it was written longer after the divorce because some parts seemed bitter. Overall I still enjoyed the book. Rachel’s brother died by suicide while she was a teenager. Hearing more about her story and how it affected her life was heartbreaking and very interesting.
I recommend Didn’t See That Coming to Rachel Hollis fans and anyone struggling with grief that is looking for advice with personal examples.
Thank you Dey Street Books, Harper Collins and Edelweiss for Didn’t See That Coming.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
I recommend Didn’t See That Coming to Rachel Hollis fans and anyone struggling with grief that is looking for advice with personal examples.
Thank you Dey Street Books, Harper Collins and Edelweiss for Didn’t See That Coming.
Full Review: https://justreadingjess.wordpress.com...
January 13, 2021
2.5 stars
This wasn't terrible... but it also wasn't for me. I don't think I'm the intended audience because I didn't get anything out of this one like I did Rachel's first two books. I'm glad I got this one from the library and didn't purchase it myself.
This wasn't terrible... but it also wasn't for me. I don't think I'm the intended audience because I didn't get anything out of this one like I did Rachel's first two books. I'm glad I got this one from the library and didn't purchase it myself.
Audio book source: Libby (library borrow)
Story Rating: 2.5 stars
Narrator: Rachel Hollis
Narration Rating: 4 stars
Genre: Non-ficiton
Length: 4 hours and 58 minutes
September 29, 2024
I want to preface this by saying 1) I am a huge fan of RH’s last 2 books. I recommended them to everyone & bought copies for countless friends. I’ve listened to every single podcast & was a devout listener of the morning show. Basically I’m a fan! 2)While I was sad to hear about the Hollis’ divorce- I was sad for pain their family was going through & have zero judgement. I have a lot of respect for them making such a hard decision for their family esp in the public eye. 3) I bought this book & am writing this review on my vs being tasked to do so & 4) I can handle tough love, accountability & vulnerability. In fact I seek it out & appreciate leaders with those values .
However with all that being said - It took everything in me to complete this book. Easy, quick read? Absolutely! But RH is processing some really heavy things & it made for a messy book full of what felt like brutal projections, harsh judgements & scathing shaming. The book is filled with motivation/directions like (not a direct quote) “don’t you dare” scare or scar your children because your are sad, “dont you dare” let them see you struggle etc. It was painful & not in the tough love , productive kind of way - in the kind of way when someone is literally shaming you & telling you not to be dumb (almost a direct quote).
I know that RH is a say-it-like-it-is kind of girl & I love that. However, this book is coming from a very fresh, deep gaping wound that she is in the process of healing from & clearerly trying to process and grapple with & therefore projecting onto readers (other women who are inevitably healing from or in active crisis). I love & can appreciate RH’s go-get-em outlook & tough as nails spirit - it’s who she is, I believe they are her gifts & clearly products of hard things she’s gone through but these gifts and tools do not feel like they are shared from humility or love but rather from pain & guilt.
I’ve never written a review this critical but I cringe thinking of the incredible women in my life & many others reading or hearing this book filled with so much judgement. I do appreciate the attempt to be vulnerable in such a challenging time & I do think you have so much to offer us but I think you missed this one by a long shot. Sorry Rach, still rooting for you <3
However with all that being said - It took everything in me to complete this book. Easy, quick read? Absolutely! But RH is processing some really heavy things & it made for a messy book full of what felt like brutal projections, harsh judgements & scathing shaming. The book is filled with motivation/directions like (not a direct quote) “don’t you dare” scare or scar your children because your are sad, “dont you dare” let them see you struggle etc. It was painful & not in the tough love , productive kind of way - in the kind of way when someone is literally shaming you & telling you not to be dumb (almost a direct quote).
I know that RH is a say-it-like-it-is kind of girl & I love that. However, this book is coming from a very fresh, deep gaping wound that she is in the process of healing from & clearerly trying to process and grapple with & therefore projecting onto readers (other women who are inevitably healing from or in active crisis). I love & can appreciate RH’s go-get-em outlook & tough as nails spirit - it’s who she is, I believe they are her gifts & clearly products of hard things she’s gone through but these gifts and tools do not feel like they are shared from humility or love but rather from pain & guilt.
I’ve never written a review this critical but I cringe thinking of the incredible women in my life & many others reading or hearing this book filled with so much judgement. I do appreciate the attempt to be vulnerable in such a challenging time & I do think you have so much to offer us but I think you missed this one by a long shot. Sorry Rach, still rooting for you <3
June 13, 2021
Thank you so much to Goodreads for sending me a signed copy of this book. I wish that I would have enjoyed this one more. I didn't think the message here is what I needed or need in my life right now. So I was probably the wrong reader for this one.
October 24, 2020
This is my first Rachel Hollis book and while I hope it will be my last, it probably won't be.
I learned who Rachel was this year. During quarantine, I found out all about her and how she supports MLMs and sells marriage advice without any qualifications to do so. After watching so much about her, I saw the post announcing her divorce to the world. I was mad for the people who spend thousands of dollars to listen to her talk about how to have a perfect marriage, all while hers was falling apart behind the scenes. Rachel prides herself on how she is so open and transparent, but if that was true, the divorce announcement would not have shocked her entire fan base. I do not consider myself a fan, I just keep up with her to see the shady/wrong things she is doing. Having a virtual Rise conference during quarantine (tickets ranging from $40-$200 dollars for advice on how to make a marriage stronger) and getting a divorce months later is not transparent and it is taking advantage of vulnerable women.
Rachel announced her divorce on June 8. July 27, this book was announced. September 29th, the book was released. It was marketed to make it seem like it was all about the divorce, and that was not true. The book even starts with “Three days into editing this book, my marriage ended. A sixteen-year marriage to the father of my four children. An eighteen-year relationship with my best friend. The foundation of my life, everything that once was, crumbled between one breath and another.” I saw this as a blatant money grab to milk her divorce and I still partially agree with that.
Some quotes that I did not like:
“My work has always been honest.” I have already discussed why that is not true.
“Nobody walks through fire unscathed. You either burn up into ashes or you get forged in the flames and emerge as something new. So, what will you choose? Will you allow this season that you’re in to wear you down and diminish you? Will you become bitter or angry? Will you live the rest of your life drowning in anxiety and fear of being hurt again? Will you allow loss to define you for the rest of your life? Or will you fight back?” Some people literally will never recover from trauma and that is okay?
Page 68 “...I beg you to remember that hatred never heals-only love can do that.” This quote shocked me because it is almost identical to the famous MLK Jr. quote, "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Her potentially plagiarizing one of the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement is disgusting. MLK did not do what he did just to have his words stolen. Rachel talked about how moved she was about the recent events that led to the BLM movement. She talks (without giving names) about George Floyd and says she was disappointed in the police, in the justice system, yet she potentially steals a quote from one of the most famous leaders of the Civil Rights movement. I cannot support that and I'm not sure how others could, either.
Page 136 “During the quarantine we experienced from Covid-19, we small-business owners felt this keenly." First off, it's COVID-19. Second, Rachel and Dave own multi million dollar business. I do not consider them small business owners and it is a slap in the face of every small business owner out there.
The parts I did like:
Page 146 “Get a job if you need to. Sell your old stuff on eBay. Learn all about “flipping”things on Amazon and then go and do it. Go research, hit up Google, ask YouTube to help. If you’re not sure how to make extra income there are so many ideas to help you but please remember this important prerequisite: figure out a way to make more income that doesn’t cost you any money to start. For real. I’m positive someone is going to read this and be inspired to head on over to the Internet and ask how she should make extra income and then, four weeks later, her starter kit has arrived for the new at-home business she just paid $ 700 to join. Don’t be dumb! Figure out ways to make money that don’t require money." This quote SHOCKED ME. Rachel has spoken at countless MLM retreats, motivating women to join or stay in their 'business,' even though less than 1% of people ever turn a profit in that type of business. She has spoken to the most vulnerable of women and encouraged them to be a part of something financially dangerous. Her denouncing MLMs shows that she is a major hypocrite. She has officially bitten the hand that feeds her and she will (most likely) never speak at an MLM conference again (good). This could be character growth, or just hypocrisy. Who knows? But her saying this is shocking. Imagine how many people joined one of those businesses because she told them too and now she says this? The betrayal is something extraordinary.
Rachel did get real in the last two chapters of the book. She went into detail of her adoption process and her brother's death. Both stories seemed real, raw, and genuine. Those were my favorite part because you could really feel Rachel's actually emotions. She wasn't faking.
End Thoughts:
If you can suffer through the humble brags and quirk queen moments throughout this book, perhaps pick it up. She is not qualified since she does not have any certification to help you, but I guess, go for it. Rachel stans will read it regardless.
Finally, my message to Rachel (who will not read this because she has said so many times she does not reads reviews), Girl, Stop Exploiting Your Divorce To Vulnerable Women Who Eat Up Your Every Word.
I learned who Rachel was this year. During quarantine, I found out all about her and how she supports MLMs and sells marriage advice without any qualifications to do so. After watching so much about her, I saw the post announcing her divorce to the world. I was mad for the people who spend thousands of dollars to listen to her talk about how to have a perfect marriage, all while hers was falling apart behind the scenes. Rachel prides herself on how she is so open and transparent, but if that was true, the divorce announcement would not have shocked her entire fan base. I do not consider myself a fan, I just keep up with her to see the shady/wrong things she is doing. Having a virtual Rise conference during quarantine (tickets ranging from $40-$200 dollars for advice on how to make a marriage stronger) and getting a divorce months later is not transparent and it is taking advantage of vulnerable women.
Rachel announced her divorce on June 8. July 27, this book was announced. September 29th, the book was released. It was marketed to make it seem like it was all about the divorce, and that was not true. The book even starts with “Three days into editing this book, my marriage ended. A sixteen-year marriage to the father of my four children. An eighteen-year relationship with my best friend. The foundation of my life, everything that once was, crumbled between one breath and another.” I saw this as a blatant money grab to milk her divorce and I still partially agree with that.
Some quotes that I did not like:
“My work has always been honest.” I have already discussed why that is not true.
“Nobody walks through fire unscathed. You either burn up into ashes or you get forged in the flames and emerge as something new. So, what will you choose? Will you allow this season that you’re in to wear you down and diminish you? Will you become bitter or angry? Will you live the rest of your life drowning in anxiety and fear of being hurt again? Will you allow loss to define you for the rest of your life? Or will you fight back?” Some people literally will never recover from trauma and that is okay?
Page 68 “...I beg you to remember that hatred never heals-only love can do that.” This quote shocked me because it is almost identical to the famous MLK Jr. quote, "Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that.” Her potentially plagiarizing one of the leaders of the Civil Rights Movement is disgusting. MLK did not do what he did just to have his words stolen. Rachel talked about how moved she was about the recent events that led to the BLM movement. She talks (without giving names) about George Floyd and says she was disappointed in the police, in the justice system, yet she potentially steals a quote from one of the most famous leaders of the Civil Rights movement. I cannot support that and I'm not sure how others could, either.
Page 136 “During the quarantine we experienced from Covid-19, we small-business owners felt this keenly." First off, it's COVID-19. Second, Rachel and Dave own multi million dollar business. I do not consider them small business owners and it is a slap in the face of every small business owner out there.
The parts I did like:
Page 146 “Get a job if you need to. Sell your old stuff on eBay. Learn all about “flipping”things on Amazon and then go and do it. Go research, hit up Google, ask YouTube to help. If you’re not sure how to make extra income there are so many ideas to help you but please remember this important prerequisite: figure out a way to make more income that doesn’t cost you any money to start. For real. I’m positive someone is going to read this and be inspired to head on over to the Internet and ask how she should make extra income and then, four weeks later, her starter kit has arrived for the new at-home business she just paid $ 700 to join. Don’t be dumb! Figure out ways to make money that don’t require money." This quote SHOCKED ME. Rachel has spoken at countless MLM retreats, motivating women to join or stay in their 'business,' even though less than 1% of people ever turn a profit in that type of business. She has spoken to the most vulnerable of women and encouraged them to be a part of something financially dangerous. Her denouncing MLMs shows that she is a major hypocrite. She has officially bitten the hand that feeds her and she will (most likely) never speak at an MLM conference again (good). This could be character growth, or just hypocrisy. Who knows? But her saying this is shocking. Imagine how many people joined one of those businesses because she told them too and now she says this? The betrayal is something extraordinary.
Rachel did get real in the last two chapters of the book. She went into detail of her adoption process and her brother's death. Both stories seemed real, raw, and genuine. Those were my favorite part because you could really feel Rachel's actually emotions. She wasn't faking.
End Thoughts:
If you can suffer through the humble brags and quirk queen moments throughout this book, perhaps pick it up. She is not qualified since she does not have any certification to help you, but I guess, go for it. Rachel stans will read it regardless.
Finally, my message to Rachel (who will not read this because she has said so many times she does not reads reviews), Girl, Stop Exploiting Your Divorce To Vulnerable Women Who Eat Up Your Every Word.
September 21, 2021
Here is what I think happened: COVID-19 left Hollis unsure how to make payroll so she decided to write another book. After all, isn't that what she encourages readers to do in this one? Lean into your strengths when things get tough and don't invest any capital if you can avoid it.
Unfortunately, 90% of Hollis books are Hollis writing about herself. And as she wrote her last book, like, three months prior, she lacked new content. So she turned to the one area she'd left unmined: her childhood trauma.
But she wrote this book while going through trauma. And while it might have given her a "unique" insight to edit a book about suffering while suffering, I think this one needed to bake a lot longer.
She certainly carries it all off with the peppy, go-getter, can do attitude that characterizes her other books. But it just hits such an awkward note when weighed against the gravity of the subject. Suffering is heavy. It is hard. You can't just fake it into submission. And that's exactly what this book feels like. A spastic, brittle attempt to hold things together when they're all falling apart.
I don't mean in any way to undermine Hollis's grief. The pain from her childhood rolls off the pages. And I talk with people going through divorce every day--that is never an easy thing.
But while this book might be therapeutic for her, I would call her mindset abrasive at best and harmful at worst for people going through tragedy. Yes, I'm sure, sometimes you need a kick in the pants. But in this case, in Hollis's case, I think what she more needs is a good cry and to allow herself to feel those negative emotions. You can't always bullet journal, list-make, power walk yourself into positivity. You need to actually process the negativity.
Maybe that's what she hoped to accomplish here. And maybe if she gave it another year (or two or three...or at least waited to see what would happen with COVID?) she would have hit a more solid, mature note. Instead she wrote in the midst of the storm.
But if you think that since you're also in the midst of a storm you will find true, meaningful answers to grief, look again. What you'll get is a reminder to keep on hustling even in heartbreak. And while some might need to hear that, I suspect that for most of us, the message just piles guilt on top of pain.
I'd recommend A Grief Observed instead.
Unfortunately, 90% of Hollis books are Hollis writing about herself. And as she wrote her last book, like, three months prior, she lacked new content. So she turned to the one area she'd left unmined: her childhood trauma.
But she wrote this book while going through trauma. And while it might have given her a "unique" insight to edit a book about suffering while suffering, I think this one needed to bake a lot longer.
She certainly carries it all off with the peppy, go-getter, can do attitude that characterizes her other books. But it just hits such an awkward note when weighed against the gravity of the subject. Suffering is heavy. It is hard. You can't just fake it into submission. And that's exactly what this book feels like. A spastic, brittle attempt to hold things together when they're all falling apart.
I don't mean in any way to undermine Hollis's grief. The pain from her childhood rolls off the pages. And I talk with people going through divorce every day--that is never an easy thing.
But while this book might be therapeutic for her, I would call her mindset abrasive at best and harmful at worst for people going through tragedy. Yes, I'm sure, sometimes you need a kick in the pants. But in this case, in Hollis's case, I think what she more needs is a good cry and to allow herself to feel those negative emotions. You can't always bullet journal, list-make, power walk yourself into positivity. You need to actually process the negativity.
Maybe that's what she hoped to accomplish here. And maybe if she gave it another year (or two or three...or at least waited to see what would happen with COVID?) she would have hit a more solid, mature note. Instead she wrote in the midst of the storm.
But if you think that since you're also in the midst of a storm you will find true, meaningful answers to grief, look again. What you'll get is a reminder to keep on hustling even in heartbreak. And while some might need to hear that, I suspect that for most of us, the message just piles guilt on top of pain.
I'd recommend A Grief Observed instead.
October 24, 2020
Definitely won’t be wasting my “dumb” earned money on this book! How could she bite the hand that fed her MILLIONS?! To call network marketing and direct sales dumb, after speaking at several events and supporting women in this industry....I would call THAT dumb. Disgusted and so disappointed. Praying for the millions of women in DS who looked up to her and prayed for her, that are now heartbroken and disappointed and also praying for her. Definitely wouldn’t want to be Rachel Hollis waking up today. I bet she “Didn’t See That Coming”
January 22, 2021
What I didn't see coming: me reading another book by this woman. But it was available and I was curious to see if she'd come to the realization that not everyone has bootstraps available by which they can pick themselves up. Spoiler: no growth.
December 30, 2020
Twenty bucks down the hole. And because I spent precious money on it, I plowed through it.
Let me just first say that what Rachel went through with her brother is utterly tragic and my heart extends to her because I know exactly what she went through. And nobody should have to see that at such a young age..
But I’m reviewing this book as I’ve come to read it.
I was going to give this book a two and then I read this: “but there should absolutely be shame in slowly drowning [financially] while pretending that life is fine so none of your ‘friends’ know that you’re struggling.”
Hold up. I just could not imagine telling someone (who likely struggles with opening up to people in this case) to feel shame on TOP OF struggling financially, and call that advice. Shame is so different from guilt. I think she meant GUILT in place of shame in that sentence..
Guilt is feeling bad for something you’ve done. As Brene Brown puts it, “guilt is helpful and adaptive” at times, while shame is an intense feeling of ‘being inherently bad’ as a person, and in addition to that, having a deep rooted belief that you are unloveable and unworthy.
Being an avid listener and reader of Brene Brown, a woman who studies shame, that sentence just threw me off. I’m really not trying to bash Hollis (I mean I’m TRYING not to, but this book..). I probably would have wrote the same sentence if I didn’t read so much Brene Brown. We’re human. But at the same time, it wasn’t just this sentence. There was a lot of ‘stop wallowing’ messages strewn throughout the book. As I read it, I was in a very happy place in my life. However, I couldn’t fathom picking up this book if I was going through a hard situation and wanted a few words of encouragement. She basically says, grieve a little, and then get over it and stop wallowing. She ALSO says in one part “don’t be dumb.” (P.146) I just- I can’t with her word choice.
AND THEN she has the audacity to tell her readers that if you can’t laugh at a funeral you’ve probably been blessed all your life. This was actually triggering for me because I can think of one funeral I certainly never laughed at.. It doesn’t matter how many funerals you’ve been to, loss is loss. She then tells us she’s been to over FIFTY funerals and there’s an undertone of ‘my life is harder than yours.’ Okay, Rachel.
Her advice for struggling with financial security?: get a side business and hustle that out.
Oh yeah, that’s the golden ticket for financial security for everyone, in all situations. (*heavy on the sarcasm*)
The grief advice.
Oh, the grief advice. People handle grief in different ways. But this book was about how she handles her grief. It’s very different from how I handle mine. No, I do not eat raw almonds and workout while I deal with grief.. And for some it takes a few months to heal, others a decade. It just wasn’t the kind of advice book I would ever give to someone who was in a delicate mind state, or grieving. It might crush them to be quite honest..
In my humble opinion, she was going through her own time of grief with her divorce while writing this book and her grief process is probably very specific, as it shines through in this book. There definitely should have been deeper thought into various perspectives and personalities for her readers. And less “look how amazing I am for going through all I have.” If that’s the case then great, write ‘A Memoir’ on the cover of the book and I truly would not have written this review.
Not to mention, there should have been some research done on the difference between guilt and shame.
I get it, it’s her book. But she also published her book to the world and that’s my say on the topic.
Let me just first say that what Rachel went through with her brother is utterly tragic and my heart extends to her because I know exactly what she went through. And nobody should have to see that at such a young age..
But I’m reviewing this book as I’ve come to read it.
I was going to give this book a two and then I read this: “but there should absolutely be shame in slowly drowning [financially] while pretending that life is fine so none of your ‘friends’ know that you’re struggling.”
Hold up. I just could not imagine telling someone (who likely struggles with opening up to people in this case) to feel shame on TOP OF struggling financially, and call that advice. Shame is so different from guilt. I think she meant GUILT in place of shame in that sentence..
Guilt is feeling bad for something you’ve done. As Brene Brown puts it, “guilt is helpful and adaptive” at times, while shame is an intense feeling of ‘being inherently bad’ as a person, and in addition to that, having a deep rooted belief that you are unloveable and unworthy.
Being an avid listener and reader of Brene Brown, a woman who studies shame, that sentence just threw me off. I’m really not trying to bash Hollis (I mean I’m TRYING not to, but this book..). I probably would have wrote the same sentence if I didn’t read so much Brene Brown. We’re human. But at the same time, it wasn’t just this sentence. There was a lot of ‘stop wallowing’ messages strewn throughout the book. As I read it, I was in a very happy place in my life. However, I couldn’t fathom picking up this book if I was going through a hard situation and wanted a few words of encouragement. She basically says, grieve a little, and then get over it and stop wallowing. She ALSO says in one part “don’t be dumb.” (P.146) I just- I can’t with her word choice.
AND THEN she has the audacity to tell her readers that if you can’t laugh at a funeral you’ve probably been blessed all your life. This was actually triggering for me because I can think of one funeral I certainly never laughed at.. It doesn’t matter how many funerals you’ve been to, loss is loss. She then tells us she’s been to over FIFTY funerals and there’s an undertone of ‘my life is harder than yours.’ Okay, Rachel.
Her advice for struggling with financial security?: get a side business and hustle that out.
Oh yeah, that’s the golden ticket for financial security for everyone, in all situations. (*heavy on the sarcasm*)
The grief advice.
Oh, the grief advice. People handle grief in different ways. But this book was about how she handles her grief. It’s very different from how I handle mine. No, I do not eat raw almonds and workout while I deal with grief.. And for some it takes a few months to heal, others a decade. It just wasn’t the kind of advice book I would ever give to someone who was in a delicate mind state, or grieving. It might crush them to be quite honest..
In my humble opinion, she was going through her own time of grief with her divorce while writing this book and her grief process is probably very specific, as it shines through in this book. There definitely should have been deeper thought into various perspectives and personalities for her readers. And less “look how amazing I am for going through all I have.” If that’s the case then great, write ‘A Memoir’ on the cover of the book and I truly would not have written this review.
Not to mention, there should have been some research done on the difference between guilt and shame.
I get it, it’s her book. But she also published her book to the world and that’s my say on the topic.
August 10, 2020
3.5 stars, but rounded up because while I'm not currently in a season of grief, I think it could help someone who is and I don't want the negative reviews of people who haven't read this to turn someone away from something that could be useful to them.
Reading the ARC for this one feels a bit different from Rachel's previous books. It's a bit grittier in parts where she shares more details of stories you've read about in her previous books, including her brother's suicide, early family life, leading a business through the Great Recession, and postpartum struggles. She does touch on her divorce, but doesn't give much space for it since it is fresh and she's still processing it.
This book follows the same format of her previous books which a chapter of stories, wrapped up with a couple "things that helped me." While I do think some of these stories and action steps could help someone out of a dark place, many are repetitions from her previous books/ podcasts. If you're familiar with her platform and not struggling with grief then it probably isn't the book for you. However, it's incredibly short, so if you're curious about the extra details or need a reminder about setting habits, then pick it up.
Side note: I'm oddly intrigued that Dave isn't mentioned in the acknowledgements since they repeatedly talked publicly about remaining friends and business partners with a positive relationship...
Reading the ARC for this one feels a bit different from Rachel's previous books. It's a bit grittier in parts where she shares more details of stories you've read about in her previous books, including her brother's suicide, early family life, leading a business through the Great Recession, and postpartum struggles. She does touch on her divorce, but doesn't give much space for it since it is fresh and she's still processing it.
This book follows the same format of her previous books which a chapter of stories, wrapped up with a couple "things that helped me." While I do think some of these stories and action steps could help someone out of a dark place, many are repetitions from her previous books/ podcasts. If you're familiar with her platform and not struggling with grief then it probably isn't the book for you. However, it's incredibly short, so if you're curious about the extra details or need a reminder about setting habits, then pick it up.
Side note: I'm oddly intrigued that Dave isn't mentioned in the acknowledgements since they repeatedly talked publicly about remaining friends and business partners with a positive relationship...
October 9, 2020
I love Rachel Hollis. I truly enjoy the majority of her content. However, this book is toxic. It is repetitive. It is self promoting. There are small nuggets of useful information buried in a sea of how other people didn't show up for her well. She holds this position that she is perfect. Here is how I handled everything so well. I hurt the people closest to me with zero guilt. I'm hurt but guilty of nothing. The worst part is that her so called self help will hurt as many, if not more than it will help because of her so called tough love and superiority complex. I will say that if you do choose to read it, don't get the audio version. Her tone of voice makes it sound even more condescending.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 29, 2020
Let me preference my less than favorable review with this...I’m a Rach fan! I’ve attended RISE conferences and read all her books (even the fictions ones)...plus done her online coaching too! Her talks, words and presence helped me through some dark times in my life....But to say this book was special like the last two (GWYF and GSA) would be a lie.
Now don’t get me wrong, if you’ve not bought into Hollis yet, and this is your first read by her...it will be a great read. But for True devotees like myself, it fell a little flat. There were too many of the same examples, same stories, same topics and honestly it didn’t feel any different; felt more like she took favored parts of both her other books and wrote a shorter version - think cliff notes.
Sure there were a few good laughs, but most were from stories I’d already heard. I was truly expecting more about grief, divorce, truly hard things since that’s the period of her life she’s currently in - and so are most of us during these trying times. I needed it to be more raw, especially with such a bold title. It felt to me this was a rush to keep her image and brand alive admits the online criticisms, divorce, and other life events
Though this book wasn’t my favorite, I will continue to support her and her books. Everyone has moments that just don’t come out as planned. I still will look forward to see where life takes her and to see what’s next , but for now I won’t be rereading this like I had GWYF and GSA
*was given early access to this book thanks to the publisher -not a paid review-*
Now don’t get me wrong, if you’ve not bought into Hollis yet, and this is your first read by her...it will be a great read. But for True devotees like myself, it fell a little flat. There were too many of the same examples, same stories, same topics and honestly it didn’t feel any different; felt more like she took favored parts of both her other books and wrote a shorter version - think cliff notes.
Sure there were a few good laughs, but most were from stories I’d already heard. I was truly expecting more about grief, divorce, truly hard things since that’s the period of her life she’s currently in - and so are most of us during these trying times. I needed it to be more raw, especially with such a bold title. It felt to me this was a rush to keep her image and brand alive admits the online criticisms, divorce, and other life events
Though this book wasn’t my favorite, I will continue to support her and her books. Everyone has moments that just don’t come out as planned. I still will look forward to see where life takes her and to see what’s next , but for now I won’t be rereading this like I had GWYF and GSA
*was given early access to this book thanks to the publisher -not a paid review-*
September 29, 2020
Y’all! I finished this book and I feel like I need to read it again. I was digesting it so very fast! I have followed Rachel Hollis for 2 years now. I started by reading her first NY Times Bestseller, Girl, Wash Your Face. It was my first toe-dip into the personal development space. I watched every Start Today Show in those 2 years, and even did daily recaps in my Tales of the Tribe group. I started following others she recommended, mentors and books to check out.
I went back and listened to every single Rise podcast. I dove voraciously in every way I could, to soak up all the knowledge like a sponge. I did Rachel’s life coaching in 2019. I helped launch her book, Girl, Stop Apologizing. I attended Rise Dallas, Rise Biz and her first Virtual Rise conference. I was able to test her App and will attend her next Virtual conference in a little over a week. I didn’t miss one of her Quibi episodes for the first 4 months.
I give you all of this background so that I may vouch for having a whole lot of knowledge of this woman. I was practically drowning in the Kool-aid. I was asked to be on her launch team for this book- Didn’t See That Coming. I hadn’t been sure I would read it at the time. This is what I still know. She is human just like you and I. She does some amazing things. She makes mistakes. She calls her shot, she goes through hard things yet she always stands back up. I think that whether you love her or have left her due to recent personal issues, you owe it to yourself and to Rachel to hear the depth of these words and to know how deep they rose from her to escape. #didntseethatcomingthebook
I went back and listened to every single Rise podcast. I dove voraciously in every way I could, to soak up all the knowledge like a sponge. I did Rachel’s life coaching in 2019. I helped launch her book, Girl, Stop Apologizing. I attended Rise Dallas, Rise Biz and her first Virtual Rise conference. I was able to test her App and will attend her next Virtual conference in a little over a week. I didn’t miss one of her Quibi episodes for the first 4 months.
I give you all of this background so that I may vouch for having a whole lot of knowledge of this woman. I was practically drowning in the Kool-aid. I was asked to be on her launch team for this book- Didn’t See That Coming. I hadn’t been sure I would read it at the time. This is what I still know. She is human just like you and I. She does some amazing things. She makes mistakes. She calls her shot, she goes through hard things yet she always stands back up. I think that whether you love her or have left her due to recent personal issues, you owe it to yourself and to Rachel to hear the depth of these words and to know how deep they rose from her to escape. #didntseethatcomingthebook
November 19, 2020
This book screams, “Hey! Look how great I can deal with the shitton of trauma in my life! You can do anything you set your mind to! Depression isn’t real, it’s a choice!”
I was a fan of Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing, so naturally I was excited to preorder Hollis’s next book. I was wildly disappointed, as someone with clinical anxiety and depression, and aghast that Hollis can sell a book on shallow generalities she calls advice. Honey, if you’re going through active trauma yourself, you’re not in any position to help others through theirs. I was REALLY not a fan of her repeatedly saying that wallowing in our sadness and grief is a CHOICE. Sorry, my neurotransmitters say different. Good for you that you can thrive through your divorce though.
I was a fan of Girl, Wash Your Face and Girl, Stop Apologizing, so naturally I was excited to preorder Hollis’s next book. I was wildly disappointed, as someone with clinical anxiety and depression, and aghast that Hollis can sell a book on shallow generalities she calls advice. Honey, if you’re going through active trauma yourself, you’re not in any position to help others through theirs. I was REALLY not a fan of her repeatedly saying that wallowing in our sadness and grief is a CHOICE. Sorry, my neurotransmitters say different. Good for you that you can thrive through your divorce though.
April 26, 2021
Join us for a virtual live show about this book! Wednesday March 31, 8pm!
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October 15, 2020
I knew going into this book that I probably wouldn't like it.
When I read Girl, Wash Your Face, it was the exact book I needed to read at that point. I started following Rachel, watching the morning show, reading all her books. I bought her products, I bought the books she recommended and I recommended her to everyone I know. But at the beginning of this year I started to see her differently. The things she was telling people didn't make sense. Why drink a smoothy for breakfast if you hate it, if you tried you could probably find a mix of things that you do like. It seemed like Rachel felt like making herself suffer was the road to take. I just didn't agree. Then came the divorce. It wasn't surprising actually, but it was revealing.
Rachel makes a point to lecture all the people that commented on her divorce, the problem is she's not perceptive enough to really understand what people were saying. When you pretend to have a perfect life to sell products, you're a fraud. There were many times in this book where Rachel lectured her followers by saying how hard her life is. You asked for this. I don't hear Oprah complaining about taking a selfie.
This book could have actually been decent, well not this book exactly, but a version of the book that wasn't trying to teach people how to deal with grief, a topic she has no credentials to teach, but to be honest and candid about the hard times in her life. Don't try to give a solution to people, instead just say this happened to me and this is how I overcame it. The book was so full of fluff, it's not even worth the paper it was printed on. (I got my copy from the library so I didn't shell out money for this)
When I read Girl, Wash Your Face, it was the exact book I needed to read at that point. I started following Rachel, watching the morning show, reading all her books. I bought her products, I bought the books she recommended and I recommended her to everyone I know. But at the beginning of this year I started to see her differently. The things she was telling people didn't make sense. Why drink a smoothy for breakfast if you hate it, if you tried you could probably find a mix of things that you do like. It seemed like Rachel felt like making herself suffer was the road to take. I just didn't agree. Then came the divorce. It wasn't surprising actually, but it was revealing.
Rachel makes a point to lecture all the people that commented on her divorce, the problem is she's not perceptive enough to really understand what people were saying. When you pretend to have a perfect life to sell products, you're a fraud. There were many times in this book where Rachel lectured her followers by saying how hard her life is. You asked for this. I don't hear Oprah complaining about taking a selfie.
This book could have actually been decent, well not this book exactly, but a version of the book that wasn't trying to teach people how to deal with grief, a topic she has no credentials to teach, but to be honest and candid about the hard times in her life. Don't try to give a solution to people, instead just say this happened to me and this is how I overcame it. The book was so full of fluff, it's not even worth the paper it was printed on. (I got my copy from the library so I didn't shell out money for this)
January 31, 2021
I'm trying to get off the Rachel Hollis hate train now that I've been wised up to the scheme. I mean so many people run schemes in this literary game, but I do believe R. Hollis' heart is in the right place. She did get me with Girl, Wash Your Face a few years back.. and she has this earnestness that I enjoy, but can't tell if it's put on or not.
Anyway, this effort was a cash grab, I know that. It's that she knows she's got people invested in her, who will read these books, I - being one of them, that has me writing this review right now, so it's whatever. I'm not going to join the hate because I don't actually know her so I'm actively attempting to re-circuit my brain as I write this review. I do feel that she pointed out some true shit about a few things in general, things that aren't new information but are still valuable nonetheless.
The things that I realized about Rachel Hollis reading this is - she's trying to step away from the very things that brought her so much money, because she sees how positioning yourself in certain ways can spiral the fuck outta control. That's what I got out of quote #2.
Her understanding of church and the role that it plays in ones life and aligning yourself to church has shifted. It's very evident in quote #3.
Quote #1 was interesting and it's a true fact, much like anyone going through a hard time, divorce, death, especially in these pandemic times, extra grace with each other is needed. I can empathize with RH because of all the divorces I've seen around me in the last year. I cannot empathize with folks trying to make money off attention to their family, or manipulating people's examination of their family, for money. That's why I do not watch family vloggers on YouTube, I don't have insta, and I don't watch keep up with or want to hear about anyone with a K name ever again. Y'all influencers ain't got nothing important to tell us and we can't trust you.
Whew, I said I was going to step outside of the Hollis hate, but I am still mad about being manipulated by things that certain people knew certain folks would be looking for. I recommended GWYF to other women going through hard times, so it's the keep hustling mentality when delivered in this way that is frustrating. Anyway, this book was alright. I see that she sees the error in her ways, especially when she's talking about the anxiety she's faced from positioning herself in this way and not being able to go to the grocery store without being harassed, especially when you're not a fucking therapist or a scholar.
One of the things I found interesting was something she says without saying it directly which is:
Anyway, the book is not terrible. It's real world advice and a chick looking directly at her mistakes. Can't hate on that.
Anyway, this effort was a cash grab, I know that. It's that she knows she's got people invested in her, who will read these books, I - being one of them, that has me writing this review right now, so it's whatever. I'm not going to join the hate because I don't actually know her so I'm actively attempting to re-circuit my brain as I write this review. I do feel that she pointed out some true shit about a few things in general, things that aren't new information but are still valuable nonetheless.
"...the worst of our suffering often hides inside the things we don't know how to verbalize or are too afraid to share." - 22% in Didn't See That Coming by Rachel Hollis
"If you look to me (or anyone else) as a resource to motivate you, you won't ever build true confidence in yourself." - 74% in Didn't See That Coming by Rachel Hollis
"...the creator of the heavens and the earth is infinitely bigger and more loving than any religious dogma can contain." - 94% in Didn't See That Coming by Rachel Hollis
The things that I realized about Rachel Hollis reading this is - she's trying to step away from the very things that brought her so much money, because she sees how positioning yourself in certain ways can spiral the fuck outta control. That's what I got out of quote #2.
Her understanding of church and the role that it plays in ones life and aligning yourself to church has shifted. It's very evident in quote #3.
Quote #1 was interesting and it's a true fact, much like anyone going through a hard time, divorce, death, especially in these pandemic times, extra grace with each other is needed. I can empathize with RH because of all the divorces I've seen around me in the last year. I cannot empathize with folks trying to make money off attention to their family, or manipulating people's examination of their family, for money. That's why I do not watch family vloggers on YouTube, I don't have insta, and I don't watch keep up with or want to hear about anyone with a K name ever again. Y'all influencers ain't got nothing important to tell us and we can't trust you.
Whew, I said I was going to step outside of the Hollis hate, but I am still mad about being manipulated by things that certain people knew certain folks would be looking for. I recommended GWYF to other women going through hard times, so it's the keep hustling mentality when delivered in this way that is frustrating. Anyway, this book was alright. I see that she sees the error in her ways, especially when she's talking about the anxiety she's faced from positioning herself in this way and not being able to go to the grocery store without being harassed, especially when you're not a fucking therapist or a scholar.
One of the things I found interesting was something she says without saying it directly which is:
"It's a strange phenomenon I've noticed about my work-and frankly, that of other female creators regardless of what they create: When a people don't like a book written by a man, they say the book is bad. When they don't like something created by a woman, they say she is bad." - 19% in Didn't See That Coming by Rachel HollisWhich is true. She's essentially doing what Tony Robbins did/does and she's receiving hate/backlash for it. However, it's the guise of pseudo-feminism that makes her even more upsetting because on the real, bitches were never listening to Tony Robbins.
Anyway, the book is not terrible. It's real world advice and a chick looking directly at her mistakes. Can't hate on that.
September 26, 2020
I was provided a free copy eARC through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
Didn't See That Coming, Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart by Rachel Hollis
Publisher: Harper Collins Publishers, Dey Street Books
Genre: Nonfiction (Adult) | Self-Help
Release Date: September 29, 2020
Initially I’m pleasantly surprised how much I loved this book and all the advice it gave. I will say it from the roof tops because all I saw on media was “a book about divorce already???” NOPE. This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 book 👏 about divorce.
This book surprised me being a Rachel Hollis fan, in the sense that we are seeing an even more vulnerable and confident woman we previously have not seen. Now don't get me wrong, she is still authentically herself but I feel like this new filter is written in this book where she is cursing and allowing us to see EXACTLY how passionate she feels about a subject.
Just like her other books, each chapter discus's a topic including real life examples of how that topic effects her and then ends the chapter with actionable advice of how we can as the reader improve on it with our life.
I personally loved the chapter on perspective. Not only when reading this book during a pandemic is stress enough... but in my personal life dealing with childhood trauma.... this chapter helps me wrap my head around actions I can choose.
"There's immense power in understanding that you are subconsciously coloring your reality through the lens of past experiences. If you can understand that you hold the power to perceive something as entirely negative, you harness the power to see positives in every situation too."
I recommend this book to anyone who has dealt with or is currently dealing with stress, anxiety and grief. I feel each one is touched on. Those who deal with all three or one of each knows that even if you push past it... it will always find a way to sneak back in. That's why I do believe whether it's a present pain or not this book is important.
Didn't See That Coming, Putting Life Back Together When Your World Falls Apart by Rachel Hollis
Publisher: Harper Collins Publishers, Dey Street Books
Genre: Nonfiction (Adult) | Self-Help
Release Date: September 29, 2020
Initially I’m pleasantly surprised how much I loved this book and all the advice it gave. I will say it from the roof tops because all I saw on media was “a book about divorce already???” NOPE. This 👏 is 👏 not 👏 a 👏 book 👏 about divorce.
This book surprised me being a Rachel Hollis fan, in the sense that we are seeing an even more vulnerable and confident woman we previously have not seen. Now don't get me wrong, she is still authentically herself but I feel like this new filter is written in this book where she is cursing and allowing us to see EXACTLY how passionate she feels about a subject.
Just like her other books, each chapter discus's a topic including real life examples of how that topic effects her and then ends the chapter with actionable advice of how we can as the reader improve on it with our life.
I personally loved the chapter on perspective. Not only when reading this book during a pandemic is stress enough... but in my personal life dealing with childhood trauma.... this chapter helps me wrap my head around actions I can choose.
"There's immense power in understanding that you are subconsciously coloring your reality through the lens of past experiences. If you can understand that you hold the power to perceive something as entirely negative, you harness the power to see positives in every situation too."
I recommend this book to anyone who has dealt with or is currently dealing with stress, anxiety and grief. I feel each one is touched on. Those who deal with all three or one of each knows that even if you push past it... it will always find a way to sneak back in. That's why I do believe whether it's a present pain or not this book is important.
October 5, 2020
It was less outwardly offensive than Girl Stop Apologizing. But also girl, where was your editor? Anyway, I did a long ass review of this book if you want to see me break down the toxic positivity, curated imperfection, incorrect unlicensed advice, and more: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZuCvL...
January 29, 2021
First off, I was surprised to see how many people rated this book really low because Rachel Hollis is getting divorced. Whenever I’m tempted to judge someone, I remember Jesus’ saying, “Do not judge others, and you will not be judged. For you will be treated as you treat others.”
The author acknowledges her impending divorce in the introduction. She says the book was already written, and she was editing it when they made the decision to divorce. Ok. That’s that.
This book is not quite the mind-blower that her other two are, but it contains her signature passion and practical view of life. I really find her perspective irresistible. Ms. Hollis reads her own books on audio, so you get the full impact of her vehemence and personality. They are quick reads, but they leave me pondering for days.
I particularly appreciated the section on the value of entrenched health habits. The author says that if you have such established self care habits when hard times come, your muscle memory can carry them without much effort. Good health helps you recover from disasters. So practical, yet so true. That’s one example among many of Hollis’ down-to-earth approach to almost all of life. I personally love her for it.
The author acknowledges her impending divorce in the introduction. She says the book was already written, and she was editing it when they made the decision to divorce. Ok. That’s that.
This book is not quite the mind-blower that her other two are, but it contains her signature passion and practical view of life. I really find her perspective irresistible. Ms. Hollis reads her own books on audio, so you get the full impact of her vehemence and personality. They are quick reads, but they leave me pondering for days.
I particularly appreciated the section on the value of entrenched health habits. The author says that if you have such established self care habits when hard times come, your muscle memory can carry them without much effort. Good health helps you recover from disasters. So practical, yet so true. That’s one example among many of Hollis’ down-to-earth approach to almost all of life. I personally love her for it.
October 6, 2020
I wish I had this quick kick in the pants book during the rough spots in marriage and then through my divorce. Chapter on finances was good and referencing the pandemic. The advice on searching overcoming the specifics of your problem versus looking at it broadly. I did feel this book is for an entry level self help reader and I have been deep in the genre for a few years now so readers beware. I love Rachel’s energy so I will give anything she puts out a listen and definitely get a few takeaways!
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 21, 2020
I was provided a free copy eARC through Netgalley in exchange for an honest review.
I love all things Hollis and she has helped me navigate through some trying times. I was so excited to read this book and gather some new strategies in this uncertain season. But, no new content was found. If you have read her other books, attended any conferences or taken any coaching classes, everything in this book is repeating stories and analogies already delivered by the author.
She did go a little deeper into her brothers passing and that I'm sure was difficult. But she's already guided us through her processing of this.
It was a nice review of past information. I look forward to her book on wellness and I will continue to follow her work. She does lead and live with positivity and you can't get enough of that these days.
I love all things Hollis and she has helped me navigate through some trying times. I was so excited to read this book and gather some new strategies in this uncertain season. But, no new content was found. If you have read her other books, attended any conferences or taken any coaching classes, everything in this book is repeating stories and analogies already delivered by the author.
She did go a little deeper into her brothers passing and that I'm sure was difficult. But she's already guided us through her processing of this.
It was a nice review of past information. I look forward to her book on wellness and I will continue to follow her work. She does lead and live with positivity and you can't get enough of that these days.
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